BECCAJ98's SparkPeople Blog

oh double hockey sticks!!!!!

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:29:54 EST

So I have a massive problem!!!!!! I am up 17 lbs since first week of February...... not acceptable!!!!!! Not if I want my goal by my birthday in October!

Good news tho......after close to 2 years my divorce will be final on June 7th!!!!!

alive

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:39:55 EST

Wow.......things have changed for me lately!!!!!!

Was working double shifts 6 days a week for months!!! Glad that's almost over!!!

I also now have a family. One of my besties and her kids moved in with me!!!! Love them!!!! So now have 2 adults, 2 kids (3&5) and my 3 puppies!!!

And today I hear.......wheres the little puppy and where's the play dough......

Gonna slowly be back on here. Love n miss you all!!!

thanks

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:58:26 EST

I know I don't say it often enough but thanks to everyone who commented on my last blig
A few things hit home and were taken to heart. I needed to hear them.

I have the best sparkfriends!!!!!! Spark on!!!!

opinions needed

Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:58:04 EST

Ok, so my soon to be ex husband has been out of the house for couple months now
We have joint custody of the dogs, so he comes by after work and gets them for the weekends. He still has keys to my house.

My question for everyone is when or if can I/ should I change the locks? I really don't like that he can come in anytime, but I can't always be there when he gets the puppies. Plus the divorce isn't final and it's still his mailing address.

What are your thoughts...

firsts

Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:17:27 EST

Has been a year of firsts....

First time very living alone
First dates
First time dating (and he not living with me!)
First time finding out who my friends aren't
First time without parents
First divorce
First freedom
First time having total control
First time realizing there are things that I have to change
And not the first time procrastinating in doing so.....

Going to be a long road, but I can do it. There are still dream...

Well Houston......

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 15:14:30 EST

...... It seems that we have a problem.

Weighted for first time in quite awhile...... .up 10#!!!!

So noe that he is gone, must get my a$$ in gear and do this!!!!!

step 2 completed

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:12:24 EST

He told me he would be out by this weekend. Instead I came home to his clothes and my youngest pup gone yesterday.

So I started last night packing more of his stuff up. And today we had a "come to Jesus" meeting about the dogs.

So, he getting visitation with the kids. And I got almost all of upstairs packed up for him.

Step 2....him moving is (mostly) complete. He gone just not all his stuff. Now for step 3, him to sign the papers. Things are slowly com...

life lesson

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 09:44:59 EST

Friends are the greatest things.....they remind you about everything you have forgotten! Especially about how wonderful you really are!!!!!

oopppsss.....

Sat, 7 Jul 2012 09:02:15 EST

Wow........really didn't realize its been 2 months since last blog
No wonder y'all keep yelling at me!!!!!

Ok, fast update. My dad passed away so now have no parents, the hubby made an a$$ of himself at the services so that was final straw, filed my divorce papers, got another tattoo which I know I need to add picture, and thats the major big stuff.

Otherwise things aren't bad. Been maintaining weight. Haven't gained but still dont like where I have settled at. So...

raok

Wed, 9 May 2012 20:20:57 EST

It is always nice when the most random people can restore your faith in humanity.

At 1 of my stops today the lady noticed my bracelet. It is Pandora. She commented on my purple be eaten. Then she went back to her house and came out with a present for me. She gave me to beads that she didn't use any more that that matched the purple one I had.

That little gesture made such an impact on me knowing that people in this world still care and still do things for other peopl...

small changes

Mon, 7 May 2012 17:59:35 EST

I am still working 70+ hours a week......so part of why I am not on here a lot.

But one thing that I have realized is the amount of stress that I am dealing with with the husband. If and when we talk, it is normally yelling. He isn't helpping me pay any of the bills. I have been asking him for a long time to move out. But he won't. So, I decided that I can take some mattters into my own hands.

Last week I cleaned out my spare bedroom and moved in there. I have been sle...

......feet gonna pay

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:58:28 EST

We fought tonight. Big huge surprise, I know. So I left my house, which btw is in only my name. He makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time when I leave, I hit the bar. But tonight tge fruitloop came back. I went to the track......and walked.

Here's the problem ......I only had my flipflops!!!!! 50 mins in flipflops. My feet are going to be yelling at me tomorrow!!!!! Or maybe later tonight!

everything happens and why I have been mia

Sun, 8 Apr 2012 23:06:13 EST

so.........I been MIA mostly because we have been short staffed at work. So I am filling in on 2 routes, working 12+ hours 6 days a week for the last month and have at least another month of it to go. So, I don't have a lot of time to spare right now.

OK.......my friends' wedding. Went well, had fun, and my 14 month old niece peed all over my bridesmaid's dress. That was fun to try to get off soaking wet! She and I were out dancing and her diaper leaked!! Covered half of my front!...

thanks and today's fight

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 22:17:15 EST

Thanks to everybody for the hugs!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight we were having a fight because of him wanting to take off $ he had given for a church fundraiser from the $ he owes to me. I told him it was petty. We were then talking about a few other things. He then popped off he would just kill himself. I wish I could get him to understand that he needs help.

I am getting so frustrated with this!!!!!

its been awhile since I've blogged........

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:15:46 EST

I realize it has been a long time since I have blogged..........I am so lost and confused with everything that is going on in my life.

I have been exercising quite well, but food is a whole other thing. I am binging and gorging and making myself sick. I am doing it as a way to make myself feel better.

But it's not working........

I am miserable, cranky, and feel like $hit........

It is my way of dealing with all the problems at home. I keep thinki...

lessons from a bar?

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 15:49:19 EST

*disclaimer.....another martial problem blog*

Wednesday nights I go hang out with a few friends at a local bar. They have a cash drawing and it's a nice break. I have been going fir a couple months now. I went again last night . I got off work to late to make Mass so I went straight from work. Last week I met a guy named Brent. He been kinda hanging with our group.

Last night, the hubby came by after Mass and a quick stop by the sauna at gym. It was first time he has c...

my list

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:10:19 EST

One of my sparkfriends told me to make a list....2 actually. One of reasons to stay,one why to go. I did the list. I was upset and such after some bad times at dinner last night, but I did the list then anyways. There were only 4 reasons to stay. Health insurance, security, not being alone, and household income n fixing of things. The go list was almost three times as long. I am really starting to see how bad this all is affecting me. And others are seeing it too.

But I have great ...

twice a day

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 19:48:41 EST

While I can't seem to get my eating controlled and my weight is really yo yoing......I feel awesome! I am going to the gym twice a day on most days in the last few weeks and it feels wonderful!!!!!

Oh, quick update .....the talk the other day was interesting andd not sure what to make o it, but I feel better with the fact I think he understand s better now.

Happy sparking everyone!

not as dumb as I may look

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:59:54 EST

If you haven't been around.....hubby n I are having problems. I have more of a problem than he does. He thinks I should stay around til "he fixes it." No matter how long that takes. I started to find out about his lies last summer. Just a few weeks before I started to find out, he had me convinced to quit my job of almost ten years. Thankfully my boss laughed at my notice gave it back, and I started into a new position at work.

Over the last 6-8 months, things really haven't chang...

What I love......

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:45:22 EST

....about winter!

Running around in a beautiful snow....

Tongue hanging out trying to catch large flakes .....

And having my friends laugh hysterically at my and tell me that's why they love me!!

Yes, I am 5 years old today!! Live, laugh, love life!

BFF

Wed, 8 Feb 2012 14:47:06 EST

Kat decided that she needed to do something when the doctor told her husband that he had to lose weight or was going to be in some serious trouble. He was over 300 lbs. She was about 225 and a size 22. So she joined a gym. (She has a SP account, and has for almost a year, but never uses it). She was complaining about it being boring and wished someone would workout with her.

My gym is almost 30 mins from where she lives, and 15 from her work. She joined one in the town she and I ...

I know I am not the only one.......

Mon, 6 Feb 2012 13:54:41 EST

I struggle with myself on a daily basis. I know I am not dog ugly, but I don't see myself the way others do. I have recently started having a herd of people flirting with me, telling me I am sexy, cute, beautiful, etc....... but I have a hard time hearing it.

I sometimes feel embrassed, shy, bashful, even defensive when I get compliments.

Why is it so hard? Why can't I graciously accept it? Why does it have to mess with my mind?

Well......

Wed, 1 Feb 2012 18:29:58 EST

The thing about driving for a living......thinking.

And I been doing that. Have to put in writing, even tho I didn't know whether it will change anything or not.

I have things that I want......look sexy (no flubber!), feel sexy, a career that I can still do in 30years, a happy healthy relationship, a better house, ability to do what I want to do with my friends, travel more.....you get the point.

Here's the problem......I know exactly what I have to do to ge...

my adventures in exercise

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:38:03 EST

I am beginning to think I have an idiot magnet on me when I exercise!

In August was the dog who broke a chain, jumped the fence, ran across three lanes of traffic and knocked me off my bike and attacked Leinie. October was the dummy who swerved, jumped the curb and made be fall to get out of his way when I was running. And tonight, I was rollerblading around our local track and some jerk on his bike decided to cut thru the park instead of using the sidewalk and plowed right into ...

Who is that???

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:08:48 EST

Last night I went out to the bar with a friend of mine. I needed a little time away from home. Mark saw this picture and began to ask everyone in the bar if they knew who was in the picture.

Do you know who is the one in the purple??????

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Binge

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:12:06 EST

It has taken me two days to write this blog......mostly because I am truly ashamed.

Sunday I was getting thru my mail, and I found more surprises from the hubby. Four more collection notices on things he told me was paid. It is the gift from hell that just keeps on giving! I thought I had finally gotten it all cleaned up. But I guess not.

So we got in a fight. And after all day of heartache and tears....I wanted ice cream.

I bought ice cream......Ben n Jerry...

almost forgot the highlights!

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:42:57 EST

I have almost forgotten to share the highlights from my cruise!

First was a guy named Bronze I met the first night. We were having fun, and dancing at the club. The second night, we were talking and he asked my age. I asked what he thought I was.....he said 22!!! Wowwwww!

Then, later in week, Steph met Johnny. We were talking, and he thought I was 25!!!!

I love those guys!!!! Totally made me smile!!!

Roatan PIcs :)

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:55:28 EST

Mahogany Bay, Roatan.........my favorite port. Was a private resort.....so pretty!!! Nature trail, great shopping, Magical Beach Chair (chair lift from port to beach) and great beach with bars!!!!!

and so it happens.....

Sat, 7 Jan 2012 21:14:50 EST

I knew better than to give in and pay for my hubby to go on this cruise with me. But he begged and cried, and whined and griped, so I gave in and shelled out over a weeks worth of my pay for him to go.

My biggest fear was us fighting. And so it happened. Started at home, and then in the car while dropping off house key to frriends, and continued because he didn't like what I wanted for dinner.

At this rate, I am not going to enjoy myself.

Hoping that once we m...

Who did I piss off?

Thu, 5 Jan 2012 20:29:27 EST

I am going on my first real vacation .....one I don't have any thing else to ddo besides have fun....and I am sick!!!

I have 48 hours to get better! So off to take a hot shower and get to bed! Night all! Happy Sparking!

In case you've forgotten.....

Tue, 3 Jan 2012 13:27:05 EST

.....in 4 days I am headed south to catch a plane.....and in 5 days I will be on a boat in a bikini!!!!!!!!!!

I am really hoping to not come back heavier than when I leave. I want to be the exception not the rule!

And I am sooooo looking forward to seeing my family. Just hoping my marital problems wont keep us from having fun!

Planning on taking lots of pictures!

What are friends for?

Mon, 2 Jan 2012 23:59:43 EST

Love, compassion, help, slap up side the head, motivation, and a whole lot more!

A good cry, a kind word, a beer, a shoulder, a smile, and a whole lot more.

No matter how sorry I feel for myself or how upset I feel.....there is always a friend, somewhere, who finds a way to pick me up. I know that only I am in control of my life....I just have to figure out what it is that I need to do.

I am working on my physical health, making some dumb choices as I go, but ...

Happy New Years

Sun, 1 Jan 2012 22:44:42 EST

Hope everyone had a safe and happy New Years Eve.

I had lots of fun with my friends, went to 3 different bars, and got very (very very ) wasted. I dont even remember the last time I drank so much. Part of the reason for it was to just be able to forget about my stress and family problems. But the hangover today was proof that that wasn't smart.

This year will be great. It can only be as good as I make it. And after all the hell I was handed the last part of 2011, I am t...

More n better or just bizarre

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:41:47 EST

(Disclaimer....not weight loss blog, and I know bizarre is my new favorite word right now, seems to fit)

I get water delivered to me, my pipes are old (so i get floaties) and the water in my town just plain tastes weird too. The same guy has been the route driver for most of the time I have lived here.
I got a text from him this morning wishing me and my husband a happy new year. He and I got chatting a little bit off and on all day. Now, this is a guy I see once a month, wh...

Bizarre Christmas Adventures

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 14:25:53 EST

23rd.......we got invited to go to Jillian's (like a Dave n Buster's or adult. ChuckeCheese) with a a friend and her grandsons. Hubby was sulking cause I was having fun playing video games with the boys. Then the oldest (he's 18) starts hittiing on me. Bizarre!

24th......work went well. Easy like most of our Peak season has been. Bizarre. I come home after work, wake the hubby. He leaves to serve at our church for Mass. I open my box from my brother. He sent me "Christmas i...

Tequila Christmas Cake

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:57:24 EST

*a friend shared this, so I want to pass it on!

Once again this year,I've had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes: Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

1 cup sugar 1 tsp. baking powder 1 cup water 1 tsp. salt 1 cup brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs Nuts 1 bottle tequila 2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality.

Take a large bowl; check the tequila again ...

my first ever....

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 10:44:17 EST

....cold weather run!!

Did it last night. Got off at a decent time even with it being our heaviest day of the year. I could have just curled up on the couch, but I didn't.

Took the "kids" for a mile warm up walk. It has been months since I have ran, so figured a good warm up be good thing.

Took them back home and set off again. Temp 35F.

Had a small snag when a jerk decided to drive up the curb instead of one of the 3 traffic lanes. Thankfully, I w...

day 1

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 23:22:29 EST

Of re-behaving! I actually tracked everything, stayed with in all my ranges (even tho ate out all day, hazard of the job this time of year) and I got in a really good workout at the gym!

Got to keep this up! I feel better than I have in weeks! I know what I need to do and today I proved I can do it still.

Good night spark friends.....hope you all have had a great day. And hopefully I will be able to catch up with everyone once work settles down some more!

tracking

Fri, 9 Dec 2011 23:29:00 EST

I tracked my food for the first time in months. I made really poor choices.....McDonalds for lunch and a Payday (they were handing them out at work.) But even with the poor choices, I am still in my range for the day. The high end, but still.. I am proud of myself.

Now gotta get back to making better choices and watching my portion sizes. Looking like the start of getting back in gear and knocking off these last 40night lbs!

2 more......

Thu, 1 Dec 2011 12:01:51 EST

I find this very strange.......I care more about what I look like as a bridesmaid than I did for my own wedding. And I now have 2 more that I am in. One is this coming March and the other in spring of 2013. So I guess there is no more slacking.....I have a mission beyond my cruise!

purple bikini

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 15:49:27 EST

I want to start by saying I am blessed by friends who have still been checking in on me while I have been hiding in the corner becoming self destructive! You guys are great and I have not been properly thanking you. Hope you all can forgive me.

Most of you know I am going on a cruise in January. I am not where I want to be physically or relationship wise .... but I am still very excited!! I will blog more on that later.

So, last night I bought my motivation to get my a$$...

learning

Sun, 6 Nov 2011 17:55:33 EST

We never stop learning about who wwe are. Little things caan show us some of the biggest things about what makes us tick.

I will never regret what I have done in my life. I may not like or agree with what others have ddone to me, but what matterrs is how I react to it.

Learning about myself is probably the single hardest thing I have ever done......but the more I do it, the more I am glad I am.

I am on to another week of learning, work, and fun.

natural highs

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 18:19:11 EST

I have noticed the last few days that there are things/comments that make me have a natural high feeling.....

Realizing that my own legs can carry me at speeds up to 11.5 miles per hour (on rollerblades)

Being told I am adorable

Being told I have a sexy collar bone (which is even better because I have only had one for a few months)

Realizing that I am very good at my job

And that I have ridiculously awesome friends

Each o...

2001 Things....

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:48:21 EST

To do before you die.

Title of a book I got. I started checking off things in it and realiized I have done quite a few of them. It ranges from the simple, "make chocolate chip pancakes".....to the hard, "restore an old house ".....to thhe crazy, "climb every mountain. "

Some you can do, some you can't, some are dreams to reach for, and some are just for fun.

But it, and responses to my balloon blog, got me thinking.......

What's on your bucket list?...

My birthday balloon ride

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:30:35 EST

I have a friend who owns a hot air balloon. So, she said she would take me up for my birthday. I have known her a long time and have crewed for her, but everytime I have tried to go up, the weather hasn't cooperated. But today was perfect morning for a flight.

My girlfriend and I woke with only about 4 hours of sleep (we went out last night to a bar) and meet up with Laurie at 7 am.

this was a...

Taken away

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 10:15:21 EST

Death comes in many forms, at different times, for different reasons. I have seen it happen all too often to those I love. I can handle get sick and dying, overdoses, accidents, war, sucides whatever .......but I don't understand how you can take anothers life.

A friend from high school was found murdered in St. Louis. Then the guy that killed her came back here and offed himself a couple miles from my house. How do you that?

I guess I have finally found death I don't ...

quickly approaching

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 16:42:01 EST

Is my beerthday. (Not birthday cause I decided 2 years ago I was no longer having those.)

I never thoughht I would be so sad and happy at the same time. I am really looking forward to becoming another year older. This has been a true test of myself. Some completely amazing things have come this past year, and some truly devastating things as well.

But as I am reflecting on how I have been handling things lately, I am truly disappointed in myself.

I know better...

trust n love

Mon, 3 Oct 2011 18:26:57 EST

This can be seen as a good or bad thing.....my biggest "flaw" is I give my love and trust freely. I believe everyone deserves it until you prove otherwise. And it is very hard to get it back once you betray it.

My struggle right now is about those things. My hubby, I have found out, has been doing bad banking practices for years now, and has been hiding my bills from me, putting me in huge debt and my credit score in the toilet. This was someone I completely trusted and was suppos...