BOYCRAZYMOMMY's SparkPeople Blog BOYCRAZYMOMMY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community A tough few months Today's motivation: I've slipped into a pretty bad depression and have gone into self destruction mode, I went on an Ice cream every night, soda everyday, stopped caring what when into my head hole mass destruction. I quit running, working out... caring! Part of it being because of my health issue and the conic pain & fatigue I'm having, part of it because so much other crap was going on in my head. Taking care of myself became too hard. I've put on 10 lbs my clothes are tight and I have no "... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 01:20:21 EST For the First time in a long time... I am proud of myself!!!! <BR> <BR> I spent a lot of December looking back over the past year and reflecting on everything I had done and watching myself morph into something better... I was looking forward to this year to make not a resolution but a plan...or a map you might say, and I'm very excited about it. <BR> <BR> I did so many impossible things in 2012, okay we all know it's not impossible but to me they were. I had so many changes I had to make. <BR> <BR> I had to change my m... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 20:03:21 EST I'm liking this feeling It's been so long since I looked in the Mirror and liked what I saw. I loathe mirrors and would only use them to make sure what I was wearing didn't look totally wrinkled or made me look like a tent, but I would never stop in front of the mirror and actually look let alone halfway like what I saw. <BR> <BR> I have had to weed out my closet and I have very few clothes that fit left, and what I do is mostly Cub Scout Day Camp T-shirts, Hoodies and Jeans. I'm in desperate need of clothing that... Sun, 9 Dec 2012 13:10:19 EST Nearing the end of this wonderful journey <img src=""> <BR> Wow I can't believe in a little over a week I will be writing the final chapter of this journey. It brings tears to me eye's just thinking about it. It has been quite the journey indeed and I am no where close to being the same person I was when I started. <BR> <BR> I have learned so much about myself in the last 5 months. I've learned that it's ok to be weak, because there's only one way to go from there! I've learned ... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 17:53:21 EST I ditched the 200 Club!!!! That's right for the first time in 10 years I weigh less than 200 lbs...This was the first goal I set to reach when I joined the gym and I have to admit that I was more than a little disappointed when I didn't reach it quickly. <BR> <BR> It has taken me almost 10 months to loose 30 lbs. Not an excuse just the truth, when I started training to run my half marathon I was told by EVERYONE including coaches. That we are learning to be endurance athletes and weight loss should not be the priori... Thu, 4 Oct 2012 23:29:57 EST Sad over food! UGH Ok so this sounds strange but I've been in a really bad head space lately... A little distracted, spacey and grumpy quickly. I do have a lot of things going on but today it really hit me. I think I'm grieving over food. I don't know if it's really possible but I think that's it. I miss the simplicity of eating. Since being diagnosed with a gluten intolerance it's changed everything about eating for me. And I LOVE food and not in an unhealthy way. I really honestly love food! EVERTYHING now is... Thu, 27 Sep 2012 20:39:59 EST I DID IT!!!! I'm so proud of myself! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I DID IT!!!!! I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge!!!! <BR> <BR> I am TERRIFIED of Bridges and my TNT higher ups planned a Marathon Preview in SF...makes sense since that is where we are running in 1 month!!! Well I was trying for weeks to mentally prepare myself and the week before the run I had decided I just couldn't run the preview. The run that week had involved a ... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 22:02:57 EST Life is crazy! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Wow so much has happened since I last Blogged. I have grown so much as a person since joining team in training. I've learned that I Can run more than 5 miles (although my body still let's me know it's not happy at about mile 7 lol) and I can laugh and run at the same time...that I have some of the greatest people in my life now and that I am just plain awesome!!! Ok I know that sounds a little conceited but let me ... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 19:39:01 EST I'm So Amazed!!!! You know when you think about it a 1/2 marathon is crazy. It feels unreachable and it's pretty scary to think about how long 13.2 miles really is. Today at training I had my best personal record yet actually I broke 3 of my PR's. <BR> <BR> I wasn't able to train last week so my last long run was our 4 miler 2 weeks ago and it was an amazing run! I needed it to be good so badly since the week before was a 3 mile and I struggled through it so bad, and was seriously doubting myself and dec... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:44:07 EST Some Ramblings This is going to be a hot mess and for that I'm sorry. I just need an outlet for everything. I've been in a really negative head space for the past week. I'm trying really hard to get out of it but I just can't shake it no matter what I do. <BR> <BR> As much as I run I feel like I should be getting better but to me I feel like I'm getting worse. I'm trying not to compare myself to everyone else and just keep with me. But I feel so slow and pathetic. Everyone is running 5:1 or 7:1's now an... Wed, 20 Jun 2012 16:23:51 EST Such a proud Momma! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I just wanted post about how proud my boys made me last week. Saturday's training was defeating to me so this lit my heart on fire. My boy's got 3 huge bags of lemons given to them at Cub Scouts and they called me on Thursday on my way to work to tell me they wanted to do a lemonade stand and donate all the money they made to my for my fundraising. OK what a sweet gesture. They brought me to tears while driving l... Sat, 9 Jun 2012 16:49:29 EST It's a great feeling when your biggest problem in life is your shoes! I almost hate to say this out loud but this are going so well in my life right now. Its the minor things that have me whining but I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm growing and with everything growing pains are inevitable right. <BR> <BR> I was released back to full duty at work with a my leg given a clean bill of health. I still have some swelling in the muscle and under the knee cap but that will work it's way out on it's own. And I got to finish my school year with my kiddo's. I missed... Thu, 7 Jun 2012 16:17:19 EST My Team in Training Mission Moment This is so new to me because in my family “We don’t talk about it” so to stand here and tell you about my disease is new. <BR> In August of 1989 I was doing a dance competition and I had a bad lower stomach pains. I couldn’t stand it hurt so badly. I did our dance like nothing was wrong and came backstage doubled over. The pain got worse and I had to go to the doctor where I had an emergency appendectomy because they were worried it was going to rupture, only to find my appendix was ok but I... Sat, 2 Jun 2012 17:29:55 EST I'm running my 1st half Marathon!!! I just realized I never updated my Marathon dilemma, you know do I join team in training or not. Well this year I had this crazy urge to join team in training. I've never been interested in it before but this year it was different it was in my Soul and I was hell bent on it. The roadblock? My husband! I was not going to join if he was not going to support me. So we talked and I listened to his concerns and I explained to him that those were mine too. And that childcare is going to be an issu... Sat, 2 Jun 2012 17:14:17 EST So Happy! Today was my first training with Team in Training. I was like a kid at christmas last night and had trouble getting to bed because of the excitement and nerves. I was a little worried about my knee and leg not cooperating. And nervous because I haven't ran since my injury on April 24th. AND the biggest worry...I've NEVER ran outdoors before. Until today I've only done my running on the treadmill. <BR> <BR> So I get up this morning and eat my breakfast and my sister (TNT alumni and Captain) ... Sat, 26 May 2012 16:40:47 EST Getting back on track I got released back to work on Monday and was able to go back to work Tuesday. I'm so thankful that he allowed me to do my own rehab during my last 2 weeks off. I was swimming and walking in the pool and walking as much as my leg could tolerate. And it worked! I asked him how long it would be until I could start running again and he said as soon as I feel like I can, but just start out slow again. But there's no reason I can't be running normally by next week. This is such great news to me s... Thu, 24 May 2012 22:21:41 EST 2 more weeks! UGH that's how much longer I'm out. I've got good range of motion and a lot of the swelling is down but I can't walk with out a limp or some pain and I can't go on my tiptoes so I can't go back to work. If I had a job that I could sit at I'm sure I'd be back but my job is VERY busy...running, walking holding all of the things I still can't do. Which means the run is out this weekend. He did say that I could start taking slow walks with out my crutches. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry... Tue, 8 May 2012 15:29:50 EST I need good thoughts please Almost 2 weeks ago I got hurt at work. I work in special ed and we were on a field trip. We took our kids fishing with the high school Special Ed. classes. It was a beautiful day so much fun. <BR> <BR> Everything was going great until the end. We fished, had a BBQ and then would load back into the buses and head back.....Until my water dog student decided to morph into goo...slide off the picnic bench ooze out the other side and take off like a bullet to the water. I felt like one of thos... Sat, 5 May 2012 14:12:00 EST I'm Selfish I have never put my own wants or needs before anyone else's. In 35 years of my existance I have always done what I think is right, even means if it's not right for me. But I'm afraid of letting people down, or what will they think of me. So when I'm learning to take care of myself and do things for me it feels foreign. <BR> <BR> I remember when my husband went into recovery I was so angry with him and the whole situation. I was hurt and angry with him from all the damage he'd cause to me a... Sun, 15 Apr 2012 14:22:22 EST What a day! Long and emotional...sorry Ok so I've been taking you on this crazy marathon....wanting to be part of something bigger than me but scared of the fundraising thing. Well this week if you joined Team in Training it's free. Normally it's $100 to register with the Team. I have watched my sister form some amazing friendships with TnT and when the gym and I clicked and I realized that I love going...I actually cried because I got it. I understood that feeling you get when something is just so right. Well this week I have bee... Sat, 7 Apr 2012 03:06:35 EST Running out of my skin Literally! This morning when I was getting ready for work I have a full length mirror and I noticed that my upper thighs looked really flabby fat. So of course I have to investigate and OMG it's aweful... I have these little pillow pouchy looking things right at the top inside of my thighs, so I was a little creeped out and feeling gross. I got dressed in my new smaller pants and they still fit like a dream so I'm like ok, what gives. My legs are getting puffy fat but my pants fit the same. F... Fri, 6 Apr 2012 00:06:31 EST Emotional Whirlwind I feel like I'm sucked right into an emotional tornado. All of my emotions are whirling around my head and I have no control of anything. The one thing about me is I am a CONTROL FREAK! If I can't control something I become a freak! And right now there are a few things that are sending me to tears. Things I can NOT control, Things from my past I can NOT change, things in my marriage I thought we were past. And the high of finding my happy place and still having to come back to reality. <BR> ... Sun, 1 Apr 2012 22:00:48 EST I'm a runner!?!?! Well not fully...but I've finished week 1 of C25K and I'm in LOVE!!! I can't believe how different this whole life shift is for me. I've gone from the girl that would wish the fat away and hated exercise, sweating and the GYM! Running? Yeah that's what I do from the car to the bathroom everyday after my commute home from work lol.. Now I'm committing to a running program...AND....wait for it....LOVE IT!!!! I can't wait to actually run for distance and feel like a real runner...BUT it's a star... Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:45:32 EST So stinkin' close!! I am so stinkin close to my first be UNDER 200 lbs. I have 4 silly little lbs to go. I'm on spring break this week and my goal is to be at the gym every day. As much as I love my zumba and ripped classes I really need to give this running thing a fair shot since I want to do a 1/2 marathon in September. And the trainers have been telling me muscle equals metabolism and I'm really learning to love strength training. AND since I've been doing more ST the lbs are coming off faster. So ... Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:46:40 EST Day 1 of C25K Something I NEVER thought would ever come out of my mouth! I guess you can say I'm officially training for my first 1/2 marathon in September. I got my feet fitted for my running shoes yesterday and got my new shoes and inserts and today I ran! Training on a treadmill is different from running I've been told. You use different leg muscles so when your training on a treadmill to run on the street you have to run on an today I did 1.5 miles walk/run at 5% incline...and I felt great... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:44:47 EST Who's a size 14? THIS GIRL!!! Ok so all the whining about the weight not falling off and not seeing much change in my body blah blah blah has finally appeared before my eyes! I blogged that my pants fell down at work and now I can pull on every pair of jeans I own with out unbuttoning...I was debating buying a belt or just getting a few new pairs of pants. Yesterday after the gym (I'm on spring break this week) Hubz and I decided to kill a little time before going home. We ended up at goodwill...yep I'm a thrift shop ju... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:52:35 EST Word's I've never heard... You are not eating enough in the day! Those are word's I was told yesterday by the trainer. ::HeadSpin:: Uh, you realize you just said that to me right... the girl in front of you that weighs over 200 lbs right? <BR> <BR> I went for my weigh in yesterday and we were talking about why my weight is not coming off... other than the fact that I've been sicker since I've started at the gym than I have been in years... First bronchitis, then kidney infection now Upper Respiratory infection I'm ... Sun, 25 Mar 2012 22:02:17 EST 99% I am 99% ready to sign my commitment papers for the Disney 1/2 Marathon in september! The fundraising is the thing my husband is most concerned with, so I need to come up with a fool proof system to raise 3300 with out it coming from our bank account. I start training on tuesday, I'm so excited! I'm going running shoe shopping monday!!! YAHOO!!! Sat, 24 Mar 2012 16:40:09 EST A Big Decision to make Ok since I've been pouring my heart and soul out here to the world I figured I'd put this out here too. I really feel like this is a safe place and if I don't go through with it I won't be judged where in my real life people tend to be a little judgy (it's a word for today lol). A little story...believe me you'll catch the drift here pretty quickly. My sister decided 3 years ago that she was going to run a marathon for her 30th birthday. She was never a hard core athlete or runner (we're danc... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 00:29:22 EST My Pants fell down!!! I told you earlier that at work I had the week from well you know .... But one of the things I forgot to mention is while running to catch bolter #1 my pant's fell down!!! Good news is I wear long shirts and an apron lol. And it wasn't like down around the ankle kind of drop but down over the tummy and off the hips kind. My apron kept me covered lol. So I'm holding said bolter and trying to pull my pants up without looking like a freak!!! They are my Levis and I LOVE them! The were the most ... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 15:45:29 EST LOL at my self I work at a school out in the country and everyday I have to drive by this cute little store/coffee/deli/produce/pumpkin patch or christmas tree (depending on the season) store. It's the cutest little place and often I get my coffee there but they also sell doughnuts from the most amazing bakery in town. Every day as I'm leaving work I always think "Oh today a doughnut would taste so good" but then I take inventory of my feelings and why I want to eat it. Well this week has been ROUGH my kids... Fri, 9 Mar 2012 21:26:55 EST Letting go Ok I know I've mentioned several times how emotional this change has been for me. And I don't know what is wrong with me I've lost 12 lbs since Jan. 4th and a total of 20 since Aug. And I'm just now starting to see the changes and my clothes are really starting to fit different. Today we moved our new dresser into our room and we were going through clothes and doing a keep and donation pile. I got to my favorite jean skirt that's been getting a little big and the last time I wore it almost wa... Sun, 26 Feb 2012 15:03:13 EST A well needed break I have taken this week off from the gym. I have been pushing myself so hard that I was actually starting to hurt myself. I went from being the girl that couldn't go 1 girly push-up to being the girl that can do 20-40 a day inclined on weights like a mad woman! I worked for a solid 3 weeks on arms and core with my friend and I've seen HUGE improvement and shaping in my arms, which I ABSOLUTELY HATE!!! Anyone that know's me know's I'd rather wear butt hugger shorts and a half top (which is not ... Sat, 25 Feb 2012 16:12:40 EST Breathing... This is what I'm doing today...and without any effort. Today is a complete 180 from yesterday. Yesterday I was ready to run away from the world. And today I've actually enjoyed. I was trying to figure out what is going on. A lot of it is in my head and wanting faster results. I have realized that I have to stop this. As long as the scale and inches are going down that is the RIGHT direction. The other thing that I'm doing is Starving myself. I didn't realize it but I ran my food report last n... Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:51:41 EST My Negative Block I don't know why but I have had such a negative attitude lately. Could be Feb is always hard on me, could be we are plagued with Drama at work. Could be that my boy's are really having a rough time getting along right now and my almost 10 year old has that AWFUL Tween attitude. Thought boy's were supposed to be easy. Mostly it could be I miss my husband, he's been working 7 day's a week now for several months. And weekends suck because we never see each other. Friday I leave for work at 7am a... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 16:45:41 EST Ok I'm committed! I have always believed that I wasn't truly committed to anything until I told someone. It's bizarre I know but I have always been about my word and somehow I feel more accountable to do something if I've spoke about it. Well in December I decided that I love Zumba so much that January 2013 I am going to get Certified as an Instructor. I was talking to my friend and workout partner about it and she was like Yah! Go for it! Then we started doing RIPPED <link> Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:21:04 EST YAHOO!!!! I'm back! I've been back to the gym full force. My friend and I did her workout from her personal trainer on saturday and on Monday my husband and I went to work out and I did the same workout. It felt GREAT! Today I did my RIPPED Express class followed by Zumba and I feel like I'm even stronger than I was before I got sick. It didn't take me long to bounce back at all. I'm so proud! The best part is during the 30 mins of RIPPED I was actually looking at myself and thought Hmmmmm, my thighs d... Wed, 8 Feb 2012 00:47:19 EST Trying to Change February.. February has always been a hard month for me. The whole month could just go away and I'd be just fine with that. It's an emotionally challenging month for me and even without thinking about it my mental health takes a dive. So this time I've got a game plan to get through it. Yesteday is the day that kicks it off. Feb 2 is when my bestfriend in the whole world died from cancer. It's been 17 years and the pain is still fresh as it was that morning. And it usually sets the tone for the rest of ... Sat, 4 Feb 2012 01:27:46 EST I'm sticking to my self challenge To try something that Scares me or that I may not be all that excited to do. I've realized that the only thing that can hold me back from myself is ME. So when I decided to get healthy I made a challenge to myself that I would try something that Scares me ( like a new class that looks hard, or that I may not feel like I can do) or do something I may not be excited about doing. Case in point....Pole Dancing. Ok so when you think about pole dance first thoughts that come to you head "Stripper, ... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:30:18 EST So Frustrated! It seems like every time I get in a good rhythm at the gym I get really sick and have to stop. The first time was just after our club opened and I was trying everything and really starting to feel the mental change and I got nailed with bronchitis. Well you know if you can't breathe then you can't work out...I was laid up out of the gym for over 2 weeks. I have endomitrosis so at any time I feel awful and crampy but during my cycle when they decide to show up can be a nightmare so no gym tha... Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:21:30 EST Ouch! Ok so I was on a blogging roll last night while I was on my Zumba enhanced super high. This week was so much fun, I'm really proud of myself for getting to the gym as much as I did. I've never been to the gym that many day's in a row in my LIFE! I spent over 400 cardio minutes there, that's not including our pool play day's and equiptment work. I've been really good about my eating too. So this morning I weighed myself and I'm up 3lbs on my scale. OUCH talk about deflating. Yes I realize that... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 13:13:29 EST My goals... My friend, Husband and I joined the biggest winner challenge at the gym. It goes until april, of course I'm going to win it lol. I figured anytime I really want to accomplish anything I have to be challenged so I joined to help keep me commited and striving for my goals....wait what are my goals I haven't set any. It's been pretty "blanketed" up until now you know that generic...I want to loose some weight and get healthy. Well tonight after the gym I was talking to my girlfriend who has been... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 01:23:54 EST What a week! My "week" is over by this I mean my time at the gym. I'm taking the weekend off (well we are going to the pool sunday) I have logged in over 400 mins of cardio and strength training in this week. Today I even did 2 zumba classes. I started and finished my day with Zumba. I feel AMAZING!!! My favorite Zumba instructor asked me how much weight I've lost, and I haven't lost much of anything but I do see physical changes and She saw it too!!!!! I called this week Cardio carnage because I go back... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 01:14:07 EST I'm Ranting!!! Boy this holiday thing has thrown me a parents live 2 1/2 hours away from me and live deep in the sticks so running around the farm with kids was about all the exercise I got for thanksgiving.... then I came home and have really felt awful, honestly some of my "gym day's" I just didn't feel like going...and I know those are the day's I NEED to go but emotionally right now I'm having a hard time doing anything. I don't know why everything is hitting me so hard except I keep flashing... Mon, 5 Dec 2011 00:10:09 EST I'm a Class girl Ok I'm hooked on the gym...infact I kinda feel like I'm becoming obsessed. I plan my day's around the classes I want to take. I actually cried last weekend when a scheduling conflict happened and I missed the class I wanted. Our gym has an AWESOME kids club so I have to plan during those hours. Last friday I did my first Zumba class and it was amazing I seriously looked forward to this friday so I could do it again. Sunday I spent several hours at the gym on the elipcical, learning how to us... Sat, 12 Nov 2011 21:18:59 EST story of my life so as the story goes, I get going on a good streak and then I loose my motivation. Things get in the way and I get too busy. Then you know the snowball effect. I get upset and discouraged and it's not that I give up, I will just get back to it later. Well later comes when I've finally decided I hate the way I feel or whatever it may be and I get going again. Until.....the next time. Well in may I was having a really hard time emotionally and my hair was falling out my skin looked awful, and ... Sat, 12 Nov 2011 01:48:49 EST Family fun??? Ok so I've alway's said that my family puts the fun in Dysfunctional. But this is at a new level. I have decided I'm sick of the dysfunctional web and I'm removing myself from it. I have 2 choices, I can remain in the sick web of drama and I can continue be hurt and get mad at my mom because of her lies or I can just choose to move on. I know what the truth is! If I need to be her bad guy to make herself feel better then so be it. But I am not going to allow myself to get any deeper into this... Sat, 8 Jan 2011 15:03:44 EST Emotional Rollercoaster I need to get back to some sort of control over my life, and my weight and health are just about the only thing I can control at this point. I've been in the dumps and have had a major case of the "F"-its lateley. And because of this I'm letting my emotions take control of everything, my willpower, my self esteem, my well being EVERYTING. I have to realize I have no control of the things going on in my life but I can't put my life on hold and hope things work out the way I want them to. I nee... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 17:45:25 EST