BECCAJ98's SparkPeople Blog BECCAJ98's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Struggle and embarrassment So here I am still, watching and recording what I eat, getting an average of 10,000+ steps a day, exercising, avoiding starches, especially white ones, and yet I'm still on a plateau. My fiance says he sees a difference in my body, but I dont. And my doctors don't care what my body looks likes, only # on the scale. I am tired of struggling so bad with this. And today at the gtm, I hop on the treadmill like I do several days a week to get in a nice little run, about a tenth of a mile in, ... Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:54:57 EST FAI I started about 6 weeks ago with horrible chronic pain in my hip. I finally got answers today. I have FAI. I have to go to a specialist and see about fixing it. I want to know if anyone has this and how you deal with it. Its limited me so much and I hate it. Having a very hard time with it. Wed, 6 May 2015 16:22:53 EST Week 7 <img src=""> Well, no weight been pretty much at a standstill since I started the new position and schedule at work. However, kicked butt running today and had my fastest mile time ever. Because of that, I got to check off one thing on my goal board. I haven't been able to do that in 11 months. So I am counting this as a win......:) Wed, 4 Mar 2015 16:05:20 EST Update of week 5 & 6 6 weeks down and also 16.2 lbs!! My lost has not been as great as the first few weeks. Part of that is getting used to the new position at work. I am working splits and also early mornings. While training last week, I just didn't have time for the gym. 13 or so hour days will do that. Top that with a couple of cheat days, I am only down 1.5 in the last two weeks. This week, the regular schedule started, so I have more "free" time outside of work again. <BR> <BR> I have been really hard on m... Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:42:11 EST Reflection of past few years I joined Spark People in September of 2010. I would look at the web site once in awhile, but never did much. I had lost about 25 # though. In January, I got a crazy wake up call with my health. My doctor wanted to admit me into the hospital because my blood pressure was so high. My highest weight recorded was 281, but I am pretty sure I was closer at one point to 290+. I told my doctor I was going to do this, just give me a month. One month later, I had gotten it under control. <BR> <BR> M... Fri, 13 Feb 2015 10:29:07 EST Official 4 week blog I am really proud of myself. I'm down 14.6#, so of course that's pretty awesome. But even more than that was the miracle that happened while eating breakfast. Today I wanted a hot breakfast, a change of pace from my usuals. Going through the pantry, I remembered I had 7grain oatmeal that came from an Amish store. Bingo, hot breakfast. I measured out a cup (which is 2 servings), added in light soy milk, dusting of brown sugar, and cooked. I then added a cup of blackberries. Sitting here eati... Tue, 10 Feb 2015 10:25:35 EST Almost end of week 4 and best compliment ever!!! Almost the end of first 4 weeks, down 13#. Feeling great even tho this past weekend, my boyfriend and I had a bit of cheating. Which in the scheme wasn't bad. He has lost 100# too, and has a bit further to go, and since I have stocked with tons of fresh veggies and fruit, he did amazing cooking for me this weekend. But cheated a bit at the bowling alley Saturday night with our friends. <BR> <BR> This morning as he was getting ready for work, I decided to do my daily weigh-in. (I know thats ... Mon, 9 Feb 2015 10:33:44 EST Snowed in problem We got more snow yesterday. After my doctor's appointment, I decided I was staying off the roads until I had to go to work. Which of course meant no gym. Last weekend, my boyfriend and I rearranged my living room, and made it a bit more fitness friendly by unearthing my bands and step, etc. I also found my huge stack of fitness DVDs, most of which I've never opened. So, in light of being snowed in, I decided to bust out some DVD workouts. First I grabbed "Arms of Steel"....did two segments ... Thu, 5 Feb 2015 08:33:47 EST Week 3 recap I'm down 11 pounds total right now, has really slowed down from first 10 days, but I'm ok with that. Best thing about this week was having to move my work belt not one but 2 holes smaller!! Cruddy weather over weekend and pain in my healed foot put a slow down on activities for a few days. Here's to a great week and spark on!! Wed, 4 Feb 2015 10:25:54 EST The ignorance of people I don't know why this actually shocks me. I should know by this point in my life that people are built to disappoint. But this morning I was taken to a whole new level. I don't really understand how people can be so closed-minded. <BR> <BR> This is the conversation I overheard at the gym this morning in the locker room/bathroom: <BR> <BR> "I just don't understand why there is a handicapped bathroom at a gym. It just doesn't make any sense. What can someone like that do here?" <BR> <BR> R... Thu, 29 Jan 2015 12:47:51 EST Almost end of week 2 Week 2 ends tomorrow.....I didn't get in any gym time this weekend, nor did I have time today :( <BR> Instead, Saturday, my boyfriend and I went hiking. Even though I am regularly at the gym, doing cardio, strength training at home and gym, I am out of hiking shape!!!! <BR> But, what's great is even tho I didn't push as hard over the weekend, I did try to make decent choices. We did splurge on some fried food Saturday night, did have a few beers, but after all said and down, I was same weig... Mon, 26 Jan 2015 16:17:22 EST One week down.... Week one of my 12 week challenge is is 6.7# and I'm making enormous strides with my cardio. I'm able to push a little bit more each day, go a bit faster, a bit longer, and a bit harder. I'm feeling great! Hoping I can keep this momentum up for next 11 weeks and beyond! Wed, 21 Jan 2015 14:07:01 EST Small victories I signed up for the 12 week challenge at my gym to try to give me an extra boost and finally make this year the one. I have come a long way, but there is still so much further I want to go. Since starting the challenge, I have been doing fairly well at doing "everything" by the book and what I know I need to be doing. And the scale has gone down, which is the point of all of this. <BR> <BR> Last night, I had a date. The guy has also lost a lot of weight, and understands yo-yoing issues. We ... Sat, 17 Jan 2015 14:13:28 EST Personal Trainer So, after a year plus of being a member at one of my gyms, I finally got the "Free" session with a personal trainer. He went over a few good exercises for me, and we talked, and talked. He started out by asking what I meant by fluffy. Told him that since I get in trouble for calling myself fat, I use the term fluffy. He agreed because he said I am far from fat. Yes, at 240 lbs, I am not fat. I have a large bone structure, lots of muscle, and an hourglass shape. Hence, fluffy (since there's a ... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 17:03:18 EST no pain, no gain? Oh how true this is!! The more physical pain I'm in, the more I gain (in weight because I eat). I am trying to watch what I do, just doesn't always work. I know how to do all this, but am still lacking basic motivation to put everything into daily practice. Why do I fight this all so hard? Sat, 8 Nov 2014 18:08:27 EST What I did after Back in August, I had a freak accident at work. Pivoting out of a truck, I lost my footing and fell. The result was a broke bone (my first), couple of very large bone contusions, tendonitis through the bottom of my foot, and a lot of torn ligaments. Needless to say, my foot is a mess. Crutches, moon boot, PT, and a lot of ice its still nowhere near healed. I got more depressed than I normally am, mostly because exercise has always been a form of medication for me. And I quit caring about what... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 13:47:02 EST No idea where this came from... I didn't get to the gym today. <BR> I worked (and up a sweat at work). <BR> I went to dinner and had hot wings and a deep fried burger. <BR> I decided that it was perfect weather for a run/walk. <BR> <BR> So I set out for my walk. Decided to give it a little lite jog since I haven't done really any running training since injury last summer. <BR> <BR> Lite jog turned into a slow run. And I went....and went...and went. Now normally I get quarter mile or so in and walk a hair or two, then ... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 00:46:38 EST I DID IT!!!!!!! So much has happened since my last blog!!! Like my entire life is upside down, backwards, crazy, and I couldn't be any happier!!!! <BR> <BR> I will start with 2/21....I got fired from my job of almost 13 years. I loved my job, but I worked sometimes up to 85 hrs a week. I have always thought of myself as a happy person, til my friends kept saying that I am so much happier now. I am also realizing how much of LIFE I have missed out on in the last decade and a half. <BR> <BR> So, on to what ... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 12:48:04 EST met #1 My goal board caused me to divide up my goals into baby steps. My weight was divided 12 ways. <BR> <BR> I met first one yesterday morning!!!! Kinda awesome when I can start checking things off!!! And today I will go for my reward. :) <BR> <BR> And I did sign up for the Cosmic Run March 29, so that will be my first official 5K and another check off my board!!!! <BR> <BR> So far this year I am down 13.4#. I know its coming off fast right now, but it went on fast too. I know its gonna start... Fri, 7 Feb 2014 10:42:05 EST What 50# down looks like!! So ok, pic is actually only 45# down but a perfect comparison since its the same pic. I can't believe I used to carry around an extra bag of dog food with me everyday. And can't wait til I get the next bag of dog food gone!!!! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I just realized its wrong date on the fat pic, should be 10/10. Mon, 27 Jan 2014 10:11:05 EST Something clicked... Made my goal board....and I did it!!! Met one of my goals today!!! I have been wanting to do a 5k since I couldn't last year. A friend told me about The Color Run ( <link> </link> ).....I posted it on FB. But its pricey and another friend suggested the Cosmic Run. (Can't get link to post). And my friends decided to join me!!!! So far have 4 going with me!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!! <BR> <BR> I walked into my gym today (Golds Express) and they have had signs up for a 12 week ch... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 18:02:04 EST goal board and other good things today I made my goal board. Its not completed. Will add things as they arise. Plenty of white space to fill!! <img src=""> <BR> Fun post it notes to go with it too!! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Been productive with things today. Cancelled a gym membership I don't use. Joined another gym. This one is 24/7, and couple friends go. I won't be using it often, but $20 a month isn't bad for a couple t... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 17:06:03 EST tonights project Been reconnected with a friend of mine who is a cyclist. Been talking with him daily about my fitness and weight goals and my constant struggle with them. He made comment today about what my goals are, besides what I ultimately want. Which of course, in true me fashion, I don't have. <BR> <BR> So tonight, I am going to fix that!!! Write out bunch of small term goals, set dates for few, write out rewards (with pics) and post this somewhere in my house (room). <BR> <BR> Any ideas and/ or su... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 14:38:09 EST routine My job varies....some days 2 hrs, some 15 hrs. I never know which it will be. And even my 2 hr days I am then on call. It breaks my gym routine. Had to take 2 rest days this past week. Monday was cause I had a date after my 10 hrs of work. And Saturday because what was supposed to be a 3.5 hr work day turned into 15cause of people calling in. And my job is to cover that kind of thing. <BR> <BR> My 2 regular gyms close early on Fri-Sun. Makes getting in a workout hard sometimes since I don't... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 14:11:32 EST hungry Started my day well. Only had to work couple hours. Came home and made an egg and baby Bella sandwich. I went to the gym. Hour of cardio and then hit the weights. <BR> <BR> The struggle was when I got home. I was sooo hungry. I made a spinach and Bella salad, little cheese and low fat ranch. Then a turkey and cheese sandwich. And still I felt then some chips and salsa. Now I am super stuffed and feel miserable. <BR> <BR> I don't know how to control my food and hunger. This... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 15:41:22 EST always a bridesmaid.... Yesterday was probably the single most frustrating day of my life. Road trip to Chicagoland to join my cousin and the rest of her bridesmaids to go shopping. Beth decided that she wanted emerald green dresses...but we each had to choose our own style. All of different dresses too. <BR> <BR> I learned very quickly that I have no idea what looks good on me. I also learned that most sample dresses in bridal boutiques are a size 6 or 10. How on earth am I supposed to try on a dress to find a st... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:38:50 EST blah I keep trying..... <BR> <BR> I been working out regularly now <BR> I been watching more what I eat <BR> <BR> Yet my moods are beginning to really suck. I can't seem to get happy lately. And of course it isn't helping my weight loss efforts. <BR> <BR> Blah :/ Sun, 12 Jan 2014 15:16:18 EST 3 years later I just realized that it has now been 3 years since I became active on this site. I had joined and didn't do much first 4 months. I did killer the first year. Lost 83#!!! Then life happened.... <BR> <BR> I got lazy, didn't care. and used my ex as an excuse. <BR> <BR> So, now here I am....up 30# from my lowest ever, and finding out that this is way harder than I remember. I know the basics, what I am supposed to do, how this works, cause I have done it. <BR> <BR> So why am I struggling so b... Tue, 7 Jan 2014 20:41:03 EST forgotten I had forgotten how much better I feel after working out.... <BR> <BR> Why then do I stop? <BR> Why quit? <BR> Why deny it? <BR> Why let life be an excuse for feeling good? <BR> <BR> I need to keep in mind when I struggle how much better I feel, not only physically but about myself as well! Mon, 6 Jan 2014 22:58:50 EST quick updated I last blogged I was training for my first ever race. Things were going well, til I hurt my back. And in true Rebecca fashion, I quit everything all together. <BR> <BR> So here I am, 4 months later, starting over again. So, in last couple weeks since getting my sh!t back together, I am down almost 10 lbs. <BR> <BR> My biggest challenge is keeping myself motivated. Wish I could find someone who could/would help, but ultimately I know I have to find it within. <BR> <BR> <BR> And in perso... Fri, 3 Jan 2014 14:30:55 EST crazy training day #7 So........shin splints and all..... <BR> <BR> my fastest mile EVER at 12:35..... <BR> <BR> best 2 mile at 25:59 (another min n 15 off!!!!!) <BR> <BR> Best 5k since started running again at 41:00. Only 1:14 from fastest ever and that was over 2 years ago!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> 18 days til race day!!!!!!!!! Thu, 1 Aug 2013 22:40:00 EST crazy training day #5 So not my best run....first since knee problems on Thursday. But I was 45 seconds better than my average....counts for something! <BR> <BR> Was only 2 miles, still walking.... <BR> <BR> Have less than 3 weeks and have got to quit smoking. <BR> <BR> Still soda free!!!! Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:56:31 EST crazy training day #4 Wasn't much of anything!!! <BR> <BR> Set out to do my 5k.....first half mile good, then pain started. And not just soreness. Pain in my ankle that I tore ligaments in 6 years ago. And pain in my knee from the clutches at work. So only did 1.5 miles, 23 mins, mostly walking. Today will be a rest day. <BR> <BR> Good news soda since Sunday afternoon and down 3 lbs this week!!! Back to what I was at beginning of June!!! Fri, 26 Jul 2013 07:05:27 EST crazy training day #3 Fastest mile!!!! 1.25 mins off my 2 mile!!! And did full 5k in 7 mins less than last night!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> 13 min mile <BR> <BR> 41'53" 5k.......only 2 mins more than my fastest ever in June of 2011. And right now I am only training!!! Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:09:17 EST crazy training day #2 So I decided YES to 5k race my new guy friend asked me to do with him. Mind you its on Aug 18th!!!!! <BR> <BR> I have been slacking on exercise for months and haven't ran in 6-8 months. <BR> <BR> Monday was day #1. 2 miles, run/walk combo, just over 30 mins. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, 2 miles run/walk combo, 28 mins!!!!!! Over 2 less!!! Then walked rest if 5k. <BR> <BR> I may just be able to pull this off!!!! Wed, 24 Jul 2013 12:37:47 EST hmmmmmm Opinions needed.......I got asked to do a 5k run soon. Its a competition run. I haven't run in long time. Do I do it???? <BR> <BR> I love to run but haven't been consistent in doing it nor am I good. Mon, 22 Jul 2013 19:48:55 EST HELP!!!!!!!!! So I am up a lot more weight now. I am working 14 hours a day and no way really to keep food or drink cold. So I am eating 3 meals a day on road.......and not access to healthy choices. Plus working this much I am sooo tired I am not exercising properly . <BR> <BR> Need help, suggestions, motivation, and support!!!!!! Mon, 15 Jul 2013 10:46:27 EST oh double hockey sticks!!!!! So I have a massive problem!!!!!! I am up 17 lbs since first week of February...... not acceptable!!!!!! Not if I want my goal by my birthday in October! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Good news tho......after close to 2 years my divorce will be final on June 7th!!!!! <BR> <BR> Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:29:54 EST alive Wow.......things have changed for me lately!!!!!! <BR> <BR> Was working double shifts 6 days a week for months!!! Glad that's almost over!!! <BR> <BR> I also now have a family. One of my besties and her kids moved in with me!!!! Love them!!!! So now have 2 adults, 2 kids (3&5) and my 3 puppies!!! <BR> <BR> And today I hear.......wheres the little puppy and where's the play dough...... <BR> <BR> Gonna slowly be back on here. Love n miss you all!!! Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:39:55 EST thanks I know I don't say it often enough but thanks to everyone who commented on my last blig <BR> A few things hit home and were taken to heart. I needed to hear them. <BR> <BR> I have the best sparkfriends!!!!!! Spark on!!!! Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:58:26 EST opinions needed Ok, so my soon to be ex husband has been out of the house for couple months now <BR> We have joint custody of the dogs, so he comes by after work and gets them for the weekends. He still has keys to my house. <BR> <BR> My question for everyone is when or if can I/ should I change the locks? I really don't like that he can come in anytime, but I can't always be there when he gets the puppies. Plus the divorce isn't final and it's still his mailing address. <BR> <BR> What are your thoughts... Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:58:04 EST firsts Has been a year of firsts.... <BR> <BR> First time very living alone <BR> First dates <BR> First time dating (and he not living with me!) <BR> First time finding out who my friends aren't <BR> First time without parents <BR> First divorce <BR> First freedom <BR> First time having total control <BR> First time realizing there are things that I have to change <BR> And not the first time procrastinating in doing so..... <BR> <BR> Going to be a long road, but I can do it. There are still dream... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:17:27 EST Well Houston...... ...... It seems that we have a problem. <BR> <BR> Weighted for first time in quite awhile...... .up 10#!!!! <BR> <BR> So noe that he is gone, must get my a$$ in gear and do this!!!!! Mon, 13 Aug 2012 15:14:30 EST step 2 completed He told me he would be out by this weekend. Instead I came home to his clothes and my youngest pup gone yesterday. <BR> <BR> So I started last night packing more of his stuff up. And today we had a "come to Jesus" meeting about the dogs. <BR> <BR> So, he getting visitation with the kids. And I got almost all of upstairs packed up for him. <BR> <BR> Step 2....him moving is (mostly) complete. He gone just not all his stuff. Now for step 3, him to sign the papers. Things are slowly com... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:12:24 EST life lesson Friends are the greatest things.....they remind you about everything you have forgotten! Especially about how wonderful you really are!!!!! Wed, 11 Jul 2012 09:44:59 EST oopppsss..... Wow........really didn't realize its been 2 months since last blog <BR> No wonder y'all keep yelling at me!!!!! <BR> <BR> Ok, fast update. My dad passed away so now have no parents, the hubby made an a$$ of himself at the services so that was final straw, filed my divorce papers, got another tattoo which I know I need to add picture, and thats the major big stuff. <BR> <BR> Otherwise things aren't bad. Been maintaining weight. Haven't gained but still dont like where I have settled at. So... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 09:02:15 EST raok It is always nice when the most random people can restore your faith in humanity. <BR> <BR> At 1 of my stops today the lady noticed my bracelet. It is Pandora. She commented on my purple be eaten. Then she went back to her house and came out with a present for me. She gave me to beads that she didn't use any more that that matched the purple one I had. <BR> <BR> That little gesture made such an impact on me knowing that people in this world still care and still do things for other peopl... Wed, 9 May 2012 20:20:57 EST small changes I am still working 70+ hours a part of why I am not on here a lot. <BR> <BR> But one thing that I have realized is the amount of stress that I am dealing with with the husband. If and when we talk, it is normally yelling. He isn't helpping me pay any of the bills. I have been asking him for a long time to move out. But he won't. So, I decided that I can take some mattters into my own hands. <BR> <BR> Last week I cleaned out my spare bedroom and moved in there. I have been sle... Mon, 7 May 2012 17:59:35 EST ......feet gonna pay We fought tonight. Big huge surprise, I know. So I left my house, which btw is in only my name. He makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time when I leave, I hit the bar. But tonight tge fruitloop came back. I went to the track......and walked. <BR> <BR> Here's the problem ......I only had my flipflops!!!!! 50 mins in flipflops. My feet are going to be yelling at me tomorrow!!!!! Or maybe later tonight! Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:58:28 EST everything happens and why I have been mia so.........I been MIA mostly because we have been short staffed at work. So I am filling in on 2 routes, working 12+ hours 6 days a week for the last month and have at least another month of it to go. So, I don't have a lot of time to spare right now. <BR> <BR> friends' wedding. Went well, had fun, and my 14 month old niece peed all over my bridesmaid's dress. That was fun to try to get off soaking wet! She and I were out dancing and her diaper leaked!! Covered half of my front!... Sun, 8 Apr 2012 23:06:13 EST