BEAUTY_WITHIN's SparkPeople Blog BEAUTY_WITHIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 31 weeks I'm 31 weeks tomorrow. And I'm so tired. Everything is hard, and my boys want nothing more than for me to pick them up, and I just can't do it. My middle baby gets upset, but my oldest understands that I can't, but then he gets worried because I have "ouchies" as he puts it. I keep telling him it's normal, nothing is wrong, but I'm not sure he believes me. He is only 4. A very smart and mature 4, but still only 4. I feel so bad that I can't carry them, especially since they've been glu... Mon, 14 Aug 2017 23:21:53 EST hi I haven't blogged in a while. Aside from being busy with the boys, and getting ready for the baby, I've had alot going on emotionally. I'm excited about my baby girl,but it's been so hard. I've got alot of medical stuff going on, aside from the usual epilepsy. There's the Gestational diabetes, which is super confusing, and makes eating really SUCK. I'm so tired of scrutinizing EVERYTHING I eat. My fingers hurt from getting stuck constantly,and it's just plain depressing. Oh, and I'm now ... Sun, 6 Aug 2017 18:35:04 EST Welcome to the Third trimester! So I am officially in the third trimester! I can't believe it. So far it has alternately flown and dragged. Little Lilian is due on October 18th, but due to medical complications, which this pregnancy has been FULL of, I will probably be scheduled for a cesarean birth around September 27th or so. We'll get the bassinet this month, which is exciting! I still need a coming home outfit, diaper bag, and some other things. :) I'm excited! <BR> This is when Lilian will really start to pack o... Thu, 20 Jul 2017 00:21:25 EST Six years, and what has changed? Ok, that title sounds really depressing! I didn't mean for it to be. I didn't realize I'd been here for 6 years till I started getting congrats from people! LOL. I started this site the year I turned 30, just after I moved in with my then-fiance. I remember being shocked at tracking an ordinary day, and realizing that I was consuming at least 3,000 calories per day. Probably more, as I wasn't checking serving sizes. I'd go to a restaurant, and have 4 or 5 glasses of soda in a meal. Yik... Sat, 1 Jul 2017 00:39:58 EST Isn't it time for this baby to be here?? I am so over this. The weight is coming off, which is great, but I can't keep doing this. I'm analyzing like EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth. I can't get my numbers under control. I am SO SICK of eggs. I'm sure they'll put me on meds the next time I go in, and I can't say it would be surprising. I dread meal and snack time. I stare at the fridge and cabinets and can't find anything that looks appealing. And then my damn in laws give me and my kids donuts! DONUTS?? Seriously? I wa... Thu, 29 Jun 2017 00:45:44 EST Finally looking up! So my numbers are finally evening out! I've even lost weight! Which makes me a very happy momma. One of the hard things for me being pregnant, is seeing all the weight I lost come back. So I'm happy. I commented on this to my mom, who said "Yea, when you quit eating all that junk you feel better and you actually start losing all that weight." <em>475</em> <BR> *sighs* <BR> Way to take the wind out of my sails. No, I wasn't eating perfectly, but I also wasn't gorging on cookies and... Fri, 23 Jun 2017 23:23:55 EST Useless dietitian So I finally saw the dietician today. What a waste of time. She managed to explain some things, but mostly she was confused by my questions! I still have morning sickness and needed to eat more frequently than suggested; she wasn't sure what to say about that. I don't drink milk,and eat little dairy, as the baby doesn't like it. This really confused her. She didn't even try to discuss how to handle the soy milk! <BR> All in all, I'm no less confused than when I went in, and I'm so disap... Mon, 19 Jun 2017 16:19:46 EST Yo yo numbers I'm working hard on getting my GD numbers, trying to sort out why my numbers are high when they are, and why they are good. Due to some insurance problems, I will probably NOT see the nutritionist tomorrow. *sighs* Insurance is a pain. But I will get there. My high# for the day was 147, and I'm guessing it was because of the white rice. <BR> Most people in the house dislike whole grain rice, which I don't understand. But we'll figure it out. <BR> My water has been good; 6 cups today. ... Thu, 8 Jun 2017 00:05:14 EST The Pity Party is OVER. Ok, so yesterday was the pity party day. I spent all day, and part of the morning feeling sorry for myself and just generally miserable. I'm done with that. I have this. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm trying different things; tracking my food along with my numbers, and doing some research. I have an appointment with the dietitian Thursday, thankfully. I want to thank you all for your support and advice. I've been doing my best, but it's hard when I don't know what I'm really doing ... Tue, 6 Jun 2017 14:56:47 EST Still fighting with the GD Food is just so hard these days. I'm still having trouble with my numbers. It would probably help if I had been able to sit down with a dietitian. I finally have an appointment with one on Thursday. I have spent all day totally frustrated. I eat what I THINK will be ok, and my number is sky high. I swear, it goes better if I DON"T try to eat well! ARGH. I'm halfway through the pregnancy. I will be so glad to see October. I'm gonna see if there's a diabetes challenge to do. I'm part of... Mon, 5 Jun 2017 23:14:28 EST :( I saw the OB yesterday. Lillian Rose looks good. Unfortunately, I've developed gestational diabetes on top of the anemia. This pregnancy seems to be especially hard on me. I'll be making an appointment with a nutritionist and the high risk doctor next week. I am NOT happy about this. At this rate, I just want it to be October. I want my daughter to be here. I want my body to go back to normal so I can quit taking fistfuls of pills,and take care of my body the way I know how. <BR> <B... Sat, 20 May 2017 17:09:28 EST Wow, it's been awhile. I'm sorry I've been gone for awhile. But I'm back, and I'm finally taking care of myself /again. I'm 16 weeks and 4 days today. So much has happened. First, we found out we're having a girl! Finally! Horray! Her name is Lilian Rose. <BR> My hubby lost his job, so now we have to deal with getting on State benifits. Hopefully I can keep my dr, she's great. We had my boys' joint birthday party; Nate is 4, and Wes will be 2 on Memorial Day. It has all gone so fast. I haven't had time for... Sun, 7 May 2017 00:46:53 EST Depressed. :( So I got blood work back today. Apparently I'm anemic, and my a1c was high, which means now they're gonna send me for a 1 hour glucose test, which is like the most awful thing ever. I've done some reading and research on managing them, and it's pretty straightforward and basically normal healthy eating. Unfortunately, it's really hard to avoid junk in this house. And I've gotten used to it, so I'm upset today. I don't want to do this all over again. Which is stupid. I WANT to be sick? ... Tue, 25 Apr 2017 21:18:32 EST Getting the hang of things <img src=""> <BR> So I am finally getting the hang of pregnancy again. Food is fairly regular, tho I keep discovering stuff baby won't let me eat. Energy is mostly back, as I move into the 2nd trimester. I've been working hard to keep my water going well, and my exercise going good. We're looking at an apartment Wen! We might actually be able to get our own place! I'm excited, but trying to not get my hopes up in... Mon, 10 Apr 2017 00:59:15 EST RIP Bogie I swear, it's one thing after another lately. We had to put my cat down yesterday. <em>239</em> He hadn't been doing well for the last few days, and we were planning on taking him to the Vet today or tomorrow. My FIL found him yesterday morning, and he was just laying there. He actually thought he was already gone. They got me and hubby up, and we sat with him for a good chunk of the day. We actually expected he would just slip away. Later in the day, he started to seize, so we took... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 17:54:33 EST Having such a hard time I'm gaining weight already. I know this is normal. I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to be. Logically. I know this. But I've worked so hard to get my weight DOWN, to see it creeping up, even when it should be, is depressing. I've been so nauseous, it's been hard to eat well. I'm eating my last meal at like 11 because I'm suddenly starving, and I've been not hungry till like 11am, so my food is all wonky. Water feels really "heavy", so I'm not drinking alot. <BR> I haven't been on as much as ... Wed, 22 Mar 2017 23:34:27 EST Wow, it's really the 11th? Well, the last week or so has disappeared in a haze of being sick. I've been sick for about 4 days now. I think. I'm honestly not sure. I know Wen I was horribly nauseous all morning, and by that evening, Chris' aunt came home, took one look at me, and sent me to bed, telling me she'd watch the kids. I slept most of the next few days, barely ate, and drank constantly, whenever I woke up. I have never been more grateful for the extra hands in the house. I'm finally coming out the other ... Sat, 11 Mar 2017 23:43:12 EST Rough ride This is my 4th pregnancy. For some reason, I'm finding this one especially hard. The mood swings have been tough. I've been weepy alot. (which is annoying!) I went shopping for maternity clothes today, since I managed to be at Target alone for a change. I swear, they seem to thing that only people who are a size 2 get pregnant and want to look cute while they are. There were tons of horizontal stripes on stuff. I mean seriously, those look awful on ANYONE, no matter the size. I hated ... Sun, 5 Mar 2017 01:03:23 EST Settling in Thanks for all the congratulations everyone! I'm finally getting adjusted to the idea of being pregnant again, and settling back in to eating well. I used the pregnancy as an excuse to eat horribly for a few days. NO, NOT an excuse. I lost weight with the first pregnancy eating well. I believe that's why. I would be THRILLED to loose weight with this pregnancy as well, if everything is ok. <BR> Friday is our first appointment, so I'll hopefully hear baby's heartbeat, and maybe even see... Sun, 26 Feb 2017 20:45:29 EST OK, let's REMEMBER you're pregnant. <img src=""> <BR> I,am pregnant. But I don't feel it yet. Haven't had the first Dr appointment, haven't heard a heartbeat. Hell, most of the symptoms haven't even kicked in yet. So getting on the scale today for my group weigh in was DEPRESSING. UP 5 lbs. Most of it is probably water gain, since I did my other group weigh in on,Wen, and was 227, but still. It's hard to see those numbers climb, whatever the reason.... Sun, 19 Feb 2017 00:00:43 EST I'm PREGNANT! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <em>178</em> <em>139</em> <BR> <BR> I'm expecting baby #4! Found out 2 days ago! I'm 4 weeks along, so just really early still. It's funny, every time I get close to 200, I get pregnant. It's been like this since I got pregnant with Nathan! With him i lost weight during the pregnancy (Much to my dr's dismay, but I really WASN'T trying!) With the next 2 I gained. I"m hoping that... Sat, 11 Feb 2017 19:08:50 EST McDonald's a Great workout! My oldest son's favorite place in wither is the McDonald's PlayPlace.My youngest son is now old enough to want to explore it, but he's still afraid of the tunnels. So we he tries to climb the mesh area that goes up 4 levels. He loves it, but he's to short too do it alone. So I've been climbing it with him. For the last two days. Yesterday for about 3 hours, and today for about 4. I've spent most of that time climbing with him. I got home yesterday, and even standing was exhausting. I a... Thu, 9 Feb 2017 20:32:51 EST Dropping, and catching So my weight is on its way down again. And I'm really happy about that. However, I have noticed, that I have a tendency to sabotage myself when I start loosing weight. I'll have an "oops" day...and thing you know, I'm back where I started. <BR> <BR> I'm at 225. 1 lb away from where I ended my last 5% challenge. <BR> <BR> And I'm doing it again, for the last few days, I've had "oops" days. Except they aren't oops. Because I DO choose what to eat. I choose what not t... Sun, 5 Feb 2017 18:49:30 EST Today is going well! I'm having a good day today! I've been making a habit to get 2 glasses of water (1 really tall glass!) of water before I head out for the day, around 12 for school days, 1 or 2 on non school days. Today I managed 3 glasses! I'm really proud of that; that's been really rough for me. I am finding that as I drink more water, my taste for sugary drinks is decreasing again. <em>91</em> <BR> <BR> My knee is all healed again. Horray! I was thinking how I saw this huge jump in weight and ... Tue, 31 Jan 2017 14:35:32 EST Blog I keep forgetting to write! So I did my measurements on the 20th. I meant to do my blog that day. So much was down. So much. <BR> <BR> Old numbers <BR> Waist 47.5 <BR> Hips 48.5 <BR> thigh 25.75 <BR> upper arm 12.5 <BR> calf 17.25 <BR> breasts 50 <BR> ribcage 44.25 <BR> belly 48 <BR> Neck 14.75 <BR> <BR> New Numbers <BR> Waist 46.5 <BR> Hips 46.5 <BR> thigh 24.75 <BR> upper arm 14.5 <BR> calf 17.5 <BR> breasts 48.75 <BR> ribcage 41.25 <BR> belly 46.5 <BR> Neck 15 <BR> <BR> I'm down to two rolls on my back. Whi... Fri, 27 Jan 2017 00:58:50 EST The blog with no name Wow, I started this blog yesterday! And apparently didn't finish it! <BR> <BR> Things are getting back to normal after Nate's stint in the hospital. He is definitely asthmatic, so we now carry an inhaler for him. So far we don't know his triggers. So things are settling down, and I finally saw some weight loss, after a few weeks of gain. <BR> <BR> Today's my birthday! So far I've splurged. I might already be over, I haven't tracked. If I am today, that's ok, I'm not going to sweat... Mon, 16 Jan 2017 15:27:15 EST Officially official So we have a confirmation of Nate's diagnosis. Asthma. We have a good Dr who did give us a good starter plan with an inhaler, steroids, and a nebulizer. The problem is I am Terrified. I knew a girl in grade school whose dad died from an asthma attack. My father in,law and husband both have it, which scares me. But now my little boy does. Everyone in this house is so used to it, they don't think much of it. So I am alone in my fear. I can't let Nate see it, of course. I don't want to scare h... Tue, 10 Jan 2017 23:57:52 EST My son is home My son is home. Thank God. <BR> We took him to the ER because he was sick and not breathing well. We have a family history of asthma, and we were 90% sure that he had it. We took him in at 1 am, and at 7, after 4 nebulous treatments, they decided to admit him for observation. He had responded well to the first one, but the next 3 didn't help. They put him on oxygen, and he fell asleep. They woke him up by sticking a fricking qtip up his nose to get a swab for the flu. The poor kid wo... Mon, 9 Jan 2017 00:24:51 EST New Year's Eve <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well, this is it, everyone! New Year's Eve. We wish fair thee well to the old year, and say hello to what lies ahead. So I went back to the my stats and blogs for the beginning of the year. I started the year weighing in at 228. I now weight 224. What those numbers DON"T say is how I lost weight, gained it back, and dropped it again. Same with inches. I went back and reread some of m... Sat, 31 Dec 2016 19:40:52 EST Measurement So I did my measurements today. I am really disappointed in myself today. Almost every area went up, with the exception of 2 of them. This is the first time in a while this has happened. I wasn't shocked, as one of my reclaimed pair of jeans is begging to return to the too small pile. I refuse! So tomorrow is the new start. Well, tonight, actually, since I did some yoga and I am having some water, since I am very thirsty. I don't know what my problem is. It's not the holidays... Tue, 27 Dec 2016 01:02:38 EST Week 2 of my challenge I did my weigh in today. It's stuck. I haven't gained, which is great. My fitness is still on track, which is probably why I haven't gained. My calories aren't so great. I have been feeling too constricted in my eating. I'm tired of tracking, and just haven't been wanting to deal with it. I've been here for about 5 years, and I'm only down 13 lbs. :( It's getting old. I don't want to be this big. But I'm tired of fighting with it. I feel like I'm always gonna be this big, no mat... Tue, 20 Dec 2016 19:26:07 EST Three has less calories than 4 I had to remind myself of this today. I did great through breakfast and lunch. Even at Starbucks. I had 400 calories left till my low end. We had fish sticks and tater tots for supper. And just like that, I was over. :( So I had a piece of chocolate coal. And another. And another. Finally managed to walk away. I'm not too happy. This challenge hasn't been going well. I'm two weeks in, and while the scale hasn't gone up yet, I feel the difference in my pants. I will not regain what I lost! I h... Sun, 18 Dec 2016 00:13:50 EST Chocolate We celebrate St Nicholas Day. With the stockings comes Chocolate. A LOT of it! And it is hard to resist. I haven't done too well with it. But I have noticed that when I indulge, I crash. I mean, yes, I knew there was a sugar crash after awhile, but this is the first time I've put the sad spells I have for seemingly no reason, together with the sugar. But I do think that that's the culprit. The depression doesn't last long, maybe a half hour, but I'm sad, depressed, and weepy during that time.... Sun, 11 Dec 2016 23:49:18 EST Amazing weekend I had a great weekend. My family went to a friend's son's 2nd birthday yesterday, and we had a wonderful time. The boys were well behaved, and enjoyed their friend's company. The food was delicious. I could have made better choices though. I ended up over. Oh well. Except that's been a trend for the last 3 days. Today was pretty great too. We got our first real snowfall in Chicago, and it was beautiful. We all went for a walk, hoping to get the kids to nap, but we discounted the allu... Mon, 5 Dec 2016 00:14:58 EST My scale played a horrible, nasty, awful joke on me this morning. So I weighed myself in the afternoon yesterday. I usually do this the day before weigh in day. That weight was 226. So today, my new weigh-in day, (It changed because of the requirements of the Scarlet Dragons group) I got on my newish scale. I've had it for several months. And it flashed at 180!!! For a moment I was thrilled. Onderland! Oh my gosh! I did it. Then it dawned on me, 40lb OVERNIGHT? The scale must be broken. So I borrowed a family member's scale. 224. That makes MU... Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:04:57 EST The House Devil I think that's my name over here. <em>18</em> <em>18</em> I'm trying not to make a bunch of comfort food. I'm frustrated and tired. I live with my inlaws. And they have very specific ideas on how the kids should be raised, which of course, vary from mine & my husbands. He's at work all day, so I'm stuck dealing with them. This time, I had the NERVE to let my 3 year old walk home in the rain so he could jump in the puddles. So naturally, he's got wet shoes, socks, and pants when h... Mon, 28 Nov 2016 19:50:52 EST Fall clothes So I mentioned a week ago or so, I was pulling out my fall clothes, and I was hoping they'd be too big. Some people wanted me to report, so here ya go. First of all, i hadn't put away any pants. Which means I actually do only have about 5 pair that for right now. I would like at least 1 more pair of jeans. Most of my tops still fit. I had a couple that I donated because they were big enough that they hung wrong now. They weren't huge, but not bad. So I don't really need anything new yet. I... Mon, 28 Nov 2016 00:38:41 EST Thanksgiving <img src=""> <BR> I had a great Thanksgiving. Spent time with my family and my best friend. Had a great meal, and a few too many treats. I was over by about 700. Not awful, but more than I was planning. That's ok. I'm back on track today. The day before yesterday, I had to bring my wedding dress down from the attic. So for the heck of it, I tried it on. I was hoping it would be too big, and it was a bit loose in th... Sat, 26 Nov 2016 00:45:06 EST 5% challenge I did my weigh in today. I went down .6 to 224.0. I did the 5% challenge this fall, and it helped kick me out of my rut, finally. I had been waffling between 228 and 232 for months. The idea was we had 10 weeks to loose 5% of our body weight, which for me was 11lbs, which would have brought be to 221. This was the last week, and final weigh in. I had 2 rough weeks, but I managed to loose weight most weeks, and 224 is pretty close! Even if I didn't make the 5%, I'm proud of myself, and ... Sat, 19 Nov 2016 22:51:42 EST Update My abs are sore! I'm working on really keeping good posture, and that requires my abs. They are sore! But it's a good sore. I have been hitting my 10,000 steps most days of the week. The days I don't, I'm getting in at least 4,000. But Tues-Thur, I'm generally over that 10,000 mark! Do any of you have any good tips for walking in the winter? We've been blessed with unusually warm weather for Chicago in Nov, High of 63 today, high of 70 tomorrow! But it can turn snowy any day now. <B... Wed, 16 Nov 2016 15:12:20 EST A good day & 5% Challenge I'm really tired, but I had a pretty good day, so I thought I'd share. <BR> <BR> Some of you may remember that I had been stuck yo-yoing between 232 and 228. So in an effort to snap out of this, I joined the fall 5% challenge. The goal was within 2 months (I believe) to loose 5% of your current weight. I started at 232. 5% for me was 11 lbs, bringing me down to 221. <BR> I started tracking more accurately. <em>249</em> <BR> I started planning my meals (at least a little more, I'm... Mon, 14 Nov 2016 23:02:48 EST So tired So my weigh in didn't go well. I'm up by 2 lb. I had 2 not good days. I was hoping that wouldn't be reflected in today, but so much for that. I'm doing the 5% challenge, and I wanted so much to loose the 11lbs that was my 5 %. There's no hope of that now. Best I can do is 226, if I manage to stay on track this week. If I manage that, I will have lost 6 lbs, which is still good. I'll be happy, even if it's not what I hoped for. Tonight is date night. I am so tired. The kids are down, and I'm ... Sat, 12 Nov 2016 00:00:02 EST More NSVs I am staying on track. I am under calories again. And I managed 5 glasses of water today. This is a great thing for me, I'm bad at keeping my water where it should be. My son wanted me to run with him on the way to school, and I told myself, Why not? I tell him no when he wants me to run most of the time. We ran probably less than a block, and I kept up with him . At 3, he's got much shorter legs and so he should be slower than me, but hey, I'm happy! And when we were some, I wasn't even brea... Wed, 9 Nov 2016 00:48:28 EST A glimpse of who I could be I had some great NSVs today. First of all, I am wearing my Firefly shirt. The last time I wore this shirt,less than a month ago, it kept trying to roll up over my belly, and was also tight in the bust. Today, however, it fits well! No tightness anyway. Secondly, my jeans, the first button up pair I've worn in ages, are starting to get loose! If I wiggle them a bit, I can get them off without unzipping! Thirdly, on the days my son doesn't have school, I walk about a mile to a mile and a ha... Tue, 8 Nov 2016 00:09:42 EST Strength training? Today is a st day. And I meant to do it before bed. But I am so exhausted that all I've got energy for is to put the kids down. Even the idea of ST is exhausting. So I guess I will do it in the morning tomorrow. I just can't summon the energy tonight/ :( <BR> I had a nice day shopping at Barnes and Noble with a friend. We decided we are going to do a craft show together. at some point. No idea when, but I'm trying to think of ideas. What would you buy at a craft fair that's either kn... Sun, 6 Nov 2016 22:52:16 EST Weigh-in day Well, the mess showed up on the scale. I am up 2 lbs. :( I'm unhappy, but I know what I did, so it's not too unexpected. I'm getting back on track. I have tracked my food for the day already, I have done some walking, and today is a ST day. I am not going to let 2 lbs derail me! <BR> <BR> <em>381</em> Fri, 4 Nov 2016 14:39:49 EST My messy week <img src=""> <BR> Spark is making this hard! <BR> <BR> Awesome, that worked. I started the blog from the phone where the picture was, then I edited. So with halloween, and everything this week, I haven't been here much at all. I haven't even completely tracked, which is unusual for me. <BR> <BR> I took the picture today cause I was feeling pretty and a little sexy. And...then I had a horrible day foodwise. ... Thu, 3 Nov 2016 23:51:42 EST Bras So I went bra shopping today. Didn't get anything, but I measured - and fit WELL! a 44Dd!! I haven't been anything lower than a G in years!! I am so thrilled! And I am down 2 more lbs!! Yea! Sat, 29 Oct 2016 21:22:11 EST Had a blah day Today was a day I just couldn't care. My epilepsy has been flaring up off and on all day. <em>54</em> (Lightning bolt because seizures has been described as a thunderstorm in the brain) <BR> <BR> Nate had school today, and it was pouring. Since I don't drive, we walked. Or rather, I walked, and the kids rode in the stroller. Ugh. So I'm pushing the stroller with one hand, with an umbrella in the other. Not fun. Surprisingly, I did not get too soaked. Horray. <BR> <BR> I just wa... Thu, 27 Oct 2016 00:25:53 EST So how it went Well, it went ok. I'm a bit over because I miscalculated my soy, but about 100 calories. I had to sub out breakfast cause there weren't any eggs. (oops).And then dinner, cause hubby wouldn't be able to stop at the store. Oh well. I tried. I already have tomorrow's food planned out, with a bit more room for error this time. <BR> I'm looking forward to doing my measurements next week! I'm tempted to jump the gun again and do it a week early like I did last month, but this time I WILL w... Mon, 17 Oct 2016 23:24:51 EST