BEACH_BABY_82's SparkPeople Blog BEACH_BABY_82's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Q & A From Kaneisha G's Blog Kaneisha G is an inspiring weight loss story turned accountability coach. I haven't purchased any of her programs, mostly because I just can't afford to right now, but her latest blog is a reflection on her time since deciding to take her weight seriously, and some tips and questions to ask when beginning the journey. After reading this particular post, I am seriously considering enlisting her in my own journey, because some of her questions are things I hadn't even considered important, and ... Thu, 4 Jan 2018 23:36:11 EST Denial Of Self (Stream-Of-Consciousness Nonsense) I'm notoriously obsessed with learning. The majority of my time is spent Googling some thing I randomly decided was important. Then I try to plan the new learned thing into my daily to-do's and end up overwhelmed and annoyed. <BR> <BR> This year, with the desire to create my own Renaissance, I have decided to just put on the brakes on that for awhile. I know what my plan is with weight loss and fitness, so guess what: For the next 3 months, I am going to focus on doing those things, rather ... Wed, 3 Jan 2018 16:05:31 EST Back With A New Outlook, And My Word For The Year It's been years. <BR> <BR> My body has changed in so many ways, both for the better and the worse. I look better than I've looked in years, but I've gotten older, and it seems as if my body may be aware of this development, as it appears to be turning against me. Aches are happening in places I've never had aches before. It happens. <BR> <BR> One of my last posts mentions my mother's alcoholism, and the effect that had on her health, as well as the effect her health had on those around her.... Sun, 31 Dec 2017 23:53:23 EST Pulling My Head From My Posterior I keep finding my way in and out of the groove here on SP. The last time I was here regularly, I discovered that the amount of food I was required to eat felt way over the top, and was far too costly because I was following the meal plan basically to the letter. I didn't bother turning off the meal plan and considering substituting items for the items in the meal plan. It was much easier to rely on SP to tell me what to eat, rather than going to the store, buying what was on sale, and crea... Fri, 23 May 2014 12:49:49 EST Facebook: Awesome Way To Stay In Touch, Or Gross Waste Of Time? I, like many others, have gotten sucked in. At first I liked finding people I used to know, then I liked sharing funny pictures of cats or whatever, posting funny stories about my Littles, and complaining about the government. Eventually I got sucked into the games (Candy Crush is the place all creativity and productivity go to die, and several good ideas are laid waste amid the removed jelly of my past), but lately I have noticed something, a shift of not only consciousness, but overall di... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 13:15:32 EST Burnt Oatmeal I bet that seems like a yucky blog title, right? <BR> <BR> At first I thought it was going to be a cruddy day, what with the rain, and my crappy attempt at overnight crock pot oatmeal. I was was wrong. No fitness so far today. I did eat breakfast, even if it wasn't the planned oatmeal. I had a couple of eggs and a piece of whole wheat toast. But this is what really made the day great from the beginning: <BR> <BR> <em>502</em> I got up before the kids ~ This never happens. <BR> <B... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 12:08:15 EST Down With The Sickness I need to blog. Blogging is so cathartic in so many ways, but I always stop doing it. Life gets in the way, and I start to come to realizations and it comes to my attention that I am not at all who I pretend to be. <BR> <BR> I make lame excuses about my weight, like: <BR> "Yeah, I'm fat, but I like food so whatevs." <BR> or <BR> "Meh. I'm not hurting anyone with my weight and [terrible] eating habits." <BR> <BR> I get sick... a lot, and I use having a school age child as an excuse for... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 12:44:20 EST Pancakes If you have read any of my earlier blog posts you know that pancakes and I have a... Thing. When we lived in my parents' home, pancakes were a Sunday morning thing that my dad wanted to do for us. <BR> <BR> Now, pancakes have become a 'morning after' ritual with my husband and I. See, I am terrible at making pancakes. I can cook all sorts of things. Pancakes, however, are off the table (pardon the pun) unless I can get John to make them for me or we go to a pancake house. It just so ha... Tue, 12 Jun 2012 10:41:30 EST Tired of This. I usually have something witty and cute to say about all of the things I'm going to do and all of the progress I will be making soon. Right now, I am over it. I am so over looking at myself in the mirror and seeing way more of myself than I need to. I am so over trying to motivate myself and looking for cute ways to do what I need to do. I am so over having a different excuse all of the time. <BR> <BR> My husband is completely supportive and I am lucky enough that he will stay with the k... Mon, 11 Jun 2012 13:28:39 EST Priorities Guess who isn't one of her own priorities right now... THIS GIRL! <BR> <BR> I have no idea what happened, but after my last blog where I started to worry about the cardio and blah blah blah I completely fell off the wagon and haven't even tried to get back on. A lot has happened though, and I am trying to be easy on myself. I moved into my own home and had to switch Amaya's schools and kicked out my roommate and started working on a lot of very personal deep issues and started a part tim... Sat, 3 Mar 2012 08:59:48 EST Day 10: What The H#!! Am I Doing? You know I am really loving the strength training portion of the LiveFit Trainer. I feel so much more in tune with my body now that I am strength training, and after really doing it in such an organized way I simply can't justify stopping. Ever. <BR> <BR> However... <BR> I am noticing that most of the people who are in the program are already in at least a decent shape. A lot of them are starting from within a few pounds of a goal weight. I am starting from pretty much the beginning. I... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:24:49 EST Day 6 ~ Fast Food Drug Dealers Last night I had to go to the grocery store because the kids were out of milk for their cereal and I can not get my 7 year old to *touch* a glass of almond milk, which I have plenty of. I grabbed a 3 pack of tomatoes, and a gallon of milk. Then I looked over at the ice cream aisle. I walked over to the pints of ice cream. I looked at them for a really long time. I eyeballed the Ben & Jerry's awesomeness. Karamel Sutra and Cheesecake Brownie were weighing heavily on my mind. I didn't *ne... Wed, 11 Jan 2012 08:11:45 EST Day 3: Now Will Be The Real Test For the past few days my niece has been staying with her boyfriend (She's 19, not like 12 or anything), and she was supposed to start this with me. She just got home today so I am wondering what is going to happen now. I sincerely hope that I don't fall into my normal habit of allowing someone else's laziness or lack of motivation to rub off on me. She is also the person I tend to self sabotage with (i.e., "These Krispy Kremes are awesome. I'm so glad we stopped and got Reese's Cups to go... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 19:15:13 EST Day 2: Tunnel Vision This happens to me. <BR> <BR> I get down on the whole thing for awhile wondering why I can't accept myself the way I am. Then my resolve flounders and I just stop. Awhile goes by. Could be a few days...Could be a week...Could be a couple of months as it was in this case. I realize it isn't about whether or not I can accpet myself the way I am. Why should I accept sore knees I refuse to acknowledge? Why should I accept chest pains I won't talk about? Why should I accept having to pick my ... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 15:14:07 EST Day 1 of LiveFit Trainer... Yesterday was supposed to be Day 1, but I discovered early in the day (like around breakfast time) that I was nowhere near being prepared. I had nothing in the house for breakfast. So I pushed the date back to today and instead went and bought a new kitchen scale and some groceries with the time I had yesterday. That has been proving to have been a wise decision. <BR> <BR> Today I have been paying close attention to what my body needs, both with my workout and my eating. Just since wak... Fri, 6 Jan 2012 14:26:10 EST The Day Before D-Day So today is the day before I change my life for good. I have a full pack of cigarettes so I can smoke until I am sick of it. I have some Hamburger Helper that I plan to cook with Steak Ummms instead of ground beef and add all sorts of cheese and other garbage to. I have a can of Progresso Clam Chowder I plan to have for lunch. I have gone through the pantry and put the stuff that isn't clean and won't be eaten today in donations bags. I have to go through the frozen stuff and the refrige... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 10:25:16 EST A New Year and *A LOT* of Changes The beginning of a new year tends to bring all of our issues to the fronts of our minds and the fore of our thoughts. I have been having little talks with myself about what I need to do and how I need to go about it and just how ready I am to do whatever it is that I want to do. As it stands I am ready to just completely detox myself from all of the garbage. I am, at some point today, going to go through my food and clean out all of the garbage. My official *start* date is the 5th, but I ... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 09:09:52 EST Clarity Yesterday I had a moment where I began to remember what the first few days of this journey were like, and I remembered how I quickly became obsessed. I was obsessed with making sure I blogged everyday. I was obsessed with posting to my groups. I was obsessed with seeing if anyone responded to those posts. I was obsessed with logging things. I was obsessed with reading my favorite blogs. I was even obsessed with spinning the wheel. <BR> <BR> In fact, my love affair with SP started with th... Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:41:43 EST New Plan It's actually the old plan, but I am merely reiterating it to myself, since I apparently had forgotten what it was. <BR> <BR> Reasons: <BR> <em>34</em> To be hot. <BR> <BR> <em>34</em> So I have no excuse not to join the church choir (I often use my appearance as my excuse not to get on stage) <BR> <BR> <em>34</em> Set a good example to my girls <BR> <BR> <em>34</em> Have more energy to play with the girls <BR> <BR> <em>34</em> (This is a new reason) I have noticed tiny little ... Sat, 12 Nov 2011 07:30:07 EST Random Bloggetry I miss Sparkpeople too much for me to even say. <BR> <BR> Again I am hiding and making excuses and whining about why I can't do this or that or the other thing, and I have forgotten what it takes to be productive and happy and how working out makes me feel and how eating right makes me less of a cranky bastard and more pleasant to be around. <BR> <BR> One would think that while I have not been taking proper care of myself that I have been putting others first, but in reality I'm wallowing. ... Mon, 31 Oct 2011 10:33:08 EST Truckin' So the owner of my gym and I got into a slightly uncomfortable situation. I don't want to say an argument or a disagreement, because that's not really what it was. More like one of those moments where you realize you are narrowing your eyes and thinking nasty thoughts at each other. <BR> <BR> See, here's the thing. <BR> <BR> I have a really great gym. One of the reasons it is so great is because it's cheap, no frills, and has soccer fields, basketball courts, volleyball courts and tenn... Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:46:33 EST Forgiveness My last blog was about what happens when I lose my footing and fall from my own good graces. This one is about forgiveness. <BR> <BR> It usually takes me a long time to forgive myself when I falter on anything. Usually this keeps the negative cycle in motion. This time I climbed off before it ruined me, and THAT is saying A LOT for where I am mentally at this point. Any other time I would have completely given in and been eaten by my own inner monster. Not this time. I see no reason ... Tue, 27 Sep 2011 07:45:25 EST MIA I have been missing for several reasons, none of which were good excuses, but all of which put me in a bad place. <BR> <BR> The last time I was here and blogging and talking to people (before I got too embarrassed to show my face) I talked a lot about my mom and her issues. What I did not mention was how her actions threatened me and my sobriety, and how I failed that test. I had a brief relapse. Only a day really, but a relapse is a relapse regardless. I flushed the rest of what I had... Mon, 19 Sep 2011 20:52:10 EST Putting Your Foot Down Before You Can Walk (Not exercise related) Sometimes there is that person in your life. <BR> <BR> You know the one... <BR> <BR> They lower your confidence. <BR> They guilt you into making very poor decisions. <BR> They hurt you at every turn. <BR> They try to make you negative like them. <BR> You let them. <BR> <BR> For the past 28.95 years I have been the victim of one of these vampires. My own mother. Yes. I have mommy issues. My mom is an alcoholic, and a very mean, self-entitled one. My dad is an enabler. I am an enab... Wed, 31 Aug 2011 11:55:15 EST Sticking with it, and sticking it to my emotional eating This is the longest I have held it together. <BR> <BR> As of this moment I have just realized that it has never come this easy for me. My motivation, will and strength are normally dried up by this point and I have sabotaged myself into an even sorrier state of affairs. <BR> <BR> Not this time. <BR> <BR> This time I have it locked down, I know what I want, and I will have it. <BR> <BR> I am tired of feeling yucky. <BR> <BR> I am tired of spending so much time outside smoking instead... Mon, 29 Aug 2011 19:16:45 EST New Goal Outfit I am ridiculous. I have not wanted to admit it for a very long time, but I haven't fit comfortably into a brand new size 18 pair of jeans in a loooooong time. To circumvent this situation I tend to go to Goodwill and buy used ones so that they fit. That way I can still say I wear a size 18 even though truth be told I probably wear a 22. So I bought a pair of 18's yesterday from Maurice's. They were $40 and super cute. I also bought a cute little white cami (A color and cut I am afraid o... Sat, 27 Aug 2011 16:42:47 EST Hello New Adventures!!! The other day on Yoovie's blog, she brought up trying new things you have never tried before, and if you were to allow the adventurous part of your brain to run amok, what would you do? I thought long about that after closing my computer, and that blog has not left the fore of my memory. Since then I have applied it to many things that have come up at the gym and in my life. It has helped me to consider handling situations in a completely opposite way than I would have when I was mousier a... Thu, 25 Aug 2011 12:34:12 EST Z. (The last of the letter blogs, or, "Time to try my hand at creativity" I had a moment of weakness yesterday sponsored by Quizno's. It was delicious, and that is the kind of cheat worth having. The kind of cheat that makes you feel satisfied, and chocolate just doesn't do that quite like a good sandwich does. I loaded it with tomatoes and lettuce and onions and banana peppers to offset the clubbiness of it (You know...Bacon...Cheese... Yum). <BR> <BR> Today is a workout day and I am going to focus on the abs. Total body workouts just don't seem to feel as... Wed, 24 Aug 2011 08:47:09 EST Y. As you can see I have changed my username as well as my profile picture. The reason for both is simple: Motivation. There is nothing motivating about first & middle initials, last name and a number I picked to show which JMWagner I was. However, I want to walk on the beach without comparing myself to college girls on vacation. My super awesome wonderful man motivates me, but damn it, I want to be a superhero, and this is about me. Every aspect of my life is for someone else. This I am k... Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:43:27 EST X. (As in X-Cited about starting to X-ercise again) Tomorrow marks yet another beginning. My daughter starts first grade which means several things: <BR> <BR> <em>8</em> My house will be CLEAN again <BR> <BR> <em>8</em> I will have time to stop and breathe <BR> <BR> <em>8</em> I will have a better handle on my day <BR> <BR> My 6 year old has a crazy bunch of energy and loves to use it for evil. Her favorite thing is making her one and a half year old sister scream in frustration. Most of my day is spent separating them when they a... Sun, 21 Aug 2011 16:04:59 EST W. Usually I am excited to get back on and try again. <BR> <BR> Today is different. <BR> <BR> I'm more than just a little aggravated with myself. I don't understand why I get to a most weight lost point and then just stop. And then I find myself regaining and losing the same weight over and over again. I'm smarter than this. I'm better than this. I deserve better than to see the ticker at the same spot for a week and a half (It stays where it's at because I flat refuse to move it back up)... Sat, 20 Aug 2011 08:19:41 EST V. Today I learned a valuable lesson - If it ain't broke - Don't even attempt to fix it. However, if it is broken you had better get off your butt and on your feet in a hurry, because time is not on your side if you figure out late in the game it's broken. <BR> <BR> I was having some issues with my daughter's school because her kindergarten because her teacher had beccome ill and there was always a different substitute in her class. I did not think that was a very good start for her first yea... Thu, 18 Aug 2011 20:23:53 EST U. (Uncharted...OR not) I started out thinking, "Ugh. I can't do this - I've NEVER done this before." <BR> <BR> I started out thinking, "I have never been able to avoid overeating." <BR> <BR> I started out thinking, "I have kids - I don't have time for this." <BR> <BR> I started out thinking, "This is not a lifestyle I can afford." <BR> <BR> I started out thinking, "I'm too old for this to matter even if I do accomplish this." <BR> <BR> Oh boy was I wrong. <BR> <BR> First of all, I have done this all before, ... Wed, 17 Aug 2011 09:39:26 EST T. (Time to get serious) I have started ST this week, and I have that delicious muscle burn one gets the next day. I am eating well, and I am getting plenty of cardio. I need tons of water though. I think I need to put more work into my time at the pool and take full advantage of it before Fall hits and it is closed for the rest of the year. Today is going to be a big day for calorie burn. I think I should go ahead and add some ST in just to be on the safe side. So far I have been on the elliptical for 25 minut... Tue, 16 Aug 2011 11:50:55 EST S. What a weekend... <BR> <BR> My refrigerator is on a downward spiral and trying to die. As a result, it tends to leak when it decides it's a good time to thaw itself out. As I was cleaning up all of the water (and there was a LOT of water) on the floor, my one and a half year old decided she should come running through the kitchen. The next thing I know, my big toe feels like I dropped a big can of ravioli on it, and I hear a scream. I looked down, and my daughter's feet had slipped out f... Sun, 14 Aug 2011 20:35:06 EST R. (My inner athlete and me - Questions stolen from Yoovie, answers by me) Q. What’s her name? <BR> A. Valerie (Means strong/healthy) <BR> <BR> Q. What’s her game of choice? Her sport that she loves most? <BR> A. Competitive surfing <BR> <BR> She is the woman that ‘little girl you’ wanted to be when she grew up. <BR> happy, healthy, active, alive, vibrant. <BR> <BR> Q. What does she look like? <BR> A. Sunkissed, sinewy, pefect in a bikini, long wavy beach hair <BR> <BR> Q. What parts of her can you already see in yourself? <BR> A. A love for the water. The ... Sat, 13 Aug 2011 07:55:58 EST Q. Today I woke up excited knowing that I was going to follow the Spark and give it my all. I am not going to try to do things on my own anymore because that is not working. I am not here to suck the support and motivation out of others. I am here to learn how to give myself the gift of a hot and healthy body. My skin is starting to get all glowy which means I am doing something right. My legs have the best glow and strength they have had in a long time. My butt is starting to look phenome... Fri, 12 Aug 2011 08:25:56 EST P. (or, If I Had Known How to Start With, I Wouldn't Be On SparkPeople) So apparently I have been thinking I can do all of this on my own and just ride the motivation waves of others. EEEEHHHHHHHHH!!!! Wrong! I have been ignoring my action steps and as a result have just restarted Stage 2 - For the 3rd time. I have just sort of been doing my own thing. I have been thinking I can do cardio EVERYDAY without the ST and eat however many calories I want to just because I am getting an overabundance of exercise. That is NOT working, obviously, since I am now back ... Thu, 11 Aug 2011 08:43:23 EST O. (New, probably not so weird idea) Am I the only person who has thought that it might not be so productive to log my calories after I eat them, and that maybe I could log what I want to eat first and see what those calories look like and then tweak it to match what I should be eating? So many times that could have helped me on Pancake Sunday and other times someone else was responsible for cooking. So many times I have put a meal or a snack together thinking it wouldn't be so bad and then when I went to log the meal yelped ... Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:54:09 EST N. (No internet yesterday magically caused me to gain 4.5 lbs?) The past few days have required a lot of starting over and not a lot of consistency. I have started over a million times since Friday, and I have given up a million and one. I made it to the gym yesterday which apparently has done NOTHING to help me get back on track. I take that back... I was back on track until lunchtime at the waterpark. There weren't ANY options that were very good. And I wound up with french fries and a bacon cheeseburger. Workout officially negated. <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 9 Aug 2011 08:09:45 EST M. (Pancake Sunday) I think it is time for me to hurt my dad's feelings regarding this pancake Sunday business. 3 pancakes are DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> No syrup. <BR> No butter. <BR> Just bananas and berries. <BR> <BR> And yet... It was STILL a 650 calorie breakfast... He makes so much that I would feel guilty saying 'Just 1, please.' But then I feel guilty for eating the stack he gives me. But since I boomeranged back into the house it is our Sunday tradition. He makes pancakes and ... Sun, 7 Aug 2011 17:05:50 EST L. (My anniversary) My daughter just pushed the escape key and deleted an almost finished blog. Grrrr.... <BR> Let's try this again: <BR> <BR> Today is my anniversary on SP. <BR> Not the day I started, but the day I gave up on it at 212 lbs. Last year I started SP weighing 217 lbs. This time I started at 227, and am now at 217.5. Last year when I gave up, I was a mess (metabolically and mentally). I was purging after every real or imagined episode of overeating. I just was not ready for all of this. <BR> ... Sat, 6 Aug 2011 08:30:54 EST K. Today is going to be a weird day. First let me start off by saying I'm at 218, so, <em>244</em> . <BR> I read that TOM meant a higher more viscious metabolism, so I can honestly say I see some truth in that. <BR> <BR> Anyway, John is going to be catering a family reunion at the hotel. He has no idea when they are going to start arriving, or even when he should start cooking for these people. He may wind up working straight through the 5 hour break in between split shifts, and if he does ... Fri, 5 Aug 2011 07:40:01 EST J. I really can't believe it. <BR> <BR> Today I weighed myself and I was at 219.5. I finally broke out of the 220's, even if it is only half a lb. I have such a hard time believing that I worked hard enough to lose 8 lbs, that I keep expecting to wake up, step on the scale, and see it back up to 227. Is that the fat girl in me trying to make me feel less adequate? Probably. <BR> <BR> So put me in the category with the other 'Done Girls': <BR> I am DONE talking myself out of my happiness <BR... Thu, 4 Aug 2011 07:52:51 EST I. (As in I AM SOOOOOOOO BAD) Yesterday was really really rough. I woke up happy knwing I was going to the gym and all was right with the world. <BR> <BR> I went to the grocery store after the gym because I had stuck some lean beef in the crock pot with lime marinade and fajita seasoning. I wanted some veggies to saute to go with it. Somehow I got steered toward the bakery section (WHY is it between the produce and meat sections???), and wound up with a sample chocolate chunk cookie, and 3 double chocolate chunk muff... Wed, 3 Aug 2011 08:54:47 EST H. I am so pleased with the start of this day. My breakfast was awesome, (banana, peanut butter, and honey wrapped in a tortilla), my workout was awesome, and John is off. I have no idea what else I am going to do today, maybe clean the house and get caught up on Intervention. I have some Indian food that John's boss sent to me. I know it's all vegan, but I'm still a little intimidated by not knowing what exactly is in it and how it is made or even a basic calorie count to go off of. <BR> ... Mon, 1 Aug 2011 10:33:12 EST G. (Or, my issues with the fat acceptance movement) For some reason when I woke up waaaay too early this morning, the first thing that came to mind is that I have something to say about the fat acceptance movement, and it's not good. <BR> <BR> ****Disclaimer**** <BR> <BR> This is not going to be a warm fuzzy blog about embracing your weight, and how important it is to accept it. This is going to be a HARSH *opinion* (extra emphasis on the word *opinion*) blog about why fat acceptance is dangerous. <BR> <BR> ************** <BR> <BR> It seem... Sun, 31 Jul 2011 06:23:27 EST F. (As in Friday) 222. <BR> <BR> 222 is the obnoxious weight that keeps showing up on my scale (except for yesterday when it said 700 lbs. That was before I changed the battery though). No matter what I do 222 just creeps around on the scale waiting for me to slip into insanity. I think I know why though. I think that even though I am eating better than usual I am still not eating as well as I could and my body is not being fueled properly. The result is a very buoyant 222 lbs. Aside from that I seem to... Fri, 29 Jul 2011 08:12:33 EST E. The RAIN is GONE!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> After 3 days of nonstop rain I believe it is finally gone, and replaced with a blistering heat and suffocating humidity which gives me the PERFECT excuse to drag my saggy bottom to the pool. Good things about the pool include, but are not limited to, the following: <BR> <BR> <em>237</em> Ease of calorie burn <BR> <BR> <em>237</em> Keeping the kids occupied while I easily shed those calories from my mind and body <BR> <BR> <em>237</em> It is so much... Thu, 28 Jul 2011 07:58:06 EST D. (As in Dedication) So, today I was tempted to WHINE about how life happened and I don't have time to work out today. However, I read a blog yesterday (THANKS Yoovie!) about compromise, and as I was about to launch into a diatribe about how kids don't leave time for much else, I stopped myself and thought, 'how can I compromise with this situation?' and I realized that yes, I have a real issue with working out at night because of how energized I get afterward, but it's worth a little bit of aggravation since it... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 07:56:07 EST