BECCAJ98's SparkPeople Blog BECCAJ98's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community no pain, no gain? Oh how true this is!! The more physical pain I'm in, the more I gain (in weight because I eat). I am trying to watch what I do, just doesn't always work. I know how to do all this, but am still lacking basic motivation to put everything into daily practice. Why do I fight this all so hard? Sat, 8 Nov 2014 18:08:27 EST What I did after Back in August, I had a freak accident at work. Pivoting out of a truck, I lost my footing and fell. The result was a broke bone (my first), couple of very large bone contusions, tendonitis through the bottom of my foot, and a lot of torn ligaments. Needless to say, my foot is a mess. Crutches, moon boot, PT, and a lot of ice its still nowhere near healed. I got more depressed than I normally am, mostly because exercise has always been a form of medication for me. And I quit caring about what... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 13:47:02 EST No idea where this came from... I didn't get to the gym today. <BR> I worked (and up a sweat at work). <BR> I went to dinner and had hot wings and a deep fried burger. <BR> I decided that it was perfect weather for a run/walk. <BR> <BR> So I set out for my walk. Decided to give it a little lite jog since I haven't done really any running training since injury last summer. <BR> <BR> Lite jog turned into a slow run. And I went....and went...and went. Now normally I get quarter mile or so in and walk a hair or two, then ... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 00:46:38 EST I DID IT!!!!!!! So much has happened since my last blog!!! Like my entire life is upside down, backwards, crazy, and I couldn't be any happier!!!! <BR> <BR> I will start with 2/21....I got fired from my job of almost 13 years. I loved my job, but I worked sometimes up to 85 hrs a week. I have always thought of myself as a happy person, til my friends kept saying that I am so much happier now. I am also realizing how much of LIFE I have missed out on in the last decade and a half. <BR> <BR> So, on to what ... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 12:48:04 EST met #1 My goal board caused me to divide up my goals into baby steps. My weight was divided 12 ways. <BR> <BR> I met first one yesterday morning!!!! Kinda awesome when I can start checking things off!!! And today I will go for my reward. :) <BR> <BR> And I did sign up for the Cosmic Run March 29, so that will be my first official 5K and another check off my board!!!! <BR> <BR> So far this year I am down 13.4#. I know its coming off fast right now, but it went on fast too. I know its gonna start... Fri, 7 Feb 2014 10:42:05 EST What 50# down looks like!! So ok, pic is actually only 45# down but a perfect comparison since its the same pic. I can't believe I used to carry around an extra bag of dog food with me everyday. And can't wait til I get the next bag of dog food gone!!!! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I just realized its wrong date on the fat pic, should be 10/10. Mon, 27 Jan 2014 10:11:05 EST Something clicked... Made my goal board....and I did it!!! Met one of my goals today!!! I have been wanting to do a 5k since I couldn't last year. A friend told me about The Color Run ( <link> </link> ).....I posted it on FB. But its pricey and another friend suggested the Cosmic Run. (Can't get link to post). And my friends decided to join me!!!! So far have 4 going with me!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!! <BR> <BR> I walked into my gym today (Golds Express) and they have had signs up for a 12 week ch... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 18:02:04 EST goal board and other good things today I made my goal board. Its not completed. Will add things as they arise. Plenty of white space to fill!! <img src=""> <BR> Fun post it notes to go with it too!! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Been productive with things today. Cancelled a gym membership I don't use. Joined another gym. This one is 24/7, and couple friends go. I won't be using it often, but $20 a month isn't bad for a couple t... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 17:06:03 EST tonights project Been reconnected with a friend of mine who is a cyclist. Been talking with him daily about my fitness and weight goals and my constant struggle with them. He made comment today about what my goals are, besides what I ultimately want. Which of course, in true me fashion, I don't have. <BR> <BR> So tonight, I am going to fix that!!! Write out bunch of small term goals, set dates for few, write out rewards (with pics) and post this somewhere in my house (room). <BR> <BR> Any ideas and/ or su... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 14:38:09 EST routine My job varies....some days 2 hrs, some 15 hrs. I never know which it will be. And even my 2 hr days I am then on call. It breaks my gym routine. Had to take 2 rest days this past week. Monday was cause I had a date after my 10 hrs of work. And Saturday because what was supposed to be a 3.5 hr work day turned into 15cause of people calling in. And my job is to cover that kind of thing. <BR> <BR> My 2 regular gyms close early on Fri-Sun. Makes getting in a workout hard sometimes since I don't... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 14:11:32 EST hungry Started my day well. Only had to work couple hours. Came home and made an egg and baby Bella sandwich. I went to the gym. Hour of cardio and then hit the weights. <BR> <BR> The struggle was when I got home. I was sooo hungry. I made a spinach and Bella salad, little cheese and low fat ranch. Then a turkey and cheese sandwich. And still I felt then some chips and salsa. Now I am super stuffed and feel miserable. <BR> <BR> I don't know how to control my food and hunger. This... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 15:41:22 EST always a bridesmaid.... Yesterday was probably the single most frustrating day of my life. Road trip to Chicagoland to join my cousin and the rest of her bridesmaids to go shopping. Beth decided that she wanted emerald green dresses...but we each had to choose our own style. All of different dresses too. <BR> <BR> I learned very quickly that I have no idea what looks good on me. I also learned that most sample dresses in bridal boutiques are a size 6 or 10. How on earth am I supposed to try on a dress to find a st... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:38:50 EST blah I keep trying..... <BR> <BR> I been working out regularly now <BR> I been watching more what I eat <BR> <BR> Yet my moods are beginning to really suck. I can't seem to get happy lately. And of course it isn't helping my weight loss efforts. <BR> <BR> Blah :/ Sun, 12 Jan 2014 15:16:18 EST 3 years later I just realized that it has now been 3 years since I became active on this site. I had joined and didn't do much first 4 months. I did killer the first year. Lost 83#!!! Then life happened.... <BR> <BR> I got lazy, didn't care. and used my ex as an excuse. <BR> <BR> So, now here I am....up 30# from my lowest ever, and finding out that this is way harder than I remember. I know the basics, what I am supposed to do, how this works, cause I have done it. <BR> <BR> So why am I struggling so b... Tue, 7 Jan 2014 20:41:03 EST forgotten I had forgotten how much better I feel after working out.... <BR> <BR> Why then do I stop? <BR> Why quit? <BR> Why deny it? <BR> Why let life be an excuse for feeling good? <BR> <BR> I need to keep in mind when I struggle how much better I feel, not only physically but about myself as well! Mon, 6 Jan 2014 22:58:50 EST quick updated I last blogged I was training for my first ever race. Things were going well, til I hurt my back. And in true Rebecca fashion, I quit everything all together. <BR> <BR> So here I am, 4 months later, starting over again. So, in last couple weeks since getting my sh!t back together, I am down almost 10 lbs. <BR> <BR> My biggest challenge is keeping myself motivated. Wish I could find someone who could/would help, but ultimately I know I have to find it within. <BR> <BR> <BR> And in perso... Fri, 3 Jan 2014 14:30:55 EST crazy training day #7 So........shin splints and all..... <BR> <BR> my fastest mile EVER at 12:35..... <BR> <BR> best 2 mile at 25:59 (another min n 15 off!!!!!) <BR> <BR> Best 5k since started running again at 41:00. Only 1:14 from fastest ever and that was over 2 years ago!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> 18 days til race day!!!!!!!!! Thu, 1 Aug 2013 22:40:00 EST crazy training day #5 So not my best run....first since knee problems on Thursday. But I was 45 seconds better than my average....counts for something! <BR> <BR> Was only 2 miles, still walking.... <BR> <BR> Have less than 3 weeks and have got to quit smoking. <BR> <BR> Still soda free!!!! Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:56:31 EST crazy training day #4 Wasn't much of anything!!! <BR> <BR> Set out to do my 5k.....first half mile good, then pain started. And not just soreness. Pain in my ankle that I tore ligaments in 6 years ago. And pain in my knee from the clutches at work. So only did 1.5 miles, 23 mins, mostly walking. Today will be a rest day. <BR> <BR> Good news soda since Sunday afternoon and down 3 lbs this week!!! Back to what I was at beginning of June!!! Fri, 26 Jul 2013 07:05:27 EST crazy training day #3 Fastest mile!!!! 1.25 mins off my 2 mile!!! And did full 5k in 7 mins less than last night!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> 13 min mile <BR> <BR> 41'53" 5k.......only 2 mins more than my fastest ever in June of 2011. And right now I am only training!!! Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:09:17 EST crazy training day #2 So I decided YES to 5k race my new guy friend asked me to do with him. Mind you its on Aug 18th!!!!! <BR> <BR> I have been slacking on exercise for months and haven't ran in 6-8 months. <BR> <BR> Monday was day #1. 2 miles, run/walk combo, just over 30 mins. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, 2 miles run/walk combo, 28 mins!!!!!! Over 2 less!!! Then walked rest if 5k. <BR> <BR> I may just be able to pull this off!!!! Wed, 24 Jul 2013 12:37:47 EST hmmmmmm Opinions needed.......I got asked to do a 5k run soon. Its a competition run. I haven't run in long time. Do I do it???? <BR> <BR> I love to run but haven't been consistent in doing it nor am I good. Mon, 22 Jul 2013 19:48:55 EST HELP!!!!!!!!! So I am up a lot more weight now. I am working 14 hours a day and no way really to keep food or drink cold. So I am eating 3 meals a day on road.......and not access to healthy choices. Plus working this much I am sooo tired I am not exercising properly . <BR> <BR> Need help, suggestions, motivation, and support!!!!!! Mon, 15 Jul 2013 10:46:27 EST oh double hockey sticks!!!!! So I have a massive problem!!!!!! I am up 17 lbs since first week of February...... not acceptable!!!!!! Not if I want my goal by my birthday in October! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Good news tho......after close to 2 years my divorce will be final on June 7th!!!!! <BR> <BR> Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:29:54 EST alive Wow.......things have changed for me lately!!!!!! <BR> <BR> Was working double shifts 6 days a week for months!!! Glad that's almost over!!! <BR> <BR> I also now have a family. One of my besties and her kids moved in with me!!!! Love them!!!! So now have 2 adults, 2 kids (3&5) and my 3 puppies!!! <BR> <BR> And today I hear.......wheres the little puppy and where's the play dough...... <BR> <BR> Gonna slowly be back on here. Love n miss you all!!! Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:39:55 EST thanks I know I don't say it often enough but thanks to everyone who commented on my last blig <BR> A few things hit home and were taken to heart. I needed to hear them. <BR> <BR> I have the best sparkfriends!!!!!! Spark on!!!! Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:58:26 EST opinions needed Ok, so my soon to be ex husband has been out of the house for couple months now <BR> We have joint custody of the dogs, so he comes by after work and gets them for the weekends. He still has keys to my house. <BR> <BR> My question for everyone is when or if can I/ should I change the locks? I really don't like that he can come in anytime, but I can't always be there when he gets the puppies. Plus the divorce isn't final and it's still his mailing address. <BR> <BR> What are your thoughts... Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:58:04 EST firsts Has been a year of firsts.... <BR> <BR> First time very living alone <BR> First dates <BR> First time dating (and he not living with me!) <BR> First time finding out who my friends aren't <BR> First time without parents <BR> First divorce <BR> First freedom <BR> First time having total control <BR> First time realizing there are things that I have to change <BR> And not the first time procrastinating in doing so..... <BR> <BR> Going to be a long road, but I can do it. There are still dream... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:17:27 EST Well Houston...... ...... It seems that we have a problem. <BR> <BR> Weighted for first time in quite awhile...... .up 10#!!!! <BR> <BR> So noe that he is gone, must get my a$$ in gear and do this!!!!! Mon, 13 Aug 2012 15:14:30 EST step 2 completed He told me he would be out by this weekend. Instead I came home to his clothes and my youngest pup gone yesterday. <BR> <BR> So I started last night packing more of his stuff up. And today we had a "come to Jesus" meeting about the dogs. <BR> <BR> So, he getting visitation with the kids. And I got almost all of upstairs packed up for him. <BR> <BR> Step 2....him moving is (mostly) complete. He gone just not all his stuff. Now for step 3, him to sign the papers. Things are slowly com... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:12:24 EST life lesson Friends are the greatest things.....they remind you about everything you have forgotten! Especially about how wonderful you really are!!!!! Wed, 11 Jul 2012 09:44:59 EST oopppsss..... Wow........really didn't realize its been 2 months since last blog <BR> No wonder y'all keep yelling at me!!!!! <BR> <BR> Ok, fast update. My dad passed away so now have no parents, the hubby made an a$$ of himself at the services so that was final straw, filed my divorce papers, got another tattoo which I know I need to add picture, and thats the major big stuff. <BR> <BR> Otherwise things aren't bad. Been maintaining weight. Haven't gained but still dont like where I have settled at. So... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 09:02:15 EST raok It is always nice when the most random people can restore your faith in humanity. <BR> <BR> At 1 of my stops today the lady noticed my bracelet. It is Pandora. She commented on my purple be eaten. Then she went back to her house and came out with a present for me. She gave me to beads that she didn't use any more that that matched the purple one I had. <BR> <BR> That little gesture made such an impact on me knowing that people in this world still care and still do things for other peopl... Wed, 9 May 2012 20:20:57 EST small changes I am still working 70+ hours a part of why I am not on here a lot. <BR> <BR> But one thing that I have realized is the amount of stress that I am dealing with with the husband. If and when we talk, it is normally yelling. He isn't helpping me pay any of the bills. I have been asking him for a long time to move out. But he won't. So, I decided that I can take some mattters into my own hands. <BR> <BR> Last week I cleaned out my spare bedroom and moved in there. I have been sle... Mon, 7 May 2012 17:59:35 EST ......feet gonna pay We fought tonight. Big huge surprise, I know. So I left my house, which btw is in only my name. He makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time when I leave, I hit the bar. But tonight tge fruitloop came back. I went to the track......and walked. <BR> <BR> Here's the problem ......I only had my flipflops!!!!! 50 mins in flipflops. My feet are going to be yelling at me tomorrow!!!!! Or maybe later tonight! Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:58:28 EST everything happens and why I have been mia so.........I been MIA mostly because we have been short staffed at work. So I am filling in on 2 routes, working 12+ hours 6 days a week for the last month and have at least another month of it to go. So, I don't have a lot of time to spare right now. <BR> <BR> friends' wedding. Went well, had fun, and my 14 month old niece peed all over my bridesmaid's dress. That was fun to try to get off soaking wet! She and I were out dancing and her diaper leaked!! Covered half of my front!... Sun, 8 Apr 2012 23:06:13 EST thanks and today's fight Thanks to everybody for the hugs!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> Tonight we were having a fight because of him wanting to take off $ he had given for a church fundraiser from the $ he owes to me. I told him it was petty. We were then talking about a few other things. He then popped off he would just kill himself. I wish I could get him to understand that he needs help. <BR> <BR> I am getting so frustrated with this!!!!! Mon, 19 Mar 2012 22:17:15 EST its been awhile since I've blogged........ I realize it has been a long time since I have blogged..........I am so lost and confused with everything that is going on in my life. <BR> <BR> I have been exercising quite well, but food is a whole other thing. I am binging and gorging and making myself sick. I am doing it as a way to make myself feel better. <BR> <BR> But it's not working........ <BR> <BR> I am miserable, cranky, and feel like $hit........ <BR> <BR> It is my way of dealing with all the problems at home. I keep thinki... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:15:46 EST lessons from a bar? *disclaimer.....another martial problem blog* <BR> <BR> Wednesday nights I go hang out with a few friends at a local bar. They have a cash drawing and it's a nice break. I have been going fir a couple months now. I went again last night . I got off work to late to make Mass so I went straight from work. Last week I met a guy named Brent. He been kinda hanging with our group. <BR> <BR> Last night, the hubby came by after Mass and a quick stop by the sauna at gym. It was first time he has c... Thu, 23 Feb 2012 15:49:19 EST my list One of my sparkfriends told me to make a list....2 actually. One of reasons to stay,one why to go. I did the list. I was upset and such after some bad times at dinner last night, but I did the list then anyways. There were only 4 reasons to stay. Health insurance, security, not being alone, and household income n fixing of things. The go list was almost three times as long. I am really starting to see how bad this all is affecting me. And others are seeing it too. <BR> <BR> But I have great ... Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:10:19 EST twice a day While I can't seem to get my eating controlled and my weight is really yo yoing......I feel awesome! I am going to the gym twice a day on most days in the last few weeks and it feels wonderful!!!!! <BR> <BR> Oh, quick update .....the talk the other day was interesting andd not sure what to make o it, but I feel better with the fact I think he understand s better now. <BR> <BR> Happy sparking everyone! Fri, 17 Feb 2012 19:48:41 EST not as dumb as I may look If you haven't been around.....hubby n I are having problems. I have more of a problem than he does. He thinks I should stay around til "he fixes it." No matter how long that takes. I started to find out about his lies last summer. Just a few weeks before I started to find out, he had me convinced to quit my job of almost ten years. Thankfully my boss laughed at my notice gave it back, and I started into a new position at work. <BR> <BR> Over the last 6-8 months, things really haven't chang... Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:59:54 EST What I love...... ....about winter! <BR> <BR> Running around in a beautiful snow.... <BR> <BR> Tongue hanging out trying to catch large flakes ..... <BR> <BR> And having my friends laugh hysterically at my and tell me that's why they love me!! <BR> <BR> Yes, I am 5 years old today!! Live, laugh, love life! Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:45:22 EST BFF Kat decided that she needed to do something when the doctor told her husband that he had to lose weight or was going to be in some serious trouble. He was over 300 lbs. She was about 225 and a size 22. So she joined a gym. (She has a SP account, and has for almost a year, but never uses it). She was complaining about it being boring and wished someone would workout with her. <BR> <BR> My gym is almost 30 mins from where she lives, and 15 from her work. She joined one in the town she and I ... Wed, 8 Feb 2012 14:47:06 EST I know I am not the only one....... I struggle with myself on a daily basis. I know I am not dog ugly, but I don't see myself the way others do. I have recently started having a herd of people flirting with me, telling me I am sexy, cute, beautiful, etc....... but I have a hard time hearing it. <BR> <BR> I sometimes feel embrassed, shy, bashful, even defensive when I get compliments. <BR> <BR> Why is it so hard? Why can't I graciously accept it? Why does it have to mess with my mind? Mon, 6 Feb 2012 13:54:41 EST Well...... The thing about driving for a living......thinking. <BR> <BR> And I been doing that. Have to put in writing, even tho I didn't know whether it will change anything or not. <BR> <BR> I have things that I want......look sexy (no flubber!), feel sexy, a career that I can still do in 30years, a happy healthy relationship, a better house, ability to do what I want to do with my friends, travel get the point. <BR> <BR> Here's the problem......I know exactly what I have to do to ge... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 18:29:58 EST my adventures in exercise I am beginning to think I have an idiot magnet on me when I exercise! <BR> <BR> In August was the dog who broke a chain, jumped the fence, ran across three lanes of traffic and knocked me off my bike and attacked Leinie. October was the dummy who swerved, jumped the curb and made be fall to get out of his way when I was running. And tonight, I was rollerblading around our local track and some jerk on his bike decided to cut thru the park instead of using the sidewalk and plowed right into ... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:38:03 EST Who is that??? Last night I went out to the bar with a friend of mine. I needed a little time away from home. Mark saw this picture and began to ask everyone in the bar if they knew who was in the picture. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Do you know who is the one in the purple?????? <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> * <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:08:48 EST Binge It has taken me two days to write this blog......mostly because I am truly ashamed. <BR> <BR> Sunday I was getting thru my mail, and I found more surprises from the hubby. Four more collection notices on things he told me was paid. It is the gift from hell that just keeps on giving! I thought I had finally gotten it all cleaned up. But I guess not. <BR> <BR> So we got in a fight. And after all day of heartache and tears....I wanted ice cream. <BR> <BR> I bought ice cream......Ben n Jerry... Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:12:06 EST almost forgot the highlights! I have almost forgotten to share the highlights from my cruise! <BR> <BR> First was a guy named Bronze I met the first night. We were having fun, and dancing at the club. The second night, we were talking and he asked my age. I asked what he thought I was.....he said 22!!! Wowwwww! <BR> <BR> Then, later in week, Steph met Johnny. We were talking, and he thought I was 25!!!! <BR> <BR> I love those guys!!!! Totally made me smile!!! Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:42:57 EST