BIGPAWSUP's SparkPeople Blog BIGPAWSUP's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Spark issues I had hoped to do a long blog to explain my comments earlier in the week. But as usual my plans are not working. Perhaps I’m just being sentimental or maybe I’m getting older but the log and the short is I’m not finding Spark (program not people) as “friendly” anymore. I can’t get things to work (Fitbit link up, adding foods, friend feed). I’m stuck using the app most days as I rarely have access to a computer. And I’ve never been a fan of the app. Basically I’m just having so much frust... Sat, 12 May 2018 17:48:11 EST Easter/April Fools and a hopeful goal for the day Well - Happy Easter! And April Fools?!?! This is going to test me today. I love to be silly and pranking used to be a way of life in our family. <BR> <BR> However, mom is gone and dad now wears a leash and muzzle (thanks to his new wife) so pranking is not allowed UNLESS "she" does it. If "she" pranks you, that's fine. If we do ANYTHING to upset, embarrass her it gets nasty. So, today will be more about keeping myself "in line" and getting thought the evening dinner without a fight. ... Sun, 1 Apr 2018 12:11:49 EST I almost missed March! I just looked and just realized that I didn't blog once in March. I really want to be here daily and blog at least weekly. I know I can do this so what the H3LL is my problem? <BR> <BR> I look for blame everywhere but I know the reasons rest with me. I've lost my faith in myself. That is a hard thing to get back. It's different for confidence. Confidence I have in spades! Faith, that unshaking, unwaivering KNOWLEDGE of something that you can't prove or put your finger on. I've been m... Sat, 31 Mar 2018 15:59:43 EST Bad reaction to stress Well my stress reaction tonight was to have brownies and wine for dinner tonight. Not the best choice I could have made. <BR> <BR> I'm not going into it because that is just re-living a bad day. I not going to do that. I'm just going to admit to a very bad decision tonight and not be mad at myself. I need to accept that I have not had the best coping strategies lately. I need to accept this, not be upset, and do better the next time. <BR> <BR> The next day I have like today (and I KNO... Wed, 28 Feb 2018 20:35:28 EST Yup still trying/realizations Ever just let your mind THINK. I mean, just let it do it's thing ans see where the ride takes you? <BR> <BR> I was doing that today and came to a few discoveries. <BR> <BR> 1) I really want to be more active here on Spark. I was having fun when I was here all the time and I was making progress I was proud of. I don't know what keeps me away. I just don't - lazy is probably my issue. <BR> <BR> 2) My only real regrets in life are when I have listened to "people" and made decision based ... Fri, 23 Feb 2018 14:59:19 EST So, here I go again?!? So, I'm really trying to get started agin. I realize I had all my success before because I had my attitude in the right space. So that is where I need to start. Posting funny pictures and making "promises" isn't gong to do me any good. <BR> <BR> I was yapping with my hubby earlier and I came to a huge realization. See, for some ridiculous reason, I've been "pretending to care" about what people around me think of me lately. I need to explain, see in all reality I've never really cared w... Mon, 5 Feb 2018 19:43:27 EST WOW- gave myself a kick Hubby has a client today (normally he doesn't work on Saturdays but this one was a special exception). So I'm looking for something to do for around an hour. I was going to listen to some music on YouTube and play some majong. I know - how exciting! <BR> <BR> I starting listening to Shatter Me (more on this song upcoming). I found myself rocking back and forth with tears coming out of my eyes! I started to chalk it up to just how much I love the song when I remembered a blog I started Y... Sat, 3 Feb 2018 21:28:38 EST Good-bye 2017 Well, today is the last day of 2017. The year has been interesting for lack of a better word. I need to let it go and look forward to the potential of 2018. <BR> <BR> I've been promised changes at my job by my bosses in 2018. There was a time I "liked" my job but there have been issues this year. I almost left in August. I was asked to stay and now am being told that the situation will "improve soon". I'm gong to be hopeful and positive. <BR> <BR> My personal life has been a roller co... Sun, 31 Dec 2017 15:36:53 EST Oops - MIA I've been MIA lately! Sorry about that. Work is just so busy. I've just been getting home and "CRASH". <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Fri, 8 Dec 2017 20:58:33 EST Because <img src=""> Mon, 4 Dec 2017 19:25:35 EST Chicago Tardis 2017 I didn't get a change to blog about Chicago Tardis last week. Friday through Sunday I got to spend with several of my childhood heroes! I thought meeting 3 of the mend who played the Doctor would be the high point, and while there were fantastic the companions made the weekend for me. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I really seemed to hit it off with Sophie Aldred (She played Ace in the late 80's). I know it is t... Sun, 3 Dec 2017 19:25:14 EST Quick Check In I'm just giving a quick check in. I really need to get more active here again. <BR> <BR> Wishing everyone a very happy and fun Thanksgiving. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 23 Nov 2017 11:11:55 EST Rained out Well, Wickedly Whiting was rained out. No make-up, almost no one on main street, and it just keeps raining. Usually we walk around all day (always a GREAT "step" day). But hubby already has a cough and we were getting soaked in just 20 minutes. So we are home with nothing to do else planned to do. POUT! <BR> <BR> Oh well, things could be worse. I'm just being a brat. I know that. <BR> <BR> So have time for some fun: <BR> <BR> <img src=" Sat, 14 Oct 2017 16:24:07 EST I'm older than I think We did end up making it last night. Hubby is going to the doctor hopefully today or tomorrow. He was determined to go and spent a lot of time sitting down (thankfully we had seats and not SRO). <BR> <BR> Hubby and I were laughing on the way out that we were going to be the old people at this one. When we got there and looked around the crowd I laughed at the amount of "grey pony-tails". Seems rock-n-roll has aged a bit! <BR> <BR> Halestorm was fantastic. I danced and sang the whole ti... Thu, 5 Oct 2017 10:40:25 EST What a week! Ok, so not quite a week - 5 days. Chinese curse - May you live in interesting times. I've been up and down more often and faster than a roller coaster. <BR> <BR> Friday - I had the memorial for Jackie (beauty-within here). It was so surreal. Looking at photo's and such. How does a 36 year old woman just drop dead? I know there were health issues but my mind just won't wrap around it. However, I do rely on my beliefs and I know she has crossed to the other side. She was a good person ... Wed, 4 Oct 2017 12:07:42 EST I got up?!? Well, I did it. I took the girls for a short walk after work. Right now, that is huge for me. I got home from work, pulled out the leashes and we walked for about 30 minutes. <BR> <BR> Gypsy and Dizzy are sleep. Tazzy is trying to figure out why we are home already. <BR> <BR> So one small victory. Yeah! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 28 Sep 2017 19:29:42 EST Dizzy I've had a few people who said they didn't know Dizzy. So here is the snort-y little brat that we call the "pig bull" <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> We got her to be a playmate for Tazzy as Gypsy is just too old now. She is little miss sensitive and has really helped me get through my depression. <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 26 Sep 2017 21:54:46 EST Not a rhythm yet but . . . Well, my phone died over night so I didn't get my wake up this am. I should be up by 7, rolled over at 8:30. Now, there was a time not too long ago I would have chucked the whole day. Would have "blown" it and just gave in. <BR> <BR> It took me a few hours to get my act together but I did get the girls out for over 30 minutes. Gypsy had a hard time but Taz and Diz were fine. I now have 3 sleepy dogs. <BR> <BR> I hit 10K steps yesterday. My legs are paying for it. So not used to that ... Sun, 24 Sep 2017 13:24:00 EST Reasons and Today First, thanks for the welcome back. I have to admit I was a bit nervous. <BR> <BR> I'm not going into it but when I left things were in a really bad place for me. I fell into a horrible depression and couldn't even think about getting out. <BR> <BR> Then I got a call. I didn't call back but I played the message over and over and over and over. It was a buddy worried about me. <BR> <BR> Then I got a letter. I didn't open it. My negative self image had it as a nasty gram. <BR> <BR> ... Sat, 23 Sep 2017 09:55:08 EST Hope Coming back here is hope. Hope that I might still have friends here. Hope that I can reclaim a life that I actually want to live. Hope that I can find a life without fear again. Hope that the best of my life is not behind me. <BR> <BR> Hope. Fri, 22 Sep 2017 20:13:58 EST Time Off I was ready to write my withdrawal from Spark. I had the baseline down. I had already written a good-bye to one of my teams and I posted it yesterday. Then the notes and emails and phone calls started. <BR> <BR> I guess I should share the reasons I was leaving. The basics are that I'm in a downward spiral. I'm physically sick all the time with chronic conditions that doctors can’t/won’t help with. My weight is back to where I started. I'm emotionally spent - I'd like to say how I’m fe... Sat, 16 Jan 2016 14:31:41 EST 1/1/16 Day 1 of the restart Actually took the girls out walking today. It was only 40 minutes and we made about 2 miles but it was a start. I'm gonna call it a win. I was up, outside, and moving. That is more than I’ve done the entire month of December. <BR> <BR> Tazzy was extremely excited to have her roll as personal trainer back. I think she took it a bit too seriously. I can’t say I actually walked the whole two miles, I think I skijored about 1/2 a mile. Gypsy was very unhappy about the pace but we had a go... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 21:53:44 EST 2015 - No review, not worth it. Well I had quite the blog written. B*tch, moan, whine and complain about everything that has gone to hell in a hand basket this past year. <BR> <BR> But that's not what I want to be. Long story short. Eating has been bad. Exercise worse. Weight is way up, motivation is way down. Asthma suck. My job is akin to the 7th level of hell. And my money problems have steadily gotten worse all year culminating in a $9,000 roof repair right now (Merry Christmas to me!) <BR> <BR> I had a few go... Thu, 31 Dec 2015 15:45:05 EST Chicago Tardis Ok, I've been looking forward to this for months. Long story short - this was my first Doctor Who convention (didn't know they existed). I've been a fan of the show since the 70's. And I was able to meet several people from that era! Yates and Benton (ok, that's their characters from the show, I can never remember the actors names) were so open and just out socializing with the fans. AMAZING. Paul McGann melted me to absolute BUTTER. Katy Maning was more spectacular than I though anyo... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 19:33:49 EST Hot Chocolate 5K 2015 Well, I was ready to right a blog blasting RAM racing. However, I will just say, after the debacle that was packet pick-up yesterday and the horrible experience my hubby and I had at the race today - I am EXTREMELY doubt full I will ever run a RAM race again. <BR> <BR> On to the better news of the weekend, last night I was at a get together at a friends house. Really helped with the whole “need for human companionship” thing. Got to talk with a bunch of ladies, play with a few dogs, and s... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 14:35:31 EST The last few days . . . have had huge swings of up and down. I'm just trying to focus on the positive. <BR> <BR> So looking to the positive only, first I had a 3 day step streak going. I made my steps Sun, Mon, and Tues. I feel off Wednesday and I'm in no way to do it today but I think we will restart again tomorrow. Just nice to know I can still do it. <BR> <BR> Last night I have a wonderful dinner with a friend. It's been so long since I've just had a relaxing evening and able to just speak my mind with no ... Thu, 29 Oct 2015 19:10:09 EST Halloween Hustle 2015 Well I have recently been "reprimanded" for my lack of blogs. I suppose that is part of my "lack of effort". If I have to blog daily, then I have to DO something daily. <BR> <BR> Today is easy. This am I had the Halloween Hustle. I really do like that race. Nice community run with lots of local support. It is also a costume run so: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I didn't have a very great race. I'm rea... Sat, 24 Oct 2015 14:32:38 EST My kind of tech support. <img src=""> Thu, 1 Oct 2015 15:13:57 EST Sums it up. <img src=""> Fri, 25 Sep 2015 10:05:57 EST Yoga in my house. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yup. That's about right. Wed, 16 Sep 2015 10:00:40 EST Support and Thanks <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I just wanted to thank all my wonderful Spark buddies. I needed to vent and you guys are just so supportive. I love each and every one of you. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling much better and moving forward again. Hubby is encouraging me to just keep up my normal attitude - if you don't like me bugger off! My dad gave me permission (not that i needed it but I wanted him to be ok with it) to tell h... Tue, 1 Sep 2015 12:32:12 EST Fighting Stress <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have spent the better part of two years revamping my life. I've been getting rid of the negative and trying to surround myself with more positive people. Or at least people who can appreciate who I am. It was going better than I thought. <BR> <BR> I appreciate that there is nothing I can do about the people at work. Just ignore what I can, do my job and get the heck out of Dodge at ... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 16:49:47 EST We all Change <img src=""> Tue, 25 Aug 2015 06:40:27 EST Glasses So I've had to go from no glasses to "cheaters" to bi-focals in the last 18 months. Guess the peepers are just getting old. I'm still having some issues getting used to the bi-focal. Sometimes things are crystal clear, sometimes not so much. No headaches though. I was told a week to 10 days is a normal adjustment period. <BR> <BR> Do what do ya'll think? <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://ph... Sat, 22 Aug 2015 12:10:23 EST Woodward Dream Cruise was a DREAM!!! This was my first time at the Woodward Dream Cruise with my dad and his SS. I really had no idea what to expect. Now I do have to say first off that I had a horrible FUBAR, I was supposed to meet up with a Spark friend on Saturday. This was something we had been planning for quite a while. My phone was dying Saturday am so I plugged it in to the car charger. It promptly died as the charge cord was dead - and we only brought the one charger between the two of us. So neither of us had a w... Sun, 16 Aug 2015 16:09:31 EST OOPS and I was honest! Well my attempt to be more accountable at the end of June obviously failed miserably. So July was a wash and most of August has been a roller coaster. Let's try to hit the reset button YET AGAIN. Good gravy, I wouldn't blame any of you for giving up on me. But I thank you for hanging in there with me. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So for a laugh this was my ACTUAL encounter with Chgo PD on Lake Shore Dr... Wed, 12 Aug 2015 15:31:02 EST Trying for accountability. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I'm trying to add back in some accountability into my Sparking. So for yesterday <BR> <BR> Steps - 10,202 <em>224</em> <BR> ST - nope <em>39</em> <BR> Stretching - another big 0 <em>46</em> <BR> Cardio - 45 min, close but no cigar. <em>198</em> <BR> Water - 88 oz <em>224</em> <BR> Calories - squeaked that in <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> So a 50% day. Fri, 26 Jun 2015 10:45:16 EST My computer experience of late <img src=""> Wed, 24 Jun 2015 09:53:53 EST 20 Year Ago Today Twenty years ago today my world ended and my life has never been the same. Twenty years ago today I wasn't certain how I would get through the next 24 hours let alone the next week or year. Twenty years ago today my brain decided I would die at 44, some painful horrible death. Twenty years ago today I decided I never wanted to think about the future again. Twenty years ago today I lost all of the extended family I ever knew in one moment. <BR> <BR> Twenty years ago today, we turned off t... Sun, 31 May 2015 11:32:48 EST Have to share I need to get this off my chest. <BR> <BR> I was driving home from work yesterday afternoon. I cut through the south side of Chicago to avoid the traffic by the schools on South Shore Dr. Mid-way through the block is a stopped car and I hear "firecrackers". As I pull up behind the stopped car I see a man with a small caliber handgun wobbling in the street and shooting in random directions. <BR> <BR> I watched him shoot a house and an apartment building. It was not a place that I wanted t... Sat, 16 May 2015 17:07:58 EST Going after May May is traditionally a very bad month for me. I've caught myself already falling into it. The canceling of Bark in the Park today because of the canine flu isn't helping. <BR> <BR> But I can't live in the negatives of the past. I'm tired of being depressed and fat. Tired of having a closet full of cute clothes that I can't wear. Tired of feeling like I'm always going to cry. <BR> <BR> So, I'm going after May. I'm going to face it like I would anything else that opposes me. I'm a fi... Sun, 3 May 2015 18:19:35 EST Amazing Day Ok, this blog has NOTHING to do with weight loss or healthy living. I'm just living in a rush right now so I wanted to share my super excitement with my friends here. <BR> <BR> I've never been to a comic con before today. Hubby and I went to C2E2. I was excited because I was going to be able to meet Sylvester McCoy (the 7th Doctor and Radagast the Brown). We were in line for an autograph and he was a bit late. Then his head shots had not arrived yet. He walked the line PERSONALLY to ap... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 21:00:19 EST Good Day, not perfect, but good. I realized today that me last blog kind of left a sour taste in my mouth. Yes, I had a horrible Easter but I think everything is resolved. I'm having some issues getting the charges reversed but we'll get there. <BR> <BR> I've been getting a bit more active again. Did a lunch walk today (I REALLY miss those). I'm going to try to make that a real habit again. It isn't always easy, out immediate boss is a PIA about getting away from my desk. The idea of a lunch where he cannot get me to ... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 19:35:01 EST Happy Easter - Ya Right!! Ok, so this is the first Easter my sister is living in Colorado. And my dad (or his wife I'm not certain which) decided that we are not getting together for Easter. Not that we have actually celebrated since my mom died, but we have always spent the day together. This year nothing. <BR> <BR> So I woke up this am to a ton of text messages. Appears that someone has hacked my credit card. $800 in fraud charges racked up in 48 hours. I've had to cancel my credit cards and now I'm panicked ... Sun, 5 Apr 2015 13:08:05 EST 2015 Bunny Rock I missed the Shamrock Shuffle on Sunday because of a cold. I was NOT missing Bunny Rock. I love this 5K. I'm not 100% but hey, I've raced in worse condition. <BR> <BR> We were up super early this am (none of the girls wanted to sleep past 3 am). So Tazzy and Gypsy got to snuggle with me in bed. Hubby played with Buffy. Then it was time to get dressed and off to breakfast. <BR> <BR> I had reserved parking through Parking Panda. I will NEVER do that again. The address it gave for the ... Sat, 4 Apr 2015 16:04:08 EST 2015 Oak Forest Fleadh Well, I had another 5K today. This ups my streak to 17 months straight with at least one 5K. I've been power walking the last three because of my asthma, but I'm still having decent times. I'm proud of the work I'm doing. <BR> <BR> The Fleadh is always a favorite of mine. I grew up in two towns on the south side. High school was Oak Forest, so it is always fun running in the "home town". <BR> <BR> The people are also great. There is the leprechaun dude. He is there every year (his so... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 17:17:39 EST March Re-start: Kitty NEEDS to get back. I’ve had a horrible winter this year. I’m not going to go into it as I am refusing to focus on the past or make excuses. Life happened, it sucked, and I gave into it. Boo Kitty. <BR> <BR> However, March is here and I don’t care if it is 8 degrees outside. This is the start of Spring! New beginnings and new life. I’m going to focus on the future and what I can do. <BR> <BR> So I’ve gained 31 pounds over the last 4 months. That is going away this year again. I’m getting back to eating... Mon, 2 Mar 2015 12:09:49 EST Update and a Happy share! I have been "gone" for quite a while. I could give a 1,000 reasons and possibly a few more excuses. I'm going to bother with neither. <BR> <BR> I've been a bad sparker. I've been stressing and allowing the stress to dictate what I eat. I've gained back 30 pounds and my exercise is half-hearted at best. <BR> <BR> That all changes TODAY. Because as of today I know I have plenty of tomorrows. I know I will not be fighting cervical cancer. About 4 weeks ago I had an abnormal yearly. T... Fri, 28 Nov 2014 16:32:21 EST Brookfield Zoo Run Run!! I have had this run planned since my birthday in April. Up yesterday I wasn't certain I was going to be able to do it. <BR> Hubby could take me to the race, even stay to take some pictures, but he had to leave for work. Talk about adding to the bad mood!!! But my buddy (who was walking the course) said she could get me home! WOO HOO!! <BR> <BR> So up early and dressed. Hubby made us some awesome omelets for breakfast (I had spinach and feta). Then out the door, but not without the st... Sun, 21 Sep 2014 18:56:16 EST Warrior DAY!! Yesterday was my scheduled Warrior’s Dash. I do the one in downstate Indiana. Hubby and I usually make a day (or weekend) of it. This year he was offered a chance to pick up and extra day of work. We are short on funds (who isn’t) so he took the work. I wasn’t upset. I encouraged it. Just meant I was on my own for the race. No biggie! Packed all my MCR cd’s for travel with my changing bag and figured good to go. <BR> <BR> We took a few pictures before I left. <BR> <BR> <img src=... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 10:07:27 EST