CALLME3NI's SparkPeople Blog CALLME3NI's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Hello again (maybe?) I've been gone for a while. Last year, the friend who originally introduced me to SP told me she'd started using My Fitness Pal and liked it better. So I did some exploring and found that I liked it too. I've been logging everything on there ever since, and I have my Fitbit linked as well. My last weigh-in on SP around this time last year had me at 179. Since then, I've gotten back up to my original starting weight from 5 years ago, and things haven't moved. And it's not just the scale. ... Wed, 26 Jul 2017 07:16:54 EST Sigh I honestly hate my body. I've been either gaining weight or staying the same number-wise for a while, regardless of what strategy I use. They're all strategies that worked for me in the past (using sp's nutrition recommendations, using a 2000 calorie limit, weighing every week, not weighing at all), but they're not working now. Most recently, I thought that if I curbed nighttime grazing/bingeing I would likely stop gaining/start losing weight again even if I couldn't track anything during ... Sun, 14 Feb 2016 07:53:58 EST Oh haiiii Quick update because it's been a while. Still tracking most of my calories and working toward my goal weight. It's residency interview season, which means a lot of free fancy meals and not a lot of self-control. I come into each dinner with a plan of attack and then disregard it halfway through the entree. Still something to work on. I recently (like, yesterday) decided to go back to doing the Blogilates calendars full-time, instead of doing one video + stretches. I took a class on obes... Mon, 16 Nov 2015 09:30:45 EST back to it Sure enough, stepped on the scale this morning and was greeted with a number I haven't seen in a very long time. I tried to see how long it's actually been since my weight was this high, but I couldn't find a date. I know it's been over a year, potentially more than two. And I know part of this is time of the month, but I can't blame everything on that. I hate that I have to rely on the scale, but often "as long as my clothes fit" isn't a reliable marker until they stop fitting. So it's ... Mon, 14 Sep 2015 05:59:32 EST apparently Honesty is no longer the best policy Based on the response to my last blog post (both post and comment have now been deleted and I'm trying to keep myself from writing something on "stop p***ing and moaning's" spark page that I'll regret later) I guess you're only allowed to be positive here. If you're feeling down and you're more or less immobilized by that feeling you should just lie. No one here wants to hear about how you're struggling with your weight and feeling depressed, save that at the door. That's not a success sto... Fri, 1 May 2015 06:39:16 EST No Body Shame Real quick post because I'm supposed to be making protein muffins right now... I stumbled upon the No Body Shame Campaign the other day...and I'm all in. I'm not overweight, but I am "over" society telling me I should only be content if I look a certain way. Flat abs, sculpted arms, slender know the deal. From now on I want to love where I am right now. Like, well, right now: I'm sitting in the floor, still wearing my fairly girly pajamas, texting a blog post into my phone... Sun, 22 Feb 2015 08:25:16 EST Progress Report: 12/31/14 It's almost 2015! I can barely believe it. I was just going through my "year in review" on Facebook and thinking about how much actually happened this year. I took the Step 1 board exam, completed third year clerkships, and more. <BR> <BR> It's funny how our personal accomplishments take a back seat once we look in the mirror. Anyone who read my "progress reports" this year remembers how much of a roller coaster that was. I thought that pictures and measurements would be good ways for ... Wed, 31 Dec 2014 19:00:38 EST Progress Report: 12/1/14 (i wrote this the day before Thanksgiving, while i was home on break, on one of my "bad" days. i've been feeling better since then, more optimistic about my usual struggles. but i decided not to rewrite this. not sure why i didn't. the pics are from the first of the month.) <BR> <BR> I don't even want to talk about progress. <BR> <BR> I feel like I'm all the way back at the beginning of this year, when I first decided to be more deliberate about shaping up my body. except this time i'm... Sun, 7 Dec 2014 11:47:35 EST Progress Report: 11/1/14 I have to be up super early tomorrow (like, 3am or so), so I'm going to keep this very brief and just post the pictures I took yesterday. Not much has changed from my last post--still fighting belly fat and love handles, still wishing I didn't have to track calories, still not getting very much sleep or doing any meditation because of my ridiculous schedule (seriously, how do they expect us to be good doctors if we don't get any time to take care of ourselves?). <BR> <BR> <img src="http://... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 22:16:34 EST An Unexpected Strength Test This past weekend, the medical school had their annual intramural tournament known as College Cup. I consider this "the most wonderful time of the year" as it allows people to showcase their skills in events such as Iron Chef, inner tube water polo, basketball, and even Scrabble. This year, I participated in several events, one of them being Twister as part of the "board games" category. I signed myself up for this because a) I don't play any of the team sports and can't swim, b) I'm tall ... Mon, 27 Oct 2014 15:45:31 EST Progress Report: 10/1/14 This post is a few days late, because I've been hella busy. Gonna keep this short, mostly because my first one got deleted before I could upload. <BR> <BR> I've been tracking intermittently for the past few weeks, partly because of general busyness (had some night shifts recently) and partly because I wanted to focus more on hunger cues and less on numbers. I've fallen back into mindless snacking just the same (I call them "mini-binges"--I know that's horrible but that's what it feels like... Sat, 4 Oct 2014 00:24:14 EST Progress Report: 9/1/14 I was home over the past week on break. A while before, I'd decided to experiment with not tracking, to see if I could handle it. After 2 years of tracking (and feeling like a slave to it sometimes), I thought that I might have learned enough to take some time off of SP, maybe for just the week I was home, maybe longer if I found success with it. <BR> <BR> The first few days weren't bad. There were a few moments of anxiety here and there, but for the most part I was fine. I did a bit of ... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 23:04:17 EST Progress Report: 8/1/14 The quick(ish) and dirty: <BR> <BR> -I'm on neurology now and I like it a LOT more than I thought I would. <BR> -Still doing Blogilates, but I fluctuate between doing one short workout a day and doing multiple on Sundays. <BR> -Strongly considering going off the tracker for at least a week just to see what would happen. I'll probably wait until my next break at home so I can have support/someone to tell me when I should take my hand out of the cookie jar and back away from the kitchen. <BR>... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 21:07:51 EST Progress Report: 7/1/14 Hi friends, <BR> <BR> I am swamped with work, so I don't have much time for a formal update. Not much has changed. I finished pediatrics and am on psychiatry now (loved the former, loving the latter). Still doing one Blogilates workout a day, and I still don't eat clean--and I'm feeling less guilty about not doing more with either of those. Feeling like I'm consistently on the upper range of my calorie/macro limits--feeling a little guilty about that. Slowly getting back into mindfulnes... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 10:56:52 EST Progress Report: 6/1/14 Hey there, <BR> <BR> *sigh* I honestly don't feel like writing much today. Not much has changed in the past month. My schedule is less hectic now that I'm on a less stressful rotation, but I'm still struggling to find time for the things I need to do and the things I want to do outside of the hospital. <BR> <BR> I exercise when I can--I got through one workout per day of the Blogilates #ahMAYzing calendar, minus 2 days (going to finish that up in a little while); I also went ahead and b... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 18:34:17 EST Progress Report: 5/3/14 Hi friends! This post is a few days late because I was studying, but I am happy to say that I am DONE with my first rotation. Surgery was tough, but I learned quite a bit about the practice of medicine and how to adapt to overwhelming situations. <BR> <BR> This month on surgery was a lot harder than the last; I transitioned to a busier service, which meant longer hours spent at the hospital, late-night cases, no time to exercise (although I did manage to finish one workout per day of Blogi... Sat, 3 May 2014 16:53:18 EST Progress Report: 4/1/14 I've been on surgery rotation from mid-March until the beginning of May. Even though I knew this rotation is one of the hardest in med school (if not THE hardest), I still planned to work out as much as possible. The first 2 weeks, this was doable; I was on a subspecialty service that didn't require as much from me, so I was able to wake up a bit earlier to do the longest Blogilates video on the calendar each day. But once my first general surgery service started, I soon realized that waki... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 18:33:47 EST Progress Report: 3/1/14 February was a busy month. I took the USMLE Step 1 at the end of the month. Not sure if I passed/did well, but I got through it. AND I finished the Blogilates #FEBUREADY calendar! I did (read: survived) all the workouts, even if I had to modify every move and take several breaks during each video. It felt SO good to finish, like I had accomplished something really great--even if the last workouts did happen at 1 this morning. I feel like I'm equally as excited about finishing the calend... Sat, 1 Mar 2014 23:45:10 EST Progress Report: 2/1/14 Happy February! I'm happy to report that even in the midst of constant (and stressful) step 1 studying, I've still managed to exercise every day. I finished the Blogilates beginner calendar + the last few days in January, and I'm pumped for #FEBUREADY. <BR> <BR> More updates (sorry if this is the longest blog post ever): <BR> <BR> I'm still on the fence about the scale. I've been pretty consistent with weighing myself once a week since I joined SP, and it's hard to kick a habit, good or ... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 09:40:45 EST quick update not sure if anyone's following/doing my modification of the Blogilates beginner calendar that i posted 2 weeks ago, but i've tweaked it recently. since it's a PDF in a Google Doc, i've had to add the changes as comments on the side. <BR> <BR> the main one: i'm changing "Fat Burning Cardio" to "any cardio." doesn't matter what it is, as long as it makes ya sweat. i was looking in the mirror this morning and wondering if i'm REALLY getting enough cardio to start seeing results, and also try... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 12:59:53 EST the ultimate progress picture earlier in the week i was trying to figure out a business casual outfit to wear to a conference this past Saturday. so i pulled out the size 14 pants that i wore to most of my med school interviews 2 years ago (pre-SparkPeople) to see if they still fit. i'll let y'all be the judge. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> the picture's not great quality, so if you can't see what i'm getting at, i'll tell you: they're too big. so big, in fa... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 17:25:37 EST Progress Report: 1/1/14 (day 1!) as i'd promised myself months ago, i started on maintenance today. i was REALLY tempted to break that promise after i took my "before" pictures and measurements this morning, and especially after i weighed myself and found that i'd gained weight last week when i stayed with my grandparents for the holidays (i'm not surprised at this at all, but i'm disappointed just the same). but i stuck to it. <BR> <BR> the nutrition tracker said that i could eat between 1750 and 2100 calories per day. ... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 00:24:56 EST My Workout Plan for January starting this thing off right! i was planning to start with the Blogilates January calendar tomorrow, but the workout i did today has me feeling like i'm a little too out of shape to handle it. so i'm going to go back to the Blogilates beginner calendar. i'm going to add some videos and make some other modifications, as seen in the picture at the link below. just thought i'd share it with you all in case anyone's looking for something new to do in the new year--and in case someone wants t... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 12:15:48 EST looking ahead to 2014 hard to believe it's almost January again. i'm going to try to make some changes (not resolutions, but changes). here's what's on my mind: <BR> <BR> -on Wednesday, i'm transitioning to maintenance again. i went up a few pounds from my goal weight and haven't come back down quite yet, but i promised myself the last time i changed my goals that i would go on maintenance on 1/114, no matter what, to prove that it's not about the numbers. i'll weigh and measure myself Wednesday morning and t... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 16:01:34 EST i have a problem i feel like my eating has been out of whack for the past few weeks. i've been blaming this on not getting enough sleep and being overwhelmed with work, but i honestly don't know if i can use that excuse without exploring this further. i've tried to be mindful of my hunger levels and tell myself to only eat what i need, but i end up ignoring that better judgment, worrying about my calories and feeling bad about myself--and eating more. <BR> <BR> today, it started with an extra cookie at lun... Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:57:49 EST !!!! stepped on the scale this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see that i've reached my goal weight...almost 2 months early! i got back on track once i started doing my old weekly workout routine again, but i wasn't expecting to come down this far this soon. <BR> <BR> it may be because i've been on the low end of/below my nutrition ranges for the past week or so. some days it's artificial, because i went out to eat and didn't want to spend hours trying to find equivalent food. ain't no... Sun, 10 Nov 2013 08:39:54 EST learned something new today. user SIXFOOT1 (love the username, that's about how tall i am too) commented on my last post and suggested i focus more on my weekly calorie averages than on daily calories. kind of didn't know those existed. SP should make them more obvious, like put them on the homepage or something. anyway, i looked at mine just now, and i'm actually within range for just about everything (except i never seem to eat enough protein). much of the time when i eat out i don't track because i'd spend hours t... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 11:45:03 EST sigh...i need a hug. remember how i said i didn't chastise myself for the pastry earlier? <BR> <BR> i ended up doing just that. put my head down and cried for a little while. <BR> <BR> i've been struggling a lot lately with this idea that apparently i have to be neurotic to be healthy. it doesn't feel normal to do it this way. and every time i try to talk to someone about it, i get, "you should keep tracking because it's been working for you...i love my tracker...reporting every single morsel of food on spar... Mon, 28 Oct 2013 19:40:55 EST the calorie tracker and other people have such a hold on me...tryna break out. i ate a pastry after class, knowing that i'm getting dinner with my 1st year little sib at Panera later. a classmate just said, "have a pastry" and i ate it in under a minute, pretty much because she said so. not that it wasn't good, and not that i consider it a "bad" food or something i should regret, but i know i didn't need it. i've been noticing a tendency to eat things because someone tells me to eat them, as if this is an extension of my (unrealistic) desire to please as many people ... Mon, 28 Oct 2013 16:47:16 EST personal victory tonight, i made a baked chicken quesadilla and red beans & rice (the reduced sodium box kind). the serving size for the rice is about a cup. when i measured it out put it on my plate with the quesadilla, it looked like a lot. so i scooped half of it off of my plate into a little storage container. planning to use that bit for a burrito sometime next week. <BR> <BR> let's examine what this means. i sat down to eat, looked at my plate, and determined i probably would be full before finish... Sat, 26 Oct 2013 20:43:47 EST today... I did not eat to live or to honor my body today. I was not mindful of my state of fullness, and I let other people’s actions dictate my own. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is a fresh start. Tomorrow is always a fresh start. Tue, 15 Oct 2013 20:20:42 EST yay! just finished the "hot body cardio" workout on the 10 minute solutions boot camp DVD. as i relax with my knee on ice for the next 10 minutes--doctor's orders for chondromalacia--i'm reflecting on how i used to skip that segment because it would leave me horribly short of breath with a pain in my chest. i even went to the doctor to get an inhaler because i thought it was exercise induced asthma (it may have been; i had asthma as a child). i just did the whole workout without that gnawing pa... Mon, 14 Oct 2013 07:22:03 EST on weight gain, body image, and workout schedules I feel like I've been on a pretty steady gain since I started doing Blogilates exclusively. I finished up the beginner's calendar and started the October one (aka #abtoberfest), but I quickly realized that I wouldn't have time to do all 4 or 5 workouts for each day (comes to about an hour of working out, and I'm a morning exerciser who also happens to be a med student). I decided this past week that I'd pick the longest workout for each day and just do that one, since one is a lot better th... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 15:16:25 EST thanks for the advice! to those of you who gave me advice on my last post, thanks! i'm going to try to focus on time spent working out and not calories burned from now on. <BR> <BR> i see it this way: the average health-conscious person isn't furiously calculating hir (gender neutral pronouns ftw) calories consumed or burned. ze just gets out there and exercises or makes sensible food choices--or treats hirself to ice cream, then exercises a bit extra the next day; whatever works. although relying on common s... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 11:41:17 EST a question about exercise (because SP Messageboards aren't helping right now) part of me wants to stop tracking exercise. <BR> <BR> now, before you throw something at me and ask if i'm crazy, let me explain myself. <BR> <BR> i'm starting to realize that there is a lot more guesswork involved in fitness tracking than there is with nutrition tracking. lately, i've found exercises and videos that i like, but i don't know how to count them. i'm too broke for a good heart monitor or a Fitbit or whatever else. and i HATE estimating. i might think i'm burning 100 calori... Wed, 4 Sep 2013 07:55:22 EST oops... just ate 1500 calories worth of lunch. i'm like 20g over on fat and i only have 130 calories left for the day. darn you Panera and your really tasty sandwiches and cheese-laden breads... <BR> <BR> i'll get back on track tomorrow...well, tonight. i'm trying to learn how to pay more attention to my hunger levels than to the number of meals i've had or what time it is, etc. so i'll only eat tonight if i'm actually hungry. and if i do eat, it'll be the lowest fat thing i can find. <BR> <BR... Sun, 25 Aug 2013 16:10:17 EST things fell apart today... as you know, i use friday night to catch up on lecture slides i didn't look over during the week. it's now 11pm, and i have a ton to get to. i feel really tired; i wasn't able to get to bed like i wanted to all week; some of that was beyond my control, some of it wasn't. and for the first time in a long time, i just made the conscious decision to eat to stay awake...without tracking. <BR> <BR> i guess i'm kind of giving up on today. i've been justifying extra food since the 2 packets o... Sat, 10 Aug 2013 00:16:09 EST sleep log: 8/2-8/3 What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? <BR> 11p <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> watched Hulu on iPhone while getting ready for bed, after studying lecture notes on my computer <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> Lean Cuisine cannelloni, 1 svg + Kashi hummus chips, 2/3 svg, 7p <BR> <BR> Did you exercise today? (Include the type, dura... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 09:22:30 EST sleep log: 8/1-8/2 What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? <BR> 9:15p <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> Watched Netflix on iphone while putting on pajamas, brushing teeth <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> 2/3 strawberry fields salad w/ sesame dressing & piece of sourdough bread, 5p <BR> <BR> Did you exercise today? (Include the type, duration, and tim... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 07:19:42 EST sleep log: 7/31-8/1 doing this again for a couple of days to finish out the SP Sleep Challenge <BR> <BR> What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? <BR> 9:15p <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> Watched Netflix on iphone while putting on pajamas, brushing teeth <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> ABP veggie wrap, 6ish <BR> <BR> Did you exercise today? (Inclu... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 09:16:59 EST (don't) consume ALL the things i have had a ridiculous appetite lately. i haven't gone over my calorie amounts, and i've lost weight in the past couple of weeks (reached my lowest since joining SP on Sunday), but i've been munching a lot more than usual. here are my current theories. <BR> <BR> -i exercise pretty regularly these days (short but fairly intense DVD workouts 6x a week in the mornings), and i know that increased appetite can result. <BR> -i also just got off my period (tmi?). i want to blame that, but as fa... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 13:36:54 EST more sleep and energy reflections i'm realizing that while i thought i could be somewhat functional on 6 hours of sleep, getting more than that makes a huge difference. by the same token, getting less sleep than that for even one or two nights in a week really messes me up. i haven't slept that well all week, and the one time that i was able to get 7.5 hours this week (i.e. i went to bed on time), i woke up an hour or two before my alarm instead of sleeping straight through until 4:30 (yes, i wake up this early on weekdays.... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 01:34:08 EST Sleep and Energy Reflections -When I get enough sleep, I can tell a difference in my energy level in the morning. All last week, I was fairly alert--even jittery--during class, and I'd hardly had any caffeine all week. This week I haven't been getting to bed on time, and it shows. <BR> <BR> -When I don't get enough sleep, I tend to graze the next day. It's never an excessive amount (I don't think), just some chips or cashews here and there or half a cookie. Fri, 19 Jul 2013 07:06:49 EST sleep log: 7/11-7/12 What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? <BR> 9p <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> Watched Netflix on iphone while putting on pajamas, washing dishes, brushing teeth; read in bed for a little while <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> ABP chicken wrap & fruit smoothie, 5:45/6ish <BR> <BR> Did you exercise today? (Include the type, duratio... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 05:34:07 EST sleep log: 7/10-7/11 What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? 9pm <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> Watched Netflix on iphone while putting on pajamas, ironing, brushing teeth, reading in bed for a little while <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> nabeyaki udon (restaurant portion) & red bean ice cream (about 3/4 cup i think), 6:15ish <BR> <BR> Did you exerci... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 21:44:20 EST sleep log: 7/9-7/10 What time did you wake up today? <BR> 4:30a <BR> <BR> What time are you lying down to go to sleep? 8:55 <BR> <BR> What, if any, was your bedtime routine? <BR> Watched Netflix while putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, etc <BR> <BR> What were the last food(s) you consumed tonight? (Include type, amount, and time you ate.) <BR> Honey Nut Chex Mix, ~.5 cup, 8:15p <BR> <BR> Did you exercise today? (Include the type, duration, and time of day if you exercised.) <BR> 10 minutes, ab workout DVD,... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 21:39:16 EST quick updates since it's been awhile -i'm still fluxing up and down 2-4 pounds every time i weigh in (still once a week). just changed my calorie/fitness goals to see if i can normalize again, and i'm paying more attention to macros <BR> <BR> -got a physical last month, and the doctor told me i have high cholesterol. i was frustrated, because many of the "changes" i'm supposed to make are things i'm already doing. but i'm making the best of it. i decided to give up red meat to see if that would help, but seeing as high chol... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 21:31:59 EST yes, that's my final answer... I'm going on maintenance this Sunday or Monday, even though I'm still about 5 pounds away from the goal I set at the beginning of the month. I think I may start using the scale less, and I might invest in a tape measure too. <BR> <BR> As I told you all earlier this week, I was getting really frustrated with the scale. Later on in the week, I gave into temptation and weighed myself again. Same deal. <BR> <BR> But before I started kicking myself for not making any progress, I thought abo... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 12:14:21 EST frustrated... i'm easily discouraged by the scale these days. i've started exercising more, and my calorie limit has gone down by about 300 or so (thanks SP :P ), but my weight hasn't gone anywhere since before the new year. it went up after Christmas but is taking its sweet time coming back down now. <BR> <BR> i keep reading things about how it's normal for your weight to go up when you start a new exercise program. i'm trying to keep that in mind, but it's so hard to stay positive when you have a goa... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 09:27:15 EST 3 cheers for self control one of my goals for 2013 (i don't like to call them resolutions) was to practice better self control when it comes to food. today i did pretty well with that. <BR> <BR> i ended up going to the Chinese restaurant in the cafeteria for lunch today. y'all know how i am about Chinese food. my "usual" is orange chicken and fried rice, and they usually pile way too much food in the styrofoam container, which i'm then compelled to eat all of because it's in front of me and dang it i paid for it. ... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 16:27:21 EST