CARISSA81's SparkPeople Blog CARISSA81's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Blogging update I haven't blogged in forever! I've been on sparkpeople, but not as active as I should be. I'm trying to focus on being more balanced in my weight loss/maintenance. I'm getting married in fall now, and family right after that. I'd like to work dieting out of my life so that I can raise a child without him/her seeing mom track food or complain about pants not fitting. Better to start now than AFTER wedding and baby, I guess. <BR> <BR> Reading some of my old posts I realize I'm doing a lot... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 15:23:50 EST I have forgotten the WHY of weight loss. <BR> So..... I've had a tough couple of days. This journey has been very long and after two years I'm finding myself more frustrated then ever. I was reminded of another time when I had a big goal that turned into a situation in which the journey was so difficult that the end result was not worth it. I wanted to be a CPA, applied thinking I was good to go for the exam and was told that I hadn't met the criteria. I was devestated but "persevered" and ended up spending a fortune on another... Mon, 4 Apr 2011 22:24:58 EST Is my life turning around? I really feel like it is. First my relationship with my boyfriend has made a huge turn for the better after we broke up for a week. We realized we really do love each other and got back together and have been doing great since and even talk about having a family and spending the rest of our lives together. <BR> <BR> Now today I just got a phone call offering me a great job, which of course I accepted! It's minutes from home and the pay is good so I can put a dent in that credit card and... Thu, 10 Feb 2011 19:12:48 EST Tough times Just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and feeling really down. Am in the process of taking my necessaries to my parents 2 room condo until I find a place of my own. Have no idea how I'm going to do that on my salary, which is barely $1,000 a month. <BR> <BR> I just feel numb. He's the only man I ever loved for any amount of time, much less 5 years. All of my best memories of the last 5 years are with him. I feel embarrassed of all things, because everyone was so sure it would wor... Thu, 6 Jan 2011 13:29:12 EST Already cried, and it's going to get worse So my boyfriend decides to tell me at noon that we're leaving soon to go to Thanksgiving lunch at his parents. LUNCH!? This whole time I've been acting like it's dinnner and he never corrected me. It's even on my calendar in the kitchen 3pm - Thanksgiving dinner. <BR> <BR> I hadn't started cooking my vegan dish, and now I'm rushing to finish it. That's not why I was crying though. I thought it was dinner but asked anyhow if maybe we could stop at my sister's house after since they reall... Thu, 25 Nov 2010 14:15:38 EST Sometimes you have to ask for help OK, so I slowly inched away from sparkpeople, and now I'm inching back in. I gained a lot of weight back, but have been consistent with my workouts, doing an hour a day with one rest day a week. But I wasn't able to stop gaining weight. <BR> <BR> I joined a gym a couple weeks ago with the intention of just mixing up my routines now that the winter weather is on it's way and I won't be jogging outside anymore. But the gym membership came with a free session with a personal trainer. I dec... Mon, 8 Nov 2010 22:54:08 EST Setting mini-goals OK, trying something new. <BR> <BR> Instead of one big weight-loss ticker, each week or so, whenever I feel the time is right, I am completely re-setting my ticker for a new weight loss goal. Once I hit that goal, I set a new goal. So last weeks ticker showed starting at 142 (event though the REAL start was 152 like 1.5 years ago!) it now shows 137. <BR> <BR> This keeps me honest (no going back "up" the scale) and is akin to throwing out the "fat" jeans. <BR> <BR> Hope this works, it see... Sun, 22 Aug 2010 11:33:36 EST One animal harmed in the making of an otherwise vegan meal That animal was me! A binge of cookies, soy ice cream, chips, granola bars and cereal. <BR> <em>15</em> <BR> All vegan, only animal harmed was me. So is it still vegan? <BR> <BR> Oh well. Proud of myself for sticking to me new vegan values but dissapointed in my binge. How many times must I do this to myself before I learn? All year this has been an issue! 1-2 weeks of feeling great then out of no where, binge! Yeesh! <BR> <BR> Thu, 19 Aug 2010 10:28:43 EST 1 Week as a Vegetarian - Reflections Yesterday finished my one week experiment as a vegetarian. During this week I have also educated myself on vegetarian and vegan lifestyles to help me decide which is best for me. I have decided that I am going to aim for a "Practical Vegan" lifestyle. I will refrain from eggs and dairy in my home and when dining out. But if the choice of dinner at a restaurant is a plain salad (chilled lettuce anyone?) and adding some bread that may contain egg and dairy, I'm having the bread. If it's m... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:02:18 EST Veggie Fest 2010 For a couple of years now I've been considering becoming vegetarian, but dismissed it as being too difficult. I'd feel a little guilty every time I ate meat, but it tasted so good, and I would try just not to think about it too much. <BR> <BR> But over the past few months I've been incorporating vegetarian meals into my "rotation" and finding them as delicous as all my other non-vegetarian dishes. And early last week I learned that this weekend was Veggie Fest, a free vegetarian festival... Sun, 8 Aug 2010 22:06:12 EST Anger issues I should not have weighed myself after the great day I had yesterday but I did. And gained 2.5 lbs. in like one day. So that put me in a bad mood. <BR> <BR> Then I decided that instead of calling all these golf courses and asking for donations that I would go in person like I do when I contact retailers. Big mistake. <BR> <BR> These country clubs and private courses intimidated me so much. I know nothing about golf and had to ask my boss what he meant when I should hit these places... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 22:27:17 EST New month, new goals. OK, the no calorie counting seems to be working. I even lost a little weight even though I binged on Monday before commiting to eating without analyzing every little morsel. I've been enjoying icecream, chocolate, smoothies and other little treats since then but in moderation. <BR> <BR> But, doing it without calorie counting is probably going to mean slowing down my weight loss goals for these last few pounds, so I readjusted my goals there. I'm taking the Dr. Oz approach and just eatin... Sun, 1 Aug 2010 15:43:49 EST No more calorie counting I've decided that as far as I can remember, I did NOT binge before sparkpeople. <BR> <BR> I'm not saying sparkpeople caused the binging, in fact I'm healthier than I've ever been and I owe 100% of that to sparkpeople. But all the calorie counting I think has made me a little *ahem* crazy. <BR> <BR> I talk about it a lot, and I take it so seriously. I tried once before for intuitive eating and it didn't work, but I don't think I gave myself a real chance. One month after a year of trackin... Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:20:31 EST Feeling negative OK so for every one thing that I feel negative about, I'm gonna try for a positive.... ready set GO! <BR> <BR> Negative #1 - I'm poor. I had to mooch groceries off of my boyfriend tonight. It was humiliating even though I know he doesn't mind. I still don't have a decent pair of summer sandles and my black pants that I have to wear at work have a hole. Since I can't afford cloths I'm thinking I have to patch the $10 pants I got from Target. <BR> <BR> Positive Response - You only fee... Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:41:53 EST All about my DNA! Cool Stuff! OK, my blogs are usually rants about stuff going wrong or things that stress me out, but I thought I'd share something fun with everyone! <BR> <BR> I had my DNA analyzed by 23andme recently. My boyfriend got this for me as a gift during a one day sale that brought down the priice of this testing considerably. Basically you spit in a test tube, send it off to the labs, and then in 4-6 weeks you can see your results online! <BR> <BR> You learn so much, I learned that my maternaal ancestry ... Mon, 5 Jul 2010 09:35:33 EST Be careful what you wish for! Isn't that what they say? <BR> <BR> I was wishing that something would turn up on my allergy test I took yesterday. I have trouble sleeping, some mild congestion and some pretty bad sinus headaches I get 2-3 times a week. So I'm thinking hopefully I'm allergic to something so it can be treated, I can live life headache free and get some sleep at night. <BR> <BR> WELL - I am allergic to all manner of trees, weeds, grass, dust, mold and even the cat! So the lifestyle changes that I'm supp... Fri, 2 Jul 2010 12:47:57 EST 1 week Binge Free! I made it a week without binging! There were some nights (tonight included) when I ate more than maybe I should have, but the point is that I feel good and have not eaten to the point of discomfort at anytime. I'm convinced that I can lose at least a couple pounds at this rate, even if it's very slowly, because I exercise bout an hour a day, 6 days a week and am pretty active. But if I don't it's ok. <BR> <BR> I'm really just very focused on enjoying food and fitness, not stressing over a... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:43:21 EST Bigne Free Streak OK - first off, the first time I typed the title of this blog, I typed steak instead of streak. Am I craving steak alraedy? yeesh. <BR> <BR> I was going to start yesterday, but I think I need a normal work day to start so that I'm in my routine, then when the weekend starts and the routine is off I have a couple of good days under my belt. <BR> <BR> I'm weighing myself twice a month only, but I'm not longer rewarding weight loss, only behavior. I want to go one month binge free, because ... Tue, 15 Jun 2010 09:47:53 EST The environment of a binge incident So, just thinking about what causes me to start binging, becuase I did it again last night. I think there are some deep issues here that need to be resolved, but I'm not sure where to start. I think I'm pretty happy since finishing school and letting go of my goal to be a CPA, but the fact that once a week I binge is a pretty big indication that something is off. Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? Tired? Not sure. <BR> <BR> I'm going to start just by writing down what the environment around... Sun, 13 Jun 2010 10:26:10 EST New goals May was such a great month, so why did I spend the first two days of June binging? <BR> <BR> Ok, I was tired (very little sleep) and stressed out (very busy at work) I had a cold. But really these are excuses that lead to I deserve it, I didn't lose the weight I wanted to anyway, so who cares? and other negative thoughts that justify eating myself sick with comfort food. <BR> <BR> Here's what is so ironic though - I am SO HEALTHY NOW! I am in my healthy weight range, although a bit on the... Thu, 3 Jun 2010 09:22:36 EST New Perspective Sometimes all it takes is looking at things from a different point of view. <BR> <BR> I used toget stressed out a LOT at work. Little things would irritate me and I'd get so mad, sometimes I couldn't even think and solve the problem. And then I learned a little trick! <BR> <BR> Any time some customer did something irritating and I start to get mad, I think, "If I were producing a sitcom now, would this be funny?" Usually, the answer is yes. It's kinda hard to get very mad when you're th... Tue, 18 May 2010 22:26:41 EST Life is good I have two part time jobs, and I love them both! <BR> <BR> I am done with school and can read all the trash I want! <BR> <BR> I have an awesome boyfriend (even if he is pokey!) <BR> <BR> My family loves me, esp. the nephews - so cute! <BR> <BR> My cat makes me smile every day. <BR> <BR> I eat delicious healthy food every day (what is UP with these avacados?! YUMMM!) <BR> <BR> With a single box of $5 hair dye, the gray is gone! <BR> <BR> There is nothing like the cheep thrill of some n... Tue, 11 May 2010 22:09:11 EST I gave up, and it's the BEST! I know this is wrong. Giving up on a dream should not make you feel good. <BR> <BR> BUT - since I have given up on ever sitting for the CPA exam, I feel GREAT! It's like a huge weight has been lifted off of me (even though I've gained "real" weight, I still feel lighter!) I don't have this "I'd only be happy if" feeling, I'm just... happy. <BR> <BR> So what if I'm in debt? So what if I'm earning little more than minimum wage? <BR> <BR> I'm living my life for me from now on, and not l... Mon, 3 May 2010 21:49:59 EST I need to REFOCUS OK, even after last weeks bog, I still managed to punich my self with food all week. (And that's what it is, isn't it? You know you deserve better but you cram the chocolate down your throat and eat until it hurts because you're mad at yourelf.) <BR> <BR> I'm doing the spark stages again, with the book. I've been exercising and all that good stuff, but the emotional eating is a new challenge that I have not faced until this point. At least not to such a degree, on a daily basis. <B... Sun, 18 Apr 2010 11:32:52 EST Too busy for Sparkpeople? What a HUGE mistake! :-( What on earth made me think I could be too busy for sparkpeople? You know what being too busy has lead to? Binge eating! I've never had this problem before and now, at least once or twice a week. <BR> <BR> These past couple of weeks have been horrible, and now I am making things worse with unhealthy choices. Here's what happened - <BR> <BR> I've been going to school for the past four years for one reason only - to become a CPA. That was cut short a year and a half ago when I applied... Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:14:35 EST On hiatus OK, there is TOO MUCH going on right now, so sadly I cannot be the active member of sparkpeople that I was in the past. Tracking food, workouts, writing on message boards, all of it takes time that I frankly don't have. I'm working part-time, doing an internship and going to class full time. I dropped my tutoring hours (which I loved doing!) and am STILL coming up short on time. Dishes are piling up, homework is scribbled out half heartedly, and frankly something has to go. <BR> <BR> I... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 22:44:02 EST Red Cabbage The "whole food of the week" was... red cabbage! I know I know, I've eaten cabbage before. But I never cooked it before, so it counts! Plus, it's getting harder and harder for me to find new food to try. I'm going to have to go out of my way to whole foods market more often. <BR> <BR> The cabbage I kept simple and just sliced it up and popped it in the microwave. It was sooo good with a sprinkle of sea salt on it! I will definately be buying cabbage again! Plus, it is really a lovely ... Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:30:55 EST Cornish Hens and... something.... OK! Cornish hens = big success! Cooked an extra special dinner on Sunday for me and the boyfriend. Roasted cornish hens, seared asparagus and baked sweet potatoes. Will definitely be making cornish hens again. I think I'd like to try them on the grill next time though. I was really surprised at how mild the taste was though. Definitely will put some stuffing in next time. <BR> <BR> So this weeks whole food was a big success, but I don't know what next weeks food will be. Usually I ha... Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:30:18 EST Kale and possibly the best dinner evah! I cooked why may well be the BEST dinner evah! <BR> <BR> I used my little table top grill to grill some sliced red potatoes sprinkled with garlic powder and salt, as well as some tilapia fillets. Next comes... <BR> <BR> KALE! My new whole food of the week! I just put it in a pan with a little water, some shredded carrots and onion, and then when it was done sprinkled some feta on top (Thanks Whole Foods!) <BR> <BR> This dinner was amazing! I never would have tried kale if it was not fo... Fri, 12 Feb 2010 21:45:22 EST Turnips and Parsnips Tried two new whole foods last week! Parsnips - we totally liked and will make again. Turnips - um, yeah, no wonder they're never on the menu at the restaurants we go to! Pass on those. Even the addition of a little balsamic vinegar after roasting couldn't perk them up! <BR> <BR> Tonight I'm trying kale. Never had, so hopefully I like it more than the turnips! <BR> <BR> As for this toe... Wow, keeping it warm is really helping. Although - I'm still worried about it. I've gained weig... Mon, 8 Feb 2010 16:45:34 EST Struggling to get back on track I don't know why, but I'm having such a hard time getting back on track this week. I was afraid to do my cardio because it seemed like the problem with my toe(s) was a circulation issue, but it doesn't look like that is the case. So why am I having a hard time getting on my bicycle? And why am I eating fistfulls of chocolate chips and half a pizza for dinner? I've done this before but not for this many days and not at night. Evening eating has never been a problem for me before. <BR> ... Fri, 5 Feb 2010 09:18:17 EST Bad week - can't wait for it to be over! OK, apparently my toes are not broken, but I have raynaud disease. So I have to keep my feet warm at ALL costs! Well, I thought I was trying my best to keep them warm. Clearly not. The pain is pretty bad though, and now they're turning purple from the tissue dying or something. The good news is that I can go back on my bicycle - which I'll need since I ate my worries away at Mom's house and then chased it with a trip to the Steak and Shake for a, yup, shake. The bad news is, more tests ... Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:00:08 EST Buttermilk and Broken Toes OK, I'm back on track with trying new whole foods. I bought some organic buttermilk and did a little baking. Made some awesome soda bread. I never realized how easy soda bread was to make, why do we only have it on St. Patrick's Day? With only a few ingredients and replacing some of the regular flour with whole wheat, I made a delicious loaf of a family favorite using only natural organic ingredient. Boyfriend didn't like it though, I guess it's the caraway seeds. He's never liked anythi... Thu, 28 Jan 2010 09:52:29 EST I WILL be a CPA! I WILL! At the beginning of January I read The Spark and was completely excited because I saw how it could help me set goals in other areas of my life. One of those other goals that I have is to become a CPA, something that has not been going well for me. (See past blog "Searching for my lost motivation" It's a long story...) <BR> <BR> Well, today I made real progress towards this goal. I'm graduating in May, so I sat down with a teacher and planned a little time-line of what I need to do and wh... Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:43:23 EST Mini-Foods OK, so I tried a couple of new foods this week, like I committed to but then got lazy about. <BR> <BR> The first set was accidental. I think my boyfriend was trying to cheer me up by acting a little silly. I had a bad night after cutting myself while drying dishes. After the trip to the clinic to get stitched up (such a little cut, too!), I had to pick up some bandages and figured we may as well get some fresh fruit and veggies. I wanted grapes, and my boyfriend started laughing at how s... Sat, 23 Jan 2010 19:29:11 EST Ideas for trying new foods! A long time ago, I was actually trying new whole foods and posting blogs about them each week. This didn't last too long though. It seems I ran out of ideas quickly, and really liked the ones that I did try, so I kept buying them instead continuing to try new ones. EG: Polenta. now on my plate at least 2-3 times a week. Same with quinoa. <BR> <BR> So does anyone have suggestions on other things that I can try? They have to be easy to prepare, and I only feed myself and my bf, so not... Sat, 16 Jan 2010 19:41:45 EST Searching for my lost motivation After having read The Spark and realizing that even though I've met my weight loss goals I can still use the book as a resource for other goals, I've had a lot to think about. At the end of the week, and after much journaling, I've pinpointed the following goals I have for 2010: <BR> <BR> 1. Pass the CPA exam. <BR> 2. Land a professional, full time job that will make me feel proud of myself. <BR> 3. Continue to build and strengthen my relationships with friends, family and my boyfried. <B... Sat, 9 Jan 2010 14:03:13 EST Taking control! OK, I have been a bit overwhelmed by a lot of stuff that has been going on for a long time now. I will post "my story" some other time, but know that 2009 was a STRESSFUL year for me. One of the reasons I joined sparkpeople and launched a healthy lifestyle is becuase I felt, and still feel, like it is the only part of my life that I CAN control. I can't help that I needed to start my education all over again, or couldn't find a full time job, or am now completely broke, living with my pare... Mon, 4 Jan 2010 14:40:08 EST Winter tragedy Alas, my little blue car has been the victim of winter weather. I was going to turn left into a gas station over what looked like a harmless little strip of snow leftover from the snow plows, only to get my car TOTALLY STUCK in the middle of the busiest road during rush hour because the harmless strip of snow was in actuality the *ahem* median. Soooo embarrassing. Police are all over, the fire department shows up because gas is leaking all over and I had to be towed. Traffic was moved off... Tue, 8 Dec 2009 23:13:52 EST No new food this week. :-( Well, the couscous that I made was great! It seems like it's a little high in calories, but it's totally worth it! So that is now a staple along with the polenta and quinoa. <BR> <BR> <BR> I don't really have a new food to try this week though. I'm still waiting for these persimmons that my boyfriend bought to ripen. It's been a week though, I think maybe it's time to just eat them. <BR> <BR> I did play around with tofu a bit. I've made it before, this time around I fried it up wi... Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:36:22 EST Couscous Last week I tried pomegranate as my new whole food, and I have to say that as delicious as it was, it was just not worth the effort of spitting out all those little seeds. I thought they'd be great in my salad, and I ended up spitting little bits out throughout my lunch, which was really gross since my lunch at work is held in a fairly public manner. So, maybe I'll just stick with pomegranate juice if I have a taste for it in the future. <BR> <BR> This week I'll be trying couscous. I hav... Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:54:00 EST Hit my goal! OK, this is a great week! I hit my goal, and rather unexpectedly!. I lost four pounds in ten days, what a shocker! Proof that if you stick with it, you will triumph! I think back on all those days when I pathetically entered all 4,000 calories that I ate in one day and then picked myself up the next and started over again and am in awe that I stuck with it. <BR> <BR> Anyone who reads this, PLEASE never give up! Keep starting over. I can't even count the number of "bad weekends" or em... Mon, 9 Nov 2009 16:49:24 EST Pomegranate Last weeks whole food was pumpkin seed. I roasted them the normal way, with salt, and they are delicious! I'm munching on them right now. I also tried roasting a pork loin, and that came out really well too. <BR> <BR> This week I plan on trying pomegranate, since they seem to be in season. I can't think of any other reason they seem to be so cheep (relatively speaking, of course - $1 a piece is still kinda pricy.) I'm thinking of tossing them into a salad or something. Maybe with the... Mon, 2 Nov 2009 18:27:57 EST Pumpkin seeds Well, I was really having a hard time thinking what my new "whole food of the week" would be. I've been terribly busy moving in with my boyfriend and a bunch of other stuff that's been going on. However, I enjoyed last the polenta last week so much, I didn't want to miss trying another whole food this week, especially now that I HAVE moved in with my boyfriend and have an actual kitchen to play in! <BR> <BR> That's when it hit me - pumpkin seeds! I'll be roasting pumpkin seeds from my c... Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:00:39 EST Polenta OK, after the worst weekend eating fiasco since my trip to Vegas months ago, I'm ready to start the week off with a new food. This week I will be trying polenta. I'm convinced it will be delicious and hopefully very versatile. I see it for breakfast, lunch and dinner in recipes everywhere. <BR> <BR> And truly, no more crazy eating-fest weekends! I've been trying to eat up the last of my food before I move, and that has meant a lot of old, processed food which I am no longer used to eatin... Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:20:54 EST Brown rice OK, last week I tried quinoa, and it was alright. This week I tried something a little less intimidating - brown rice. I got the short grain variety, so it was kinda sticky. It was ok as a side dish with some chicken thighs I cooked up with onions and rosemary. It was GREAT tonight, a couple days later, when I used the leftover rice to stuff acorn squash. I combined it with walnuts and dried cranberries, stuffed it into some pre-cooked acorn squash (hooray for microwaves!) with some chic... Wed, 14 Oct 2009 23:47:54 EST Quinoa OK, first new food that I cooked with is... quinoa! I have to say, this ws dissapointing at first. I didn't know what the flavor woul be, so I just boiled it in plain water. I added raisins and pine nuts becuase I figured those two go great with just about everything. The end result was dissapointing. However, I feel pretty good about the quinoa and feel like next time if I use chicken broth instead of water I'll have better results. Also, I had the leftovers today for breakfast. I boi... Thu, 8 Oct 2009 09:42:49 EST Buying in bulk! OK, I have NEVER done a blog before, but since I joined the 1 Day Challenge team and doing a blog is the challenge, I am giving it a try. I think today is a good day to start regardless because I went to Whole Foods and bought a ton of bulk food that I plan on cooking all winter long. SO - I bought some polenta, quinoa, pinto beans, kidney beans, white beans, and lentils. I'm planning on updating my blog each time I cook one of these up and letting everyone know how it turns out. I've nev... Fri, 2 Oct 2009 21:10:11 EST