BETH49's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=BETH49 BETH49's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 6/5 change 1- Dogs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5379600 Well the no eating after 7 is tough tonight. I'm not hungry but I'm craving but I'm not caving. <BR> Worked out this morning. Felt good. Took Buck on two walks. <BR> I hate to be such a baby about this but walking and exercise just lost its zip after my dog, Lucy died. Then when shortly there after Buck, Lucy's brother got terribly hurt. After 12 + years of hiking, running, walking everywhere with those two dogs, walking seems empty. Buck is getting better, he has new leg braces so ... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 21:19:53 EST 2/4 change 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5378426 It was getting late in the day... a day that I had felt wonderful living in. The weather was sunny and in the '70s. All was right in the world. It should have been easy to keep my promise to myself and workout and write but I opted to clean my closets. <BR> Hmm? Feeling good=cleaning? I discovered this wierd sort of disconnect, as though I'm programmed to earn basic care for self time. <BR> <BR> The realization didn't make me stop and keep my promise right away, but eventually I did. ... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 21:12:25 EST Week 2 day3- Change 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5377289 I have enlisted the help of a friend and she's enlisted me back. She's my accountability partner. I never did as well as when my spark group did a buddy challenge. So, I'm going to try an manufacture some of that feel. <BR> Interestingly, her goal isn't weight related but it does involve changing daily behavior. <BR> <BR> I also overwhelmed myself last time, so this time I'm going to change one thing, just one toward healthy habit building. <BR> So this week, I'm doing cardio for 20 min... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 22:13:00 EST Commitment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5357504 I did what I hoped I wouldn't. After weighing myself at the month mark, the disappointment ate away at my motivation. When my darling Lucy - dog died suddenly I justified my Reeses Peanut Butter Cup three day binge as grief. I was grieved. I was broken hearted but for every candy I ate I knew it wasn't grief. I knew that I was using grief. I knew that the real reason I turned to candy was my lack of weight loss. <BR> <BR> That doesn't discount the grief. But the grief was an excuse. ... Wed, 15 May 2013 13:47:37 EST Why an accountability group is soooo important! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285793 So I've belonged to a particular group for a few weeks now. First I joined a buddy competition and found that it got me up and out. <BR> Then it morphed into a weekly competition. When the scale didn't show what I wanted it to, I felt like giving up.. but I kept participating. I was honest with my malaise.. I rode through a time when I felt like quitting. Now, I'm on track . <BR> <BR> When I don't want to exercise I do anyway cause I don't want to have to be honest about not keeping up... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:28:18 EST Tantrum Over and I'm Back On Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5284434 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1411499042.jpg"> Tue, 12 Mar 2013 20:55:52 EST This is when I give up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5279349 Since my late '40s it has been almost impossible for me to loose weight. Here's the pattern, I work like gang busters for three weeks, weigh in and haven't lost weight, give up. <BR> This time I thought it would be different because I lost 8 pounds right away. My diet has been between 900 and 1600 calories aday. I've been drinking lots of water. I been gradually building the intensity of my workouts. My weigh-in day is Wednesday and.... I gained weight. Yes, that is somewhat normal. ... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 20:20:17 EST A Bootcamping I will go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5271578 After an intense couple of weeks DH and I took a weekend away up in Vermont. It was so beautiful. It snowed all the time. Not heavy snow, just constant big white flakes that covered the ground with a gentle hush. The snow did something to the cell towers so no calls could get to us atop the mountain. The dogs ran free and played. The ground below the mountain paths was icy so I didn't get much walking in. <BR> <BR> DH made me a rich and hearty beef stew with homemade bread and rich f... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 19:14:12 EST Lucy was right http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5266434 I was plain pooped today. Didn't take the dogs for a walk.. did do yoga in the morning and Bolleywood video. Layed around the rest of the day , thought that I ate to much but was still 300 calories short. My hunger and stomach is shrinking. <BR> <BR> Both dogs needed a bufferin their legs ached, so did I. Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:16:31 EST Good Dog Lucy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5265113 I have two dogs Buck and Lucy. They are from the same litter but look entirely different. They are a combination of hound, collie and lab. They are my best friends. <BR> I didn't want them, I wanted a older rescue; but DH saw two lone 8 week old puppies on a cold kennel floor and begged me to bring them home. He promised to watch them during the day (his office was at home) if I'd take over after my job. in the evening. Lucy already had broken ribs from having been kicked, and Buck was... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:15:13 EST Moving Forward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5262498 Last week I fell a bit in the doldrums as a result of my stalker. I might do it again. <BR> But for now I feel back in control, well as much in control as any of us really are. <BR> The first week here I set up a weekly goal and reward system, but I got side tracked last week. So I'm going to post my weekly goal and reward every Sunday as a reminder to keep going. <BR> <BR> Goal for the week- Continue tracking food(which I've done for 3 weeks), continue walking every afternoon (which I've... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 19:43:12 EST Never Mind Dr. Phil, My life is mine to create. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5260487 That's it. I've had. Too much time has been lost on a poor pathetic woman. I don't have the power to change her though. I don't have the power to affect her sad twisted mind, but I do have the power to change mine. <BR> <BR> In a weird way, once I really accepted the nature of a stalker and sat down and took actions to avoid her, my anxiety lifted. Once the anxiety lifted I could really see the situation from a different angle.I feel so sad for her, she is so out of control, she has ... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 21:59:31 EST Dear Dr. Phil, this can't be my life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5259232 How the world has turned sinced my stalker arrived. She got out of the hospital today while I was at an out of state conference. The conference was really really boring but I felt safe for the first time in days. No way she could surprise me or call me. <BR> <BR> I was at a manufacturing plant so lots of walking. I ate clean. Then on the way home = a candy bar to offset the mounting anxiety. <BR> <BR> Tons of messages from friends checking on me. How lucky I am for the friends and fa... Thu, 21 Feb 2013 20:37:34 EST Stalker and Food http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5258099 Last nights phone call from my stalker threw me. I got afraid for the first time. That she could manipulate people who expect and treat manipulation drew me in to the melo-drama. My mood dropped and stuck. <BR> <BR> My stalker gets out of the hospital tomorrow. She expects me to pick her up. Hospital told her it wasn't going to happen. She's been told to stay away. She's been told that she needs to spend more time in the hospital, but they can't make her stay. She really expects me to p... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:37:45 EST Eating Well, Walking Challenge and Return of MY Stalker. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5256770 I've been maintaining my Paleo food. I'm just not hungry anymore. I had to really work to eat today. I read that sometimes there's a natural fasting that happens on the Paleo diet. I didn't believe that that could ever happen to this chowhound. I was wrong. <BR> <BR> Our business has a huge sales meeting, and I'm meeting with a new distributor on Thursday. In order to prepare I've been at the computer from sun up for the last two days. Like eating I needed to force myself to walk. A... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:54:21 EST 12/30- The magic of hope http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5252954 I've kept up a strong pace. Lost a couple of more pounds but this morning I really felt the effects of the pace. Needed a day off. Didn't exercise. I had breakfast and lunch out with friends.... but kept to diet. Watched a Saturday afternoon movie and nibbled on just a bit of cheat food. Helped a friend build her website afterwards. Home for a quiet night. <BR> I'm journaling my days, because after having been sick and rudderless for so long, it just feels wonderful to have a direct... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 20:05:08 EST 11/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5251954 There's something called a pink cloud. Its when someone has broken a long hated habit and feels wonderful. I'm on one. After fighting ice cream, couch sitting, candy bars, and sleeping in the afternoons for so long, I feel elated that I'm not hungry, that I'm sleeping well at night and waking up early on my own, that I'm moving and then moving. <BR> <BR> I need to keep going and pray that I don't fall off the cloud anytime soon. Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:37:51 EST Valentines Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5250625 Another great day! It feels so good not to be sick! I slipped and fell and got up. I didn't need help. I wasn't in pain. What had been broken didn't rebreak! I got up and continued whatever I had been doing. <BR> <BR> DH and I are starting a company along with another man. We had a big lunch meeting I felt good and strong enough to get up at 6:30, pray/meditate, work out, pick up and clean, go to work at computerby 9am, go to printers have a quick meeting there, prepare the house, p... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 16:27:27 EST 30 Day Paleo Challenge 10/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5249440 Not much to say, it was a good day. I worked, cleaned, and walked. Snow is coming tonight so I brought in wood to prepare. <BR> <BR> I ate clean and ,,, well that's all I have to say...a simple good day. Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:55:13 EST What do the 30 day challenge, a stalker, and a sunny day all have in common? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5248133 At age 56 I have a stalker. Its not a love interest but some one who I had been doing charity work with and for. It went terribly wrong. Last night after an unbelievable number of unanswered calls and texts from this person, she came to my house in pajamas and slippers expecting me to let her in because she was upset and felt that only I could soothe her to sleep. I have never let this person stay at my home and she has only been here a couple of times. I set clear boundaries from the st... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:09:39 EST 30 day Challenge 9/30, part one http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5247627 I had my annual mamogram yesterday. Much to my surprise though, the pushing pulling, smashing re-cracked the fragile heal on a couple of the ribs. I woke up this morning really sore all over again. <BR> <BR> It hurts to bend, to stand, to lie down, and even to sit. Fortunately, it doesn't hurt to walk or eat. <em>313</em> Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:46:25 EST 30 day challenge/week two http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5247026 I lost 2 pounds... woot woot!!!!!! <BR> I ate clean again...it was a crazy day, what was scheduled didn't happen. What happen wasn't even close to schedule... had pre- prepared snacks that I took with me and so I never let myself get too hungry. <BR> Walked the pups late and in the rain... but kept to my new week's goals of walking every day. <BR> I also made sure to give myself a reward for making last weeks goal. It was a style of travel coffee cup that I'd been coveting. I didn't plan o... Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:54:39 EST Challenge 7/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5245426 A week, seven days of clean eating. A week of walking every day. Seven days of getting stronger. And at the end of that week...hope. Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:36:18 EST Paleo Challenge 6/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5244545 After snow there was much shoveling. and play, with the kids over. Fresh cookies to be made. Oh my. I tasted the dough and then like a child spit it out. Its the cravings I fear. They are quiet for now and I don't want to wake them. It was a smart move because I went to a party later and it was much easier to eat clean there when I have challenged my temptation privately. I had a wonderful time at the party and didn't feel as though I missed a thing by the way I ate and drank. Sat, 9 Feb 2013 23:13:24 EST Paleo Challenge 5/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5243144 Realized that I eating too many carbs.. they come from my trail mix, which has been my snack. Spent the morning researching good Paleo snacks. For some reason as the snow started this am I thought it would be a great idea to do serious bedroom closet organizing, that felt great. Braved the early snow to pick up last minute stuff in case we are shut in. While out, found out that the grands were going to spend there snow afternoon at our house, so I picked up a pizza, fried cheese sticks,... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 18:08:47 EST Paleo Challenge 4/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5241984 I was so hungry and lethargic yesterday. Odd that I couldn't sleep until well after 2AM, but when I did sleep it was deep and dear. Today no grogginess, lots of energy, no hunger, and clear mindedness. <BR> I worked, cleaned, and accomplished. <BR> I cooked and ate clean. <BR> My cracked ribs hurt less. <BR> I walked the pups with my husband. We held hands. <BR> We readied for the snow. <BR> I thanked God that I did not have to start another Day 1. <BR> Day 4 was a celebration. Thu, 7 Feb 2013 19:15:46 EST Paleo Challenge 3/30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5240634 I was soooo hungry all day. My head ached from lack of sugar. I was sluggish and thick eyed. What made me just that much crankier was that my broken ribs hurt. <BR> We went to an afternoon movie. Hubby gave himself a bag of reeses and I gave myself...wait for it.... the new lemon tart flavored sugar free gum. It was enough. <BR> I was cranky, sore, and hungry but it was enough. <BR> <BR> I kept telling myself it was only the third day. I reminded myself that I hate myself every tim... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 19:16:40 EST Day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5239001 Its 4pm. The dogs are ready for a walk. I started personally walking them again Sunday and they are back in the groove, even if I'm not. I had a normal day and I'm pooped, pooped , pooped. Happy that I'm not coughing. Greatful that the January flu is over, but worn out. <BR> I want to tell myself that if I walk the pups I'm pushing it... but that's a lie. I need the boost of fresh air and the stretch of the legs to continue to recover. So, now that I fessed up its time to leash up.... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 16:14:55 EST Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5237514 Wow, what a month! Flu, pnuemonia, flu again, broken ribs and a pulled my back out. Six since December 26, I missed Christmas and New Year's. The tree is still up and my house is decorated. <BR> <BR> I'm as week as a baby and as round as one too. Its time to move into health. <em>211</em> Mon, 4 Feb 2013 17:04:27 EST Let my yes be yes. Matthew 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5015929 I've lied to myself. I haven't kept my vows. A day at a time for now. Sometimes a moment. But I will make my word golden. <BR> <BR> This week, tracking my food. Tue, 14 Aug 2012 23:21:50 EST I Strayed. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3815110 I admit it strayed. I snuck around. I found something that made me feel better. I counted points. I went to meetings a talked a good game. I felt like I was doing something... but in the end, I just felt tawdry. The applause. The stickers. But it wasn't real. I didn't lose weight. I lost motivation. <BR> <BR> I know spending money on another program doesn't work for me. And in shame, Igave up trying. Thanksgiving was a food fest. I see the error of my ways and... <BR> <BR> I ba... Tue, 30 Nov 2010 18:07:06 EST A Fortress of Clutter and Blubber and Lies. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3732574 During Medieval Times, communities protected themselves from marauding foes by building a fortress. But a fortress of protection isn't just a single circular wall. <BR> It's carefully construction to provide a vantage of safety from multiple points. First it was built on the highest point to view incoming threats. <BR> Then, there was often a thicket of thorny bushes to slow horses and men. Then the moat. A deep circular man-made river of waste and filth. Only the most dangerously determin... Fri, 22 Oct 2010 08:49:23 EST I am afraid http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3722959 of so manythings. Although many people think that I'm a fearless risk taker. <BR> I am just a Peter Pan. Fearless in the face of Pirates. Willing to swoop and dive throughout the day. Travelling to distant stars for adventure. I am capable of saving you from tragedy and gear in a crisis but try to get to know me? Rely on me for the day to day elements of friendship and I cower like a frightened rabbit. <BR> <BR> I have spent much of my adult life being somewhat bigger than life but ke... Mon, 18 Oct 2010 10:53:12 EST Fat,Skinny, Squishy or Firm: I am Enough http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3712284 My sister is visiting. She hasn't been here for a bit so I arranged for time with my Grandkids. We stopped over at my granddaughters, who ran to meet me with delight. She proudly showed me her hairstyle (or lack thereof) and anounced that it was just like mine. She ran into my arms several times just for a Granma hug. <BR> <BR> Later that day, my youngest grandson burst through the frontdoor ran across the house and jumped into my arms with a huge laugh as though I was his favorite pers... Wed, 13 Oct 2010 09:17:14 EST Navel Gazing Makes My Tummy Grow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3709613 I et up and follow the plan. Twice, yesterday and today. I want an award. I want to fix the plan. I want to tweak. But that wasn't what I promised myself. <BR> My morning meditation reading was about getting unnecessarily angry at people. I am doing that more and more. The meditaton suggests that the reason behind the flash anger is being uncomfortable with self. Joyce Meyers suggests in my reading for today that constant self critiscm is a way that evil takes us over. <BR> <BR> B... Tue, 12 Oct 2010 08:17:04 EST Do I Trust God's Love Enough to Follow the plan? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3707055 I am not a prosletizing person. But I do know that God fits into this process. I've been trying so hard to get fit on my own. I hate the fat obsession. I hate the number of books, magazine atricles, groups, online support, and trainers I've gone through. I hate the number of first days. <BR> <BR> I know every journey begins with a single step, but really how many single steps have I taken? So, many that I need to admit that my combined single steps have created a journey to fat. <BR> ... Mon, 11 Oct 2010 08:16:21 EST Tough Going a the Check- Line or It's not Rocket Science. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3703059 Here's what was weird. Went grocery shopping. Had my list. No problem. Occasional temptation but reminded myself that I had set my mind and that God would help. Grocery basket filled with fruit, veggies, high protein low fat meat. The check out que (a single winding line that feeds into multiple cash register) was lined with hundreds (no exaggration) of candies for Halloween. Twinge of temptation but it passed much more easily than I thought. <BR> Then I got to the front of the line, ... Sat, 9 Oct 2010 07:08:18 EST AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I give up and present my articles of surrender. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3700918 I begin again. I lost weight. I gained weight. I tried things. I thought I knew better. No I thought I knew best. <BR> I read. I studied, It weaked. I controlled. <BR> <BR> If Ik new what I was doing I'd feel better about my body. I've tried giving up before but this time the defeat is total. <BR> <BR> Here's the interesting thing, except for my weight, I've never been happier. My health is improving, my relationships are fulfilling, I have peace.... until I look in the mirror. <BR> <... Fri, 8 Oct 2010 06:58:12 EST Fairy Tales do come true http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3305744 So I joined sparkpeople to replace weight watchers-- looking for a free way to count calories and fitness. I joined groups cuz it was a recommended idea. <BR> <BR> I lost some weight. I'm healthier than I've been in years but that seems secondary to what has really happened. <BR> <BR> As I began to take care of myself in combinationation with doing a blog and reading blogs, something deep began to stir. Like Sleeping Beauty I began to awake from a hundred year old sleep. While it fe... Sun, 6 Jun 2010 11:06:11 EST My truth about being middle aged and out of shape http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3294968 Forget the cute "I put my keys in the refridgerator" or the fact that I occaisionally forget the name of the animal that meows or how to spell that animal. Being out of shape during my autumn has more dire consequences than being forgettful or random. <BR> I'm bone tired when I get home from work. All I want is to sit. Lifes passes by because I so weary. That's about oxygen. My heart and brain don't get enough. I don't have much overall stamina. Yet, the more I exercise the more life... Wed, 2 Jun 2010 23:34:29 EST Going Grey and Becoming Authentic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3283435 Last week at my bi monthly haircoloring I decided to ask my hair dresser to color my hair as natural. I'm white at the crown and salt, pepper, and auburn underneath but I've been having my hair coloedr brunette to look younger. <BR> It makes me feel old, fighting the skunk stripe at my roots. I hate the cost. During this time of economic crisis it seems ridiculous to spend so much just to try and look younger. So on a whim, I'm went mostly grey. By August I'll be all grey, <BR> ... Sun, 30 May 2010 22:24:33 EST Gratitude http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3279138 I'm grateful for finding the Bible passage that directs us to focus on what is true, noble and beautiful. After reading that I realized how much time is spent on thinking about what is vague, wrong, and ugly. Focusing on those things creates hoplessness and judgement and leads me toward bitterness and malaise. <BR> I don't want to be that person. I want to see the beauty that surrounds me. <BR> I'm grateful that I know I can change. that I know that with effort and faith all things are ... Sat, 29 May 2010 08:31:18 EST Between WW and Spark- Its the People by a Mile http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3259091 Several weeks ago my husband and I went back to Weight Watchers. The points thing just works for me. Not wanting to log in at two web cites, I stopped "sparking". <BR> <BR> No one reads my blogs and no one missed me so there was no loss there. But the point is not that others don't read my blogs, its the blogs that I read. I read so many here and those voices give me so so much. While at Spark I fed off the strength and hope of some truly amazing people. Because of them, I kept from fe... Sun, 23 May 2010 10:42:31 EST Smart Goals and my Six Flags Life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3205625 Specific Measurable Action realistic time oriented goals have never worked for me. My life is too much like a theme park. I feel as though I stuck on the Runaway Mine Train. Its both wonderfully thrilling and terrifying at the same time. I always get stuck on the Realistic part of goal setting Fri, 7 May 2010 14:59:31 EST How the Faith Workout wasn't for a while http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3195325 I've noticed that when I really turn my life over to God, life goes crazy. As if all the garbage in the area of life that I'm concerned about has to come to light and get thrown out before good stuff happens. What's interesting is that as often as this pattern has happened, I forget about it. <BR> <BR> This time is no different. <BR> <BR> I believed. I turned over and whamo. Adult family bickering turned into lawsuits. Father/brother/son battles turned into war. My charity/service ef... Tue, 4 May 2010 21:30:00 EST Day Two of Building my Faith Muscle --- I'm ready for a workout http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3153884 I planned my food last night and threw that plan in air and ate the cupcakes on m plate. <BR> I did do my planned exercise-- and felt great but... it wasn't running. It was on the elyptical and for some reason my mind yells that that's not good enough. <BR> I'm blogging this once but wanted to about a bazillion times; the problem with this blog is that I read everyone else's blog and it seems that I'm not loosing as much as the rock stars.. so I doubt myself. <BR> <BR> Wait-a-minute what h... Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:48:12 EST Day One of Trust http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3150298 If I'm going to trust me. If I'm going to trust me in the program. If I'm going to limit my Spark Time therefore my fitness thought obsession. If I'm going to do this it means: <BR> I plan my food the night before <BR> I plan my exercise the night before. <BR> I blog once about my day after I've logged my food and exercise. <BR> I do that and then I trust... I trust that I will move and loose. <BR> Oh by the way, my daughter in law said "God you look great". Enough to begin to trust. Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:53:31 EST Faith in Me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3146506 I check into Spark people as if the number of log in points will equal pounds lost. I look for magic to turn back the clock, dial down the scale and shrink my pant size. <BR> <BR> I have forgotten that the magic is spelled consistancy not Log-in. <BR> <BR> I am trusting the number of blogs read or written to reduce my waist size when my real fairy-godmother is me. <BR> I am eating well and exercising. <BR> <BR> I feel better than I have in months.. no, years. <BR> <BR> I am doing. I ... Wed, 21 Apr 2010 21:06:59 EST Tough http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3142584 Ok Sunday I committed to trusting/following the Spark program and letting my obsession with diets go. My idea is too replace my effort with prayer and visualization. But I've been focusing on weight, diet, exercise for so long that stopping the thought process is tougher than dieting. <BR> <BR> If my hypothesis is right this is one of the reasons I'm not loosing. Its because the weight is all I think about. If I can't let it go in my head, how can l let it go from my body? <BR> <BR> Was... Tue, 20 Apr 2010 21:21:27 EST My Powerpoint/collage of what I want http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3136112 A beautiful morning with nothing to do, so I thought I'd try to make a computer generated video collage of what I wanted. It turned into a several hour project and a powerpoint presentation. The process was invaluable for me. It made me really decide on what /where my values are right now. <BR> While I made it for me if here's the link for anyone who'd like to view it. Click on the link below . The presentation is called life will only get better. Acrobat.com is down so you might not... Mon, 19 Apr 2010 11:13:00 EST