BAZOOKABOBCAT's SparkPeople Blog

Taking Up Space (With Photos)

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 09:53:27 EST

Whoa, it's been a while! Just a quick check in. My workouts and unprocessed eating have been going well. I feel like I'm very well able to practice moderation. A slice of pizza or a scoop of ice cream isn't going to make or break me and I'm loving it.

I also started a new workout program. I'm in the first week. It's by Nia Shanks of Lift Like a Girl fame. It's a fifteen week lifting program. GETTIN SWOLE WITH IT.

I'm on a mission of self-acceptance, of not needing to fix...

Acts of Gym Kindness

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 09:06:04 EST

So since the ballerina comment from my last blog post, things haven't necessarily gotten much better. I've still been feeling remarkably unwelcome in "boys club". In fact, when doing an upper body circuit last week, some guy came over and took the bench I was using. I had just stood up from it, was doing curls with my legs still touching the bench and the rest of my weights all around it, and he sat down and took it without even asking me. I was sad.

We've changed the time when we...

A Gym Story That Will Make No One Laugh (Least of All Me)

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 09:03:30 EST

If you'd asked Little Jolene what she wanted to be when she grew up, you'd probably hear something having to do with horses or to be a veterinarian. I sincerely doubt that I ever suggested being a princess. And I never wanted to be a ballerina.

Ballerinas are some of the most talented and strong and fit individuals I've ever seen. I just never wanted to be one. Under most circumstances, being called a ballerina would probably not insult me. What's to be insulted about?

...

Oh My Glob, You Guys. Gym Drama Bomb!

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 10:40:56 EST

Last night I got to the gym and it was crazy packed. It was packed to the point where I had to alter my gym plan consistently because I couldn't get to the equipment I needed. But do you know what happens when the gym is packed? If you guessed Gym Stories you are right.

I set myself up in a squat rack to do narrow stance squats and barbell step ups and all sorts of thigh-shaking awesomeness and noticed a young chap set up in a rack behind me. I went over to steal a plate from his r...

Gymventures!

Tue, 5 Feb 2013 09:35:29 EST

A running theme in my gym stories is the characters I meet at the gym. I meet a lot of them. A lot. From Phil the (incredibly nice) leech to Paul, who trolled me hard, to stinky guy, to guy who sort of questioned whether or not I was a woman? Still not sure on that last one. These stories probably make my gym trips sound more exciting than they are. In reality, they're usually fairly low key. But when I get a gem, I share it with you guys. I'm sharing a few this time around.

One o...

TAKE THAT GYM BROS!!!

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:01:02 EST

Last night, Awesome Husband and I went to the gym for a really quick session before heading over a friend's house for dinner. We knew we didn't have much time but we both had had really stressful work days and wanted to lift some metal. Also, my new weight lifting belt and chalk came in and I was desperate to try them out.

We get to the gym and we rush over to claim a power rack. The amount of guys near the racks is unbelievable. Most of them are working out together, four or five ...

Further Gym Adventures (Back by Popular Demand)

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:03:54 EST

Okay, popular demand might just be a note on my wall from the lovely Kim_Possible77 asking how I'm doing since there haven't been any gym adventures! Well, don't you worry. I've had them. I just haven't posted about them for some reason. Buckle up. These are good ones.

My last blog post was about my goals on my big lifts so recently I was at the gym working on my squat. I was at a rack and I loaded the bar up to 135lbs. Did my set. And I noticed there was a man on the rack immediat...

Goals

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 08:36:36 EST

I've been thinking about goals all morning and feeling positive about them. It might be because I've had the flu for a week and have barely worked out at all and am itching to get back to the gym.

So goals. Goals which I have definitive plans to reward when they are reached. My rewards are already pinned. Thank you, Pinterest!

So by mid-year, I want to be at

100lb power clean
180lb squat
200lb deadlift

I can do this. I want this.

An Exceptionally Important Revelation.

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 08:36:29 EST

Do you want to know what sucks? Being afraid to look in a mirror because all you see is flaws. Being afraid of the scale because it very well might ruin your whole day and not in an abstract way. In a tears and anxiety kind of way. Having a fun night out and eating a little extra and then being wracked with guilt. Worrying about missing a workout. Knowing that your body is a good body and that it is strong as crap and more fit than ever but still hating it. Being afraid to talk about it becau...

Hushing My Inner Jerk

Wed, 7 Nov 2012 11:15:35 EST

Last night I left BodyCombat, sweaty and beet-red, with a burning hip and a little fear that I'd overdone it, when I saw a friend. We got to chatting about the assorted classes offered by the gym and the various instructors and members of the classes. Over the course of the conversation we admitted that it helps to be in the front of the class to keep our brains from slipping into judgment mode. You've probably been there. It's an ugly place.

You're working hard, working as hard as...

Adding Something New (Spoilers: It's CrossFit)

Thu, 1 Nov 2012 08:51:35 EST

Whoa. It's been a while since I posted anything. I don't really have anything insightful to say. Just some updates on what I've been up to.

Awesome Husband hasn't been up to the gym this week. He's fighting something. He feels okay but he's feverish and wakes up in the middle of the night pouring sweat. Not to mention that Monday was the storm.

So I've decided to try some new things. The key here is: METABOLIC WORKOUTS!!!

Monday and Tuesday evening I did circu...

Practicing What I Preach

Tue, 9 Oct 2012 10:36:43 EST

I talk a lot about body love and acceptance. I always have. But most of the time, I'm a giant hypocrite.

At my lowest, I had a hard time looking in any mirror I walked by. I'd cry sometimes. I'd keep my arms crossed over my belly when I sat down. I fidgeted with my shirts to make sure any and all bulges were covered. I did this at my skinniest. I did it at my heaviest.

I'm trying not to do it now.

It's so easy to just hate. It's easy to be afraid and to speak...

Getting Back To It

Mon, 1 Oct 2012 08:41:04 EST

Last Friday I had my last visit with my physical therapist. She did some strength tests, looked at my range of mobility and tightness, asked about pain levels, brought me into the gym to do lunges with dumbbells and strength moves with a resistance band, and asked how I was feeling. I said I felt great!

We talked about the game plan to get back to the gym. She recommended I keep on the treadmill where I can control incline for a while before I start walking/jogging from my house w...

Sad Spiral

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:29:37 EST

Maybe this entry is going to be really just for me. Or maybe it's so people know what's going on inside my head. Maybe I just need to get it all out.

Being depressed is not something that usually happens to me. Anxiety, sure. Me and anxiety are buds. This being depressed business is something new entirely.

And thing is, being this sad just makes me feel like more of a whiney-faced baby because comparatively, my problems are so small.

Here's what's going on. <...

Your First Amendment Rights

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:39:08 EST

In the past two days, you have undoubtedly heard or read about the tragedy that occurred in Libya and the subsequent riots at embassies in Egypt and Yemen. I have no intention of making this a political statement. I work very hard to try to stay neutral in all political matters. The reason I mention it is that the protests occurred after a fourteen minute trailer for an anti-Islam film was put on Youtube. To say that it is hateful would be a massive understatement. The man who made it is not,...

Just Say No to Fitspo

Tue, 4 Sep 2012 11:47:51 EST

Awhile back, my motto on my SparkPage was "Strong, Not Skinny". I'd recently found the "Strong is the New Skinny" ideal and I loved it. I loved the idea of muscles being sexy. I loved the idea of strength being sexy.

But something happened. The more I looked at the images being presented the more I realized that really the message was "Strong AND Skinny is sexy". Miles of photos of perfect headless six-packs and cleavage covered every facebook page. The message was skewed. And it ...

Critically Thinking

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 08:37:24 EST

I use Facebook too much. I freely admit it. But in doing so, I found an absolutely incredible Facebook page called Go Kaleo. The woman who runs it, Amber, is a powerhouse. She's fit and strong, had an incredible journey, and basically became Yoda in the process. But not the adorable lovable Yoda who sagely grumbles and gives advice.

No, she's the Yoda who sits on your back while you're doing backflips through the swamp and yells at you.

I love it.

She doesn't...

Fear is the Mind Killer

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 08:29:39 EST

Last night, Awesome Husband and I met Awesome Sister and Awesome Brother-in-Law for dinner at a local mexican place and then went to a cafe after for a decaf almond milk latte and half a cannoli. It was delightful. We sat outside and chatted for an hour or so, had some laughs, and just generally enjoyed ourselves.

But since my butt/hip are the current topic du jour, conversation eventually came around to my prognosis, diagnosis, assorted -osis. Fact is, I'm still on crutches. I hav...

Butt Update

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 09:39:29 EST

My typical style when I come on here is to try to be a little humorous, a little irreverent, a lot sarcastic. I just don't have it in me today.

Here's the thing. I KNOW that what I'm going through right now, on the scale of life catastrophes, barely even registers. It feels selfish to be so sad. It IS selfish. But guys, I am tired.

Last night, after trying to engage in some.......ahem.......activities, unsuccessfully I might add, I was left in enough pain that I had to t...

My Broken Butt

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 10:02:12 EST

Well SparkBuddies, I am officially in a rut. Not because I've given up. Not because I've been eating poorly. Not because of anxiety or a busy life.

No.

It is because I broke my butt.

Okay not actually. It's not broken. But it does hurt like a son of a beesting and I can't walk on my right leg at all. I'm crutchin' my way around these days.

Here's how it went down. Last Wednesday I did a kettlebell CrossFit WOD at my own gym. It was enjoyable. Nothin...

The 50 Things About Me Game

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:49:37 EST

I saw a few of these on my feed so I figured I'd do it!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No sir. It's not often you meet other Jolenes.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Hmmm. I'm not sure. Probably watching a movie of some sort.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I love it. It is absolutely atrocious and a little masculine.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I am not into lunch meat at all. But if I have to choose it'd be ...

So I Guess I'm a Runner Now

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 08:53:18 EST

Let me start this by saying: I hate to run.

I hate it. I HATE it. I've made my peace with that.

But I am nothing if not determined. So if I'm bad at something, if I hate it, you can be gorram sure I am going to conquer it.

So have I conquered running? No. I haven't. Not YET. But I will.

When I started running (read: jogging fairly slowly), even after months and months of P90X and TurboFire, even when I knew that I was fit, I could jog for barely t...

Superfoods and Why That Ridiculous Word Makes Me Insane

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 08:39:13 EST

So I was driving into work today, sweaty and exhausted from the gym and only half awake because, guys, it's 7:30 at this point. I am not a morning person. So anyways. A commercial comes on the radio and it's all "Blah blah blah, the superfood you should eat more of!!" It was blueberries or something. I don't even know. Doesn't matter.

I went into rage mode. Which, to be fair, at my current state of exhaustion and sweat, rage mode looked kind of like........a slightly furrowed brow....

A Very Muddy Weekend

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 09:43:12 EST

Awesome Husband and I ran the Warrior Dash this weekend about ten minutes from our house. It was a great experience. We didn't really train for it aside from our normal routine and neither of us are runners so our time kind of reflected that. But we had such a good time!

We headed to the course at around 12 and checked in then spent a good chunk of the time people-watching. The costumes were excellent. We saw barbarians, ballerinas, men in pink hot pants, women in tutus, men in tut...

A Superb Weekend, The Face, and a Melodramatic Plea for Help!!!

Mon, 7 May 2012 09:01:44 EST

Ever start a blog but have to stare at the box for ten minutes before you can even think of a way to say ANYTHING because there's so much to say? Yeah.

Let's try........Good morning!

And it is. Because my weekend was so excellent. So very very excellent. Thursday night, Awesome Husband and I went to see The Avengers at midnight along with every other human being on earth. I'm a comic book nerd, so keep that in mind. But when I tell you the movie was PERFECT, I surely do...

Gym Giggles

Wed, 2 May 2012 11:25:37 EST

When Awesome Husband and I first joined the gym I wrote a blog about all the characters there. There are some new faces at this point but the crowd has mostly stayed the same. We've learned a few names. (Hint: Every guy is named Paul, Phil, or Mike)

Recently we've made a pretty good "friend". And by "friend" I mean PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Let me clarify. This man, whose name is Phil, is actually really really nice. He's just also a haunt. A barnacle. A parasitic grow...

Brutal Beyond All Words

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 08:52:04 EST

So I had a truly fantastic weekend. Friday night Awesome Mother-in-Law, Awesome Sister-in-Law Senior and Awesome Sister-in-Law Junior and Future Awesome Sister-in-Law went out for what we dubbed "tequila and underpants party". Future Awesome Sister-in-Law is getting married in a month to Awesome Husband's little brother. So we had a super fun mini bachelorette at a truly fabulous tequila cantina. We laughed. We ate. We joked. It was fabulous.

Saturday morning Awesome Husband and I ...

Is My Lower Body Even Attached Right Now??

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 08:38:00 EST

So that workout I posted yesterday? Sweet lord. SWEET LORD. My butt and thighs feel like they're made out of wood. And I do not mean this like in a "I have buns of steel!!!" sort of motivating way. I mean that they are so sore they don't even feel like living flesh anymore. It's brutal.

I sort of love it.

But when I woke up this morning, stretched and immediately asked Awesome Husband if he would give me a butt massage, the last thing I wanted to do was hit the gym. But ...

Long Time No See!

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:14:27 EST

Heya guys! It's surely been a long time since I've blogged!

For the past month I've been battling with anxiety. My doctor diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder a few years ago but it honestly doesn't crop up that often. Every once in a while I'll have a panic attack and sure, stressful situations tend to hit me harder than others. But it's been years since an episode of anxiety has struck and then stuck around. I'm blaming it on hormones.

I don't to belabor the poi...

The Inconvenience of Health

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 09:24:40 EST

I just want to relay a brief story about something that happened to me this weekend that I really think is indicative of a larger problem.

Awesome Husband and I went to a favorite local restaurant a little after noon to have a late breakfast. The specials cried out to me but the night before had been a little overindulgent so I decided to choose a much healthier omelette. The waitress came over and I ordered it this way:

Me: "Can I have an omelette but can I have just on...

Trying to Make Sense of it All

Wed, 7 Mar 2012 11:12:53 EST

Grey clouds pouring tears
All my thoughts are cliches
Tomorrow is a better day
This, too, shall pass
A friend in need....
Words buzz and swarm
but do not heal.
Loving arms hold and console
but do not solve.
Prayers help.
The comfort comes.
And yet the war wages
Where are answers?
Where is solace?
How to help under a drowning sea of truthful cliches?

25 Habits I Cultivate

Tue, 6 Mar 2012 10:23:09 EST

Some of these are a work in progress. Many I don't even think about anymore.

1. Telling my loved ones that I love them at every opportunity. Hanging up the phone. Leaving their house. Saying goodnight. All. The. Time.
2. Cooking meals at home instead of going out.
3. Having meaningful conversation with Awesome Husband. We don't really have to work to cultivate this. We always talk.
4. Reading books.
5. Reading the Bible daily.
6. Praying. Not just before me...

Today's Motto

Thu, 1 Mar 2012 09:54:53 EST

I actually journalled this as well, including the picture, in an effort to force myself to be positive and forgiving and proud of my own accomplishments. (Ran my first 5k today on the treadmill with only TWO walking breaks!)

This is Pauline Nordin. She is phenomenal.

But this is what I wrote in my journal:

This body might be what I WANT but that does not mean that it is a reasonabl...

Very Small Accomplishments

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 10:19:07 EST

Well folks, time to check in and update the ol' goals.

Some of you may have checked out my Goals pinboard on Pinterest. Making it was the right thing to do because I've already accomplished one goal! Now I just have to make sure I have the money to buy my reward.

This past week has been rewarding in and of itself. I lost two pounds doing a three day cleanse. Don't be gross. It wasn't poop. hahahaha.

I put up a new progress photo on my SparkPage that I am hones...

A Truly Exciting Morning

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 10:53:11 EST

This morning Awesome Husband and I moaned and groaned our way out of bed, were super late for the gym, and neither of us wanted to do Kris Gethin's leg routine. Not only are his routines out of control difficult, they primarily use machines and we always used free weights and bars for leg day. So we modified a bit, did some of what he prescribed and some of our own thing. Standing hamstring curls, bb calf raises, front squats with a bar, straight leg deadlift with a bar, leg press, etc.
...

20 Things That Make Me Smile

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:23:07 EST

1. Puppies. My own or others. Those little wiggly bums and round tummies just make me light up inside.

2. A quilt fresh out of the dryer.

3. The smell of garlic frying.

4. Doctor Who

5. Quoting movies back and forth with friends. Yes it annoys everyone else. Makes me smile.

6. Curling up with a book.

7. A really good cry. Yeah yeah. Bit of a paradox.

8. Awesome Husband sleeping later than me so I can wake him up and ...

Finding Humor Through Tears

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:41:54 EST

The title is heavy.

I promise the following will not be.

I have my period. This is not an admission I make with shame or embarrassment. If you remember a blog many blogs ago (in a galaxy far far away), I wrote that you will never see me write TOM or "my friend is visiting". It's a period. I have it. The end.

And while I hate to marginalize my emotions based on hormones, last night's cry fest is kind of humorous to look back on.

It started with a bo...

What I Did and What I'm Doing

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 10:27:04 EST

Just a quick weekend update!

My little bro stayed over Friday night into Saturday. We figured it was going to snow so we slept in only to wake up to..........no snow!! So we headed out for breakfast (I got a truly magnificent egg white/one whole egg omelette while Awesome Husband got french toast and little brother got a belgian waffle). After that we hit the comic shop, then Walmart, then Stop and Shop. When we got back, little bro and I read some of the comics we bought and then ...

Talking Myself into Loving.........Myself

Thu, 9 Feb 2012 09:42:43 EST

Oh man. That title.

Awesome Husband bought me a journal this year for anniversary. He buys me one every year. And my mom buys me one every time she's anywhere.

See, I have this thing about journals. I keep them everywhere. I have one in my purse RIGHT now. It started in 8th grade. I was on the Cape in a paper store with a good friend and found this amazing leather journal filled with handmade paper. It looked just like the grail diary from Indiana Jones. So that's what I...

Plan of ATTACK

Tue, 7 Feb 2012 09:22:48 EST

Today's action plan!! (You have to imagine me saying that in my Superman voice)

Step 1.

Eat food. Not too much. Track it. Or not. Gauge emotional health and hunger cues.

Step 2.

Work out. Work out a lot. Weights in the morning. BodyCombat and Zumba/Sh'bam tonight. Get super sweaty and tired. DOMINATE.

Step 3.

Go home. Relax. Watch Doctor Who. Take shower because ew....sweaty.

Step 4.

Eat food again. Not t...

I'll Carry You Home Tonight

Mon, 6 Feb 2012 11:35:01 EST

Another weekend down and new week begun. I'm having one of those mornings where my tummy feels like I ate batteries.

It's amazing how much Whole30 has affected me. On Saturday night I spent time with a friend and ate lasagna since that was what she decided to make. It was the first time in three weeks that I'd had anything close to a grain or dairy. And boy am I being punished for it! That and the handful of french fries I ate last night.

Lemme just say, this feeling w...

Comfort Shmumfort

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 10:05:07 EST

I had a teacher in high school named Mr. Morrill. To say that Mr. Morrill was the finest teacher I ever had the privilege to be taught by is a massive understatement. The man helped me to develop and deepen the critical mind I'd like to think that I have.

The very first day of my first class with him, 10th grade history, he came into the classroom, took out a marker, and drew a square on the white board. Then he put a dot inside. He said,

"This is where the entire world...

A Goal Worth Living For

Thu, 2 Feb 2012 08:24:54 EST

There aren't enough hours in the day.

I'm so exhausted after work.

With the kids, dinner, house work, and my job, I barely have time to breathe!

My back is absolutely killing me today.

My show is on.

I just could not get out of bed this morning.

Any of those familiar? Probably. I've said at least one of those and most likely in the last few days.

Excuses aren't original. Sometimes they come with a nugget of v...

A Surprising Wave of Productivity

Wed, 1 Feb 2012 08:23:29 EST

I am kind of a lazy person. Well maybe not lazy so much as I get easily overwhelmed. I let my house get nasty, really and truly dirty and cluttered, and then I don't know where to start. So I just sit on the couch, instead, and feel bad about it.

But some days I am struck by an overwhelming need to DO. And honestly, since starting my fitness journey, those waves come more and more frequently.

The night before last I was out of my mind exhausted. My head felt like it was ...

Goals!

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:29:01 EST

Confession alert!!

I frequently avoid setting goals because I am afraid I'll fail. And in failing, will convince myself that the hard work just isn't worth it.

Lately that's had a lot to do with weight. I'd want to set weight loss goals but then realize I wasn't making the goal, would feel like a failure, and hate myself.

Turns out I have really really poor self image.

But it's okay to fail when trying to reach a goal. Means you're TRYING. Who'd hav...

Every Color Illuminates

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:16:40 EST

It's been two weeks since last I posted and I'm happy to say that I am doing great. I just haven't had much to say!

My Awesome Husband and I celebrated our fourth anniversary last week and I took a few days off of work. We spent that time just sort of..........enjoying life! We skipped the gym on our actual anniversary, though we made it in the next day. We went out to eat a few times, worked on our kitchen, cooked meals, shopped, and just generally spent time together. It was a re...

There's Beauty in the Breakdown

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:59:11 EST

Guys, I really want to articulate what this day has been like so far. I've spent most of the morning trying to think of a way to write this. I just.......don't even know.

If my day were itemized, it would look like a clustercuss of epic proportions. Lemme try.

Yesterday evening: I stayed at my parents' house with my little brother so that he'd have a chance to spend at least one night in his own environment this week while my parents are on vacation. Don't go feeling sor...

Workout Log

Tue, 3 Jan 2012 10:31:42 EST

Today was shoulders!

Yesterday was legs but the gym didn't open until nine. We got there around ten and it was PACKED. Literally, you'd have to wait for machines to open up. But I got my leg press up to 340lbs so that's pretty sweet.

Started out with three circuits

-some crazy move I made up that consisted of front raise to delt fly to military press, curl down
10 x 8 (I'm sure this move has a name. I do not know it)
-crunches x 25
-military p...

Workout Logs

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:21:52 EST

Hi SparkFriends!

I've been sort of absent since the last pitiful post. I'm working, really really hard, on loving myself (which includes my body!) unconditionally. While I work on that, and stew on it, lemme just leave you with the last few days of workouts!

Today was upper body!

Circuit (3x)

Alternating military press 25 x 8
Concentration curls 15 x 10
DB front raise 10x10
DB Overhead press 25 x 8

3 Sets BB OHP 45 x 6

I'm Not Giving Up. I'm Just Giving In.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:29:46 EST

I'm in a rut. It's a bad one. No I'm not stuffing my face with candy and cookies and cake. No I haven't stopped going to the gym five days a week. I haven't quit WeightWatchers. I haven't divorced Awesome Husband. Or given up hobbies. Or stopped lavishing my dogs with insane amounts of attention.

My body and I are battling. I have to admit this and write about it, even though I'm sure I'll be accused (AGAIN) of having an eating disorder or some other foolishness. I can't demand pr...