BEAUTY_WITHIN's SparkPeople Blog BEAUTY_WITHIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Changing choices So my in-laws bought donnettes. YUMMY. I managed to resist, and make a smoothie. <em>491</em> And then They were calling some more. So finally I took one out. And had 2 bites of it. (A serving is 4 of them) Ya know, it left a weird feeling in the roof of my mouth. I think maybe I don't like these so much after all. I'm proud I only had half of one, but I'm a bit sad that a favorite is starting to not taste so good after all. It's kind of hard to watch my favorites become things I ... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 18:26:46 EST If you don't like your consequences, change your choices. I say this to my 3 year old a lot. I hope that he will come to understand the relationship between action and reaction and make better choices. But I am horrible at taking my own advice. I want to loose weight, to be healthy. But that (cake,cookie, milkshake, whatever) looks so GOOD. Its really hard to say no. Lord, I SOUND like my 3 year old! So today I have tracked my breakfast, which was healthy, lunch, which wasn't bad, and I'm about to track dinner, which was premade by my father in ... Wed, 27 Apr 2016 18:15:54 EST Trying to stay proud I've been having a really good time lately, with NSVs. I've been packing lunch for me and my,son (a HUGE DEAL, as ilove eating out) for about a week now. Yesterday I walked 4 miles!!! FOUR!!! And did squats. Oh, am I sore. Today so far, I've walked 2.5 miles. Again with the sore. I will probably walk home, which is another .75 mile, and then i will collapse. Might manage some yoga tonight. Food. It's been hard. Easter saw lots of junk, at least for snacking. Meals were not bad. Yesterday w... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 17:08:25 EST *le sighs* So I made a mess again today. I wasn't paying attention. I ate a whole personal pizza instead of a half like I meant to. That put me over. In every, Single. Category. Well crap. At this rate, I am never going to get anywhere. My clothes are getting tight again. I REFUSE to buy new ones, but I don't seem to be able to get anywhere!!! I saw my new GP. I told him I was working on loosing weight, and as I left the room, he says "Really try on your weight. It causes alot of problems. "... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 23:27:21 EST Back on track I took my boys to the museum today, and walked just over 3 miles. And my calories are on track for the first time in I don't know how long! Hooray! One day at a time, right? I want to see that scale move again. I've been holding steady at 238. I want to get out of the 230s. That's my first goal. I want out of the 200s! I'm so tired of being so big. I want to chase my kids, and go horseback riding. I don't want the fat girl anymore. I'm so ready to be done!!! <em>91</em> <em>52... Sat, 20 Feb 2016 22:55:21 EST My body is frustrating me. So since my youngest was born, weight is in different places. It's frustrating. But what's driving me really nuts, is that as I loose weight or gain muscle, clothes that once fit, suddenly don't. I mean, this should be a duh. But for some reason I guess I thought that I'd just reach my goal weight simply, and only have to replace clothes when I got there (!). <BR> <BR> Um, there's a LOT of sizes between a 24 and an 8! What was I thinking? <BR> <BR> I will be very glad when I'm down... Mon, 8 Feb 2016 22:29:40 EST I need different foods I ate decently today. Actually brought mine and my son's lunches with me, then stopped at the corner store to get some wheat thins to go with it (We need to go grocery shopping!) I went over my calories for the day, but I'm still hungry! I'm thinking maybe it has to do with the foods I'm choosing. Or maybe that I have a mix of good foods, and not so good foods. I'm also in the process of transitioning to a gluten free diet to see if that helps my epilepsy. So maybe I'm more hungry bec... Fri, 5 Feb 2016 22:18:50 EST What a screwy day So today was supposed to be a productive day of cleaning. Until my poor son was up all night with nightmares. :( It started at 11:30. We all went to bed at 5am. It was horrible. No one slept well except in my 8 mo old. So we spent the day half awake, and when it was nap time, all 4 of us collapsed. <BR> So yea, the cleaning didn't happen. I did manage to get my walking and ST in, and my food is good today. But wow, otherwise, this day did not go well! Sun, 31 Jan 2016 21:19:03 EST I did measurements today The results were not pretty. Last time I did them was Thanksgiving. And I have done "just this once"pretty much since. I am ashamed of myself. I know what to do. I just don't seem to be able to do it. I do well for a day or two, then I screw up. That starts the ball rolling and it just gains speed. Couple that with the mess my epilepsy has been, which means more soy, and a thing for sugar I can't kick. <BR> I'm so tired and frustrated. I feel like there's no point to this anymore. M i... Sun, 24 Jan 2016 23:47:01 EST :_( It never fails. I go shopping for some article of clothing. I'm in a pretty good mood. Then I start looking. And looking. And looking. There is nothing but the plainest, ugliest, most BORING clothing available in my size. I'm shopping for underwear. This shouldn't be so hard! But God FORBID I want to look cute. Or Sexy. Or anything other than a fat blob. I was in such a good mood. I'd been productive today. I did well with the kids. My hubby gave me some compliments that made ... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 21:56:25 EST Starbucks <em>287</em> I love going to Starbucks. yes, I know its horrible for me. And its way overpriced. Well, I went in today. to find, as the barista was making my drink and I was paying, that my already overpriced drink had gone up by nearly a full dollar. My drink was almost $7!!! <em>227</em> Holy crap! Not that $6 isnt bad, but this is ridiculous. I think they may finally have given me the last push to stop going there everyday, and when I do, to step down to a small. <BR> I'm bummed t... Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:13:09 EST Finally relaxing My husband is home. Not sick, not worn out, and finally taking care of the boys. I am so glad to just rest. The rule between us is whoever ISN"T sick takes the kids. Or if we both are, the less sick one gets the kids. But can wake the other one for help. <BR> <BR> So I'm just sitting here, typing, catching up here, and listening to music with headphones. For the first time in awhile I don't have to jump up every time the kids need something. It feels SOO good. They're in the next r... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 23:42:31 EST I control what I eat. How is it, at 34 years of age, this is a surprising statement? This is hard to wrap my head around, which is REALLY silly. Chris and I decided to begin a gluten-free diet. I was worried about what my inlaws would think. Ya know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is what makes me the healthiest. I am in control of what I eat. <BR> <em>550</em> <BR> And you know what? So are you! You control what YOU eat. Not your mom. Not your spouse, not anyone but you! <BR> <BR> <em>26... Wed, 2 Dec 2015 21:05:29 EST Gluten Free and epilepsy Some of you may know that I have epilepsy. The meds only do so much to control it. So I've been doing some research on other ways to control it, and have come up with 2 ideas - the ketogenic diet, and living gluten-free. They both would be a huge lifestyle change for my whole family, so Chris and I are going to sit down and discuss doing the gluten Free one. It sounds like it could help, I'm just worried I'm going to uproot our diets for something that won't help. Although cutting out pr... Tue, 1 Dec 2015 21:55:20 EST $$&*&^(^&*(_)(+_)()*(&*&^*^%^*%( It's been one of THOSE days. I woke up very close to a seizure.I have spent all day sleeping, taking meds, drinking soy (it helps). I've got over 1500 calories in DRINK ALONE. I HATE this; I can't do anything about it. It wasn't a lack of sleep, it wasn't a missed dose, it was just a bad day. I don't know why. I took a couple naps, and it's mostly under control now. <BR> I feel so helpless, and frustrated, Nothing was working. I feel broken when the seizures happen like this It wa... Sat, 21 Nov 2015 21:03:03 EST It's November! Wow, I haven't written since the end of September? I knew it had been a while, but not THAT long! <BR> So I am stuck at 230. I can't seem to move from there. And I know the problem. I've let myself get sucked in by the junk at the house. Most people in the house prefer junk food, so I can't just flip it out or anything. And the Halloween candy....SO hard to resist! But I'm trying. I was only a little over yesterday, and so far today, I'm good. I have dinner yet to go, but it will be... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 21:55:23 EST The Park! I took my 2.5 year old to the park today. I made myself run. And climb. and jump. It was hard work!! But fun. Boy did I work up a sweat! No wonder kids are so skinny!! And they do have more energy. Probably because they use more. Its kind of like my milk supply (I'm nursing) The less I nurse, the less milk I make. The less energy I use, the less my body makes. It's all supply, and demand. I had a good day. And my son was delighted. I want to be able to do this more wirh him and his bro... Fri, 25 Sep 2015 18:16:49 EST Tracking climbing at the mcds play place I am sore! My 2.5 year old dragged me up the tunnels in the play place! I remember them being so much bigger! Of course, I was much smaller. But boy, is that a workout! ! I love watching him become braver and more adventurous! Wed, 23 Sep 2015 19:21:13 EST Tracking when you're sick How do you track food if you puke? Sorry for the gross question, but I had denny's today, and it didn't sit well. So I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Thankfully, I am feeling better now! Today is just not going as planned. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> Sat, 12 Sep 2015 21:49:46 EST I'm a whale :_( I am so mortified and humiliated. I was, at McDonald's in Navy Pier today. I know, not healthy, but it was fast and cheap. I went to sit at one of those tables where the damn chairs are bolted to the floor (who the hell invented those, anyway??) and I didn't fit. Normally they're not exactly comfortable, but this one I didn't fit at all. To add insult to injury, I moved to another table, which was also like that (most of them were) and while I fit there, when I went to get out, I found... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 20:31:43 EST Planned food So for once today, I remembered to actually plan most of my food. And what I didn't plan, I tracked right away, so that way I was able to make adjustments for what I was going to have later. I've got the hamburger and chips and dip and strawberries already tracked. Chris is cooking, and they smell SOOO good. <BR> I hope you all had a great Labor Day! <BR> <em>67</em> <BR> Mon, 7 Sep 2015 20:18:40 EST Shopping, and lonely So I went shopping today for some new clothes, as my tops are fitting a big loosely. (yea!) I only got 2 things, partly because I didn't have alot of time, and partly because I'm not QUITE in a lower size yet. I'm getting there. So clothing shopping is still a bit depressing. I'm pretty critical, especially of my belly. I know I am, but it's so hard not to be. <BR> <BR> I have not been planning my food well enough, and I'm finding that while most of my choices are at least decent, I ... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 00:31:58 EST Warning: Whine ahead. I have a toothache. A bad one. And worse, it's gotten infected. I've been talking to my dentist, who prescribed an antibiotic, which I started today. My lower left jaw is swollen and achy. I have a tooth that needs pulling, but I have to wait till the 12th for that, because I have no one to watch the kids for that long during the week. <BR> <BR> I'm not in as much pain as I was yesterday (OMG, that was AWFUL!), so that's good. Honestly, I don't think I would have gotten any sleep if ... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 19:58:49 EST A glimpse of the future <img src=""> Today was my belly dancing class. There are, of course, full length mirrors on the front wall I realized during class today, I never watch myself dance, only the teacher. So I watched. I managed to correct some technical issues, and I had a great class. The other thing that happened as I watched myself is that I, saw a glimpse of where I was heading. I saw that instead of having "no butt" like I ke... Sat, 29 Aug 2015 23:18:27 EST NSV and a goof up So my favorite pants are too big! Yea! <em>224</em> So I spent this morning looking for pants I could wear. Apparently, the last time I lost weight, I must have lost at different intervals, because I had a bunch of pants that I just don't QUITE fit, and only one or 2 that I do fit. So I have to go shopping. Guess I have to hit the resale shops, and I need better shoes. <BR> <BR> I have been walking a TON! I'm walking 2 + miles a day, for at least 3 weeks now! I load up the boys... Tue, 25 Aug 2015 21:37:11 EST Tonight's tired review I'm tired. It's 9:15, but both my boys are still awake. Fitness was good, food was alright. My lunch was atrocious. 800 calories. Ick. So I managed to rebound for dinner, which was good. I SO have the munchies right now, which is why I'm sitting here blogging and playing on Spark. :) I've had to up how much soy I've had though, because my seizures are acting up a little bit. I tend to not "count" that when it's actually necessary, because I don't really get a choice in having that ... Sat, 22 Aug 2015 22:24:38 EST About bedtime Today was a good day. My oldest son is a bundle of energy. It's getting a little easier to keep up with him. My seizures have been hard to deal with lately though, but my hubby has been a big help keeping me on track with my food. Even if I don't want him to in the moment. LOL. <em>4</em> <BR> Water is going pretty well, same with tea. :) Did lots of walking today. I need to work out how I'm going to do this in the winter, I'd miss it, I think. <BR> Have a good night! Wed, 19 Aug 2015 00:48:52 EST Fab fitness, sucky food Well, my exercise is going great. At least the cardio is. I'm rocking it. I just got a 1,000 minute award today! :D Strength training...not so great. I manage maybe 2 days a week. Need to work on that. <BR> <BR> But the food. *sighs* I SUCK. I just do not seem to be able to get that under control to save my life. Every time I think I've done well, I track, and then find, nope, not so much. I always mean to track first, and never seem to be able to. I have such a hard time gettin... Mon, 17 Aug 2015 23:36:30 EST The scale is stuck I'm frustrated. The scale hasn't been moving in a while, despite lots of activity. I just want the number to go DOWN. I need to start doing my measurements. I haven't done that since the pregnancy. I'm just tired of being this big. On the good side, I decided that I didn't want to spend 500 calories on a slice of pie, even if I do have room for it. Thu, 13 Aug 2015 23:42:51 EST My poor baby We took my 2 mo old for his doctor appointment today. He had 3 vaccines today. He took a good nap afterwords, and now he won't stop screaming. He's been so fussy, and if you touch it he cries. Poor thing. I've gotten him to sleep a little, thankfully. Right now hubby swaddled him and is taking him for a walk. I hope that gets him to sleep. I hate doing the vaccines. I always worry that I'm doing the right thing giving them to him. N ate never cried like this after his vaccines, but ... Fri, 7 Aug 2015 19:17:50 EST New normal So my hubby has been out of work for some time, and I've been working on my own without much luck for a while. So last Monday, we decided that we would alternate weeks working on our respective stuff. The ther one of us had the boys. We walked together as a family every morning, then picked the other parent up a a family too. Ut's been nice. I'm tired. I'v been walking between 2 & 4 miles a day. I love the new routine! I want to find a way to continue it when Chris is working a 9-5 a... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 16:14:55 EST oh my... Ok, I blew it today. I haven't had this poor of a calorie day in a while. It was mostly just a few poor choices. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. Sat, 25 Jul 2015 00:32:04 EST What a scary night I am a freelance web and graphic designer. Many of my clients, and potential clients, are on my facebook page. I may not know them well, but we all talk occasionally. <BR> <BR> Tonight, one of my former clients posted about how he was "done" and was "saying goodbye for good". This of course, alarmed me and some of his other friends. I managed to reach him by messenger, and he told me point blank that he intended to end his life. I managed to keep him talking. I tried to call him, havin... Fri, 17 Jul 2015 22:58:41 EST I so want dessert I have 9 calories left to my high end. I am so craving dessert right now. I want a banana split. We have all the bits for it. But I don't have the calories for it. Doesn't seem to matter. I'm having a hard time mastering this tonight. I don't know why I always crave something sweet after a meal. It's annoying. Thu, 16 Jul 2015 00:16:28 EST Had a pretty great day We took the boys to the museum today! I am pooped! We walked nearly 4 miles today, and I ate really well. Snack of fruit, lunch of cod, asparagus, and mac & cheese. Hubby is making homemade spinach & mushroom pizza for dinner. Yum! <BR> <BR> Hope you all had a wonderful day. I'm looking forward to my belly dancing class tomorrow, for the first time in AAAAAGGGEEESSS!!!! Yea!!! <em>224</em> Fri, 10 Jul 2015 22:36:03 EST Seriously creeped out and insulted My insurance company's nutrition department has been trying to reach me. Considering I have no interest in it, I haven't been returning their calls. I don't have time. So today when I was out with my husband, someone from my insurance showed up at my DOOR and handed my housemates a letter requesting I contact them. I am so creeped out by that! <BR> <BR> So I finally called them today, amid the chaos of two small children screeching and crying and running around. Their reason for houndin... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 18:08:02 EST I want a banana split I'm crabby and hot and nursing a baby who thinks its helpful to unlatch every minute or so and scream because we aren't latched. And we have the bits for a split. But I don't have the calories for it. I'm trying really hard to care about that right now. Our ac died last night. Thank goodness we had a replacement in the attic that we put in the window, but it's nowhere near as strong as our old one. We also don't really have the money to replace it. So, I'm crabby. It's cooler than it was... Tue, 7 Jul 2015 00:42:31 EST Long day <img src=""> So, we went to mom's today. This time for the 4th. I am so worn out. Getting everyone ready and fed and to the bathroom was such a pain. And I get to do it all over tomorrow. If it weren't for the fact that it's my husband's family and he hasn't seen them in, awhile, I would love to insist we stay in the area. I didn't eat too well. I've been drinking alot of my calories. The actual meals, aren't b... Sun, 5 Jul 2015 00:49:46 EST My day Today was a busy day. Mostly busy with the kids. If you asked me exactly what I did, there's not a whole lot I could say. I nursed a lot. Did some yoga, and a little strength training. I am so out of practice in that regard. 2 sets of 12 squats used to be nothing. Now? That's hard! :( Oh well. I'll get there again. I was proud of myself today. I managed to get all of my freggies in. And my water. I'm thinking of taking my son to the park tomorrow. It's supposed to be nice out, so may... Thu, 2 Jul 2015 00:49:58 EST It's so good to be back. So I had my first checkup with the ob, and I've been given the ok to go back to light exercise, so I've been walking and doing yoga. I did some yoga that focused on core wore yesterday, and boy, I'm weAK as a kitten! But I did what I could, and finished with a nice muscle ache. I was very proud of myself. I'love do some tonight before bed too. <BR> With the nursing and the extra water I've been drinking, the weight is practically melting off. I'm down to 220 from 253 before We... Sun, 21 Jun 2015 23:32:11 EST Hi everyone! I'm back! My son is 2.5 weeks old now! He was born via emergency/scheduled c-section. I say it that way, because I ended up going in for a routine ultrasound at 39 weeks & 1 day. They ended up finding that my placenta had grown over my cervix, which meant that there was no way I could have safely delivered without a c-section. It also meant that since I was term, they had me stay that day and did the cesarean that evening. <BR> I REALLY had wanted to not have another cesarean, but it ... Mon, 15 Jun 2015 21:24:52 EST I always forget... how MUCH FOOD you can actually eat when you eat healthily! We haven't been grocery shopping in awhile, so the good stuff was pretty much gone. And no one much felt like cooking. Well, I cooked today. An omlette for breakfast & fruit, a salad for lunch. I made soup to go with it, but I think the soup will have to be reheated. I'm pretty much good with what I had. <BR> The fresh fruit & veggies are SO yummy! I'm 37 weeks this past Thursday, so I'm gonna start adding Dates to my diet, wh... Sat, 16 May 2015 17:23:16 EST Families At this point I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I started the pregnancy at about 231. At my checkup last week I'm up to 244. I didn't loose the weight like I did with Nate, much to my disappointment. I'm trying to eat well, and stay active, but it's been really hard. :( <BR> <BR> So for some reason, my mom thinks it's helpful to be all "Oh, maybe after you have this baby you can start eating better and healthier, since you didn't loose weight with Nate and now you're getting bigger with this b... Wed, 29 Apr 2015 14:24:27 EST So so so so tired Not sleepy, mind you. But i'm just so worn out. I decided to walk to the CVS and back today with hubby. Normally I took the bus. It's about 3/4 of a mile one way. Oh my gosh. I am So tired and hurting so much. The baby keeps sitting on my siatic nerve. It hurts so bad. Then I've got braxton hicks going, and my bad tooth. The only thing i can take this late in the pregnancy is Extra Strength Tylenol. It works when it wants to. Which isn't too often. <BR> <BR> And my poor hubby ... Sun, 26 Apr 2015 20:58:29 EST grr argh I will not loose my temper. I will not loose my temper. I will not loose my temper..... <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> I am so aggrevated with my in-laws. And it's been so many little things lately, and I'm trying so hard to not loose my temper with them, because it only ever causes a fight. <BR> <BR> The latest thing is my poor cat. He's 17. He tends to not pee in his litter box, which is of course, gross. There's not really anything that can be done about it. So he's generally stuck ... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 19:40:44 EST Feeling proud of myself! I have been so busy lately! I did the math and realized I've got 3 weeks till Wesley is considered early full term, which is when my first son was born. Yikes! We have SO much to do still! <BR> I have been noticing that my eating has not been where it should be, and due to feeling huge, and very tired, I haven't been as active as I have in the past. I've been overdoing it on the carbs and sugar. I paid attention to that today. I had lunch at Starbucks, along with my green tea latte (w... Mon, 20 Apr 2015 15:14:49 EST Wow, it's been a month?? <em>524</em> <BR> I didn't realize it'd been so long since I wrote. I've mostly been on my phone or tablet, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to write a blog on those. I've tried. it doesn't seem to work. Do any of you know? <em>38</em> <BR> <BR> So I'm officially in my 8th month! Wesley Michole is due June 4th. Kind of amazing how fast it's gone, in some regards. I've done well on the weight gain, I'm 238, which is only 7 lbs from where I started. It's a little d... Tue, 7 Apr 2015 15:46:18 EST I hate being sick I've officially got Nate's cold. And I'm miserable. My head is congested, i can't talk much without coughing continually, my head hurts, and I'm SOOO tired. Chris' first day of work was today, and I haven't been this grateful for my in-laws in a long time. <BR> <BR> I napped when Nate did, and mostly I've been able to just relax cause my mother-in-law was entertaining the energizer toddler. :D I haven't napped again yet, cause I wanted to be able to get up and help with Nate if I need... Tue, 10 Mar 2015 19:41:36 EST One day at a time Don't really know what to talk about today, so this will be random I guess. I've been really overwhelmed lately. I'm starting the third trimester, so I know that's part of the problem. I feel like I change alot during this trimester, emotionally, and I did with Nate too. So that means things in my head are all weird. I never have the words to describe it; I guess I'm figuring out how being Wesley's mom integrates with the other parts of me. I don't know if that makes sense. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 3 Mar 2015 22:57:48 EST Hi all! Hi everyone! Sorry I've been MIA. I've been here, just not saying much. I've been so worn out and done by about 6pm every night, no matter what I do or don't do. Between having a very hyper toddler, growing a baby, and trying to do my own work, I'm so tired. <BR> I'm officially 26 weeks! I'm almost in the 3rd trimester! Hubby and I have been discussing what we want to do differently with Wesley than we did with Nate as a newborn. The biggest of those things would be my nursing. I me... Tue, 24 Feb 2015 19:42:02 EST