AUBERRY2's SparkPeople Blog AUBERRY2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Hard time Well, how am I doing right now? Not as great as I wanted to be. I am not gaining, which is my vicgtory right now, but I am also not trying, which leaves me feeling unhappy with myself. <BR> <BR> I am super stressed right now, I was downsized from my jobs on 11/8/12, and I am having a much harder time with that than than I thought I would. I have had a lot of anxiety since my last day that I was a bit blindsided with. <BR> <BR> My husband and I are also dealing with some severe behavio... Thu, 29 Nov 2012 11:35:20 EST Positively Friday Ok. Positives. <BR> <BR> Let's see... <BR> <BR> I have done more cardio this week than I did last week, by two walking sessions. <BR> <BR> I have been taking my vitamins <BR> <BR> Played soccer with my kiddo <BR> <BR> Have not played Sims 3 for more than 30 minutes! <BR> <BR> That's all I've got for now. I need to get busy working on my celebrations for next week. Fri, 5 Oct 2012 10:56:11 EST Following Dr's orders A few weeks ago I went to my doctor to discuss irregularities on my cycle. She feels that my obesity are affecting my hormones and that exercise and proper diet, and the resulting weight loss, should help get things back to normal. <BR> <BR> Well, I must be honest and say that I have not followed her advice to the letter, but am following it and praying, I have had some loss, and, even better, as much as I hate this time of the month, it appears to be the first normal cycle I have had in s... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 11:39:24 EST Watching and waiting Well, we had a big meeting last week and discussed some details of our work lay off. <BR> <BR> We found out that the first 50% of us will be gone as of 11/12/12, and then they will slowly cut more people until 2/12/2013 and the last of us is finally free, um, I mean, fired. <BR> <BR> We still don't know about severance packages yet, they haven't finished ironing out the details, but we do know we will be getting a package when we are let go. <BR> <BR> This is helping m stress level a lot, ... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 09:27:57 EST Just for fun A. Are you at all artistic? Not really <BR> <BR> B. What are your favorite burger toppings? Lettuce, pickles, mayo <BR> <BR> C. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Cerulean <BR> <BR> D. Diamond or pearls? Diamonds <BR> <BR> E. What exotic pet would you like to have? Zebra <BR> <BR> F. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hunger Games <BR> <BR> G. What is the worst gift you have ever received? Fuchia jeans and a white button up shirt with a HUGE shawl type collar th... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 17:16:22 EST Haunted Ok, so, I posted my positive Friday post, and I am writing out this second one because A) I need to ge this off my chest and B) I didn't want to clog my positive post with a gloomy one. <BR> <BR> I feel haunted. It is a feeling I never expected, but upon my marriage to my fabulous husband who is about as good as a man can get, the feeling start creeping up. You see, nine years ago I left an abusive marriage. He was physically and mentally abusive, violent and controling. When I left I fe... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 10:27:31 EST Positively Friday Ah, this post will be difficult, because I am hormonal and don't feel like being remotely positive right now. Of course, I can't help but think my bad attitude is the perfect reason for a strictly positive post, it may realign my point of view. <BR> <BR> So, NSV's <BR> <BR> I haven't gained this week, which is fab. <BR> <BR> Stuck to my water goal <BR> <BR> Remained much more pleasant than I actually felt and refrained from yelling like I wanted to <BR> <BR> My feet have remained pain f... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 10:14:58 EST A crash diet that will work So, I may be looking at losing a lot of weight in a very short amount of time. "How?" you may ask? <BR> <BR> It is quite simple. It is highly likely that before Christmas I will be on the Downsized diet, at which time I will find the huge weight of stress from work lost. <BR> <BR> You see, I have worked at the same office for 6 years. It is a small office and everyone here has been here for at least as long as I have. And none of us can stand each other anymore. We are all turning into catt... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 15:01:02 EST We all have our own journey I struggle with my weight loss journey. Someone else appears to have no struggles with hers. I am fighting to be healthy, someone else is fighting to be a dress size she approves of. One person doesn't believe in using diet pills or aids, someone else has just started smoking to help her keep the weight off. The differences go on and on forever. <BR> <BR> You see, I, like many women, catch myself being judgmental of other womens' weight loss journeys. I catch myself thinking ugly thoughts... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 12:53:20 EST Positively Friday I love Friday's because Friday's mean I can turn off my alarm clock before I go to bed! So, I will begin celebrating Friday's with positive celebration posts! (I'm brilliant, I know) <BR> <BR> So what am I celebrating this Friday? <BR> <BR> Some Non-Scale Victories (NSV's) <BR> <BR> I have met my water goal every day this week (even though I am terrible about tracking it) <BR> <BR> I have cooked dinner myself every night this week <BR> <BR> I have done my strength training more this wee... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 10:10:42 EST What I Want to Be I was taking my son to his soccer pictures yesterday when I saw a fabulous looking woman rolling down the road in her electric wheel chair. She was dressed nicely, had a big smile on her face, and waved to everyone. Her smile was the contagious kind, you had to smile and wave back. <BR> The thing was, she was so morbidly obese she couldn't walk. That is what the wheel chair was for. I was not being sarcastic when I said she looked fabulous, she did, she obviously had made an effort ... Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:41:21 EST Derail the Negativity Train I have negativity issues. That is why I have not been as into my blogging here lately, no one wanta to read about my pity pool parties or things like that, especually when it is me whining about first world problems like not wanting to stop over eating. <BR> <BR> So, I decided to post about ways to derail that nasty negativity train and get on with life in a more positive mind set. <BR> <BR> The number one thing for me is my prayer journeling time, when I read my Bible and write out all of... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 11:56:16 EST Crazy Weekend, still successful! This weekend was a bit tense, full of potential pitfalls. <BR> <BR> We had baby mama drama, my DH and I had a disagreement caused by being newly married and learning to live together, my step-son had a mental break down because his father and I expected him to listen and do as he was told, my son had a complete fit because I had the audacity to tell him to stop being mean to his step brother, and through all of it I didn't over eat. It was great, really it was. Instead of over eating, DH and... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 11:17:38 EST What the Doctor had to say You know how it is to know something, but hearing someone else say it is just no fun? <BR> <BR> Well, I had a convo with my OB/GYN yesterday that was like that. She has always been really big on healthiness, and she has been on my back about my lack thereof for quite some time. But, yesterday I went to see her to talk about some female irregularities I was having and what impact those may be having on my fertility and such. Well, naturally, the first thing she brought up was my weight, an... Fri, 7 Sep 2012 09:41:00 EST It's a Texture Thing How do you experience food? For me, it has been a long term love affair that involves most of my senses. As important to me as taste, sight, and smell are, the part of the equation that really brings it all together for me is the texture. If the food doesn't "feel" right then it isn't very good. <BR> <BR> Example, I love my breakfast tacos. Potatos, bacon, cheese, tons of hot sauce, and a homemade tortilla is my absolute favorite. The thing is, I HAVE to have a soda with it. A diet soda n... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 08:40:26 EST I want to say something brilliant LOL, I want to say something brilliant and insightful, inspirational, meaningful, full of dancing unicorns and puppies and wisdom. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen. After the long weekend I find that I am just flat and finding any fabulous words of wonderfulness is beyond me today. (Or any day, really, I might as well admit) <BR> <BR> But, things are going well. I didn't overeat this weekend. The hubby and I had a date night and went to the Olive Garden, and yes, I had whatever I w... Tue, 4 Sep 2012 09:53:38 EST I lied Yes, I told an untruth. I am not "full of spark" not the least little bit. <BR> <BR> I feel like I want to be, but this week, no matter how hard I try to "fake it 'til I make it" I am not making it. Hormones are probably playing a big role in this. I am bone tired, grumpy as all get out, and strongly desire to eat everything that can't run away from me. Especially chocolate and cookies. And breakfast tacos. Love me a breakfast taco. <BR> <BR> So, what in all of this is good? (Because I a... Fri, 31 Aug 2012 09:45:30 EST Lets do this Okay, all the excitement is over and I am an old married lady now. <em>244</em> Needless to say, as a newlywed, I am loving all of that. I have a new five year old step son who I am getting to know. There is some stress and challenge surrounding that, but with time it will all be well. <BR> <BR> I am ready to rev it up and do this. Direction, not intention, determine destination!!! It is time for me to face the direction I need to go and walk that path, even if I am walking it in baby st... Mon, 27 Aug 2012 11:31:57 EST Cleaning out my closet Well, <BR> My wedding is fast approaching. August the 11th is obly about two weeks away. I am really excited. I have even lost some more weight, which is awesome. The thing is, now that we are combining households and I am clearing out the old to make room for the new, I have to clear out my closets. This includes my old skinny clothes. <BR> <BR> I find myself in a state of emotional turmoil over this that is completely unexpected. I haven't worn these clothes in years and yet, when I loo... Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:55:11 EST I'm Still Alive Hey everyone. I haven't been online in forEVER, so I thought I would make an update. <BR> <BR> I have been in the throes of wedding planning and am about to lose my mind, LOL. I don't know what I was thinking, we should have just gone to the JP and been done with it. <BR> <BR> I have created a situation for myself that has put me between a rock and a hard place. Since I decided not to wait until I reach my weight loss goal to get married, I have reached a point where I actually cannot ... Wed, 16 May 2012 10:45:02 EST Giving up my blanky, changing tastes... So, I have been being very good here lately. I have been cutting out my artificial sweetners, I have been chosing more foods with ingredients I can pronounce, I am eating less, and I am losing weight, all of which is extremely awesome. But, I have run into another unforseen issue. I didn't know that the way things taste would change. For example: I wanted a Coke Zero really badly, the other day. I bought my Coke Zero to go with my lunch, took a big ol' swig and was like "Ew. This is nast... Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:23:14 EST Unofficial Weigh In Well, today is a new and better day. I am so grateful for the new chances each day brings. I ended up giving in to my sweet tooth yesterday, but, I was careful about my calories and still came out ok. One nice thing about being good has been that I can eat one sweet treat in a day and I don't feel awful. I just get to enjoy my treat and go on, because I am not cramming my face full constantly. Now, I do not have a sweet treat everyday, I don't trust myself to do that because it is all too ... Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:51:05 EST I'm feeling everything I am an emotional eater. I don't think that this is a new catagory for anyone, there are lots of us out there. But since I have been sticking to my plan I have run into an unforseen issue. Because I am not eating my feelings, I am actually feeling them. Positive and negative, they are all assaulting my senses at full force. I am not entirely certain how to handle them all. Things hurt me that I didn't realize hurt, because before I would just pick up a Blizzard from Dairy Queen and it wa... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 10:51:19 EST Drinking my calories Ever since my days with Weight Watchers I have been told drinking my calories is a no-no. Now that I am actually seriously applying myself to my weight loss journey I am beginning to see why. Drinks with calories are so not worth it, I mean, I think they are at the time, but when it comes down to it, after tracking and looking at these things, they are really not worth it. Because I am trying to get healthier I have been working at kicking my use of aspertame and other artificial sweetners... Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:24:13 EST Hate Time Change I haven't slept roperly since the time changed. I hate the time changes, they throw me off my sleep and it feels like it takes forever to get back to where I was. <em>46</em> I am not a girl that does well with her beauty rest, so, look out world, Grumpy's non dwarf cousin, Cranky, is about to head to the office.... Wed, 14 Mar 2012 07:19:02 EST 1589, what does it mean? What does 1589 calories mean to you? For some it means they ate too much, for some it means they didn't eat enough. For the more opinionated it means I ate too much. For me it means that I actually stayed within my calorie range for the first time since joining Spark. Nothing more, nothing less. I actually stayed within range. It is a good thing, and I am proud of myself. It also means that I didn't eat after 6:00pm yesterday, that I didn't consume the refined sugars that I usually do, ... Tue, 6 Mar 2012 09:51:19 EST Sparkless So, I have been MIA for a while now, but I am still chipping away at revamping my lifestyle on baby step at a time. The thing is, right now, no matter how awesome the NSV might be, no matter what success I may or may not achieve, this weightloss journey thing sucks at the moment. That is how I feel about it right now. I haven't felt inspired or inspirational for a few weeks. I feel like a bit of a fraud, I try to be upbeat and have a good outlook on this journey, but the upbeat has been b... Mon, 5 Mar 2012 13:37:13 EST Happy Celebrate Commercialism, I mean, Valentine's Day!! Okay, something everyone should know about me (Because I am so awesome everyone should know, LOL) I am not a Valentine's Day fan. I have never had a Hallmark commercialesque Valentine's Day, and after 30 years I have come to the conclusion that it is the stupidist holiday ever. No offense to those who love it. It is great for kids, they get their little Valentine's card and parties at school, but I think after a certain age it loses its charm for a lot of people. There is the stress of ge... Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:25:25 EST I feel good Didn't want to do my strength training this morning, y'all. Didn't want to at ALL. Every fiber of my being was set against it. "After all", the couch potato devil on my should said, "It's Friday, take a break. One little break won't hurt you". I wanted to listen to that little couch potato voice so badly (You know, for a couch potato, that little devil is extremely active, isn't he?) But, the thing is, there was no excuse for a break today. I am not ill, I am not injured, I am not in the mi... Fri, 10 Feb 2012 07:17:33 EST Lost Weight I lost some emotional weight yesterday. Blogging about my stressors really seems to have helped me, I feel lighter, happier. It is amazing how things will start to weigh on you after time. <BR> <BR> I wish I had something profound to say, but nothing is sparking in my mind right now. Bottling things up is never good, it is something I struggle with. I tend to have a weakness toward what I call Atlas Syndrom, I feel like I HAVE to carry the world on my shoulders all the time. No one can ... Wed, 8 Feb 2012 10:45:27 EST How do you really feel? I am having a moment, so please excuse me. I want to eat nothing but junk and have felt this way for a couple of days. Because I am not at my healthiness goals I do not currently believe that nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. I feel fat, and angry, and like I don't care what all the junk does to me. I want to throw a tantrum like a two year old. I fried chicken on Super Bowl Sunday, mashed potatoes with milk and butter, glazed carrots (also with butter), black eyed peas (which were... Tue, 7 Feb 2012 13:41:05 EST More weight, less me First things first, I had to go out and buy a heavier set of weights today. I now have a set of 8 pounders to had to my 2's and my 5's. SO awesome. I love progress. It got to the point over the last two weeks that the 5 lb weights were not challenging enough for my bicep curls, or my tricep work, so I spent the money on the new weights. Love it. I also added a few new exercises to my strength traing routine. I can tell you, I never imagined I would be doing this, let alone be excited abou... Fri, 3 Feb 2012 09:50:05 EST What do you mean my streak is only 2 weeks long? I was checking out my Spark streaks today, and let me tell you, I was quite shocked. It feels like I have been tracking certain things FOREVER, but according to my Spark streaks I have not. My current streak for strength training is only 2 weeks long. Now, to be fair, my longest streak for this is 3 weeks, but still. Why does it feel like I have been doing this for an eternity when in fact it hasn't been that long? It isn't that I dis;like the exercise, the more I do it the more I am enjoy... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 23:04:17 EST Hard work? No way! Warning, a semi-rant. Listening to all the girls at work talk about their latest lose weight quick schemes got me going: <BR> <BR> <em>88</em> <BR> <BR> I am no stranger to weight loss attempts, not my own or other peoples. From my earliest memories I can conjure images of my numerous female relatives trying every diet under the sun. They got together in the evenings to power walk, they drank strange concoctions that they read about in womens magazines, they ate grapefruit until their s... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:11:05 EST What is NSV? I have had a few questions on what a NSV is, so I thought I would post a little explanation, since I use that particular abbreviation frequently. <BR> <BR> A NSV is a Non-Scale Victory. I learned the term during my tenure at Weight Watchers. NSV's are faboo little ways to track your healthiness journey other than relying on the scale to show your progress. They can be anything from seemingly a small thing, like you chose to eat pineapple chunks instead of cookies at lunch today or you walk... Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:43:27 EST Joining Sparkpeople, total NSV I was thinking this morning as I was I was reading articles and blog while I got ready for work, how awesome is Sparkpeople? I have become a Spark junkie, I swear. I spend more time here than I do on Facebook, and that is saying something y'all. From articles to read, blog to write, forums to interact on, tracking tools, etc, there is so much info and support here that it is hard not to find a successful path to achieving goals. What I love, love, LOVE, about Spark though, is all of these... Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:27:30 EST I... Need... Sleep.... Well folks, I have always heard that sleep is important for weight loss and maintenance. I never thought about it much, but as I have been unable to sleep well for the last few days I am beginning to see why they say it is so important. Because, y'all, me not sleeping well is becoming detrimental to my plan. When I am this tired I want to eat junk all the time, ALL THE TIME, because the little sugar rush gets me going for a minuscule amount of time. I also crave sodas like crazy, for the ca... Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:15:45 EST I have Muscles! (NSV) Okay, so, I know, everyone has muscles, but, well, over the last couple of years I have lost touch with, and sight of, mine. But today, just now, I was sitting at my desk stretching and being silly so I curled my bicep and and squeezed it. Not only was there visible definition to it, but it was not squishy!!! Lifting the free weights is working, y'all!! I mean, I am no where near being ripped or anything, I can still only use a five pound weight, but I could actually see a bicep muscle, an... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:59:33 EST Do I really want it? I am frustrated with myself. Do I really want this enough to make the changes I need to make? Today I feel like I don't, and it makes me want to cry because I want to want this enough. I am still doing my strength training, though I didn't last week I am picking up the weights again. But that is about it. My foot started hurting again and it scared me, so I took time off of my cardio, which is not cool. I am traveling in the wrong direction and I know it, and I feel a lot of self loathin... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 09:33:17 EST Strength training, body, mind, and soul So, I picked back up my free weights this week. You know, I am not really sure when 5 lbs gained weight and became so heavy, but I am thinking I should open my free weights up a Spark account, because they are touting more poundage than I remember. <BR> <BR> (To provide a little back ground, I was always in shape and fairly athletic until about 5 years ago. In college I lifted weights, played tennis, walked daily in addition to weekend hiking trips and horse back riding. Even after coll... Fri, 6 Jan 2012 13:49:42 EST Tracking *scary theme music* So, I tracked everything I ate yesterday. I made some very good choices. Lots of fruit yesterday. Veggies too. Chicken sautéed in a tablespoon of olive oil and fresh garlic. A bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast (Good choice in comparison, I usually eat something like a huge breakfast taco) For lunch I went to Subway, but was good there ordering chicken breast with loads of veggies, spinach, cucumber, lettuce, etc, on whole grain bread instead of white. (Though I am not really sure h... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 07:11:01 EST Happy new Year! Ooo, I disappeared for a while. I have been cleaning house for a solid week, and never want to see another broom again. I gained two pounds over the holidays, which is disappointing, but I am not going to cry over spilt milk, I am just pulling my big girl pants back on and moving forward. This year will be awesome, I can feel it. <BR> <BR> Here's to a great new year!! Tue, 3 Jan 2012 10:11:21 EST A Way Out "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." <BR> 1 Corinthians 10:13 <BR> <BR> <em>88</em> <em>201</em> <em>88</em> <em>201</em> <em>88</em> <em>201</em> <em>88</em> <em>201</em> <BR> <BR> So, I was thinking about my trip to Lazy Town this week and looking at my journey quotes and thought that in... Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:42:21 EST It isn't my scale's fault.... It isn't the scale's fault that my weight was up this morning, but I sure wish it was. The plain and simple fact is that I have been making very poor food choices this week. It has been a convenience thing, it has just been easier to eat out than to cook, but still, I know better. I took the wrong direction and ended up at a destination I don't like, so I have to go ahead and make my U-Turn and start heading back in the right direction. Thu, 22 Dec 2011 07:03:04 EST I need a Boost: Non-Scale victories So, I am really down on myself for a lot of reasons, none of which I will waste time on here. So, I decided to sit down and list some non-scale victories in order to boost my mood a little. <BR> <BR> - I have not stopped and bought Mayonaise Potato Salad from Bucees in months (Some Texas people know what I mean about Bucees, they have everything and the potato salad is faboo, I used to stop and buy a tub of it nearly every morning and eat it for breakfast) <BR> <BR> - I am down a pants siz... Wed, 21 Dec 2011 11:23:11 EST *wipes cookie crumbs off shirt* Well... I didn't make it. I ate sweets. I often don't realize how mindless my eating is until things like this happen. I was standing by the kitchen table talking to my fiance when it happened. I grabbed a piece of gingerbread that he had brought to the house and started munching. I had eaten the enitre piece before it dawned on me that I was failing the weekend challenge. I was like "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I wasn't supposed to eat sweets!!" But, done was done, I couldn't not eat the... Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:17:52 EST Egads! No Sweets! I opened my Sparkmail this morning to see a weekend long challenge to go along with the December Dash Aweight the Pounds Challenge. This challenge is, I hate to say it, No Sweets ALL WEEKEND!!! Egads! It is a good challenge for me, because I love me some sweets and need to get away from them. But the thought of going all weekend without so much as a nibble is daunting. Perfectly doable, but very daunting. No sweet tea, no cookies, no candies, no cakes, no nothing sugary sweet. I need to s... Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:33:35 EST Dash Aweigh the Pounds, weigh in #3 Well, I weighed in this morning, and while I didn't have a loss to record, I did maintain the 2 lb loss from last week. Considering that I have a certain Aunt visiting this time of the month and I want to eat anything chocolate that can't get away from me, I figure that ain't too shabby. I also must confess to the fact that I really haven't been working out this last week, which I am sure affted my stats, and though I have tried to be good while eating, I have failed often. So, I will take m... Thu, 15 Dec 2011 07:19:36 EST =/ Happy Birthday to me Well, as I have been obnoxiously announcing off and on, yesterday was my birthday. It was, for the most part, a good birthday. I got almost all my Christmas shopping done, didn't have to cook dinner, and had the day off work. Then I had my little birthday party at my grandmother's house, which was nice. My grandma baked a spice cake, I ate a piece. I hadn't eaten hardly anything all day, I had been saving calories for my cake, and it was worth it, LOL. Then came the silent but loud as an ... Sat, 10 Dec 2011 09:42:47 EST Feeling smokin' hot LOL, I am full of myself this morning. Tomorrow is my birthday, I have the day off work, I am going Christmas shopping, I am buy a new outfit for myself and enjoy the day with my fiance. I lost a whopping 2.6 lbs this week. I am having a hard time believing it and still am wondering what on earth my scale was smoking before I got on it. I actually weighed myself three times this morning because I was convinced it was wrong. To make things better I am just feeling super smoking hot walki... Thu, 8 Dec 2011 10:47:05 EST