BESSHAILE's SparkPeople Blog BESSHAILE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The Thrum of Guilt - and A Little Help From TheBrains <em>58</em> I am thoroughly loving retirement and for that first month I indulged in days and days of doing exactly what I felt like doing. Lots of naps. Lots of walks with the dogs. Lots of re-reading favorite authors. But as the calendar turned over from Retirement-Birthday-Party-September into Brisk October, a little twinge of guilt - just a pinch - <BR> but definitely a pinch - of concern about "wasting my life" began to niggle my spirit. I want to nip this in the bud and I thought I c... Tue, 3 Oct 2017 08:26:14 EST Is TIME Your Friend or Your Enemy? TheBrains weigh in This is a debate question an elderly couple told me they loved to argue whenever they didn't have anything else to talk about. He said it was his friend - she claimed it was her enemy. When she told me this I thought .... <BR> <BR> Of Course it's your friend. How would we get anything done if we didn't have time to regulate things? <BR> <em>43</em> Of Course! <BR> Time is like money - it's how we achieve our desires, once we've prioritized them. Want a new dress? Earn the money for it, o... Tue, 26 Sep 2017 09:42:13 EST Today is my BUHTHday That's how Paul McCartney says it in this youtube clip and I just love it. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Hope all the birthday girls and guys out there are "gonna have a good time" Thu, 21 Sep 2017 07:12:20 EST An Unexpected Retirement Benefit? I knew I'd catch up with my sleep when I retired and I suspected I'd have more time for exercise. I am and I have and I'm loving it. But yesterday, while trekking through my Enchanted Forest <img src=""> <BR> I had a bit of an epiphany. <BR> <BR> I wasn't thinking about what I was going to eat later in the day. <BR> <BR> This obsession with what I'd eat next has bothered me for a long time. It's a mind rut I'd f... Mon, 11 Sep 2017 08:22:13 EST What's Your Why? The Maintenance Edition There are lots of reasons for losing weight - health, appearance, mobility, pain control ... even social pressure or a job requirement. You know why you want to do this so you look for HOWS and choose WHENS and decide on WHATS. It will be lots of work but you knew that coming in. Fortunately, so much help is out there you are sure to be able to tailor your weight loss program to fit perfectly. You learn new things. You find new passions. You change your diet, your routine, and your wardrobe.... Sun, 10 Sep 2017 09:20:21 EST Pre-holiday Body Motivation So. <BR> It's September <BR> Ooooo - Birthday Month! <BR> And it's the first September when I have had total control over my schedule. Not even a child to look after. Just me me me me me. Ha. well. that's not true at all, but it's the first September in a long time when I didn't have many constraints on my time. <BR> <BR> And Birthday Month plus weather change plus knowing that Christmas is up ahead,(Yay!!!) with the opportunity to Dress Up, gets me to thinking about what sort of holiday bod... Wed, 6 Sep 2017 09:39:10 EST My Mad Dash To The Finish Line It came. <BR> <BR> That last day of werk. <BR> <BR> Last hour of that last day of werk. <BR> <BR> Last minute of that last hour of that last day of werk. <BR> <BR> And in true ENFP style - I wasn't finished yet. I'd spent too much time chatting and talking and flirting to get it all done. <BR> <BR> Not, mind you, all the work that could have been done to make everything perfect perfect perfect. Just the sorta-finished last work that had to be done to make me feel that I had fulfilled ... Sat, 2 Sep 2017 07:05:06 EST The Last Week of Werk And so it begins. The last 5 days of my working life lie before me - each day with its old familiar routines - its open possibilities - its choices. <BR> <BR> Mostly I am ready for this change. Almost completely. This doesn't mean I have everything in order. I've left all sorts of things undone and I'm not sure if I don't care because ... I just can't care any more or if I don't care because I think the new director will have fun discovering things I forgot to tell her. But I have done as ... Sun, 27 Aug 2017 08:24:15 EST Hams Ford, Virginia Years ago, I'm guessing maybe 1990, Himself and I drove home from the Blue Ridge foothills through winding back roads. He is a cartographer, a land surveyor and geography buff. As we neared the Spottsylvania/Caroline County line he said "Would you like to drive across the last ford in the Virginia highway department's system? <BR> <BR> Well - who wouldn't? <BR> <BR> It was high summer and we'd had some heavy thunderstorm activity the previous day. All the streams and creeks were high. We'... Sun, 20 Aug 2017 07:47:44 EST Cogitating on Ruminating (sung to the tune of Calculatus Eliminatus from the movie Cat in the Hat <BR> <link> </link> ) <BR> <BR> <BR> Cogitating on Ruminating <BR> Is it right or is it wrong? <BR> Is it helpful is it harmful? <BR> Figure it out-in-the words-of-a song <BR> Ruminating on Cogitations <BR> Keeps you locked in a mental cage <BR> The way to find your happiness is <BR> To let go of buried rage <BR> <BR> I love even the concept of self improvement, not only beca... Sun, 6 Aug 2017 09:00:52 EST Hunger Games And in this instance something of a hide'n'seek game because I never did get hungry. A slight peckishness tickled my tummy around 6 o'clock but real hunger, in this case, just wasn't going to show up yesterday. Of course, the day after a rather large restaurant meal might not be a day to feel hunger, but in that case, it was also probably a day when I didn't need much food anyway. Still - there were some insights I drew from the experiment. <BR> <BR> I am so clock driven. As noon drew near ... Fri, 4 Aug 2017 06:30:51 EST Harping On and On At least - I have one final thing to say about nutrition bars. <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> (psst. Two. Two things) <BR> <BR> Oh. Right. Two final things. First thing - this blogging is all about memememe and how to figure out what works for memememe. I have absolutely no opinion about how other people like, hate, feel, use, don't use, nutrition bars. It is so completely none of my business - which doesn't mean I am not interested in what other people do. It just means I am not judging anybody... Thu, 3 Aug 2017 07:57:16 EST We Do Grow Up When I was a little girl I loved to create imaginary worlds I could slip into when the real world was either scary or boring. It was a favorite thing to do before I went to sleep - create my perfect magic world - and the one I visited the most, to tweak, to explore, to create, was the Magic Candy World. <BR> <BR> The Magic Candy World was made of hardened sugar like those panoramic Easter eggs made of white sugar hardened, hollow inside with a little cardboard scene held in place by royal fr... Wed, 2 Aug 2017 08:01:12 EST To Blog or Not To Blog I can't begin to say how much I value the blogs I read on Spark People. I have met some powerfully interesting people, some funny ones, some kind ones, and some amazingly wise ones - writers who have helped me along the way. I'm inspired by them in two ways - to make changes in my life and to emulate them by blogging myself. Not that I don't blog some - TheBrains don't let me sit silent too long, but those regular bloggers who have a thought or a kind word or a message to share every day real... Tue, 1 Aug 2017 07:15:53 EST I What I Want When I Want What I Want (warning, TheBrains are feeling goofy) <em>43</em> HA HA HAAA <BR> <em>18</em> Raucous cackles <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Of course, that's not true. <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> No no no no no! I want to want what I want <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> No no. That's not it <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> Well - you know what I want, you know <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Splutter <BR> <em>18</em> giggle <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> You say it - I can't stop laughing. <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> (gasping with laughter) I know, you know <BR> <BR>... Thu, 27 Jul 2017 07:06:47 EST Rough Ground Plan Progress Report About 2 weeks ago TheBrains and I came up with a plan to reach a small goal by September 1. I've been hovering over the top limit of my weight range since Christmas and, not only do I want to get back to goal, I am pretty sure I would like to lower the happy weight number to something more in the middle of the classic weight charts weight range. <BR> <BR> Well - what gobbledegook. <BR> <BR> Here are the specs: <BR> <BR> Goal weight 150 <BR> WW ... Wed, 26 Jul 2017 08:10:08 EST Happiness - more thoughts Because it is so easy to get into a rant-like state when a small irritation strikes me, I may have sounded contemptuous of the viacharacter psychological test in yesterday's post. I was not. I'm not even contemptuous of the frivolous, image driven ones on silly topics like what my inner fruit is. <BR> <BR> And because it's even easier to get into a pointless and hurtful "nuh uh / uh huh" wrangle on the internet I think I ought to qualify things a bit by saying that I went back to look and... Tue, 25 Jul 2017 07:38:49 EST Happiness Is a Choice At least - that's an assertion I've made most of my life - especially when I'm around negative people who complain all the time. Even when I am pretty far down in my own slough of despond there is a voice that whispers to me "you are choosing this, you know." That whispering voice is often the one lifeline I can cling to - and it's also a little embarrassing since .... if happiness is a choice, isn't UNhappiness? <BR> <BR> I have been enjoying Sparker Watermellen's blogposts on the psychol... Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:01:34 EST Helping a Buddy Out of Denial So I looked up restaurant style shrimp and grits on the WW calculator - since she'd told me she'd had a home made butter'n'cheese laden version of it over the weekend. It came to 30 points, which in WW terms means an entire day's worth of calories. Buddy #2 dropped by my office yesterday, dressed in her adorable flirty new dress that makes her look so chic and young and attractive. Right away she brought up her frustration with her lack of progress. One year ago she'd lost almost 50 lbs. Th... Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:12:24 EST The Benefits and Burdens of a Buddy I don't suppose any woman (or man) can do this weight loss/weight management thing all by herself. Even if she is a Jack Horner sitting in a corner suddenly standing up with a weight loss plum, I doubt she did it all alone. She likely used books and websites and on-line trackers - maybe even had a doctor to check up with. But some of us really like to have a buddy as we work our way to goal and through the process of staying there. At the WW meeting I attend there are 3 sisters who have been... Wed, 19 Jul 2017 08:14:36 EST Getting Over Rough Ground - a chat with TheBrains When July 1 rolled around and I had closed the books on FY17 the scariest part of the summer was over. The scariest part of my last complete fiscal year as library director. Next year someone else will be doing that. It went alright - spent enough but not too much and it's really not my problem any more anyway. However it shows up in the autumnal report - it's still not my problem. And under ordinary circumstances I would probably have had a sort of collapsing whooshing sort of weekend where ... Thu, 13 Jul 2017 17:48:18 EST Sharing the Goodness Here is a blogpost that brought me the best chuckle - totally caught off guard. I was a huge Clinton&Kelly fan - even though I didn't have cable tv and only got to watch the show What Not To Wear if I was in a hotel. <BR> <BR> Hope y'all enjoy this as much as I did - and if you do, be sure to click the "like" button. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6380248 </link> Sat, 1 Jul 2017 07:46:49 EST Depression - a harsh but valuable teacher Writing isn’t just a task. It can be a confidant, a therapist, a good parent, a best friend, a channel to wisdom you didn't know you had. <BR> <BR> ~ Martha Beck <BR> <BR> So today I feel like writing this as a memory to my future self - 'cause some clear truths are coming into focus and I don't want to forget them. I want to touch on depression - because now I am coming out of it and I want to remind myself - both present and future self - how easily I can slip to the very bottom of the pi... Wed, 28 Jun 2017 08:07:51 EST and then He said "You're so first world" I keep meaning to blog as little thoughts and ideas, responses to other people's posts and words, all those prompts get me thinking ... and then I crash into the wall of time. Time and also ... a sort of reticence built of a combination of knowing my ideas are not fully formed and perhaps not the sort of thing I want to put out there anyway. <BR> <BR> Which prompts the question ... why do I blog at all? do I want to pretend I am important? Do I want to draw everyone's attention to memememe... Thu, 22 Jun 2017 07:57:54 EST Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places Had my 6 mo. check-up yesterday. The blood work numbers were good but not as good as last time. And my weight was up too, no surprise. 2017 has had a whole lotta emotional eating - standing in front of the refrigerator eating ice cream from the box, standing by the sink, eating slices of bread with butter on them - after dinner. Yeah. Not good. And yes. I do know that if I didn't have that stuff in the house I wouldn't be eating it ... but I can promise you - I would have been eating somethin... Fri, 16 Jun 2017 07:54:28 EST You Never Forget Your First Love And my first kinesthetic love - my first handy crafty make-it love - was sewing. Of course I loved the clothes that resulted from sewing, but it was the act of sewing that truly thrilled. I'd learned some rudimentary sewing from mother around age 7 but it wasn't till the summer I was 12 that I actually sat down at a machine - and I knew I'd found a home. The class was taught by the home ec. teacher at the high school and she held a 1 week sewing class every summer. Sitting before that machine... Sun, 14 May 2017 07:50:18 EST TheBrains Are Feelin' Hot Hot Hot HOT HOT HOT - the song <BR> <BR> <link><BR>Sk8O1u4 </link> <BR> <BR> That's the kind of hot hot hot they were looking for. I haven't a clue what most of the lyrics are in that song but it's from the movie Bend it like Beckham and it's about a girl who insists on becoming who she dreams of being. She loves her friends, her family, her society, but she does not sacrifice herself for someone else's dreams. She becomes the woman she wants to be. She does i... Thu, 11 May 2017 07:53:54 EST Must Do those Must-Doooz -TheBrains Surface This has been the winter of stalling. It's the longest I've been over my goal weight in 4 years. Not wildly over my goal weight - not 10 lbs - more like 5 - but I don't like it. I so very much don't like it that I'm beginning to lose the confidence that I look like a Hot hot hot almost 65 year old lady. Even though I am wearing the clothes I wore last year and the year before, when I DID think I looked like a Hot-hot-hot old lady I'm losing that certain something that makes my life run smooth... Wed, 10 May 2017 07:41:21 EST Breaking the long silence I've always thought of myself as someone who embraced change. But there is one kind of change I actually run shrieking from - the change of closure. I can honestly only remember 2 times when TheEnd was something I ... well ... embraced: High School Graduation and Moving To The Country. Both of these closure/changes were made early in my life when the future spread out before me like some Arcadian landscape. <BR> <img src=" Sat, 29 Apr 2017 07:40:09 EST Some Maintenance Anniversary Thoughts I knew it was coming. I never remember the official date but it's somewhere in March. I could probably dig out the exact date - well - heck - of course I could - but knowing the month is good enough for me. <BR> <BR> And that about sums up the gist of maintenance. On maintenance I have to know what is good enough. <BR> <BR> Mind now, I think it's important to have ideals. To have goals. To have targets to aim for. I am enough of a 20th century babe to believe that striving forward is good ... Wed, 22 Mar 2017 07:49:42 EST Conversation Overheard In The Kitchen <em>18</em> Next time just eat the d**n ice cream sandwich. <BR> <em>43</em> Sigh. You're right. What a lot of junk we ate looking for the delight that ice-cream sandwich represented. Mind now, it probably wouldn't have been as delightful as you thought it would be .... <BR> <em>18</em> well - it would sure have been better than snacking handfulls out of the granola bag. <BR> <em>43</em> Sigh. I know. You're such a brat. <BR> <em>18</em> I am not! <BR> <em>43</em> Eating sp... Tue, 21 Feb 2017 06:48:20 EST TheBrains Screw Up and We Talk About It <em>58</em> Okay guys - come out and talk to me. <BR> <em>18</em> Huh? <BR> <em>43</em> Yes? How can we help you? <BR> <em>58</em> You can tell me why we didn't pre-track our meals yesterday, like we said we would. <BR> <em>43</em> Carpe Diem! <BR> <em>18</em> (Slapping a hand to her chest) I live in the moment! Smelling roses! <BR> <em>58</em> You mean you wanted to eat without thinking about it <BR> <em>43</em> (blushing) I thought I was thinking about it. She just kept whi... Sun, 19 Feb 2017 08:18:26 EST A Tiny Conflict in The Grand Scheme So. So. Today is Valentine's Day. Today is also day #1 of my Weight Watcher week. I'll weigh in today and start using up the daily and weekly points. We get 30 points a day (about 1250 calories) and 28 extra points a week that we can use or not - all at once or spread out in any way that works. In weight maintenance mode I have to make sure that 3 days a week I have to stay at 30 points. In weight loss mode I have to make that 4 days a week. If I'm in a hurry I will go 5 days a week but I alw... Tue, 14 Feb 2017 07:53:15 EST YES! It worked! But you have to read the long backstory first. bwa ha haaaaa Because this blog is first and foremost, my mental dumping ground where I can sort out all the stuff in my head. Imagine upending your junk drawer on the floor and sitting down to sort through the whole pile, categorizing, sifting, tossing, keeping. Yeah. That's why I blog. So - sorry for the verbosity. I will get to the point eventually. Sometime. Tomorrow. At Tara. <BR> <BR> Ever since Jan. 20, when I reached a sort of pinnacle at werk, I've been discombobulated. The brain stopped being ... Sat, 11 Feb 2017 08:11:17 EST TheBrains and I Wonder: Who Did We Think We Were Fooling? <em>58</em> Not you, gentle readers, that's for sure. Or anyone who was lookin' at me or eating with me or anywhere else on earth. So what deception did I think I was perpetuating? <BR> <BR> I'll begin with a paraphrased quote from Paul McKenna, a British self help author who uses hypnotism to work with clients. In his book "I Can Make You Thin" he says that people who are overweight think about food all the time ... except when they are eating ... when they scarf down everything on their... Thu, 9 Feb 2017 07:21:35 EST Tweaking the Program So I am coming up on my 4 year maintenance anniversary and I am not really at goal. I'm not too far away but I am now out of the wiggle spread of 2 lbs from goal and I'll tell ya somethin'. <BR> <BR> I don't like it one bit. <BR> <BR> When I'm this much over goal (6 lbs, btw) I feel squishy. All my favorite skirts bind at the waist - so I wear the same stretchier things over and over. Mind now, I like those stretchy clothes as much as the less forgiving ones - but wearing the same clothes... Mon, 6 Feb 2017 08:04:31 EST Grandparents Class - So Glad I'm Not A Millennial So. The What's New For Grandparents class turned out to be something else. Of course, I'm interested in all things new baby, but when I was expecting I just figured the grandparents would kiss and spoil my baby and I would take care of the rest. I hadn't planned on asking them advice. I already thought I knew most everything and I had a book that told me the rest. <BR> Still and all - I'm enough of a woman - and librarian - to be curious about all the juicy details of reproduction. Himself,... Sun, 15 Jan 2017 07:55:30 EST The Poor New Year's Resolution - It Gets Such A Bad Rap And do you know what a RAP is? It stands for Record of Arrests and Prosecutions so it's already a bad thing to get. And a bad rap could be a good thing - when viewed as a double negative. Or perhaps a bad rap is a false record of arrests and prosecutions and should really be called a bum rap, which is slang from prohibition times - and in gangster movies staring Edward G Robinson. <BR> <BR> Sic semper ENFP <BR> <BR> I was really prompted to write about resolutions - because the media is ch... Sat, 31 Dec 2016 07:41:54 EST How TheBrains Finish Up 2016 <em>58</em> I haven't heard from TheBrains in a long time - in fact, I'd forgotten all about them ... <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> Thanks <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Isn't that just like her? <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> Yeah, always pushing us aside <BR> <BR> <em>58</em> C'mon guys. You know that's not true. We've been busy - and you two have been working so well together we haven't had to sit down and get to the bottom of a problem. Besides, I did think of you yesterday and now I have opened u... Thu, 29 Dec 2016 07:43:25 EST What Makes You Feel Rich? Of course, it might be nice to actually be rich - but then - maybe not so much. If one is very rich maybe one has go about in protection mode - guarding against those who either want to steal those riches or just plain hate the rich. I wonder if the rich always have to be prepared - sort of like if you ever smoked. You had to be prepared. Did you have matches? Did you have cigarettes? Did you have coins for a machine if you were out or bills for a store. Were you over 16? I sometimes think t... Sat, 10 Dec 2016 18:29:12 EST Now That's Progress So here I am on the downside of the feast suddenly realizing I hadn't posted a peep since late October. I hate to repeat a refrain like this but .... it's been another hard month. I am getting so tired of hard months, days, weeks, years even! Something is wrong here and I think it isn't "these days" or "the times". I think it's "This Woman". Time to do a little repair work on my happiness generator. <BR> <BR> So. According to Miriam-Webster (now a dot com), the go-to font of all definitions ... Sat, 26 Nov 2016 09:11:29 EST The Voices of Women I grew up in an all girl house. My poor daddy had more pink undershirts - which we wore all the time instead of nightgowns, and which were constantly being tossed in the wash with our red clothes and coming out just the right shade of girlie-girl pink. He had 4 pink ones for every white one. He was always such a good sport about it but then, secretly, I always thought he had a really strong feminine side. When he got enough of us girls he'd put on an army uniform and head off to a reserves me... Sat, 29 Oct 2016 08:46:45 EST A Whole Stack-0-Slack Wow. When I posted 2 weeks ago about not holding myself to too strict a standard, I thought I'd be getting in some easy cardio exercise while easing myself into strength training again. I know I need to build more muscles and to tighten up some loose (also slack) abs and arms. What I did NOT count on was an attack of shingles and a hurricane that would keep me indoors and indolent. Fortunately it was a mild attack, caught early after I'd already had the vaccine, so I haven't had the oozing or... Sat, 15 Oct 2016 07:58:23 EST Cutting Myself Some Slack <img src=""> <BR> <BR> September was a slug of a month, fitness wise and the next three weeks will be more of the same. I would certainly define myself as someone who loves exercise and I'm no reluctant gym ... mouse. I might someday become the real thing - a gym rat - some day when I retire .. at Tara. But for the past few weeks and till mid October I am cutting myself some slack. Five big deal things at w... Sun, 2 Oct 2016 09:00:50 EST Mindless Meandering and a Blingless Chart My poor chart. I haven't even taken it out of the envelope all week. In fact - I will probably have to hunt for the envelope. TheBirthday consumed the whole week and the computer was insulted and quit working at home. Werk has no respect for birthdays either and this year Werk is particularly Werkish. It's massively heavy, mean and burdensome. Himself doesn't understand why this is so and keeps telling me that this time next year the New Library Director will have thrown out all my stuff anyw... Sat, 24 Sep 2016 09:06:05 EST Bling Chart 3 Fat Cells Zero <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I posted another pound down last night at the official WW weigh-in and I give full credit to the Bling Chart. This is impressive considering I don't even have it posted somewhere public. It's in a manila envelope along with the sheets of stickers and even that moves from hall table to dining table depending on which surface is the most cluttered. Not the best choice for a visual reminder an... Wed, 14 Sep 2016 06:56:49 EST TheBrains Ponder The Efficacy Of Rewards I was talking with someone yesterday about my chart and the bling stickers and how they're helping me when I suddenly realized why I don't respond well to rewards and I am so inspired by glitter bits. Now let's see if I can translate that AhHa sensation into language other people can understand. <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> You'll need my help. <BR> <em>18</em> But I'm the one who recognized it first. <BR> <BR> <em>58</em> True. You are both right. Well, LB - see if you can explain. RB -... Fri, 2 Sep 2016 08:31:28 EST TheBrains Make A Chart - and there is some retail therapy We did get all that werk done - or at least LeftBrain held us to task and RightBrain cooperated so that we got enough of it done - to earn the fun of making a chart to track those 3 smart goals. LeftBrain devised it and RightBrain created it. LeftBrain remembered to put stickers on the shopping list and RightBrain chose the stickers. <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> I'm RightBrain <BR> <em>43</em> I'm LeftBrain <BR> <BR> <em>58</em> And I'm the narrator - the synthesized wholeness of self. ... Wed, 31 Aug 2016 07:07:40 EST A Fresh Start with TheBrains Sweet. Inspired by this SparkPeople Blog <BR> <BR> <link><BR>st=start_fresh_for_fall_50_ways_to_tur<BR>n_over_a_new_leaf </link> <BR> <BR> I'm going to set Three New SMART Goals. These will be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. Just thinking about doing this feels like standing in front of the candy counter and trying to choose only 3. And since this is the week that holds the First Day Of September - which is BIRTHDAY MONTH !!!! ... Tue, 30 Aug 2016 07:57:17 EST Embrace The Weirdness So here I am, staring at the last 2 weeks of August. In 12 days it will be BIRTHDAY MONTH! And not just any birthday but my last birthday as a werkin' girl. Just over a year ago the VRS (that's Virginia Retirement System) sent me a letter saying I could retire with a full pension at 65. I have had this job for decades but I didn't go full-time-with-benefits till 1989. I wonder if I would have retired earlier if I had qualified for my pension sooner. I don't know. Probably not, because it wasn... Sat, 20 Aug 2016 09:07:44 EST