ASILENNA's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ASILENNA ASILENNA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ A new day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708304 I am feeling pretty good today; sore and tired, but still feeling pretty good. It is the start of a new month, and in spite of all the crap going on in other aspects of my life, it feels really good to start new today. I joined the 5k your way walking program and did day 1 this morning. My daughter started her 5k your way running program and took my grandson with her. He is super excited to be doing this running program too. He woke me up and got me to go too. I still need to work on eating (... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 19:07:20 EST Weekly goals 11/4-11/10 2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5531475 Drink at least 68 oz. of water <BR> walk 3x at leat 2 miles <BR> yoga 3x week <BR> make menu for the week. <BR> Get 3 assignments done <BR> Take time for me 3x for the week. Mon, 4 Nov 2013 00:50:39 EST Week 1 done and complete. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5531367 Well, my first week is complete. I didn't do as well as I had hoped or planned on doing, but, on the same note, I didn't do as bad as I could have either. I had some weight gain last Monday, which I had already anticipated since it was water weight. I didn't walk every day like I had planned, but when I did, I had good workouts. I also didn't record food every day, but that was because I didn't eat every day. (I will touch on that one later) but when I did eat, I was honest and/or ate what I ... Sun, 3 Nov 2013 21:56:20 EST First full week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5525609 I came back here a few days ago, geared up and ready to go. This is the start of my first full week and I plan to make the most of it. I did pretty good over the weekend writing down everything I ate and eating only that. I didn't get any exercise done over the weekend, compared to the two previous weekend, which were some serious hiking (especially last weekend, hiking with hills at an a elevation of 790 feet above sea level) Will be going for a walk in an hour or so. Over the weekend, I jo... Mon, 28 Oct 2013 13:53:46 EST Cup half full or half empty? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5523194 I am stuck in a void. There are things going on in my life right now that I actually don't have any control over and unless those that do have the control decide to help me, I will have to make certain sacrifices that I don't want to make in order for things to get better for me. This is suppose to be a happy time for me, and instead I have this black cloud sitting over me. I just want to cry and hide. This has definitely taken over my mood, emotional state and physical state. I have to shake... Fri, 25 Oct 2013 13:10:17 EST I feel numb and lost http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5325128 I feel like I am flosting above myself trapped in some horrible bad dream. I had such an awesome weekend, and then yesterday turned into a nightmare. I went for my walk, and came back feeling really motivated and great, just to turn on the TV and see the news showing what happened in Boston. So, now I have a heavy heart and feeling so bad for all those affected by what happened. Still, I go through my day, forcing a smile. Then at 7:44 pm, my step sister called me to tell me my dad passed awa... Tue, 16 Apr 2013 11:32:49 EST Post 5k blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5323937 Well, I survived it!!!!! I did my first 5k walk yesterday in Springfield, OR. And apparently I did alot better than I thought I would. My goal was just complete it. I had my best time too. I normal walk 25-30 minute miles. (My best time was 20 minute miles and that was when I was 185 lbs) I had convinced myself that I didn't care about my time, the goal was to complete it. That was it. According to the final results at the Biggest Loser 5k page, I finished in 57:05. I was walking 18 min. mile... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 11:48:42 EST Week.....? Not sure anymore which week this is for me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5301387 I have been feeling surprisingly good. I haven't been coming in here faithfully for awhile now. I haven't been tracking my food intake, haven't been working out, I've just kind of been alive and nothing more. I have been making an effort. I have walked every Saturday for the past three weeks, and this week end I have walked Sunday, yesterday and today. So, I am up to 4 days in a row. I have recorded my food for two days in a row now too. So, it is a slow process, but I am getting there. :) ... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 22:52:14 EST Today is a good day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5277327 It is Thursday and I plan on making this a good day...a GREAT day. I will be productive, optimistic and happy. I will not let today's pain get in my way. I have been feeling overwhelmed and blah since my surgery. I have tried to do as little as possible. As I look out the window, I see bright blue skies. A nice change from the rain. I am hoping that it stays that way, so I can bundle up and go for a small walk. :) Thu, 7 Mar 2013 11:31:32 EST Week 2 Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5206041 1. Get to the gym at least 3X this week. <BR> 2. Stay caught up with school. <BR> 3. Go to bed by 10:30 at least 3X <BR> 4. Make adily menu the night before <BR> 5. Submit at least 10 resumes/applications <BR> 6. Drink more water <BR> 7. Find one good thing about myself every day. <BR> Mon, 14 Jan 2013 02:26:15 EST Week one, completed. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5203854 Well, week one didn’t go as well as I had envisioned it in my head. This past week, I joined a gym (yay) but only went once (boo). I found out that I don’t have enough financial aid to get my Bachelor’s Degree (sad) but I am only 3 classes away from getting my Associate’s Degree. (super yay) Eating this week wasn’t all that great. I didn’t over eat, but I didn’t really pay attention to what I ate. This upcoming week will be a challenge for me. On Monday I have a fasting lab appt and need to ... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 16:08:08 EST December 31, 2012 to January 6, 2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5186236 It's a new year, with new chances. I sit here and wonder, out of the millions of people on Sparkpeople have started and stopped and started again with the lifestyle journey. How many people have started out strong and determined and motivated just to let other things in their lives take over until the journey is almost non existant. I am very guilty of that. If I could lose a pound for everytime I have started and stopped, I'd almost be at my goal weight by now. While I used to really beat my... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 13:24:52 EST Week 1 of 30 DAy Experiment Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5164302 <BR> Well, week 1 went ok on this 30 day experiment. I discovered that when I don’t feel hungry, I don’t eat. So that was/is a bigger challenge for me to tackle. I also discovered that when I am stressed out (more than usual) I don’t focus on my well being at all. So, that is another challenge for me; Other than those two things (which only happened once rather than all week long.), the week went well. Although I didn’t do everything every single time, I did pretty good; which is better than... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 11:38:44 EST Good Saturday... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4835439 It's been a good day: sunny, warm temps, farmers market this morning, gardening this afternoon. Jacob even got his very first bicycle taxi ride! He couldn't smile any bigger if he tried! I actually felt a little better. got some exercise in between walking the farmer's market and the gardening we did. We tried to play badminton (Jacob's new favorite thing to do) but it was too windy. It looks like tomorrow is suppose to be the same, so I am hoping to get a longer walk in. <BR> <BR> <em>126<... Sat, 14 Apr 2012 23:26:50 EST Determined... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4833438 I have made my mind up. I am tired of being sick and keeping me down. I am going to clean house, dance to some music with Jacob (try to anyway) and I've even made a menu for the day (I will input that in a few). I don't care how much it hurts going down. The increased pain is only temporary. I successfullygot breakfast down. I have no idea what my weight is right now. I don't weigh in again until Monday, but I'm sure I've dropped a couple of pounds. I have an appointment on the 18th to see t... Fri, 13 Apr 2012 12:52:03 EST I would like to be able to start eating anytime now....and breathing would help too. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4830340 I"m sorry before hand, this is going to be a ranting blog. I feel like I am not getting any better. I am so congested I can't breathe, my ears are so plugged that I can't hear, my throat is so sore and raw, I literally ccan not eat. Even tea and water hurts. I am coughing (full blown hacking) constantly. I think I take in maybe 400 calories a day. I am forcing down jello, pudding, hot tea, water and chicken broth. I know it's great for weight loss, but I feel miserable. I have an appointment ... Wed, 11 Apr 2012 12:53:54 EST I just want to cry http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4827016 Wow, I had not expected to wake up to Monday like this. In spite of my 2 pound weight loss that had me super happy, I got family news that I never thought I would ever get. I am having a hard time with it and doing my very best to not let it consume me. (There's nothing I can really do anyway) So far, I've been great not to gorge on food, ( Breakfat was 1 c. multigrain cheerios, 2 c. coffee, 8 oz. light orange juice, 1 hard boiled egg white, 1 pc. toast w/ 1 T. butter, 1/2 c. 1% milk) and a t... Mon, 9 Apr 2012 12:28:50 EST Still sick... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4825908 I had really hoped I'd be feeling better by now. It's Easter and in spite of how I feel, I made sure it was a good Easter for my grandson. After a nice Easter brunch, we went on a 2 mile hike (Yes, I felt like there should have been an EMT (really cute EMT) with an oxygen tank following behind me). Then we came home and Jacob did his egg hunt and then we washed the car. Later, to do a little gardening. I still feel terrible but very proud of myself for getting out there and getting some exerc... Sun, 8 Apr 2012 18:38:39 EST UUUGGG.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4820209 I used to love the Spring. Now I seem to get sick every Fall and Spring. I didn't get sick at all until about a month and a half ago and that lasted about 3 days. Minus the cough, which i have had for about a year) Now I can not breathe, ca not hear and cannot eat. I am seriously doubting this is still allergies. My ear is back to being the way it was on Sunday (filled with cotton feeling), I am completely and totally congested, and my throat feels so swollen. My grandson says I have been inv... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 11:55:29 EST Wondering if i am still sleeping... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4816553 Happy Monday!! This morning is my usual weigh in day. For some reason I woke at 4 am and thought it was 6, so I weighed myself: 304. Yay!! I thought, ok, down 4 pounds and went back to bed. Alarm goes off at 6, get up, go to the bathroom, and weigh myself, thinking this felt familiar, look down at the scale and it reads 298.6 Huh????? Thinking I looked at wrong, I got on again...second time: 298.6. In my head I was thinking 304. Now i am thinking I dreamt weighing myself and it saying 304. I ... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 10:55:01 EST weird two days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4813818 What a weird couple of days I had. Thursday I had it all planned out. I made my menu for the day, and I was going to spend a very peaceful day home alone working on school work. Ashlee had the day off and Jacob is still on spring break, so they had planned a fun day of things to do. Anyway, Jacob wanted Nana to go too (this was after all his reward day for reading his very first book from start to finish all by himself (a goal he wanted to do by the end of the year) <em>244</em> very very p... Sat, 31 Mar 2012 16:27:08 EST I will not stray...I will not stray...I will not stray... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4807493 Today is going to be a betterday. I could have made some much better choices yesterday (especially when it came to satisying my sudden sugar craving) but today is a new day and so far, i am off to a great start!! I have wished a happy Tuesday to all my sparkfriends, I have my menu for the day and will do my absolute very best to stick to it 100%!! I need to figure out what, when and where for my exercise. Two partial obstacles are raining weather and babysitting a still semi sick grandson. Ma... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:34:15 EST Friday! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4801348 Well, it's Friday and I am surprisingly motivated. Woke up late and made rushed to get the garbage and recycling out to the curb (pj's, jacket, slippers and all!!) Taught my daughter the art of super fast mode for when kids get ready for school. She and my grandson live with me and she tried to get him up for school (first days of school after 2 snow days) and he wouldn't budge. So, she called the school and said he wouldn't be there today. and goes back to bed. He comes out about 8:15 and as... Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:37:38 EST The past 24 hours.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4769408 The last day and a half have been hard. Yesterday, my daughter (whom just had a baby as few weeks ago) is dealing with post partum depression. My grandson is her first baby, she is exhausted and very frustrated because of that. She texted me yesterday morning and asked me how I ever managed to raise three kids. That started the conversation, and in this chat, I suggested that she talk to her doctor at her next appointment. I also offered to research support groups and find one that she can g... Sun, 4 Mar 2012 00:19:08 EST Not a real great day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4760789 I am trying to do this one day at a time, most days lately I have just been feeling really blue with not caring about anything. Last night I was feeling semi motivated, so I wrote out a menu for today. I didn't eat everything I put together, but I didn't go way over board either. I was only 148 calories over. Tomorrow will be a better day, I know it will. Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:50:11 EST Day 1...again LOL http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4667874 Ok, I was all motivated last Sunday to start the day out right, even ate decently. Then I received not so good letters in the mail. Then everything fell down. I got home Monday morning and ate...and ate...and ate. Everything in sight. I easily took in probably 3500 calories. That is almost double what I allow myself (1800-2000) Got a little depressed, wrote an appeal letter and worked on feeling more optimistic and confident. It took awhile but by Friday I was feeling better. In fact the whol... Mon, 9 Jan 2012 07:12:34 EST Falling off the mountain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4551939 I seem to keep getting to close to the edge and ignoring the sign that reads: "Don't stand too close to edge. You will fall off". <BR> <BR> I haven't been in here for what seems like forever. I fell off yet again and of course I am a complete embarassment to myself and go to my very own pity party, neglecting all my wonderful friends here who, instead of looking down on me for falling off, would instead help me to my feet, and give me encouragement. I have been toying around with the idea... Tue, 25 Oct 2011 04:35:20 EST Once upon a time... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4352796 Once upon a time, there was a woman that needed to get healthy. She joined this great website called sparkpeople. She had a few friends there and everything started out great. Then she started getting forgetful about the little things, and became discouraged. She had a hard time willing herself to do what was necessary for her to lose weight so she could get healthy. She didn't pay attention to her eating. While she didn't always eat the "right" foods, it was more of the not eating when she w... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 10:22:41 EST Once upon a time... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4352794 Once upon a time, there was a woman that needed to get healthy. She joined this great website called sparkpeople. She had a few friends there and everything started out great. Then she started getting forgetful about the little things, and became discouraged. She had a hard time willing herself to do what was necessary for her to lose weight so she could get healthy. She didn't pay attention to her eating. While she didn't always eat the "right" foods, it was more of the not eating when she w... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 10:22:32 EST In serious need of help and advice http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3353891 I need some help and suggestions from any and all. One of my biggest weight problems is and always has been emotional eating. I know once I can gain control of my emotions, I can gain control of the eating. I was sent for a loop this morning. I found out this morning that my favorite aunt is dying. She has been ill for awhile and last month put in a nursing home (my father said death was not imminent) a few weeks ago, she was put in the hospital because she has fluid on her lungs. I found out... Sun, 20 Jun 2010 22:03:27 EST Wednesday 5/26/10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3272264 Woke up feeling great. Within an hour of getting up I was in the bethroom vomiting. It was all down hill for there. Felt like I was hit with a stomach bug AND the flu. Tried to eat a little. Toast, crackers, hot tea and chicken broth is all I had. Drank water after water, must have drank almost 2 gallons worth. No walk in today. Sure hope I feel better tomorrow. Wed, 26 May 2010 23:57:15 EST Tuesday 5/25/10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3268665 Today started out with me feeling really great. I was woken up at 2:15 am by my phone. On the other end was my boyfriend Davide calling just to tell me that he made it to London safely. To me, that is so sweet and even romantic. We haven't been going out for very long, so, for him to do that really made me feel good. I went back to bed and got up at 7 and actually ate breakfast. I was pretty lazy this morning. Took my shower and played on the computer. I wasted the whole morning away. Don't w... Wed, 26 May 2010 00:22:39 EST New Day: New Start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3265022 Had a pretty good Monday. I walked/jogged for the first time today on my 1.25 mile route. A fun little game with my grandson, so it was alot of fun. Paid attention to everything I ate and did pretty good at that. I didn't get breakfast in. That will have to be something to work on. I have such a hard time trying to get myself to eat breakfast. Sounds like a mini goal for me. Life here has been going pretty good. Still looking for work. THat is becoming a little depressing. Started researching... Tue, 25 May 2010 01:02:31 EST Helping out Relay for Life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3205376 My daughter's sorority is teamed up with one of the fratenerities on campus to do the Relay For Life. As a 2 time cancer survivor, I am advocating for this team to help them raise money. Anyone that knows me knows I am I internet social junkie. I am challenging all of my friends (and anyone else) on all my social sites to help out. My challenge is for everyone to simply donate 3 dollars. THat's less than a pack of cigerettes, a starbucks latte, and alot less than eating out. I will be taking ... Fri, 7 May 2010 13:46:41 EST Just added a cheesecake recipe http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2701861 I just added a cheesecake recipe I have adjusted so that it is healthier for me, but mentioned in the description that I would be posting the original in a blog. So, here it is, the original recipe: <BR> <BR> Crisco® Original No-Stick Cooking Spray <BR> 1 (19.5 oz.) package Pillsbury® Classic Traditional Fudge Brownie <BR> 3 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, softened <BR> 1 (14 oz.) can Eagle Brand® Sweetened Condensed Milk <BR> 3 large eggs <BR> 2 teaspoons vanilla extract <BR> 1/2 cup mini ch... Wed, 6 Jan 2010 00:46:15 EST Day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2701691 Even though I didn't sleep well, I still got up at 5 in the morning and worked out. I did a full body strength training and walked for 30 minutes. and did one of my yoga dvds this evening. Class went fine. I would have been to class on time if I hadn't walked in, and sat down in the wrong classroom. <em>28</em> But i was only 5 minutes late and it was the first day. I am thinking positive thoughts for this math class. It's my 3rd time attempting it, so I hope. Fingers are crossed. I also s... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 23:57:49 EST What a day.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2695697 I think, for my first Monday of 2010, I did pretty darn good. Had a great workout this morning. Ate right for the most part (Lunch was iffy, but still did not go over my allowance) For dinner we went to Applebees, and instead of getting sliders or artichoke spinach dip and things like that (my usual) I got the dijon chicken with portabellos mushrooms, seasoned vegetable (broccoli, yellow squash and carrots) and weight watchers herbed potatoes. All this was under 550 calories. I did have 2 gla... Mon, 4 Jan 2010 23:49:40 EST Help! Somewhere within the last 2 weeks, I lost my focus... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2661503 ...And I can't seem to find it. It seemed to disappear sometime while I was on bedrest. After I got the ok from my doctor to start working out, I got 1 thirty minute walk in and nothing sense. I know I could blame the holidays (they seem to get that alot) but when you come right down to it, it is me. It will always be me. I didn't get up this morning to go workout, but it is only 9 am here so I can still redeem myself. I just can't seem to motivate myself to get up off my apparently re found... Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:57:49 EST Food for Thought: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2650220 If anyone can help me out with this, please let me know, because I have been wracking my brain about it. Everywhere you turn, people are saying eat 100% whole wheat bread rather than white bread because it's better for you. CAn anyone tell me how it's better for you? we were making french toast for breakfast yesterday and my daughter and grandson prefer white bread for that, so I figured I'd make theirs with white bread and I would make mine with whole wheat. Then I compared the nutritional i... Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:24:11 EST Last Week was a bad week... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2650198 I tried to post this blog last night, but some reason the window wouldn't load. Last week was a rough week for as I spent the majority of on doctor ordered bed rest because of several busrting cysts. It's been several years since I have had it this bad. Of course, surgery would fix the problem completely, but without insurance I could never afford it. So, I just keep plugging along, doing the best I can. It felt weird not working out. There was one morning that I was feeling pretty good, the ... Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:16:16 EST My heart loves me, but my legs hate me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2630763 It is Sunday and I have been working out at the gym since Wednesday when I got my membership. Wednesday I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes (average speed 2.6), Thursday I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes (average speed 2.8), Friday I didn't get to the gym, Saturday I walked the treadmill for 45 minutes (average speed 3.0) and this morning I walked the treadmill for 60 minutes (average speed 3.0). Mentally and emotionally I feel great, and aspects of physically as well, but my legs... Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:11:53 EST Strange day yesterday... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2626888 Yesterday was day 2 of working out at the gym. when I work out, I seem more hungry than when I don't. I have been trying to combat that by drinking more water (which I have been managing to do successfully since I join the gym) but now I have to deal with this hunger, and while WEdnesday I did really good about overcoming my old way of thinking and just eating something, yesterday was a different story. I did ok until I started sweating, getting dizzy and getting the shakes (which has always... Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:25:36 EST Sometimes misunderstood discouragement is a good thing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2616770 Last week when I made my marathon goal, I got mixed responses, which left me very discouraged...to the point that I almost decided not to hold myself to the goal and leave sparkpeople altogether. It bothered me so much that I couldn't enjoy or concentrate on my workouts (which so far, have only been walking and yoga) and I was convinced that my subconscious would take over and I would sabotage my eating. I woke up this morning and weighed in like I do every Monday morning. Imagine my surspr... Mon, 7 Dec 2009 13:06:13 EST For anyone reading my marathon posts...Please read before you respond... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2608298 I posted yesterday my desired goal of participating in a marathon next June. What i had hoped for was suggestions and tips on training, not some of the responses I've gotten including very negative private messages, i.e. "ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD ATTEMPT A MARATHON AT YOUR WEIGHT. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF BEING COMPLETELY IN SHAPE AND YEARS OF RUNNING BEFORE ATTEMPTING A MARATHON. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET TAKEN AWAY IN AN AMBULANCE." This emai to mel was inappropriate, immature and out right mean. If... Thu, 3 Dec 2009 20:05:40 EST Monday 4/13/09 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1967701 The start of a week; fresh beginnings, tougher dtermination, stick to my guns harder this week...there are alot of ways to describe the Monday you discover that instead of losing weight, you gained 2 pounds. Who is to blame for this? ME. I didn't seem to care enough to watch what I ate, therefore the workouts I did get done didn't help. I have 1 of a few options on how to proceed. I can wallow in self pity, I can try harder or I can just give up and not try to get healthy again. My head opts ... Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:22:45 EST A New Me...emotionally http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1964391 Ok, I disappeared from here late last year. I had alot of issues going on that needed my attention. I had decided that I wasn't going to post too much about what was going on with me, but I have been thinking about it, and if I can give hope to even one person with this, then it is worth baring this part of my soul. I was, at one point, ready to give up completely. I had the bottles of pills sitting on the table in front of me. I had the glass of water, the written note, everything. Things ha... Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:34:40 EST 10/23/08 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1529404 Today has been an okay day. Not too much to report. Ate, exercised, worked and slept. Haven't had much energy. My workout felt forced, so that left unsatisfying. I don't know, I just feel...blah. <em>40</em> Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:54:09 EST 10/22/08 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1527470 Shown above is my biggest motivator. I love him to death, but sometinmes he drives me nuts and pushes too hard and uses the wrong tactics. Rather than motivate me, it pushes me away and makes me want to give up. Today was one of those days. Jake's attitude is if you expend more calories than you take in, the weight will come off. In some cases, that may be true, but I'm sure I am not the only person on earth that does everything possible (eating right, exercising, etc.) and still doesn't los... Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:20 EST Made today a very productive day. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1523457 I made today a very VERY productive day. I realize that when I stay busy I don't have time to think about things. I sent an email to both of my kids, telling them that I understand how they are feeling anger and that I would respect their wishes and leave them alone. The response I got was simple. " YOU ARE DEAD TO US." So, now as I heal my ripped out heart, I have no choice but to stand back in the shadows and wait. Wait for them to grow up and wait for them to come to me...IF that happens. ... Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:26:34 EST 10/20/08 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1521870 This will be a brief entry and I promise to post again tonight. For those of you that know what's been going on with my youngest daughter, this will come as no surprise. She hit way below the belt this time. She decided to involve her brother; my only son. If you go to recent board posts and read the "can anyone tell me..." post, you will see why I have been gone. I feel into a massive depression and haven't felt like doing anything. I pretty much quit caring. I'm trying to get back on track ... Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:51:54 EST