BERAEL's SparkPeople Blog BERAEL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Fearing the future So on my way home from work today, I had an epiphany. I think the reason I've been having so much trouble getting started on this healthy lifestyle journey is because I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of skinny, healthy me. Let me explain. <BR> <BR> I know I can do this. I know that once I have the right amount of willpower and motivation, I'll succeed and will lose the weight I want to lose, and will become healthy and fit. I know I can. But after the past few weeks that I've had (... Mon, 31 Oct 2011 21:20:46 EST Jillian's 30 Day Shred - Day 3 So I took the plunge. I've heard so many good things about Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, so I rented it from Netflix (no sense buying the DVD if I won't stick with it; that's how I obtained my impressive collection of workout DVDs that is currently collecting dust on my DVD shelf). <BR> <BR> Monday was day 1. Did it that night, because the DVD didn't come until Monday, but I still wanted to start that day. There's something about starting things on Mondays that just seems right to me. ... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 10:26:09 EST Arghh!!! (Frustrated scream) I can't lose weight. I don't understand. For the past three weeks or more, I can't get past 188 - actually, I keep hovering closer to 190. I don't get it! I'm watching what I eat, I'm drinking my water, I'm exercising (this week, I went jogging 4 days, and did 2 cardio workouts, and the scale went UP 2 pounds!). <BR> <BR> I'm getting so frustrated. Maybe I'm supposed to be a fat girl. Maybe my body is telling me I'm not supposed to weigh less than this. <BR> <BR> I don't know what els... Sat, 9 Jul 2011 08:12:09 EST Half-Marathon, here I come! So I got an interesting newsletter from Fitness Magazine today. It begun with things that I didn't care about, such as "Take this quiz to find out if you're competitive" (I'm not), and I almost deleted it. But then I noticed the small links underneath that. "Your pre-race warm-up." Well, don't need that. "Run your first 5-K!" I had been thinking about doing a 5-K this November. I should read this.... but... wait a second... "Run a Half-Marathon in 10 Weeks." Bingo. <BR> <BR> Just the... Fri, 1 Jul 2011 11:25:42 EST Inconsistency in clothing sizes I have a pair of gray slacks from the Limited that are a size 14. I put them on this morning and as soon as I got to work, the darn things started falling off of me. I thought, "Super! My size 14 pants are too big for me!" Then I started thinking about all the jeans I have at home that I've been waiting to wear again. Size 13 Levi's, size 10 Banana Republics, my size 12 black skinny jeans. I can't wait to wear them! <BR> <BR> Then I start thinking, wait a second, my pair of size 14 Ban... Fri, 17 Jun 2011 11:48:01 EST Rough night at work = urge to binge. Tonight was a really rough night at work. I pride myself in my ability to retain my composure no matter what guests may throw at me. But tonight, this one lady was just horribly mean. She kept speaking to me as if I were scum, and every time I went to their table, she had some horrible snitty remark to make. I tried so hard not to let it get to me, but it did. By the time I left for home, all I could think about was driving to the nearest Taco Bell and stuffing my face with soft tacos su... Sun, 12 Jun 2011 00:38:52 EST Back on the Spark! These past 3 weeks have been very de-motivating for me. I hurt my back (pretty badly, actually) on Aug. 31, and after two visits to the chiropractor last week I'm finally back to normal. <BR> <BR> I'm 11 days in to my 2-week California vacation, and I'm itching to work out. I think I might venture out tomorrow with some jogging shoes on. <BR> <BR> I've somehow managed to lose about 2 pounds while out here, despite not really watching what I'm eating or being able to exercise. I think it'... Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:56:08 EST So, tomorrow is my birthday. I have been really down lately. I'm not completely sure why. I've always struggled with mental health issues. I was diagnosed in college with Dysthemic Disorder, which is basically long-term, low-grade depression. Sometimes I don't notice it so much, but for the past week or so it's been really bad. <BR> <BR> I have always been a kind of emotional eater. Since I joined SparkPeople, I've been able to keep int under control, but this past week as been pure hell. I've been trying not to e... Sat, 15 Aug 2009 22:31:36 EST Eating "Good" on the road vs. at home I just got back from a week-long trip out of state with a friend who is also on SparkPeople. I don't know if it was because she was there to help influence my eating habits, or because I wasn't surrounded by food I felt comfortable eating, but I ate much healthier while on vacation than I did before I left and in the one day since I've returned. <BR> <BR> I only went over my calorie goals by 100 calories today, which isn't a lot, but overall I feel less healthy. I always assumed that eat... Tue, 4 Aug 2009 21:47:28 EST