BLUELOUISE29's SparkPeople Blog BLUELOUISE29's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Why do I do this??? Wish I could stop sabotaging myself. I see some progress and then I go off the deep end and gorge on horrible things. I keep thinking what am I doing to my body?? Why am I letting my addiction to food win?? I am stronger than this. I want to live a long and healthy life. I don't want to be embarrassed when I run into people I haven't seen in a while. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer. I want to be confident. I hate that I can't control my cravings. I hate that I do this t... Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:29:20 EST Weekend Struggles Well the weekend is finally here, THANK GOODNESS!! <BR> This is usually when I start to struggle sticking to my healthy diet plan. I'm trying to be very conscious of every thing I put in my mouth and I plan to stock up on lots of healthy snack ideas to have on hand. I've done pretty well this week well except for the ice cream incident on Monday, Corn on the cob incident on Tuesday, 4 tortilla chips on Thursday. <BR> But I'm going to look at the positives and try to push the negatives awa... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:34:25 EST Honesty I've decided I am getting no where by not being 100% percent honest with my food intake. I wonder why I'm not losing weight, but I know why I'm not. Because I'm still sneaking bad things and those things add up. <BR> It is time to be accountable to myself and to everyone else. I have no one to blame but me. So here it is.... <BR> Monday I started a new Candida diet, to control my fibromyalgia pain. I've read if you have fibromyalgia you more then likely have a candida overgrowth (or suga... Wed, 11 Aug 2010 09:08:59 EST Sugar is the devil So I have come to terms with my inner demons and realized as long as I can remember I have been addicted to sugar. <BR> My addiction started at a very young age. I remember vividily stealing change from my parents and walking to a nearby store to buy candy. My mom would give me a dollar and I would run to store to pick out candy bars. I spent my allowance on sweets. Not chocolate, but hardcare sugary candy. Peach skins, Washington Sour Cherries, Nerds, Sweet Tarts were my drugs of choice... Thu, 1 Jul 2010 12:29:53 EST Pictures I went through some old pictures last night from the past 10 years. <BR> You know what I saw? <BR> <BR> A girl who wasn't comfortable in her own skin. A girl who yo-yo dieted her way up and down and up and down over and over again. A girl who never thought she was beautiful, or good enough. A girl who hid herself in too big clothes, or looked miserable in clothes 1 size too small. Even at my smallest in high school I can see remember not feeling pretty or thin enough. I want to say good... Thu, 13 May 2010 10:53:50 EST Dreams of me I have dreams of how I want to be when I lose all this weight. <BR> I want to be able to make eye contact with people when they talk to me and not shrink back and avoid it. <BR> I want to be confident when I run into old class mates or people I haven't seen in a while, not avoid them and walk (run) the other way. <BR> I want to feel beautiful for the first time in my life. <BR> I want to have self confidence, I'm not sure where it went. <BR> I want to be able to fit and healthy and be a goo... Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:36:58 EST First time in a long time... For the first time in a long time I feel in control of what I put into my mouth. For the first time in a long time I'm stronger then my cravings. When I feel them coming I grab a healthy snack or I find just getting up and doing something (laundry, unloading the dishwasher) really takes my mind off of it. I know my road is long, but for the first time in a long time I really feel like I can do this. <BR> I don't have a supportive husband, infact quite the opposite sometimes. But I know I ... Tue, 30 Mar 2010 12:25:32 EST New week and up 4 lbs I'm up the 4 lbs. I lost. I was tempted to be disappointed and throw in the towel like I had done in years past, but this time it's different. This time I know why I'm up and I will learn from this. I'm not giving up, not this time. I'm picking up the pieces and starting all over again. I am going to keep doing what I'm doing and this is just a little pot hill in my weight loss journey. Oh yes and hopefully next month when I'm PMSing I will know my limits and not let it throw me off tra... Tue, 23 Mar 2010 15:29:01 EST Long week and its not over yet! I have been making great food choices this week, though today has been a big struggle. I'm fighting those PMS cravings bad!! But instead of the chips I wanted I settled for a bowl of honeynut cheerios. <BR> I'm so inspired by all of you fellow sparkers, I can't tell you how much all of you help keep me on track. Whether it is from seeing the progress you've all made, or the positive comments and emails. I truly feel I'm not in this alone and though I'm the only one who can choose my path... Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:28:37 EST This got me thinking.... Self-sabotage: when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen... results tell us your intentions, not your words, your weight is our journal, not your paper... your mirror is your judge, not your friends. <BR> <BR> I read the above saying on a Weight loss website and at first it kinda ticked me off. But the more I read it the more truth comes from it. <BR> <BR> I can say I want to lose this weight until I'm blue in the face. But if I'm still picking up th... Wed, 17 Mar 2010 15:49:01 EST Feeling inspired!!! I'm feeling so inspired today about losing weight and keeping it off. I am so done with all of the self sabotage. Eating food to deal with depression, sadness, happiness, anything but hunger. It is such an empty feeling eating something that so wasn't worth it. Today is a new day and my slate is wiped clean. If I slip and fall I won't give up or give in. I will dust myself off and start over again. I am done being unhappy with how I look and hiding in the shadows. I'm tired of avoidin... Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:44:03 EST