BLONDEDOG's SparkPeople Blog BLONDEDOG's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Karen....a made up story that's true for someone. Hello. Today I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a girl who is skinny. She's always been skinny. Other women have envied her for years. <BR> <BR> We'll say her name is Karen. Karen is beautiful. Her blond hair shines, she has long thin legs, and she looks good in everything she wears. Many young ladies look up to Karen. They want to be her, they want to look like her, they want her life. But who is Karen? Besides just a pretty face? <BR> <BR> Karen is remarkable in every w... Fri, 12 Sep 2014 09:08:30 EST 2 blogs in 1 the world ending? Mad. I'm seriously mad right now. At myself. At what I've done to my body. I lost 65 pounds. 65 freaking pounds. And what did I do? I gained it all back. Listen. I know it happens and I know what you're going to say "don't beat yourself up, just get back on track". Bla bla bla. Yep, I know that crap, but it isn't working. I'm not losing weight. And why? Because I am lazy. <BR> <BR> I was looking at a good friends picture today where she had noticed that she is losing weight in... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 10:50:59 EST Needing to refocus... I have been so wrapped up in my personal life that I've all but forgotten about my wellness goals. I'm not exercising regularly nor am I eating well. I had a hamburger and fries at supper last night....a big and really unhealthy burger. I mean, I'll eat a burger, that's not a problem....but typically I would take the bun off, or eat the burger but no fries. Not last night. I'm just conveniently allowing myself to forget. Sheesh. I did end up taking half the bun off because I was feelin... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 08:31:55 EST Baby steps... I am feeling better about things. I am trying to be more positive. I am also trying to be more honest, in a nice way, with my husband. He needs to know the things that bother me....the big things....not every single little thing, that would drive a person crazy. <BR> <BR> Not much time for a thoughtful blog this morning, but I really wanted to let my Sparkies know that I'm doing well and things are looking up. Thank you so much for your support. Wed, 10 Sep 2014 08:59:51 EST Improvements... They are gradual, but they are there. I just finished reading a book that fell into my lap at the right time I suppose. I have downloaded so many books onto my kindle that it had become a burden to choose one to read so some time ago I began just reading the oldest book on my list no matter what it was. It was sheer happenstance that brought this book to me. It was a memoir about a married couple who quit their high powered jobs to sail around the world. There were so many parallels betw... Tue, 9 Sep 2014 08:50:39 EST Lost I am trying to be happy. I am trying to put on a brave new face every morning. I have only just now realized that I am a phoney. I am not happy. I do not feel brave. I feel sad. I feel week. I feel like I am a failure. I have all but given up on my wellness goals. I haven't been exercising, blogging, or worrying much about what I eat. I haven't been eating my emotions so that's a plus, but that's about the only one. Every day seems a little harder than the day before to fake my way... Fri, 5 Sep 2014 10:38:21 EST Not your Mother's blog... This is not going to be my typical happy go lucky, inspirational, or even questioning blog. This is not going to be a happy blog. I don't have it in me this morning to put on a cheery face. That is very very unlike me, but it is what it is. <BR> <BR> This is hard for me to admit. It is so hard to say. And maybe I shouldn't even put it out there, but I have to talk to someone about it and I have no real life friends that I talk to about stuff like this. <BR> <BR> My husband of 12 years ... Tue, 2 Sep 2014 08:20:00 EST I hate cravings.... I do. I hate them. They are awful. I do everything I can think of to stop them in their tracks. When I get a craving I feel jittery and stressed until I just give up and eat whatever it is I think I'm craving. Then more often then not that doesn't satisfy it so I eat something else. The first day of the month that I start getting cravings are the worst for me because it takes me some time to notice that I'm having a craving. That my friends is why it is so important not to just give up... Thu, 28 Aug 2014 08:27:14 EST Skipping cardio... Ack. Dumb dumb dumb. I've skipped several days of cardio. I didn't realize it had been so many until today when I edited my Spark page to reflect it. If I'm going to skip a day of cardio at the very least I need to remember to get on and log 0 miles. That way I'm confronted with my activity instead of living in denial. <BR> <BR> I am not going to beat myself up over this because I have learned that is not productive for me. I don't respond well to that so no sense in wasting my time. <... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 11:06:47 EST So pleased... I am pleased. Why? Simple. I was feeling bad yesterday. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Panicky. It was a very very rough day at work. What did I do? I overcame it. I pushed forward. I made myself calm down. By the evening I was so run down all I could do was collapse into the bathtub. When I finally forced myself to slosh out of the tub I flopped down on the couch determined to waste away the evening. I sat there and sat there and the next thing I knew I was riding my bike! Yes! That'... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 12:49:13 EST Soft... I have been soft. My blogs have been soft. They seem stunted almost. I feel like maybe I'm not being completely honest with myself. I want to be flippant, I want to be positive and encouraging. There's a problem with always being that person though. Something suffers when you are always trying to be upbeat. We can't be upbeat 100 % of the time. So today I'm going to step back from "upbeat Heather" for a moment and I'm just going to be real. <BR> <BR> This is how I feel: <BR> <BR> I... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 08:47:24 EST Finally! I am finally back in onederland! My goodness it has taken forever. I have been here before and I bopped right back up the next week so this week it is imperative that I take great care of myself and my body. If I can keep under 200 this week I feel like it will help jump start me. Seriously....the last time I hit this weigh I went up 4 pounds almost over night. I can do this. I can be strong and determined and kind to myself. I can. Mon, 18 Aug 2014 08:11:29 EST Happy Day... Well, it's Friday so that's an automatic happy day for me. I have pretty much nothing to say today. Hmmm..... <BR> <BR> No, really. <BR> <BR> There's nothing in there. <BR> <BR> Nothing feels like it needs to be said. <BR> <BR> Nothing nothing nothing nothing. There. Nothing has been said. <BR> <BR> Hope you have a wonderful day and an even better weekend! Fri, 15 Aug 2014 09:54:26 EST What to say? I've been looking at the screen trying to figure out what to write about and not having much luck. I like to be positive in my blogs, but for some reason I'm not feeling much positivity at the moment. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I'm just doing okay. Mostly I think it has to do with my sinus'. When they get like this I just feel so sleepy almost all the time. <BR> <BR> I will tell you a funny story though. If you can handle it this early in the morning. <BR> <BR> I woke up this m... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 08:49:13 EST Beat the lazy! How oh how to beat the lazy bug? It drives me crazy. Last night I ended up sitting on the edge of my couch watching Shark week. There is absolutely no reason I couldn't have gotten on my bike while I was watching. I just get so carried away watching, next thing I know it's bed time. Tonight I will do my cardio, one way or another. <BR> <BR> I sincerely hope your cardio is going better than mine, although I think I've already done better than I did the entire month of July. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 12 Aug 2014 08:22:13 EST Working hard... Well.....I'm not working all that hard. At least not at losing weight. One thing I will say though is that I'm not gaining weight like I was before. I must say that even though I'm not really losing I am very excited about the fact that I have been able to stop gaining. I'm working on improving my habits. I'm working on never giving up. I'm working on a lot of things. I am finding that my biggest hurdle to overcome is that I don't hate my body. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. I... Mon, 11 Aug 2014 08:59:06 EST Nowhere fast... Hmmm...... <BR> <BR> What to write about today? <BR> <BR> Wish I knew what you would like to read. <BR> <BR> Wish I knew what you needed to read. <BR> <BR> I wonder what I need to write. <BR> <BR> far this blog is going nowhere fast. <BR> <BR> I feel as though I have nothing of consequence to say. I can't think of a single topic to discuss. <BR> <BR> Oh, I know. I feel pretty today. That's a big deal. It doesn't sound like it and maybe it shouldn't be, but it is ... Fri, 8 Aug 2014 08:54:42 EST Best line of defense The moments in my life equal the sum total of who I am, who I will be, and how I will be. <BR> <BR> They come together and form into the beautiful person that I am today. Every moment adds to my essence. <BR> <BR> Today, I was listening to coworkers discuss some things that have been happening at work. Previously my old self would have chimed it with some yays, nays, or have your heards. Today, I was able to stand back, listen attentively, say some encouraging words and walk away. This ... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 11:19:13 EST I've got the beat! The Tiger Beat! <BR> It goes.... <BR> knee slap knee slap <BR> clap clap <BR> snap snap <BR> clap clap <BR> knee slap <BR> clap <BR> snap <BR> clap <BR> knee slap <BR> snap <BR> clap <BR> <BR> I always loved that in school. Then they changed it one day, for whatever stupid reason. The Tiger beat had been the same at the very least since my Mom was in school. Then idiots came around and changed it. The new one involves foot stomping and turning....and lots of stupid. The rhythm of it s... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 10:40:02 EST Oh July.... Whew....I was not good to myself for the month of July. Looking back at my "How many miles can I bike" log on my Spark page and it was not pretty. It really isn't. I would love to say I'm going to hop right on my bike tonight and start August off better, but the truth is I'll be at a wedding until who knows when and it's pretty likely I'm not going to ride my bike when I get home. We've been roofing and the house is a pig pen. I know that's part of my issue right now. I need my house t... Fri, 1 Aug 2014 08:33:01 EST Sorry stats. July. I apologize. Body, I apologize for the month of July. My stats are terrible. I am pleased that I have managed to avoid gaining weight, so that's something. I am not happy with my cardio for this month, but instead of focusing on that, let me tell you a little story about the girl who couldn't. <BR> <BR> She missed a workout, so she quit. She ate a brownie, so she ate the rest of the pan. She failed to get the dishes done one night, so the next day she didn't do the laundry eithe... Tue, 29 Jul 2014 08:56:08 EST What's your excuse today? Here are my excuses TO exercise today.... <BR> <BR> 1. It makes me feel so much better! <BR> 2. It puts me in a better mood! <BR> 3. It makes me feel a sense of accomplishment! <BR> 4. It helps me release pent up frustration! <BR> 5. I'll be sitting in the room with my bike anyway, might as well put my sitting to good use! <BR> 6. It sets a great example for my son! <BR> 7. It will help me lose weight and feel great about myself! <BR> 8. It doesn't take very long! <BR> 9. I need som... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 08:26:50 EST Always getting back into it... Really, I feel like it's the same old cycle over and over again. I will say that I was only truly "off" for 2 or 3 weeks, much better than the last time which was several months. It's always amazing to me the difference cardio makes in my life. I haven't been sleeping well and wasn't feeling very good either. Sure, I only did 10 minutes last night, but it sure did make a big difference in how I slept and how I felt this morning when I got up. No tossing and turning, I slept like a log, a... Tue, 22 Jul 2014 08:45:06 EST Hello! Hi guys! How's it going? It's great here, thank you for asking. <BR> <BR> Sure, my wrist is still hurting, and my tummy is upset, BUT and this is a big brother is doing great. I cannot believe how strong that man is. He is determined to heal quickly. It seems to me like he's doing just enough, but not more than what he should be doing. Just last night he began to be able to get himself out of bed without assistance! <BR> <BR> Anyway, I need to update about me. Exercise wise... Mon, 21 Jul 2014 08:52:14 EST With one hand tied behind my back.... or on ice. So, I woke up Monday with limited mobility in my dominant wrist. Nice. Got a brace and it is doing better. no dctor yet, too busy. typing one handed isnt easy lol. better update later. Fri, 18 Jul 2014 08:14:43 EST I know it isn't easy... Listen. It isn't. We want it to be. If it were easy we wouldn't learn to grow. I'm not gonna lie, I'm struggling right now. I haven't been exercising and I just ate 3 McDonald's chocolate chip cookies AND a medium fry. <BR> <BR> Am I giving up on myself or my goals? <BR> <BR> No I'm not. <BR> <BR> You know why? <BR> <BR> Because I am better than that. I am bigger than that. I am fabulous, I am fierce, I am determined. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I sat in a waiting room for 9.5 hours whi... Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:17:38 EST Ouch! I have skipped a lot of cardio lately. Yikes! I don't have time to make this a long drawn on post. And really, that isn't necessary. I've straight up been LAZY! I'm glad I've been tracking my daily mileage on my Spark Page because it makes it very noticeable to me. <BR> <BR> My goal for today is simple. Get back on my bike, no excuses. I can do this and will feel better when I do! <BR> <BR> If your slacking off, step it up today! We can do this!!! <BR> <BR> WE ALL ROCK!!! Mon, 14 Jul 2014 09:42:29 EST Gosh, I forgot how cute I am! I was just having a conversation with a coworker about body image and self esteem. She has a nasty scar on her stomach from a surgery she had a year or so ago. When she looks in the mirror all she sees is that scar. How easy it is to say "you just need to get over it". She is a beautiful person and yet she can't see past that scar. I told her a story about my self esteem. I always had low self esteem as a young lady. I had big feet, frizzy hair, coke bottle glasses, scrawny legs, and t... Fri, 11 Jul 2014 10:21:25 EST No bike last night, lots of exercise though! Seriously. A lot. Wore me out. It was definitely an honest days work. My husband is putting a new roof on my house as we speak. Yesterday he was tearing off, so when I got home I spent a good long while loading old shingles into a trailer and then drove it to the dumpster and emptied it in there. Then my Dad an I drug a load of them around the house on a tarp and put those in the dumpster. Then we hauled 12 sheets of sheathing up to the roof! Woof! It was a great workout! It felt go... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:14:02 EST Finding my mojo... It isn't easy once it's been lost. You have to dig deep to find it now. It's there, it's just hidden away in the dark corners of your mind. I stopped and paused for just a moment to allow myself to really feel what it felt like to be without cardio for an entire week. I wanted to listen to my body and really hear what it was telling me. Sure, I was busy and did a lot of running, but I didn't do much actually deliberate exercise. Boy does my body feel it. My neck hurts, my shoulders hur... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 08:37:43 EST A funeral, a long car ride, lots of tears, and a lot of memories... My title says it all. Today is my first day back to work after 10 days of and I am exhausted. I cannot wait to go home and take a nap. I have so many stories from the past 10 days I hardly know where to start. It was a whirl wind week starting with the calling on Friday and funeral on Saturday. I was so tired from crying that Sunday and most of Monday were a wash. We spent Monday trying to figure out if we were going to go somewhere. We had just settled on going to Cedar Point when my ... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 15:12:09 EST Here we go.... Oh oh oh! <BR> <BR> Honestly, I don't have much to say today. It's a big day. It's my last day of work before vacation starts, no I'm not going have to have money to do that, lol. Today is the calling/viewing for my Aunt AND my brother in laws CD release party is tonight. I'm not completely sure I'm going to be up for the CD release party after going to the viewing. Tomorrow is the calling and then I have nothing on my schedule until the 4th of July. <BR> <BR> Hopeful... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 08:50:51 EST Work it girl! I did too. I love when I'm working out and have sweat pouring off my face, dripping off the end of my nose! Makes me feel like I am in control. I'm working hard at improving my speed and I'm still adding one minute a week to my time. I am up to 33 minutes and Sunday I'll bump it up to 34. So yes, last night I had a wonderful workout. My eating yesterday however was not so lovely. I ate an entire snack size bag of honey mustard pretzel pieces and entire snack size bag of snickerdoodle m... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 08:27:45 EST Sweat away the pain That's my new goal this week. Sweat away the pain instead of eat away the pain. I had a wonderful day yesterday, as far as diet goes. Emotionally? Well.....I handled it anyway. Part of my angst is that my Aunt and my Mom are the same age. It scares me something awful. My Momma does not take good care of herself. She doesn't eat right, she doesn't exercise, and she smokes. Urgh. Scares me. And it seems like more and more people around me have cancer. Cancer sucks. <BR> <BR> Anyway... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 08:55:00 EST If I ever doubted before... There is none now. I have a problem. I use food for comfort. I know this is not uncommon. I am far from the only person who has this problem. BUT, I do have this problem. Back when I first lost my weight this wasn't a problem for me. My habits were so ingrained that it would have taken a a huge effort on my part to depart from them for even a day. Now not so much. For instance. I happen to love Aldi's chicken/cranberry salad. So I stopped and bought me a container. When I got home... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 08:36:55 EST Well.... She's gone. My Aunt I mean. She passed last night. I love her a lot and it's hard to imagine a world without her. I know life goes on. At least we knew this was going to happen in advance and we've been able to shower her with love. Just Friday night they had her outside and set off fireworks for her. Do yourself a favor and hold your love ones extra tight tonight and give the ones you haven't talked to in a while a call. <BR> <BR> <em>220</em> Mon, 23 Jun 2014 08:26:24 EST Skipping cardio is becoming old hat... There is no faster way for me to pile on the pounds then to start skipping my cardio. That's exactly what I have been doing this week. For various reasons as some as you might know. One day because I'm lazy, one day because I'm said, and last night because I didn't get home until very late and was going off of very little sleep from the night before due to my little one being scared of the thunder. I know it's an excuse, but I couldn't have gotten on that bike last night if you tied me to... Fri, 20 Jun 2014 08:24:57 EST Rough day yesterday... It was a rough day. An emotional day. And I'm an emotional eater. I did well with my food. I managed not to eat outside of my schedule snacks and meals which is really a big deal for me. Typically when I feel like this I get over it by stopping at the store on the way home and buying junk food, which I proceed to finish before I walk through the door 35 minutes later, and hide the evidence in the car. This time I was just down all night. I felt like I just couldn't get off the couch. ... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 08:21:42 EST Getting over the hump It isn't easy. In fact it can be downright depressing. It is so frustrating and in the past (since I gained my weight back) I have simply given up. That hill just seemed so steep. I'd get to peak and wouldn't have enough in me for that little push over the top. <BR> <BR> This time seems different. I have gotten frustrated, many of you probably figured that out from my last blog. This time though, instead of giving up, I just put my head down and pushed forward. I listened to my body a... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 10:03:44 EST Frustrated... Yeah. I'll admit it. I am frustrated. The weight is not coming off like I expected. I feel like I am working very hard and have made big changes in how I eat. Yet the weight just refuses to budge. <BR> <BR> That being said, I am not one for histrionics. I know that if I keep working hard and pushing forward I will eventually see progress. Also, I am quite aware that there are people who really can't lose weight. My weight did go down this week, though not as much as I would have li... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 08:32:18 EST I keep going.... I keep working hard. I keep pushing forward. Every day it comes a little easier. Last night I got home so late, I didn't want to ride my bike, I just wanted to go to bed. Guess what? I did it anyway. I pushed through and did it. And it wasn't really that hard. I am proud of myself. Now if I can really fix up my eating habits. <BR> <BR> Hope you have a great weekend. <BR> <BR> WE ALL ROCK!!! Fri, 13 Jun 2014 08:10:18 EST Updates Good morning. I hope you are having a good start to your day. I am a little groggy today because I keep getting to bed late, but I have grand plans to into bed early tonight. <BR> <BR> I am so pleased with my cardio sessions. I am getting better and faster all the time. It is becoming part of my routine now which is a great relief. <BR> <BR> My food intake is definitely improving. This is the hardest for me because I am so weak when it comes to food. I've had to eat fast food a co... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 08:31:15 EST The memories The memories will sustain us long after you are gone. The bright light we have always known will never truly extinguish. It will shine on in the memories we have of you. We will always see your loving smile. We will always feel your kind touch. We will always hear you in our hearts. We will always smell you in the flowers and fresh cut green grass. We will always know your love. Our memories surround us, floating on butterfly wings and glittering on moon beams. A million tiny twinkli... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 09:49:56 EST Every Beat When the wind dies down there is only the ticking of the clock to keep me company. There are no birds chirping, no rain twinkling, no sun sizzling on the pavement. I wonder at the quietness of it all, even my breath is barely discernible. What I do hear, albeit internally, is every pounding beat of my heart in my chest. The continual and steady thump of every beat is alarming in the sense that it seems to be the background noise to impending doom. If I close my eyes I can very nearly env... Tue, 10 Jun 2014 08:28:49 EST Right on cue I worked hard this weekend. We got some projects done, or mostly done anyway. I did exercise every day. I got to golf with my husband and brother in law. We all stink in case you're wondering. I didn't know I was going to be golfing so I did not have the appropriate foot wear. So I may have golfed bare footed, don't judge me! lol. Got to swim at the lake this weekend. I am determined to build up my stamina this year. I used to be able to swim laps like no ones business, but man I ti... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 09:00:27 EST Feeling tired, but hopeful That pretty much sums it up in 4 simple words. I feel so sleepy this morning and I have a little headache right above my left eye that keeps coming and going in short painful bursts. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful job that includes health coaching. I happen to have a wonderful patient coming in for a session today and I feel very hopeful. I can't wait to hear about her progress and to find out what's been going on in her life since we last spoke. <BR> <BR> Anyway, Have a wonderfu... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 08:04:48 EST Stress...what I do about it Stress. Ugh. I hate stress. I swear I turn into an animal when I am stressed. I don't know that I show it outwardly, but on the inside I turn into a raging lunatic lion who has clearly had nothing to eat in months. The land has dried up and all of the prey has evacuated the immediate area. For me the crowning glory of stress is that moment food becomes available to the lion. All hell breaks loose and chaos reigns supreme. There is nothing, NOTHING sacred to the lion. He will eat anyt... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 08:33:48 EST My swan... Once upon a time there was this swan named Heather. Heather thought she was the prettiest swan in the lake. And she was. She held her head high and swam from end to end. She knew every nook and cranny of her home. She preened and fluffed her feathers. She stretched her neck as high as it would go. She knew that no other creature in that lake could match her beauty and grace. <BR> <BR> One day as Heather was floating in her favorite area of the lake, right beneath a beautiful willow tr... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 08:40:00 EST I'm not bitter or anything... So....what am I bitter about you ask? did you know I was bitter? I distinctly remember saying I wasn't bitter. <BR> <BR> It's stupid. It's childish. It's immature. Whatever (accompanied by a very dramatic eye roll). <BR> <BR> I've been using SparkPeople for a lot of years. I have very much enjoyed writing blogs. I love to write and this gives me a wonderful outlet. I like that people who know me don't read them, for the most part. It's embarassing to have someone read, w... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 08:21:31 EST It's not motivation I need, it's determination... I have motivation in spades. I have a million reasons why I want to lose weight, why I should lose weight, why I need to lose weight, and why I have to lose weight. Really, I do. I'm guessing you do too. <BR> <BR> I'll name just a few. <BR> <BR> 1. To lower my blood pressure. <BR> 2. To improve my overall heart health. <BR> 3. To feel better. <BR> 4. To be able to do all the things I want to do. <BR> 5. To set a good example for my son. <BR> 6. To buy cute clothes. <BR> 7. To im... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 08:38:23 EST