BEXNEW's SparkPeople Blog BEXNEW's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community mindful vs mindless Back here after a long absence and as I entered food, water and exercise to track, I realize just how unmindful I have been. I haven't given a thought to what I have been eating, drinking or doing. It's been a mindless free for all. As I came home from work tonight and opened a bag of tortilla chips with dip to serve that's when it really hit me. I would have to track it if I was going to eat it. Fresh start and fresh thinking and a step forward in this rather long, daunting journey. Wed, 12 Aug 2015 21:07:18 EST vacation re-group back from vacation - seems like everything in South Carolina is fried! It was hard to eat out and make healthy choices. I was pretty actiive - beach walks and tennis, but I really could have done better. But - that's okay - it was a great week with my sister and her family - no beating myself up - just picking myself up and moving on. <BR> <BR> Plan for this week: <BR> <BR> - WATER! - I need to get back to that - missed this <BR> - Alcohol - no more beer! <BR> - Exercise - at least 30 mi... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 21:36:47 EST Staying on track 3) What are you doing to encourage yourself and keep on track <BR> <BR> What a great question - with a pretty straightforward answer. To keep on track - I keep coming back. Coming back to SP and coming back to the 5% challenge team. Seeing what the Casual Travellers are doing - inspires me. Reading everyone's blogs and posts - teaches me. And best of all I get to hang out with some pretty cool people. <BR> <BR> The other thing that keeps me on track is my little dog. I get up and get outs... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 21:53:57 EST New habits I am going to try and add a spark 10 minute video to my before bedtime routine. Whenever I have done it in the past, I have had a great sleep - something else I would like to work on - so perhaps these things go hand in hand and I will get to sleep before 11 pm this week! <BR> <BR> Tonight is going to be the cardio kick boxing - since I am gearing up to start Muay Thai - this only seems fitting. <BR> <BR> Here's to a new habit - day one - you know it only take 21 days to make a new habit i... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 21:40:47 EST Feb review - onward to March February was a bit of a strange month for me - a trip in the middle did put a crimp in my weight loss plan, but I did manage to pull it together. I didn't log as many fitness minutes as I wanted ( I was aiming for 1000, but only hit 700), but I walked almost everyday - unless it was too icy. <BR> <BR> Summary of what I achieved: <BR> <BR> - 8 glasses of water every single day <BR> - 700 fitness minutes <BR> - 5 more pounds down <BR> - joined the Casual Traveller team for the 5% challenge... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 21:10:00 EST small victories Just want to note these small victories today: <BR> <BR> 1. ordered a grilled chicken salad at McDonald's tonight instead of a burger 400 calories - with dressing vs. more than 900 (with over 1000mg of sodium) if I had ordered a big mac and fries with a diet coke <BR> <BR> 2. took the dog for a walk even though it had started raining and I REALLY didn't want to! Got in my 20 minutes of exercise! <BR> <BR> 3. All water consumed - had my refillable bottle at work and the pitcher on the coun... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:57:58 EST Plan for the Winter 5% Challenge getting my head around this!! <BR> <BR> 241 X .05 = 12.05 pounds (rounded to 12 pounds) <BR> <BR> By When: April 20th, 2013 <BR> <BR> Bringing me to 229. <BR> <BR> 12 pounds in 8 weeks is totally doable. Even if I do have a vacation week in there where I am notoriously bad about staying on track. I will need to find some serious iron will since we are going away with my sister and her family and we usually eat well and consume some great wine. <BR> <BR> I need to believe in myself and... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 23:07:22 EST Focus time Just back from a rather sad trip across the country to help my husband clear out his mother's condo as she has just been moved into assisted living. It was a hard week on so many levels. Hard to see the decline of the human mind; hard to clear out a lifetime of possessions and photos; hard to live amongst the chaos; hard to leave my kids; hard to eat well when we were always eating out; hard to exercise because it didn't feel right to take time out for myself. You get the idea - hard. <BR... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 14:35:05 EST Why? I want / need to lose weight for lots of reasons, but here are my top 3: <BR> <BR> 1. Health - I need to get rid of this weight to be healthy. I am terrible about going to the doctor and lately I feel old and creaky with lots of aches and pains (knees and hips and feet). That is what the extra pounds are causing - so much stress on my joints. <BR> <BR> 2. Self Esteem: I don't want to be scared to do things anymore. I don't want to wonder if people are making judgements about me based on my... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 07:16:21 EST I didn't want to...but... I came home feeling blah. Work was busy and when I came home at lunch to walk the dog, I had a complete snack meltdown. I guess it was much later than usual and I didn't eat enough for lunch - so when I got home, I was looking for stuff to eat. Instead of taking the dog for the usual walk, we just played in the backyard for abit. Then I snacked down on 2 rice crispy squares (200 cal), one of the kids snack pack brownies (100 cal), some smart food (200 cal) and a tablespoon of peanut butter (... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 22:48:01 EST January Wrap Up A quick summary of what I accomplished in January since coming back on the 5th: <BR> <BR> - 9 pounds gone! <em>193</em> <BR> <BR> - 8 glasses of water or more each day = over 216 glasses! <em>91</em> <BR> <BR> - 6 blogs written <em>387</em> <BR> <BR> - walked the dog every day (except 2 when the weather kept us in) <em>338</em> <BR> <BR> - logged 865 exercise minutes - most of it walking <em>311</em> <BR> <BR> - ate over my calorie range for the day (1200 - 1500) on... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 22:40:19 EST good enough I have been thinking about this for the past couple of days after reading someone's blog and the comments there. I struggle with this - am I good enough? Am I worth it? Don't get me wrong - I have a pretty good life, but I get so far with my weight loss and then I freeze. I think I am scared of succeeding. Do I deserve to be thin, fit and healthy - as I write this question - I think it's ridiculous, but maybe what I mean is - am I worth the work and the sacrifice? And then I think... of cou... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 22:19:54 EST Learnings I kinda thought that by this time around, I pretty much knew it all...but once again I am humbled at how wrong I have been. I have SO MUCH TO LEARN...STILL. <BR> <BR> I've been back here for almost 3 weeks and I have made some changes which have been really good. Whenever I have started a new weight-loss journey, I have come charging out of the gate, chomping at the bit, looking for success at every turn; weighing in at every chance; going through the motions at top speed; failing to reall... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 23:05:18 EST weigh in tomorrow And now for something a little different....I am going to only weigh in once a week. Previously I was obsessed with the scale - on it daily - and in some insane moments even twice - I would agonize over each gain and the daily fluctuations - not healthy, not cool. So, I am trying to stay away from it and only weigh in on Wednesday mornings. Seems likes a good day - mid-week; I am going to commit to only stepping on the scale on Wednesdays for the next 3 weeks. Let's see what happens. <BR> ... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 23:09:18 EST fast break goals - part 2 Setting the fast break goals this time around, I said that I really gave them some thought and I want to keep visiting that. <BR> So here goes: <BR> <BR> 1. walk the dog every day <BR> <BR> This goal has been a real motivator. When we got our little rescue back in September, my plan was to walk her all the time, but I didn't. I let my daughter take on most of her walks and just took her occasionally. Having this as a daily goal has been wonderful - if I haven't walked her, I am going aft... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:19:14 EST New Fast Break Goals As I start over in 2013 - I decided to reset all the goals on my account. Doing this wiped out everything including my fast break goals. Previously I didn't pay too much attention to these, but this time around I have been re-reading the Spark and decided that I needed something new - something achievable. So here they are: <BR> <BR> <em>248</em> walk the dog every day <BR> <em>248</em> read a success story every day <BR> <em>248</em> don't snack mindlessly in the evening after din... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 20:58:24 EST Here we go again! I'm back - trying again. I logged on here yesterday and reset my goals and my streaks. I changed a key streak, I think. Instead of having exercise 90 minutes per week, I have now committed to 20 minutes of exercise per day. This seems like a much more concrete goal and it means that I will get out with our new dog on a least a daily walk - good for her and good for me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I started C25K again - Day 1, Week 1 - I was so happy when she told me it was my last run! I can't bel... Sun, 6 Jan 2013 21:44:50 EST Week 2 - day 1 - ACTIVATE! Last night my mom took the kids for a sleepover - yes - that is the same mom I posted about in my status update! She is 84 and a force to be reckoned with! She lives on her own, drives around in a cute SUV, swims, does an exercise class, is fully computer literate, not to mention that she has had 2 hip replacements and 2 knee replacements. So to think that she keeps up with my 10 and 7 year old is pretty amazing. <BR> <BR> DH and I had a date night last night. We walked to a local restau... Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:19:25 EST Day 7 - 1/4 of the way to my 28 days The other night on the phone with my mom, we were talking about how my husband was out playing guitar with the guys in his band and my mom asked me what I was doing for myself - I didn't know what to say. I am trying to get healthy and exercise and lose weight for myself, but I am not ready to talk about that with her. So, I started thinking more about this - my life is such a whirlwind of busy, but I don't do a lot for me. I think I need to find something that I am really interested in - ju... Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:43:33 EST Day 5 - some progress 5 days in to my come back and I am feeling good. Just got back from my walk - 40 minutes and I added another 7 blocks in that same 40 minutes - perhaps I was just motivated to get home b/c of the cold! <BR> Here are some of my highlights this week so far <BR> <BR> I have been eating well - tracking everything. <BR> I had a glass of wine with dinner tonight - and it was just one <BR> I avoided the big plate of cookies in our team meeting today - I was the only one who didn't dig in. Managed ... Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:22:44 EST Day 3 - the challenge of cake It's weird because previously the weekends were hard for me and weekdays really had a set routine that was easier to manage, but today I am finding it hard to get my exercise in. I was at work all day and was too cold to go for a walk at lunch (chalk that up to my too tight winter coat!) - plus I was wearing a skirt. Now I am home from work, have cooked dinner, overseen homework and have put the kids to bed. I am in my workout clothes, but I don't want to get on the treadmill. I just don'... Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:39:15 EST Day 2 of the comeback...cycle of change The cycle of change goes something like this: <BR> <BR> 1. Inaction / Pre-contemplation: Well, I was there for a good 5 months! <BR> <BR> 2. Contemplation: I guess I spent the next 4 weeks or so thinking about getting back to being healthy. Things that got me thinking and inspired were a friend at work telling me that she has just started exercising again; seeing that a person in the neighbourhood who inspired me last July is still going strong and has lost an incredible 80 pounds. Yes, I... Sun, 20 Nov 2011 16:14:28 EST 6 months - 30+ pounds I have come back to recommit and be honest with myself about what I have done (really more like what I haven't done) in the last 6 months. I stopped caring about me. That's the sad truth. Sure there are some "reasons" ( like a bad boss, a new job, challenges with children, 1st anniversary of my dad's death), but these are kind of just excuses in my mind. And even though on several occasions, I tried to come up with the mental power to shift my mind set back to healthy - I just couldn't do ... Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:54:59 EST 17 day diet, long weekend and other randomness I got interested in the 17 day diet thanks to a friend here (thanks JK) - I took the book out of the library, gave it a quick read and found out that it`s pretty easy to follow. I started it about mid-week and showed a 2.5 pound loss for the week when I weighed in for the CATS on Saturday morning. I am really looking at this as away to get rid of the 10+ pounds I packed on recently. Now 5 are gone and I have 10 more to go - then it`s back to some ``real`` losing! I feel like it is complet... Mon, 23 May 2011 20:27:38 EST Positivity! I love week one of the challenges - everyone is excited, writing blogs, giving feedback, posting exercise minutes - it's great! It's just what I needed to restart after a really difficult time. I have had a positive week. <BR> <BR> Here's what was great: <BR> <em>248</em> I surpassed my exercise minutes for the week for the first time in months! I logged over 300 minutes and burned over 1700 calories. I have walked and ridden my bike a lot. Still not back to running, but I hope to be t... Fri, 13 May 2011 22:31:36 EST sick, but holding strong I haven't been feeling well since yesterday. I thought I was finally going to have to admit that I have allergies, but instead I have a terrible head cold. I am so stuffed up; I feel like my head and sinuses are filled with cotton wool. So, last night I went to bed at 9 o'clock (part of my commitment to going upstairs to bed when my husband does) - I even beat my DH upstairs and was asleep when he came up. Felt better - not great though and had a day that was packed with client appointments ... Tue, 10 May 2011 21:46:00 EST Coming clean for the 5% challenge Time to actually face the scale and what it really says vs. what I want it to say. Reality is that since March, I have actually gained over 10 pounds - more like 15 actually. I haven't been willing to face this or own up to it - by ignoring it, I have just been perpetuating it. If it's not happening...I don't have to do anything about it. <BR> <BR> I have emotional eating and drinking issues. I need to deal with this or I will never be successful for the long term. Right now I am committe... Sun, 8 May 2011 12:00:04 EST a positive blog...finally Struggle must be my middle name these days, but perhaps that is a bit of a middle name really has been slothy, snacky, and just downright lazy. I really have tried to overcome the struggles at work and I think I am getting there, but I really haven't been paying attention to me and what I need to do to be successful with getting healthy and losing the weight. I was emailing with a friend today...she has lost over 100 pounds and is in year 6 of keeping it off. She works very hard at ... Tue, 26 Apr 2011 22:23:52 EST So Stupid - F for effort If I were giving myself a grade over the past couple of weeks - it would have to be an F. Just as I get over feeling sorry for myself at work and start to exercise again and feel good, I let an injury completely derail me again. I must say, regular readers of my blogs must be getting so tired of my constant derailments, false starts and slippery slopes to sedentary life on the couch. <BR> <BR> I have no excuses and at this point I don't know what to write or how to find the spirit to keep g... Sun, 17 Apr 2011 19:57:10 EST Still sore So...I have committed to writing every day, but man, this is going to be a boring one! My neck is still sore so I am not going to run. Spent tonight trying to buy a bike for my son - very frustrating - he is between sizes and I don't want to spend big bucks on it either. Sigh. <BR> <BR> My day was pretty good - warming up here finally! I am happy to report when the gossip queen at work phoned me today to spin some tales about what was coming down the pipeline, I didn't buy in! I actually... Thu, 7 Apr 2011 21:14:26 EST Sore Neck I woke up today with a terrible pain in my neck. This has never happened before, so I thought that it would just be a matter of stretching a little and I would be good to go. But, no. On the drive to work, I realized that I couldn't look over my right shoulder to check when changing lanes. Pain would shoot down the side of my neck. I took a couple of advil and it seemed a little better, but as the day wore on, it got stiffer and stiffer. I looked like one of those people in a neck brace wh... Wed, 6 Apr 2011 19:47:36 EST Tuesday - still here! Not a lot to write about today, but I have a few small victories to report. If you read my blogs ever, you know that I LOVE lists! So... here goes: <BR> <BR> 1. took the kids to the movies tonight (went to see HOP - very cute) and didn't eat popcorn or drink pop <BR> <BR> 2. I have a general all over feeling of positivity - no matter what happens at work - it will all be good and the right thing will happen. <BR> <BR> 3. I drank 8 glasses of water today <BR> <BR> 4. I haven't had a... Tue, 5 Apr 2011 21:27:13 EST YOU make the difference I just got off the treadmill and the whole time I was running I was thinking about how strong I was feeling; how good it felt to be back on track and what brought me to this feeling. I don't think I would have been able to refocus myself after these past 6 weeks of negativity at work if it weren't for all of YOU. When I first joined Spark people, I was only active for about a month and then I lost momentum and didn't log on here for a long time. At that point it was easy to leave - I hadn't... Mon, 4 Apr 2011 21:36:39 EST New 2 Here I am - back for day 2 of my commitment. I had a pretty good day. Yesterday after I wrote that blog, I got on the treadmill and walked / jogged (mostly walked) for 30 minutes. I hadn't done any exercise by choice in awhile and it felt good!! <BR> <BR> We went to friends for dinner last night and I ate moderate amounts of food and had a small piece of cake and a glass of wine. But when we came home, I read for awhile and went to bed - I didn't stay up late foraging in the pantry for s... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 20:42:50 EST new attitude? I haven't written a blog for a full month - part of the problem or a symptom? I have been so upset about things at work that I have let it completely derail me. Eating crap, eating late, not exercising and drinking way too much wine and even beer again. <BR> <BR> I have really let the cats team down in this challenge - I have barely posted any exercise. I have let myself down. I have let one man's poison seep from work into my personal life. I have let that upset control me. Snapping at my... Sat, 2 Apr 2011 09:41:08 EST Streaking!! I have started streaking! No, not running outside naked (grin); I have started my Spark streaks. Yes, I have been part of Spark People since 2009 and I have known about how important streaks are and I have even watched my streaks on my pages, but I never really got it. Until now. <BR> <BR> I have been re-reading The Spark and lots of things are really resonating with me this time - I think I am getting it (or at least starting to get it.) Yesterday, I started walking at lunch time at work.... Wed, 2 Mar 2011 21:58:31 EST Why 2.0 Here I am again - trying to capture why this is important to me; why I am worth fighting for; why I want to lose weight. <BR> <BR> 1. I want to get healthy for my kids. I want to be a good role model and I want to be around for a long long time. I want to take risks and have fun with them. <BR> <BR> 2. I want to feel better and be more confident. It's amazing what a difference a few pounds can make with attitude. I have not been doing well the past 4 weeks and I feel different - slower... a... Wed, 23 Feb 2011 15:17:34 EST Struggling and need help... This past week has been one giant emotional blah. Not my finest hour, on so many fronts. I have been having some issues at work - don't want to get into it here, but it has really affected me. I have been having my own full-fledged pity party; all the usual suspects have been invited - chips, cookies, wine and lots of other goodies. They have surrounded me as I just couldn't deal. The more I ate, the worse I felt. The worse I felt, the more I ate and then didn't work out. <BR> <BR> Hon... Tue, 1 Feb 2011 21:15:08 EST Running is good!! I was supposed to finish up week 3 of C25K on Sunday, but I had one of those days where I just didn't want to do anything. I was just a big blob - too cold to go out and feeling extremely unmotivated after my food melt down! <BR> <BR> BUT....I am happy to report that last night, I did it. I went downstairs and got on the treadmill. I'll be honest - I didn't want to, but DH made it easy for me by taking both kids out to my daughter's guitar lesson. I stood on the treadmill with some trepida... Tue, 25 Jan 2011 09:40:56 EST food melt down Bah. So my last blog was all about how badly I wanted just one more pound to hit 40 pounds gone, but in typical Bex fashion, I blew it. <BR> <BR> It started Friday night after dinner - with some wine while watching a movie with DH. That led to the last few fudge graham cookies, then almost the whole bag of bits and bites, and then (head lowered in shame) a package of gummy candies that one of the kids had got at Christmas. I don't even like those. <BR> <BR> Then on Saturday, I didn't eat ... Sun, 23 Jan 2011 08:43:46 EST One pound - I want it badly This morning I was 209 - one more pound brings me to 40 pounds gone off my frame - no wonder I feel better, strong and lighter! Of course, I can't wait to shed the next 10 to bring me to one-derland, but right now I need to concentrate on this one little pound. <BR> <BR> Imagine lifting 40 pounds of rice or a 40 pound sack of potatoes - it's almost inconceivable that I was carrying that around each and every day. That's quite the image, isn't it. <BR> <BR> My plan for the rest of the week... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 21:57:51 EST Hmmm...on my way to becoming a runner? I did week 3 day 1 of C25K today - it was both harder and easier - very strange. It's shorter overall, but there are two longer (3 minutes - that sounds a little pathetic to call long) runs in it. I didn't feel like was in complete control of my breathing during the longer runs, but I could do it. I did do it. I felt nervous going in to it, but it was okay. Looking ahead at week 4 makes me really nervous - 5 minutes - are you kidding me?! I know I can do week 3 again and again and again ... Tue, 18 Jan 2011 22:50:39 EST The week in review - wow! It's been a great week - for so many reasons! <BR> <BR> 1. I lost 3 pounds and I am at my lowest in AGES (probably since 2005 or 2006) <em>192</em> <BR> <BR> 2. I have stuck to doing the bootcamp 10 minutes videos each day and I did the one bonus video for this week. I did the kickboxing cardio! <em>216</em> <BR> <BR> 3. I have stuck with the C25K running program and just have one more run tomorrow to complete week 2. I ran last night even though I really didn't want to! <em>312</e... Sat, 15 Jan 2011 17:21:35 EST Good Tired Went to aquafit tonight despite the storm that dumped on the city. I was 1/2 hoping it would be cancelled, but nope - so off I went. DH was a little surprised that I was going, but supportive as always. The class was good and then I came home and did day 3 and 4 of the bootcamp videos since I skipped yesterday. <BR> <BR> Now, I am all-over tired - what a great feeling. I am going to have a good sleep tonight. Stoked about staying on my exercise plan - ready for day 2 of week 2 of C25K - ... Wed, 12 Jan 2011 22:11:39 EST Consistency Consistency and and exercise plan for the week! It's week 2 of the new year and I haven't fizzled out! <BR> <BR> It's a great feeling not to be starting over in January - perhaps that's why I am still going strong! I am in week 2 of C25K - honestly, I have never made it here before!! I must give credit to a great podcast I found - by Suz - (google "C25K podcast Suz" and you will find her!). The first two weeks have been all hip hop and although it's not usually my favourite music, it is AWESOME to run to! The last two runs I have done... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 15:59:17 EST Living a fun life, not a scared life Tonight after dinner DH and I went sledding with the kids at the local park - yup, it was already dark, but part of the park is lit so it was perfect. Even better, we had the hill virtually to ourselves. To be honest, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to get cold. I didn't feel like going out again. I was feeling a little grumpy. But, I felt bad making DH take the kids alone, so I got into my my snow pants (which are TOO BIG now - yeay!) and my down ski jacket and off we went. Now usu... Fri, 7 Jan 2011 21:38:01 EST From Small Victories to Normal? I write a lot about small victories - it really is what keeps me going - long term planning and goal setting just gets me all nervous and a little kooky! <BR> <BR> I had another good day today. Went the aquafit class tonight - it's a 60 minute deep end class and it's great. This was the first session for the winter term, we have a new teacher and it was even better - AWESOME! She worked and worked and worked us - up and down the pool - tons of arm work. The hour went really fast and I left... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 23:28:17 EST Tuesday - feeling good Feeling good today. How great is that!! It's amazing how fast you can get off track, but it also amazes me how fast you can get back ON TRACK and feel better about yourself. <BR> Today I started C25K again - Day 1. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and I have to say that the running parts were okay. Not really a problem. I have done the Running Room (learn to run program) in the past, so I do know that this works and you can really build your stamina- slowly over time. I am not a fast ru... Tue, 4 Jan 2011 22:48:21 EST coming clean Aw - time to come clean - a new year...I tried to shake it off, but I can't. I am now back to where I started in the 5% challenge <em>39</em> . 215. I have updated my tracker and posted in the weigh in forum for the cats. I really didn't eat well over the holidays and certainly indulged in too many festive beverages! I thought that I could blow it off quickly, but no... it's seems to be hanging around despite my best efforts. <BR> <BR> On the positive side though...some small victories f... Mon, 3 Jan 2011 21:40:48 EST Jan 2 - small victories This is going to be a short one before bed, but I do want to document these small victories for the day. <BR> <BR> 1. went on a 5k walk with my 9 year old daughter - had a great talk and some laughs while DH and my son were at hockey <BR> <BR> 2. tracked ALL my food today - first time in ages I made it through the entire day <BR> <BR> 3. drank all 8 glasses of water - it's also been awhile since I have managed this. <BR> <BR> 4. Did Coach Nicole's 10 minute boot camp work out for day 2 <B... Sun, 2 Jan 2011 22:52:35 EST