BERKANA_T's SparkPeople Blog BERKANA_T's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Feeling good today! I don't know what it is lately, but I've been on such an emotional roller coaster that half the time I don't know up from down. Today, despite all the questions and doubts, is a good day. <BR> <BR> My weight loss has stalled - I refuse to call it a plateau because to me a plateau is a high point, and weight loss is supposed to be a gradual decline. My motivation to keep going has been hit and miss. Some days I'm still good, exercising and watching what I eat. Other days, not so much. The th... Thu, 23 May 2013 12:13:32 EST A third of the way through the year...and looking good Well here it is, almost a full third of the way through the year, and I'm no further ahead than I was at the beginning of the year. My weight is about the same as it was in the beginning of January, having bounced up and down with the same 5 pounds for nearly 4 months. <BR> <BR> That being said, I have struggled with, and overcome illness, adjusting to a new diet because of food sensitivities, changes in medication including the addition of one which often causes weight gain (thankfully I'm ... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:21:56 EST Going the wrong way I stepped on the scale this morning and had to scold it for going the wrong way! The darn thing insisted on going up, when it's supposed to be going down! The audacity of it!! <BR> <BR> Exclamation points aside, it has been very disheartening this past week, watching the weight gradually creep back on, after I've worked so hard to get it off. My diet hasn't changed much. I had a few bad days, but not enough to account for the gains like this. My exercise hasn't decreased significantly, altho... Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:29:27 EST TTC Things have been rough for me lately. I've been battling some pretty significant depression, which leaves me listless, unmotivated, and inclined to eat junk. I'm just my calories have been way over my range pretty much every day, and my exercise has been less effective - yet I haven't gained a bunch of weight back, which is definitely a good thing! I'm still fluctuating the same 5 pounds that I've been fluctuating since Christmas. I'm actually ok with that, considering the situation. <BR> <B... Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:45:58 EST Getting back on track...again Today I worked out in the morning for the first time in over two weeks. To be fair to myself, I've been very ill, with quite a bit of chest congestion, so even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't have worked out. Just walking up the stairs left me gasping and wheezing like an 80 year old asthmatic. But still, the fact of the matter is that I sat on my butt for two whole weeks. <BR> <BR> It was hard to get up and get on the treadclimber this morning. But I managed to drag my backside out of bed, and... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:59:03 EST Mental Merry-Go-Round I woke up this morning with a headache that is well on it's way to becoming a full blown migraine. Yay me. Ah well, I'm toughing it out at work as long as I can. <BR> <BR> I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about so many things. <BR> <BR> I've been struggling with my focus in regards to my eating. Having to cut out all dairy has been hard enough, and then the doctor runs some additional blood work and from the results suggests that I may have sensitivies to a whole host of other foo... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 12:22:10 EST Rough day, week, month, year....Being whiny! I'm having a rough day today. This year has been one trial after another for me already, and I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it all today. <BR> <BR> The year started out with one heck of a virus that knocked me on my backside for nearly two weeks. Heck of a way to start the new year, with a third of my sick days from work being used up in the first week of work. And then recovering from that, the lactose intolerance thing kicked into high gear and kicked my backside repeatedly and severely ... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:41:13 EST Getting back on track I'm slowly figuring out this no dairy thing. I have become obsessive about reading the labels on food, not for the nutriotional information (although that is definitely still important to me), but for the far more important presence or absence of milk products. It is absolutely shocking the number of things that contain milk products. <BR> <BR> I've discovered that I can fairly safely eat at Subway and Wok Box, using reason of course, but that most of the other fast food and sit down restaur... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:48:13 EST can only get better from here... I started out 2013 with a lovely cold. Ear infection, sore throat, sinus and chest congestion, you name it, I had it. It started on the 30th of December and got progressively worse until it peaked with the worst symptoms on the 2nd of January. I've still got it, but the symptoms are nowhere near as bad...except for the infection in BOTH ears instead of one. That, by itself, is a great way to start the new year...really it is. <BR> <BR> BUT...add to that the increasingly worse symptoms associ... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 10:51:10 EST Yule Have a blessed Yule everyone!! <BR> <BR> I'm so excited this holiday season. For a change! I'm looking forward to my holiday feast with my daughter tonight, and I'm excited that my SO is going to be spending part of the night with us, even though his religious beliefs are different than ours. I'm looking forward to having the mom and pop in law up for Christmas, and spending time with them that's not part of a short visit during a trip to the city. I'm REALLY looking forward to having my dad... Fri, 21 Dec 2012 12:27:07 EST The bad-for-me-food-zombie.... I was thinking the other day, as I often do while sweating through my morning workout on the treadclimber, about this fitness/health/weight loss journey that I'm on. On that particular day I was thinking about the 10 lb weight loss markers that I'm using to measure my success, and I realized that every time I get close to one of those markers I tend to spend a few weeks bouncing up and down a few pounds before finally succeeding. <BR> <BR> I started wondering why that happens. After all, the... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 15:54:00 EST Bitter Cold It was -37C with the windchill this morning. That is just WAY too cold!! And the worst thing is, December is generally a good 10 degrees warmer than January around here. I'm not looking forward to next month at all! <BR> <BR> The good news is that it's supposed to warm up significantly over the next couple of days. I may actually be able to walk to work on Friday! It's been too cold to walk for the last 2 or 3 weeks, which has significantly reduced my work outs. When it was warm enough to wa... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:44:35 EST Yay for Monday! I know it's just not normal...but I'm actually happy it's Monday! <BR> <BR> My weekly weigh-in was down almost a pound; I managed to get a decent amount of sleep (although still nowhere close to the 8 hours they say you should get); and my knee was feeling pretty good so I managed to get a 25 minute work out in. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day and I can walk to work, getting my daily cardio back up to what it was before this last bout of knee pain. All in all, it's a good start to a ... Mon, 3 Dec 2012 12:23:30 EST Physio So I had my first appointment with the physiotherapist yesterday. She also thinks my doctor is a bit of a dipstick. Her stance is that he should have sent me to physio when I first starting having problems with my knee, because it could have saved me months of pain. She can't fix my knee, but she can definitely help. <BR> <BR> The hospital sent over my MRI results and my xrays, and the therapist went through them with me, explaining everything, using diagrams and a model of a normal knee. I ... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 12:48:50 EST Taking things into my own hands... After my angry rant yesterday about the medical profession here, I calmed down and decided to take things into my own hands. I called an made an appointment with a physiotherapist. Without a doctor's reference, physiotherapy is not covered by my medical insurance, so I'll have to pay for it myself. But at this point, it's worth it to me. If the physiotherapist says that they can really help me, then I'll go back to the doctor and go all stubborn until he gives me the referral so my insurance ... Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:16:09 EST ARGH!!!!! I'm so frustrated with the medical care up here!! I just got back from my doctor's appointment to find out the results of my MRI for my knee...the knee that has been causing me endless difficulty and pain...and all he could find was "minor damage, not consistent with your symptoms". Ok. So what next then? I know darn well I'm not faking it. I know darn well how easy it is to end up on the sofa for two days alternating ice and heat packs on my knee. And I'm darn well NOT going to take a pat on... Tue, 27 Nov 2012 15:28:53 EST Crunch My knee went crunch on Friday afternoon while walking up the driveway to the house. It does that at random moments, often for no apparent reason. The crunch meant no workout on Saturday, and a light workout today, paying very close attention to how my knee was feeling. <BR> <BR> It gets frustrating sometimes. I WANT to push harder, but if I do I risk injuring my knee. A nice long slow workout still burns calories, but slow workouts are boring. I like the challenge of a faster pace. But I'm ... Sun, 25 Nov 2012 12:03:02 EST Christmas party recovery This week has been all about recovering from the excess of calories consumed from my SO's company Christmas party last weekend. I don't usually drink, but it was incredibly boring, so I drank a lot more than I would have to make up for that, and in the process consumed several thousand calories in liquids alone! <BR> <BR> I tend to weigh every morning, even though I only have a formal weigh in once a week. I use the daily weigh in to monitor things...I do NOT use it to decide how hard/much I... Fri, 23 Nov 2012 13:23:54 EST Impatience I've been finding myself growing more and more impatient with my weight loss success the past few weeks. I've been going down every week, but for the last few weeks it's only been a fraction of a pound, not the 1 1/2 pounds I need to be losing to meet my weight loss goal by the goal date. I was getting very frustrated with it, and frustration is not a good place to be, since historically I tend to deal with stronger emotions by eating stuff I really shouldn't be eating. <BR> <BR> Last night ... Wed, 14 Nov 2012 12:04:08 EST Having an off day... I'm having an off day. Well, really an off weekend I guess. I injured my knee walking on my treadclimber yesterday, which cut my workout short, and which I medicated by having chicken wings for dinner. Totally NOT a healthy meal, but oh so yummy! <BR> <BR> Today I'm taking it easy on my knee, and feeling guilty about not working out, which I found myself medicating for by eating chips and dip...a combination of substances that has been banned from my house for ages now! No idea how they real... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 21:21:06 EST Depression and fighting back Today my motivation is at rock bottom. I've been depressed the last couple of days, with no idea why. Usually I can figure out what's bothering me, confront it, and move on. But I have no idea what the issue is right now. Hopefully I can figure it out soon before it starts impacting my life too much. Well...too much more than it already is. Last night I didn't even want my SO to touch me, which is definitely a bad sign!! <BR> <BR> The good news is that at least I'm aware of it now. Back in t... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 12:31:45 EST My weight loss creed... I will NOT severely restrict my food intake. Feeling hungry is not a good sensation and is likely to end with me making poor choices. <BR> <BR> I WILL choose healthy (or at least healthier) options to satisfy my hunger and my cravings. Chocolate is not the enemy, but chocolate cake for breakfast is a sure saboteur. <BR> <BR> I will NOT obsess about the calories in the food I'm eating. OCD in regards to food is not a healthy preoccupation. <BR> <BR> I WILL enjoy the food I'm eating, takin... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 13:21:09 EST And the winner is... For anyone interested, the winner of our snow shovelling contest one! We actually both pooped out before either one of us finished our areas. We still had hot chocolate though, since we'd earned it. We'll finish off the shovelling today, hopefully before the kiddies come knocking for their tricks and treats. <BR> <BR> And speaking of tricks and treats...especially the treats part of the year I'm buying candy that NO ONE in the house likes! We're already down to about... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 12:24:06 EST Yay snow!! I love winter. I hate being cold, but I still love winter. <BR> <BR> I love the way everything looks all blanketed in snow. I love how snuggling becomes an accepted afternoon activity (not that anything has ever stopped me from indulging, regardless of season). I love the hot soups and roasts that become a staple in the kitchen once more. <BR> <BR> I do NOT love shovelling snow. I do not love scraping the ice off the windshield every morning so I can leave for work. I do NOT love the pudd... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 11:13:49 EST doctor visit I had the most awesome doctor's appointment today! It was with a new doctor for me, which usually makes me very nervous, since I have had way too many doctors 'pat me on the head' in the past, which tends to cause a very negative reaction in me. But the doctor was incredible. He actually swore at the doctors in my past who let me go undiagnosed for so many years because I was 'too young' to have the medical conditions I do have. <BR> <BR> And the most awesome thing was that, having just met ... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 16:44:42 EST frustrated I'm starting to get very frustrated with how long it's taking my knee to recover to a reasonable level that will allow me to work out at an intensity that feels good. I've been shorter and lighter workouts, since I can't just do nothing, but I'm starting to feel like those lighter and shorter workouts are achieving absolutely nothing. Does it count as a workout when you barely break a sweat? <BR> <BR> I'm hoping to start swimming, which will be a lot easier on my knee, but I've been hoping t... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:55:10 EST Home again Well, we had a lovely week in Hawaii. I did NOT get to do even a small portion of the hikes I wanted to. Between the heat and humidity and my knee, it just wasn't feasible. But I did get in a few, including a portion of the botanical gardens, which were lovely. And I did get to see a sea turtle in the ocean, not in at an aquarium, which was incredible! I have thousands of photos to go through now... <BR> <BR> As much as I wanted to stay and enjoy Hawaii for another week or three, I'm glad to... Sun, 30 Sep 2012 14:41:04 EST Over-doing it Since I was bad and didn't get any exercise in Monday through Wednesday last week, I decided to compensate and do a little extra on the weekend. Normally I do a 45 min workout on the treadclimber on Saturday and Sunday, just because I can since I don't have to leave for work afterwards. But this past weekend, I did an hour both days, and man was I feeling it last night! <BR> <BR> I have problems with my right knee and am normally very careful with it. I didn't really feel anything different ... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 11:55:52 EST Conference Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I was away from home at a conference for work. Breakfast and lunch was provided, and dinner consisted of a bunch of coworkers from different districts getting together for a good meal at a restaurant. Suffice it to say, my diet went out the window! <BR> <BR> Fried eggs and bacon was provided for breakfast...lunch was vegetarian and carb-loaded (ie., three kinds of pasta and a caesar salad)...dinner was as yummy as we could make it, with lots of sauc... Thu, 13 Sep 2012 17:46:20 EST Pity Party I had a pity party for myself yesterday evening. The day had not started out that well, with me sleeping in a bit, rushing my morning workout, and not having time for a proper breakfast at home before I left for work. Not too big of a problem, one would think, since it's a 5 minute drive to work, and I can take oatmeal to work to make for myself. Except...I was STARVING...and reaching into the fridge in the morning to grab a glass of water to take my morning medication saw me pulling out the ... Sat, 8 Sep 2012 16:40:26 EST Illness Today, I'm ill. Yesterday I was ill. In fact, Monday night, I was EXTREMELY the point where I think I strained a few muscles being ill... <BR> <BR> Suffice it to say, Tuesday I didn't do my morning workout. I didn't do a whole lot of anything on Tuesday, actually, unless one counts lying around on the sofa cuddled in a blanket, and whining and pouting about being sick. (On a side note, curiousity lead me to stand on my scale during the day on Tuesday and lead to the discovery that, ... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 15:58:14 EST Motivation There are days when my motivation hits absolute rock bottom, and being 'good' is such a struggle that it all just seems futile. Those are the days when NOT eating a handful of chocolate bars and a gallon of soda is a huge accomplishment! Those are also the days when getting up and doing my morning workout feels more like punishment than anything good or healthy. <BR> <BR> Those are the days when I'm tired, and the darn scale just stubbornly refuses to move (or even worse, goes the wrong way!... Sun, 2 Sep 2012 15:14:43 EST Jelly Beans! I LOVE Jelly Belly jelly beans!! They are probably one of the few candies that I could sit down and eat the whole bag at once. And yet I have a bag sitting in my desk drawer that has remained relatively untouched for the past few weeks. <BR> <BR> How is this possible? I'll tell you... <BR> <BR> It all comes down to me desperately finding a way to deal with my mid afternoon sugar cravings. It didn't seem to matter what I did, I kept finding myself going crazy with longings for sweet confect... Wed, 29 Aug 2012 15:28:02 EST Hormones I've noticed lately (thanks to paying more attention to what I'm eating, even though I don't really track my meals closely) that my eating habits tend to follow my hormone levels. <BR> <BR> For example, around the time that I ovulate, I crave sweets like no one else's business. I also tend to crave rich, fatty food at that time. That doesn't mean I'm salivating for fast food or anything like that, although it is the one time of the month when McDonaldss french fries become tempting... But I ... Mon, 27 Aug 2012 11:59:26 EST Holy calories Batman!! I went out with my family for what I thought was a relative healthy lunch today - sushi. But when I got curious and entered what we had into the food tracker here, the meal came to over 1000 calories!! And I'm sure I didn't even get everything, since I didn't inlcude the sauces separately. <BR> <BR> The idea that I had blown half of my daily calorie intake in one relatively light lunch completely blew my mind! I don't generally track my food since I find that it takes away from my enjoyment ... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 20:05:53 EST Doldrums I think I've hit the doldrums... <BR> <BR> I got up this morning and worked out as usual, but I had to push myself harder than usual just to maintain what I've come to consider a minimum work out. All day I've been dragging and kicking my feet (mentally) at my own efforts to eat healthy and drink all that darn water. And all of this despite the incredible victory yesterday of wearing my 'tight' jeans without losing the circulation in my legs!! <BR> <BR> I should be full of energy and jazzed... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:50:38 EST hitting the 30 minute mark I've been told, repeatedly, that I should be doing at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, every day. There have been times that I have doubted this was even possible. But I am now a believer! <BR> <BR> I hit, and surpassed, the 30 minute mark this morning!! <BR> <BR> In fact, I had to stop before I really wanted to, because I needed to get ready for work. I think I might have to start getting up earlier, even though I'm not a morning person. Either that or negotiate with my boss to let me s... Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:27:51 EST strained muscles So...On Friday I helped a friend move a sofa and ended up straining one of muscles in my side. Being the brilliant person I am, I got up bright and early Saturday morning and did an extra long work out, resulting in another strained muscle, this time in my lower back. <BR> <BR> Suffice it to say that I did a whole lot of nothing else in the exercise department all weekend. I was a hurting girl! <BR> <BR> The good news is that the side muscle is no longer bothering me. The even better news ... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 13:12:26 EST bad girl! no workout today! I didn't workout this morning. I just couldn't resist that extra 30 minutes of 'snooze'. I felt moderately guilty about it, but at the same time, after 4 nights of not sleeping well, that little bit of extra sleep felt good. I doubt that I received much benefit from it in the energy department though. <BR> <BR> On the other hand, I did just spend an hour manhandling a sofa up the stairs and around the most awkward corners to get it into the apartment of a friend, using muscles that I don't ... Fri, 10 Aug 2012 16:08:58 EST I quit! I quit! I quit! I quit!! <BR> <BR> That seems to have been my motto for so long now. I keep having to restart my weight loss and fitness goals over again because...I quit! <BR> <BR> I work out hard and long, 4 days a week for 3 months and lose only 4 pounds. In frustration, I quit! <BR> <BR> I religiously log every bite and sip that crosses my lips for weeks at a time, becoming a slave to counting calories and losing all enjoyment of the food that I'm consuming, so I quit! <BR> <BR> I go ... Thu, 9 Aug 2012 17:30:45 EST first 'mini' goal... When I first set my primary weightloss goal, I realized that it was going to take me a long time to get there. So I sat down and broke the total weight loss I was aiming for into more manageable 10 lb mini goals. This past weekend, I FINALLY made that first mini goal. The last 1 lb just took forever to come off, although that may be because life and work stepped into to keep me so busy for a few weeks, that working out consisted of not having time to sit still, and eating right meant trying t... Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:58:34 EST What a cruddy weekend... I totally fell off the wagon this past weekend. I didn't exercise, I ate crappy food, I didn't drink enough water...and I definitely didn't log my meals or non-existent exercise. <BR> <BR> I'm sure I'm not the only one who experiences those moments of self-pity, loneliness, and the sense of futility at it all. This wasn't the first time I've been through a day or two of these kind of feelings, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Yes, I am an emotional eater, of sorts. Everyone has their favo... Mon, 9 Nov 2009 10:30:21 EST