CALENSARIEL's SparkPeople Blog CALENSARIEL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Things that bring you fulfillment and joy... We're supposed to take an example of such a thing in our life to church tomorrow. No clue what the pastor is going to do with this stuff. But for me, I chose a journal I did when I was working through Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way." I started it on 8/12/06 and finished it up on 11/16/06. <BR> <BR> It's FULL of all kinds of creative insights into my head and heart. It's the best journal I've ever done. And anyone who even just LOOKS through it would put it down with a clear understa... Sat, 12 Jul 2014 16:07:35 EST It was a hard day's night... And the floor was even harder! So! Went to Salt Lake for an over-nighter Friday night with four of my homies. Got down there late and I was really pooped out. (I get very uncoordinated when I'm tired.) Didn't get to dinner (at the Spaghetti Factory) till about 8:00. I was so wiped out. Was sitting on the end of a bench at the table and got up to go to the toity and slid right off that sucker slicker than snot on a door knob! Hit the concrete floor hard on both cheeks! That was a lot of weight for such a sudden stop! Hit m... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 01:37:08 EST No one’s coming! I owe Walt Disney an apology — apparently… Though I haven’t been posting on my WS&DW blog much about Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book “Peace & Plenty”, I’m still working through it in my hand-written journal. I’m a bit disappointed. There’s not nearly so many ideas and inspirations as there were in her other books. But now and then I hit an essay that really resonates with me. Today’s was one of them. <BR> <BR> It was a strange one for a book about recovering from money woes. It was about divination, consulting fortune tellers, even using... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 14:22:50 EST Wanted: Heroes On Pinterest this morning, someone posted a quote about heroes by author Jodi Picoult. I thought it was pertinent given that yesterday was the 70th anniversary of the WWII landing at Normandy, the battle that turned the tide of the war. Had that allied maneuver been a failure, our world might be a very different place today. And the men who fought in that action — all of them from America, Britain, Canada, France — they were true heroes because they knew going in the odds of survival were sta... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 18:03:08 EST Too much muchness? Posting the piece I did yesterday turned out to be kind of interesting. I’ve had feedback from several folks about it, some whom I don’t know, and I’ve come to a few conclusions about why writing — though I come back to it again and again — doesn’t seem to be the “IT” for me that I’m looking for. <BR> <BR> It was suggested that I need to just relax (thanks Kim and _A_Rare_Bean) and enjoy the process of writing itself. I know I haven’t been able to do that. I guess I’ve always felt that there... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 16:19:41 EST Soul Searching... Last night on TV I watched a young woman auditioning for the new season of So You Think You Can Dance. While her real-life backstory was all too familiar to our culture, it was still unique enough – no, important enough – for the producers to devote a few minutes of the episode to her struggle with an eating disorder. She’d been dancing since she was 3-years-old. But at 16, she was caught in the trap so many girls/young women stumble into in our media-driven world. She became so self-critical... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 14:00:50 EST The Annual Memorial Day Graveyard Tour (during which we find the TRUE answer to the question, “Why did the chicken cross the road…”) <BR> <BR> Every year on Memorial Day my husband and I make the familiar trip to our families’ respective resting places to deliver a new pot of mums who have given their all for this noble calling. A three-hour trip, I load up the flowers, a good assortment of cds, and a couple bottles of water in case we get stranded by the side of the road and are in danger of dying from thirst. (Or in case the ra... Mon, 26 May 2014 20:24:45 EST Been an odd sort of day... At the end of a really bizarre eating week. Get a load of this! <BR> <BR> Saturday night - Village Inn for dinner <BR> Sunday noon - Village Inn for lunch while shopping for birthday presents <BR> Monday night - Linda bought me pie for my birthday after the book club (which is finally over, thank God!) <BR> Tuesday night - Amy bought me dinner for my birthday <BR> Wednesday night - birthday dinner at El Burrito, cake & ice cream <BR> Thursday lunch - Cindy bought me Del Taco <BR> Friday nigh... Sun, 25 May 2014 00:46:59 EST "Still Life" The other day I ran across a half-completed something that I’d started on June 14, 2008. The day I found it, I also found a beautiful picture with the heading “Still Life” in Southern Lady magazine. Since I don’t believe in coincidences, I decided it was time to finish the writing, pausing long enough to peruse a few “still life masterpieces” on Google. Found one in particular by Van Gogh that I fell in love with. Couldn’t find a title, but am including it here just because it feels so full o... Sat, 17 May 2014 13:34:29 EST Just a fun day today...although... I did restart my eating plan SERIOUSLY this week. Dropped from 211 to 207.6. Pretty sure most of that was water from eating out ALL DAY Mother's Day. <BR> <BR> Other than that, I am finishing up the one scene in my story that I didn't get done by the end of November. It's an early scene where an old gypsy woman reads tarot cards for the main character. I have a friend who actually READS tarot cards for a living who has been helping me sort out which cards to have Claire draw. It's a challeng... Fri, 16 May 2014 13:32:09 EST Finding my way through the fog of a financial family myth… This blog post seems kind of lame to me. I’ve tried to sort through two comments I wrote in my journal at the end of the essay in SBB’s book about financial family myths. I simply can’t do that without a lot of feelings from my childhood spilling over into the mix, into the money/food issues. It’s kind of intriguing how it all gets tangled up together. <BR> <BR> They were: I have to buy the cheapest of whatever the thing is I’m getting; and, I should never spend all my birthday money or gift... Thu, 15 May 2014 16:12:40 EST Are we just guests inside our own skins? I just finished listening to Toonacat's (#43) podcast and was particularly struck by her comments at the end about how she and her hubby are learning to be more honest with each other; how that, in turn, derails those feelings of defeat and surrender (my word, that’s what I feel like when the same thing happens to me); and how they can then move forward and enjoy life instead of taking two steps back again and falling into the fridge. <BR> <BR> As the podcast was closing out I was struck, al... Wed, 14 May 2014 18:19:08 EST Paste up a better life? This is a blog post I did this morning for *Wellsprings & Dragonfly Wings. Although it's talking about financial struggles, I really feel like there is a way Sarah Ban Breathnach's journal therapy could work really well for weight loss. I'm thinking of trying to sort it out and see what would work for me. So I thought I'd paste it here in case anyone might be interested. <BR> <BR> <BR> Paste up a better life? <BR> <BR> “It’s been a rare year, O paper soul… Maybe I should fold you away to p... Fri, 9 May 2014 13:31:02 EST Wild Ponies Listening to Toonacat's podcasts this week have really left me feeling emotionally vulnerable and off balance. Tried to write a blog yesterday about owning my own truth and couldn't articulate what it was I really wanted to say. But it reminded me of something I wrote in September 2011. It's a big truth for me. And how do I handle it? I FEED those critters. <BR> <BR> This morning I feel like I'm just standing still in the middle of the room wondering what's going to happen next... <BR> <BR... Thu, 1 May 2014 13:26:24 EST A dragon named Chaos... I’ve been struggling with what I’m supposed to get out of Sarah B.’s book “Peace and Plenty.” I thought I was going to be dealing with my “attitude of gratitude” which can be very sucky sometimes. But this morning — now that I’ve finally got my Morning Room sorted out from three months of neglect while I was working — while immersed in that familiar setting working in my journal, I realized that is NOT the reason I was meant to read this book. It was really a much more personal issue of loss ... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:15:50 EST Can I CHOOSE to say NO? Listening to Toona’s podcast ( <link><BR>y37/#comment-305 </link> ) today really shook something lose for me. As I’ve listened to people talk about and I’ve read about CONTROL ISSUES and OVEREATING, I wasn’t relating. I didn’t feel like I was in the place where FOOD had control of me. I know if I’m bored I’m likely to want to stick something in my mouth, but that doesn’t seem like the same trigger to me. But then something Laurie said in the podcast smacke... Fri, 25 Apr 2014 16:54:21 EST Living in the state of Perpetual Hunger... I've been trying to focus on what is the "background noise" for my life, if you will. What are things that are always there that tend to make me feel like I'm on the verge of being upset and need something in my mouth to calm me down. I realized about 4:30 this morning what the biggest culprit is. <BR> <BR> His lordship has sleep apnea, and like a lot of other people who struggle with the confines of wearing that head gear, he won't. He usually sleeps pretty well on his right side. His sinu... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 10:31:43 EST Short hooray for today... Been done with work for two days and already I've dropped 5.4 lbs. Toona said it was the salt from eating out. Appears she was right. Very soon now I should be back under 200. Thank God. <BR> <BR> Of course it's Good Friday tonight and a bunch of us are going out to eat after the service. I just have to tell myself to be patient with me! It's ok... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 16:12:10 EST Finally done working... And at this point I serious doubt I'll go back there next year though they're already asking for a commitment. I'm going to post my entry from Wellsprings & Dragonfly Wings here instead of typing it all out again... <BR> <BR> I am DONE!!! There were times when I thought of telling Jane I was quitting. I would have been 12 lbs. lighter had I done that the first month. I find it so interesting that such a piece-of-cake job could put me under the table (also AT the table) so fast. The job part ... Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:50:12 EST Three more work days to go... And I have totally blown the h*ll out of any control I had over my eating. Have been stress/comfort eating, and as I've mentioned elsewhere on here, I really don't think I would have survived the last three months if I hadn't. <BR> <BR> That sounds kind of drama-queenish when I say it, but it's the honest truth. I've never been a good multi-tasker, and I found out very quickly I can no longer work and do ten, five, okay, two things at once. And I panicked because I couldn't tend to the house... Sat, 12 Apr 2014 00:58:10 EST Almost there! Ten more days on this cotton pickin' job and I'm DONE! Then I will be back! Tue, 1 Apr 2014 18:55:42 EST Saturday Morning Kitchen Khronicle entry 2-8-14 Just to give you a peek at my week (even though you don't know ANY of these people I mention), this is what my entry for this morning said: <BR> <BR> <BR> Saturday, February 8, 2014, 9:46 a.m. <BR> <BR> I was wrong last week. THIS is going to be the shortest SMKK ever! I have less than a handful of topics... <BR> <BR> Mostly work... It is just wearing myself out being "on point" or "at attention" all the time. It's not a normal kind of job that way. When I get home at night I am just plai... Sat, 8 Feb 2014 12:47:01 EST Shout out to Toonacat! Had the great pleasure of skyping with Toonacat last night. What an amazingly talented and motivated gal she is. She is well underway with her Daily Adventures Tales podcasts, but now she has begun a second podcast on compulsive overeating. <BR> <BR> Here's a link if anyone would like to listen. I haven't yet, but am off to do so. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Tired this afternoon. Spent hours on the phone calling clients to thank them for coming into ... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 18:01:25 EST I keep thinking I'll get used to this job... ...and won't be so tired when I get home. But I got off at 3:00 today and laid down for a nap when I got home. Couldn't even hold my eyes open. Didn't even hear his lordship come in. Woke up at 6:17. How I wish I could teach that man to put dinner on if I'm out like a light! <BR> <BR> It's just that the job is stressful because you have to be totally on point all the time. I'm always on the phone with one or two people, setting appointments, dealing with walk-ins and people who just come in ... Wed, 5 Feb 2014 00:50:59 EST Getting caught up at home, finally... Got right up and got busy today. I'm fine as long as I don't just sit down first. So I've got the laundry done, the linens and towels are nearly done, changed the tablecloth, etc., out in the kitchen. (It's no longer Christmas in here, thank God), sorted out the catalog/magazine basket, filed all the bills in the binder, printed off my last two Saturday Morning Kitchen Khronicle entries, and also a template for a daily planner that looked like it might work for me without making me feel guilt... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 19:15:33 EST Just plum pooped out... Last week I found out I "ain't as young as I used to be!" It has been such a big adjustment going back to work nearly full time after ten years of hanging around the house (if you don't count tutoring at an elementary school). It's not been just a big adjustment for me, but for my family and friends as well. All of a sudden his lordship needs a root canal and he has no one to get him to the dental office and home. It was almost comical when it dawned on him I wasn't at his disposal any more. ... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 00:32:30 EST Have nearly survived... first week at the new job. Lordy! I am so challenged when it comes to computers. But even worse has been the wear and tear on my body! Started the week having major muscles spasms in the night from sitting on a bar-stood type desk chairs and being on my feet in heels so much. I finally just told them I had to be able to wear an athletic type shoe with support in it or I wasn't going to be able to do the job. They finally said ok. <BR> <BR> It isn't the busy season yet at the H&R Bloc... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 19:43:32 EST Start job training today... ...for the seasonal job at H&R Block in the office my friend manages. I started out to be part-time which I was fine with, but it has somehow morphed into full-time. And she wasn't upfront with me about certain things related to the job (pay for one). I've worked for a friend before and had a few bad experiences with it. You'd think I'd know better. But when I think of what we can do with $3000 and that I might be viewed as less than a team player if I'd said no, I feel cornered. All I can sa... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 12:20:10 EST Christmas Letter Darn it! You can't read this as well as I'd hoped... <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sat, 28 Dec 2013 22:56:02 EST We're back -- five lbs. later... And I'm not happy about that. <BR> <BR> Came home emotionally and physically exhausted with a sore throat, ear ache, and a horribly snotty nose. All three boys were sick, and the little one, Caleb (a month old) is quite congested. She took him in to the doctor on Friday but they said it was just a virus and there was nothing they could do. When the kids were sick I usually put a humidifier on them or something. Stef is not open to doing anything like that. And they keep that old drafty hou... Wed, 11 Dec 2013 13:47:10 EST In Maryland... Just a quick update... <BR> <BR> I did it! I finished the writing project and now have written an entire book! Not saying it's a GREAT book, but has wonderful potential. Every author I've read about the last few months has said your first draft is always crap. So I'm not sweating it. I ended up with 68,959 words (the goal was 50,000). That's a 197-page novel! Can't even begin to get my mind around it. And I spent a little over 60 hours at it. That doesn't include all the editing I went back ... Sun, 8 Dec 2013 10:30:30 EST Lots of salt... Lordy there's a lot of salt in my tortilla soup recipe! Even with the reduced salt broth and tomatoes! <BR> <BR> Forgot to mention that I spent a couple hours in the ER Saturday night. Got a pounding headache that just came on all of a sudden around 6:30. By midnight it was still going strong. I was a bit afraid to not go have it checked out. They did a CT scan and didn't find anything. So they gave me a Tramadol/Benydryl/Reglan cocktail and sent me home. The headache was there all day Sunda... Tue, 22 Oct 2013 19:02:30 EST Outline done! I have now outlined my entire gypsy story. Not just outlined the story, but outlined each of the 44 scenes in the story. I am SO ready to write this sucker! But I can't yet because I'm going to be partnering with a group of writers from Australia and we don't start until November 1. (It's not the NaNoWriMo thing I was talking about.) We have to all be on the computer typing for an hour every day at the same time as everyone else. Ought to be a little tricky as it's going to be morning for eit... Wed, 16 Oct 2013 19:30:26 EST Another confusing day... Truth is I don't know what I ate. I wasn't paying attention! I'm going to have to wake up and smell the calories being guzzled or I'm just going to be spinning my wheels. <BR> <BR> Everything around here seemed chaotic today. Was dragging butt bad. Spent most of the day on the phone, actually. Then a hurried dinner and we were off to a Meet & Greet with our new pastor. He's been here two months and has been getting everyone in church together in small groups to get to know everyone. It was n... Wed, 2 Oct 2013 00:54:36 EST Decent eating day... All things considered, except for church again. I don't know what it is about watching other people eat, but I simply CANNOT do it! I bet I could lose a lb. a week without even trying if I'd stop going to church! It's not supposed to be that way, is it? Mon, 30 Sep 2013 00:35:27 EST Today was a good eating day... Probably because I spent most of the day reading articles about story structure and scene structure and outlining... When my mind is busy, it ignores my stomach! <BR> <BR> Am having a bit of trouble with my arthritis (in the form of gout). It appears the uric acid is WAY backed up in my system and my creatinine level is elevated. Waiting to hear back from the doc about how we handle this. It's quite unpleasant. If stuff like this keeps up I'll be losing weight for sure because I won't be al... Sun, 29 Sep 2013 00:26:05 EST Good day... Came in 200 calories under today. I can still do it! Woo hoo! Finally a little bit of encouragement. <BR> <BR> Got a call from the doc at the clinic today. They need me to come in an give them a urine sample as my creatinine levels seem to be rather high. I just had one three weeks ago at the diabetes clinic and Joanie said everything looked good. So now I'm worrying. Having diabetes is NOT for the faint of heart! <BR> <BR> There's a Holocaust exhibit at one of the local libraries and Arn a... Fri, 27 Sep 2013 00:51:42 EST A really FULL day... And when I say full I'm talking about my stomach! I had the equivalent of four meals today and didn't even bat an eye. And THAT'S what worries me. <BR> <BR> Breakfast at 7:00 <BR> A friend came up from Salt Lake and brought me a raspberry mocha frap and pumpkin bread <BR> Lunch out with said friend at 2:00 <BR> Dinner at McD's because Arn and I were going to the library to see a film about the Holocaust <BR> <BR> Had it just been the three regular meals I would likely have been ok, but Sta... Wed, 25 Sep 2013 23:44:16 EST Am getting very, very frustrated here... ..and tired of putting stuff on here for other people to read, except for the few of you I've known for a long time. So I have turned my page to private so I can rant in peace if I want to. <BR> <BR> I have gained 14 lbs. since Stef was here with the kids. eating was awful. We ate out nearly every night. I am still in Onederland, but am edging closer to 200 and I want to stop this now. But nothing that I was doing before when I lost this last 30 lbs. seems to be working. <BR> <BR> I am ju... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 12:11:23 EST Just had my check-up with Joanie... Had my six-month check-up with Joanie at the diabetes clinic this week. Yes, I am now only having to go twice a year instead of every three or four months. I was really nervous about going. My eating was SO out of control the whole time Stef and the kids were here that I figured my A1C would be up around 6.8 or so. Imagine my surprise when it was only 6.1. Right where they want it. I guess I did better at making good food choices than I thought I did. I think it was the beginning to drink Cok... Sat, 31 Aug 2013 15:55:14 EST Finally feel like I'm back on track... My weight is dropping again after two weeks of wanton eating! And I just read an article on here about how cutting out fat will help you lose. The article made me feel really snarky because I knew that. It wasn't until I tried upping my protein to where the site says I should be that my downward trend came to a screeching halt. The reason -- and I knew it immediately -- was because my fat intake went up. I was just so tired all the time and thought it was because I was getting no where near ... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 19:56:05 EST Finally getting back to wait! The kids are gone. They've actually been gone since the 31st, but it's taken me a week for my body to even BEGIN to heal from all the lifting and crawling around on the floor. This time I thought I might have to make a trip to the doc for a pain shot, but today, for the first time, I was not in mega pain when I got up. So I THINK I'm finally on the mend. <BR> <BR> Don't have the pictures downloaded yet so will post some later this weekend. But we had a good time. Arn and I got to keep the bo... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 12:05:01 EST TMI... I've been trying to do a lot more reading on here. Figured education about nutrition, motivation, wellness, etc. is always a plus, right? But sometimes I think I just go into information overload. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling like that today. Just all over the map emotionally and feeling like I'm on the verge of tears. It's been a weird day. I didn't sleep last night till after 3:00 because his lordship was having a particularly bad night. I asked him when the alarm went off to not wake me up for b... Mon, 15 Jul 2013 12:21:31 EST We are married to ourselves... I just read an inspirational story on here written by a Sparker. It was called "Finding My Inner Spark." The gal made a statement at the end of the pieces that really caught my attention. She said, "For the first time I feel very comfortable with who I am and with what I will never be." <BR> <BR> It just kind of hit me that that is a piece of the "habit" puzzle that is missing for me. I have this feeling deep inside me that I will never be ok with who or how I am no matter HOW much weight I... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 11:03:20 EST Wow! Been AWOL for awhile... Guess that's 'cause there's just not much going on except the daily battle of trying to change my eating habits. That's about to change (the nothing going on part) as Stef is coming with the boys on the 17th. So for two weeks we will be really busy. <BR> <BR> Eating is getting the better of me again. I'm still around 190 (with no intention of seeing that 200 mark again!), but I just can't get it together. I think I was just so tired of being vigilant for the last 18 months that I thought, wh... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 00:11:45 EST Had a good food weekend... Made some excellent choices overall and still allowed myself some slack. I even treated his lordship to a frappucino at Starbucks yesterday. And though I was over my calories a little bit, I made good choices all day so felt it was ok to have the treat. <BR> <BR> I finally feel like my focus is back where it had been for over a year while I dropped 30 lbs. I guess the Thanksgiving/Christmas/ birthday celebrations (we have a LOT January through May) just did me in. I think after spending over... Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:13:33 EST I just got the most repins ...on Pinterest from something I've posted that I've ever had. There were like 30 people that repinned this after I pinned it last night: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> I just found that very poignant. And a little heartbreaking... And it certainly would apply to trying to change your eating style, too. At least for me. <BR> <BR> Food has been good the last two days. I believe I've got my focus back finally. Wed, 12 Jun 2013 10:57:05 EST I have decided that his lordship... NOT my friend when it comes to trying to change my eating lifestyle. He sabotaged me AGAIN last night, knowing full well I have a goal I want to reach before I see Joanie (the diabetes doc) on July 9th. Truth is, that was a revelation to me. I've often read articles that say some spouses don't want their partners to lose weight for several reasons. I guess he's one of those partners. <BR> <BR> Question today is, so what am I going to do about it? Saying no to going out socially is goin... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 11:26:29 EST So I read an article on here today about how I should be blogging... Trouble is I journal daily at home, and on Saturdays I have a journal I do called The Saturday Morning Kitchen Khronicles which sums up the week, pretty much. Been keeping that one going steady for twelve years now. So I get kind of tired of journaling. But the article I read INSISTS there's a difference because people get to actually READ your blogs. It said you can talk about whatever is going on in your life. Sigh... Well, so here's my SMKK from today (most of it anyways...) <BR> <BR> Sa... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 12:23:09 EST The word for the day is... ...autonomous. <BR> <BR> So here's the deal. In October 2011 (or there abouts) I had a major epiphany about what I had to do to get this weight off. I wrote down my "creed" (so to speak) and set out to accomplish my goal. In September 2012 I was 32 lbs. lighter. But somewhere along the way since then I seem to have lost the focus of what I set out to do. What was that creed? Well, I started out with four statements set in stone and added two more as I went along: <BR> <BR> 1. I must want to... Sat, 25 May 2013 23:37:13 EST