BEAUTY_WITHIN's SparkPeople Blog BEAUTY_WITHIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I"m out of fun titles Today was an unexpected day, which involved eating out "dinner" at 4. At Burger King. Not a great choice, but everyone had to go to the bathroom, and with a 3 year old, this is a DESPERATE situation. Then come 9/10 pm, I'm peckish. Not HUNGRY, mind you, but I went ahead and made the canned spaghetti that I'd been saving cause it was easy, and sounded good. Not my finest choices ever. Se lavi. <BR> <BR> I did get a walk in, and some yoga, and lots of water, so that was good. I think ... Fri, 27 May 2016 00:40:31 EST No title :) My knee is still mad at me. I did half of my normal walk, since it stormed before I could do the other half. I did a really great job on water. 2 glasses at home, a 20 oz glass at Starbucks, another 10 oz, and. About 8 oz of unsweetened iced tea. Not completely there, but definitely better. Breakfast was good. Just a yogurt with my boys. Lunch wasn't so great. Half of A grilled chicken and artichoke panini, which wasn't bad. But the 5 cheese sticks were!! Oops! I'm sitting here in the dark ... Wed, 25 May 2016 23:01:05 EST Today So today was a good day. I got a new stroller for the boys. Its a double jogging stroller. It handles like a DREAM. I couldn't wait to take it for a (gasp!) run! And it was wonderful!! So now I have no reason to not jog. My body definitely needs the rest day after though. I get so stiff, and my knees are unhappy for the rest of the day. That's ok though. They did that when I started walking more, and I just took it easy and they got used to it. I did a lot of walking today. 4 hours worth, a... Mon, 23 May 2016 23:18:44 EST I was sick :( I was sick yesterday. Still am, today, but I'm alot better. Amazingly, I still managed to get alot of walking in with the kids. AND even though I didn't track at all, I was still within calories! WOOHOO! Today I walked to Starbucks, had my drink, and the leftovers I brought from home. I'm sitting here contemplating what to make for dinner. I never worry about that kind of stuff! LOL. We've been trying to make it a point to sit down together to dinner as a family every night. Besides... Sat, 21 May 2016 16:55:15 EST The scale is just a number, right? So I did my weigh in today. Totally stark naked, before my shower. And I'm stuck at 230. I've been there for like a month and a half. I'm really getting frustrated. I have been really busting my butt this week. <em>33</em> <BR> <BR> I pushed myself physically. I started running again. I haven't run in 2 years - since I was pregnant with my 2nd baby, the one who died. <em>182</em> <BR> <BR> I have been really careful with my food. I have NOT gotten to measuring foods yet.... Thu, 19 May 2016 11:47:25 EST After Meal Sweet Tooth After every meal, except breakfast, depending on what I eat, I have a craving for something sweet. Not anything in particular, just SWEET. Tonight I am 15 calories from my high end, and I REALLY don't want to go over. So I just sat here. Putzed around here and on facebook. Had a little water. And you know what? It's fading. I might have a spoonful or two of unsweetened applesauce still, but I'm not craving it anymore. I didn't know it would go away if I could make myself just sit thr... Mon, 16 May 2016 00:08:10 EST 2 days in a row! Today is my 2nd day without the boys! I went out with my mom & grandma for a belated mother's day yesterday, and my hubby & the boys picked me up in the evening. This afternoon, Chris decided to make use of the weekend pass I had from going to mom's and took the boys on a train ride. He loves to just ride the rails, and my oldest is like that too. Wes is too young to care. <BR> So I dug out the bike today, and biked down to Starbucks to relax, catch up here, and work on my shop a little.... Sun, 15 May 2016 15:35:19 EST Rambling <img src=""> <BR> Its been a crazy few days. Mother's day was fun. I got some new summer clothes (which I definitely needed). And yesterday and Mother's day I felt so STRONG. I had some good NSVs too. We went to Cold stone for ice cream on Mother's Day, and I got their medium instead of the Large that I really wanted. I asked my hubby to make us stir fry for dinner last night (lefters for tonight!), so that was y... Tue, 10 May 2016 17:38:24 EST I suck at this I want to loose the weight. I really do. So why isn't I ??? Why is it that when faced eith the choice of healthy vs sweet and tasty, I so rarely go the healthy route? I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I am 700 calories over!!!! I don't think I will ever manage this. :_( Fri, 6 May 2016 22:41:24 EST Changing choices So my in-laws bought donnettes. YUMMY. I managed to resist, and make a smoothie. <em>491</em> And then They were calling some more. So finally I took one out. And had 2 bites of it. (A serving is 4 of them) Ya know, it left a weird feeling in the roof of my mouth. I think maybe I don't like these so much after all. I'm proud I only had half of one, but I'm a bit sad that a favorite is starting to not taste so good after all. It's kind of hard to watch my favorites become things I ... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 18:26:46 EST If you don't like your consequences, change your choices. I say this to my 3 year old a lot. I hope that he will come to understand the relationship between action and reaction and make better choices. But I am horrible at taking my own advice. I want to loose weight, to be healthy. But that (cake,cookie, milkshake, whatever) looks so GOOD. Its really hard to say no. Lord, I SOUND like my 3 year old! So today I have tracked my breakfast, which was healthy, lunch, which wasn't bad, and I'm about to track dinner, which was premade by my father in ... Wed, 27 Apr 2016 18:15:54 EST Trying to stay proud I've been having a really good time lately, with NSVs. I've been packing lunch for me and my,son (a HUGE DEAL, as ilove eating out) for about a week now. Yesterday I walked 4 miles!!! FOUR!!! And did squats. Oh, am I sore. Today so far, I've walked 2.5 miles. Again with the sore. I will probably walk home, which is another .75 mile, and then i will collapse. Might manage some yoga tonight. Food. It's been hard. Easter saw lots of junk, at least for snacking. Meals were not bad. Yesterday w... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 17:08:25 EST *le sighs* So I made a mess again today. I wasn't paying attention. I ate a whole personal pizza instead of a half like I meant to. That put me over. In every, Single. Category. Well crap. At this rate, I am never going to get anywhere. My clothes are getting tight again. I REFUSE to buy new ones, but I don't seem to be able to get anywhere!!! I saw my new GP. I told him I was working on loosing weight, and as I left the room, he says "Really try on your weight. It causes alot of problems. "... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 23:27:21 EST Back on track I took my boys to the museum today, and walked just over 3 miles. And my calories are on track for the first time in I don't know how long! Hooray! One day at a time, right? I want to see that scale move again. I've been holding steady at 238. I want to get out of the 230s. That's my first goal. I want out of the 200s! I'm so tired of being so big. I want to chase my kids, and go horseback riding. I don't want the fat girl anymore. I'm so ready to be done!!! <em>91</em> <em>52... Sat, 20 Feb 2016 22:55:21 EST My body is frustrating me. So since my youngest was born, weight is in different places. It's frustrating. But what's driving me really nuts, is that as I loose weight or gain muscle, clothes that once fit, suddenly don't. I mean, this should be a duh. But for some reason I guess I thought that I'd just reach my goal weight simply, and only have to replace clothes when I got there (!). <BR> <BR> Um, there's a LOT of sizes between a 24 and an 8! What was I thinking? <BR> <BR> I will be very glad when I'm down... Mon, 8 Feb 2016 22:29:40 EST I need different foods I ate decently today. Actually brought mine and my son's lunches with me, then stopped at the corner store to get some wheat thins to go with it (We need to go grocery shopping!) I went over my calories for the day, but I'm still hungry! I'm thinking maybe it has to do with the foods I'm choosing. Or maybe that I have a mix of good foods, and not so good foods. I'm also in the process of transitioning to a gluten free diet to see if that helps my epilepsy. So maybe I'm more hungry bec... Fri, 5 Feb 2016 22:18:50 EST What a screwy day So today was supposed to be a productive day of cleaning. Until my poor son was up all night with nightmares. :( It started at 11:30. We all went to bed at 5am. It was horrible. No one slept well except in my 8 mo old. So we spent the day half awake, and when it was nap time, all 4 of us collapsed. <BR> So yea, the cleaning didn't happen. I did manage to get my walking and ST in, and my food is good today. But wow, otherwise, this day did not go well! Sun, 31 Jan 2016 21:19:03 EST I did measurements today The results were not pretty. Last time I did them was Thanksgiving. And I have done "just this once"pretty much since. I am ashamed of myself. I know what to do. I just don't seem to be able to do it. I do well for a day or two, then I screw up. That starts the ball rolling and it just gains speed. Couple that with the mess my epilepsy has been, which means more soy, and a thing for sugar I can't kick. <BR> I'm so tired and frustrated. I feel like there's no point to this anymore. M i... Sun, 24 Jan 2016 23:47:01 EST :_( It never fails. I go shopping for some article of clothing. I'm in a pretty good mood. Then I start looking. And looking. And looking. There is nothing but the plainest, ugliest, most BORING clothing available in my size. I'm shopping for underwear. This shouldn't be so hard! But God FORBID I want to look cute. Or Sexy. Or anything other than a fat blob. I was in such a good mood. I'd been productive today. I did well with the kids. My hubby gave me some compliments that made ... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 21:56:25 EST Starbucks <em>287</em> I love going to Starbucks. yes, I know its horrible for me. And its way overpriced. Well, I went in today. to find, as the barista was making my drink and I was paying, that my already overpriced drink had gone up by nearly a full dollar. My drink was almost $7!!! <em>227</em> Holy crap! Not that $6 isnt bad, but this is ridiculous. I think they may finally have given me the last push to stop going there everyday, and when I do, to step down to a small. <BR> I'm bummed t... Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:13:09 EST Finally relaxing My husband is home. Not sick, not worn out, and finally taking care of the boys. I am so glad to just rest. The rule between us is whoever ISN"T sick takes the kids. Or if we both are, the less sick one gets the kids. But can wake the other one for help. <BR> <BR> So I'm just sitting here, typing, catching up here, and listening to music with headphones. For the first time in awhile I don't have to jump up every time the kids need something. It feels SOO good. They're in the next r... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 23:42:31 EST I control what I eat. How is it, at 34 years of age, this is a surprising statement? This is hard to wrap my head around, which is REALLY silly. Chris and I decided to begin a gluten-free diet. I was worried about what my inlaws would think. Ya know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is what makes me the healthiest. I am in control of what I eat. <BR> <em>550</em> <BR> And you know what? So are you! You control what YOU eat. Not your mom. Not your spouse, not anyone but you! <BR> <BR> <em>26... Wed, 2 Dec 2015 21:05:29 EST Gluten Free and epilepsy Some of you may know that I have epilepsy. The meds only do so much to control it. So I've been doing some research on other ways to control it, and have come up with 2 ideas - the ketogenic diet, and living gluten-free. They both would be a huge lifestyle change for my whole family, so Chris and I are going to sit down and discuss doing the gluten Free one. It sounds like it could help, I'm just worried I'm going to uproot our diets for something that won't help. Although cutting out pr... Tue, 1 Dec 2015 21:55:20 EST $$&*&^(^&*(_)(+_)()*(&*&^*^%^*%( It's been one of THOSE days. I woke up very close to a seizure.I have spent all day sleeping, taking meds, drinking soy (it helps). I've got over 1500 calories in DRINK ALONE. I HATE this; I can't do anything about it. It wasn't a lack of sleep, it wasn't a missed dose, it was just a bad day. I don't know why. I took a couple naps, and it's mostly under control now. <BR> I feel so helpless, and frustrated, Nothing was working. I feel broken when the seizures happen like this It wa... Sat, 21 Nov 2015 21:03:03 EST It's November! Wow, I haven't written since the end of September? I knew it had been a while, but not THAT long! <BR> So I am stuck at 230. I can't seem to move from there. And I know the problem. I've let myself get sucked in by the junk at the house. Most people in the house prefer junk food, so I can't just flip it out or anything. And the Halloween candy....SO hard to resist! But I'm trying. I was only a little over yesterday, and so far today, I'm good. I have dinner yet to go, but it will be... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 21:55:23 EST The Park! I took my 2.5 year old to the park today. I made myself run. And climb. and jump. It was hard work!! But fun. Boy did I work up a sweat! No wonder kids are so skinny!! And they do have more energy. Probably because they use more. Its kind of like my milk supply (I'm nursing) The less I nurse, the less milk I make. The less energy I use, the less my body makes. It's all supply, and demand. I had a good day. And my son was delighted. I want to be able to do this more wirh him and his bro... Fri, 25 Sep 2015 18:16:49 EST Tracking climbing at the mcds play place I am sore! My 2.5 year old dragged me up the tunnels in the play place! I remember them being so much bigger! Of course, I was much smaller. But boy, is that a workout! ! I love watching him become braver and more adventurous! Wed, 23 Sep 2015 19:21:13 EST Tracking when you're sick How do you track food if you puke? Sorry for the gross question, but I had denny's today, and it didn't sit well. So I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Thankfully, I am feeling better now! Today is just not going as planned. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> Sat, 12 Sep 2015 21:49:46 EST I'm a whale :_( I am so mortified and humiliated. I was, at McDonald's in Navy Pier today. I know, not healthy, but it was fast and cheap. I went to sit at one of those tables where the damn chairs are bolted to the floor (who the hell invented those, anyway??) and I didn't fit. Normally they're not exactly comfortable, but this one I didn't fit at all. To add insult to injury, I moved to another table, which was also like that (most of them were) and while I fit there, when I went to get out, I found... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 20:31:43 EST Planned food So for once today, I remembered to actually plan most of my food. And what I didn't plan, I tracked right away, so that way I was able to make adjustments for what I was going to have later. I've got the hamburger and chips and dip and strawberries already tracked. Chris is cooking, and they smell SOOO good. <BR> I hope you all had a great Labor Day! <BR> <em>67</em> <BR> Mon, 7 Sep 2015 20:18:40 EST Shopping, and lonely So I went shopping today for some new clothes, as my tops are fitting a big loosely. (yea!) I only got 2 things, partly because I didn't have alot of time, and partly because I'm not QUITE in a lower size yet. I'm getting there. So clothing shopping is still a bit depressing. I'm pretty critical, especially of my belly. I know I am, but it's so hard not to be. <BR> <BR> I have not been planning my food well enough, and I'm finding that while most of my choices are at least decent, I ... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 00:31:58 EST Warning: Whine ahead. I have a toothache. A bad one. And worse, it's gotten infected. I've been talking to my dentist, who prescribed an antibiotic, which I started today. My lower left jaw is swollen and achy. I have a tooth that needs pulling, but I have to wait till the 12th for that, because I have no one to watch the kids for that long during the week. <BR> <BR> I'm not in as much pain as I was yesterday (OMG, that was AWFUL!), so that's good. Honestly, I don't think I would have gotten any sleep if ... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 19:58:49 EST A glimpse of the future <img src=""> Today was my belly dancing class. There are, of course, full length mirrors on the front wall I realized during class today, I never watch myself dance, only the teacher. So I watched. I managed to correct some technical issues, and I had a great class. The other thing that happened as I watched myself is that I, saw a glimpse of where I was heading. I saw that instead of having "no butt" like I ke... Sat, 29 Aug 2015 23:18:27 EST NSV and a goof up So my favorite pants are too big! Yea! <em>224</em> So I spent this morning looking for pants I could wear. Apparently, the last time I lost weight, I must have lost at different intervals, because I had a bunch of pants that I just don't QUITE fit, and only one or 2 that I do fit. So I have to go shopping. Guess I have to hit the resale shops, and I need better shoes. <BR> <BR> I have been walking a TON! I'm walking 2 + miles a day, for at least 3 weeks now! I load up the boys... Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:37:11 EST Tonight's tired review I'm tired. It's 9:15, but both my boys are still awake. Fitness was good, food was alright. My lunch was atrocious. 800 calories. Ick. So I managed to rebound for dinner, which was good. I SO have the munchies right now, which is why I'm sitting here blogging and playing on Spark. :) I've had to up how much soy I've had though, because my seizures are acting up a little bit. I tend to not "count" that when it's actually necessary, because I don't really get a choice in having that ... Sat, 22 Aug 2015 22:24:38 EST About bedtime Today was a good day. My oldest son is a bundle of energy. It's getting a little easier to keep up with him. My seizures have been hard to deal with lately though, but my hubby has been a big help keeping me on track with my food. Even if I don't want him to in the moment. LOL. <em>4</em> <BR> Water is going pretty well, same with tea. :) Did lots of walking today. I need to work out how I'm going to do this in the winter, I'd miss it, I think. <BR> Have a good night! Wed, 19 Aug 2015 00:48:52 EST Fab fitness, sucky food Well, my exercise is going great. At least the cardio is. I'm rocking it. I just got a 1,000 minute award today! :D Strength training...not so great. I manage maybe 2 days a week. Need to work on that. <BR> <BR> But the food. *sighs* I SUCK. I just do not seem to be able to get that under control to save my life. Every time I think I've done well, I track, and then find, nope, not so much. I always mean to track first, and never seem to be able to. I have such a hard time gettin... Mon, 17 Aug 2015 23:36:30 EST The scale is stuck I'm frustrated. The scale hasn't been moving in a while, despite lots of activity. I just want the number to go DOWN. I need to start doing my measurements. I haven't done that since the pregnancy. I'm just tired of being this big. On the good side, I decided that I didn't want to spend 500 calories on a slice of pie, even if I do have room for it. Thu, 13 Aug 2015 23:42:51 EST My poor baby We took my 2 mo old for his doctor appointment today. He had 3 vaccines today. He took a good nap afterwords, and now he won't stop screaming. He's been so fussy, and if you touch it he cries. Poor thing. I've gotten him to sleep a little, thankfully. Right now hubby swaddled him and is taking him for a walk. I hope that gets him to sleep. I hate doing the vaccines. I always worry that I'm doing the right thing giving them to him. N ate never cried like this after his vaccines, but ... Fri, 7 Aug 2015 19:17:50 EST New normal So my hubby has been out of work for some time, and I've been working on my own without much luck for a while. So last Monday, we decided that we would alternate weeks working on our respective stuff. The ther one of us had the boys. We walked together as a family every morning, then picked the other parent up a a family too. Ut's been nice. I'm tired. I'v been walking between 2 & 4 miles a day. I love the new routine! I want to find a way to continue it when Chris is working a 9-5 a... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 16:14:55 EST oh my... Ok, I blew it today. I haven't had this poor of a calorie day in a while. It was mostly just a few poor choices. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. Sat, 25 Jul 2015 00:32:04 EST What a scary night I am a freelance web and graphic designer. Many of my clients, and potential clients, are on my facebook page. I may not know them well, but we all talk occasionally. <BR> <BR> Tonight, one of my former clients posted about how he was "done" and was "saying goodbye for good". This of course, alarmed me and some of his other friends. I managed to reach him by messenger, and he told me point blank that he intended to end his life. I managed to keep him talking. I tried to call him, havin... Fri, 17 Jul 2015 22:58:41 EST I so want dessert I have 9 calories left to my high end. I am so craving dessert right now. I want a banana split. We have all the bits for it. But I don't have the calories for it. Doesn't seem to matter. I'm having a hard time mastering this tonight. I don't know why I always crave something sweet after a meal. It's annoying. Thu, 16 Jul 2015 00:16:28 EST Had a pretty great day We took the boys to the museum today! I am pooped! We walked nearly 4 miles today, and I ate really well. Snack of fruit, lunch of cod, asparagus, and mac & cheese. Hubby is making homemade spinach & mushroom pizza for dinner. Yum! <BR> <BR> Hope you all had a wonderful day. I'm looking forward to my belly dancing class tomorrow, for the first time in AAAAAGGGEEESSS!!!! Yea!!! <em>224</em> Fri, 10 Jul 2015 22:36:03 EST Seriously creeped out and insulted My insurance company's nutrition department has been trying to reach me. Considering I have no interest in it, I haven't been returning their calls. I don't have time. So today when I was out with my husband, someone from my insurance showed up at my DOOR and handed my housemates a letter requesting I contact them. I am so creeped out by that! <BR> <BR> So I finally called them today, amid the chaos of two small children screeching and crying and running around. Their reason for houndin... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 18:08:02 EST I want a banana split I'm crabby and hot and nursing a baby who thinks its helpful to unlatch every minute or so and scream because we aren't latched. And we have the bits for a split. But I don't have the calories for it. I'm trying really hard to care about that right now. Our ac died last night. Thank goodness we had a replacement in the attic that we put in the window, but it's nowhere near as strong as our old one. We also don't really have the money to replace it. So, I'm crabby. It's cooler than it was... Tue, 7 Jul 2015 00:42:31 EST Long day <img src=""> So, we went to mom's today. This time for the 4th. I am so worn out. Getting everyone ready and fed and to the bathroom was such a pain. And I get to do it all over tomorrow. If it weren't for the fact that it's my husband's family and he hasn't seen them in, awhile, I would love to insist we stay in the area. I didn't eat too well. I've been drinking alot of my calories. The actual meals, aren't b... Sun, 5 Jul 2015 00:49:46 EST My day Today was a busy day. Mostly busy with the kids. If you asked me exactly what I did, there's not a whole lot I could say. I nursed a lot. Did some yoga, and a little strength training. I am so out of practice in that regard. 2 sets of 12 squats used to be nothing. Now? That's hard! :( Oh well. I'll get there again. I was proud of myself today. I managed to get all of my freggies in. And my water. I'm thinking of taking my son to the park tomorrow. It's supposed to be nice out, so may... Thu, 2 Jul 2015 00:49:58 EST It's so good to be back. So I had my first checkup with the ob, and I've been given the ok to go back to light exercise, so I've been walking and doing yoga. I did some yoga that focused on core wore yesterday, and boy, I'm weAK as a kitten! But I did what I could, and finished with a nice muscle ache. I was very proud of myself. I'love do some tonight before bed too. <BR> With the nursing and the extra water I've been drinking, the weight is practically melting off. I'm down to 220 from 253 before We... Sun, 21 Jun 2015 23:32:11 EST Hi everyone! I'm back! My son is 2.5 weeks old now! He was born via emergency/scheduled c-section. I say it that way, because I ended up going in for a routine ultrasound at 39 weeks & 1 day. They ended up finding that my placenta had grown over my cervix, which meant that there was no way I could have safely delivered without a c-section. It also meant that since I was term, they had me stay that day and did the cesarean that evening. <BR> I REALLY had wanted to not have another cesarean, but it ... Mon, 15 Jun 2015 21:24:52 EST