BLUEBLOMMA's SparkPeople Blog BLUEBLOMMA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I Think I Have To Go Now..... It's been a while since I have signed in here and it isn't because I got lazy, or forgot, or anything like that...though I wish it was. I really, really wish it was. <BR> <BR> I'm trying to hold everything together but everything is falling apart at the moment. I don't have the time, or energy to sign in here. So, I figure for the time being, it will be better for me to go for now. <BR> <BR> When you are mentally and emotionally falling apart and you are trying to deal with the things th... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 11:22:07 EST Not The Same Thing.... Yup, decided to put that as a title instead of my usual "It's been a while." I use that instead of admitting to the fact that I just have nothing interesting or exciting to talk about. Or if there is too much and I have no clue where to begin. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I did complete my challenges and felt dang proud about it. I needed to do those in order to be accountable for my actions and to heft myself out. After the end of the challenges, I just keep going out. We do a lot of walking. ... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 18:35:26 EST Tired, tired, and then even more tired Have no clue what is up with that but I'm just feeling worn down and want to just go to bed and not wake up until I feel totally rested...whatever that may be like. <BR> <BR> Been doing my things...but still having issues with staying on track. I seem to do really good then all of a sudden just flake out. Think I have follow through issues...or maybe I'm just flipping lazy. <BR> <BR> Ok...Well, going to clean up the filthy kitchen....lift some weights...I really need to get back on the b... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 09:55:57 EST Week 1 Down Did week 1 and it was a lot easier than expected. I need something like this to keep me accountable. <BR> <BR> Wish I can say I did everything I wanted, but trying to adjust to my oldest being back home so I have forgotten to drink water or anything for that matter and I have felt like I have eaten more than I should. I haven't lifted any weights and I can feel the flabbiness of my own arms...I hate that feeling. I swear every minute I can feel my muscles fading away. Just in my head..... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 08:26:21 EST My First Challenge I added myself to my first SparkPeople Challenge. So....yup. I haven't been to active on here and I'm kinda wanting to change that fact. So what better way than to participate in a challenge that will help my health? <BR> <BR> Looking forward to it. Took a lovely walk last night. I'm always amazed that I now live in a country where the sun doesn't really go down. It does mess with your biological clock though and if you aren't careful, it can make you a wee bit crazy! <em>334</em> . ... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 08:33:01 EST My Sabbatical.... Did I spell that right? Ok. Well....A lot has happened this past week, oh, and I learned a bit about me too. <BR> <BR> 1 - It took me dang near a week to finish my final O.O. It was a lot of me stressing and freaking out. I dreamt about that thing....still do. <BR> <BR> 2 - I did learn that ethics is an extremely fascinating thing to discuss. To learn about. I also learned that for me personally, I literally have no black or white stance on too many things now. <BR> <BR> 3 - I also... Sun, 9 Jun 2013 18:19:05 EST AWWWWW!!! FINALS!!!! My first final in like 20 years and I'm completely freaking out! It was released today and I read over it and all I could think was "When in the world did we learn this stuff?!?!?" <BR> <BR> I'm scared on so many levels...... <em>40</em> Tue, 28 May 2013 16:44:14 EST Been A While But not that long really. I ended up taking a class. It came at a time that I needed it. It was empowering and showed me that I was more than just a overweight mother. It helped my self-esteem and gave me the strength that somewhere along the line I had lost or it was taken from me. I didn't feel so beaten down. <BR> <BR> I have taken my power back so to speak and filed charges against my son's school. Even if nothing comes from it, they now know that I will no longer sit back and let ... Mon, 27 May 2013 07:56:58 EST Today I have been going out and walking. I have been drinking my water..some days are better than others, since I sometimes forget to drink that water. My eating habits are not going so good. <BR> <BR> It's not that I'm eating everything, its that I'm not eating properly at all. I have lost a bit of weight and I'm amazed about what I can do now that I wasn't able to. Funny how that works. <BR> <BR> There has been a lot of stress and such at the moment. One of those times that one feels like ... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 07:53:04 EST Easter I survived it! My chocolate bunny is still intact and still in the top of my closet. I don't even have a desire to eat it or nibble or anything. It is small victory but a victory none the less. <BR> <BR> I have been walking everyday since Friday..except for today. Today, I was a slug and just hang with my family. We did nothing and yes I feel guilty. But I wanted one day to just shut totally off and do nothing since tomorrow it is back to routine again. Lectures, debates, discussion... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 15:49:21 EST Saturday Well, last night and tonight I went out on my night walks. It's soo cold! I would love for it to be spring..the wind just bites and makes me numb through and through. <BR> <BR> I have noticed that the walks no longer kill me and I'm able to pick up my pace. I walk where I do have a bit of an issue with talking. I can feel my heart beat. I don't always want to go out...especially with it being so cold. But I do. I tell myself that I'm doing this for my life. <BR> <BR> I forgot to d... Sat, 30 Mar 2013 15:04:37 EST Today I have been lifting weights and tonight I will be going for a night walk with my oldest son. What I have been doing is lifting through the week and walking during the weekend. With it being an holiday and the kids off school next week, I intend to walk everyday. <BR> <BR> I am finding it a bit difficult to juggle class, working with my youngest, house, and myself. Sometimes, I feel such guilt when the house is a mess. But I can't give up my son...helping him to grow and develop is so i... Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:22:54 EST Your Challenge PB Today was my second day out. My husband informed me yesterday that I actually hadn't left my home since the first week of Novemeber O.O. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, or the night before, which would be friday, I sat here looking at my blog that I have on another site. I found the last post I made from when I use to go hiking....I felt a bit ashamed. I knew it had be a while, but I didn't realize how long it had been. Pictures don't lie. <BR> <BR> Friday night as I looked at those pictures, I ... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 09:47:43 EST For Me I keep reading all over the place that once you are over 40 it is nearly impossible to loose just a little bit of weight. This is so disheartening for me because I have a whole lot of weight to loose. I'm 43 and huge. <BR> <BR> I gave up. I did. I quit the whole thing and started eating and eating. Not really, but I gave up. I use to exercise. Walk. Lift weights. Drink water. Al of that. But then, I quit. I gave up. I quit caring. I didn't leave my flat. Didn't lift. Didn't ... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 20:42:59 EST Pride I haven't been on here much but that is ok. I'm still battling the battle of the weight! Actually that is a bit dramatic isn't it? Anyway, I'm feeling so proud of myself at the moment. Its been two days of me successfully not finishing my plate! Not a big deal, but for some one who was raised and trained to "clean your plate because there are hungry children in the world..." these last couple of days was a huge hurdle for me. <BR> <BR> My life, my childhood centered around food - if I g... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 12:52:36 EST 10 Minutes 10 minutes is a long, long time when you are tired and you don't want to do anything. But I did it. Fri, 11 Jan 2013 14:40:40 EST Today - Thursday After fighting myself, I finally got the house clean. I was so tired and also the pain in my hands are totally unbelievable...almost brought tears every time I had to use them, and because they are hands, that's all the time. It is snowing again and we went from minus to plus back to minus all in a week. It just causes all kind of agony for me. <BR> <BR> Today - nothing. I haven't done no marching, jogging, walking, or lifting. I slept. Not all day but most of the day. Got up earlier ... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 09:45:26 EST Wednesday I didn't do any marching/walking today but will do some lifting. Its hard when I feel tired and when my hands hurt so much. I don't want to do it. Just want to crawl back in to bed and do nothing. But I won't. Haven't had my water yet....but will have that when I have my breakfast. <BR> <BR> My husband came in and just informed me that winter sickness has hit my son's class...not good. NOT Good! This stuff is like the stomach flue times a million! My first introduction to it was 2 ye... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 02:57:11 EST Today Was up at 4.48. Hate that when that happens. Was able to get some more sleep before the alarm went off at 6. Got the youngest one out and I was able to do 10 minutes of in place marching and jogging. I know that isn't much compared to some, but for me that's absolutely huge. I feel like I have accomplished something already. <BR> <BR> The thing is, I have to stay motivated. I have to push through. I have to get my thumb out and just do it. I have a big issue with that. I always sa... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 02:33:36 EST The Beginning I did some thinking and finally decided I would give SparkPeople another go. I only did it halfheartedly last time and just quit. But I really want to make these changes. I want to feel better and not feel like I do. I know that every journey begins with one step. One step turns to another and another until you realize you are far on your adventure. I've taken several steps. Now this one, I have to go ahead and take the next step and just go. <BR> <BR> I'm not too old. It's not too l... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 12:59:13 EST