ARMATTHAEI's SparkPeople Blog ARMATTHAEI's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Falling into Place I never wanted to do home health. It looked so boring and mostly about w Oki und care, never really my thing. After almost 2 months of orientation to this area of nursing I am learning to enjoy the challenges that come with this line of work, from cliets not being at home to those thatvdon't want to take responsibility to help make/keep themselves healthy. <BR> <BR> I know I am no choir girl when it comes to healthy living. I guess you could say that is why I am back here. I hqve also sta... Sat, 19 Oct 2013 18:32:55 EST Patience my Child With a "Get Her Done" attitude, which seems to involve everything but taking care of my own health and well-being, I don't like waiting around for things to happen, for decisions to be made, or for results to improve. I think Mother should have had my middle name be Impatience. <BR> <BR> About a month ago, I was dismissed from my job at the city hospital during my probationary period. I was actually releived for that to have happened, as I felt I was compromising patient care and being expec... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 04:27:09 EST Remove the Clouds; There is enough fog. 10 years from now, what will be life be like? <BR> <BR> I am hoping that I have completed or am about to complete my advanced education. I am hoping that I am living a healthier life. I would love to be sharing my life with a family of some sort, but right now have a hard time visualizing what that would look like. I want to be more active and less afraid of the many opportunities that this world offers. <BR> <BR> On the work front, I would like to be using my adnvaced degree by doing res... Sun, 5 May 2013 12:17:14 EST Remove the Clouds; There is enough fog. 10 years from now, what will be life be like? <BR> <BR> I am hoping that I have completed or am about to complete my advanced education. I am hoping that I am living a healthier life. I would love to be sharing my life with a family of some sort, but right now have a hard time visualizing what that would look like. I want to be more active and less afraid of the many opportunities that this world offers. <BR> <BR> On the work front, I would like to be using my adnvaced degree by doing res... Sun, 5 May 2013 12:17:14 EST Everything is working out! I hope? Okay this may not be the working out that you thought I was going to talk about, but here I go. <BR> <BR> The end of last week, I found out that I was actually hired as a day shift RN at the city hospital in Nashville. I am so looking forward to having some type of stability in my life, and a "normal" person's routine. The thing is I am also fearful of such change, as I have worked mostly nights throughout my career & am not sure I will be able to keep up with the pace required for day shi... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 21:11:07 EST A to Z about Me A. Are you artistic? <BR> yes <BR> <BR> B. What is your favorite band? <BR> Alabama <BR> <BR> C. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? <BR> red or yellow <BR> <BR> D. If you were not a nurse, what would your dream job be? <BR> author <BR> <BR> E. What exotic pet would you like to have? <BR> Chinchilla <BR> <BR> F. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? <BR> some chick flick several years ago for my birthday <BR> <BR> G. What is the worst gift you have ever received... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 21:09:34 EST Humility vs Humbleness Humility-The embarrassment of not reaching a goal. <BR> <BR> Humbleness-The acceptance of a result. Allowing lessons learned from this result to assist you in the next step in your goal setting process. <BR> <BR> <BR> None of us like to be humiliated, by not achieving the grand goals that we often set for ourselves. Some of us don't even care to face such times as growth opportunities. <BR> <BR> I think of the pride with which I graduated high school and college with honors. I think of ... Sun, 31 Mar 2013 19:47:57 EST Back to Work Over the last couple weeks, I have gotten back to work. I am currently working with 2 staffing agencies, when I would rather have a full time job with benefits, but I am seeing that I seem to have a lot more energy with what I am doing now than when I wasn't working. <BR> <BR> Last weekend and this weekend, I will work 2 day shifts at an area nursing home. With this I have been doing a couple of long term care insurance nursing assessments each week. I am enjoying the traveling to different ... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 15:41:15 EST Desperation or Dreams The last couple of weeks have just fueled my depression, as I realize that I got to get a job soon, so that I can continue to pay the bills. I really don't want to do much about finding a job, seems it should just come to me with my qualifications and having been looking exclusively for 2 months, was looking before also. <BR> <BR> Today, about 5pm, I finally decided to motivate myself to get up and do some work on SP. This was after reading a couple postings on line while laying on the couc... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 20:10:59 EST The Anti-Sabotage Plan What to do when I am at risk of sabotaging my path to better health? <BR> <BR> I am probably my #1 saboteur. I grew up in a world where food was quite often the reward for a job well done, especially if it had anything to do with making sure I ate my complete meal, drank my milk, didn't complain, but ate a food I did not like. It was also a reward for completion of a hard days work. Getting a special treat for getting the lawn in town mowed, having chopped and or stacked wood for a certain ... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 19:22:58 EST Why take this healthy life style journey? lose weight <BR> <BR> gain energy <BR> <BR> get rid of or diminish depression symptoms (I don't want to keep taking these meds for ever.) <BR> <BR> be a good role model for clients, students, & colleagues (I am a registered nurse.) <BR> <BR> be able to focus more easily <BR> <BR> decrease the possibility of diseases such as heart disease, cancer, bone & joint disorders <BR> <BR> get a great job <BR> <BR> find a special someone to share life with <BR> <BR> <BR> PS-I do still hope to g... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 16:37:43 EST Motivational Poster video to come Beings I spent 10 hours on making my motivational poster, I thought it might be a good to make a video blog to explain it. Unfortunately I won't be able to post it until I get more data time on my computer. Be looking for it between Jan 10 & 15. <BR> <BR> This is the one part of the program that I didn't do in the past, so now I have a physical reminder in my house & a lot of time invested in it alone. I am also going to be displaying it in an area where visitors will see & likely ask about... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 17:27:16 EST Stop Excuses in 10 min I don't want to. <BR> I don't have enough time. <BR> It won't matter. <BR> The weather is too icky. <BR> I don't feel like it. <BR> I'm to tired. <BR> <BR> <BR> The cure: <BR> Promise yourself 10 min of exercise daily. Wed, 2 Jan 2013 15:17:10 EST To run/walk with it I have been having a lot of difficulty getting in even 10 minutes of exercise daily. I blame the drearyweather, cold & rain. I complain of a lack of energy & motivation. I complain that I don't have an exercise companion. All this from someone who has a gym membership, but is afraid that the gym will be too crowded. <BR> <BR> On Christmas Eve some friends at church that organize a training group for the 1/2 marathon in town asked me to join them in it this year. (I actually rained & walked i... Sun, 30 Dec 2012 00:56:57 EST Time to get some "A's." Tired of only making "B's" I need to quite Being Bored, Bogged down, Blue, etc. <BR> <BR> I want to feel Awesome Again, to be Awake to the good things in this world, to feel Alive. I need to get Active to become Attractive to Accelerate in my personal life & career. <BR> <BR> I have often joked with some people that "Balance" is my bad B word, BUT I know to Acheive the Better me that I am looking for I realize that it will need to be part of the equation. It is kind of like the times I wrote to my high school teache... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 20:02:57 EST Crying is Allowed; Hugs are Recommended Just an up-date for those whom remember me and those who want to find out what I am doing now. <BR> <BR> After nearly spending all my savings and starting to struggle with paying the bills, I have finally found a full time job as a RN again. I will be working at an in-patient hospice in the Nashville area, I am still in orientation at this point. Don't even know what my schedule will be for this up-coming week, as I need to meet with the director to finish setting that... Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:30:34 EST Best actress in a reality soap opera. . . My first run at being a nursing home nurse was one of those shortened assignments through the staffing agency. My one-month assignment to an area nursing home as an RN supervising a couple LPN's and about six techs ended after just 1 1/2 weeks. Why? Let's just say, it took me some time, but I realized that I couldn't supervise both LPN's when I was doing a good chunk of the work of one of them. <BR> <BR> Why was I doing most of her work? Let's just say she has her ways of not getting done ... Sat, 4 Jun 2011 04:32:32 EST START & STOP (long) About 1 1/2 weeks have passed since I wrote to you all last. During this time, I remember writing to a friend that I was sick and tired of this crazy cyclical pattern I seem to have fallen into for the past several years. It seems like about the time I have it all together, another mountain appears before me. They seem to spring up about the time the map seems to show me that I am starting across the flat vast plains of the Midwest of my life. I guess it is time for me to draw a new map of th... Wed, 28 Apr 2010 23:15:23 EST It's Just Emotional Growing Pains I find it kind of amazing how each change in my life creates a sense of loss and grief within me. Even changes for the positive create a sadness over the loss of what had been so familiar to me. Over the past month, I have had some of the strangest experiences with this. <BR> <BR> EATING-As I prepare to hear what my peer coach from group therapy recommends I change in my nutritional habits. I am looking forward to the positive change this will lead to, yet have so many fears, increasing my a... Sat, 17 Apr 2010 20:46:11 EST Stressed but not distressed! go home from work sick, go to the emergency room for abdominal pain, emergency surgery, additional procedure to finish the job, then a job loss, great post-surgical appt., then some binge eating, secured a peer coach through my therapy group, more binge eating, on to some emotional journaling evaluating eating habits, a weekend of isolation, trip to the grocery store that included buying a stuffed lamb for comfort, a psychology visit, a psychiatry visit-all the while avoiding seriously lookin... Thu, 1 Apr 2010 19:53:48 EST Job 1: 13-22-The strength of loss and said: <BR> "Naked I came from my mother's womb, <BR> and naked I will depart. <BR> The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; <BR> may the name of the LORD be praised." -Job 1:22 <BR> <BR> I was quite grateful today in my daily devotions to be reading from the book of Job. I have always found this book to be one of inspiration, as it tells me that no matter how "bad" my life may get, I can always rely on God & the fact that there are others out there with ... Wed, 24 Mar 2010 11:54:56 EST Gall(y) Gee! Not been around most if not all of last week, but the last part of the week was not by choice. Wednesday night, I was sent home from work before I even started with abdominal pain, and fainting symptoms of light-headedness, dizziness, and cold sweats. My best friend drove me home only to drive me back to the city less than an hour later to go to the ER to have the severe upper abdominal pain checked into. <BR> <BR> The next thing I knew I was headed to emergency surgery before noon on Thur... Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:09:47 EST Building Dreams on Stable Work As I have over the past several months to a year struggled with my job and finding a job and keeping a job, it feels a little weird that suddenly I am getting into a specialty area that I have been thinking and or trying to get into for the last 4 years. I can't say that I have learned patience from the ordeal, but I do think that I have learned that I cannot expect others to work at my very high standards, which at times I myself cannot obtain. <BR> <BR> I am hoping that settling into work... Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:52:22 EST Letting Go, So God May Guide. Over the last 1 1/2 months, I have been attending weekly meetings of a group that looks at compulsive eating habits as an addiction. They follow the typical 12 step program that is used for those addicted to other substances, including having "recovered" individuals, assist newer members toward recovery. I love meeting with the people in the group I have been attending. I feel comfortable there as they are all so supportive. I have also leanred that I am not alone in some of my poor nutritio... Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:00:43 EST Snow Changes Everything Things have sure been moving around my place fast. I wish I could say the same for me. Well, maybe I can if you count my anxious times; otherwise I have spent way too much time sleeping, especiallly on the weekends. <BR> <BR> My job is going okay. I gave H1N1 vaccine this past Thursday, to a bunch of high school students. I forgot just how dramatic that time in a person's life could be. Could you believe that most of them would have preferred the shot vs. the nasal spray? I was supposed to ... Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:16:25 EST Meeting #2-OA I never expected that I would be the one in a 12-Step Group. I am one of those that hates taking medication and refuses to use alcohol. What would I ever become addicted to, but helping save others' lives. <BR> <BR> The problem comes when saving everyone else ends up hurting myself. I didn't have the time to eat properly, just grab & go. I didn't get the sleep I needed, so a chocolate bar & cola were a required pick-me-up at least once a day. So what that I was overweight, when ever I try to... Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:05:57 EST Research vs. Policy & Home for the Holidays As you may or may not know, I seemed to be having some cultural clashes in the NIH work environment. That didn't ever really end until I left because my travel nurse contract was canceled. Over what you may ask. My relationship ended when I talked to the nurse manager from my unit regarding unknowingly breaking one of their policies. When asked why I did what I did, I responded that I acted according to my usual practice from a previous facility I had worked at and explained the research arou... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 21:22:29 EST Nurses taste like chocolate-bittersweet Read this week's note/blog with an open mind. The details around the story line may not relate to your career area, but the general conversation and lesson learned, just might. This note/blog reflects on a recent incident of lateral violence I experienced. This topic is currently getting quite a bit of attention, press, and research. I hope that someday, this becomes an old scar, instead of a chronic wound for my profession. I hope, for all of you that it is not part of your profession. If th... Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:42:22 EST (NIH) Now I Have. . . I recognize the fact that it has been at least 2-3 weeks since I had written last. It is not that my depression got worse, but the fact that I had landed a job with the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and was getting ready to go to MD to start a 3 month contract with them. Last week, I did one week of class room training. I still have 1/2 a week to go and then I can move to NIGHTS! for three orientation shifts on the floor. After that, I will be working 3 12-hr night shifts each week thou... Sat, 14 Nov 2009 11:57:44 EST Just lost it. Okay, so this job hunt thing through the recruiters is not going so well. I have had my application sent to multiple places and really only had one real interview in Kingman, AZ. (EVERYONE, LOOK THIS TOWN UP. IT IS SO AWESOME.) When I got off the phone, I knew that I that would be picked for the position. After my recruiter followed up with the manager. She shares with me that I was his #1 choice, but his nurse practioner insisted that there be another nurse at the chemo clinic a week before ... Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:14:31 EST The Amanda Expedition Okay, so I am getting excited and nervous about this travel nursing thing. I am also getting prepared. I got a big chunck of paperwork done. I am sure there is more of that to come. I have talked to my girl friend, and she said she would watch my house while I was gone; she is also threatening to clean it during that time also. I am very nervous about that. At least, I never got that laborador dog that I had wanted so badly for a pet. I'm not so sure she would find taking care of such a big d... Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:10:43 EST Crossroads-Where will they lead? Okay, I am officially unemployed. What will I do with all that time I have on my hands? What should I do first? Where should I turn? Whom do I say good-bye to and whom do I welcome into my life? Life sure has a lot of questions that seem to need answers when you are at a crossroads in your life. <BR> <BR> Let's take one thing at a time. First of all, just because I have reached the crossroads doesn't mean that I don't need therapy anymore. This is probably the first one I have had to cross w... Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:32:47 EST Quit Pushing Me! I guess the one thing I have learned through this latest bout with my depression over these past 9 weeks of medical leave is that I need to be patient with myself. I don't have to be as competitive as i have been in the past. That just got me thinking that I wasn't good enough when I didn't wind up on top. I am willing to give this competitiveness to someone else and just be the best me that I can be. That is really all I have ever wanted to be anyway. <BR> <BR> As many of you know I have re... Sun, 4 Oct 2009 07:24:19 EST Self-Injury vs. Suicide About a week ago, I requested to be checked into an in-patient psychiatric program. I had been self-injurious and was afraid of what other method(s), I would try to injure myself and use as an excuse to avoid making job applications outside of the organization that I currently work for. <BR> <BR> Starting a week ago Wednesday, I started popping and scratching open some bumps/boils on my right ear. The drainage from them not only caused a crusting on the ear, but a burnt like appearance. <B... Sat, 26 Sep 2009 10:35:46 EST Angry Energy Just typing this title was enough to make me feel sick in the stomach. <BR> <BR> In my life, anger has been one of those "bad" emotions that you just don't show, at least not in public. This past week, I have had a couple big opportunities to let some of that anger out. <BR> <BR> The first one was with my psychiatrist. He is still trying to get me to look for a job outside of the medical center where I have worked these past 7 years. I really don't want to leave a Magnet status facility w... Sun, 13 Sep 2009 17:43:24 EST Gotta Get a Job Things are happening fast on my unit while I am not there, and not necessarily for the good. One of our charge nurses is going to be staff in the ICU. Another nurse is going to the day shift. I know at least one nurse aide is transferring to another floor. On top of that our favorite medical receptionist has found a clinic job. <BR> <BR> Management will find out on Tuesday that I am also working on transferring to another unit. I still don't plan on telling them that that is why my doc has m... Fri, 4 Sep 2009 23:32:54 EST Can I Just Relax?! Now that I am done with day therapy, my doc extended my medical leave for another 7 weeks to give me time to "find another job." Right now we agree on that, but don't agree where I should get that job. He wants me to look outside of the medical system I am currently work in, but I want to stay within that system. <BR> <BR> When I last saw doc on Tues., he told me to forget about the job thing and just relax this next week. Tues night-Wed. morning, I stayed up with the night shifters at work ... Sat, 29 Aug 2009 10:09:10 EST Am I a Job? Day therapy went great this week. I really think I got quite a bit out of it. I would probably get a little bit more out of it, if I wrote the journal entry about "Changing my Identity and Job." I have been putting off for at least 1/2 of the week. I got this idea from when I talked to pastor, on Monday night. He told me that he thought that the reason I was fighting the idea of changing jobs was the fact that I had placed so much of my identity on my nursing career. He encouraged me to grie... Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:02:27 EST Partial/Day Therapy On Tuesday, I saw my psychiatrist, who could tell that I was quite anxious. I shared with him how I was afraid I would lose my job over a medication error that happened. (I was already on a 6 month <BR> probationary period for a couple other mistakes I had made recently.) After I explained the error, he reassured me that there were quite a few different ways that that error could have happened and that I might not be responsible for the mistake. The psychiatrist then called the psychologist w... Sun, 16 Aug 2009 23:07:38 EST When I get upset I find it kind of funny that a person who would call one of my nurse aides "a low down dirty scoundrel" would be so concerned about upseting me. That is exactly what happened at my last psychiatry appointment. <BR> <BR> The psychiatrist was so concerned about having upset me that he had me sit back down in his office after I had started to leave. When he asked me what he had said that upset me, I wasn't able to tell him for sure at that moment, but I reassured him that talking about it woul... Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:35:51 EST Pink Eye(s) What an adventure the July 4th weekend was for me! <BR> <BR> Friday night, I worked at the hospital. It was busy but went okay. <BR> <BR> Saturday, July 4th,I was told I did not need to work because we did not have all of our rooms on my unit of the hospital full. Normally, I would have enjoyed this break, but because I seemed to be coming down with a "head cold," I was having difficulty sleeping with the neighbors shoot off fireworks illegally. (But who am I to forbid a family from enjoyin... Tue, 7 Jul 2009 20:45:35 EST Discipline(d) It is amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye. Just last week, I was working towards becoming a fill-in charge nurse. This week, I know I need to wait at least another 3 months before I can even ask. <BR> <BR> My assistant manager called me into her office last week to talk to me about a situation in which I did not follow policy. I admitted to my wrong and told her how I saw part of the story differently that what she had been told. During this conversation, she reassured me ... Sat, 27 Jun 2009 06:37:33 EST Charge nurse? A while back I talked to my assistant manager about filling in as a charge nurse when there is not one available for the night shift. She said that we would have to talk to the manager before anything could happen around this. (I have experience in this area, but was demoted after making some poor decisions.) <BR> <BR> Today, I mentioned this to my counselor, and what I thought were challenges for me in such a position. These challenges is my struggle to be authoritative, missing several day... Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:40:43 EST Vacation report I had a great vacation back in SD. Dad did not get confrontational with me, even during the 1 1/2 days I stayed at the house. Although I wasn't too thrilled that I needed to use the outhouse, as the indoor toilet was not working. My brother pretty much avoided me except for the day he worked on Mom's garden because that was the day I made a meal for the family. He wonders why I don't come to his place to see him. The best part was playing card and domino games with my family. <BR> <BR> My fr... Tue, 2 Jun 2009 21:57:13 EST What's new with the truth! I have been binging again. I have found that I really like the vanilla wafers. I saw them as light until I read the number of wafers per serving was not that many of them. <BR> <BR> All the rain we have been getting in the area has made it hard to get the lawn mowed, but the grass is growing like weeds. I did get the front yard done today. Tomorrow, depending on the rain situation, I will attack the back yard. <BR> <BR> I am keeping myself busy. Tomorrow is a crawfish boil. Sunday through T... Sat, 9 May 2009 00:09:41 EST Growing Pains This week has been a good week, except for the fact that it has rained on and off for the last three days. I had some nervous energy that I couldn't take out for a walk or pull weeds in the yard to burn it off. <BR> <BR> Today was doctor day again. DBT is starting the cycle over, so today was introduction of the material. After that I met with my individual therapist and we talked about my fear of having a confrontation with my father. It sounds like we will talk about this again in another ... Mon, 4 May 2009 23:37:12 EST Bye-Bye Abilify Today, I have great news. I get to taper off my Abilify and just stick to two antidepressants. I am so happy. <BR> <BR> The struggle in life is dealing with 80 degree temps when my air conditioning doesn't work. I will call them tomorrow to see what they can do about it. <BR> <BR> More good news is that I was invited and accepted the invitation to a crawfish boil and a church friend's house. He does this big gala every year. I can't imagine doing something like that myself. <BR> <BR> No... Mon, 27 Apr 2009 23:21:05 EST Another week Another week has gone by. What have I learned? <BR> <BR> I have learned that with my Wellbutrin, I will have to keep a sleep routine and that I won't be gobbling down food all the time. <BR> <BR> I've learned how to apply radical acceptance to my relationship with my father. (I still have more to learn in that area, but it is a start.) <BR> <BR> I learned that my average evaulation, seemed like it should have been scored hire according to my psychologist. (He supervises and evaluates post... Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:07:25 EST Brave Enough to Weigh In Yeah, I got brave today. Beings my doctor is keeping me on the medicine that causes me to gain weight for a couple more weeks, I decided to weigh myself and see just how bad things were. I had gained 6.5 lbs. On top of this, I for got to pick up another script at the pharmacy. Oh well, I will have to go in to work early and pick it up, so I can take my meds tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Good news-I got the wedding invitation from my friend in MN. <BR> <BR> Bad news-A friend in WY died of cancer, but ... Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:58:43 EST Will Wellbutrin Make Me Well.? At my last group therapy, DBT, we went over the 1/2 smile techniques. I ended up crying when we were doing the one where you think of the person that you hate the most and try to find compassion for them. I just ended up feeling guilty because I had felt so strongly and negatively about this person, my Dad. <BR> <BR> When I told my counselor, he was quite understanding but challenged me by asking if I had ever complimented my father. I told him I had, but I couldn't remember and instance eit... Thu, 9 Apr 2009 00:01:22 EST