CARETAKERS1's SparkPeople Blog CARETAKERS1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Monday check in I really am amazed at the support I get when I see people answer my blog. I see that they all write to each other and support each other. I'm still feeling overwhelmed by the thoughts of change. I'm not ready to pay it forward, but just seeing that others do is an inspiration. <BR> <BR> The weekend was ok, not great. I did have a few situations where my plans went awry. However, I also was able to balance out some screw-ups by going to bed hungrier than usual. It's not ideal, but cal... Mon, 9 Feb 2015 10:57:29 EST no results--and very proud That's right. I have seen no changes in my body at all...and I am still very proud! <BR> <BR> It's way to early for anything to happen physically. But I am laying down the framework and doing great!! I am back on Spark regularly. I regained my focus. I researched some new foods and put them on my shopping list. I met most of my goals from yesterday. (Except the chips...don't even think of stopping the chips...just put the chips on a plate.) I am proud of facing my initial challenges! ... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 08:51:19 EST Finding focus Getting or keeping my goal weight takes tremendous focus. I remember that I was aware of what I ate and how much movement I got since I was a teenager. In my twenties, it was a bit of an obsession. Regardless, I could show amazing results. In my thirties, I was armed with more years of information to offset my slightly slower metabolism, but the drive to be fit was almost as strong. <BR> <BR> When the baby came, the world became a complete blur and priorities were changed forever. Now,... Thu, 5 Feb 2015 08:36:44 EST breakfast I was all excited to write about my challenges with breakfast. Then I lost my car keys (probably fell out of my coat at Wendy's because dh drove). So now I'm defeated. But, then again, there's always time to complain about something. :) <BR> <BR> I'm still looking for a good breakfast. Something that will fill me up and help me avoid the blood sugar roller coaster throughout the day. Wait, there's more! It must, easy, nothing that hurts my stomach (oatmeal, dairy, raisins, ... Wed, 4 Feb 2015 08:43:22 EST Setting goals Good morning. Yesterday, I did throw out the cookies and eat the salad. I had several other incidents I'm not too proud of, but I did what I said. ;) <BR> <BR> Today I am thinking about my goals. I did set several goals that I never really met; the reunion, the family parties, the friend's wedding, the anticipation of dd turning four...then going to kindergarten...and then first grade. However, I have managed to stay under my high weight of 160(ish). I am very proud of that!! Someti... Tue, 3 Feb 2015 10:26:09 EST Hi again Hello Spark friends. I’m happy to be back with you again. A year and a half ago I wrote a blog almost every day and believe it or not, it was the only thing that worked for me. I wrote every day, Talking about my eating and exercising every day, my goals and my roadblocks. It worked. I apologize in advance, this time I’m not paying attention to grammar or typos, and I’m not going to be afraid of going on and on about myself…because it is permitted here!! I will allow myself ten min;utes... Mon, 2 Feb 2015 10:12:56 EST juicer Made a juice! Carrot & celery with some of Ashley's pineapple cup. I did it...assembly, breakdown, and washing the juicer. Work but worth it. Even did some housework: took out some garbage, recycling and items to donate because the house is a disaster. Rushing to get to work early. Phew! But juice was my goal and I did it. <BR> <BR> Next goal is to have healthy meals tomorrow. It's a busy day and I'm thinking ahead about how to avoid a tired-and-grabbing-starches-day. Tue, 29 Oct 2013 11:08:27 EST back to blogging Oh blog, I missed you! You kept me on track. You helped me focus my thoughts. You helped curb my crazy. I tried writing privately, then I didn't bother writing at all. Time is so much tighter now that I work. But I need to write. Even if my spelling is not fixed and my grammar is not checked, I need to tell the tales of my daily work on eating healthy and exercising. <BR> <BR> I've been on and off my program. Mostly off. I've ignored every kind thought sent to me through Spark Peopl... Mon, 28 Oct 2013 11:44:09 EST last blog I wanted to say goodbye to the blog. I just discovered how to make private journal entries so I'll enter my thoughts there. I'll still visit the Spark site. Who knows, maybe I'll even play around with some of the motivational games and activities someday. But for now, I have so much to translate from stressful thoughts to organized solutions and I'm much more comfortable writing privately. Thanks team!!! Tue, 20 Aug 2013 10:44:41 EST caretakers I never wrote about my user name. I think it will show some of the internal conflict I'm having about weight loss. <BR> <BR> This past year, when the news broke about the hospital in Texas banning workers with a high BMI, I was completely angry. I almost never log in into message boards but I had to stick it to those trolls on the message board. I created a user name--caretakers--and logged in. <BR> <BR> The way I see it is that a caretaker is a special kind of person in this world. P... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 13:27:26 EST more about tennis elbow After the cortisone shot to my arm I didn't slow down my pace. I figured I could do everything one-handed. I didn't use a splint or brace since it wasn't that bad. I didn't even tell many people. Basically, I ignored my doctor's advice to keep my arm as inactive as possible for two weeks. <BR> <BR> Now I think I'm going to be more careful. It's almost a week since the shot and while it's somewhat better, it's not as fast as I expected. My mother was right when she told me to slow down. ... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 21:09:04 EST keeping with the program I may not have lost much weight. The 140 appearing on the scale magically turned into 148 in a day: salt, bloat, lunch, whatever. I also still feel kind of lousy 100% of the time. That could possibly be because I decided to have a child at 38. Nevertheless, I decided to be proud of myself for staying on track with my program. <BR> <BR> That's right, I have not binged or missed workouts. I'm still experimenting with wheat-free. (It's actually been easy--except for chicken nuggets. That ... Fri, 16 Aug 2013 09:40:24 EST diet soda With slow and steady progress, I have targeted foods that have a bad reputation. I have been trying to eliminate them one by one. Diet soda is the next in line. <BR> <BR> I was never a big soda drinker, I only started drinking it regularly within the past year. I needed it to help give me energy and decrease my appetite. Gosh darn, that stuff works wonders. I kept to a glass a day, so I wasn't worrying about side effects. But then I started reading... <BR> <BR> Everyone knows the stuf... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 10:35:09 EST tennis elbow About 20 years ago I developed Piriformis Syndrome from running. Basically it's just a chronically tight tush muscle. It's something I have managed over the years by consciously stretching and strengthening the various muscles it hinders (when I can). I'm certain it was the underlying reason for my tennis elbow that appeared a few months ago. <BR> <BR> I ignored the elbow at first, because I can usually work out injuries on my own. But after a few months I went to my doctor. He gave me ... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 11:24:09 EST groceries again It is the third week in a row of wheat-conscious grocery shopping. I ventured out in the middle of a terrible thunderstorm---cursing and vowing not to buy as much as usual. I stuck to my promise and didn't buy much. Thunderstorm or not, buying less made the trip easier than before. <BR> <BR> I didn't bother to look for any new foods. I already had enough bags of grains that take half an hour to cook. I wasn't in the mood to try any more of the prepackaged grain side dishes either. Th... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 11:28:11 EST mothers My mother has been my biggest adversary with my weight gain...mostly because she is very conscious of her own looks. So, I decided to play a little game. <BR> <BR> Heh, heh, heh. This gets complicated, but it's worth the effort. My absolute highest weight was 158, but that only lasted a week and it took place a few years ago. I did keep off my July vacation weight loss which is about seven pounds. Maybe I lost a pound or two since then, maybe not. <BR> <BR> I see my mother every few ... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 10:04:09 EST weighing in I haven't weighed myself in over a week. I haven't seen many changes so I haven't bothered. The ring is tight, the bra cup runneth over, the muffin has a top. Last night I thrust my dinner plate out to show Jeff: a sprinkling of brown rice over a plateful of menacing green stuff and some fish. <BR> <BR> "Look at this!" I wailed, "I've been doing this for a long time now and I'm seeing so little change!" <BR> "Oh so that's what smelled bad. You gotta try Sensa. It's the new big thing. I... Sun, 11 Aug 2013 15:29:35 EST still talking about wheat Aah. Once again, the internet helped me find a solution to a nagging problem in my head. If only the internet could help me find a solution to the nagging habit I have of surfing the Web... <BR> <BR> I think this "Wheat Belly" book pushed me too far. Thank goodness I found plenty of people criticizing the book. Now I can see it all in a clearer perspective. Wheat may be the next food formerly known as healthy. As for myself, I have not seen any dramatic changes after avoiding wheat for ... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 09:12:17 EST thankful It's time to pause and see everything that is good in my life. I've been meaning to do it for a few days now, but I was stuck in a whirlwind. I think I calmed down enough to look around. While nothing is perfect, my family and I are healthy and generally happy. Most of the people I love are healthy. I have two good friends who were ill but for now are healthy. I have things--more things than many people in this world. I have people who love me and I love them and we let each other know... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 11:34:25 EST food and emotions Since I'm trying very hard not to use food as a crutch, my emotions are harder to control. Yesterday, some punk kids threw rocks at my car. Instead of just making a non-emergency report, I went absolutely bananas on them and had the police come to the scene. All's well that ends well, but I think most of it was because I am stressing myself out. <BR> <BR> On top of recent stresses, I am going nuts trying to stay on my program for the next four weeks. Grocery shopping for healthy food put... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 09:11:33 EST groceries I can't believe it's time to go to the grocery store again. Yes, I am going to whine and this is where I am going to do it. I just loaded up on an enormous amount of food a week ago and it's gone already. I'm getting blood sugar headaches again because I don't have enough solid food in me. If I were eating wheat and junk that wouldn't be a problem, I'd have some snack and I'd be fine. But instead I decided to be careful with my meal planning and it's really, really hard. All the fresh v... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 11:35:55 EST fluctuating Everyone knows that weight is always fluctuating. I didn't get the ring guard, instead I went to Claire's where I found plastic ring guards in assorted sizes. The tiny tubes slip onto the back of the ring for big or small adjustments. Today I don't need anything at all, but I know that my weight changes slightly with anything from meals, salt, my cycle, or even the weather. <BR> <BR> My clothing size is always changing too. Yes, I have that closet with separate fat and skinny clothes. ... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 09:07:04 EST trying wheat-free I finished reading "Wheat Belly" and had mixed opinions. It is clear that modern wheat causes many problems for those who are gluten intolerant and may have hidden dangers for the rest of us. I may even have some intolerance myself, because I did have many of the symptoms the author described. Well, it wouldn't be the first time the government has been way off with dietary advice. I'm still remembering the years when I used to aim for a fat-free food pyramid every day then secretly binge ... Sun, 4 Aug 2013 21:19:32 EST delaying stress Sometimes Diet Pepsi isn't such a bad thing. Yesterday it was my jet fuel sending me from ruminating to exercising. I was still sad after my workout--but functioning again. Then I made a new plan. I decided to continue staying strong on my program until Labor Day. That was part of my original goal and I still have the free time to do it. Although I used to think it would catapult me into a decent plateau, now I think I may fall apart somewhat with addition of new time and financial stre... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 19:12:14 EST hold onto the goal The stress is mounting. My job search and childcare search must to be full on starting last night. I'll skip over the unpleasant details, but the fallout is stress and unfortunately a change in my priorities. Darn. I have four more weeks until my luxury of regular exercise is over. It's not even two days after my countdown to the anniversary dress and I'm already losing sight of my goal. <BR> <BR> I know the pattern. It starts with stress. Then I want to do something instead of exerci... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 09:17:08 EST still blogging I think the blog is working. It it definitely time consuming, especially because I obsess about blogging each day. I'm not sure if anyone is out there. I think I would prefer to stay under the radar and not have readers. But for some reason, I do like the idea that I am not alone in this day to day drudgery. <BR> <BR> I am very private about my dieting. As a matter of fact, I am very private about many things. But here is a way to get it out. That golden frame with a blank rectangle... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 13:43:22 EST dirty little outfit secrets Today is better than yesterday with food and exercise back on track for now. But meanwhile, I have been dreading the 50th anniversary party set for Labor Day weekend. Now that I know my sister-in-law bought an eye-popping sexy new orange dress, I had to do something. I do have a beautiful dress and shoes ready for myself. So I decided to call on my support team: shapewear. <BR> <BR> The first secret is that I have an elegant and pretty dress with great shoes from a consignment store--whi... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 11:49:38 EST getting sloppy I finally got the huge trip to the supermarket out of the way. I'm still reading "Wheat Belly," so I bought many new items, keeping in mind that the author considers wheat more fattening than potato chips. It was exhausting. <BR> <BR> So now I have no excuse, right? Well, I actually was very sloppy with eating today. Maybe it's because it was a busy day, and I was so starving from having no food in the house at breakfast. Whatever the case, I found myself ending a lousy eating day by ... Tue, 30 Jul 2013 21:38:39 EST quick entry It's just another day and I seem to be doing average. I went walking and then read my first chapter of "Wheat Belly." <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is the long overdue food shopping day. I will aim to buy some new grains like quinoa. I will also try to get back on track with better balanced meals when my cabinets are full again. <BR> <BR> Mon, 29 Jul 2013 15:31:32 EST loose ring Recently, my wedding ring has been loose...well, on some mornings it is loose and on others it is snug as usual. In the beginning, my ring was always loose; I never resized it. I had lurking suspicion I'd gain weight during pregnancy so I just had a ring guard added. As the story goes, the ring guard was unnecessary for the last seven years. Now, I actually am not wearing the ring at all on the loose days and will soon happily get a new ring guard. <BR> <BR> Not much else seems to have... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 19:58:38 EST weekend eating Weekends can be tough with of eating on the run. Today was average. I got a hoagie instead of a salad but I needed to fill up. It helped because I didn't break down and have anything at all at Great Adventure! <BR> <BR> That also means I came home starving. I managed to pass over the bagels, have just one slice of Papa John's, and force down a plateful of microwaved cauliflower with the rest of my meal. <BR> <BR> Did I also mention I need to go food shopping? It's unbelievable how k... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 19:30:54 EST tracking the week Today I am tracking my progress and setbacks for the week. I identified leftovers as a force to be reckoned with. I'll be more aware of which foods weaken my willpower, and time will tell if it is enough to stop the hand to mouth when it goes on autopilot. I had some slips with the extra bread. Maybe reading "Wheat Belly" will give me some more incentive. I also need to find other options. At the diner, I had a $13 salad filled with protein and avocado and I still came home starving. T... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:59:17 EST Bread Next on my list of challenges is wheat. After reading about modern dwarf wheat on the Spark site, I wanted to learn more. Through Google I found that the 60's stared a revolution where wheat has been genetically engineered to yield enormous crops. Norman Borlaug was the man behind it. He was an amazing man and won a Nobel prize because he prevented worldwide famine. But he himself said there would be consequences; his dwarf wheat was intended to fight famine, not to be sucked up and misu... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 10:28:20 EST back to blog I went shopping instead of blogging yesterday. Shopping is always therapeutic at any size! I needed to get some outfits to be ready if I'm called to substitute in September. Otherwise there was little to report yesterday, except the three turkey hot dogs. I planned on having one, and the two others just happened. Darn. It was not even a day after my big blog about leftovers. <BR> <BR> My eating has been ok, but not amazing. There has been a bit more bread and a few less veges than I p... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 11:23:46 EST leftovers Yesterday at lunch I did something new. I threw my daughter's two extra Burger King chicken nuggets into the garbage instead of popping them in my mouth. Oh, it was a moment of pain. I'm actually replaying the scene in my head and imagining I got to have those two tasty bites. But I have decided to become very aware of leftovers and how they cannot be a part of my day if I want to reach my goal. <BR> <BR> Eating leftovers seems harmless. Throwing food away seems wasteful, and I don't ha... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 09:14:39 EST thyroid For the past few days, I have been reminding myself that I need to refill my thyroid medication. What would normally be a simple task is now another challenge falling onto my path. I made the decision to switch from Synthroid to a generic--only because Syntroid is just too expensive to keep long term. <BR> <BR> My doctor always insisted on prescribing Synthroid instead of a generic. I checked the Internet and the general consensus seems to agree with him. I suppose each person is affecte... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 15:24:22 EST priorities Yesterday, while I was speaking with a new acquaintance, she mentioned it was very hard for her to breathe in the heat. She also made a joke about her weight. I wanted her to know I understand how she feels, so I told her I recently lost almost fifteen pounds. She then shared that she had lost 53 pounds this past year. Suddenly, I felt awful. This woman must have been through hell to lose that weight, and she still can't breathe. Here I am, whining every day about my situation which pal... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 09:54:16 EST workout completed It's just another day and another workout. It was nothing special, I woke up with the onset of a cold so I did a healthy back video. It wasn't the calorie burn of a cardio workout, but my core desperately needed some attention so it was a good decision. I made it through without the enthusiasm of a few days ago, but I made it through so I'll consider it a successful day. <BR> <BR> I weighed myself today and it turns out that my vacation weight stayed off. It's unbelievable. This is the ... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 11:12:59 EST just another day Today I'm a little drained from my fourth day of true devotion to my program. I've been blogging often too. I'm still undecided if the blogging is worth the time. Of course I am the rule maker of my blog so I can change any time I want. At this point, I will continue until I am ready to make another decision. At least some of those swirling thoughts in my head are now out and delivered into written words. My head is tired and I'm ready to rest it a little. <BR> <BR> Like most people, I... Thu, 18 Jul 2013 10:15:28 EST exercise I used to love exercise in my twenties and thirties. It gave me guaranteed results for my effort. Exercise was a release, an identity, and a social outlet. Weight training let me turn my inner nerdiness into something admired by all types. Running gave me a chance to rest my mind and occasionally reach the coveted high. Aerobics allowed me to pretend I was part of a colorful dance video. <BR> <BR> But now exercise is hard. I just can't reach the levels to make the changes. Today I tri... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 11:25:32 EST rest day I'm only exercising on alternate days, but today is hardly a day off. I am thinking about my program all the time. However, this actually works for me. <BR> <BR> For about five years I was unmotivated. I wasn't thinking about fitness but I was preoccupied with self hatred. I would pass the huge mirror built into my bathroom and find myself doing slow and hopeless pirouettes. If I forgot to feel defeated, my body did it for me with its inability to perform properly. <BR> <BR> I did no... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 12:15:16 EST window of opportunity Today begins a stretch of free time. Of course the daily errands and random tasks are part of the day, but starting today I have eight weeks without a job and without a child underfoot. Ashley will be going to camp every morning. Preschool and preschool camps were only three mornings a week, but this is five mornings a week. When I worked in her school, time for me was even more limited. But starting today, I have eight weeks to fully commit to a fitness program. And I'm terrified. <B... Mon, 15 Jul 2013 08:05:41 EST family gathering My nephew's first birthday party was yesterday. It was hard to make smart food choices. The other side of the family is Indian and the food is always wonderful. I am not upset, I know I'm back on track with food already. <BR> <BR> However, I think I actually made some strides with my family relationships. It has been almost six years of badgering from my family about my weight gain. My family is slim and active. My sister had her second child at 48 without keeping even one pound, due ... Sun, 14 Jul 2013 14:48:35 EST home again Hi. I had a wonderful week at Disney World and am also very proud of myself! In the past I have always been able to make smart choices in restaurants. Chefs prepare healthy food much better than I can, and it has just never bothered me. I was able to make smart choices for most of this trip as well. My only challenges were wondering when or what the next meal or snack would be, so I tended to have larger portions than usual...and I had a small treat each day. On the whole, I think I did... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 16:18:03 EST First Blog Hi. I thought I'd try a blog to celebrate my three month mark of really trying. I am 44, married with a five year old daughter, and really trying to restore some of that vitality, health, and confidence I used to have before I gained my 40 pounds of post partum weight. I keep very little information on Facebook, but here I feel it's a bit more anonymous, so the blog may be a good outlet for me. <BR> <BR> I'll start simple and just mark where I am in my journey. For about three months no... Wed, 3 Jul 2013 09:43:12 EST