BKPKRTAILS's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=BKPKRTAILS BKPKRTAILS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 2 days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5886368 Two days! That's all I need to commit to. As long as I get through the first 2 days of a challenge, I can do anything. If I focus on this, I think I can be a lot more successful with my goals. I get so caught up with changing everything forever that it overwhelms me and causes me to give up and give in to what is comfortable. I just need an alternative for when things get uncomfortable and I get the urge to eat or do things I don't want to. Tue, 3 Mar 2015 16:20:30 EST My vision http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876981 What is my vision for my ideal state of being? I have been trying to open my mind and think about where I want to be. I feel like there is something holding my back from envisioning and living out that state and I have to break through it. Here are a few things I would like to say about myself and my life. <BR> <BR> - I am a source of inspiration for friends and family <BR> - I am almost always smiling <BR> - I exude positive energy, and others feel good around me <BR> - I am strong-wille... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 19:46:14 EST I can do this http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5874202 I always forget how powerful my thoughts can be, and my conviction that I can accomplish something. I have been stuck in this spiral of negative thinking where I always assume I will revert to my old habits. I need to create a vision of life without depending on food for comfort and believe in that vision so much that I make it happen. Be what you want to be, right? So I think I will put together what the ideal me would be and try to be that every day as much as I can. I know I am strong... Thu, 12 Feb 2015 00:21:29 EST It is time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5869708 It is finally time to commit to change. I know what I want and have been afraid to make the commitment to get there. I need to go for it! I want mental clarity, I want to glow from the inside out, and I want to be the best version of myself. I need to let go of dependence on things - sugar, procrastination, other distractions - to cover up my fear of failure. I just need to do it! Life requires risk-taking and challenging yourself. Nothing great is won easily. It is time to really com... Wed, 4 Feb 2015 22:54:10 EST Birthday Gift http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5373851 My birthday is a month from now. I will be 24. This year has been an interesting one, if not dramatic. I'd like to take a moment to reflect on what has and hasn't changed this past year. <BR> <BR> Last July I was just ending my few months of being a crossfitter in exchange for getting myself outside more. I will admit I relied and have relied heavily on a special friend of mine to get my butt outside and trying new things, but ultimately I have done it. I climbed 6, almost 8 "14ers", di... Fri, 31 May 2013 16:28:38 EST Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5291742 This may be a long one. A lot of things have been going on lately that have been pushing me towards really taking a step back and looking at where I'm headed and where I want to be headed. I think it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day drama of work, chores, relationships and not have a good grasp on where you stand amidst everything. A lot of the time I feel like I'm moving forward but then when I take into account where I am I really haven't made large strides toward anything in pa... Mon, 18 Mar 2013 22:45:43 EST Life Re-focus http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5261078 It's been a few months since I last posted on here. I got into a great groove, keeping extremely busy with winter mountaineering, ice climbing, and tons of activities that burned so many calories I didn't even need to worry about my diet. Keeping so busy also made me really happy and I didn't have the need to binge on junk. Everything was great through Christmas but once I came back to work I hit an emotional rough patch from some silly drama and the food issues returned. Luckily I was doi... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 13:21:44 EST Day 9, Almost 1 month http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5126252 I just realized I have been actively using this website for almost a month. I've tried using it in the past and have definitely not stuck with it this long. One of the things blogging has done is help me really reflect on what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling throughout the day. Things I've discovered about myself- <BR> <BR> 1. I am actually afraid of letting go of sweets & binging. I can't really explain it but I know that every time I think about not eating things again I have this min... Tue, 6 Nov 2012 14:07:53 EST Day 8? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5125022 The past 2 weeks have been a haze but I have done pretty well all things considered. I haven't written on my blog because I haven't been at work in a week. <BR> <BR> My boyfriend came into town 2 weekends ago to start off the craziness and we did pretty well considering our normal desire to eat EVERYTHING sweet when we see each other. The only flop we really had was getting half a Whole Foods pumpkin pie which tasted delicious but made us feel horribly sick. We still got in a solid hike ... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 14:45:28 EST Day 7- Pretty good http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5113892 I managed to overcome my terrible morning feelings yesterday and turn it into a pretty great day. I saw the perfectly blue sky outside, crisp air and the perfect blanket of white snow and was randomly inspired to go on a run at lunch. It turned into a 6.5 mile sprint! I was so exhilarated by the cold air and pent up energy from not exercising. After work I bought a membership to the gym right here and did a quick strength workout that made me realize how weak and sluggish I have become. ... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 16:30:13 EST Day 6 needs a lift http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5112365 Very frustrated this morning- for the 3rd time this week I did not wake myself up in time to get to the gym. Granted it was the first big snow of the year last night- 8 inches on my car! But it is so demoralizing to have it happen over and over and over. I guess I need to try something new if I really want to be successful. Maybe set an alarm in another room? Once I'm out of bed it's not a problem. I think subconsciously I also get nervous about dealing with the snow that early since I ... Thu, 25 Oct 2012 11:26:47 EST Day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5111171 I am definitely learning through this exercise. Yesterday went from great to a frustrating end but only because of my attitude. I was too tired from the previous day's exercise to do get up in the morning and then my evening workout was spoiled due to having to look at housing. After that I could have come home and immediately done some kind of workout but I let the stress get the best of me- and Yes it was a a conscious choice I made although I let myself feel like I was a victim. The ni... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 11:49:38 EST Day 4 Holiday Challenge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5109848 Yesterday was a successful day. I was able to get up in the morning and get a workout in, AND got myself out to the night run with a group I've been wanting to run with. It was so nice! <BR> <BR> This morning I was a bit exhausted from yesterday unfortunately and didn't get up in time to exercise. I need to make sure I get to bed on time but I've been in the middle of figuring out housing & planning for 2 weeks of hectic-ness due to people visiting and me flying out of state for work. My... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 11:43:49 EST Day 3 holiday challenge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5108301 Technically it's been 5 days, but this is my 3rd work day so that's what I count. This weekend was successful although it was on the edge of failure. On Saturday did a fun hike with 2 friends that was a butt-kicker- 6 miles with 2-3,000 ft elevation gain. Then had a good brunch. Sunday, my climbing plans were thrown off because of a hand injury and I was so close to doing nothing and having a terrible day, but I got myself out and on a bike ride that ended up being just over 20 miles with... Mon, 22 Oct 2012 11:13:57 EST Day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5104940 Yesterday I succeeded in 2 of my 3 goals, but I still call it a win. I didn't exercise before noon but I did do almost 3 hours of climbing after work. Of course I didn't climb the entire time, I belayed and walked and everything, but that's still an improvement from nothing! I managed to avoid the onslaught of unhealthy foods at work and got excited about the holidays and looking and feeling great! <BR> <BR> Today again I could not wake up in the morning. Ever since I switched my comfort... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 12:32:57 EST Day 1 H.C. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5103676 My motivation for day 1! I will update later when I have achieved my 3 goals for the day- no free junk food at work, 40 mins exercise before mid-day, getting excited about the holidays for reasons other than food! <BR> <BR> Motivation: One of my favorite things about winter is flannel- wearing flannel shirts and leggings and feeling cozy and rustic. However, I do not like wearing flannel if I feel flubby and out of shape and unhappy with myself- it just makes me feel like more of a mess and... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 11:34:30 EST Holiday Challenge! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5102744 This year I have decided I will do a holiday challenge. The holidays are the most challenging time of the year for me. Some of the challenges I typically face are: <BR> <BR> 1. Food at work - my company ALWAYS has sweets on hand during the holidays. Candy at every turn, people bringing in their own baked goods to share, special company events revolving around desserts, etc. etc. It is by far the most challenging time at work and there is really no way to divert myself from even seeing the... Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:59:56 EST Come on sunshine! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5101318 Last night was an absolute low for me. When I got home I felt completely drained from the junk I had polluted myself with earlier in the day and couldn't get out of my brain fog. I tried to go to bed early but fell asleep before I had the chance to change. My cat attacked me & that just set me off into a miserable exhausted self-pity party. It seems to go in waves where things will build up and finally just release into one of these moments and then I'll feel a million times better when i... Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:44:47 EST Today deserves 2 blogs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5100107 I saw it coming, completely. Last night I was thinking over the challenges for the week and I knew that our company would have tons of food & leftovers because of events for the week, and in my head I half committed to not eating the junk. But part of me knew I probably would anyway. And guess what? I did! Ugh. That's what gets to me more than anything, that part of me doesn't want to succeed or doesn't want it ENOUGH to give up little things like that. I need faith that I will change ... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 15:17:21 EST Magical Mondays.. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5099797 Week is starting out a little rough because of a big board meeting at work. Our company is incredible at buying the least nutritious food for guests that come to visit, and of course all of the meetings today are right next to my office, meaning the food is right next to my office. I need to be strong and not eat the leftovers! I also forgot my headphones and unfortunately will have to listen to the meeting on-goings all day making it very difficult to concentrate! Ran a little late this ... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 11:38:50 EST Long Sunday- ready for next week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5099230 Had my climbing class all day today. I've realized I love meeting and talking to new people. It's kind of funny since I've always thought of myself as an introverted person. I seem to thrive off of learning about other people's experiences and ideas though. <BR> <BR> Anyway, did well until we went to sushi after as a group & cravings began. A friend of mine does this thing where she and her boyfriend only have dessert on Sunday but it's a special event where they do something different e... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 22:46:17 EST Me Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5098189 Getting my entry in for the day just a little late. Last night was looking to be a potentially negative night for me but I succeeded in getting myself out of my apartment and to the climbing gym. It turned out to be a great night- I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in a while and got to introduce some people and have a nice dinner later. This morning I managed to run almost 12 miles after barely running at all recently. Now I am sore, but proud that I did it! Had a nice brunch with frie... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 00:26:50 EST Push Through http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5096669 Yesterday wasn't as successful as my second day. My plans changed in the afternoon when I needed to go meet some people I was potentially looking to move in with. We went to BJ's, not the best place for healthy choices! I barely ate anything- the girl I met ordered chips and spinach dip & calamari, but the little fried food I did eat was enough to spark a major craving. Plus, the lack of a real dinner made me VERY weak motivationally on my way home. The result- minor junk binge. Enough ... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 16:09:11 EST Feeling fresh! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5095117 Thank goodness. I got out of my depressing rut of exhaustion and ran last night! It felt horrible at first but by the end of the 5 miles I was feeling more like my old self. It's comforting at least to know that I can pump out 5 miles without much effort even without really training. With my exercise added in I burned more than I took in which is a great start! I even turned down the free pizza after our run and went home to eat my own food. Small wins. This morning I wasn't able to wa... Thu, 11 Oct 2012 10:37:02 EST It begins http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5093924 I have never been very good at being consistent with blog entries, so this month that is one of my main focuses so that I'm forced to think about what I'm doing and how I feel every day. Today is the first day for me to actively make positive choices throughout my day. Too often I get caught up in the All or Nothing or Instant Gratification frames of mind where I expect to have everything "fixed" and how I want it within a few days. This always sets me up for failure because fixing lifelon... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:37:13 EST About time for a Comeback http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5092930 The past few years I have lived in a haze of obsessive thoughts about food and exercise. I have had a few brilliant small periods of complete satisfaction and success, but they have always ended in panicky fear of reverting to my norm of frustration and shame at my inability to keep it up. It has finally come to a point where I have to commit to permanent change. My life is being greatly affected by this rollercoaster of frustration and I SO want to be one of the success stories featured h... Tue, 9 Oct 2012 16:17:21 EST