BIKINGTOLEAN's SparkPeople Blog BIKINGTOLEAN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community a few cals here and a few cals there make a 2400 cal total EXCUSE MY SLOPPY WRITING AND MY "SCREAMING" THIS IS BRAIN DUMP <BR> <BR> Yesterday i went "downtown" <BR> <BR> I had an exam so I went to college to take that exam then I stopped to have lunch... <BR> <BR> <BR> I was hungry and I didn't listen to the voice saying go ahead have that poor choice, the sandwiches, the shnitzels etc... Instead I convinced myself that the chicken salad is got had an undressed chicken salad, dressing on the side, in was a generous salad portion and a satisfyin... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 04:01:14 EST Shabbat fears I am an orthodox Jew an I keep the shabbat. <BR> which means...among other things like gathering with friends and family, enjoying a leasurly time, also disconnecting from things like the computer, electronics, writing, ...etc <BR> <BR> Which means I can't eat a bit and come log it on sparkspeople to get a gist of what I am doing. <BR> <BR> It means that I can have lunch and I can't really gauge how much I ate... I can guesstimate but I still doubt myself, I have many voices that tell me I... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 15:05:35 EST I am scared and the blood test results confirm it. Recently I have been thinking about death a lot. <BR> Not because I live in the middle east,.. that is another story. <BR> <BR> But because, the other day, I realized that I am 29, morbidly obese and walking up the stairs makes me loose my breath. Like completely. <BR> <BR> The other day I walked up the stairs and I realized that I can have a heart attack. And I wouldn't be surprised. I actually imagined the ambulance coming and me almost dying and then surviving the rest of my life with... Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:08:24 EST First visit to a nutritionist, euh, make that 4th or 5th I ve been to a few nutritionists in my life, but this is the first time I go to one here in Israel. She speaks English which I am happy about.... <BR> <BR> Sigh... update after I meet with her. Thu, 17 Jul 2014 03:01:59 EST Fast day today Today coincides with a Jewish fast day. It is a fast day commemorating the destruction of the temples that used to stand in Jerusalem. <BR> There is a lot of serious things going on in my life and it is making me loose appetite, which means that eating 1600 cal a day is not driving me crazy and I can't even bring myself to eat more. Which is good because 1600 is the maximum on my daily calories range. <BR> <BR> I am thinking about all the serious stuff happening in the world. Syria especial... Tue, 15 Jul 2014 01:59:46 EST Voices in my head This is an interview that Dr Aviva Romm did. <BR> <BR><BR>cwo <BR> <BR> She preaches a philosophy where illnesses aren't seen as separate from the person, rather that nutrition and overall emotional and physical health is what makes a person so a healthcare professional aught to look at the whole. <BR> <BR> Thank Gd I don't suffer from anything serious, I have sometimes back pain and sometimes knee pain that goes away whenever I exercise. <BR> <BR... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 03:36:30 EST Who am I doing this for? Am I doing this to get approval from my sisters about the way I look ( they are models, ok- they look like models) ? <BR> <BR> Am I doing this so that my daughter, 3 years old now, has a good role model to follow? <BR> <BR> Am I doing this so I can try and get pregnant again? since I promised myself not to go through pregnancy again with so much weight on my back? <BR> <BR> Why am I doing this? <BR> <BR> Biking to lean, can you please be honest with yourself? <BR> <BR> Is it you that ma... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 15:10:06 EST It has been 3 weeks... 3 weeks ago I decided to make the smallest effort possible towards gaining my health, I knew that I had to start small,, as small as I can handle. Because I have the worst illogical anti health demon inside of my brain that can talk me out of anything, I decided to do something so small my brain wouldn't even notice. <BR> <BR> I ve been keeping it up since, it has been a pleasure I must say. I am DYING to go on the scale and measure but I know I shouldn't, I might throw away the scale. But ... Tue, 6 May 2014 15:58:27 EST I don't know nothing, I am a complete beginner That is what I tell myself, I am honestly tired of pretending that I know the answer to " How am I going to loose weight and when? When am I going to just let go and eat healthy and normal? When am I going to stop eating like this? When am I going to stop obsessing about food and eating like there is no tomorrow? <BR> <BR> I am tired of thinking, I think I want to shut my brain and stop thinking, I am so hard on myself and my mind cripples me in so many ways. I want to go to the pool tonigh... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 05:40:14 EST Post vacation recap :-) I took off work, my husband, my baby and I rented a car and went on a road trip. <BR> <BR> I was very nervous about calorie count but now I realize that as long as I keep healthy snacks available and eat often I can tame the eating monster inside of me. <BR> I couldn't count my calories, and I may have exceeded my daily dose, but the monster was tamed and I experienced much less food related anxiety ( omg I am going to be starving later if I don't fill myself now!" We even went to a nice ste... Sun, 12 Aug 2012 06:34:09 EST Binge...long rant ahead. I am trying to make sense of how it happened... I binged! <BR> The good news are : I still continued to log my binge (tracker) even though I don't have exact numbers and it is not as terrible as I thought it was. <BR> The bad news are: I am still sorting how how I binged, what was the trigger... so here is an attempt. <BR> <BR> I am very stressed out, I felt very tense yesterday, it is worse today and even worse tomorrow because of an event(...) happening tomorrow. <BR> I also was craving a... Wed, 1 Aug 2012 17:07:00 EST Guess who won a Sparks people exercise DVD??? That is right! I did! I love Coach Nicole! <BR> On a different note I have done so far 6 days of tracking my calories! IMPRESSIVE !! <em>224</em> One more day and my goal is met for this week. <BR> <BR> Shabbat as I said is a bit of an issue...Scroll down to skip the menu and read further <BR> <BR> **Shabbat menu** <BR> PS: we are having 4 guests, you are welcome too! <BR> <BR> Appetizer: *salmon with soy/ginger glaze <BR> <BR> Main: <BR> *Sesame Chicken ( recipe from here! much less ... Thu, 26 Jul 2012 16:14:24 EST I exceeded my calories and it is still 4:21 pm!!!! or did I?? I was SO bummed to day, I logged everything and then I looked down, and I am over by 100 the limit!! <BR> OMG!! What did I doooo!!!! Maybe I should do like the 1st day all I ate was green lettuce??? Oh noooo!!! I almost started crying until I noticed a handful of cashews ( from a previous day) embedded by mistake in today's food entries. <BR> <BR> I deleted it and WOOOT I STILL HAVE 451 - 651 cals left!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> See that is how clueless I am about calories...I have no intuition ... Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:32:51 EST Panicking about food... I am thinking at the rate of a 1000 miles per hour about my food choices and my calories intake in the next few days. <BR> See, I just started counting calories this week, it is going great and I am crawling my way through it. <BR> <BR> However Friday and Saturday is my sabbath, it is an amazing day of rest, all the family gathers, we go to communal prayer, meet friends and neighbors. <BR> During sabbath there are many things I can't do ( in order to make room for things I can do like con... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 17:09:15 EST 2 days within calorie range. Today is day two of staying withing the calorie range. <BR> I am not very scared of failing, I just need to plan plan and plan some more. I realized the more prepared I am the less vulnerable I am to urges of binging and eating the wrong stuff. <BR> <BR> So Here I am preparing my menu for tomorrow Tue, 24 Jul 2012 03:41:32 EST I love Sparskpeople I love this tool, I love knowing I am not alone... <BR> Being so fat is lonely, I always thought that no one else thinks the way I do, no one else also feels too hot and uncomfortable while everyone else seems "ok" in the heat. I thought I was the only one who avoided social scenes just because I didn't feel good about myself. I thought I was the only one who can't stop thinking about food all day long. <BR> <BR> I love the support I have here, I love that I am not alone. Mon, 23 Jul 2012 16:51:18 EST back on I started at 230, I lost 8 + lbs within a month, then I fell off the wagon BIG TIME, I weighed myself last night....142 lbs O_O <BR> I am shocked because I fell off the wagon for a month ...I was 142 when I was preggy a year ago, never since then until now... <BR> Anyhow I am restarting this time not with exercise but with measuring every bit of what I eat, yup, exercise is not going to be my priority because I want to change the way I eat ( a habit I already have hehe yes eating) rather than... Sun, 22 Jul 2012 07:08:38 EST You won't believe how much I know about nutrition...yet the idea of counting calories is as perplexing, nerve wracking and scary to me as a math test during reagents ( I am not from NY). <BR> <BR> Wait...what does that mean? Like I wake up in the morning, I boil water and then...PANICK!!! GAHSP FOR AIR!!! CALORIE COUNT ALERT!!! SH***!! does water have calories... I am sweating and shaking!!! I need to breath.. oh no!!!! <BR> <BR> BLACKOUT. <BR> <BR> Yeah, I took nutrition in college and got an A. Thu, 12 Jul 2012 14:42:53 EST How I fell off the wagon. IT is a fight everyday, a fight to wake up, a fight to make time for workout and a fight to even think about calories counting ( I haven't even tackled that one yet). <BR> <BR> I fought, I fought again, I started recognizing the "voice" that tells me , this is just too hard you need a break, this is just too hard and anyway you have other priorities and you need to take care of OTHERS, remember you are the VICTIM and you can't escape it because it is convenient to be the victim. <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 14:36:04 EST Today I got so upset I wanted a bucket of ice cream. I had just left the grocery store, my 1 yo was inconsolable, the groceries were too heavy, I was so stressed out, thirsty, tired and thinking about the 10 next to do things I still had to take care of. All I wanted is something to calm me: French fries I though, no! too many calories and why waste money on something I can make home. Ok fine, chocolate chip muffins ( I even walked into the bakery). NO! You know you just want them to feel better, pick something else! Ok fine, hm, maybe flowers!... Tue, 22 May 2012 05:38:36 EST evening workout Today was a very busy day and I knew days ago I won't have time to workout till 9, the question is, do I or do I not workout at 9? <BR> HA!!!! <BR> DONNNNEEEE! <BR> 30 minutes fitness= 20 cardio kickbox and 10 from the bikini challenge DONE! <BR> WOOOT! Sat, 19 May 2012 17:33:53 EST My goals- revamped: Week 1 <BR> Exercise 30 min a day <BR> Week 2 <BR> Exercise 30 min a day <BR> Do not eat past 9 pm <BR> Week 3 <BR> Exercise 30 min a day <BR> Do not eat past 9 pm <BR> Measure dinner with a scale twice this week!! <BR> Week4 <BR> Exercise 30 min a day <BR> Do not eat past 9 pm <BR> Measure dinner with a scale 2 times this week ( different food) <BR> <BR> Thu, 17 May 2012 18:25:03 EST What should I reward myself? My goal is 50 lbs but I have a few goals in between of course: <BR> <BR> **1 week of continuous exercise: 1 outfit: bottom and top <BR> <BR> **2 weeks of no eating after 9 pm ( there is a reason to the madness, I work weird hours): Date with husband to restaurant downtown. <BR> <BR> **2 weeks no sugar -None at all that is: Bialetti Coffee Maker. <BR> <BR> **50 lbs lost: I dunno? Ideas? <BR> <BR> **70 lbs lost: PARIS!!! Wed, 16 May 2012 03:07:27 EST