CALLIKIA's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=CALLIKIA CALLIKIA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Stalls for Days... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6339694 Ugh! I swear this stall can break ANY DAY NOW! Seriously! I saw 249 on the scale for like a day, then it does what it does and popped back up and is coming slowly back down again. Yesterday it was 252 again (it had gone all the way up to 258!). It's thanks to hormones and that TOM and stress and all that, I know that much. I also haven't been doing that well on my eating/drinking to help it out. When I'm stressed, I snack. When I'm cramping, I eat. <BR> <BR> This week... <BR> <BR> T... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 11:43:39 EST Life is What Happens... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6333898 ...when you're busy making other plans. <BR> <BR> I'm having a bit of a rough week. Teenagers, y'all! <BR> <BR> I'm supposed to get my butt to the gym tonight, and I'm doing my best to work through lunch today so I can skip out a little early and make everything happen today, but it's a busy list today! I'm stressed! <BR> <BR> Weight: I don't know. <BR> So I talked to the boyfriend last night and we talked about how I'm trying to let go of my scale dependence again, so I've agreed to wai... Thu, 16 Mar 2017 13:35:05 EST Day 1/7 - Week of March 13th http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6332445 Day One <BR> <BR> Weight this morning: 349.6 <BR> Up a little bit from last week (.4 pounds). Not exactly sure why but I am having a LOT of hip pain - so much so that it's causing me to lose sleep. I had to pull out the pain meds I never take in order to make it through the night last night and finally slept until 5am. Still woke up sore and tired, though. I'll try again tonight and see if I can make it through a night without the pain. <BR> <BR> Visited the doc today for an annual chec... Mon, 13 Mar 2017 15:38:43 EST Week of 3/13/17 to 3/19/17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6330926 Things to Manage: <BR> Water <BR> Fitness <BR> Food <BR> Vitamins <BR> Stress Management <BR> <BR> So here's what's I've learned... this is not one size fits all and it requires balance. If I don't drink enough water, I am not as successful. If I'm not managing my stress, I'm not as successful. If I don't eat the right foods or workout enough (or too much), I won't be as successful. So the key for me has been managing all of it at once and just doing the best I can with all of the areas ... Fri, 10 Mar 2017 14:55:02 EST 35 Days and Counting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6329340 I've been struggling a lot lately with goals and what I want to do from here on out. I have new people in my life who love me, but who have concerns about my life post-VSG that I have to talk through. Some of those concerns are very valid. <BR> <BR> When I was a kid, I didn't mind the dentist. I didn't have the kind of mother who reminded you to brush your teeth. She always just did, so I guess she didn't realize anyone wouldn't have that as a part of their day. On the day of my dentist... Tue, 7 Mar 2017 15:42:13 EST No More Weight Limits! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6323868 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/d9fdb8fa-53ed-46ba-93fd-098a6cff1423.jpg"> <BR> Meet Esther. <BR> Esther woke up this morning with a terrible sinus cough and congestion. <BR> Esther spent the past two days in bed, basically, fighting said sinus congestion. <BR> Esther spent the earlier part of the week arguing with her boyfriend because of her own insecurities and demons. (Said boyfriend, btw, held her and told her "I'm not leaving. We GOT this." He's perfect.) <BR> Esther ... Thu, 2 Mar 2017 10:05:17 EST Defining Success http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6320867 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/4cbe76db-6dec-4f73-8e68-279140891b27.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Day 11/28 of Erin Stern's Elitebody 4-Week Fitness Trainer. Last night boyfriend went to the gym with me. This makes him extremely nervous, but he does it anyhow whenever we can. I even asked him, "Why are you going to the gym with me?" His response? "Because we do everything together." He's really amazing, you guys! I had to bump up the Back workout because I have an event to run ton... Fri, 24 Feb 2017 12:31:40 EST Yea, That's a Bit Annoying... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6319743 I know it's to be expected. I just started a lifting routine which means I'm going to be building muscle. Which means I'm probably not going to see a lot of loss on the scale the first couple weeks of that program. I need to concentrate on what I'm seeing in the mirror and not what I'm seeing on the scale. But, dang! It's frustrating to see the same number three weeks in a row! (Actually, last week it went up a smidge.) I'm so ready to see the other side of 250 and, yet, here I sit in ... Wed, 22 Feb 2017 09:15:30 EST And Here's Where It Gets Hard http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6317357 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/37370d41-9cf8-4d6f-b7f5-c24bc493bb94.jpg"> <BR> Four words for you: <BR> Lemon Blueberry Quinoa Pancakes <BR> <BR> YUM! <BR> <BR> Good morning, everyone! Is this something like three days in one week?! WOW! Talk about accountability! I thought about not blogging this morning and then I thought about not going to the gym...and I realized that doing one might MAKE me do the other. So here I am! <BR> <BR> You see, this is where it gets har... Fri, 17 Feb 2017 09:12:59 EST Let's Talk Sleeve/Bypass http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6316915 So, I've allowed myself (finally) to step into the world of the WLS support groups. So far I'm doing it online. I didn't go to support groups after my surgery. First of all, because they were so darned inconvenient. I was sleeved in early November. The first meeting my local group had after my surgery was a Thanksgiving meeting at Bob Evans. The LAST thing I wanted to do just weeks out from surgery while I was on nothing but liquids was to sit around watching people eat who were already... Thu, 16 Feb 2017 09:37:44 EST It's Not Monday, But... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6316580 ...here I am! Checking in! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/984aa2e8-ec3f-456c-9b14-4f2c551707af.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I wasn't here on Monday because I was stuck in bed with a sinus headache so bad I couldn't be counted on to do ANYTHING. UGH! Still struggling with the congestion and such, but I'm dealing. <BR> <BR> I did finally discover a workout that I wanted to do. Lately it's been difficult to stay motivated in the gym. I want to run, but my knees and hips do... Wed, 15 Feb 2017 15:22:01 EST 200 Pounds GONE! And happier than ever! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6314021 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/fbad1cd8-0687-4e00-847b-156f2147aef4.jpg"> <BR> Well, here we are ladies and gents! I'm looking at you now from the other side of a 200 pound loss. It was touch and go there for a while, and then all of a sudden the weight of the world (stress of a bad marriage) lifted and I flew past that marker and on to the next and the next! <BR> <BR> Highest Weight: 466.6 <BR> Weight Pre-Pre-Surgery Diet: 437.8 <BR> Weight Day of Surgery: 419.8 <BR> Cur... Fri, 10 Feb 2017 15:08:34 EST Ch-Ch-Changes - 57 Weeks Post-VSG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6277113 Ooooh, girl! (or boy!) My life has been CRAZY lately. *sigh* Some good, some bad. All of it, I do believe, for the better. If I can just keep my head above water, that is... <BR> <BR> First, and most importantly, the stats: <BR> <BR> Highest Weight: 466.6 <BR> Weight Pre-Pre-Surgery Diet: 437.8 <BR> Weight Day of Surgery: 419.8 <BR> Current Weight: 273.0 <BR> Weight Lost Since Surgery: 146.8 <BR> Weight Lost Since Pre-Pre-Surgery Diet: 164.8 <BR> Total Weight Lost: 193.6 <BR> <BR> ON... Tue, 6 Dec 2016 10:53:00 EST One Year Post-VSG Update! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6260798 Here it is! The big one! The one year post-VSG blog that I've been looking forward to writing and, yet, haven't prepared any notes for... *lol* I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of blogger. So, my goal is to give you the stats and then tell you ten things...I'm not sure if that's ten things I've learned, ten things that have changed, ten things I miss,.... let's see what happens, shall we? <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/7b7b33ec-37d0-4b2e-8261-c260c45a6... Wed, 2 Nov 2016 09:15:45 EST Year Two Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6260223 Tomorrow is One Year. <BR> One Year Post-VSG. <BR> One Year of Life Changing. <BR> One Year of ups and downs and climbs and pitfalls. <BR> Tomorrow I will reflect, but today I am looking forward....because I'm not done yet! <BR> <BR> Here's the Me today... <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/36e60519-3fef-46c6-9316-e92aaaa4111c.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <em>192</em> <BR> So right now my goal is to lose another 80 pounds. I need to lose about 8-10 pounds a month to keep up the p... Tue, 1 Nov 2016 09:16:17 EST I DID IT!! - How I Reached My Biggest Goal Yet! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6223224 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/47791320-4a7a-4579-aabd-fca799815588.JPG"> <BR> What is that? That's the face of a girl who reached the goal that's been haunting her all of her adult life. <BR> <BR> I still remember the day I first saw 300 on a scale. I was finishing out my senior year of high school and in my second trimester with my first son. I went in for a regular check-up with my OBGYN and all I could think when I saw that big fat 3 was, "Well, here we are..." I ha... Tue, 23 Aug 2016 15:53:05 EST 8 Months Post-VSG: Next Steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6194897 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/0c96af16-f616-4dbc-9b08-3e1f6d754192.JPG"> <BR> Oh, what a summer it has been! Ups and downs but mostly smiles and sunshine...but then some rain and floods... This has been a difficult month...and a glorious one... <BR> <BR> Stats first. <BR> <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Weight Pre-Op: 437.8 (start of pre-op diet) <BR> Last Month: 317.2 <BR> This Week: 312 <BR> <BR> Weight Lost This Month: -5.2 pounds :/ <BR> Weight Lost Since Pre-Op: -125.8 <BR> To... Mon, 4 Jul 2016 23:04:12 EST 7 Months Post-VSG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6175147 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/ee63ff89-047d-409a-a853-7583dc907bb4.jpg"> <BR> Hey everyone! That's right - seven months in! Still seeing progress! Happier than ever! (And if you haven't tried Snapchat filters...you should! They are amazing! Add me @ehphotog) <BR> <BR> Okay, stats first! <BR> <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Weight Pre-Op: 437.8 (start of pre-op diet) <BR> Last Month: 330.2 <BR> This Week: 317.2 <BR> <BR> Weight Lost This Month: -13 pounds! <BR> Weight Lost Since ... Thu, 2 Jun 2016 12:49:04 EST I Wish I Had Time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6161601 I hear that saying all the time. I heard it just today at lunch. Gee, I wish I had time... <BR> <BR> ...to workout. <BR> ...to eat right. <BR> ...to take care of myself. <BR> <BR> I have something to tell you from all of us making time - SHUT IT. <BR> <BR> Seriously, STOP saying "I just wish I had time..." and using that as an excuse to not do what you want to do in life. First of all, it's an insult to each and every one of us that make time to do those things. When you look at me and... Thu, 12 May 2016 15:58:08 EST Week 25 Post VSG Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6150780 Howdy! I know it's been a little while. Please forgive me - life has been active and busy and crazy! They've got me traveling all over the state this month and I haven't had much time to do much of anything...but I'm still on track and doing well with my health and fitness, so that's good! In fact, I'm getting better every day and finally feel like I'm back in control of my life! <BR> <BR> Now, for the stats... <BR> <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Starting Weight: 460.6 (1/26/15) <BR> Weight Pr... Tue, 26 Apr 2016 13:29:20 EST Week 20 Post-VSG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6125836 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/7289fecd-e465-40c3-bc4c-6de03abf7058.jpg"> <BR> Good morning, ladies and gents! It's week 20 post-op from my vertical sleeve gastrectomy and there have been a ton of changes happening around here! <BR> <BR> First, let's get to the stats (which is why most people read these anyhow)! <BR> <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Starting Weight: 460.6 (1/26/15) <BR> Weight Pre-Op: 437.8 (start of pre-op diet) <BR> Last Week: 349.6 <BR> This Week: 345.2 <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 23 Mar 2016 10:55:40 EST Week 10 Post-Op VSG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6066552 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/8a7d5416-c7e0-49f1-806c-bdb0c12ed6e6.JPG"> Happy Birthday to me! Honestly, 35 was a BIG one for me. Feels a little weird. I'll get over it, I guess. <BR> <BR> So, here's the rundown of last week's madness: <BR> <BR> For my birthday, we went out for Mexican. This was my meal once I was basically done. <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/09b668c1-4de3-4117-97d7-792459e97418.JPG"> <BR> <BR> My Mom gave me $ for makeup, as ... Mon, 11 Jan 2016 09:33:27 EST Week 9 Post-Op VSG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6060097 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/fa12df85-90fa-4340-90af-851892891712.JPG"> <BR> Today I created a vision board. Something I've been meaning to do. Something that helped me more than you can imagine the last time I was in this place. Except...I've never been in this place before. Before I get to the inside goopy stuff I'm dealing with, here's your stat update. <BR> <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Starting Weight: 460.6 (1/26/15) <BR> Weight Pre-Op: 437.8 (start of pre-op diet) <BR... Mon, 4 Jan 2016 13:53:53 EST Week 8 - Nearly 2 Months Post-Op Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6053887 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/d54b66a4-d2c5-46c5-969b-07f3622556e2.jpg"> Okay, who survived the holidays? That's right...THIS GIRL! <BR> <BR> Phew! That was rough! (Not really...) To be completely honest, Christmas was SO much easier than Thanksgiving. I'm a bit further out from surgery and able to eat a little more. I can have a bite of this or that and be satisfied. Did I make some not so great decisions? Sure...but, again, within limits. <BR> <BR> So in the past... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 09:40:55 EST Week 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6045834 Okay, so at official weigh-in day on Monday, my weight had gone back down to what it was the week before. So, the week before last was a gain, but this week was a wash. No gain. No loss. <BR> <BR> Did I call my doctor? Nope. My doctor would tell me to stop worrying so much and just do what was right. I was also afraid, like every other doctor on the planet, he wouldn’t believe that I was sticking to his plan and still gaining weight. It’s stupid, but 30+ years of training… medical pro... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 09:27:39 EST Stalls and Gains http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6041715 Up about another pound. Hating myself. I have no words. Thu, 3 Dec 2015 10:53:36 EST Week Four Post-Op http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6039971 So, Mondays are my weigh-in days. Today marks officially 4 weeks post-op for me. It's been a rough 4 weeks, I can tell you that. <BR> <BR> Here are the stats: <BR> HW: 466.6 <BR> Weight Jan 2015: 460.6 <BR> Weight for Pre-Op Diet: 437.8 <BR> Weight on day of Surgery: 419.8 <BR> Weight Last Week: 391.8 <BR> Weight This Week: 393.2 <BR> <BR> Yeah. That sucks. That's a gain of 1.4 pounds for the week. And I haven't gotten off plan, so I can't tell you why that happened other than my body ... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 10:26:38 EST Three Weeks with Mixed Feelings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6037209 I am trying so very hard to be positive here. Let's get to the good part and then we'll go from there. <BR> <BR> Highest Weight: 466.6 <BR> Starting Weight: 460.6 <BR> Weight at Pre-Op Diet: 437.8 <BR> Surgery Day Weight: 419.8 <BR> Current Weight (Sunday's Weigh In): 391.8 <BR> <BR> So, how do I do my stats? What numbers do I count? This is how I've been handling it. <BR> <BR> Weight lost since pre-op diet: 46 pounds <BR> Weight lost in 2015: 68.8 pounds <BR> Total weight lost: 74.8 po... Tue, 24 Nov 2015 12:55:00 EST Well, That Didn't Work! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6034133 So, Monday I thought I was doing well. I toughed it out at work. Fell asleep at my desk a time or two, but woke my butt up and tried to occupy myself with things. It didn't help that I started off the day with bad news that money I've been trying to get for 2 years just ran out for this fiscal year. No word yet on when the next fiscal year begins but we're all afraid it's July 1. It's bad news for at least 3 clients that were counting on this help and the end to countless hours of work I... Wed, 18 Nov 2015 09:18:00 EST On the Other Side http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6032969 So, I know I've been gone for a while. No worries! Not dead yet! (...think I'll go for a walk <em>20</em> ) <BR> <BR> Things have been moving a little fast and furious, so let me see if I can give you all the rundown. <BR> <BR> January 26, 2015 - Weighed in at the doctor's at 460.6. Only 6 pounds off my heighest ever recorded weight - which was recorded back in 2004 when I was on my way to try to get gastric bypass surgery. This doctor's check-in was to start a insurance required pr... Mon, 16 Nov 2015 09:32:18 EST Finally! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5975173 Made it through this weekend! UGH! <BR> <BR> So, one thing my kids and husband will tell you is that I don't like to sit still. That's why I have a full-time job PLUS operate my own business. Half the time I feel like I'm just running in circles and not getting anything done. Even more frustrating when I'm battling these pains from my broken body. <BR> <BR> I had a full week of work last week. I have a booked week this week (except Friday). And this weekend...I had photography assignm... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 09:31:32 EST Another Week Gone http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5973736 I swear time is moving so slowly right now as I await some word from the surgeon's office...and I haven't even had my consultation yet! <BR> <BR> So, yes, we switched insurance carriers to hopefully speed things up. If I've done my homework right (pretty sure I have), I should be pushed on through with Aetna. I have a couple final little things to clean up to get my insurance dropped (had to have proof from Aetna that we had coverage before my work will drop mine - I got cards yesterday!)... Fri, 7 Aug 2015 14:02:22 EST Or...Not. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5968493 *sigh* Guys. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm being 100% honest here. I am not trying to overreact, but the level of my frustration can no longer be measured. <BR> <BR> My husband called the insurance company Monday to get our group and member ID number so I could give it to my chiropractor for insurance processing, only to be told that his request for coverage hadn't been "inputted" yet. His work has it on file. Coverage was backdated to 7/16/15, but someone in their office ... Wed, 29 Jul 2015 08:55:02 EST Anxiously Awaiting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5967385 Thursday. <BR> <BR> Thursday is a day that could alter everything. <BR> <BR> And I'm freaking the heck out over it! <BR> <BR> Once we switched our insurance, I called up the surgeon's office and asked if I could go ahead and get my consultation with the surgeon. That consultation is scheduled for 8am this Thursday. <BR> <BR> I have to say that I'm nervous. Not about the surgery, really. But a bunch of other things. <BR> <BR> * I'm nervous it won't work out again. What if I got all my... Mon, 27 Jul 2015 11:31:17 EST Hows About an Update? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5965364 Hey, everyone! *waves* <BR> <BR> Okay, so I've been a BAD girl and I haven't been logging into Spark and logging my calories here and blogging and all that. On the upside? I've been logging everything at My Fitness Pal and logging it all in my EC Life Planner. <BR> <BR> So, how are things going? Well, I hate to jinx it and say well, but...Well, actually. Here are the updates: <BR> <BR> Diet - Okay, so at my last monthly weigh in with my doctor my weight hadn't budged. What she didn't... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 09:28:47 EST NSV - Gym When You Don't Want To! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5953228 Yesterday was one of those overly tired sore days. One of those days when you think, "Why am I awake?" <BR> <BR> My plan and my planner said I was supposed to go to the gym and I told myself about 12 times, "I REALLY don't want to." I was hurting and sore and my body was telling me to rest. <BR> <BR> I didn't listen. <BR> <BR> I went to the gym. Thanks to Shane for pushing me to do that. (He just sent me a message halfway through the day saying, "I'm excited about the gym later!" so ... Tue, 30 Jun 2015 09:10:02 EST Gym - CHECK! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5952707 Hello lovelies! I know it's been a little while. I've been doing my best, working hard, and reevaluating every bit of my life in the past few months. It's exhausting! <BR> <BR> <em>216</em> <BR> I joined a gym! Shane and I went out to look at a few places in the city here where we work and see if there was anything we liked. Because he is starting a new job soon and his vow to work out with me will be impossible to fulfill most days, we settled on Planet Fitness. It's $20 a month f... Mon, 29 Jun 2015 10:54:35 EST Under the Weather http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5943399 Ugh! So sick of being sick! I've had the same sinus infection for 2 weeks now and I'm SO over it! The first week it made me lose 8 pounds, the second week I gained back 7 of those. *sigh* #annoyed <BR> <BR> Official weigh-in is next Monday and I'd like to lose 3 pounds by then, but with being sick and the stress, I may not make it. Still, I'm going to give myself the best chance I have. <BR> <BR> I've planned out most of my meals between now and Saturday. Still stuck on Saturday lunc... Thu, 11 Jun 2015 09:59:49 EST Ready for the Gym? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5941739 This weekend was a crazy mess. One more week and then things should calm down just a bit. Actually...a LOT. I'm looking forward to it and to getting super serious about my weight loss and my own journey of self-discovery. <BR> <BR> Update from last post. I did tell the ex that I would not file for divorce yet. I told him I am also not getting back together with him right now. I did tell him that I would try to spend some time with him now and again and give him the opportunity to liste... Mon, 8 Jun 2015 11:43:56 EST It's All a Hot Mess http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5940132 As my kids tell me...if you're going to be a mess...at least you're hot! *lol* <BR> <BR> All weekend I had a sore throat. I pushed through it and accomplished a LOT. Had a good walk into work on Monday. Noticed my legs are carrying me better again. Was feeling good. <BR> <BR> Slept pretty much ALL of Tuesday and Thursday thanks to a brilliantly timed sinus infection. *sigh* <BR> <BR> Tuesday I get some annoying texts from the ex...which I ignored and promptly fell back asleep...and t... Fri, 5 Jun 2015 09:29:11 EST A Good Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5937754 My legs and abs are sore...that's always a good thing after a productive weekend. <BR> <BR> This was the first weekend I've had off from my photography business in a long time. (And I have graduation and a family shoot this weekend so...) I decided to go ahead and do what I needed to do to get my bedroom in order. I have been wanting to paint and redecorate the room so that I have my own private little sanctuary that doesn't remind me of the ex and gives me a little bit of peace. I als... Mon, 1 Jun 2015 09:27:24 EST One Good Day Deserves Another http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5936182 Yesterday was alright. I did alright. I forced myself through. I'm getting better. <BR> <BR> I sat down and wrote out plans. Money is going to be even tighter this week and next, but I'm honestly trying to just give myself permission and forgiveness for not being able to do everything all at once. Going down to one income. Taking on most of the bills. And then most of my bills went up this month for some strange reason. $10-20 is not that much, but when it happens the same month on li... Fri, 29 May 2015 09:31:58 EST Time to Get Serious http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5935609 Yesterday was my very first counseling session I can remember since the split where I didn't bawl my eyes out. I nearly teared up twice, but not a single tear fell. I went in thinking I needed help in trying to figure out how to move on, but in talking it out with my therapist I realized I'm already doing that...and I'm pretty good at it. I recongize that I'm a resilient person. I've always had to be. My childhood was nothing I would wish on anyone and my entire life has been a series of... Thu, 28 May 2015 09:16:12 EST Month 5 Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5935048 Okay, so crazy things are still happening. I told my son the other day that if it weren't for my bad luck, I don't think I'd have any luck at all. He said, "Well, then wouldn't it be better to have no luck?!" *lol* <BR> <BR> Thursday was weigh in. I did not lose that extra 2 pounds, but I did keep off the 6 I had lost that month. Doctor was pleased. She did adjust some of my medications after I had a pretty serious breakdown last week. I'm still struggling. A lot. I don't know that ... Wed, 27 May 2015 09:19:00 EST Today... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5932480 ...I have decided to do what's best for me. <BR> ...I will let go of the things that have been holding me back. <BR> ...I will forgive myself. <BR> ...I will allow myself to be perfectly imperfect. <BR> ...I will recognize the things about myself that are amazing. <BR> ...I will understand that my flaws do not define me. <BR> ...I will step forward, courageously, as a strong, independent, single woman. <BR> ...I will make the healthiest choices I can. <BR> ...I will make note of the things I ... Fri, 22 May 2015 10:35:31 EST Work-Work-Work http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5930721 Lots of working going on right now in my life. I finished up my last Senior Session, but I have a family session and a senior mini coming up this weekend, plus my gallery viewing and sales session. I really hope they buy some products! Mostly because I want to see these pictures printed because I'm so proud of them...but also because we need the money right now. I need to get some advertising out there so that people know about my services and I can't do that if I don't have money to adve... Tue, 19 May 2015 10:17:50 EST A Difficult Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5930145 Well, at least I learned one lesson this week - I am not ready to come off my meds yet. I forgot to take my medicine on Saturday and by Sunday my body was threatening one of the worse panic attacks on record. Too much anxiety and stress right now. Still barely holding it together. I once heard that it takes half the life of the relationship to get over the relationship...if that's true I can just kiss my life goodbye! 10 years of this crap?! I don't think I can manage that. <BR> <BR> Y... Mon, 18 May 2015 11:47:03 EST Goals and Rewards http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5928700 Okay, I'm using this crazy momentum I have right now to set up some goals and rewards for myself. I vow to not count my blessings only as numbers on a scale. I vow to celebrate non-scale victories just as much or more than those I see at the doctor's office each month. I vow to live for myself and do things that better myself - and to give up things that aren't working just because someone I once knew thought they knew what was best for me. No one knows me better than myself. It's time I... Fri, 15 May 2015 14:31:14 EST Hurting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5928541 Yesterday was hell. Plain and simple. Big fight with the ex. He has since informed me that he is basically over me and that no one will ever love me. (He's a real gem, isn't he ladies?!) <BR> <BR> Thank goodness I had a counseling session and talk with my Mom to talk me out of believing him. Because, honestly, even if I am all alone for the rest of my life, that would be so much better than the torture of being with someone AGAIN who is incapable of loving me in the way I deserve. <BR> ... Fri, 15 May 2015 09:31:35 EST Another Off Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5927574 I will really be happy when I have less of these. I do notice they directly relate to interactions with the ex, so...I'm doing my best to limit those interactions right now. He's not making it easy. <BR> <BR> Tonight is my night without the kids...which sucks. Thankfully I have a lot of editing photos to finish up, so hopefully I'll finish the night with a super healthy dinner and lots of editing to finish up that work before my Senior Viewing Session on Saturday. <BR> <BR> ...and he jus... Wed, 13 May 2015 14:31:59 EST