ARARAIDER's SparkPeople Blog ARARAIDER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community So far have I fallen and looking for a friend to help me up! (Update time) It's been a very long time since I've written a blog and I think I would feel a lot better to just get this out. I've gone through a lot of changes over the last several years, and I don't just mean the physically visual ones...I'm no longer with my ex, James. We broke up and after him I met Troy, who ended up being an awful, incredibly abusive and very detrimental relationship to my health and emotional state of mind. Thankfully, two years ago I got a dog, a black Pomeranian puppy that I got... Sat, 8 Mar 2014 02:57:41 EST New beginning. So, here in canada it is the second day of spring so I'm going to get crackin' and start running! I'm very excited to be back on sparkpeople. My little laptop screen is /almost/ too small for the nutrtion calculator...I'm on a ten inch compaq mini that fits perfectly on my lap. It's a really cute laptop, and it's lightning fast so it makes up for it since it performs so well. <BR> <BR> I am going back to the free running track at about 4pm when james comes to pick me up. everyday, I am going... Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:06:51 EST I miss Sparkpeople. :( Here's an update as to why I have been gone! Hey there, I just wanted to let all my sparkfriends know I miss you a lot and I wish I could come online every day and update my spark like I used to... Problem is, BOTH of my computers are now broken and I RARELY ever get access to come online. <BR> <BR> There IS good news however. I managed to FINALLY get a new job at Office Depot. I JUST got this job after months of searching and applying for about 30 jobs per week (I kid you not!)...BUT finally! I have a job. Which means...I get money ag... Thu, 23 Dec 2010 11:45:29 EST I'm at my goal weight, but there's so much I need to do... I've been away from spark-people for quite some time. My computer was broken, still is. My friends are going to help me fix it for me when I move. I'm now in the process of moving so I'm not quite sure when I'll have internet...I guess we'll see. I'm moving this week into a beautiful new home with lovely roommates. I've got a huge cozy room and I can't wait to decorate it! It will be peaceful and quiet and I'll be able to do my art like crazy! <BR> <BR> I feel like I'll finally have the free... Tue, 7 Sep 2010 07:14:10 EST Update. ------------------------------------------<BR>--- <BR> LAST ENTRY (6/14/2010) <BR> <BR> Weigh yourself: 106 - 6/14/2010 <BR> Measure your Waist: 24.5 - 6/14/2010 <BR> Measure your Hips: 33.5 - 6/14/2010 <BR> Measure your Thigh: 19.5 - 6/14/2010 <BR> Measure your Calf: 13 - 6/10/2010 <BR> Measure your Neck: 12 - 6/10/2010 <BR> Measure your Ankle: 7 - 6/11/2010 <BR> Measure your Bust: 30 - 6/10/2010 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:11:20 EST It's that time again! Another progress update! So close to my goal!!! Starting weight: 133 pounds <BR> Current weight: 108 pounds <BR> <BR> Starting hip measurements: 37 inches <BR> Current hip measurements: 34 inches <BR> <BR> Starting waist measurements: 30.5 inches <BR> Current waist measurements: 25 inches <BR> <BR> Stating thigh measurements: 22.5 inches <BR> Current thigh measurements: 20 inches <BR> <BR> Starting calf measurements: 14 inches <BR> Current calf measurements: 13 inches <BR> <BR> Starting ankle measurements: 8 inches <BR> Current ankle ... Fri, 11 Jun 2010 16:39:18 EST Summer Crack Down Hello everyone! It's been yet another long while since I've last updated so it's about time that I do! <BR> <BR> On may 1st I ended up in the hospital due to a seizure. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance and had a cat scan, blood test, and an EEG test. All tests turned out that I was healthy. The actual cause of my seizure was an allergic reaction to some of the pain meds I was taking for my back. Following this, it lowered my immune system and I got really sick for two weeks and was ... Thu, 20 May 2010 15:40:36 EST I like my life. :) It's been over a month since I've last updated, so a new blog post is certainly well over-due. <BR> <BR> I guess you could say things are going pretty well. I'm happy I am finally under 110. Presently at 109, I haven't been doing a ton of exercise either. Aside from dancing on the weekends, the only other exercise I've been getting is the running around I do at work. I haven't gone to the gym since I got really sick. My work out pants dissapeared somewhere and I need to go buy new ones. Tha... Wed, 7 Apr 2010 17:50:27 EST Another update. So my vacation is done and past, as always with good things they end too quickly. I definitely enjoyed my time in California, but loathed the airports for the rather unfriendly poorly run service. Actually it was really just the Seattle airport...Everywhere else seemed to be fine. <BR> <BR> Since I've gotten back, I've been unable to have a proper sleep. I'm tired. My first day back at work yesterday was rather difficult as well. Work said I had an easy day ahead of me...yeah right. By the ... Thu, 4 Mar 2010 11:12:39 EST A little update of my chaotic life. My vacation couldn't come at a more perfect time. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Aside from it all, I've still been sticking pretty well to my daily for calories and exercise which has helped tremendously. If I hadn't been doing this I'm most certain I would be in very terrible shape and I don't mean just physically. <BR> <BR> To give a little insight, I've had to deal with harassment issues from my ex. I had to change my phone number, I blocked him on everything I could think ... Thu, 18 Feb 2010 13:55:37 EST I can't believe how well I'm doing! I'm really surprised and proud of myself for continuing to keep working hard. I have still been making little mistakes here and there, but I haven't stopped and just given up alltogether. When I make a mistake now, I've been able to pick myself up after and keep going. Before I would just give up and then binge for days on end. <BR> <BR> It's AMAZING how drinking enough water in a day causes one to not really binge! I drink water or tea with every meal. I feel more satisfied. I don't get he... Sat, 30 Jan 2010 18:08:12 EST Back in the game, better than ever! This blog entry of my present progress is LONG over-due. Since I learned that lack of water was one of my main causes for obsessive binging/night time eating I can now keep my appetite under control and I feel way more satisfied after meals. <BR> <BR> There are even more benefits to my drinking enough water daily. I get less headaches. I feel more energetic and alert. <BR> <BR> I have been exercising pretty much every day and I've been making myself do weight training as well! Before when... Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:56:45 EST In and out of control... I keep cycling in this horrific loop of getting back on track, then losing it all and going on a binging streak that lasts anywhere from a week to two weeks. I believe it mainly has to do with the fact that there is a LOT of stress in my life that I have little control over. I've been doing this for months. My health has gone to crap because I hardly get any sleep because the stress is keeping me awake at night. I'm sure this has slowed down my metabolism. So of course I just end up gaining a... Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:53:01 EST I snapped. Six days ago today I stopped my maniac binge eating. Furious with the rapid fat growth that was expanding itself all over my body I just stopped. I'm mad. Mad at myself. I've never been this angry at myself before. I was out of control eating almost 3,000 calories a day of candy, chocolate, and whatever fattening crap I could get a hold of. My diet lacked a lot of proper nutrition, protein and all sorts of essentials that probably led to my crazy non-stop binging. <BR> <BR> I got to my hig... Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:29:28 EST I hate myself. I'm even more depressed than ever. Everyone's been noticing that I've continually been gaining weight. My step dad made a joke about how I'm getting a big butt, and when he left I went down into my room and cried. <BR> <BR> If I could just control my eating the weight would peel off. I'm very active physically, I go to the gym a lot...but with an average of 3,000 daily calorie diet for how SHORT I am, I'm continuing to gain weight. My butt's getting big. My thighs are getting big. Everythin... Sat, 26 Dec 2009 14:23:53 EST Stupid binging problems... I don't know what it is with me, but as soon as I'm on my days off it's back to being bad and eating like crap again. It seems when I'm on my work schedule I have more control over what I'm eating, I eat healthy and stay in my ranges...Why can't I stay in line on my days off? Maybe I need to schedule my food on my days off just like I do for work... <BR> <BR> On work days I go to the gym every day after work, so that's 5 times a week I go. My days off from work I eat any sugary salty junk f... Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:04:55 EST Out of control woman! After doing SO well and losing 18 pounds and after a month without binging...I get really stressed out and depressed from so much going on in my life and turn to eating to cope. I've been emotionally binge eating for the past 5 days in a row, eating about 2,600 calories or more, and yesterday my daily calories totalled to about 3,769...but could possibly even be more. That's just sick. I couldn't stop and I feel like inflated whale. My stomach hurts from all that eating. I feel terrible. I ga... Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:43:56 EST How I personally cured my binging and bad eating habits. ***This was meant as advice for a friend, but I am posting it here because I believe it can help other people struggling with binging, over-eating and crazy junk food/candy eating as well.*** <BR> <em>45</em> <em>265</em> <em>289</em> <em>277</em> <em>491</em> <BR> <BR> If I may, I'd like to offer you some knowledge of what worked for me to break my habit of serious, unhealthy binge eating habits. <BR> <BR> Whether you really enjoy fresh fruits and veggies or not. GET them. They will... Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:11:37 EST I feel empowered! I lost 11 pounds! Okay so things have begun to go very, very well for me and as a result I'm becoming a lot happier and satisfied emotionally and about my body. I feel good! I feel like I'm healthier now! I have way more energy then I did before when I was binging on candy and junk. Instead of eating those deliciously sickening sugary sweets, I no longer crave them. When I want a tasty sweet treat I'll reach into my fridge and grab my favorite kind of apple (royal gala, or golden delicious) I also LOVE mandari... Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:11:30 EST I guess it's okay to have a little help... So I invested in a very expensive appetite surpessant because my manically insane eating had me up to weighing 133 pounds the other day and I cried...this is the worst I have ever weighed and I have big chubby love handles and thunder thighs...none of my pants fit and I am sick and tired of this being unable to control my that's why I've turned to the appetite surpressant. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was the first day I started taking the little yellow pill. It worked all day and I had n... Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:46:44 EST Even more delays...and questions??? So here I was, getting back on track and going to the gym every day...and then I get strep throat and I end up being sick and not going to the gym or work for 8 days. I'm really upset, and it seems that I have gained even more weight despite the fact that I have been eating healthier...I am even more depressed now. It seems like whenever I get back on track it always gets messed up beyond my control...and I can't exercise when I was sick like that, I tried to and it made me get even sicker so... Sun, 8 Nov 2009 11:45:49 EST Blah. So I've hit my all time highest weight. 129. I've also hit my all time lowest of lows on self esteem. <BR> <BR> I calculated my daily caloric intake... <BR> 655 + (4.3 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years) <BR> 655 + (554.7) + (296.1) - (103.4) = 1402.4 <BR> <BR> <BR> At my present weight, my daily caloric intake for normal body function is 1402.4...I want to try and eat about 1,200 - 1,300 so that way when I am doing cardio on the elliptical trainer I am b... Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:38:28 EST I'm in the game! So I haven't been on sparkpeople for awhile because my internet was done (due to moving and stuff) and I was having a lot of problems with it. Because of this, I haven't been logging what I eat or calorie counting at all because I was only doing it on sparkpeople. Unfortunately for me, I'm kinda lost without this site and don't want to log my calories on paper at all(I hate it) because all I think to myself is how annoying it is and how much more I just like to log everything all in here. It'... Thu, 1 Oct 2009 05:57:31 EST Finally at the gym! Hooray I've finally gotten around to joining the gym! Yesterday I joined and signed myself up for a two year contract so that way I can go every day after work, no time to procrastinate! It was way cheaper per month to join yearly instead of monthly by almost 50 %. Wowza. <BR> <BR> Yesterday's workout I did upper body and abs...then I went and did cardio for an hour on the ilyptical trainer. By the time I was done I felt fantastic but sleepy. <BR> <BR> Today I will be working out again too... Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:49:50 EST I'm so proud of myself! So today is day 13/30 of my personal self challenge where I work out every day and don't binge eat like mad! Since my job is keeping me on a schedule I've had a much easier time keeping myself in a routine. I've gotten way better control of my eating, and while I am still making little mistakes I've been learning and I'm no where as bad as I used to be! I don't give up and just go binge-eat a manic amount of junk food when I mess up. As much as I hate it when I go over my daily calorie intake... Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:53:34 EST I'm still having problems Okay, so I'm active again daily but I'm starting to have problems with eating too much food again...Crap. Hmm <BR> <BR> The weirdest part is I can actually SEE the fat I have gained on my body. It doesn't make any sense. How did it get there so fast just from my little bit of eating granola bars?That was really fast. Wow. I need to figure out how to wean myself off the sweets better because right now it's posing a problem granola bars I get are the oatmeal to go barsI bought a hu... Mon, 7 Sep 2009 20:36:15 EST I was doing it all wrong. Before when I was going hard thanks through the help of all my spark friends and spark people...I've realized just HOW wrong I was going about my weightloss. I had the most rediculously high expectations for myself that didn't include any room to make little mistakes and so when I failed, I failed hard. Instead of keep going when I messed up, I gave up and wallowed in the mess that I had created. I know better now. I can't not ever make a mistake. To say that I will never make a mistake is ju... Sun, 6 Sep 2009 12:22:59 EST Back on track. So with my work it's a lot easier to schedule myself and eat better! Since I'm not broke anymore I've been buying nothing but healthy foods for me to snack on whenever I'm hungry. It's sure been helping a lot. <BR> <BR> My foot is healed so I've started working out again and man do I need to! I went shopping yesterday and was trying on some clothes in a full view mirror. Wow did I ever feel depressed. I hate my legs so much right now...they're nothing toned like they used to be and that has ... Thu, 3 Sep 2009 17:12:17 EST Just a little update. So I dropped a glass on my foot in the kitchen a couple weeks ago and had to get nine stitches...I was off work for awhile because of it...and because I was limping I ended up screwing one of the tendons in my foot so now it's all inflamed and it makes a creaky grinding sound/feeling when I try to move it and it hurts a lot. I can't really exercise and I have no choice but to work either so it's going to take awhile to heal. I'm okay working but my whole body, and all my muscles are just so s... Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:20:05 EST Doing so much better! Well I seem to be doing pretty good lately and I haven't binged at all. I've traded in my snacking on junk food to snacking on fruits. My new "Candy" is dried papaya and pineapple slices. I've been keeping under my maxium daily calorie's been a little bit difficult but I find if I just drink juice or lots of water it helps me in the evenings. <BR> <BR> When I think of candy it seems too sweet to me right now...and when I DO have a sugar craving I go to the grocery store and raid... Sat, 15 Aug 2009 02:01:00 EST That was just what I needed! I'm back! So I'm back and I return a whole six pounds lighter! Yahoo! I've lost anywhere from an inch to an inch and a half through out all of my body parts. I certainly feel better too! <BR> <BR> The festival was amazing and was the best of all three that I've been to yet. I walked all day long every day and even danced the nights away. All in all in was a pretty fantastic trip! I can't wait for next year's Shambhala already. <BR> <BR> During my trip I ate nothing but healthy, snacking on fruits, v... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:53:16 EST Today I leave! Today I leave for my camping trip and not only am I leaving my city, but I intend to leave my binge/bad eating habits behind and get myself back on track to a healthier lifestyle! <BR> <BR> Where am I going? I'm going camping for nearly two weeks at a music festival on a gorgeous ranch in a beautiful forest. There are several stages and the actual festival itself starts on the 7th and ends on the 10th. I'm camping really early though as I want a good spot this year. This is my third time in... Mon, 3 Aug 2009 09:24:37 EST Camping trip tomorrow yeeha! So tomorrow's the day I leave for my almost two week long camping trip. With nothing but healthy food and snacks packed I have no choice but to eat healthy and be good. <BR> <BR> I'm looking forward to the daily exercise and sun I will be getting! I brought my bathing to go swimming in the river although I don't feel comfortable at all in it. <BR> <BR> Since I'm gone for so long and have nothing but healthy food my body has absolutely no choice but to lose weight while I'm gone. <BR> <B... Sun, 2 Aug 2009 23:33:04 EST Bad eating madness has got to end... So I'm still eating extremely poorly. I eat like, 1,500 calories over my limit a day so I've been gaining rather than losing. This really sucks, but I'm doing it to myself. I thought I didn't know why I ate so much like this but I's because I'm depressed and I feel like food is the only good thing. It's a quick pleasure fix...and I just keep eating all the crap and candy long after I'm full. I feel like crap, so then I just eat more. It's disgusting. I'm just gaining weight...I haven'... Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:48:16 EST Still really sad... So it's the end of yesterday...and now another new it's been day and a bit after my huge binge. I didn't lose the weight that I had gained from's still there making me feel like crap and I find myself ashamed to step on the scale. Back where I started plus a pound. 122 right now. Not impressed. I know a lot of people would kill to be that weight but you know I'm SUPER short and those 22 pounds I gained is NOT muscle. It's horrible jiggly fat that I binge ate my way to pac... Fri, 24 Jul 2009 05:13:18 EST I hate myself right now. So yesterday I ate, and then I ate some more...and then I ate some more...and then I ate some more...and I ate back all the weight I had lost from bootcamp and completely ruined my awesome workout...I ate 6 pounds. What the heck? What the heck is wrong with me? :( Why do I eat and just not stop every once in awhile after I am doing so well and losing weight? <BR> <BR> The worst part of this is I gained even more inches to my body, my thighs, my waist, my hips...all gained an inch. <BR> <B... Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:26:09 EST Right on track! So I've 3 days left until my 5 pound goal date and I've already lost 4 pounds!!! I feel great. The urges to binge eat are less and less as I get results of my success and I've been eating way healthier and having lots of healthy snack so I don't feel like eating everything in sight! <BR> <BR> I feel like I have a lot more energy and the qaulity of my sleeps are improving. I'm starting to feel a little bit better about myself as I see tiny changes of progress... <BR> <BR> I know I'm going to... Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:20:37 EST New goals and bootcamp madness! 5 pounds by 2009/07/21 ***Work In Progress*** <BR> <BR> 5 pounds by 2009/07/28 ***Pending*** <BR> <BR> 5 pounds by 2009/08/02 ***Pending*** <BR> <BR> 2 pounds by 2009/08/09 ***Pending*** <BR> <BR> 2 pounds by 2009/08/16 ***Pending*** <BR> <BR> Why are the first three weeks of my weightloss goals so high at five pounds per week? Because I am enrolling in a very difficult daily workout boot camp starting July 15th where the average is five pounds per week...I'm in it for 3 weeks, and when ... Wed, 15 Jul 2009 06:06:37 EST Oops... I'm tired of all the mistakes I've made. Today I join bootcamp madness and pledge to lose atleast ten pounds with them and to continue to lose the weight after and not forget what I've learned! Wed, 15 Jul 2009 06:05:35 EST Okay it's bettin' time. So I made a bet with my friend that I can lose ten pounds by the end of the month, or they get $20.00. We shook on it. So it looks like I better get working or else I'll be owing them some money! <BR> <BR> I may lose but even so if I do...we ware gonna make another bet and if I have to give 'em $20...I'll be damn sure they won't be getting money again the second time! <BR> <BR> I figured it would be a fun way for some motivational weightloss...The past two days I've eaten really bad. <BR... Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:34:14 EST What is going on??? So today is day four of me eating properly and sticking pretty closely to my max daily calorie intake...Only went over a little bit..but, I see that I've gained another 4 pounds on top of the weight I already have to this temporary water weight gain since I am drinking more or something? <BR> <BR> I should be losing not gaining. I am going to try and eat lower in my daily caloric range...atleast I am gradually lowering it down so my metabolism shouldn't really slow... <BR> <BR> St... Sat, 11 Jul 2009 18:38:57 EST Need help bad. All tips welcome. :( I keep on losing sight of my goals...and eating like crazy. Yesterday I ate near 3,000 calories! Ughhh. I don't know why I have such an obsession with over-eating. I know I eat because I am so bored and it's a quick fix. Though, I usually don't even stop after a few bites! <BR> <BR> I need to stock up on lots of fruits and veggies so when I feel like eating all crazy I can eat a ton of those...they're way better for me and have way less calories and fat than candy. <BR> <BR> Since I've join... Wed, 8 Jul 2009 15:56:59 EST I fell off the wagon. :( So I fell off the wagon pretty hard, now I've got another 9 pounds to lose that I had gained. I stopped running and was eating bad again. Don't I feel like an idiot? Argh. <BR> <BR> I had to re-do my goal so now I am starting over as of today. I got a new phone that I am programming with exercise activies that I do every day to try and keep me in line. I am hoping it will help because I certainly need it. <BR> <BR> Since I gained all the weight I had lost back, and more, I am now feeling c... Fri, 3 Jul 2009 12:21:21 EST I take negative comments as motivation. But they still hurt. So I am still having problems eating way too much here and there. It seems I can be really good for a couple days, then I end up screwing everything up by eating like mad and gaining back the weight I had just lost prior. This is getting a little ridiculous. I need tips on how to stop making me do this crazy over eating because it is SO hard to stop myself once I start binging. I need help to not binge eat... Exercise, I say this again, is not my problem at all. I love exercising. I exercise ... Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:12:02 EST Okay, are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? Because I sure wasn't when I stepped on the scale of the 18th and guess what it said. Ten pounds heavier. Sunday I was ten pounds lighter and had been maitaining that weight and losing....then, the 15th, 16th, 17th, and the morning of the 18th, I didn't run, I stayed in my room all day eating non stop christie thinsation cookies, and cereal, and yogurt. (I had a really bad weekend and this was the result....NEVER AGAIN!) even LOOKS like I gained that ten pou... Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:45:44 EST I will do it. Yesterday I was really tired running. I felt lazy and my legs felt tired and heavy all day. When I first went to the track, it was closed to public for the school 'til 8pm. I grumbled to myself then figured it was a good thing since I'll just have gotten extra walking time in. <BR> <BR> I came back and did my run after 8pm. The last couple laps I had to keep telling myself that I could do it. I didn't want to run two miles. I wanted to be lazy and walk...but I kept going! With a bit of menta... Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:27:19 EST Blah. I feel rather blah right now. I should feel accomplished! Yesterday I ran for three miles straight! That's my best yet since I started running. I didn't expect to run that 'til next week! So now my minimum per day to run is three miles. <BR> <BR> The reason I am blah though is because I got out my measuring tape and found out I was inches bigger instead of smaller. This was from all that binging I had been doing and made a point to stop and get back on track...I feel awful about my body. I ... Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:52:32 EST I'm gonna be a runner!!! Sooo, I can rollerblade for two hours straight, big woop yaadaa yaadaa rollerblading long distances isn't hard for me since my muscles are trained for it...but I can't run worth a crap...running is hard! Way harder than rollerblading! <BR> <BR> Okay! So! Today, today I have decided that I am going to be a runner! Why? 'Cause I am lazy and out of shape annnnnd runners have hot bods and great endurance and I wanna have a great running bod and endurance too! <BR> <BR> I conveniently live righ... Sat, 6 Jun 2009 12:21:15 EST Let's do it all again Okay, so lately I've been failing miserably. I was waaaaay back past where I started, eating way too much junk and not really exercising and it's been showing...and let me tell you, hiding in clothes this very hot summer is getting rediculous. It's waaaay too hot to wanna hide in the clothes that I am... <BR> <BR> A friend and I both want to lose weight from our bellies and have sick-pack abs eventually so we have decided that we are going to meet every day to workout together! We both decid... Fri, 5 Jun 2009 18:52:29 EST It could be better... So I'm not even half way to my goal, I should be...but I'm not. I'm not even close. I'm basically just sitting right around where I started, only it looks like my stomach and thighs ect are bigger than they were... <BR> <BR> I've been sick so that has put a huge dent in my exercise. I haven't really been able to exercise because I haven't been feeling well enough to leave my room even. <BR> <BR> The weather all around me is gorgeous and sunny. Clear blue skies...and yet I am afraid to show ... Sun, 24 May 2009 18:07:14 EST