BETH150's SparkPeople Blog BETH150's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Terrible News! I am not ready to talk (much) about it but after all these months of feeling so horrible, I finally know why. <BR> <BR> I have MS! <BR> <BR> I have decided that I am not (currently) going to go with the traditional medical treatments as of all the nasty - awful side effects. <BR> <BR> I am putting together my "team" of holistic health people. <BR> <BR> This decision is subject to change down the road but for now this is what I feel is best for me. <BR> <BR> I am still trying to come to ... Sun, 21 Apr 2013 11:22:50 EST Grandson & Life Update: I am so very sorry (again!) for not being around. My 3 yr old Grandson ended up in ICU at a special Children's Hospital! We came quite close to losing him!!! This flu is NO joke!!!!!! 2 children died that were in ICU area with him :( <BR> <BR> I stayed at my daughters home while her & her hubby stayed at the hospital with the baby. My other 4 Grandkids got it and were quite sick as well. 1 almost ended up in hospital too. <BR> <BR> Then I got it and laid "passed out" with 104 temps for ov... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 12:02:43 EST prayers please!!!!!!! Our 3 yr old grandson is being taken to Children's Hospital via ambulance right now. He has the flu and breathing issues! Prayers please! Tue, 5 Feb 2013 12:21:11 EST I just want normal problems! I wish I had normal problems! Instead of horrible back pain and other serious health issues. Instead of HUGE $$ issues. Instead of marriage issues. <BR> Right now I am waiting on a call from my daughter to see if my 3 yr old GS has to be admitted to the hospital from this horrible flu going around that ALL of my grand-kids have had but the poor little one has the worst. :( <BR> <BR> Yesterday while on the phone with her trying to support her MY husband is in the back ground telling me I am ... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 11:23:05 EST I am back - Finally! Wow! Not a good wow either :( My last fall has really taken a terrible toll on me in all aspects of my life. Pain consumed me 24/7. I just could not get a grip on it and was almost non functional in all areas of my life. There was not 1 position that helped, not sitting, laying, standing etc. I took all my meds, tried everything my Drs suggested and I just could not escape the pain. <BR> <BR> Being in pain at that high of a level (which was very high) for days on end had a result of depress... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 12:56:28 EST Injuried! Prayers Please. I fell last Thursday night & broke a rib and injured my back (I have a serious spine injury already) even more and am in massive major pain. <BR> <BR> I have not been able to fully take care of the family problem I originally took a leave for before this happened. So on top of this I still have to deal with that issue. <BR> <BR> It hurts to sit, stand or walk so I have not been able to get here to post this until tonight. <BR> <BR> If someone could (again) please post on my teams that I a... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 01:00:21 EST Going away! Please Read. This is very brief as it is all I have time to write. <BR> <BR> I have a family matter to take care of & need to leave SP for a few days. My Apologies! I hope to return by Sunday Jan 6th. I have no time to let my teams or any one know. I am so so sorry. <BR> <BR> If you are on a team that I am a leader on, please please post this to my team for me! I don't have time to get to all my teams to post it myself :( <BR> <BR> It is not a crisis, so NO WORRIES but it is something I need to go "of... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 00:14:32 EST You Will Never Really Know! I want to take a minute and say "Thank You" to each of you who post in my blog, make a comment on my page, send me a email, give me a goodie or in any way show me your support. <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> You will never really know how much these "little" acts of kindness mean to me. <BR> <BR> NOT to be pity-ed in any way but I do want you to understand why I am so appreciative. <BR> <BR> I get NO support in any way other then online. I have no one who notices I am having a bad day, or I a... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 14:19:16 EST I AM DOING IT!!! :) I may be doing "it" (it being my goals posted in my last blog) very slowly but I AM Doing IT! <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> The wonderful thing about this gift is it just keeps on giving to me. Each & every step I take makes me want to take another one & another one. I also am becoming more & more sure of myself that I CAN do this. <BR> <BR> I am becoming more & more determined. I WILL finish "it". :) <BR> <BR> I also am seeing improvements in my self esteem. I have wanted this new hair cut/st... Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:48:53 EST A Christmas Gift To Me: My Gift(s) To Me <BR> <BR> This year is a really extra rough year $$ wise. But I am NOT complaining! We have jobs, a home, food, heat, running vehicles and many other material blessings. It is not easy right now but we are doing it & we don't have it nearly as rough as many people do. <BR> <BR> Plus I was just blessed with a new puppy that I have wanted for many many yrs. now - a Boston Terrier Juliet who is 11 weeks old now (I've had her 2 weeks). My other fur child is a Mini Schnauzer - 9... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:33:28 EST Today 12/12/12 I Vow To Thee Beth On This Day I Do To Thee Vow. <BR> <BR> As with most traditional wedding ceremonies, vows are said, commitments are made & the future is bright & full of dreams and promises. <BR> <BR> The big difference in my “wedding” is there is no groom. There is no wedding. <BR> <BR> There is only ME. <BR> <BR> Yet still... vows are said, commitments are made & the future is bright & full of dreams and promises. <BR> <BR> ********************************** <BR> <BR> On this day of December 12, ... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:54:36 EST Just a speechless vent. I am rarely (as in never lol) left speechless - until today. <BR> <BR> We have a brand new puppy who we have had for 1 week, she is 10 weeks old and is a true runt. She requires middle of the night feedings. Hub agreed from day 1 he would do them, as I get to bed about 2 AM and he gets home about 5 to 6 AM (that is his feed) and then I am back up at 10 AM. <BR> <BR> Today I get up to a note from him that she seemed sleepy so he skipped the feed and her time out of crate (he always lets her ... Tue, 11 Dec 2012 13:59:02 EST On This Day I Thee - DIVORCE! *For those who have followed my marriage issues, here is the summary* <BR> <BR> On Friday December 7, 2012 I, Beth do declare myself DIVORCED from my husband. <BR> <BR> I am divorced from your abuse, your temper, your head games, your meanness, your jealousness, your control, your spite, your negative attitude and any other area of you and/or this relationship that I find harmful to myself in any way. I Thee Divorce my heart, my soul and my being from you! <BR> <BR> Because of your health ... Sat, 8 Dec 2012 00:03:57 EST My Tool Box Of Success Tools If you have been reading my blogs you know I face many serious and at times crisis level challenges in my life. <BR> <BR> I decided to post this blog as I know several of you really do care about me & I don't want you to worry or wonder about me. <BR> <BR> I am gathering up tools for my success! <BR> <BR> List Of Tools: <BR> <BR> 1. I have had 3 SP people reach out to me privately & offer their friendship, support & knowledge. All three of them have a different type of knowledge & experi... Sat, 24 Nov 2012 15:30:46 EST Cont... From My Marriage Or Divorce Blog This will not make any sense to you if you have not read the original blog at: <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5133489 </link> <BR> <BR> I held off posting a update for a few reasons. 1. I was waiting until we had another therapy appt (which we did & I will share how that went). <BR> 2. My Dr thought I had a heart attack, so I had to get tests done & I was a tad busy dealing with that ;) <BR> 3. I really did not want to infringe on anyone with a... Fri, 23 Nov 2012 00:41:33 EST Part 2. The hard part cometh soon... Note* Just a FYI - This blog may not make any sense to you if you have not read my previous 2 blogs/posts. I am doing kind of journal style and one blog picks up where the last one left off - well at least for these past 3 blogs I am :) <BR> <BR> So tomorrow (monday) is D-Day. The day I am spilling the beans to the team about hub. I am looking forward to it in some ways & in other dreading it. It's like a big wound I have that I know will feel better after it is stitched up ;) <BR> <BR> Cle... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 22:53:14 EST Mad Lady on the Loose! I'm regaining control! When I am upset I clean & organize. When I am really super upset I clean & organize like a crazy women! ;) <BR> <BR> I have always been like this, since I was a teenager. <BR> Since my spine injury my clean like a fean days have been quite limited. <BR> <BR> So I guess I am in a rage lol as I have cleaned & organized like a fean again today! The first time in a very long time. OMG - it feels sooooo good. Hurts like a itch but inside me I feel good!!! :) <BR> <BR> Since getting both knees ... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 00:03:11 EST A very very RAW & Ugly Vent. Marriage or Divorce? I am seriously warning any one who starts to read this blog. It is a very raw & ugly vent. It is probably not coming from a person (that would be me lol) who has too many give a craps left in her a this point. If you read it & feel the need to tell me how I need to be more understanding, patient blah blah, please for the sake of my sanity - please don't! <BR> I gave the idea of posting this here very serious thought. I started to post & removed it at least 3 times. I finally decided to post i... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 00:51:03 EST Why do I (you) run from success? I have heard the phrase a zillion times "I am afraid of success". I have always thought but never said out loud - no it's not success you fear, it's failure! <BR> <BR> But that really is a mute point as what IT is I sure as hell run from it! A LOT!!!!!! <BR> <BR> This summer I was down to 208 lbs the lowest I have been in close to 15 yrs and here I sit back at my highest weight ever (again) 267.5 <BR> <BR> I have a wonderful wonderful, fun, interesting, well paying new career right at the ... Sat, 20 Oct 2012 23:40:04 EST WHY ? WHY ? WHY Do I Do This To Myself!?!?! Sigh.... I came (back) here at 259. lbs and lost 9 lbs in my first 3 weeks and within 2 more weeks I am up to 264!!!!!!!! This past spring I was down to 208 & was SO close to seeing under 200 in over 28ish years! My highest weight was 267.5 and I have not been above 230ies in several yrs. Until now! <BR> <BR> I am SOOOOOO mad at myself! I am mad mad mad! <em>101</em> <BR> <BR> BUT I am binge eating! I wanna scream! Why would I be so upset with myself for gaining weight & turn around and binge ea... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 23:58:40 EST Oh NO She Didn't!!!!!!! Making a long story short. My ex left me and went back to his ex - yeah I know gross. Reminds me of when a dog eats his own vomit, but tucking the (b)itchy side away for now and moving forward...... <BR> <BR> She always had a weight issue and secretly I was happy she did. Yeah I know "have I NO shame"??? Hey this person made my life a living he** for over 13 yrs. <BR> <BR> I have not seen her in person in over 12 yrs at least but did see some pics of her taken about 5 yrs ago and grinned wh... Thu, 4 Oct 2012 00:28:38 EST I started a NEW Team! Go Into The New Year 2013 With Success!! There are 120 days until Jan 1, 2013 <BR> I made my first blog here today & posted my Sep goals in it. Then this evening the thought camt to me to set some BIG goals for Jan 1, 2013. WoW! It sure would be wonderful to bring in the New Year celebrating goals I HAVE already reached, instead of thinking about the ones I still want/need to reach. <BR> <BR> Oh light bulb moment! <em>189</em> I wonder if I am alone in this thought? maybe I should start a team of doing the count down till New Y... Mon, 3 Sep 2012 00:03:32 EST My Goals (weight loss & other misc goals) For September 2012 I was going to make my first blog an about me blog. But I have a real NEED to write down my goals and not enough time to do both about me & my goals. I will do an about me post as soon as time allows. I really like about me blogs, as it helps me to get to know the person so much better and hence I feel I can offer them more support. <BR> <BR> OK to my sep goals - Most of my goals are goals I NEED to do either as they NEED done or I NEED to do them so I can move forward with other goals. At t... Sun, 2 Sep 2012 16:33:25 EST