CALLIEGS's SparkPeople Blog CALLIEGS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Eating as punishment OK so I have been having counselling and tonight I think I had an epiphany. I have a big bike ride at the weekend and for the past couple of weeks I have been eating good food and taking care of my body for the ride. Suddenly I feel worthy of my respect because I am eating well. Then suddenly it dawned on me that I have been eating junk as a way to beat myself up - for saying something silly or eating badly or whatever it is I feel I need to punish myself for before someone else does. It has ... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 14:15:03 EST CBT: Motivation What matters to me? <BR> I want to be a good mum to my daughter, to be a role model and to raise her well. I want to be a good, supportive wife for my husband and for us to grow old together. I want to be healthy and energetic and to be a strong, centred woman. <BR> I want to be judged by others based on my abilities and not by my size. I want to be slim and fit so I can ride all sorts of horses. <BR> I want to continue learning and become a technical expert. I want to do good for others and ... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 12:30:55 EST Improving Body Image Well, I caught a really nasty flu virus, which wiped me out physically for about a month so I have done hardly any exercise. I caught sight of my reflection yesterday and was pretty horrified. I tend to avoid looking in the mirror these days - just preferring to stay in denial I guess. My shoulder has been playing up again - I'm not sure why - it may be the excess weight I am carrying. <BR> <BR> I have yo-yo dieted for so long and I feel hopeless to break the cycle. I wish I could find a way... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 06:03:47 EST Turbo training reviews Did Rides South California tonight. I do like the Rides series - nice scenery, some interesting facts and quotes flashed up and some great technical advice. This one focuses on climbing intervals. It is a good 51 minute workout, but I ran out of gears at the top end - I may need to increase the turbo resistance. I could still up the cadence at the high end though so there is scope to ramp it up and those standing sections really penalize my weight so there is lots of room for improvement ther... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 16:03:47 EST Turbo training/spinning I have decided to blog my training for the 100 mile bike ride I have signed up for in August. I have to raise £550 for Sense - a charity for deafblindness, which has affected my family. <BR> <BR> I will use this space to record my progress but also to review the turbo training and spinning DVDs etc. BTW I am doing outdoor cycling too, but I am not keen on riding on the roads after dark and turbo training really helps to focus on specific skills and aspects of the training (and there are no ... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:41:10 EST Caffeine Update Well I have modified the diet. It was too harsh cutting out almost all sugar. I am back to recording what I eat and trying to do everything in moderation. The big result so far is that I have cut out all the caffeine now for over 2 weeks. I had occasional pangs for the pepsi, but once the withdrawal symptoms subsided, it has not been too bad. <BR> <BR> I reckon this is saving me about £13 to £30 a week in Pepsi alone and about a further £10 in red bull (so up to £90 so far taking off the spa... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:30:09 EST Cutting out caffeine and sugar Hello, my name is Clare and I am a caffeine and sugar addict. I have gone cold turkey with caffeine this week, having had up to 8 energy drinks a day and at least 2 litres of diet cola daily. These drinks are addictive. I have cavities in my teeth for the first time, since I have been drinking these. <BR> <BR> The caffeine withdrawal symptoms so far have been seriously unpleasant - headaches, extreme tiredness and constant aches in my leg muscles. I have been waking every night at about 3 o... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:59:35 EST FitBit Pie I don't know whether it does a graph of this so I will log my fitbit pie chart for the week: <BR> <BR> 59.1% sedentary <BR> 24.1% lightly active <BR> 12.1% fairly active <BR> 4.7% very active <BR> <BR> This has been quite an active week, but I will see if I can beat this next week Sun, 13 Jan 2013 14:10:45 EST 3 Simple steps this week My plans for the week are to eat mindfully. I am going to be setting up a nice table at home, which is inviting where I can eat all my meals. I am also going to try to plan my lunches at work so that I do not eat and use the computer. <BR> <BR> I am also going to gentle introduce water into my life in place of diet colas (definitely baby steps here, but all in the right direction). <BR> <BR> Finally I am going to make sure I do at least 10 minutes of scheduled exercise every day. Wed, 13 Jun 2012 07:23:58 EST Jubilee fun <img src=""> <BR> <BR> We had a street party for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The road was shut and neighbours each brought food, bbq, table and gazebo and games for the kids. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It rained really heavily, but that didn't stop us playing soccer with the kids. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <B... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 07:48:50 EST Learning to lead I thought I had spent so long trying to please everyone, that I had totally lost my identity. I have just been a chameleon, changing the way I speak, act and everything depending on who I am with. However, I realised that my own values and beliefs have been quite rigid all along, and I am fairly familiar with my character traits. <BR> <BR> One thing I have been learning from the horses is that I am uncomfortable as a leader. The horses look to me to lead and to be clear and concise in my mes... Fri, 8 Jun 2012 17:05:15 EST Helped by Horses I have been steadily getting back into horse riding and horsemanship over the past year or so. As part of this I have been studying at Monty Roberts' online university and also reading about horses used as therapy for people. I have just finished Wyatt Webb's book "It's not about the horse" and found it really uplifting. I find being around horses strangely spiritual - it kind of unleashes some really raw emotions in me - things I have buried away. I feel like I am finding myself. <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 6 Jun 2012 12:37:29 EST Is this the key to cracking binge eating? I have had a horrible week. For some reason I have been struggling with anxiety attacks and felt very wound up about work. I have been sticking to a diet plan that allows 1200 kcals per day and working out at least 6 days a week trying to burn at least 400 kcals a day. This week I have had a few occasions where I have felt the need to binge in the evening. How did it go? Well, first I recognised what was happening and gave myself some time to cool off. Then, if I still felt compelled, I allow... Thu, 5 Apr 2012 14:16:03 EST Losing weight can be fun I have been reading some books about overeating and weight loss and I started thinking about how much easier things are when you can have fun along the way. So, I started thinking about some of the fun I would not have had if I wasn't trying to shift the pounds. Firstly, I have made some wonderful friends - almost all online - who have made me smile, laugh and helped me along the way. Thank you so much fellow Spark Friends - you are amazing. Second, I have got out and enjoyed the sunshine and... Sun, 25 Mar 2012 12:41:50 EST Is it possible to make sustainable change and lose weight permanently? My DH has been really supportive while I have been trying to lose weight for the umpteenth time. This is particularly impressive since I discovered at the weekend that he thinks my diet and exercise plan is insane, obsessive and unsustainable in the long term. He also wishes I'd spend more time with him and not so much on losing weight. <BR> <BR> I am trying to burn 400 to 600 kcals a day (which can mean a lot of exercise time), I eat separately, calorie counted meals (my DH is a wonderful c... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:21:22 EST Exercise great; diet - not so much I have been doing tons of exercise since the new year - I did quite a lot last year anyway, but I have been more focused this year so far. It helps having the challenges to go for (Walk It Out on the Wii dude ranch challenge with the Walk It Out team here on SparkPeople). <BR> <BR> I have been having porridge in the morning, a box of salad for lunch with possibly some fruit, but I keep losing it in the afternoon and evenings and eating chocolate or seconds. Still, every day I get up and try ... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 08:48:19 EST How do I stop making the same mistakes over and over? Looking back over my weight since I first joined SP, I have yo-yo'd, deciding to get back on track when I reach a certain critical weight and losing loads then falling off the wagon for months. It's not SP - it's me - I have done this all my adult life. I have this all or nothing personality and commit completely to exercise and diet or to binge eating, depending on which part of the cycle I am in. I now joke about my latest fad rather than trying to convince friends and family that this is t... Tue, 3 Jan 2012 15:55:03 EST halloween stake through the heart I know I am being over sensitive and very selfish but I feel really kicked in the guts. My daughter has just told me she wants to spend the Christmas holidays at her dad's. I know it is important that she is happy and her dad is very special to her. I'm not just talking about xmas day either - she wants the whole of the holiday period. Oh well, I guess she is growing up and this is the start of when they get more independent. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:14:40 EST Back and tackling sugar addiction I am really struggling to get my eating under control. I have been reading Kathleen DesMaisons books (Potatoes not Prozac and Your Last Diet) but am still on the breakfast step at the moment. Needless to say, all this year's weight loss has gone back on plus a few pounds <em>39</em> <BR> I have managed to cut down the anti-depressants though which may help in the long run Fri, 28 Oct 2011 14:12:08 EST DVD and video games quick reviews Jogging is my main cardio activity, but I cross train with exercise videos and games. I like to get a good cardio workout and have some strength resources to turn to as well. I am fairly fit and don't have any major joint problems, so I can generally cope with high impact work. I thought I would share what works for me. <BR> Davina Super Body Workout - has high and low impact options and is split into different routines. I love this because it is quite hard and makes me laugh. <BR> Davina Bod... Mon, 25 Apr 2011 08:10:41 EST Clinging to the back of the wagon for dear life After 8 full weeks of upwards spiral I had a wobble last night and it threatened to continue today. I ate chocolate and cheese and crisps. However, I did record in my food diary what I ate and it worked out at about 500 kcals over my daily target. I always seem to overeat after seeing my mum. I am not sure what the connection is. Maybe I just use her as an excuse. I am always apprehensive about staying on the wagon when I see her. <BR> <BR> So how did I nip this blip in the bud? I intervened... Mon, 18 Apr 2011 14:37:50 EST Walking adventures Sunday we walked the dog then visited the set of the Jack and the Beanstalk film <img src=""> It is only part-finished. I love having something cool to pass on my exercise routes. <BR> <BR> I have started my new walking challenge. So far I am in a team of one! I feel really good about my goals though. I am trying to increase my daily exercise calories. I ran and did some circuit training. <img src=" Tue, 5 Apr 2011 14:38:05 EST 5K race The support crew: <img src=""> <BR> This was the first race I have ever done as an adult where I have had people I know come and support me. It certainly helped towards the end. <BR> I started the race too fast. My Garmin battery went flat in the first 5 minutes so I had to guess my speed. I have been training on track and road and a lot of this was on grass, so was a little tougher. However, I managed to average 11 min 7 seconds per mile,... Sat, 2 Apr 2011 14:15:26 EST Finishing week 6 a little stressed Suddenly my workload has dramatically increased at work, my daughter is having some emotional issues associated with my divorce, my partner is cross because I am being a doormat and letting my ex have me running around. I am sticking to my goals though. As week 6 comes to a close, I am finding it a little hard to be patient with my progress, but I have come such a long way in this time. I have a race tomorrow and I have been running faster than I have ever run before by about 2 minutes per mi... Fri, 1 Apr 2011 15:33:07 EST Consistency I have just worked out that out of 12 weeks this year, I have done 9 complete weeks of sticking to healthy eating and exercise. That is a 75% success rate. I decided that rather than rewarding outcomes so much, I would reward streaks of good behaviour. I love doing my weekly scrapbook pages and keeping a record of my journey. It is terrific filling my week with fun adventures (and photos of them, of course) that can go on my page. It is kind of a goal to get out and live life to the full. As ... Fri, 25 Mar 2011 08:38:29 EST Scrapbooking posters for motivation One of the things I find really works for me is to make scrapbook pages to put around where I can see them all the time. I have some basic ones started where I chart how many miles I have run and how many days I have stayed under my calorie limit and how many days I have exercised. I want to make them a bit more special eventually, but for now I add a sticker for each day. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I also journal each week - I keep a record... Mon, 21 Mar 2011 16:06:02 EST Spring cycling Glorious sunshine and the scent of blossom punctuated yesterday's riverside ride to Windsor. We covered 25 miles and averaged about 10 mph. I certainly felt it in my legs, but today they seem fine. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Windsor castle in the spring <BR> <img src=""> <BR> This month I don't seem to have had the awful PMT of previous months. I am wondering if it is stopping the medica... Sun, 20 Mar 2011 05:10:29 EST Niggly knee :-( <BR> Got tackled hard in soccer yesterday and I think I have overtrained this week - two 32 minute runs and a soccer match in 3 days. Today I walked and took it easier. My knee is niggling. I must do some strength exercises to injury-proof myself. I found a really great event to enter with kayaking and everything but it is fully booked - boo-hoo! Never mind - will look out for the next one. <BR> <BR> 2011 start - 201.25 <BR> 5 % 191 - Feb 2011 <BR> 10 % 181 - Mar 2011 <BR> 15 % 171 <BR> 20%... Thu, 17 Mar 2011 14:36:56 EST Beautiful Spring This time of year always reinvigorates my determination. I have been trying to do 10,000 steps a day. Some of today's steps were clocked up in the Hampton Court maze and a few more enjoying the spring bulbs and blossom. It never lasts very long (unlike my resolve, I hope) but I hope to get out a few more times before spring blooms make way for the summer glory. <img src=""> <BR> The family are noticing my weight loss now, and I have had to... Sat, 12 Mar 2011 13:57:18 EST 2011 progress so far The very low calorie approach bumped quite a lot of weight off, but I was being sick when I did intensive exercise and was concerned that I was putting myself at risk. Needless to say, as soon as I started eating "normal" food, I fell totally off the wagon. I am now doing Biggest Loser/Weight Watchers, eating real food and exercising. So far this year I have lost over 5% of my 2011 start weight. I should get to the 10% goal in the next couple of weeks. <BR> <BR> 2011 start - 201.25 <BR> 5 % ... Sat, 5 Mar 2011 05:58:56 EST 2011 targets I am doing a 12 week reboot to try to get my relationship with food back on track. This involves low calorie meal replacements, which I have always been opposed to but the science suggests that it may help to tackle comfort/binge eating and I am desperate to find something that works for me. <BR> My targets are: <BR> <BR> 2011 start - 201.25 <BR> 5 % 191 <BR> 10 % 181 <BR> 15 % 171 <BR> 20% 161 <BR> 25 % 151 <BR> 30 % 141 <BR> 35 % 131 <BR> 40 % 121 <BR> <BR> So far I am on day 3 and I hav... Mon, 3 Jan 2011 07:10:18 EST Ditching the snooze button I finally realised today that I have been hitting the snooze button every time my conscience kicks in. I have just learned to tune out the voice that tries to remind me that I will feel lousy if I break my streak. So I am going to eat mindfully from now on and tune back into my hunger and my conscience. <BR> <BR> Tue, 9 Nov 2010 15:13:43 EST Can people who feel good about themselves be nice people? Probably the biggest barrier for me in developing my self-esteem is this fear that, if I feel good about myself, I won't be a very nice person. Years of conditioning have said that nice people are humble, self-deprecating, not boastful, selfless, etc etc. Now maybe the issue is that I don't feel that I can be those things and like myself at the same time. I need to reevaluate what feeling good about myself actually means. Maybe I could start by liking the fact that I am humble and self-deprec... Sun, 7 Nov 2010 11:53:31 EST Working out by the ocean rocks Did hill runs and sit-ups and plank and bicycles with the sound and smell and sights of the ocean as my backdrop. Totally amazing. Then we walked a really steep coastal path to this incredible arch in the rocks. It was such a life-affirming experience. I want to draw on memories of today for a long time to come. Hope to find the next incredible place for a workout soon. <img src=""> <img src=" Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:44:11 EST Holiday going well So far so good... Have discovered my daughter is an excellent coach. She kept me going while I ran. We have played follow the leader doing sprint drills and tag. Eating is going well too Tue, 26 Oct 2010 15:31:29 EST Getting it together I have felt really undermotivated today. I think it might be partly anaemia and tiredness. I still have to pack for tomorrow morning and I need to organise myself for the exercise I am going to do and how to manage my healthy eating. Fri, 22 Oct 2010 15:51:43 EST Counsellors really get you processing stuff I have been talking to counsellors on behalf of other people and have ended up stoking up my own feelings. I had a couple of nightmares last night. It feels good to have offloaded though. <BR> <BR> Have done exercise for today - wii walk it out. I still need to do my strength training. I will do that later. I am taking stock of this week. It has been pretty draining but I have so far met my lifestyle goals. Holiday next week so I need to plan how I am going to adapt my goals to fit with bein... Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:37:07 EST Vision Statement 1. What do I want my life to look like in 1, 5 and 10 years? <BR> I want to be an active person, riding and possibly owning a horse. I want to be someone who enjoys food, but where it doesn't rule my life. I want to have the habits of a healthy person. I want to like myself. I want to have written a book. I want to be have had several cited papers published. I want to do scientific work that has an positive impact beyond my company. I want to have helped my daughter to achieve her goals and t... Wed, 20 Oct 2010 10:43:24 EST Destructive guilt I think guilt is the most destructive emotion I have and boy do I have a lot of it. I feel guilty for overeating so I eat to make myself feel better, but I hide the fact that I am eating so I feel even more guilty. Luckily today has not been one of those days. I have been facing my emotions and dealing with them. I have been working out whether my guilts are something I need to do something about or whether I need to change my perspective, but in any case I need to stop fixing it with food Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:15:50 EST Appointments galore! This week is just mad - I have so far had a blood test appointment (2 hours of waiting for 30 seconds with the nurse!), an audiology appointment with my daughter and parent's evening tonight. Wednesday is another appointment about my daughter, Thursday the educational psychologist and dentist. I have a headache but I am trying to focus on reaching my goals and getting back on track. <BR> <BR> I need to get our shopping fixed. I am so lucky because my partner does the cooking and shopping, bu... Mon, 18 Oct 2010 11:19:34 EST Riding high Rode Patchwork today. It's been years and years since I have trotted without stirrups and cantered but it awoke a muscle memory and suddenly my riding seat started to come back. It was so productive. I am going to set myself the goal to clock up saddle hours to get back into the swing of things. I do need to get fitter though. <BR> <BR> I have been doing exercises from a rider's fitness book. I am focussing on core strength (planks and v sit-ups) and aerobic fitness. Squats are good too and ... Fri, 24 Sep 2010 12:36:08 EST up early to fit in exercise It's Saturday - no work, but I am up at 0640 to fit in my exercise before introducing dd to new boyfriend. I have started the Rosemary Conley Amazing Inch Loss plan. I did 5 mins walk then 3 mins run 3 times the past two days and stuck to my calories plus I followed a meal plan from the book. I have been a bit hungry at times. Today I did the Rosemary Conley fat burner workout 1 20 mins + warm up and then 15 mins of the Cher New Attitude step video. I have also done the aerobic challenges fro... Sat, 13 Mar 2010 03:24:15 EST Recent Achievements I have cut out drinking Red Bull for nearly 2 weeks (and I had cut down before that) <BR> I have eaten heathily 16 days in February so far (hopefully today will be 17) <BR> I have exercised consistently since the beginning of the year, building on the fitness I built up over the past couple of years. <BR> I am starting to feel my emotions instead of eating to suppress them Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:24:20 EST Eating mindfully may just be my biggest challenge and possibly a large part of the reason why I am here trying to lose so much weight. It is actually something that reminds me a bit of quitting smoking. I can hear that voice in my head trying to make excuses for why I should watch the TV or read while I eat (mostly saying my life is too busy). It is a habit I have formed since I was a little girl and I am aware that I associate watching movies with eating. I generally have been eating breakfast at my desk at work (doing work at the same time... Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:26:14 EST I just sparked! Colleagues at work noticed my healthy salad for lunch. I cycled to the supermarket before work (I did a workout first thing on the Wii) and picked up a bag of mild salad leaves and brought in some kidney beans and sweetcorn and a low calorie dressing. <BR> <BR> I have been cycling to work for the past three days while my daughter doesn't have to be taken to school. I will have to use the car next week as she is back but I may have the bike at work to go out during lunch. <BR> <BR> I have be... Fri, 19 Feb 2010 07:23:26 EST The 44 I set myself a mid-term goal to lose 44 lbs before I do the 5K Race for Life in July. So far I have 37 lbs to go. <BR> We lost 4 of the 5 games of badminton but I got a good workout, had fun, socialised and we had some respectable scores against people who play regularly (I haven't played since I was a teenager!). The fact that I turned up even though I had a cold meant that my badminton partner got to play so I was really pleased with the evening and hope to play more often from now on. I ha... Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:14:54 EST I am blessed I am so lucky to have found such great people on SP. I am so grateful for all the support and encouragement I have had from everyone. I have in the past not logged in when I have had a rough patch but these are actually the times when I need to log in the most. I have decided to set myself the goal that whenever I feel like turning to food for comfort, I will come on here first. <BR> Thank you all :-) Wed, 17 Feb 2010 07:54:55 EST getting blown off course I keep slipping up. A lot of the time it seems to be when I have allowed myself to get too hungry during the day or when family encourage me to eat things that are not in my plan. I think I need to be better prepared. I need to make sure that I have breakfast and lunch at a reasonable time and have healthy snacks to hand. <BR> <BR> I feel in a rush to do it all instead of sitting down and setting a steady foundation. <BR> <BR> It's my birthday today. My ex-mother in law sent me a daughter b... Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:17:14 EST completed 6 weeks EA challenge So pleased. I pushed myself and completed the 6 week workout challenge. I have new muscle tone and am more in tune with my body. I am really liking the changes and am hoping to draw from this to push myself to a new challenge. Fri, 5 Feb 2010 15:32:02 EST Feeling like a binge Not sure why but I feel like having a binge tonight. I did leave it quite late before I had lunch. I feel a bit restless. Thought I would write a blog instead of bingeing. I need to think of my reasons not to lapse. I have worked hard all day today and yesterday and I am building a history of doing the right thing. I am learning how to deal with things without eating my way through them. I think I will straighten my hair and apply some make-up to make me feel good and worth treating myself we... Sun, 24 Jan 2010 15:33:50 EST