BEAUTY_WITHIN's SparkPeople Blog BEAUTY_WITHIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I BROKE THE PLATEAU!!!!!!!!!! 8 month plateau, OBLITERATED!!! I am down to 225. I have FINALLY left 228 behind. FINALLY! WOOHOO! I've been really being more active on here, getting at least 6 glasses of water. I got first Google Fit on here, then I fixed my fitbit (HORRAY!!) I'm thrilled. <BR> <BR> I've even tracked for the day already, and on DATE NIGHT! I am almost always over on Date night. And I'm NOT. I have THREE HUNDRED calories left! I am AMAZED!! WOOO HOO!!! <em>250</em> Fri, 24 Jun 2016 16:56:08 EST I have fat. I get on the el. I can see that there are only single side-facing seats next to the poles available. I really hate these. I sit. At first I sat on the edge so I didn't squish anyone. I sat there, and felt awful. Ashamed. I was eating a snack, and I felt like everyone was staring at the fat girl stuffing her face. They weren't, of course. I doubt anyone looked at me, hardly. But that is so not how it felt. I don't know why I've felt my weight so keenly lately. Its not like being fat is new ... Thu, 23 Jun 2016 19:11:36 EST blew it today by about 200 calories. And for such a stupid choice. I really really really wanted an ice cream cone. I knew I didn't have the calories. But I had it anyway. boo. Maybe some day I'll reach my goal. :( Mon, 20 Jun 2016 23:22:04 EST I touched my toes!!!! <em>244</em> I figured if anyone would get why that's a big deal, it would be you, my Sparkfriends, I don't remember the last time I could do that. <BR> <BR> I started to title this blog something about beginning to recognize myself again, Then I realized, no, I DON"T recognize myself. I have never been healthy. Not truly. Even as a kid. I didn't drink water unless it was forced. I didn't know anything about healthy proportions or nutrition. Which is part of the problem when I hit co... Thu, 16 Jun 2016 14:08:59 EST Le sigh I'm over. Again. I chose to continue with my planned desert even though I chose to have an unplanned piece of pecan pie. It was really good. But now I have "sugar mouth" - that feeling you get in the roof of your mouth when you've had too much sugar. <BR> I'm frustrated with myself. This shouldn't be so HARD!!! I want to loose weight. So why can't I make better choices? Why can't I do what I need to - say no to the sweets? I can't keep them out of the house, so they're always here ... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 22:45:23 EST Party So today my cousin had his high school graduation party. It was a lot of fun. There, was of course, also a lot of food. Yea. I didn't do so great. I tried to stay out of the kitchen. I tried to listen to my body. I made some good choices, and a bunch of bad ones. <BR> I have no idea how to track most of it, since it was greek food, and I don't even know the names of most of it. They had Izzie soda there. I LOVED it; had 2 cans. They're small cans, and only 80 calories each. It wa... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 23:50:48 EST Weight & numbers I did a weigh in & my measurements. Talk about depressing. This is my starting point. I set my goal at 198. I want to get to Onderland. It's not my final goal. Final goal would be to get to a healthy BMI, which for me is down around 140. I can't even wrap my head around that. I don't think I've ever been that low in my adult life. I have no idea what that would even look like. <BR> So we'll start with Onderland for now. I am set, if I can manage 2lbs a week, to enter it in the beg... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 00:13:38 EST Rock bottom <img src=""> <BR> We took my oldest to the Jump Zone today. Ita basically a bunch of bounce houses and slides. Technically the age limit is 12. There's a weight limit too. Parents go on some of them with their kids too. My3 year old is fearless. His favorite has these obstacles you go through, and a bit slide. He kept wanting me to come on with him. He almost had a meltdown because I could not come with him. I'm t... Fri, 10 Jun 2016 14:05:41 EST Tonight's blog (creative, I know!) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is very apt for the moment! My stomache is going "feed me feed me". NO. I am not feeding you, you aren't actually hungry. <BR> <BR> So I'm doing the "fit food" challenge. I think that's what it's called. The challenge for the day was to track today's food - YESTERDAY. I suck at planning ahead, but I did it anyway. It was interesting. I put alot more thought into what I'd eat. ... Wed, 8 Jun 2016 23:13:28 EST So confused So I am totally confused. My waist seems to be getting smaller, and my bra band is way too big. But my hubby was saying it looks like my face is getting rounder - that he can see less of my ears and neck. Also that it seems like my belly. (Which overhangs) is a bit bigger. How is this possible? I can't loose weight and gain it simultaneously, can I?? Or maybe I'm looking inches but gaining elsewhere? (Can't measure, can't find my tape measure) Please tell me someone has an idea! I'm baffled... Tue, 7 Jun 2016 22:56:37 EST 6.6.16 Hmm, what to do...I have tracked my meals for the day, including what I'll be having for supper. I'm out, and I haven't brought anything for a snack, as I don't usually want one. But I'm hungry. Dinner is a good 4.5 hours away. I've got about 150 calories left to my low end. I'm not figuring activity into that. I'm not sure what to get. Or if I shouldn't. <BR> <BR> I need to find my measuring tape. The scale isn't budging, but the clothes on my lower half are certainly looser! I im... Mon, 6 Jun 2016 14:40:32 EST It's been a great day Today is my 5 year anniversary being married to the love of my life. We had a wonderful day. My aunt took the boys for the afternoon so we could enjoy a leasurly lunch with just the two of us. <BR> Then it was off to Indiana to visit some friends after we picked up the boys. We had a great day. However, I spend the early evening with our friends at Burger King letting the kids play at their play area. I didn't have a full meal, just grazed on various things. Didn't really pay attention... Sun, 5 Jun 2016 01:24:41 EST struggling with a craving <em>29</em> I am full at the moment. A little overfull, actually. So why am I REALLY wanting to go downstairs and get a piece of cake?? It sounds SO good. Or maybe a chocolate chip cookie. For heaven's sake, there's no more ROOM in my belly. I'm going to make myself sick. So why am I having such a hard time with this? Why can't I get this craving out of my head!!! Wed, 1 Jun 2016 23:00:19 EST I'm lonely. I'm over on my calories again. And I'm hungry. I still haven't had supper yet. :( I had too many sweets today. <BR> I'm lonely today because I got ambushed (it felt like) by my inlaws. I was already feeling stressed because my husband and I just bought a new mattress that's bigger than we have now, so we have to make room for it. We had been talking about that, and putting our youngest to sleep, and Chris had started doing dishes from the bbq when my inlaws came home with my oldest. ... Mon, 30 May 2016 23:29:19 EST Yikes <img src=""> <BR> Today Was my youngest's fist birthday. He had a great time. We all did. Today was a day I didn't track. I just did. I am about 1,800 calories over. Oh my goodness. And a good chunk of those calories came from the 2 sodas I had. Wow. I haven't done this in a very long time. Ah well. Food wise, the choices were mediocre, not horrible. Tomorrow is a new day!!! Mon, 30 May 2016 00:56:50 EST I"m out of fun titles Today was an unexpected day, which involved eating out "dinner" at 4. At Burger King. Not a great choice, but everyone had to go to the bathroom, and with a 3 year old, this is a DESPERATE situation. Then come 9/10 pm, I'm peckish. Not HUNGRY, mind you, but I went ahead and made the canned spaghetti that I'd been saving cause it was easy, and sounded good. Not my finest choices ever. Se lavi. <BR> <BR> I did get a walk in, and some yoga, and lots of water, so that was good. I think ... Fri, 27 May 2016 00:40:31 EST No title :) My knee is still mad at me. I did half of my normal walk, since it stormed before I could do the other half. I did a really great job on water. 2 glasses at home, a 20 oz glass at Starbucks, another 10 oz, and. About 8 oz of unsweetened iced tea. Not completely there, but definitely better. Breakfast was good. Just a yogurt with my boys. Lunch wasn't so great. Half of A grilled chicken and artichoke panini, which wasn't bad. But the 5 cheese sticks were!! Oops! I'm sitting here in the dark ... Wed, 25 May 2016 23:01:05 EST Today So today was a good day. I got a new stroller for the boys. Its a double jogging stroller. It handles like a DREAM. I couldn't wait to take it for a (gasp!) run! And it was wonderful!! So now I have no reason to not jog. My body definitely needs the rest day after though. I get so stiff, and my knees are unhappy for the rest of the day. That's ok though. They did that when I started walking more, and I just took it easy and they got used to it. I did a lot of walking today. 4 hours worth, a... Mon, 23 May 2016 23:18:44 EST I was sick :( I was sick yesterday. Still am, today, but I'm alot better. Amazingly, I still managed to get alot of walking in with the kids. AND even though I didn't track at all, I was still within calories! WOOHOO! Today I walked to Starbucks, had my drink, and the leftovers I brought from home. I'm sitting here contemplating what to make for dinner. I never worry about that kind of stuff! LOL. We've been trying to make it a point to sit down together to dinner as a family every night. Besides... Sat, 21 May 2016 16:55:15 EST The scale is just a number, right? So I did my weigh in today. Totally stark naked, before my shower. And I'm stuck at 230. I've been there for like a month and a half. I'm really getting frustrated. I have been really busting my butt this week. <em>33</em> <BR> <BR> I pushed myself physically. I started running again. I haven't run in 2 years - since I was pregnant with my 2nd baby, the one who died. <em>182</em> <BR> <BR> I have been really careful with my food. I have NOT gotten to measuring foods yet.... Thu, 19 May 2016 11:47:25 EST After Meal Sweet Tooth After every meal, except breakfast, depending on what I eat, I have a craving for something sweet. Not anything in particular, just SWEET. Tonight I am 15 calories from my high end, and I REALLY don't want to go over. So I just sat here. Putzed around here and on facebook. Had a little water. And you know what? It's fading. I might have a spoonful or two of unsweetened applesauce still, but I'm not craving it anymore. I didn't know it would go away if I could make myself just sit thr... Mon, 16 May 2016 00:08:10 EST 2 days in a row! Today is my 2nd day without the boys! I went out with my mom & grandma for a belated mother's day yesterday, and my hubby & the boys picked me up in the evening. This afternoon, Chris decided to make use of the weekend pass I had from going to mom's and took the boys on a train ride. He loves to just ride the rails, and my oldest is like that too. Wes is too young to care. <BR> So I dug out the bike today, and biked down to Starbucks to relax, catch up here, and work on my shop a little.... Sun, 15 May 2016 15:35:19 EST Rambling <img src=""> <BR> Its been a crazy few days. Mother's day was fun. I got some new summer clothes (which I definitely needed). And yesterday and Mother's day I felt so STRONG. I had some good NSVs too. We went to Cold stone for ice cream on Mother's Day, and I got their medium instead of the Large that I really wanted. I asked my hubby to make us stir fry for dinner last night (lefters for tonight!), so that was y... Tue, 10 May 2016 17:38:24 EST I suck at this I want to loose the weight. I really do. So why isn't I ??? Why is it that when faced eith the choice of healthy vs sweet and tasty, I so rarely go the healthy route? I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I am 700 calories over!!!! I don't think I will ever manage this. :_( Fri, 6 May 2016 22:41:24 EST Changing choices So my in-laws bought donnettes. YUMMY. I managed to resist, and make a smoothie. <em>491</em> And then They were calling some more. So finally I took one out. And had 2 bites of it. (A serving is 4 of them) Ya know, it left a weird feeling in the roof of my mouth. I think maybe I don't like these so much after all. I'm proud I only had half of one, but I'm a bit sad that a favorite is starting to not taste so good after all. It's kind of hard to watch my favorites become things I ... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 18:26:46 EST If you don't like your consequences, change your choices. I say this to my 3 year old a lot. I hope that he will come to understand the relationship between action and reaction and make better choices. But I am horrible at taking my own advice. I want to loose weight, to be healthy. But that (cake,cookie, milkshake, whatever) looks so GOOD. Its really hard to say no. Lord, I SOUND like my 3 year old! So today I have tracked my breakfast, which was healthy, lunch, which wasn't bad, and I'm about to track dinner, which was premade by my father in ... Wed, 27 Apr 2016 18:15:54 EST Trying to stay proud I've been having a really good time lately, with NSVs. I've been packing lunch for me and my,son (a HUGE DEAL, as ilove eating out) for about a week now. Yesterday I walked 4 miles!!! FOUR!!! And did squats. Oh, am I sore. Today so far, I've walked 2.5 miles. Again with the sore. I will probably walk home, which is another .75 mile, and then i will collapse. Might manage some yoga tonight. Food. It's been hard. Easter saw lots of junk, at least for snacking. Meals were not bad. Yesterday w... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 17:08:25 EST *le sighs* So I made a mess again today. I wasn't paying attention. I ate a whole personal pizza instead of a half like I meant to. That put me over. In every, Single. Category. Well crap. At this rate, I am never going to get anywhere. My clothes are getting tight again. I REFUSE to buy new ones, but I don't seem to be able to get anywhere!!! I saw my new GP. I told him I was working on loosing weight, and as I left the room, he says "Really try on your weight. It causes alot of problems. "... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 23:27:21 EST Back on track I took my boys to the museum today, and walked just over 3 miles. And my calories are on track for the first time in I don't know how long! Hooray! One day at a time, right? I want to see that scale move again. I've been holding steady at 238. I want to get out of the 230s. That's my first goal. I want out of the 200s! I'm so tired of being so big. I want to chase my kids, and go horseback riding. I don't want the fat girl anymore. I'm so ready to be done!!! <em>91</em> <em>52... Sat, 20 Feb 2016 22:55:21 EST My body is frustrating me. So since my youngest was born, weight is in different places. It's frustrating. But what's driving me really nuts, is that as I loose weight or gain muscle, clothes that once fit, suddenly don't. I mean, this should be a duh. But for some reason I guess I thought that I'd just reach my goal weight simply, and only have to replace clothes when I got there (!). <BR> <BR> Um, there's a LOT of sizes between a 24 and an 8! What was I thinking? <BR> <BR> I will be very glad when I'm down... Mon, 8 Feb 2016 22:29:40 EST I need different foods I ate decently today. Actually brought mine and my son's lunches with me, then stopped at the corner store to get some wheat thins to go with it (We need to go grocery shopping!) I went over my calories for the day, but I'm still hungry! I'm thinking maybe it has to do with the foods I'm choosing. Or maybe that I have a mix of good foods, and not so good foods. I'm also in the process of transitioning to a gluten free diet to see if that helps my epilepsy. So maybe I'm more hungry bec... Fri, 5 Feb 2016 22:18:50 EST What a screwy day So today was supposed to be a productive day of cleaning. Until my poor son was up all night with nightmares. :( It started at 11:30. We all went to bed at 5am. It was horrible. No one slept well except in my 8 mo old. So we spent the day half awake, and when it was nap time, all 4 of us collapsed. <BR> So yea, the cleaning didn't happen. I did manage to get my walking and ST in, and my food is good today. But wow, otherwise, this day did not go well! Sun, 31 Jan 2016 21:19:03 EST I did measurements today The results were not pretty. Last time I did them was Thanksgiving. And I have done "just this once"pretty much since. I am ashamed of myself. I know what to do. I just don't seem to be able to do it. I do well for a day or two, then I screw up. That starts the ball rolling and it just gains speed. Couple that with the mess my epilepsy has been, which means more soy, and a thing for sugar I can't kick. <BR> I'm so tired and frustrated. I feel like there's no point to this anymore. M i... Sun, 24 Jan 2016 23:47:01 EST :_( It never fails. I go shopping for some article of clothing. I'm in a pretty good mood. Then I start looking. And looking. And looking. There is nothing but the plainest, ugliest, most BORING clothing available in my size. I'm shopping for underwear. This shouldn't be so hard! But God FORBID I want to look cute. Or Sexy. Or anything other than a fat blob. I was in such a good mood. I'd been productive today. I did well with the kids. My hubby gave me some compliments that made ... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 21:56:25 EST Starbucks <em>287</em> I love going to Starbucks. yes, I know its horrible for me. And its way overpriced. Well, I went in today. to find, as the barista was making my drink and I was paying, that my already overpriced drink had gone up by nearly a full dollar. My drink was almost $7!!! <em>227</em> Holy crap! Not that $6 isnt bad, but this is ridiculous. I think they may finally have given me the last push to stop going there everyday, and when I do, to step down to a small. <BR> I'm bummed t... Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:13:09 EST Finally relaxing My husband is home. Not sick, not worn out, and finally taking care of the boys. I am so glad to just rest. The rule between us is whoever ISN"T sick takes the kids. Or if we both are, the less sick one gets the kids. But can wake the other one for help. <BR> <BR> So I'm just sitting here, typing, catching up here, and listening to music with headphones. For the first time in awhile I don't have to jump up every time the kids need something. It feels SOO good. They're in the next r... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 23:42:31 EST I control what I eat. How is it, at 34 years of age, this is a surprising statement? This is hard to wrap my head around, which is REALLY silly. Chris and I decided to begin a gluten-free diet. I was worried about what my inlaws would think. Ya know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is what makes me the healthiest. I am in control of what I eat. <BR> <em>550</em> <BR> And you know what? So are you! You control what YOU eat. Not your mom. Not your spouse, not anyone but you! <BR> <BR> <em>26... Wed, 2 Dec 2015 21:05:29 EST Gluten Free and epilepsy Some of you may know that I have epilepsy. The meds only do so much to control it. So I've been doing some research on other ways to control it, and have come up with 2 ideas - the ketogenic diet, and living gluten-free. They both would be a huge lifestyle change for my whole family, so Chris and I are going to sit down and discuss doing the gluten Free one. It sounds like it could help, I'm just worried I'm going to uproot our diets for something that won't help. Although cutting out pr... Tue, 1 Dec 2015 21:55:20 EST $$&*&^(^&*(_)(+_)()*(&*&^*^%^*%( It's been one of THOSE days. I woke up very close to a seizure.I have spent all day sleeping, taking meds, drinking soy (it helps). I've got over 1500 calories in DRINK ALONE. I HATE this; I can't do anything about it. It wasn't a lack of sleep, it wasn't a missed dose, it was just a bad day. I don't know why. I took a couple naps, and it's mostly under control now. <BR> I feel so helpless, and frustrated, Nothing was working. I feel broken when the seizures happen like this It wa... Sat, 21 Nov 2015 21:03:03 EST It's November! Wow, I haven't written since the end of September? I knew it had been a while, but not THAT long! <BR> So I am stuck at 230. I can't seem to move from there. And I know the problem. I've let myself get sucked in by the junk at the house. Most people in the house prefer junk food, so I can't just flip it out or anything. And the Halloween candy....SO hard to resist! But I'm trying. I was only a little over yesterday, and so far today, I'm good. I have dinner yet to go, but it will be... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 21:55:23 EST The Park! I took my 2.5 year old to the park today. I made myself run. And climb. and jump. It was hard work!! But fun. Boy did I work up a sweat! No wonder kids are so skinny!! And they do have more energy. Probably because they use more. Its kind of like my milk supply (I'm nursing) The less I nurse, the less milk I make. The less energy I use, the less my body makes. It's all supply, and demand. I had a good day. And my son was delighted. I want to be able to do this more wirh him and his bro... Fri, 25 Sep 2015 18:16:49 EST Tracking climbing at the mcds play place I am sore! My 2.5 year old dragged me up the tunnels in the play place! I remember them being so much bigger! Of course, I was much smaller. But boy, is that a workout! ! I love watching him become braver and more adventurous! Wed, 23 Sep 2015 19:21:13 EST Tracking when you're sick How do you track food if you puke? Sorry for the gross question, but I had denny's today, and it didn't sit well. So I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Thankfully, I am feeling better now! Today is just not going as planned. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> Sat, 12 Sep 2015 21:49:46 EST I'm a whale :_( I am so mortified and humiliated. I was, at McDonald's in Navy Pier today. I know, not healthy, but it was fast and cheap. I went to sit at one of those tables where the damn chairs are bolted to the floor (who the hell invented those, anyway??) and I didn't fit. Normally they're not exactly comfortable, but this one I didn't fit at all. To add insult to injury, I moved to another table, which was also like that (most of them were) and while I fit there, when I went to get out, I found... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 20:31:43 EST Planned food So for once today, I remembered to actually plan most of my food. And what I didn't plan, I tracked right away, so that way I was able to make adjustments for what I was going to have later. I've got the hamburger and chips and dip and strawberries already tracked. Chris is cooking, and they smell SOOO good. <BR> I hope you all had a great Labor Day! <BR> <em>67</em> <BR> Mon, 7 Sep 2015 20:18:40 EST Shopping, and lonely So I went shopping today for some new clothes, as my tops are fitting a big loosely. (yea!) I only got 2 things, partly because I didn't have alot of time, and partly because I'm not QUITE in a lower size yet. I'm getting there. So clothing shopping is still a bit depressing. I'm pretty critical, especially of my belly. I know I am, but it's so hard not to be. <BR> <BR> I have not been planning my food well enough, and I'm finding that while most of my choices are at least decent, I ... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 00:31:58 EST Warning: Whine ahead. I have a toothache. A bad one. And worse, it's gotten infected. I've been talking to my dentist, who prescribed an antibiotic, which I started today. My lower left jaw is swollen and achy. I have a tooth that needs pulling, but I have to wait till the 12th for that, because I have no one to watch the kids for that long during the week. <BR> <BR> I'm not in as much pain as I was yesterday (OMG, that was AWFUL!), so that's good. Honestly, I don't think I would have gotten any sleep if ... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 19:58:49 EST A glimpse of the future <img src=""> Today was my belly dancing class. There are, of course, full length mirrors on the front wall I realized during class today, I never watch myself dance, only the teacher. So I watched. I managed to correct some technical issues, and I had a great class. The other thing that happened as I watched myself is that I, saw a glimpse of where I was heading. I saw that instead of having "no butt" like I ke... Sat, 29 Aug 2015 23:18:27 EST NSV and a goof up So my favorite pants are too big! Yea! <em>224</em> So I spent this morning looking for pants I could wear. Apparently, the last time I lost weight, I must have lost at different intervals, because I had a bunch of pants that I just don't QUITE fit, and only one or 2 that I do fit. So I have to go shopping. Guess I have to hit the resale shops, and I need better shoes. <BR> <BR> I have been walking a TON! I'm walking 2 + miles a day, for at least 3 weeks now! I load up the boys... Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:37:11 EST Tonight's tired review I'm tired. It's 9:15, but both my boys are still awake. Fitness was good, food was alright. My lunch was atrocious. 800 calories. Ick. So I managed to rebound for dinner, which was good. I SO have the munchies right now, which is why I'm sitting here blogging and playing on Spark. :) I've had to up how much soy I've had though, because my seizures are acting up a little bit. I tend to not "count" that when it's actually necessary, because I don't really get a choice in having that ... Sat, 22 Aug 2015 22:24:38 EST