BEAUTY_WITHIN's SparkPeople Blog BEAUTY_WITHIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Sugar craving OMG, I want SUGAR. I haven't had a craving like this in ages. It doesn't mater what it is, ice cream,, soda (BOY that sounds amazing!) candy, you name it. I am so tempted. I would go down and get some fruit or yogurt, but I honestly don't trust myself to go anywhere near the kitchen irght now. <BR> I don't know why I've got this craving today. I think I've had more sugar today than in awhile, so is that it? My body (or whatever causes cravings) wants me to "make up" for the lack of s... Tue, 23 Aug 2016 22:40:37 EST The Park We've been spending alot of time at the local parks lately. Today I decided to join in with my kids a bit. I got on the swing. I used to love the swing, but they're set at kid heights (of course) so it was harder to not drag my feet. Then I tried the monkey bars. I used to adore them. Yea, I tried to reach for the 2nd bar and fell. Oh well. I guess I'll try again tomorrow. LOL. My hands hurt from just that one try! <BR> <BR> My food went well today, lots of healthy choices. My e... Mon, 22 Aug 2016 23:05:07 EST Amazing day! <img src=""> <BR> Hubby and I got all the grocery shopping done today, and totally redid the cabinets. We got so many fresh fruits - apples, banana, grapes (rend and green) peaches & nectarines. We cooked enough for a week at least. I made turkey ham with sweet potatoes, and hubby made bbq chicken. We have been pleasantly surprised to see how much farther our grocery dollars stretch when we eat healthily!! I am u... Sun, 21 Aug 2016 22:40:48 EST I am very tired I am within calorie range! Yea! I really want an ice cream cone though...but that would take me over my range. So I'm going to see if we still have strawberries (We were low last I looked) because I just saw an idea in a spark article about strawberries and cool whip. That sounds like a good alternative, and it leaves me 40 calories under my high end. <BR> I think it will then be off to bed for me. Hubby is taking the boys with his dad to a movie in the park, so I think I will take the ... Thu, 18 Aug 2016 21:12:31 EST Living in the Moment I am over my calories for the day, and I haven't had supper yet. For some reason though, my weight loss and journey to health seems completely doable. It has never seemed that way. Like ever. I've over 100lbs to loose, and It seems like a very doable goal. I can actually see a path. Every drink, every meal. It's a choice. Healthy, or not so healthy. Active activity, or sedentary? <BR> <BR> Yes, there are of course curveballs, and health issues. Things are hard some days, and easie... Sun, 14 Aug 2016 20:52:56 EST Tired worn out day My inlaws were awesome and took both my 3yr old and my 1 year old today, and boy was it nice. Hubby worked night shift last night, and got to rest, and I got a bit of a break too. I so needed it. I'm tired and sore from moving my new bed yesterday. We'll put the mattress down tomorrow, since it needed to reinflate from being vaccum sealed. We could probably put it down tonight, but hubby and I are just too worn out. :( <BR> <BR> My drinks are out of control again today, but for the mo... Sat, 13 Aug 2016 20:27:06 EST Proud of myself! For the last 2 days I have cut my drink calories in half! I have been sure to get my soy in the form of a hot cup of soy tea in the morning, and getting something smaller at night. Very little soda. Having it planned ahead has helped. I have managed to curb the night time snacking more. I have managed to be very close to in calorie ranges both days. I have been over, but I also have my tracker separated from my fitness, so I think I'm still ok. Lastly, I did a full body st this evening. Th... Thu, 11 Aug 2016 23:59:24 EST Evenings & Beverages So I seem to have 2 new problem areas. Or maybe they are areas I have just identified as such, I'm not sure. Night time. My meals are alright. (Usually. Today not so much.) <em>551</em> The problem comes after dinner. I get the munchies, or I want desert, which I rarely have calories for. And I rarely manage to content myself with just fruit. <em>45</em> Though I went to the farmer's market today. I bought a whole bunch of yummy peaches & pears and fresh apples! <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 22:51:41 EST My Butt hurts!!! I added a 2 new yoga poses to my routine today, both of which are supposed to be great for your core. Well, my butt is ACHING! It is a bit uncomfortable sitting, and I'm on my BED! <BR> <BR> In other news, I walked for about a mile with my son strapped to my back again! He loves that position, and promptly falls asleep. I'm planning on trying to wear my 3 year old soon; he still fits the weight requirement, and as much as he likes to ride piggyback on me and daddy, I think he'd still li... Fri, 5 Aug 2016 23:45:02 EST Still part of my challenge <img src=""> I'm in the midst of a 7 day challenge from. Hot_Momma_13 to keep everything positive, I had a few NSVs to celebrate. I managed to wear my 14 mo old for about an hour today, and it didn't leave me hurting! He has been wanting to be held ALL the time when he's not practicing walking, and only by me, so I wore him to give my arms a break. It worked for us both. And despite making some bad choices, I ende... Fri, 5 Aug 2016 00:12:49 EST Freaked out We live in Chicago. It's always been a nicer part of Chicago, but last week someone was shot in the alley behind our house. And my husband just called 911 because we heard gunshots in the alley a few minutes ago. It's so scary. Why do people feel they must "solve" their problems by hurting or killing someone? What on earth does that even do, except cause a lot of pain. I don't understand. My kids play in the back yard, not 5 yards away. I'm scared to let them play back there now. Wed, 3 Aug 2016 00:25:28 EST Today I had a rough day today. My epilepsy was kicking my butt. Despite that, I had a nice day shopping with a friend. <BR> Chris finally found work! I'm so excited. We're just waiting for the drug test to come through and he should start work next week or the week after. FInally, a light at the end of the tunnel. <BR> <BR> Went grocery shopping, and started stocking up on good,easy food. It's hard with my inlaws not eating well, but I'm trying. I bought individual serving sizes of rais... Fri, 29 Jul 2016 00:39:59 EST Not hungry I am finding that I have not been hungry in the morning lately. I just kind of state at the fridge going, "I should eat something"but it takes hours for me to actually manage to. Has anyone else come across this? Its been particularly bad the last few days, so I'm thinking it might have to do with how hot it's been. It was 93 today, heat index of like 109. Ugh. Has anyone else encountered this? Fri, 22 Jul 2016 00:31:07 EST My day : D My husband got a job!!!! We can finally dig our way out of this hole! I am soo glad!! I am having visions of what our new place will look like when we can move out on our own again. :D I can't wait!!!!! Food was good today, activity pretty standard - 2 20 min walks. I'm not sure how the next few days will go, its gonna be 90+ degrees here! Yikes!! I did my weigh in today, and I am holding steady at 225. I was hoping for a loss, but since things weren't completely on track, this isn't bad. Wed, 20 Jul 2016 23:00:58 EST I am NOT a morning person. But my youngest decided it was time to get up at 6:30 am. I changed him. Put him back to bed. Nope. Gave him a bottle. That molified him for a few minutes. Then he was up and screaming again. A toy. Nope. He was up. So I was up. Checked on hubby, who was asleep in the rocking chair with my oldest. I grumbled and grumped, got dressed, and went downstairs. <BR> It is now 8:30 and I have accomplished a TON. I've had my yogurt, fed the baby, packed Chris' bag for his day, packed the... Tue, 19 Jul 2016 09:24:51 EST What I did right today Turned off the negative radio on the way home from Starbucks. I had to actually yell at it, but I managed! LOL <BR> Let's see, I did my 40 min walk, I did 2 types of ST today, My breakfast was 1 pancake, light syrup, and a yogurt. Lunch was decent. I remembered to bring it! Pizza, some spinach dip, and a slice of blueberry loaf. <BR> Spaghetti, veggies, and garlic bread for dinner. :) I think tonight I'm going to log my soy in ahead of time, as I never seem to know how many calories I... Mon, 18 Jul 2016 20:57:08 EST Not easy to find the good in my journey today but I promised Hot_Momma_13 I would try, so here we go. I got 40 min of walking in. This is pretty much my normal walk now, done in 2 bits. I only had a couple of sips of soda at dinner today. I just chugged a 20 oz bottle of water, and now have to pee! LOL I had broccoli as one of my sides when I went out to dinner tonight. I have been wearing clothes that make ME feel good, not what molifies others. (particularly my mom). This is huge, cause I'm not too comfortable in my own skin, b... Mon, 18 Jul 2016 00:19:34 EST Let's Sparkle! Today is my day to work. So I'm at Starbucks getting settled in to work on my 2 businesses. I wanted to blog first though, since I never seem to manage it at night. I have already tracked my breakfast & drink for the day Which leaves me with 482 calories for lunch and dinner, or 832 if I use my high end. Since I didn't bring a lunch, I think I'm gonna be aiming for my high end today. That's okay. I need to limit my carbs for the rest of the day, however. As of breakfast, I'm at 61% car... Wed, 13 Jul 2016 10:54:37 EST Lunch time blog Ok, Hot_Momma_13, you're on. :) <BR> <BR> So far today, I've done well with lunch & breakfast. I've had a 20 minute walk, and will have another 20 min one to get home today. I've gotten 3 cups of water down, and I'm staring at the rest of it. I'm working at Starbucks again today, so everytime I get up I refill my iced tea and get a glass of water. So the latest refill is staring at me, but it got interrupted by another soy drink, since I didn't have enough soy earlier and was feeling th... Mon, 11 Jul 2016 15:45:01 EST Birthday party Today was a meh day food wise. Ate too much for lunch (more of a linner - lunch/dinner). That left me with 2 calories! And that's before my evening soy, which I don't skip cause it helps with my meds. And now I'm getting hungry again! <BR> <BR> I did get a 40 minute walk in - had to go to CVS for a birthday card. Stopped for Starbucks too, but I got a grande. That's improvement. <BR> <BR> I've been feeling really discouraged lately. I just can't seem to get a handle on the food. I ... Sat, 9 Jul 2016 23:37:38 EST This month's weigh-in Well, so much for a broken plateau. I'm back up to 227. Argh!!! I'm aggravated with that. I know what the problem is. Same as it always is. My food. My portions. I know WHAT to do. I just have such a hard time doing it. It's really frustrating. I know I've made progress. I just want to see the scale agree. <em>192</em> <BR> <BR> HOWEVER!! <em>227</em> <BR> I did my monthly measurements. (Within a month, for a change! Normally I go several months at least without checki... Fri, 8 Jul 2016 23:21:43 EST I'm sad So at this point, my hubby has been out of full time work for 3 years. He's had some contract work, but not a ton. Our unemployment has been dropping lower and lower over the time, of course. We have moved in with my inlaws 2 years ago, eat at home as much as possible, and keep putting off the necessary bigger purchases. (like a mattress). I'm tired. There seems to be no end in sight, and I don't know what to do. I have been putting in extra hours on my business (which is little more t... Mon, 4 Jul 2016 16:42:09 EST I am so drained I have been fighting with my mother since Sat. I'm not going to go into details, because it is exhausting, and draining. But I'm sad. I want things to be good between us. I wanted to celebrate the 4th with her. It's not going to happen this year. I'm just so tired of the fighting. It's grownup versions of the crap she's done since I was a kid, except it now includes my husband and children. <BR> I'm having a very hard time concentrating on me & my health right now. Amazingly, I trac... Thu, 30 Jun 2016 22:49:24 EST I BROKE THE PLATEAU!!!!!!!!!! 8 month plateau, OBLITERATED!!! I am down to 225. I have FINALLY left 228 behind. FINALLY! WOOHOO! I've been really being more active on here, getting at least 6 glasses of water. I got first Google Fit on here, then I fixed my fitbit (HORRAY!!) I'm thrilled. <BR> <BR> I've even tracked for the day already, and on DATE NIGHT! I am almost always over on Date night. And I'm NOT. I have THREE HUNDRED calories left! I am AMAZED!! WOOO HOO!!! <em>250</em> Fri, 24 Jun 2016 16:56:08 EST I have fat. I get on the el. I can see that there are only single side-facing seats next to the poles available. I really hate these. I sit. At first I sat on the edge so I didn't squish anyone. I sat there, and felt awful. Ashamed. I was eating a snack, and I felt like everyone was staring at the fat girl stuffing her face. They weren't, of course. I doubt anyone looked at me, hardly. But that is so not how it felt. I don't know why I've felt my weight so keenly lately. Its not like being fat is new ... Thu, 23 Jun 2016 19:11:36 EST blew it today by about 200 calories. And for such a stupid choice. I really really really wanted an ice cream cone. I knew I didn't have the calories. But I had it anyway. boo. Maybe some day I'll reach my goal. :( Mon, 20 Jun 2016 23:22:04 EST I touched my toes!!!! <em>244</em> I figured if anyone would get why that's a big deal, it would be you, my Sparkfriends, I don't remember the last time I could do that. <BR> <BR> I started to title this blog something about beginning to recognize myself again, Then I realized, no, I DON"T recognize myself. I have never been healthy. Not truly. Even as a kid. I didn't drink water unless it was forced. I didn't know anything about healthy proportions or nutrition. Which is part of the problem when I hit co... Thu, 16 Jun 2016 14:08:59 EST Le sigh I'm over. Again. I chose to continue with my planned desert even though I chose to have an unplanned piece of pecan pie. It was really good. But now I have "sugar mouth" - that feeling you get in the roof of your mouth when you've had too much sugar. <BR> I'm frustrated with myself. This shouldn't be so HARD!!! I want to loose weight. So why can't I make better choices? Why can't I do what I need to - say no to the sweets? I can't keep them out of the house, so they're always here ... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 22:45:23 EST Party So today my cousin had his high school graduation party. It was a lot of fun. There, was of course, also a lot of food. Yea. I didn't do so great. I tried to stay out of the kitchen. I tried to listen to my body. I made some good choices, and a bunch of bad ones. <BR> I have no idea how to track most of it, since it was greek food, and I don't even know the names of most of it. They had Izzie soda there. I LOVED it; had 2 cans. They're small cans, and only 80 calories each. It wa... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 23:50:48 EST Weight & numbers I did a weigh in & my measurements. Talk about depressing. This is my starting point. I set my goal at 198. I want to get to Onderland. It's not my final goal. Final goal would be to get to a healthy BMI, which for me is down around 140. I can't even wrap my head around that. I don't think I've ever been that low in my adult life. I have no idea what that would even look like. <BR> So we'll start with Onderland for now. I am set, if I can manage 2lbs a week, to enter it in the beg... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 00:13:38 EST Rock bottom <img src=""> <BR> We took my oldest to the Jump Zone today. Ita basically a bunch of bounce houses and slides. Technically the age limit is 12. There's a weight limit too. Parents go on some of them with their kids too. My3 year old is fearless. His favorite has these obstacles you go through, and a bit slide. He kept wanting me to come on with him. He almost had a meltdown because I could not come with him. I'm t... Fri, 10 Jun 2016 14:05:41 EST Tonight's blog (creative, I know!) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is very apt for the moment! My stomache is going "feed me feed me". NO. I am not feeding you, you aren't actually hungry. <BR> <BR> So I'm doing the "fit food" challenge. I think that's what it's called. The challenge for the day was to track today's food - YESTERDAY. I suck at planning ahead, but I did it anyway. It was interesting. I put alot more thought into what I'd eat. ... Wed, 8 Jun 2016 23:13:28 EST So confused So I am totally confused. My waist seems to be getting smaller, and my bra band is way too big. But my hubby was saying it looks like my face is getting rounder - that he can see less of my ears and neck. Also that it seems like my belly. (Which overhangs) is a bit bigger. How is this possible? I can't loose weight and gain it simultaneously, can I?? Or maybe I'm looking inches but gaining elsewhere? (Can't measure, can't find my tape measure) Please tell me someone has an idea! I'm baffled... Tue, 7 Jun 2016 22:56:37 EST 6.6.16 Hmm, what to do...I have tracked my meals for the day, including what I'll be having for supper. I'm out, and I haven't brought anything for a snack, as I don't usually want one. But I'm hungry. Dinner is a good 4.5 hours away. I've got about 150 calories left to my low end. I'm not figuring activity into that. I'm not sure what to get. Or if I shouldn't. <BR> <BR> I need to find my measuring tape. The scale isn't budging, but the clothes on my lower half are certainly looser! I im... Mon, 6 Jun 2016 14:40:32 EST It's been a great day Today is my 5 year anniversary being married to the love of my life. We had a wonderful day. My aunt took the boys for the afternoon so we could enjoy a leasurly lunch with just the two of us. <BR> Then it was off to Indiana to visit some friends after we picked up the boys. We had a great day. However, I spend the early evening with our friends at Burger King letting the kids play at their play area. I didn't have a full meal, just grazed on various things. Didn't really pay attention... Sun, 5 Jun 2016 01:24:41 EST struggling with a craving <em>29</em> I am full at the moment. A little overfull, actually. So why am I REALLY wanting to go downstairs and get a piece of cake?? It sounds SO good. Or maybe a chocolate chip cookie. For heaven's sake, there's no more ROOM in my belly. I'm going to make myself sick. So why am I having such a hard time with this? Why can't I get this craving out of my head!!! Wed, 1 Jun 2016 23:00:19 EST I'm lonely. I'm over on my calories again. And I'm hungry. I still haven't had supper yet. :( I had too many sweets today. <BR> I'm lonely today because I got ambushed (it felt like) by my inlaws. I was already feeling stressed because my husband and I just bought a new mattress that's bigger than we have now, so we have to make room for it. We had been talking about that, and putting our youngest to sleep, and Chris had started doing dishes from the bbq when my inlaws came home with my oldest. ... Mon, 30 May 2016 23:29:19 EST Yikes <img src=""> <BR> Today Was my youngest's fist birthday. He had a great time. We all did. Today was a day I didn't track. I just did. I am about 1,800 calories over. Oh my goodness. And a good chunk of those calories came from the 2 sodas I had. Wow. I haven't done this in a very long time. Ah well. Food wise, the choices were mediocre, not horrible. Tomorrow is a new day!!! Mon, 30 May 2016 00:56:50 EST I"m out of fun titles Today was an unexpected day, which involved eating out "dinner" at 4. At Burger King. Not a great choice, but everyone had to go to the bathroom, and with a 3 year old, this is a DESPERATE situation. Then come 9/10 pm, I'm peckish. Not HUNGRY, mind you, but I went ahead and made the canned spaghetti that I'd been saving cause it was easy, and sounded good. Not my finest choices ever. Se lavi. <BR> <BR> I did get a walk in, and some yoga, and lots of water, so that was good. I think ... Fri, 27 May 2016 00:40:31 EST No title :) My knee is still mad at me. I did half of my normal walk, since it stormed before I could do the other half. I did a really great job on water. 2 glasses at home, a 20 oz glass at Starbucks, another 10 oz, and. About 8 oz of unsweetened iced tea. Not completely there, but definitely better. Breakfast was good. Just a yogurt with my boys. Lunch wasn't so great. Half of A grilled chicken and artichoke panini, which wasn't bad. But the 5 cheese sticks were!! Oops! I'm sitting here in the dark ... Wed, 25 May 2016 23:01:05 EST Today So today was a good day. I got a new stroller for the boys. Its a double jogging stroller. It handles like a DREAM. I couldn't wait to take it for a (gasp!) run! And it was wonderful!! So now I have no reason to not jog. My body definitely needs the rest day after though. I get so stiff, and my knees are unhappy for the rest of the day. That's ok though. They did that when I started walking more, and I just took it easy and they got used to it. I did a lot of walking today. 4 hours worth, a... Mon, 23 May 2016 23:18:44 EST I was sick :( I was sick yesterday. Still am, today, but I'm alot better. Amazingly, I still managed to get alot of walking in with the kids. AND even though I didn't track at all, I was still within calories! WOOHOO! Today I walked to Starbucks, had my drink, and the leftovers I brought from home. I'm sitting here contemplating what to make for dinner. I never worry about that kind of stuff! LOL. We've been trying to make it a point to sit down together to dinner as a family every night. Besides... Sat, 21 May 2016 16:55:15 EST The scale is just a number, right? So I did my weigh in today. Totally stark naked, before my shower. And I'm stuck at 230. I've been there for like a month and a half. I'm really getting frustrated. I have been really busting my butt this week. <em>33</em> <BR> <BR> I pushed myself physically. I started running again. I haven't run in 2 years - since I was pregnant with my 2nd baby, the one who died. <em>182</em> <BR> <BR> I have been really careful with my food. I have NOT gotten to measuring foods yet.... Thu, 19 May 2016 11:47:25 EST After Meal Sweet Tooth After every meal, except breakfast, depending on what I eat, I have a craving for something sweet. Not anything in particular, just SWEET. Tonight I am 15 calories from my high end, and I REALLY don't want to go over. So I just sat here. Putzed around here and on facebook. Had a little water. And you know what? It's fading. I might have a spoonful or two of unsweetened applesauce still, but I'm not craving it anymore. I didn't know it would go away if I could make myself just sit thr... Mon, 16 May 2016 00:08:10 EST 2 days in a row! Today is my 2nd day without the boys! I went out with my mom & grandma for a belated mother's day yesterday, and my hubby & the boys picked me up in the evening. This afternoon, Chris decided to make use of the weekend pass I had from going to mom's and took the boys on a train ride. He loves to just ride the rails, and my oldest is like that too. Wes is too young to care. <BR> So I dug out the bike today, and biked down to Starbucks to relax, catch up here, and work on my shop a little.... Sun, 15 May 2016 15:35:19 EST Rambling <img src=""> <BR> Its been a crazy few days. Mother's day was fun. I got some new summer clothes (which I definitely needed). And yesterday and Mother's day I felt so STRONG. I had some good NSVs too. We went to Cold stone for ice cream on Mother's Day, and I got their medium instead of the Large that I really wanted. I asked my hubby to make us stir fry for dinner last night (lefters for tonight!), so that was y... Tue, 10 May 2016 17:38:24 EST I suck at this I want to loose the weight. I really do. So why isn't I ??? Why is it that when faced eith the choice of healthy vs sweet and tasty, I so rarely go the healthy route? I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I am 700 calories over!!!! I don't think I will ever manage this. :_( Fri, 6 May 2016 22:41:24 EST Changing choices So my in-laws bought donnettes. YUMMY. I managed to resist, and make a smoothie. <em>491</em> And then They were calling some more. So finally I took one out. And had 2 bites of it. (A serving is 4 of them) Ya know, it left a weird feeling in the roof of my mouth. I think maybe I don't like these so much after all. I'm proud I only had half of one, but I'm a bit sad that a favorite is starting to not taste so good after all. It's kind of hard to watch my favorites become things I ... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 18:26:46 EST If you don't like your consequences, change your choices. I say this to my 3 year old a lot. I hope that he will come to understand the relationship between action and reaction and make better choices. But I am horrible at taking my own advice. I want to loose weight, to be healthy. But that (cake,cookie, milkshake, whatever) looks so GOOD. Its really hard to say no. Lord, I SOUND like my 3 year old! So today I have tracked my breakfast, which was healthy, lunch, which wasn't bad, and I'm about to track dinner, which was premade by my father in ... Wed, 27 Apr 2016 18:15:54 EST Trying to stay proud I've been having a really good time lately, with NSVs. I've been packing lunch for me and my,son (a HUGE DEAL, as ilove eating out) for about a week now. Yesterday I walked 4 miles!!! FOUR!!! And did squats. Oh, am I sore. Today so far, I've walked 2.5 miles. Again with the sore. I will probably walk home, which is another .75 mile, and then i will collapse. Might manage some yoga tonight. Food. It's been hard. Easter saw lots of junk, at least for snacking. Meals were not bad. Yesterday w... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 17:08:25 EST