CAREN_BLUEJEANS's SparkPeople Blog CAREN_BLUEJEANS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Hope is stupid, and other thoughts A few pairs of pants fit again. I've reached a new stage of depression, where I accept that lay off is happening in 5 weeks. Nothing is going to stop it. no reprieve from the governor. no deus ex machina. I wish my mother were alive. No one is ever going to be completely in my corner like Mom was. I wish I had her strength to lean on. Now I have to be the strong one. without her. I have to set a good example for my kids on how to face adversity with dignity and determination. As much as I wan... Wed, 29 Jul 2015 19:43:28 EST Adding some structure <img src=""> <BR> #TrumpYourCat <BR> Brush your dog or cat, place the hair on his or her head, and take a pic. <BR> <BR> I've been doing a lot more walking. I usually listen to a history podcast. Life of Caesar, or the French Revolution gets me through a 3 mile walk in 1 hour. I'd like to increase my speed. I can wear my pants again, although they are too tight. Adding structure to my new free time is another go... Mon, 27 Jul 2015 09:54:59 EST Pants don't fit It's been a week since I found out I'm laid off, and I've been comfort eating, and sometimes binging, and sometimes drinking. Although I do set some limits on myself, like no wine before 6pm, and keep it down to 2 glasses. Old habits in times of stress. The cause of the gain doesn't matter. It's what I do about it. My size 12 pants don't fit. I'm wearing dresses, which hide a lot of sins. <BR> <BR> I've got to reel my behaviors in. Let's just say, to be frugal, I don't want to have to buy a ... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 09:24:02 EST 228 day streak Don't take my 228 day streak as I sign that I'm doing well. These days I'm just spinning the log-in wheel at Spark People, and then basically not following through. There's a part of me that just doesn't care, and another that regrets my bad decisions, knows a weight gain is going to happen, but understands, as well. <BR> <BR> I try not to go hog wild, and try to minimize the damage by having smaller treat portions, limit drinking to after 6, getting some exercise. <BR> <BR> I went through... Tue, 14 Jul 2015 10:20:18 EST Friday Goal to just get through the day without punching someone Today's goals: <BR> Don't cry at work <BR> Don't offend anyone, as tempting as an FU moment is, don't burn bridges <BR> Be classy, dress like a million bucks, smile like a diamond, make them sorry to lay off someone as wonderful as me <BR> Remember it could be worse, at least no one is dying or in jail <BR> <BR> I didn't cut my cable yet. But I did call them & got some kind of 1 year special, saving $20/mth. I'm going to see what other internet providers cost. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I was ju... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 09:52:47 EST I got laid off They closed another department, and people there got "bumping rights." And I got bumped. This is really bad, as a single mom with a kid going into his senior year, I want to wait until he graduates to sell my house and move. I don't know if I can afford it. <BR> <BR> I have a lot of questions. But for now, if you've been laid off, what are the questions to ask HR? <BR> <BR> What cost saving measures should I implement right away? What can wait? <BR> <BR> I have until Aug 31. Thu, 9 Jul 2015 14:27:04 EST Wednesday <img src="">I've been hinting about it, because I don't know for sure what's going to happen to me, but I'm having a lot of stress at work. My goals today are: <BR> <BR> 1. Don't cry at work (but I didn't wear mascara, just in case) <BR> 2. Be classy, strong & dignified <BR> 3. Take people as they come. If they want to make this about them, let them. Supporters know it's about me <BR> 4. Stay in the moment. I'm ok... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 11:22:08 EST Build a Rolling Bar Cart with Removable Tray <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The rolling bar cart (or BBQ cart) with removable tray is the latest addition to my suite of DIY patio furniture. I followed the instructions from Ana White. Her site has become a bit of a building obsession with me. I pour over what projects she's made, as well as the brag post by others from all over... Mon, 6 Jul 2015 13:47:00 EST Monday Goals I lost a pound at Saturday's weigh in. Go me! Moreover, I'm setting a good example for my kids. My son middle son is visiting this week. He's lost 24 pounds since I last saw him, 2 pounds a week. I'm really impressed. <BR> <BR> I'm taking vacation from work this week. I hope to stay active, not gain weight, and finish my bar cart. <BR> <BR> Monday Goals: <BR> 1. walk 60 min <BR> 2. eat lots of fruits & veg. <BR> 3. woodworking <BR> <BR> I'm off to take a walk. Mon, 29 Jun 2015 09:55:08 EST Friday <img src=""> <BR> I'm a SparkPeople Motivator of the Day! I'm humbled and honored. I'm getting lots of new friend adds, which really boosts my mood, after taking a drunken rant from my friend. Yikes! I just got off the phone with her. She feels so bad about that. <BR> <BR> Dinner tonight is blackened chicken and strawberry salad. <BR> <BR> Strawberry vinaigrette <BR> <BR> 1 lb strawberries, halved <BR> ... Fri, 26 Jun 2015 11:33:22 EST Thursday Goals Yesterday, I was eating more ways than one. I went to a conference with my friends from work. We went to 2 bars afterwards. I was designated driver (DD). Conversation turned to my ex, who's visiting tomorrow, and I got all defensive, and basically my friend called me an a-hole, and I said I know she doesn't like me, and said I said sh**y things to her, and I don't even remember saying that years ago, and my heart sunk. I want to make friends, but I'm such an a-hole, and say things. ... Thu, 25 Jun 2015 08:38:32 EST Monday <img src=""> I built some end tables to go with my park bench. <link><BR>6/end-tables.html </link> <BR> I just realized I forgot to use wood glue with my screws. Oh well, hope it doesn't fall apart. <BR> <BR> My weight is up. I guess that wonderful 3 pound loss was just water weight. Curse you, clean eating! for getting my hopes up, only to dash them again. This is just why ... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 10:17:08 EST Friday I got a different shot in the knee yesterday. The cortical steroids aren't lasting 3 months anymore, so now the dr gave me a lubricant shot of synvic <link><BR>ne.aspx </link> , and a Rx for NSAID (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug). The shot will take a while to kick in, but will last maybe 6 months. When my knee feels beter, I'll start getting more cardio. BUT, the dr says no more running. It's too hard on the knee, forget about it. Truthfully, I don... Fri, 19 Jun 2015 09:56:07 EST Thursday Goals Thursday Goals <BR> 1. write it before I bite it (done, well except for dinner) <BR> 2. exercise at least 10 min <BR> 3. drink plenty of water <BR> 4. stay positive <BR> 5. Get cortisone shot in the knee at 3 <BR> <BR> Thursday menu <BR> B-2 eggs, Thomas' 100$ WW eng muffin, 1/2 cup blueberries (300 cal) <BR> S-1/4 cup almonds, banana (240 cal) <BR> L-tuna, tossed salad (140 cal) <BR> S-Apple & 2 baby bels (200 cal) <BR> D-??? <BR> <BR> <img src=" Thu, 18 Jun 2015 11:05:05 EST Wednesday Goals Yesterday I hit all my goals. Yay! Are you guys interested in me posting my menus? Do you find it interesting? <BR> <BR> Or should I just ask myself, does it keep me accountable? focused? transparent? <BR> <BR> Suffice it to say, I've made my menu, packed my lunch & snacks, and already tracked my foods, and it's 8 a.m. <BR> <BR> Wednesday Goals <BR> 1. track food (done) <BR> 2. exercise at least 10 min (done) <BR> 3. stay positive <BR> 4. Drink more water <BR> 5. no alcohol, sugar, artif... Wed, 17 Jun 2015 09:18:57 EST Tuesday Goals After a weekend of binge watching tv shows, drinking alcohol, and making tables, I'm back to clean eating plan. Sorta, the marinara & dressing had some sugar. I make my mornings easier. I plan & pack my lunch & snacks the night before. and I made the egg white muffins this past weekend. <BR> <BR> Monday Menu: (about 1500 cal) <BR> B-egg white muffins, Thomas's 100% WW English muffins, watermelon <BR> S-hummus, baby carrots, celery <BR> L-creamy chicken quinoa & spinach casserole (leftover... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:14:05 EST I lost 3 pounds! I lost 3 pounds this week! Can I get a Woo Hoo? <em>244</em> I have never, ever lost 3 pounds in a week before. I'm so freaking happy! <em>30</em> I strictly followed the clean eating plan, up to last night when I had a little bit of bread, and a sip of wine. Not my usual 8 oz glass. Seriously, I measured 1 oz, because I didn't want to throw off this morning's weigh in. <BR> <BR> A little back story. I lost a lot of weight. Took up exercise, which I love. But, I hit a plateau all of... Sat, 13 Jun 2015 10:21:46 EST Friday Goals <img src=""> <BR> I'm excited Orange Is the New Black Season 3, all 13 episodes now on Netflix <BR> <BR> Still going strong! Hit all my goals yesterday. Today, I already drank 12 oz water, did 15 min exercise. <BR> <BR> Friday Goals: <BR> 1. track food <BR> 2. cardio (done) <BR> 3. drink plenty of water <BR> 4. be grateful <BR> <BR> Friday Menu <BR> B-2 Egg white muffins, green tea w/ 1 tbs honey, mixed berries,... Fri, 12 Jun 2015 08:44:20 EST Thursday Goals I hit most of my goals yesterday, just not the steps & water goals. I installed an app, Aqualert, to help remind me to drink water throughout the day. It's free with ads. <BR> <BR> Today's menu plan: (about 1300 cal) <BR> B-2 Egg white muffins, green tea, mixed berries, Thomas' Whole Wheat English muffins <BR> S-Cottage cheese, 1 tsp ground pepper and 1 of the following: diced green peppers, tomatoes, green onions <BR> L-Tuna, salad with 2 tbs balsamic vinaigrette and fresh veggies <BR> S-O... Thu, 11 Jun 2015 07:16:07 EST Wednesday Goals; drink more water <img src=""> <BR> I ran the week 2, day 2 of couch to 5k. The cardio aspect was wonderful, however my knee was sore. I'm going to make an appointment for another cortisone shot to the knee. Yeah! (sarcasm) I did well on the clean eating. OK, only 2 days, but I still miss diet coke, water flavoring, and sweetener in my coffee. Lemon slices, ice cubes and drinking straws help me suck down more water. <BR> <img src=... Wed, 10 Jun 2015 09:55:15 EST Tuesday Goals I nailed all my goals yesterday. Note to self: drink water before all meals, check menu the night before & pack lunch & snacks. It just makes mornings easier. I brought in some lemon slices today to help me suck down more water. I did 15 min of kettlebell workout. It was tough! Cardio and strength training combined. Here's a link: <BR> <link><BR>sgjdIts </link> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 9 Jun 2015 09:48:40 EST Monday Goals <img src=""> Monday morning sweaty workout pic. Ran week 2 of C25K! Cardio conditioning is great! First week of couch to 5k was tough, but my cardio conditioning has quickly returned. I surprised myself by getting into shorts, and taking a run at 5:30 am. I'm nailing it. <BR> <BR> My weight 187, up 5 pounds since new years. But I'm doing something about it. Started my clean eating plan. Breakfast was about 300 cal... Mon, 8 Jun 2015 08:55:58 EST Clean Eating Today I joined a 5-day (starting Monday) clean eating support group, run by my friend & coworker. I don't usually do these sorts of fad diets because: <BR> <BR> 1. It's temporary, not a lifestyle change <BR> 2. Cutting out cheese, alcohol, bread, pasta, white rice, pizza, diet coke is not sustainable for me <BR> 3. I suspect it's a gateway to selling Beachbody products, like shakes, DVDs, etc, at extreme markup <BR> <BR> But on the other hand: <BR> <BR> 1. I bemoan the fact that I have li... Fri, 5 Jun 2015 12:21:44 EST Thursday Goals I ran Week 1 day 2 of couch to 5K yesterday, and took a long walk after dinner to get my 10,000 steps in. Where is this motivation coming from? I kept failing, restarting, failing, restarting, and then for some reason, everything is easier, everyday is not a struggle to track food & get exercise. Maybe it was finishing the quilt, and giving up on perfectionism. At the same time I held 2 thoughts: I don't care if I finish it, and I'm proud that I finished it. The fun was in the doing of the pr... Thu, 4 Jun 2015 08:59:28 EST Wednesday I tracked my food, and did 10 min of abs workout yesterday. Today is a cardio day. I'll try C25K again, after I pickup stuff from the store. <BR> <BR> Wednesday goals: <BR> 1. track food <BR> 2. at least 10 min cardio <BR> <BR> I watched Extreme Weight Loss last night. My son called it fatsploitation, but I think the message is more positive & inspiring than Biggest Loser. First, there's no competition, eliminations, temptation challenges, or teaming up against one another. Second, the pro... Wed, 3 Jun 2015 09:57:14 EST Tuesday Goals <img src=""> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> Yesterday I did week 1, day 1 of Couch to 5 K program. I've done this program before, never really finished it. Now, letting go of my perfectionism, I don't care if I don't finish the 8 weeks of running. I don't even care if I just do week 1 over & over. I think last year I got to week 4, when I came down with pneumonia. <BR> <BR> DS28 was making... Tue, 2 Jun 2015 13:08:32 EST Happy June <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I finished my quilt! It was a rainy weekend, so I did inside projects, instead of building stuff out of wood. And I think that letting go of my perfectionism really helped me to just finish the darn thing. Don't ask me how long it took. It's at least 8 years. <BR> <BR> Can I use the same way of think... Mon, 1 Jun 2015 11:31:33 EST Raised garden done! <img src=""> Jersey is guarding the veggie garden from rabbits! Making a raised garden was a lot of work, and a team effort. I made a small fence to discourage rabbits, which are quite a problem! <BR> <BR> I'm trying to keep busy to keep the blues at bay. Mowed the lawn just in time. The rains came just as I went inside. I cleaned the house. Did a little food shopping. Played with the dog. I'm not binge eating. S... Sun, 24 May 2015 17:58:17 EST Went to the ER I was having some chest pains, like squeezing my chest, going around to the back. I thought it might go away by itself, but it was happening on and off. So I went to the ER. Given my heart murmur, it seemed the prudent thing to do. My coworker drove me, and stayed so I wouldn't be alone. It was intense. When I went in and said I had chest pains, I was whisked away in a wheelchair, plopped in a bed, and hooked up with EKG, blood pressure cuff, and IV blood draw, whilst peppered with medical hi... Fri, 22 May 2015 15:43:18 EST Friday I finally shook off the blues yesterday. I went for a 20 min bike ride, and was out of breath. Fun! It really helped to plan exercise like an appointment with myself. <BR> <BR> Friday Goals <BR> 1. track food <BR> 2. exercise 4 pm <BR> 3. stay positive Fri, 22 May 2015 09:17:30 EST Thursday Goals If you want to see a funny video, watch Too Many Cooks <BR> <link><BR>OK8oZG8 </link> <BR> <BR> Thursday Goals: <BR> 1. track food <BR> 2. exercise min 10 min, after work, at 4 pm <BR> 3. think about all I have to be grateful for <BR> 4. think about my accomplishments <BR> <BR> <BR> For #tbt, throw back Thursday, here's pic of me at 12 yrs old <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 21 May 2015 09:55:54 EST Wednesday Goals I bought some more plants: cucumber, Brussels sprouts, and red bell pepper, as well as the peat & cow manure. I'll have to drive out to the orange store for vermiculite. So far I've spent $35 on the veggie garden. I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch, or my veggies before they are harvested. <BR> <BR> Calculating the Cost of Growing Your Own Food <BR> How to Put Away Big Bucks with Your Green Thumb <BR> <link><BR>on_articles.asp?id=1738 ... Wed, 20 May 2015 10:23:57 EST Tuesday Goals <img src=""> <BR> I reached all my daily goals yesterday. 5 day streak! Go me! <BR> <BR> Tuesday Goals <BR> 1. track food <BR> 2. exercise <BR> 3. stay positive <BR> <BR> I picked up lumber yesterday for my next few projects, one of which is a raised garden bed. I'm planning on 4x4' garden, of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers and basil, and maybe leeks, broccoli, cauliflower or spinach. <BR> <BR> Do you garden? Te... Tue, 19 May 2015 12:04:49 EST Monday Goals I did a 4 day streak of completely and honestly tracking food, including the weekend, which can very often challenge my food journaling. Back to work today, it's so much easier to stay focused. Even though there are cupcakes in the break room, I'm not even going there. <BR> <BR> DS27 is done with university for the year, and needs to find a job. I gave him a list of chores. I keep emailing him job leads. <BR> <BR> Monday Goals: <BR> 1. fruit or veg with every meal or snack <BR> 2. drink pl... Mon, 18 May 2015 12:51:24 EST Blogging at 1 am I shouldn't have looked at Facebook, because I saw all those happy kids at HS prom, and DS16 didn't want to go, and college graduation, and DS27 didn't have all his requirements to graduate, and several acquaintances of mine, women my age included graduated, and I'm not invited to any parties. When I followed my ex to IL, I left all my friends behind. And I haven't made any good friends. My own fault for staying. But, I stayed to sell the house at first. Then later because I had a job & the k... Sun, 17 May 2015 02:17:30 EST 2 day streak <img src=""> <BR> 2 day streak of tracking food. Let's keep it up over the weekend. Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrow a dream. All we have is today. I vow to myself to completely & honestly track food. <BR> <BR> I also have other plans. I'm going to buy myself a brad nailer. They have 1 on sale. That will make furniture building go faster. Next project is an outdoor table. I'm also going to the movies to see Mad Max... Sat, 16 May 2015 08:29:26 EST You're never behind. Start where you are. <img src=""> <BR> Here's where I am today, 186. Size 12s are getting tight. Not happy with the regain. I'm back to tracking food today. What inspired me to stop this regain in it's tracks, before I gain it all back (and then some)? I read a featured blog by my Spark Friend, Pixie-Licious <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5927543 </link> <BR> All the feelings I'm having: ... Thu, 14 May 2015 09:08:13 EST Build a Modern Park Bench <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I built this lovely, modern park bench from plans I found at Ana White. The only adjustment I made was to make the legs out of 4x4s. I like this plan because it's all straight, right angle cuts, a one day project, which I tackled by myself. I'm definitely getting more comfortable with the miter saw. The wood cost under $50. I plan to paint it with primer, then white exterior paint, both of which I have around the h... Mon, 11 May 2015 15:28:22 EST Wednesday: Make Small Goals <img src=""> <BR> It was raining & flash flooding on Monday, so I didn't get to the gym for Zumba. Tuesday was my son's concert, so I didn't get there again. I'm going to make a small goal for myself, to workout in my lovely home gym for 10 min a day (at least) on days I can't make it to the gym, or the gym is closed, or not running the classes I want because it's summer session. <BR> <BR> I usually do hour classes at the gym. OK, the... Wed, 6 May 2015 10:49:08 EST Monday: productive weekend <img src=""> <BR> The first project I tackled from Ana White's wonderful plans was a building a sturdy work table for my miter saw that I bought at a garage sale for $25. I was using cinder blocks and plywood as a makeshift work table, and wanted an improvement on that as my first project. So, let the fun begin! <BR> <BR> I started the project on Saturday after lunch, going to the lumber yard and picking up wood and screws for about $50.... Mon, 4 May 2015 11:40:53 EST Friday <img src=""> <BR> <link> </link> thinks I"m 29, but I"m really 54. <BR> <BR> I made sloppy joes for dinner, ate lightly, got to zumba 7:30 last night, and it was great! Stayed within calorie range. <BR> <BR> I hope you have a great weekend. And happy May Day! Fri, 1 May 2015 15:14:47 EST Thursday I didn't get to zumba last night. We can blame DS16, because he was volunteering & didn't know when he would be done. So rather than go to zumba 6:30-7:30, I did some much neglected (because I've been working on the gate the last 2 weekends) gardening. I mowed the lawn, pulled weeds, and planted some flowers. <BR> <BR> I started a blog & pinterest board about my wood working projects. This weekend, I plan to buy more lumber & make a sturdy work bench for my miter saw. <BR> <link>getbuildi... Thu, 30 Apr 2015 08:49:18 EST Wednesday Zumba was so much fun last night! I'm going again tonight. On the good side, I don't have to push myself to exercise often enough, or long enough. But diet... <BR> <BR> I have to track food better. I'm not tracking, eating too much, and not losing weight. Why am I even? The whole weight loss attempt is just so much. Wed, 29 Apr 2015 14:17:03 EST Tuesday: Get Moving <img src=""> <BR> Exercise is not as important to weight loss as diet, however, it lifts my mood & energy! Today's challenge is to get at least 10 minutes of fitness. Schedule it on your calendar, as an unbreakable appointment. <BR> <BR> Today is Fitness Frenzy on the football field from 6-8 p.m. Zumba, Dance Fusion, Kickboxing, Hula hoop, and Yoga! <BR> <BR> I've arrange for my kids to have dinner ready for me when I get home. <BR> ... Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:14:47 EST Monday: productive weekend <img src=""> <BR> I finished my fence & gate! It was a lot of work, not much money, and a fun family project. Altogether I spent $175, including treated lumber, concrete, hardware, screws, and posthole diggers. It was fun teaching my youngest son how to use power tools! <BR> <BR> 1. Plan, plan, plan <BR> 2. dig post holes down 2', below frost line (we needed 3) <BR> 3. place 4x4 posts, measure for height, & cut down to size <BR> 4. plac... Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:33:35 EST Thursday: Embrace Failure <img src=""> <BR> Re-frame failures as learning opportunities. Write a few healthy choices I made, and a few failures, ans how I can learn from them in the future. <BR> <BR> 1. I went to zumba, even though I was pressed for time <BR> 2. I stayed within calorie range for a week and a day W-D <BR> 3. I made spinach balls for treat day at work, a somewhat healthy option <BR> <BR> 1. I had Wendy's ghost pepper fries for lunch. What I learne... Thu, 23 Apr 2015 14:43:23 EST Wednesday: Be a Leader <img src=""> <BR> I aspire to be a good leader. I am open & honest about my ups & downs. To be a good leader, I don't have to be perfect, just passionate. I invite you to share what you've learned on your weight loss journey. <BR> <BR> Well, I managed to stay within calorie limits for a whole week, with a W! <BR> <BR> I want to keep my streak going. <BR> Wed, 22 Apr 2015 10:07:43 EST Tuesday: Work Out Your Brain Today's challenge is to do some research about my goals. Read an article, talk to someone, visit a new (to me) blog. Write 3 things I learned from my research. <BR> <BR> I went to Reader's Digest for these tips. <BR> <link><BR>ow-to-lose-weight/ </link> <BR> 1. Walk 5 min every 2 hours. Sounds easy! <BR> 2. Try hot sauce, salsa & Cajun seasonings. Yummy! <BR> 3. Eat oatmeal for breakfast 5 days a week. I can do that. <BR> <BR> You may not know this ab... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 14:29:29 EST Monday: Make It Automatic <img src=""> <BR> Make it automatic: <BR> 1. Lay out your gym clothes the night before <BR> 2. Plan & shop for all your meals for the week <BR> 3. My exercise days a routine M/W cardio, T/Th strength <BR> 4. Schedule exercise on the calendar, an unbreakable appointment with yourself <BR> 5. Schedule your meals on the calendar, too <BR> 6. Pack your lunches the night before <BR> <BR> Tonight is Zumba! <BR> Mon, 20 Apr 2015 09:21:12 EST Sunday, another productive day I had another very productive day. Worked on the yard, food shopped, fixed the dryer hose, vacuumed the attic, did laundry, and made ribs for dinner. What a treat! But high cal. I'm done with my calories for the day. Too bad I don't get ice cream. but this is a real NSV for me to stay within my calorie range on the weekend. <BR> <BR> D-D-D-D-D Sun, 19 Apr 2015 20:02:36 EST