ASHTESSA's SparkPeople Blog ASHTESSA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Stress + eating = guilt So I read my last blog entry and realized I had wrote that I would check in the next day and well this is a week later... sigh. I took an unintentional break from sparkpeople and definitely paid for it. I gained 3 pounds according to my scale and went on a binge of sorts. Everything from gummi bears to frosted animal cookies to heaping plates of mexican food.... I really dont know what triggered my mental breakdown. I just felt a rush of anxiety all of a sudden and couldnt say no to food for ... Fri, 2 Jul 2010 03:51:50 EST Ken and Barbie Crappy run this morning. I think because I didn't eat an hour beforehand like I usually do. I had to stop to walk four times on my regular route. Usually I only stop once or not at all. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was pretty crappy too, nutrition wise. I went over my calorie limit by quite a bit and the scale says I gained two pounds in one day. WTF? Probably all the sodium from yesterday but still, ugh. <BR> <BR> Today is a get back on track day. Drink lots of water, get some healthy food in and ... Thu, 24 Jun 2010 10:48:16 EST Monday... etc. I got in a run this morning. I was very careful not to push myself as much now that I'm running again. I still try to get in a sweat but I really don't want to kill my joints. <BR> <BR> Today was a very good day for calories. I would say I was on the low end but when you balance that with yesterday everything works out nicely. <BR> <BR> Last day of the crimson tide thankfully. Sometimes I really hate being a girl. How dumb is it to bleed for a week straight? I get real tired of it, not to... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:11:02 EST 7 lbs in 34 days. Not too bad.. So I'm down to 141! I ate well the past two days but the two before that, not so much, so it was nice to see the scale still going down for me. Yays! <BR> <BR> I still have some ways to go but its nice. My clothes are still a little snug but tthey fit better than they did a month ago, for sure. <BR> <BR> I got my knee strap in the mail yesterday and ran a quick jog. I am disappointed in how much stamina I lost after taking a break for my knee to heal. I had made so much progress and now I ... Sun, 20 Jun 2010 01:25:19 EST Sneaky 4 am workout. So I survived the last two days with the boyfriend's grandparents. It was stressful. Mostly because I hate worrying about how I'm coming across and what I should and shouldnt say. <BR> <BR> I was also not the most patient person but after 2 museums, a third one was just not sounding very exciting, in fact I was almost ready to fake a migraine. Luckily I was able to convince the crew to take it easy the last half of yesterday. <BR> <BR> Calorie wise the last two days were not the greatest.... Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:18:02 EST Generational Gap So my boyfriends grandparents are coming into town today. I'm not real excited about it. They'll be here for three days and we have to entertain them somehow. I work at a hotel and they're staying where I work but I'll have two of the three days they're gonna be here off. <BR> <BR> The thing is that they're sort of stuffy people who don't really understand sarcasm and even "liberal" thinking. So I don't know how my next three days will go. We'll probably go to OMSI and the Rose Garden and of... Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:51:25 EST Knee recovery plan So today was a better day. My knee is slowly getting better. Im trying to be patient but its hard. I cant run on it or I will pay dearly and recovery will be twice as hard. <BR> <BR> I did use the stationary bike for 20 min today (I convinced the maintenance guys to open the gym for me). I was a little weary but I was told to use the bike to strengthen my legs while my knee heals. The bike didn't hurt my knee at all so i suppose I'll just have to keep trying as hard as I can to get my bike ... Mon, 14 Jun 2010 21:42:10 EST Dumb boyfriend and stressful day Well yesterday was pretty crazy. I definitely overdid it on calories. But I'm not really feeling guilty about it. I was beyond stressed, very tired due to only 4 hours of sleep, suffering from a major allergy allergy attack and it was sweltering hot in my bedroom making what little sleep I got very uncomfortable. It was just a bad day all around. <BR> <BR> Yes I did indulge in some comfort foods (chocolate, mexican food, gardettos) but I managed to say no to a bunch of things (little debbie ... Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:53:51 EST F%#k you knee So my knee is officially f*&#ed. I'm not pissed off really just disappointed. All my efforts at creating a few perfect running playlists are not going to be enjoyed for some time while my knee recovers. It will take two weeks to a month until I can start jogging again. <BR> <BR> I really should be doing low impact activities like using the stationary bike and elliptical but of course our apartment complex fitness center is under a month long renovation. They wont be open 24 hours until June... Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:06:09 EST Awesome 2.5 miles and kudos to the playlist! Just got back from a 2.5 mile run. It was awesome. I ran (er jogged I guess) the whole time except for about 15 seconds of it when my mp3 player was being stupid. I ran it in about 29 minutes which comes to about a 12 min mile. VERY happy with that since yesterdays run was a disaster. <BR> <BR> I have found that I really enjoy running, especially outside. Its freeing and empowering really. I like to push myself to see how far I can go. There are times when I seriously feel like collapsing ... Wed, 9 Jun 2010 11:40:36 EST Just a quick post Tonight the boyfriend and I will probably head out for sushi. <BR> <BR> For all sushi lovers out there Im posting a couple links that I found interesting. <BR> <BR> Tips for keeping sushi healthy <BR><BR>hi-Healthy-940633 <BR> <BR> <BR> Sushi Breakdown <BR><BR>314740 Wed, 9 Jun 2010 06:40:47 EST electric blue nails make me happy A nice sunny morning. I got my jog in but my ankle is starting to bug me. I'll have it to take it easy.. <BR> <BR> Mp3 player is still my best friend evah. <BR> <BR> Last night at work was slow and relaxing, like I like it. <BR> <BR> Still having some issues with a certain someone at work but it will be resolved eventually, slower than I'd like but thats corporate for ya. <BR> <BR> I have a bunch of errands to run tonight/ this afternoon but dinner should be awesome. Turkey Reubens! <BR... Mon, 7 Jun 2010 11:48:17 EST jogging in the rain + fab freeware Just got back from jogging in the rain. <BR> <BR> I hated it. <BR> <BR> The thought was, well, maybe I'll actually like it. Maybe it could be refreshing and different. WRONG. I came home with mud caked over the back of my calves and soaking wet clothing (including my tennis shoes). Sometimes I hate the Pacific Northwest. <BR> <BR> At least I did get to try out my new music. I've been sort of bothered lately by how much time its been taking to find songs that are between 140 - 170 beats p... Sun, 6 Jun 2010 11:21:11 EST sunny morning and a survey So I just got back from a pretty great run. Not my best but considering how much willpower it took to get my butt out there, it was awesome. I'm glad I went, the weather is beautiful this morning. Sunshine mixed with a cool breeze. Perfecto! <BR> <BR> I love how I feel after exercising. It does wonders for my mood. And the effect lasts all day too. <BR> <BR> Work was okay. I have this coworker who's still sort of new (but not THAT new) and possibly the most clueless person I have ever met. ... Sat, 5 Jun 2010 11:23:54 EST 3 days of ugh... Well the last 3 days have been a complete stupid mess of overeating. i just hope I havent gained everything that I lost back on. This morning I was at 145.5. Hopefully I wont see a gain tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Thursday and Friday were my days off and it all started with the drinking. Also spending to much time with my boyfriend and my roommate. Two guys who are not the healthiest when it comes to their eating habits. Candy bars and pizza and mixed drinks and just plain eating too much. <BR> <B... Fri, 4 Jun 2010 20:24:40 EST The sun will come out....for half an hour just for me. Well the weather seems to be cooperating with me. Although I've seen plenty of rain today and yesterday, I've been blessed with some very convenient breaks in the clouds and got my jog on. My mp3 player is the best thing ever! So much fun to jog with that thing. I put the new album by B.O.B. on it and have been rocking out like no other. <BR> <BR> I cant decide on turkey dogs or salmon. I'm going to the store to get both but which one to cook tonight? Oh life's mysteries.. Trav was really g... Tue, 1 Jun 2010 11:11:18 EST Shiny new mp3 player and horrible weather dont mix. I'm down to 145! Pretty awesome. 4 lbs in 2 weeks is good enough for me. Work was fun. Amanda is always fun to work with. Plus we got time and a half for Memorial Day! <BR> <BR> You wouldn't know by looking outside that it was Memorial day though. Grey and rainy for the next 6 days. Sigh.. The worst part is that I just got a new mp3 player and filled it with a bunch of awesome new songs to keep me going during my jogs. It sort of makes me depressed to think about it. I really do love jogging... Mon, 31 May 2010 11:16:23 EST Today was a lesson in change. Today I came home frazzled, frustrated and beat. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and watch the last half of 20/20 on hulu. But NO! I said to myself. This is what you always do. You try to negotiate with yourself. "Just this once"... "But I had a hard day at work". .."But my shoulder is sore." <BR> <BR> Change is not doing the same thing you always do, and I've always tried to change by pulling the same crap I always do. And I didn't even realize it. I mean I changed my eating habits ... Sun, 30 May 2010 11:38:56 EST 4th day of Shred + American Idol = Win! Day 4 of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. She still kicks my butt but I'm not groaning AS much. Oh, and everything hurts. A good kind of hurt though. <BR> <BR> I got home from work and my thighs still hurt from yesterday so I started talking myself out of working out but I made it through the self sabotage nonsense and pushed forward. That is what separates the girls from the women, ladies, lol. <BR> <BR> I weighed myself yesterday and by some strange force I managed to gain back the po... Tue, 25 May 2010 11:13:54 EST Crazy good day! Well right when I got home I threw in the 30 Day Shred dvd and worked it out. Booya! Then I drank some water and jumped into bed. 6 hours later (I wanted to sleep 8 but I couldn't fall back asleep after waking up to pee) I got on the bus to do some food shopping. I got tonight's dinner and tomorrows dinner. <BR> <BR> Then I came home, surfed the internet a bit. I'm a news junkie but the story about little 4 year old Ethan Stacy just about killed me. I swear, there is a lot of evil in this w... Mon, 24 May 2010 00:15:11 EST BACK AGAIN Well, I'm only two sizes smaller than my Grandma. And I love her dearly but that's not me. I used to be a size 4 and now I'm fitting into size 10 clothes. It's depressing. So the last 6 days I've been on a health binge. <BR> <BR> I've done a few exercise videos. My favorite is Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I've started tracking my food and making better choices. We went to this malt shop and burger grill for dinner and guess what I got? A Gardenburger with no mayo and a side salad instead... Fri, 21 May 2010 14:22:51 EST %$#@ So I know my last entry was about me getting back from taking a break from sparkpeople but I guess I lied unintentionally because I ended up extending that break by another two moths and now I've gained a bit of weight. I havent even weighed myself but my clothes are starting to get tight again, even my "fat" jeans. <BR> <BR> Ugh. I hate these ups and downs with my weight. Its so frustrating. Its like climbing up a hill and then falling back down every time you think you'll make it to the t... Wed, 27 May 2009 09:01:51 EST back from an impromptu break... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well, I said I was gonna start an exercise routine and I did the opposite. I actually took a few days off from Sparkpeople (a Sparkbreak if you will) and that seemed to clear my head a bit. I think I just got too wrapped up in the micro management of my eating. <BR> <BR> Today was weigh in day and Im at 132.5 which is much better than the 134 I almost cried over a few days ago, of course it means a gain from m... Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:43:35 EST Mommy issues <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So I decided to weigh myself 2 days early because the last week has been quite a downhill slope. So today I felt the need to start over. Im at 134 ( I was at 130.5 on Monday) and I attribute that to my recent "I dont care attitude" and at this rate Im not gonna get to my goal by my birthday so this is turn around day. <BR> <BR> Im starting a workout routine, today. Maybe by my traditional weigh in day (Monday) I wil... Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:04:11 EST Wednesday night drinking. So the other day I decided that since I hadnt drank in a long time I would treat myself to a few drinks and make Wednesday my free day. My God! I drank way too much and ended up waking up with a headache and nausea. Bad move. At least now I know my limit. 3 and a half drinks. Any more than that and Im toast. I probably wont drink for another few months, lol. Which is a good thing since the calories in alcohol are not kind. But gosh I love Mike's Hard Lemonade. Oh well. <BR> <BR> Today Im go... Fri, 13 Mar 2009 11:02:46 EST 9.5 pounds lost in 10 weeks. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I lost half a pound this week, lol. Soooo close to 130 lbs its riiculous. But at least I lost weight. Like the quote on my sparkpage says "Progress has little to do with speed but much to do with direction". Im happy. <BR> <BR> Rode my bike to the grocery store yesterday. I should have brought a hat and gloves because it was sunny outside but that did not affect the temperature. I was freezing and my hands were froz... Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:33:30 EST Progress (and ice cream) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Ive been doing okay calorie wise since I decided to be kinder to myself. I havent officially changed my calorie range in the nutrition tracker but I allow myself to eat anywhere from 1500 to 2000 calories and Im doing much better with staying on track. Staying in this range Im still losing weight (albeit still slow) but I dont have those horrible "Im so freakin hungry from starving myself the last three days that Im j... Sat, 7 Mar 2009 04:50:08 EST 9 lbs in 9 weeks. So today I hit 131 despite me thinking I had for sure gained weight. I guess the whole tracking calories helps even when I go over more than half the days. This makes me think maybe I should up the calorie range because it may be too low but Im not sure. Some days I eat less than 1200 calories and some days I eat around 2000. This up and down drives me crazy. I know its good to vary your daily calorie intake but an 800 calorie jump from day to day seems stupid. Ugh. <BR> <BR> But I should b... Tue, 3 Mar 2009 06:34:43 EST anxiety The last few days I was really good. I was back on track but then I wasnt. I caved in. The peanut butter and graham crackers did me in. I dont know I just have this under the surface anxiety that manages to get the best of me at the worst times. im worried about money and relatives and life and boyfriends. And I lost my cell phone. i have no idea where it is. And all those things came together the last 2 or 3 days to bring me down. Growing up food was a source of comfort and now its such a pa... Mon, 2 Mar 2009 04:23:41 EST the amazing couch repair (with pics) Just had to brag about my morning accomplishment! <BR> <BR> Okay, so about a year ago my old roommate moved out and took her cat with her. I was heartbroken, I loved that cat. But it was hers. So I got a new roommate, John. He's awesome but alas he did not have a cat so I decided I was gonna get one for myself. It was around Christmas time and my boyfriend surprised me by taking me to the Humane Society one day and telling me to pick out a cat. I fell in love with this awesome looking Norw... Wed, 25 Feb 2009 12:53:51 EST My Big Fat Boyfriend <img src=""> <BR> <BR> 2 Day streak of staying within my calorie range. Yay! I feel like Im back on track. Hopefully I can keep it going. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I see Travis and when he's around I never do as well with the diet. He eats whatever he sees mindlessly and doesnt gain a pound. I know Im not alone in having a boyfriend that sabotages my willpower. Saw a book the other day called "My Big Fat Boyfriend ~ How to Stay Thin When Dating ... Wed, 25 Feb 2009 03:42:15 EST Being bad. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> ~ Yesterday was a funny day. i should be dissappointed but I'm not really. A little I guess. <BR> <BR> Taco bell screwed up my order AGAIN! I asked for two spicy chicken soft tacos and they gave me two spicy chicken burritos. Spicy chicken soft tacos= 170 calories, Spicy Chicken burritos= 400 calories. Ouch. <BR> <BR> Then I came home and was starving for some reason and I thought to myself Im already at 900 calor... Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:24:41 EST Dinner and a movie. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well yesterday was not so great. Went 700 calories over. It was the Orange Chicken Salad at Shari's restaurant that I went to with my parents. I'm getting used to this whole "failure" thing. At least Im not the weight I was when I started then I'd really feel like a failure. <BR> <BR> But todays another day. Starting over again. At some point its got to get easier right? I hope so. I got the salad thinking it might c... Sat, 21 Feb 2009 08:07:06 EST Not giving up <BR> <BR> Well yesterday I'd say I was pretty good. I did go over but only by 200 calories so I'm not gonna stress. I blame it on the loaf of filone bread I bought for dinner. I got one of those frozen meals for two (see food log) and it was actually really good but I knew it wouldn't fill Trav up so I got some bread too and ate half the loaf. The loaf was very small though, only 6 oz of bread, so it didn't set me back too much. Funny thing is Trav didn't even eat all of his chicken and pas... Thu, 19 Feb 2009 06:56:02 EST First day back was a success! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I stayed under 1300 calories, drank 8 glasses of water and even got some fruit in! Woot! Its nice to be back in the groove. <BR> <BR> Ive been slacking on the whole exercising thing. Mostly because I have so much to do around the apartment that I its hard to just expend all this energy on a revolving belt to nowhere (aka a treadmill). I dont know. I do try to get in exercise in by walking to the grocery store and cl... Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:36:40 EST I'm back! So Im feeling MUCH MUCH better. OMG! I hate being sick! At one point I felt so horrible that I started crying. Yeah, Im lame. But anyways, I can truly appreciate the feeling of being normal/healthy now. <BR> <BR> Bad news is that I gained 3 lbs over the weekend. Meh, Im not too worried. I know its due to me a) eating a bunch of Valentine's candy and b) eating a whole bunch of food cause I was sick and food made me feel a smidgen better. <BR> <BR> The important thing is that I survived! Im... Tue, 17 Feb 2009 09:50:07 EST i'm sick <img src=""> <BR> <BR> so I feel horrible and sick and stuffy and exhausted <BR> like a train hit me and then decided to park in my nose <BR> I've abandoned spark for the last two days and hopefully will back full force monday <BR> gah! Sun, 15 Feb 2009 11:06:25 EST Running around all day Well, yesterday was an odd day. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> First thing in the morning I had a meeting/ breakfast at work. I WAS gonna get the fruit bowl, I swear BUT then my coworker was all "get the french toast so I dont feel like a pig". So me, being really really hungry at the time, got the french toast. But I only ate two pieces, not all three. <BR> <BR> Then I came home and cleaned for a couple hours which made me feel good. ... Fri, 13 Feb 2009 06:22:08 EST So yeah... Yesterday was an off day. It started with the chocolate. I was putting together little valentines candy bags for my coworkers and I gave in to the temptation. The problem with me is that I when I give in I dont just say "one piece and I'll be fine" I have to have like six or seven. Its a good thing they were miniature. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src="http://p... Thu, 12 Feb 2009 08:39:24 EST snow, pedicure, and pasta Yesterday was a good day. Sort of eventful. Got to walk home in the snow! It was pretty. And thank god it melted fast. Everything shuts down when there's snow on the ground. Its ridiculous. So many people stay home from work and act like the world is coming to an end. It amazes me that so few have chains or don't think to use the bus. In December we had snow on the ground for about a week, which I admit is very unusual, but seriously its not rocket science, the buses have chains, just go to w... Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:15:41 EST 5 pounds this week! OMG <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well, yesterday was weigh in day and I have big news! I lost five pounds! I'm at 131 pounds. I dont know how I went from losing less than a pound for five weeks in a row and then all of a sudden 5 pounds in one week. I think it had something to do with my period. I know I always gain weight right before my period and then lose it after, but still, wow. Thats way more progress than I was expecting. <BR> <BR> I like we... Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:43:01 EST Lazy day <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday was pretty slow. I took it easy, played on the computer a bit, and then started working on making valentines for my coworkers. They are coming out really cute. And I havent spent any money on valentine supplies, Im using only items I already have at home. Maybe I'll take a picture of them and post them. <BR> <BR> Today is weigh in day. I'm expecting a loss. Hopefully a full pound. Period is over and I've b... Mon, 9 Feb 2009 03:46:14 EST Shopping spree <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I bought a digital camera. Really cute little pink Samsung. It was 133 dollars and thats with the extra batteries, case, 2 gb memory card, and tax. I could have saved a little if I got it somewhere else but I sort of wanted to help out my old friends/ coworkers at Radioshack and give them my sale. I havent had a digital camera for a year due to a) my sister breaking the viewing screen (she didnt completely break it th... Sun, 8 Feb 2009 06:54:29 EST Mmmm....frozen yogurt <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a good day. We went to Sharis to eat. I ordered the Gardenburger and a side of fruit instead of fries. I was very happy with myself. Afterwards we went to the mall and I got a new purse. Its a nice bright turquoise color and is the perfect size. It fits my lunch and my wallet and everything else (I carry a lot of crap around, things I think I "need"). Then after shopping we stopped and had frozen yogurt.... Sat, 7 Feb 2009 10:53:48 EST More meh <BR> <BR> Did well yesterday with a a total of 1534 calories. Almost went over but I slept for most of the afternoon, which is a good way to keep your mind off food, lol. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Today I need to pick up my paycheck, pay a few bills and Im thinking me and Travis should go out for lunch/ dinner tonight. Which will be nice. I'll ask him where he wants to go when he wakes up. <BR> <BR> I was supposed to go see my ... Fri, 6 Feb 2009 06:23:01 EST An impromptu "free" day <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday I went over my calorie range by about 500 calories so I'm gonna make Wednesday my "free" day. Also some point this weekend I'm gonna try to make the effort to burn 500 calories more than I usually do. <BR> <BR> Most sites are telling me that to burn an extra 500 calories Im gonna need to fit in an hour to two hours of aerobic activity. Hmmm, well I'll see what I can do. I've sort of been protesting the wh... Thu, 5 Feb 2009 04:25:25 EST Its my Friday! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have two days off! Yays! Im so ready for my weekend. Only bad thing is that I started my period today but I dont get cramps like some do and PMS mood swings were last week so I'm good. I just am not a big fan of the whole tampon routine. Its annoying. <BR> <BR> Im going to see Travis tonight and Im bringing pizza. Which I am really looking forward to. Ive been really good about my diet this week. Hopefully that wi... Wed, 4 Feb 2009 11:32:57 EST Half a pound! Woot! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So I lost half a pound. Im so glad because I seriously thought I wouldnt have lost anything. 4 pounds in 5 weeks, thats like .8 lbs a week, and Im pretty happy with that rate of weight loss. <BR> <BR> Im doing better at getting my water in. Ten glasses yesterday. And my willpower has gotten stronger. I havent really been working out, in the traditional sense but Im trying to work in more activity in my daily coming... Tue, 3 Feb 2009 04:48:17 EST Sweet alone time <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've realized how much I enjoy my time alone. I like it when the apartment is empty and nobody is there to bug me or get in my way or move things around or dirty up dishes. I dont know what Im gonna do when Trav moves in. I guess though, Ill have the mornings to myself since he works early in the morning so thats good. <BR> <BR> I've been thinking about how to rearrange the bedroom to fit Trav's desk. Ive been tryin... Mon, 2 Feb 2009 10:59:01 EST Trying to get back to normal <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Its day 2 of working alone at the desk. And to top it off, its the end of the month which means I have twice as much paperwork on top of the responsibilities of two people so yeah, not so cool. The good thing is that Im all alone, its rather quiet and subsequently peaceful so Im managing to get a little bit more done than usual. <BR> <BR> Of course it is Saturday and we have a wedding party staying in house that ins... Sun, 1 Feb 2009 07:00:19 EST