ASEERAL's SparkPeople Blog ASEERAL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Defense Mode So my son was diagnosed with Autism at the beginning of 2014. (Would have been Aspergers if the term was still being used.) I had suspected it for a while, so it wasn't a huge surprise. I had started to learn some things about it, but began a greater search for things after he was diagnosed that would help my son. <BR> <BR> One thing I have learned in that search is how his senses are much more sensitive than mine. And also that his ability to filter out all the information his senses ar... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 19:15:28 EST Starting Over It seems like I do this quite a lot. I try, I fail, I start over. Then I try I fail and I start over. Somewhere I get discouraged, give up for a while, and then feel the desire to try again. Then the stresses of life take over and it feels too overwhelming to try to make myself healthy when everyone and everything else needs my attention. Then I have anxiety, doubt myself, decide it isn't worth it and sink to the bottom for a while. Then I see someone I know lose a bunch of weight, and ... Mon, 30 Dec 2013 23:17:45 EST Future Me There are times, when I'm laying in bed, or just sort of daydreaming, that I wonder what it would be like to be at the end of my weight loss journey instead of at the beginning. What would it feel like? What would I be doing? And so I thought I would write about a few of those things I could see myself doing. <BR> <BR> First I think I would have more confidence in myself. I could walk in to any store and try on clothes. I could go into any activity or party, and feel like I was my best... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 11:01:52 EST Forgiving Myself I have always had an easy time forgiving other people who have hurt me. I may feel pain for a short time, but I let it go. And by the next time I see them, I treat them as though nothing ever happened. I guess I don't like to hold on to those negative feelings towards others. <BR> <BR> However, when it comes to myself, I hold on to mistakes for a long time. I feel the guilt, and the negative thinking tells me how awful I am. I obsess over the issue. And so when I saw the challenge of ... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:58:20 EST Victory over negative Thinking I struggle so much with an anxiety disorder, that really seems to attract negative thinking about myself. I let myself wander into the "What if's" about everything. And I often come to conclusions that are way over the top, that cause me to worry when it isn't worth worrying about. I spend a lot of time, thinking I know what someone else is thinking of me. And it causes me to think the worst about myself. I spend a lot of time, thinking I will never be what I want to be, because I'm no... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 11:43:01 EST BLC 21 Here I come So it is the night before a new BLC challenge. I'm both excited and nervous. <BR> <BR> I'm excited because it means new friends, new challenges, a lot of support on my journey and new expectations. I'm excited because in my mind I can see myself succeeding and being 12 pounds less on the scale, and making progress towards my ultimate goal. <BR> <BR> However, I'm nervous because I have been here before. I have started new challenges before, with great excitement and determination on... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 21:35:43 EST A New Year A New Me I was struggling with my emotional thinking, stresses and excuses so much that I decided to take a break for a few months from my journey to work more on my emotional health. I knew I could never succeed at the weight loss until I did so. The break did relieve some of the pressure and stress I put on myself, but I admit I also gained weight, because I wasn't being accountable. <BR> <BR> But now it is a new year, a chance to renew commitments, set new goals, and make new plans. So I'm back... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 12:24:49 EST Emotional choices I have known for a while that I am addicted to food and to TV. It is where I run when life is hard. Because it is much easier to be lazy, to sit in front of the TV and eat, pretending you don't have to deal with your stress or pain. It is much easier to use excuses that I'm too tired, or I will never succeed so why try. But the problem is, that the choices to run to food and T.V. leaves me sitting on the sidelines of life. It causes me to gain more weight, and get more unhealthy. I may... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:44:27 EST The Future Me So for a BLC challenge we were asked to Blog about how we see ourselves in the future so.... <BR> <BR> <BR> I will be around 125 pounds which will put me at a healthy BMI. I will wear around a size 8. I will feel strong, and happy, and feel great joy of a goal reached. <BR> <BR> Activity <BR> <BR> I will run around with my son playing soccer, basketball, or whatever other sport he wants me to play. (Maybe I'll try some new sports) I will hike around all the fun hikes near where I live ... Thu, 17 May 2012 00:41:12 EST Finding Strength Well Week 1 of BLC 19 is over, and I had an amazing week. <BR> <BR> First of all, I got 203 minutes of exercise which exceeded my goal by 53 minutes. So maybe I don't have to move up as slowly as I listed in my goals. I will readjust and set my goal to 180 minutes this next week instead of 160 I was going to set it at. <BR> <BR> Second, I tracked all my food and stayed in range 7/7 days! <BR> <BR> Third, Water, I got at least 8 cups 6/7 days! (This is still a bit hard for me) <BR> <B... Wed, 2 May 2012 17:09:40 EST BLC 19 Goals Since I'm finally realizing this journey is about me, I am going to make this plan for me. <BR> <BR> Cardio - I want to set a goal and then just increase it by 5 to 10 minutes each week I may easily surpass those numbers, or it might be difficult. I can always adjust the goals later, if I find them too easy, or too hard. My ultimate goal will be to get 360 minutes a week (or in other words 60 minutes a day 6 times per week) So here are my goals per week ( I won't get to the ultimate goa... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:04:35 EST Not Fitting In So when I take a shower it is sort of my quiet "me" time away from everything else. I often do my most deep thinking. I often reach conclusions and understandings that I may have not thought about before. With BLC 19 starting and a weekend challenge to Blog our goals and plans, it got me thinking about this new round as well as the past ones I have been a part of. I keep wondering why I'm still on this journey and not getting to my goals when I have had plenty of time to do so. But wi... Fri, 27 Apr 2012 15:14:45 EST Letting Myself and others Down I have been doing some thinking lately, and realized that I am always so worried about letting people down. And if I don't accomplish what I think they are expecting of me, I feel I have to have some excuse for why I let them down. I'm so afraid of having some one disappointed or upset with me. I really hate confrontations or disharmony. And some of the time the expectations I think others have of me, are really just inside my own head, and may not even be what they really expect (for exam... Sat, 17 Mar 2012 16:49:09 EST Time to fight back! I have started so many challenges. I start strong, but by the 3rd or 4th week I let the old habits back in, and then I pretty much give up until the end of the challenge. I might still post the minimum requirements, or try to do one or two things here and there, mostly to try to rid myself of guilt of not really trying. But really I have just given up. <BR> <BR> I feel like I am just not good at finishing what I start. I don't know if it is because the task turns into more work than I exp... Wed, 22 Feb 2012 11:35:13 EST Finding Freedom I have struggled and struggled with weight loss. I have thought about why I fail, and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. But then I would go through cycle after cycle trying, failing, giving up, feeling down for a while, and then trying again. I think I heard a quote once (not sure who it is by) that said if you keep doing the same things over and over again, you will get the same result. So I decided it was time for a change. I needed to do something different this year and... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:30:19 EST Letting Life get in the way I started a new BLC challenge doing okay. I tried a lot harder to not put so much pressure on myself, or strive for perfection, just to make improvements and achieve small goals. But it is funny how when life starts to place obstacles in your path, and it is so easy to forget about your goals and just focus on the obstacles. <BR> <BR> For Example, I had a very flexible part time job, that I really enjoyed. I usually just spent Wednesday at the office and did a little work from home. Howe... Thu, 20 Oct 2011 12:01:37 EST Update on Goal Progress I have to admit, that I haven't been perfect in my goals, in fact some are still lacking quite a bit, but I realized that the point of a goal, is to give you something to aim for, and the fact that I'm not perfect in my goals yet, means I have something to work toward, not that I have failed. I think after my last blog I really let go of a huge burden I had placed on myself, and so even though I have had my struggles, I don't feel like a failure, and I'm not wanting to just give up either. ... Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:01:57 EST Discovering the reason for my failures & setting new goals! ***Warning This is a Long Post *** <BR> <BR> I have been a part of many challenges and teams over the past 4 years since my son was born. 4 years is plenty of time to have achieved my goals and yet I have been stuck for a long time. I have found myself starting a new challenge full of excitement. I lose just a few pounds, and then it seems I get distracted, or discouraged, and I let the emotional side take over and I eat and gain back those few pounds, and pretty much give up for the res... Sat, 27 Aug 2011 13:08:08 EST A quick change of mind I was really tired tonight when I got home from work having survived a heavy tax day. I had told my 3 year old we would go to a little carnival that set up in our town for the weekend. So I didn't take time for dinner since I was running behind and my husband, my little boy and I headed out the door. At the carnival, my 3 year old had a blast riding the little cars, motorcycles, spinning strawberries and the carousel. I could smell so much food, I started to really want one of the funnel ... Sat, 16 Apr 2011 01:20:50 EST The Way I think.... Have you ever just reached the point where you feel like you have tried long enough on something and it is time to just accept reality and move on...well I feel in part that is where my mind is at, and I just can't seem to get past it and some other thinking patterns. <BR> <BR> I have been watching the Losing it with Jillian shows each week and have found that all the thinking patterns that have come out on the shows by the different family members have very much been what I feel. <BR> <BR>... Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:01:40 EST Starting BLC 13 I have really een strugglng lately to get anywhere on my weight loss journey. I'm good at making up excuses to make myself feel better about why I'm not doing what I should. If I had not wasted so much time making up excuses and just doing what I needed to do, I'm sure that I would have reached my goal by now, and I wouldn't be losing and gaining the same couple of pounds. I would be strong, and able to do so much more because my energy would be greater. <BR> <BR> As I start a new round,... Fri, 7 May 2010 21:52:23 EST My Conflicts Sometimes I just don't really understand myself... <BR> <BR> I have good reasons to lose weight like <BR> <BR> Not being out of breath when I play with my child <BR> Being able to clean my entire house and not feel I have to rest after each thing I clean <BR> Being Healthy enough in case we get pregnant with Child #2 <BR> Avoiding Type 2 diabetes like my dad and sister have <BR> Gaining more Confidence in myself <BR> <BR> And I have the tools like <BR> Sparkpeople <BR> The Spark book <BR> ... Sun, 28 Feb 2010 09:52:40 EST Starting Stats for Boot Camp Starting Weight: 225.5 (1/3/09) <BR> Body Fat 47% <BR> BMI 39.2 <BR> <BR> Measurements <BR> <BR> Bust - 46.5 <BR> Waist - 38.5 <BR> Hip - 51.5 <BR> Thigh - 31 <BR> Arm - 13.25 <BR> Calf -16.75 <BR> Total Inches = 197.5 <BR> <BR> Okay so I'm not really liking these numbers, but that is all about to change. I will be participating in the Boot Camp challenge, A challenge on the Stop Team and BLC 12. I'm looking forward to taking measurements again, to see what I can accomplish!! Here is als... Mon, 4 Jan 2010 00:05:54 EST A new beginning Today is a new beginning. I leave behind the failures, the negative thoughts and emotions, and begin again to make 2010 anything I want it to be. I believe in myself. I have set my goals to create a brighter future for myself. I pledge today to become a happy, healthier me! I leave behind the girl that I was, and become the new me. I want to make good eating choices. I want to give my body the exercise it needs. I want to give my body the water it needs. I want to give my body the re... Fri, 1 Jan 2010 11:44:43 EST 2010 MY YEAR OF CHANGE 2009 was a year that was full of disappointments, depression, anxiety, fear, and lack of motivation. It was a year in which I wanted to give up and did give up on some things. But as I get ready to start 2010, I am looking ahead, with new desire, new energy, and a plan to change. I know that if I keep on the same path as the path I was on, a change will not come, so it is time for a new plan and here is my plan. <BR> <BR> <BR> GOALS FOR 2010 <BR> <BR> 1 - Drink 8 cups of water daily!!! <B... Tue, 29 Dec 2009 23:38:27 EST I DESERVE TO SUCCEED!!!! Most of my progress is not what is showing up on the scale, but the fight with my negative thinking and creating the thinking patterns I need to be successful. <BR> <BR> I often feel I am taking 2 steps forward and one step back. I have some really good days where I win my battle with depression and negative thinking and I get out there exercising eating right and getting a lot done. Then a stressful event takes place (such as paying bills and realizing I don't quite have enough money) and... Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:04:29 EST My Fitness History I have struggled with weight my entire life. I was shy and a little awkward growing up and didn't really feel like I was that good at sports. My family had always been big into music, but except for one of my brothers, most of us didn't do a lot with sports or fitness. <BR> <BR> As a child my mom did put me in some dance classes, that I loved. I ended up taking clogging for a few years, and believe that is why I wasn't more overweight than I could have been at that time. I loved the thr... Tue, 6 Oct 2009 11:51:49 EST Getting Rid of Negative Thinking So today I woke up a bit earlier than I have been lately and felt quite a bit better just from putting my thoughts into words on my blog. I picked up the Book Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David D Burns, M.D. that my Sister-in-law let me borrow. It's main focus is on Defeating Depression and changing your thinking. <BR> <BR> In short what I read said that you feel the way you think, that most bad feelings come from illogical thoughts and that you can change the way you feel. <BR> <BR> In m... Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:48:26 EST Fighting Anxiety & Depression For about 6 weeks I felt so tired, I just couldn't get up early to exercise. Not only that but I just didn't have the ability to even get through the day. I mostly sat watching T.V. and only did the most important things that I absolutely had to get done. I began to think I must be low on iron, or B-12 or that my Thyroid was having problems. I went to a doctor and he ran a bunch of Blood Tests to check for deficiencies, blood sugar levels and some other stuff. Everything came back norma... Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:14:07 EST Emotional Connection to Food Okay it has been a long time since I last wrote a blog. But I'm starting to wonder if I started writing more blogs or journal enteries, if it would help me see my struggles and my progress. <BR> <BR> I have continued to struggle. I did really well for about 3 weeks a few months ago losing around 7 pounds, only to have something trigger me to return to my old habits, and at this moment I have gained back those 7 pounds. <BR> <BR> I was playing around on the internet and found an artic... Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:07:07 EST My Independence It is time to declare my independence from being overweight. I am determined that I will be successful, and that the overweight side of me will not win. I am going to make the changes that I need to make in order to be successful and healthy! I did indulge on the 4th of July, and it made me realize that is not how I want to be. I want something more for myself, than to be tied to eating junk food, or overeating. I want to be able to walk/run/play with my son without getting out of breath... Mon, 7 Jul 2008 14:37:48 EST Progress After I wrote that last blog entry, I actually went into a bit of a rebellion against being healthy and didn't exercise and ate way too much junk food. I felt awful, and I decided I didn't like the way I was feeling. I also saw some family members who have been very successful with their weight loss. I decided then that if they could do it why couldn't I? And I certainly like how I feel better when I'm healthy. So I started making a list of my downfalls, and some steps I need to make to ... Mon, 5 May 2008 23:00:44 EST Realization - Help! The couple of times I have succeeded at losing weight were times when I had a lot of fun things going on in my life. Before I got married there were college activities, roomate nights or movies at friends houses. I also had the money to buy a few fun things or some new clothes. <BR> <BR> As I was thinking about this yesterday I realized why I seem to be failing in my weight loss. Right now we are having financial stress. My husband went through a couple of lay offs in the past couple of ... Thu, 1 May 2008 12:02:00 EST Trying to move forward I just participated in a 10 week challenge and ended up gaining a half a pound by the time it was over. I like the challenges because it gives me more motivation to want to succeed, but I'm still missing that extra push I guess to really make me work hard at being healthy. Before I eat something I often think, is this going to help me get to my goal. I'll say "no" but then it is like I don't care enough about my goal to stop myself and I eat it anyway. I do the same thing with exercise. ... Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:47:20 EST Trying to figure out why? I have put in almost double the exercise this past week as normal and it feels great, but the scale isn't moving. I guess it is time to work on my nutrition now. The problem is, I think I'm emotionally tied to food, because I can plan to eat healthy, and about half way through the day, it all goes out the window and I find myself, eating and eating. Sometimes it is junk food and sometimes it is healthy food, but it takes me way over my calorie limits. I wish I could figure out what the emo... Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:37:25 EST Look for the Positive So yesterday morning. I was feeling depressed about the scale not moving and my failures. But at the end of the day, I looked back and realized the efforts I had made. I had stayed in my calorie range and took my baby on a 15 minute walk. Maybe those things aren't huge events, but they were positive things that I did. I realized I can't control what the scale says, but I can control the little things like getting some exercise, drinking my water and eating right. And so now I intend to s... Sat, 12 Jan 2008 21:14:55 EST Restart Okay so, I didn't do too well between the time I had my baby and the end of the year. I guess I'm just lucky that my weight didn't go up too much, but as is the usual case it is a new year with new years resolution. I don't want to just make resolutions that I don't keep, so I intend to be more involved on sparkpeople and really make the efforts to see success in 2008. Exercise, healthy eating and drinking my water here I come!!!! Fri, 4 Jan 2008 13:24:39 EST Up and Down I feel like I am going up and down the same partial pound. I'm struggling finding time to exercise with my newborn, and I'm struggling with eating healthy because it is hard to eat healthy on a strict budget because it costs more. I feel like I am really struggling just trying to really get started and to see some success. I hope I can get this figured out soon. Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:40:46 EST Back to Work Well I had my baby in August by C -section, but I have now been given the go ahead to get back to my exercise. I gained 50 pounds during pregnancy ouch! I have since lost 25 of those pounds, but I have another 25 pounds to get rid of plus the 30 - 40 pounds I was trying to still lose before I got pregnant, so I have a lot of work ahead of me, but hopefully Sparkpeople will help me with that. I know I lost 30 pounds the last time I was on here, so here we go! Fri, 5 Oct 2007 17:25:32 EST Pregnant One of my main reasons for losing weight was for pregnancy. I have PCOS which has made getting pregnant difficult. I found out by losing weight it could lessen the infertillity problems associated with PCOS. Well I lost nearly 30 pounds and I guess it worked, because on Nov 30, I found out I am pregnant and due on Aug 1st. <BR> <BR> My goal now is not to lose weight, but I hope to maintain my weight for the first 3 months and then only gain 1/2 to 1 pound a week after that. I'm finding ... Tue, 5 Dec 2006 11:57:09 EST A Bad Eating Week The Thanksgiving holiday was tough, because there were so many different pies and goodies to eat. I went in with a plan to only eat a small amount and one small piece of pie, but I didn't do very well holding to my plan. I think I had about 3000 calories and Thanksgiving day! Yikes! <BR> <BR> However that wasn't my only problem this week. My husband lost his job, and suddenly the stress and depression set in. I soon found myself not caring what I ate, and gave into all my cravings for sa... Mon, 27 Nov 2006 12:51:58 EST Social Eating We had a suprise party for my inlaws anniversary. There was a chocolate fountain and lots of goodies to dip in it. That of course was not the only temptation of my weekend at the inlaws. <BR> <BR> I find that I still have trouble avoiding those temptations when I'm with a lot of people at a party and everyone is enjoying the treats. I don't know exactly why it is so difficult, but I always find myself indulging. I really don't think anyone would make fun of me if I chose not to eat th... Mon, 20 Nov 2006 15:43:35 EST Ups & Downs of Emotional Eating I had a small victory this week. I had an emotional day and wanted to eat everything in site. But instead I sat down at the piano and let go of the emotion through music. I was really happy with myself that I could overcome the emotional eating. <BR> <BR> However on another day this week, I was having a bad day and ended up sitting in front of the T.V. eating candy and cookies and other snack foods. <BR> <BR> I realized this will be a constant struggle with me with lots of ups and downs.... Mon, 13 Nov 2006 15:58:16 EST Still Difficult Even though I have been on sparkpeople for a while now, there are still those days, that despite knowing how to be healthy I choose to not be. Sometimes it is so frustrating to find myself so caught up in cravings, that they win out over more healthy choices. Yesterday, I just couldn't resist making some nachos and eating some leftover Halloween candy (chocolate). I don't want to get down on myself, because I know we all struggle, but, sometimes I wonder why we make bad choices when we kno... Mon, 6 Nov 2006 12:44:18 EST 6 Months Wow I can't believe I have been on sparkpeople for 6 months now! Although the weight is coming off slowly, I am happy with my progress. Before I joined sparkpeople, I don't think I believed in myself enough to actually lose the weight and get healthy. But now I'm just plugging along. I still have bad days and good days, but what I do know is how to not let a few bad days ruin my efforts or make me give up and quit. If I have learned anything in the last 6 months it is how to pick myself up an... Thu, 2 Nov 2006 17:38:58 EST Endless Eating Last night, I got home from work. My husband was going to be late getting home and told me to just fix myself something for dinner. I started making something healthy like some whole wheat pasta, but I was so hungry that first I had some cashews, then it moved into baked doritos and then I ate a double portion of dinner. When my hubby got home he wanted ice cream and so then I had a bowl of ice cream. And I just never seem to get full! I drank all my water too!!! It seems there are tim... Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:16:52 EST