BEELALA93's SparkPeople Blog BEELALA93's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community A Whole Year?! Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> It's been over a year since I last posted here! I can't believe it! I've missed this site so much and all the wonderful people on here! <BR> <BR> Life has changed quite a lot for me. I'm working in retail and I've just qualified as a make-up artist, which is super exciting! <BR> <BR> I'm still not at my goal weight but I don't hate myself for it. I'm just slowly working away at it when motivation strikes. <BR> <BR> I've started taking lots of supplements and vita... Thu, 11 Dec 2014 16:14:46 EST The Beautiful Countryside Yesterday I went for a lovely autumn walk with my mum and our dogs. It was great to be out in the fresh, crisp air and I thought I'd share some photos with you. It was a beautiful day! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 13 Nov 2013 17:22:20 EST Beauty Blog! Hey everyone! <BR> <BR> Just a quick post to give you the address for my beauty/fashion/lifestyle blog: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Would love if you could give it a quick look. <BR> <BR> Let me know what you think! <BR> <BR> <em>212</em> Tue, 12 Nov 2013 15:31:05 EST I'm back and ready to lose the last stone (ish)! Hello! <BR> <BR> It has been AGES! I haven't signed on here in months - probably like, 7 or something stupid. But for some reason, today is the day I come back. Here's an update: <BR> <BR> Negative things: <BR> - I battled with the early signs of an eating disorder. <em>48</em> <em>42</em> <BR> - I broke up with my boyfriend. <em>42</em> <BR> - I got put on anti-depressants. <em>42</em> <BR> - I passed the Access course at college with distinctions in everything. <em>48</em... Sun, 10 Nov 2013 05:59:37 EST Sorting my life out! Hey everyone. <BR> <BR> Thank you so much for all your support on my last blog post. It's a tough time but I'm getting through it. <BR> <BR> I did go and see a doctor but it was the most awful and embarrassing experience. She dismissed everything I'd told her and blamed my being upset on 'hormones'. Needless to say, I was NOT happy with my treatment and I've moved to a different doctor. <BR> <BR> I'm having counselling to try and help with my problems with eating and my obsession with bein... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 03:54:35 EST Owning up - Eating disorder? Hello everyone. <BR> Hope you all had lovely Christmas's. Mine was really nice, getting together with the family is always great. I was thoroughly spoiled by my fabulous relatives and I feel very lucky! <BR> <BR> This blog post, unfortunately, is a bit more serious than some of my others. I've decided to write this post so I can own up to a few things, things have surfaced quite recently. <BR> <BR> My last post was a celebratory one, I was sharing with you all that I was about 12lbs away fr... Wed, 26 Dec 2012 15:55:50 EST PLEASE READ! - Nearly at goal weight, before and after pics! Hello everybody! <BR> <BR> I'm really sorry for my lack of posts, but my life has been pretty busy recently. I'm at college now so that's kind of consuming most of my time, that and just enjoying life! <BR> <BR> Basically, I'm sooooo happy because I've just hit 30lbs lost mark! I only have 12lbs left to lose before I reach my goal weight! <BR> <BR> I was looking at some of my first photos posted on facebook and I saw some from when I was heaviest and I realised that I actually do have some... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 13:31:28 EST Guess Whooooo..... Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> Long time, no blog! Sorry about that, life kind of took over a bit and I've just been really really busy. Thought I'd update you all though, whether you like it or not ;) <BR> <BR> I went on holiday back in July, visited Kalkan in Turkey which was AMAZING! Simply beautiful, weather was fabulous, company even better. <BR> <BR> I've been spending a lot of time with my friends which is just wonderful. They're all off at University so having them home for summer was g... Sun, 9 Sep 2012 14:37:22 EST Day 175 - Becoming comfortable with ourselves Recently I've been reading a lot of articles about body positivity and respecting your body, treating it as a temple. The running theme seems to be that people should become confident and love their bodies before they lose weight, because if we hate ourselves when we're bigger, why does that mean we won't hate ourselves when we're smaller? <BR> <BR> I've found various blogs that are all about basking in the glory of having confidence and loving who we are DESPITE what we look like. I see wom... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 05:56:15 EST Day 171 - Hitting it HARD! There's 16 days left until my holiday (not including today). On the 6th I'll be flying out to this beautiful place: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I'm going to Turkey with 5 of my friends and I'm suuuuuper excited! After a really hard start to the year this is just what I need. <BR> <BR> Now, I do have a bikini...whether I'll wear it or not is another topic entirely, I may just stick to my nice little one shouldered black swimsuit. <... Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:46:30 EST Day 169 - Thunder Thighs Hello, hope you're well :) <BR> <BR> Basically, I'm frustrated. I've been losing for 2 years (21lbs, not a huge amount I know, but still, progress) and I've lost weight from my face, stomach, waist, arms, feet even (weird...) but my giant thighs will NOT get smaller. <BR> <BR> Whyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?! <BR> <BR> I blame it on lots of swimming and horse riding when I was younger... Sun, 17 Jun 2012 13:31:37 EST Day 162 - Thank you! So, it's been a while since my last blog post and to be honest, blogging on here was the last thing on my mind. But I've decided to return and update you all a bit. <BR> <BR> Firstly, I want to thank everyone for their support over the last few weeks. It's difficult, and you'll understand if you've ever suffered too, if you get periods of anxiety and depression. I think I now have a plan for the next year which will mean I can move forward with my life and go to university still. I'm also lo... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 04:30:16 EST Day 142 - Everything has gone wrong again I'm having a really time again. I've sunk back into a dark place again and I'm losing hope that I'll ever end up anywhere in my life. <BR> <BR> I've experienced serious anxiety over the last few weeks, I had to pull out of my exams AGAIN because I was in such a state. <BR> <BR> I need some direction and something to aim for. <BR> <BR> On a brighter note, I've lost the weight I put on during march, I'm down to 162lbs. If I can lose 7lbs by my holiday, I'll be back to my lowest weight yet, w... Mon, 21 May 2012 05:27:12 EST Day 130 - Clear skin guaranteed Had my appointment with the dermatologist today. <BR> <BR> He was really nice and told me that since I have very oily skin, pretty much anything the doctor can prescribed won't work. He also thinks that since I've had to use antibiotics before for another skin condition that was on my arms, I might actually be resistant to these kinds of treatments. <BR> <BR> So, I start a course of Isotretinoin (accutane) on saturday (the doctor wants all the other medicine I was taking out of my system fi... Wed, 9 May 2012 12:29:49 EST Day 122 - Can I officially say I'm a size 12?! HI! <BR> <BR> I'm not 100% sure, but I think I might be a size 12... in dresses and baggier fitting tops that is! <BR> I ordered a new top and 3 dresses for the summer which arrived today. Tried them on and they fit PERFECTLY! <BR> <BR> Oh my god guys! I have fiiiiiinally reached a smaller size!!!! Tue, 1 May 2012 12:48:13 EST Day 121 - Update and beauty blog! Hey everyone. <BR> <BR> Just a quick update since I'm not on here as much as I'd like to be at the moment. Exams are looming and I'm getting a little more anxious every day. I just need to keep reminding myself that these exams are over on the 25th of May. That's not long! I can get through it and then relax for a while. <BR> <BR> I joined a gym. I bit the bullet and thought spending a bit of money on getting healthy is worth it if it means I live longer and feel better about myself. <BR> ... Mon, 30 Apr 2012 08:56:31 EST Day 111.5 - Fiiiiiinally a referral! Thought I'd update my earlier post from today. <BR> <BR> Mum phoned the private health centre and booked me an appointment with the dermatologist. I'm grateful they've agreed to see me, but it's just annoying that I'm still not taken seriously by professionals like that. I don't want to have to get my mum to make those phonecalls now I'm an adult, haha. <BR> <BR> Will keep you posted :) Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:38:20 EST Day 111 - Acne anger! So, I went to the doctor today to go on the pill, that was all fine. But I also went to talk to her about my skin again, which as ever, is terrible. <BR> <BR> About 2 months ago I was put on Tetralysl and prescribed a gel called Differin to apply directly to the problem areas. At first, it did nothing but cause extreme dryness, sensitive skin and pain. Then it may have began to clear up slightly, but now it's gone back to how it was at the start. <BR> <BR> So, I explained all this to her a... Fri, 20 Apr 2012 05:39:46 EST Day 95 - Exercise class was a huuuuuge success! I just got back from the new exercise class I'm trying out - LOVED IT! It was basically a step/aerobics class with about 5 mins of toning exercises at the end. I thoroughly enjoyed it and am definitely going next week. <BR> <BR> There's a second class after the cardio mix which is legs, bums and tums and focuses more on toning. I booked in for that one next week, so I'll give them both a try. I felt like doing a bit more toning after the exercise I'd already done, so that's perfect really! <... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 16:25:51 EST Day 93 - I've been bitten by the let's-lose-weight bug again....and I love it! I did really well today, in my opinion. Ate well, did 25 mins of high energy cardio (Boxing on the Davina Body Buff DVD) plus some heavy cleaning/chores during the day. My only thing was that I didn't drink enough water, so that's my goal for tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I've signed up to try an exercise class this wednesday night, so we'll see how that goes. It appears to be like an aerobics/kick-boxing type class. I'm really into the kick-boxing types of exercise, so hopefully it should be good. <B... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 13:30:39 EST Day 92 - Weddings Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> So, yesterday was my Aunt's wedding. It was a stunning day and a really beautiful ceremony. We're all thrilled for the happy couple and wish them all the luck and happiness possible. <BR> <BR> I was also happy because I managed to fit into the size 12 dress - RESULT! <BR> <BR> Here are a couple of pictures: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Tom... Sun, 1 Apr 2012 16:32:59 EST Day 84 - New Routine/Current Goals Okay, holiday is nearly bookable which is faaaaaab! The hot Turkey sun is calling out to me! <BR> <BR> BUT... <BR> <BR> Last year, I was the biggest girl in our group, i look pretty bad in the pics and this year I want to look at them and say "wow, i look damn hot!" <BR> <BR> So, my mission is to lose 21lbs by then. 1.5 a week. Maybe some weeks it'll be more, who knows. <BR> <BR> Eating will continue clean, but i'm trying to consume less sugars and dairy to help my skin. <BR> <BR> Exerci... Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:11:05 EST Day 78 - Happy Mother's Day Happy Mother's Day to all the lovely mumma's out there! Hope you had/are having beautiful days and your children are treating you wonderfully! It was my dad's birthday also, so we had a lovely cooked lunch to celebrate both and then went on a really nice, but rather rainy dog walk. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I'm back on the stricter eating plan and I'll be getting up early for a bit of exercise. I've got loooooads to do tomorrow, but it's my only really busy day this week so it's fine. As long as I ... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 16:38:38 EST Day 77 - I GOT INTO A SIZE 12 DRESS!!! Eating over the last few days has been good, I'm not drifting too much, sticking to being healthy. <BR> <BR> I'm going to go out on a very rainy dog walk later on, then back to the fitness DVD for next week. I did it on Friday and, oh goodness, do my legs still feel it! If you want something to really push yourself, Davina Ultimate Target is GREAT! I'm really hoping it's going to help make a difference. Davina claims that working out with Jackie and Mark (the DVD's trainers) 3 times a week a... Sat, 17 Mar 2012 08:26:49 EST Day 70 - I'm back for good! Hello strangers! <BR> <BR> Sorry I've a been a bit MIA recently. I've been really motivated with my school work, but this has made me not so motivated in my fitness. I've still been eating okay, could be better, and getting in some exercise in the week. The weather has improved so me and my mum have been taking the dogs for longer walks in the forest nearby. It's really nice and we've decided to go a bit further each day. I just bought 2 pairs of trainers (one for inside and one for outside ... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 16:30:45 EST Day 60 - Appointment at doctors... Not perfect outcome Soooooo, today I went to see my doctor about this troublesome acne issue. I asked outright for a referral to the dermatologist but my doctor said he wouldn't refer me yet. <BR> <BR> Basically, the dermatologist would prescribe roaccutane, which is a very strong acne treatment in the form of a tablet. I know people that have used it and have had brilliant results. The problem is, is that it kind of stops oil production in your skin I think, so it leaves you with really dry, sometimes cracked ... Wed, 29 Feb 2012 16:18:00 EST Day 53 - I think things are looking up Today was a little more positive than yesterday. <BR> <BR> Stayed within calories, got in a 30 minute jog, felt a bit better. <BR> <BR> I booked my doctors appointment for next week so I'll have a chat with him/her about my weight loss as well as my acne. <BR> <BR> Hopefully I'll be properly back on track soon. <BR> <BR> Hope everybody is doing well. Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:07:51 EST Day 51 - I need 'the fear' I had a baaaaaaad weekend for food and baaaaaaad week for exercise. I don't know what's wrong with me but I have slipped up and I am slowly falling. <BR> <BR> My sister was home from uni this weekend for her birthday. It started okay, I was sticking to the rules for breakfast and lunch on Sunday but as soon as dinner hit, BAM! There were a few snacks beforehand (fattening pringles and such) and then I was not disciplined by any stretch of the word when we went out to eat. I ate 3 courses, on... Mon, 20 Feb 2012 16:49:25 EST Day 48 - Am I making progress? So, I took some more photos today and I'm wondering if it actually looks like I'm making progress. I'm not convinced. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The pictures in my pj's are from today, haha. <BR> <BR> Let's hope sooooo! Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:32:22 EST Day 47 - Acne Today was good. Got exercise in (brisk walk and zumba) and ate well. Just about to cook turkey and some rice and veggies for dinner. <BR> <BR> Something that is really bothering me at the moment is my skin. I have quite a bit of acne at the moment and it's getting me down. <BR> <BR> I've had problem skin for about...2 years now. Literally tried EVERYTHING available in stores and chemists but nothing seems to solve the problem totally. I'm really worried about scarring too, because I do alre... Thu, 16 Feb 2012 13:37:40 EST Day 45 - Lazy Bones I'm feeling a bit lazy at the moment. I keep missing days and then not making up for it. It's such a slippery slope, I need to be careful. <BR> <BR> I've got to burn 1080cals this week, and I've got 4 days to do it. That's 270cals a day. And I am GOING to do it. <BR> <BR> I'm going to do some in the morning, then finish up (if I need to) in the afternoon. <BR> <BR> Gotta stop letting myself off. Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:51:27 EST Day 44 - Slacking So sorry, I've been such a slacker when it comes to blogging. I just haven't really had much to tell you. Weight loss is kind of at stand still. Annoying since in the first month I lost 6lbs. I was really hoping it would continue like that and I'd breeze through this journey. Apparently not. But I need to remember that patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait. <BR> <BR> It's really strange though, in the summer I was my lowest weight ever (apart from when I was like, 6 but... Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:44:17 EST Day 41 - Feeling a bit rubbish So, I weighed myself like, 3 times today. Which, when I write it, sounds completely ridiculous. <BR> <BR> I don't know what got into me, I was just overly curious. It just made me feel a bit crappy too because obviously it was accurate as I kept doing it. Annoying. <BR> <BR> Also I felt really bloated and 'fat' today. <BR> <BR> It just wasn't a brilliant day. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:36:05 EST Day 40 - Mini Goals So, a couple of goals: <BR> <BR> By next week, I'd love to be in the 150's and by the end of March I'd love to be at the low end of the 150's/140's. <BR> <BR> The second goal might be a bit unachievable, but I need to set my heart on something. <BR> <BR> Hope this week is going well for you! Thu, 9 Feb 2012 17:16:02 EST Day 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Catch up! I'm baaaaaaaack! <BR> <BR> Hello everyone. Got back from my weekend away yesterday. Here's a little run down of what went on. <BR> <BR> Day one, Friday - Arrived in York at about 5:30pm, went to my sister's house and got ready. Dinner at Wagamama's (delish!) then a couple of a cocktails in the city (also delish!). I don't drink very often, so when I do, it almost always goes to my head straight away. Let's just say I was very very giggly <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> Day two, Saturday - Woke up,... Tue, 7 Feb 2012 12:54:30 EST Day 33 - Going away I'm going to York (a really lovely city in the UK) for the weekend. My sister lives there, along with a couple of my friends who are at university there, so I'm visiting them. I'm excited, it'll be nice to get away. My life gets a little boring, haha, so it will bring some fun! <BR> <BR> I tried hard with exercise this week, but I've just been so busy and not getting that much sleep. I know that sounds like a terrible excuse, but it really is the truth! I've eaten fairly well though so who k... Thu, 2 Feb 2012 17:35:07 EST Day 32 - Functioning on little sleep Last night was really bad night's sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3:17am and I woke up at 4:27am and then again at 6:15am when I decided not to bother anymore. <BR> <BR> My radiator wasn't working for some reason so I was absolutely freezing, it was painful. I get really easily creeped out as well and I kept hearing weird creaks and crashes and thuds and things. I was convinced there was ghosts in my room and that was why it was so cold. How ridiculous! There's always an actual explanation... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 03:35:53 EST Day Thirty-One - Busy, busy, busy Incredibly snowed under with work just...permanently it seems. I've got basically 3/4 of 3 AS Level courses to do before April so I can revise the content for the exams in May. My English Language Course also has a coursework unit to cover before then. I actually don't know how I'm going to get it all finished. It's seeming basically impossible at the moment. I only finished today's work about 10 minutes ago, it's 10:50pm. Aaaaand, I only managed to get half of what I'd intended to do done. A... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:52:07 EST Day Thirty - Too big for my dresses So, the dresses I ordered arrived. Sadly, they don't quite fit. I mean, they do up comfortably, but they're quite tight fitting. This wouldn't be a problem if I was thinner, but they cling to my stomach a bit too much. Not feeling that! <BR> <BR> This is probably an overshare, but the underwear I was wearing was a bit small for me when I tried them on, so I might try them again with a different pair. I have some that actually make my stomach look flatter. We'll see. <BR> <BR> I'm going to k... Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:00:31 EST Day 29.5 - Sweat Challenge I'm not so rant-y anymore after getting my BL anger out, haha. <BR> <BR> I've come to rave about something instead. <BR> <BR> I bought a copy of Just Dance 3 about 3 weeks ago for the Wii, and as I love dancing, I've really enjoyed it so far. <BR> <BR> Today I decided to set myself a Sweat Challenge on the Just Sweat option. I chose the highest intensity option (can't remember what it's called) which is apparently equivalent to swimming for 30 mins. I have to get 3000 Sweat points a day to... Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:20:34 EST Day Twenty-Nine - Biggest Loser makes me angry So, I was just flicking through on the TV and came across Biggest Loser USA Couples. I'd never watched it before, but had heard of it, so I thought I'd watch it for a bit and see what it was all about. <BR> <BR> I'm appalled to say the least. <BR> <BR> When did it become okay to treat people like they're freaks because of their size? The coaches seemed to ridicule and bully the contestants into losing weight. The general opinion of the coaches seemed to be "this-person-is-overweight-isn't-s... Sun, 29 Jan 2012 06:26:47 EST Day Twenty-Eight - Stepping up the pace Slacked big time this week. Dreading weighing in, as always, but this time I think I may be dreading it for a reason. I've most probably gained or just stayed the same. But to be honest, I don't feel too bad about it. I needed that week just to do and eat whatever I wanted. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow/Sunday is the beginning of the next week and I'm going to work super hard. My reward is a c0uple of new dresses (couldn't resist, but they're shift dresses so will fit with a waist belt at whatever size... Sat, 28 Jan 2012 15:59:02 EST Day 26/27 - There will always be sunshine. I took some rest, and I'm back on track again. <BR> <BR> I sometimes suffer from bouts of depression, and this week took a bit of a dip. It wasn't anything serious, but I lost all my sunshine and couldn't get motivated to do ANYTHING. I just wanted to sit around and watch telly all day. So, I did for a few days. It actually helped relieved my stress quite alot and now I'm ready to get back on my 'bike'. <BR> <BR> Because I slacked quite alot on exercise - food wise, my week actually wasn't ... Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:21:12 EST Day 23/24/25 - Taking a week I'm just taking this week off. I've been feeling a bit down and stressed and things, so I just need to get myself together. I'm going to carry on eating properly, but I might allow myself a few extra treats if I fancy it. I need a bit of downtime and just do some things that don't require any thought or something. I'm not giving up, but I just need a week from not stressing about exercising and doing my school work. <BR> <BR> I've been having a lot of bad dreams and not sleeping well, which ... Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:24:50 EST Day Twenty-Two - Loss/gain So, I woke up feeling good. Have lost another lb. Great news. <BR> <BR> But I wasn't very disciplined today so didn't eat very well. Bad news. <BR> <BR> Anddddd, haven't exercised AGAIN. <BR> <BR> But tomorrow, I'm back into the weekly routine so I'll be good again. <BR> <BR> Promise. Sun, 22 Jan 2012 12:36:56 EST Day Twenty-One - What a dip Today wasn't very good. I under ate, but ate crappy foods and didn't do any proper cardio (again!) so I'm not looking forward to weighing in. I was cleaning and helping my dad sort through junk at his house, so I got moving and things a bit. <BR> <BR> I'm trying to book a holiday with my friends for the summer, but it's not really getting anywhere and it's rather stressful. I think this has made me feel a bit meh about everything. <BR> <BR> But I'm going to start a fresh tomorrow, eat well ... Sat, 21 Jan 2012 15:56:28 EST Day Nineteen/Twenty - Food dreams Okay, I think this is weird, but actually kind of funny. Last night I was dreaming about eating....everything! <BR> <BR> I just couldn't stop myself. I don't know if this is like a subconcious because I'm craving fast food or something, and I don't rightly know about it, or if it's just something else, but it was so random. <BR> <BR> It proves to me that my self control is already getting much better, because normally if I wanted to eat like, a macdonalds or something I would keep that thou... Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:51:55 EST Day Eighteen - I can only apologise I feel a bit bad about yesterday's blog post. I just felt so down on myself after seeing those photos, I had to let it out somewhere. <BR> <BR> But I realized that I need to be positive, not only for me, but everyone else. I need to be more encouraging for myself and for other people. <BR> <BR> We can do this! And when we do, we'll look back on the photos and say "Hey, yeah, that was me. But I was a good person. Now I'm still a good person, and I feel and look incredible". <BR> <BR> Have a... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:39:48 EST Day Seventeen - Serious motivation So, I was (foolishly) looking back through old photos of myself on Facebook and I literally wanted to cry. They are DISGUSTING. In my prom photos from 2 years ago, the fat is just squeezing over my dress and my arms look horrible. In the holiday photos from that year my stomach is so prominent, it sticks out and makes me look pregnant. No wonder my friends 4 year old cousin asked me if I was pregnant. <BR> <BR> But even now, even though I've lost 20lbs since then, I still look disgusting in ... Tue, 17 Jan 2012 03:27:30 EST Day Sixteen - Snowed under My school work is taking over completely. Didn't fit exercise in today, feeling a bit guilty about it. I'm going to jog twice tomorrow on the wii fit though, try and make up for it. Then I'll do step plus twice too. I got lots done though, paper work and things, so I don't feel like the day was a complete waste though. <BR> <BR> Hope y'all had a good day! Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:01:46 EST