BAMOM19's SparkPeople Blog BAMOM19's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 7 months 7 Months without my son, as of yesterday, seems so surreal. I have my grandsons all weekend, so they've kept me busy, taking care of them, but the pain is still deep and unending. I was scrolling through the pictures on my computer, wishing I had more photos of him, when I came across a video of the boys at the zoo, that he had taken and sent me. Hearing his voice promting the boys to "say Hi, Gab" made my heart ache beyond words. Brooks was such a kind and wonderful man. He loved his family ... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 06:47:53 EST Finding a routine They say it takes two weeks to establish a new habit. I have to say, I find myself back in that routine of working out and counting calories. I'm trying to be consistent with my food log, and checking in on FB. It's harder on the days when I have my grandsons. Like now, for instance, my alarm just went off because I have to leave in 15 minutes to go get them off their buses. <BR> <BR> I'm not saying, I'm back to that place where exercise was my passion and sole purpose, but I'm getting up a... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 10:57:34 EST Been a little busy I've had my grandsons for the past 4 days, so not much time to get on SP. I'm still on track with my workouts, and pretty consistent with my food....although we did have a birthday cake for my grandson on Sunday, and I had a few tablespoons of the icing....ugh...shouldn't have....Sunday was a difficult but worthwhile day. My son-in-law has been planning a Memorial Golf Tournament in my son's name, to benefit my grandsons. It's a labor of love for him and it touches my heart deeply to see him ... Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:19:08 EST Good and bad... Today was a day of many emotions. My grandson, turned 4 today, a milestone his father never got to see. Looking at pictures of my son holding his newborn son only 4 years ago, makes me think that I could never have imagined he wouldn't be here to see his boys grow up and become men themselves. Though it was only 4 short years, it seems like an eternity now. He loved his sons so much, and they miss him unbelievably badly. Looking through pictures I found one of him lying on the floor with the ... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 20:58:52 EST Cold and blah day here Today is an active recovery lifting...normally I would go to the gym and do some cardio, but I have my grandsons to get on and off the bus...time is at a premium...I'm planning on trying a SP video this evening after they go home....going to the gym does lift my mood some, so I know I need to get the endorphins going another way. Yesterday I accomplished a few things around the house...shoveling snow and vacuuming and cleaning my bedroom. I'll do some cleaning up around the downstair... Wed, 7 Jan 2015 10:22:47 EST Staying the course... Currently working out at the gym on a 4 x a week program, today was upper body circuit? <BR> Bench press 3x15 65lb; lat pulldown 3x15 75lb; DB Incline press 3x15 50lbs; seated row 3x15 75lbs; military press 3x12 45 lbs; barbell bicep curls 3x15 35lbs; tricep pulldowns 3x15 55lbs...after each circuit, today's program had 6 minutes of cardio-I did mine on the spin I think I felt a little more into the program and both yesterday and today my effort and interest were much higher... ... Tue, 6 Jan 2015 21:50:42 EST Working on it Just returned from the gym with my daughter. I had a very good workout, but it wasn't easy to get through. It's as if I'm only going through the motions. I'm doing what I know I have to do, but there's no burning desire like before when I first started. I know I need to get fit again, but I'm really having difficulty pushing myself. I feel pleased with mysef for the workout I put in, though. Today was lower body circuit...barbell squats 15 reps-70 lbs; 45 second planks; hip thrusts 15 reps; l... Mon, 5 Jan 2015 14:37:17 EST And so it goes.... The new year is suppossed to be a time of new beginnings and resolutions; a new start, with fresh beginnings. How can that be when a piece of my heart was ripped out the day my son was taken from this earth? There's no way to piece together my shattered heart and the memories of our lives together are the only things I have to hold onto him....that's just not the same. There is no celebration of a new year when I'm still reeling from the loss of my precious child and all the future promise h... Sun, 4 Jan 2015 23:31:01 EST Goodbye 2014 I am beginning my 9th year of this journey. I have had ups and downs along the way. I lost 145 lbs from 2006 to 2007 and I've kept 90+ lbs of that off. Unfortunately, after the most difficult year of my life, I find myself over 200lbs again. Something I swore would never happen to me ever again! While there is no excuse for this having happened, my life has been turned upside down and I'm stuggling every day just to find a reason to get up! On June 17, 2014, the most unimaginable tragedy occu... Sat, 3 Jan 2015 10:11:14 EST Hard to understand I have met many people at the gym over my past 7 years as a member. It's nice to have a chat with other women and discuss what works, or doesn't work for us. I had a very disturbing conversation with a woman who spends hours in the gym everyday, working hard from cardio to weights, and she's in pretty good shape, possibly 5-10 pounds over what a chart would say her ideal weight was, but most women would love to be her size and shape. During our conversation she dropped this tidbit on me: I'm ... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 21:18:50 EST Thinking out loud I'm reflecting on the past 37 years of my marriage, as we begin year 38, and realize that life has so many twists and turns. I may not be exactly where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I'm happy, none the less, and would do it all over again. As I've stated before, there is only one regret in my life experience, and that is not getting fit and active so much earlier. However, I no longer continue to dwell on that and accept that I'm there now and it's something of which I'm ... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 09:13:08 EST Keeping it fresh I love my time in the gym pumping iron...I am often finding reasons to skip cardio so this week even though spin class is something I've been doing it for 8 years now, I have found that I can motivate myself, and so my own thing when the class instructor is not doing so. So instead of skipping the class on days when I know I don't care for the instructor, I just put on my own music and do what it drives me to do. I really enjoyed each class this week because of this mindset. Additionally, I t... Sat, 18 Jan 2014 23:08:57 EST small victory I usually take the weekend off, but since I made a resolution to up the cardio, I planned to take spin class this morning. When I got up at 7:00 it was raining, so I rolled back over to go back to sleep until 8:00. Well, I slept through 8:00 but woke up at 8:20, started a mini-debate with myself, go, don't go.....after about 5 minutes I finally said, just get up and go! So, I got up, hurriedly did my hair, brushed teeth, washed face and got dressed and out the door (with an energy bar for bre... Sat, 11 Jan 2014 14:08:15 EST feeling satisfied Cardio has been an issue for the past few my weight lifting, but cardio since field hockey has ended, is the thing I like least...additionally, on Mon/Tues/Wed my grandsons are here and the 9:00 spin class time is inconvenient....but I have made a concerted effort to get my cardio time. I did the treadmill on Monday for 30, the stepmill on Tuesday for 30, Wednesday was an off day, Thursday 55 minutes of spin, today 60 minutes of spin....additionally, I've been killing it with th... Fri, 10 Jan 2014 13:41:50 EST New Milestone! As I was leaving the gym yesterday (where I proudly went after shoveling my car out from Snowstorm Hercules) I realized that my Get Healthy Anniversary had passed on 1/1/14....8, eight, EIGHT years ago I weighed 300 lbs!!!!! There have been some blips since then, and I am no longer 149 lbs, but I'm still eating healthy and working out. I'm comfortable in my own skin, though not satisfied with where I am....I refused to let the weather interrupt my progress....I can honestly say that this life... Sat, 4 Jan 2014 09:41:52 EST Softball season Week one is complete. Things went well, though I only had 3 games this week. Kept up with all my workouts, except Saturday (10:00 game-need to arrive 30 min before-and 40 minute drive). I had planned to go after the game, but it was freezing (it snowed during) and when I got home I just wanted to get warm. I'm not thrilled with myself over that, but I have to look at the other positives I can take away from the week. For instance, ditching the energy drinks/bars and replacing them with health... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 11:10:35 EST WhooHoo! It was so great to be back on the softball field yesterday...and even better that I had no physical pain when I woke up this morning. Typically,mthe day after a game would be very painful for me, with knee and even some pain in my Achilles losing 10% of the weight I was carrying around has had an obvious positive impact...hoping that my game scheduled for tomorrow doesn't get cancelled because of today's rain. Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:09:31 EST Been under the weather But still on track! I caught a nasty upper respiratory virus from my babies...feeling pretty crummy since Friday. Happy to say I didn't let this interrupt my progress or derail me! I did all my strength training sessions, as scheduled, cardio wasn't as intense,because it's hard to breathe, but I moved....evenSunday when I really was at my worst I went out for walk not really pushing it, but I moved, so I'm happy with that! I'm still #streakintospring-ing and I think that's great under the cir... Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:47:51 EST Crappy mental state of mind Today was a trying day, and I found myself having a pity party....I don't often do that, but I have my problems, just like everyone else. While in the midst of this self-induced crisis, I found out how destructive this type of behavior could be....this happened while making my salad for lunch. I caught myself starting to loosen my self control and stopped midstream. I thought immediately of the effort I put forth in spin class this morning and snapped out of the mental funk. I realized that h... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 22:27:16 EST New week same streak Still going strong now for 18 weeks! I'm getting close to my next SP trophy so I've been on here a lot recently. Some of the info is so good I wish more people would take the time to read it and put it into practice. I recently saw a post by a SP member on FB under the #streakintospring challenge. She was lamenting her lack of motivation and excusing it away for various reasons and said she wants to try and do better...we all know that verbage, and the lame excuses - been in that place before... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 13:38:49 EST Another day, another thing to be proud of Typically, Sunday is an off day for exercise. But SP had a #streakintospring challenge of doing at least 10 minutes of exercise everyday in March which I accepted, so I decided to do just that, 10 minutes....which turned into two miles and 45 minutes of power walking! It was 40 degrees and windy....but it felt good anyway! <BR> <BR> I knew I would end up doing more than10 minutes, but, still, I promised myself I only had to do's always satisfying to push yourself and do more than you... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 16:56:50 EST Myth "Toning" workouts = lifting lighter weights for high reps are best for women looking for muscle definition. <BR> <BR> Truth: forget about it! You need to lift heavier to see results! Studies prove that lifting lighter weights ( less than 70% of maximum effort) for 12 reps or more is simply going to produce muscular endurance without much muscle growth, meaning you'll be able to lift for a higher number of reps but won't see any physical difference. Looking toned means more developed muscles ... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 14:47:39 EST Small triumph.. I'm not really jazzed about Saturday workouts...but the current workout I'm doing has me lifting 5 days w/Thursday an off up I get when the alarm goes off, the lift is bi/tri's supersets so I get finished in short time...I'm already up, and it seems a waste of time to leave after lifting, so, spin class it is! 55 grueling minutes later and I've gotten a great Saturday workout finished! <BR> <BR> Happy Saturday! Sat, 2 Mar 2013 12:21:52 EST I may not be there yet But I'm closer today than yesterday! This week has been awesome! I'm finally feeling like I'm making progress, and seeing results. I know I am not where I want to be, but each day I'm getting one step closer to that person. I'm in the second week of part 2 of my current 8 week workout. This portion is very demanding, with lots of different exercises, many multi-joint, and I feel it after I work out. It's always a badge of honor to feel that good muscle soreness after working out, I feel accom... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 19:31:11 EST Love my gym time!!!!! Just finished the first week of the second part of my 8 week workout I've been doin. It's awesome because many of the exercises are ones I avoid doing, because they push me harder. I'm sitting here, post Saturday workout feeling awesome, a little sore, but awesome! I feel stronger, and I'm definitely seeing big changes in my body. I've been back on track since early November, 4 months missed workouts, and my diet is back to feeling like second nature. It's a good feeling, knowing I'... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 14:40:05 EST Sad day Today marked the two year anniversary of my Mother's passing. It's still such a huge loss and life will really never be the same again. I was so lucky to have had the mother I did, she was my biggest fan, my friend, and she always loved me, unconditionally. I think of her very day in some way. It was eerie today to have realized the exact day and then have Miranda Lambert's song, "Over You" come on the radio at a that precise time. All too often, I just feel at a loss, it seems so wrong that ... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 22:26:50 EST Ups and downs Friday I got the stomach bug, it started to hit me as I finished my lifting at the gym-so glad I got it in before hand! So my eating was all over the map eating mostly soup and not really tracking anything makes me unsure of how the weigh in will go tomorrow...but, whatever happens I know I'm succeeding. I decided to get out all the umpire pants and try them on...I couldn't wear three of the four pair I have most of last year. I'm so happy that all but a pair of size 8's (which i havent worn ... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 23:21:55 EST Wise words When you are consistent in your healthy habits, magic is happening in your body and mind, even if the scale isn't moving. - Coach Jen <BR> <BR> I recently blogged about my disappointment on my weight loss progress, and after receiving a very nice comment reminding me that "a loss is a loss" and reading this quote by coach Nicole, I see things with a different eye. <BR> <BR> I have had a really consistent 12 weeks! I have been to the gym at least 5 days a week, I'm tracking my food, making h... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 07:04:47 EST Things that make me say hmmm I recently read this quote from one of our SP coaches. "Success depends more on how much you eat than what you eat. Moderation is the key to success." on the surface this seems like very sound advice. For some folks it might just be the one missing link they've needed. But, I look at this and say, hmmmm. How can this be so? We have all gotten to this point by eating unhealthy foods, in large quantities, of course. By refusing to change this behavior, we are kidding ourselves about having a he... Sat, 9 Feb 2013 05:26:19 EST 12 weeks It's been 12 weeks since I got back on track. My strength and endurance are definitely much improved. My weight loss is at 18 pounds...not as good as I would like, but I need to up my cardio, and protein intake. I am certainly back to healthy habits and good routines. I'm concerned about what lies around the corner with my umpiring season beginning. I must make sure that I keep my gym schedule in place, while doing my games each weekday, and of course while figuring out my schedul of babysitt... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 11:23:22 EST Sluggish day I had to attend a meeting last night(I hate being out in the evening - makes falling asleep/waking up harder) and have the boys all week (grandsons 2 & 3 usually only watch them on W-Th-F) and today has been rough! Dragging at the gym - I so wanted to skip cardio - but I did 35 minutes and upped all the weights for each lift. I feel that's a huge victory considering my fatigue level! I'm doing 150 on leg press and 70lb squats-that's good considering I've been very careful of my knee! <BR> ... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:30:01 EST Wondering Im watching The Biggest Loser and listening to their chef discuss breakfast - showing a recipe of some sort of egg/turkey bacon&sausage pizza that weighs in over 300 calories. My reaction, as it is always, TOO MANY CALORIES. My breakfast is always under 200 calories. Am I off base? Sometimes I don't know. I did lose 3.8 pounds this week, and a total of 19.6 since November. I wish it was coming off faster, but it is what it is, at 57 years of age. I see the weight coming off, but I'm still unh... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:31:02 EST It don't come easy... You know it don't come easy....the fact of the matter is that every overweight person, whether obese or merely needing to lose 10 extra pounds, would sooo love there to be an easy fix. The moment someone realizes you are losing weight, it's like the heavens part and the angels sing and time stands still as they wait for you to give them what amounts to the secret of the universe. It's as if they are sure it's something magical, because no matter how much they know the truth, that diet and exe... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 06:05:53 EST Time to review<BR>loss/2008-04-20-weight-loss-reuter_N.htm <BR> <BR><BR>th/weightloss/2009-01-07-exercise-dime<BR>_N.htm <BR> <BR> I recently revisited these two USA TODAY articles to remind myself what I can do when I remain committed and focused to my healthy habits. I forgot how far I had gotten, and I now understand that the vision has to be held in the forefront of your mind to stay the course sometimes. Like the visu... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 15:50:03 EST Teams & Challenges I've been a SP member for over 6 years now and belong to a number of teams. Some of these teams use challenges as motivation to get the members losing weight and staying focused. I find these challenges are a good way to be held accountable and they make e try just a little bit harder. I am often inspired by some of the other folks stories, and they often make me realize how easy I have things by comparison. I do sometimes feel as though some folks are really resisting making the true changes... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:12:40 EST 9 weeks-still going strong! 9 weeks begins today and I'm thrilled to say I'm moving along still focused and committed! It definitely feels easier now that it's a habit. Of course I wish it could go quicker, but patience and staying in the moment are all skills that require constant work. I've almost gained my old strength back in my weight lifts. My bench press is up to 70lbs...I should be back up to 85 in 3 weeks....I can definitely see the physical changes, as well. Ditching the loose fit shirt helps me stay inspired ... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 16:21:19 EST How long does it take for a comeback? Well, I would have to say the answer to that question is 8 weeks! Today, was the first day I stripped away the loose fitting shirt and traded it in on a workout tank top! I wasn't sure if I was ready to expose more of myself, just yet, but I went for it. It's really liberating to know that my hard work is paying off, and people have noticed, and given compliments. It's nice to hear that other people can see the transformation taking shape. But, more importantly, it helps fuel my desire to kee... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 13:45:34 EST Pondering I've been pondering many things lately. The first being, how much I enjoy the gym, and my gym friends. They are people who I've known for 5-6 years now, and it's nice to know they keep an eye out for you. I love my gym, it's cost effective, it offers everything, it's clean, and I never have to wait for cardio or strength equipment. That being said, I often find myself wondering why some people even bother coming to the gym. Many people spend most of their time chatting on their phone, while b... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 16:36:18 EST Not alone I was watching TV last night and caught an interview with Al Rocker and with the exception of the bypass surgery, our stories had similarities that gave me a moment to pause. As you can see from the story of my journey, my weight loss was phenomenal in 2006 & 7. I LOST 143 lbs during that time and felt so successful and happy. But I soon learned that losing the weight was the easy part. Though I kept my workouts intense and consistent for 4 years, the weight was creeping back on. Life changes... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 19:11:40 EST 7 th year Yesterday marked my 7 th year anniversary of healthy living. While I had a small blip over the past year or so, I'm proud to have reached this milestone with a renewed commitment to this lifestyle. I struggled to make sense of what had gone wrong, and until just the other day, I couldn't find an explanation. My recent worries about finances, made me realize that, contrary to my belief, I indeed did stress about things, and that stress caused me enough distress, to allow myself to seek comfort... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 19:37:41 EST Approaching a milestone I am quickly approaching my 7 year anniversary of a healthy lifestyle.ive had a difficult year or two which saw me stumble and lose some of my focus (and ultimately creep over the 200lb mark), but I'm on a 5 week roll now and feel my momentum continuing to build. I've come to realize there are something's about me that will never be "fixed" and that I will always battle the same demons within. I'm certain I'm not the only member of the 100+ weight loss community, who has found themselves gain... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 05:01:02 EST Owning it... I have known since Jan 2, 2006 that only I can make a choice to be healthy. I also learned along the way that it's important for me to acknowledge my difficulty putting my needs ahead of my family's. I adore my grandsons and treasure every minute I get to spend with them. Watching them grow on a regular basis, being there to kiss their boo-boos or snuggle them when they ar sick, gives me such a sense of worth and fills my heart with love. But, giving of myself to my son, for those boys made m... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:51:30 EST Starting the new year right I know now, more than ever, that it sometimes takes, a deep look inside to realize that it's easy to find an excuse. I thought I had learned that lesson, and could recognize the problem when it presented itself. But, I fell into that trap again. It's so easy to find whys to explain away one's mistakes. But, the truth is, you don't feel good, or whole, if you allow yourself to believe those inexcusable words of failure. 'Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build fo... Fri, 6 Jan 2012 20:29:53 EST That voice Ive had a very stressful year, and have not dealt with it wery well. I've somehow lost my voice-that inner voice that tells me I matter! That voice that gives me permission to put myself first. When I was locked-in, there was nothing that I would allow to get in the way of my gym time. There was no mindless snacking or excessive calorie intake--that voice would always stop me. But where did that voice go? How could I be so immersed in my healthy journey for so long (4 years), and then slowly... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 03:30:47 EST 6 years Today is the official 6th anniversary of my weight loss journey! I've had a difficult year, and lost some of my healthy habits, but I'm still here and have recommitted to this journey. Mon, 2 Jan 2012 21:14:58 EST Thursday check-in Even though I'm totally dragging right now, I've stuck to my gym routine. Still on track for the week and will combine legs with back along with spin class in order to complete week two of the workout plan I'm currently using. <BR> <BR> Tuesday and Wednesday are my baby-sitting days with the boys ( my grandsons-6 months and twenty-two months old), add in running to Philly to see my dad at the hospital and it equals massive tiredness! <BR> <BR> Muddling through....definitely glad to be sti... Thu, 14 Jul 2011 13:26:17 EST Proud Monday Yesterday was a great accomplishment for me...after umpiring ten games over the weekend, I made myself get up and go to the gym! I did a great weight lifting workout that I did with little to no rest between exercises and used that as cardio. Since my knee was still swollen from umpiring, I didn't do spin class. I'm currently sitting in a hospital waiting room as my dad has hip replacement surgery. And had to leave at 6:30 to get here, so no gym this a.m. If I get home at a reasonable hour, I... Tue, 12 Jul 2011 09:47:44 EST My oh my, it's been way too long! Too long since I actually spent anytime on SP! Obviously, I can find many an excuse, but, I've just chosen to be a slacker of late. Once our weekend tournaments begin, the downslide kicks in, the weekend takes so much out of me with 10 or more games over a two day period, that Monday's fatigue gives me a reason to skip gym time, which snowballs and snowballs, until an avalanche of failure has occurred. I'm back in the gym as of Thursday and Friday, and two days worth of softball games Sat an... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 21:16:35 EST Friday-- So another week of lifting completed, and it was a very good week. Waking up different muscles that hadn't been targeted by the last workouts, plus trying a new piece of equipment--a rope climber machine--and in general mixing things up. Workouts this week were good, but for some reason my food has been an issue...sneaking tastes of things at night, feeling a little more hungry than usual. I know it's all in my control, but for some reason, I'm disregarding my inner voices....I'll get it back... Fri, 15 Apr 2011 14:24:36 EST What a perfectly gorgeous day! Finally, the sun came out and the temperatures were seasonable! This was day 4 of my new workout program and it was an off day--no lifting--did 30 minutes of 30 second intervals on the treadmill, - had my hair salon appointment - and then had my game to umpire. The weather was so totally perfect for the game, and the sunshine was glorious! I'm pleased that I have my workouts for the next 8 weeks all written out and planned, so I'll merely have to get up and get to the gym...4 weeks of 4 day @... Thu, 14 Apr 2011 21:31:20 EST