ARAC76's SparkPeople Blog ARAC76's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 2 years later.... I'm not sure what made me think of Sparkpeople today, but I suddenly felt a push to log in and update my blog, as it is a personal journal of my ups and downs. A year ago, I was feeling fantastic....down 80 lbs., active, energetic, less physical pain, and feeling more confident then I've ever felt. <BR> <BR> And Mom died. I've spent the last 10 months since her death eating everything I shouldn't and too much of it. I stopped paying attention or caring what I was eating. I'v... Tue, 21 Jun 2016 12:34:53 EST Continuing on with positive changes.... ....even though I've hit a plateau. In the last month, I've only lost 5 lbs. And it's driving me crazy. I weigh myself every day, which isn't helping. I don't feel the same dispair that I used to feel when I was heavier, but it is a disappointing way to start the day. So, I'm focusing on the positives: <BR> 1. I've lost 57 lbs. <BR> 2. I'm down 3-4 sizes. <BR> 3. My knees do not hurt nearly as much as they once did. <BR> 4. I can walk further distances at greater speed - I just hit m... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 16:59:16 EST Lots of changes.... Since my last blog entry in October, I have lost 52 lbs and dropped 3 clothing sizes. Last I measured, back in May, I had also lost 16 inches (I'm due to remeasure) total. Excercising is easier and more enjoyable weighing less and I'm gaining confidence with trying new activities, like riding my bike around the neighborhood with the kids rather than loading it in the car and driving far away where no one knew me to ride it:) I also find myself feeling more confident in social situations, n... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 14:20:35 EST Barriers an emotional wreck. It's been a long, long time since I've felt this way. Self-depreciating thoughts attack me from all angles. Self-consciousness bordering on paranoia are at an all time high. I feel like a failure. <BR> <BR> I've been going to physical therapy for my knee for a couple of months now (tendonitis at the top, arthritis in two places, and a 3 inch cyst in the back). It's helping the tendonitis located at the top of my knee, but my knee joint will never be bette... Thu, 24 Oct 2013 08:33:56 EST Clarity While Walking I just realized that I first joing SP in December 2007. I've made several attempts to get healthy in the last five years, some attempts lasting longer than others, but I've never stuck with it. I think I've learne a little something along the way with each attempt and maybe, just maybe, I had to falter several times before I was going to succeed. <BR> <BR> I don't know what it is..but this time FEELS different. I'm in a different place mentally and emotionally. And while the world keep... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 22:01:02 EST Snow Day I had an unexpected day off from work today due to my kids' school being closed for the snow/ice storm that came through. And, due to circumstances beyond my control, I didn't do my work out during the day like I should have. I hadn't worked out since Thursday, actually, and I'm surprised that the weekends/day's off are harder for me to work out than during the full-time work week. I was tempted to turn in early tonight with the idea of doing tonights workout tomorrow, but I shouted at mys... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:49:42 EST Ups and downs of a beginner... Well, I've overloaded on carbs the last two days....relying way too heavily on pasta-based meals (my go-to comfort meal). Despite this, I've stayed to appropriate portion sizes and have been WAY more conscious of what I eat during the day. Today, I said "I'm going to have either one of those cookies or a cup of coffee, but not both", chose the cup of coffee, and stuck with that choice. I also came to the realization that I use about 150 calories a day on coffee/coffee creamer. I've tried ... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:36:11 EST Wowza! Life sure is hard sometimes! Geesh! But, I'm staying focused despite life circumstances. Taking a break tonight to refresh my emotional side. Wed, 23 Jan 2013 20:46:13 EST Happy Monday I jumped out of bed this morning, couldn't wait to weigh in! And I was happy to see that I was down 2.4 lbs for the week! I couldn't be happier and it really motivated me to keep going today. I started a new WATP video today, the 5 Day Walk Plan. Each day has a different walk, different distance, and at the end a toning session for a different part of the body. Today was 3 miles at a pace of 12 minutes per mile with an ab session at the end. I hate sit ups....they hurt my tailbone and I... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 21:27:45 EST I. Am. So. Hungry Wow! I'm starving. Seriously starving. Now, I shouldn't be since i have eaten almost all of my calories for the day AND I'll have drank 12 glasses of water by the time I go to bed tonight. BUT.....I haven't transitioned to eating foods that will carry me....still eating too many carbs and not enough protein for me. How long does it take for the constant hunger to subside? Also, need to add in more fruits and veggies to my day. I'm a work in progress. <BR> <BR> Overall, I'm pretty happ... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 23:22:52 EST I reached the ravenous phase..... ...this afternoon at lunch time. All in all, I think I handeled it pretty well. Ate an extra slice of pizza that I probably shouldn't have had, but did well otherwise for the day. I did a 3 mile WATP video after the kids went to bed and I've had over 64 oz. of water so far today. All in all, I'm pleased with how I've done so far this week! <BR> <BR> I've come to the realization that lack of planning and mindfulness is my downfall....EVERY single time. Yesterday, I ran out of time and le... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 21:43:41 EST MIA for 8 months It's been 8 months since my last blog post, and not much has changed between then and now. I have, however, gotten back on the SP train and feeling extra motivated to eat healthy and excercise on a regular basis. I contemplated joining a gym and I also contemplated buying an eliptical from my sister, but then I realized that I don't need to do either of those things. I have 7 WATP video's with a variety of waling styles, intensities, and walks from anywhere from 1 - 5 miles. I also have a... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 21:48:05 EST May 6 - Sunburned and fancy free I had a really great weekend. Got up yesterday and loaded the kids, their bikes, water, and snacks into the car and then went to a local track to walk while they road. Did a mile, then took a break so they could play on the playground, then did another mile. My daughter was really excited when I told her she had ridden her bike for 2 miles! Today she told me that she wants to ride 3 miles next time. <BR> <BR> Today, I got up a little after 7:15, did a 2 mile WATP video, then got myself... Sun, 6 May 2012 22:47:14 EST May 2 - Okay, I remember how this feels now.... I had a pretty good day today. Weighed in at work for the Biggest Loser challenge and didn't even care that a coworker knows how much I weigh now! There were a LOT of people signing up, so I was pretty excited about that! We got our car back that was in the shop for 2 weeks, I ate healthy all day, and got in all my water. I did another 2 mile WATP video and then then went on YouTube and found a 10 minute standing ab workout to do. I went over my calorie burn goal for the day AND had laun... Wed, 2 May 2012 22:35:57 EST May 1st - Here I go again.... Wow....January 10th was my last visit to this site. <BR> <BR> BUT, today is May 1st. New month, new week, new day. I've been eating 85 - 90%% healthier over the past few weeks...dinner is definitely my downfall. And today I did a 2 mile WATP video at almost 9 PM. Tomorrow, I'm joining a Biggest Loser challenge at work that is being sponsored by our EAP. It's a $10 entry fee and the first weigh in is tomorrow. It ends sometime in June, so I figure this is EXACTLY what I need to get my... Tue, 1 May 2012 22:25:24 EST Another day in the WIN column! Made it up to 7 hours of sleep last night, which is a huge accomplishment for me and it felt SOOOOOO good! Ate well throughout the day, stayed within my calorie range, a little over in fat, and a little under in carbs, and got in all my water. After work, sat at my daughter's dance class, and a mere 13 hours later, made it back home. Tuesday's are always a tough day...we leave at 7:30 AM and return at 8:00 PM, and we usually eat out. Last week, I forgot about eating healthy until after I ... Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:52:24 EST I met my first goal....I lost my first four pounds this week! I set a small goal for myself this week, my first week back on SP. I wanted to go from 254 to 250. I walked 2 miles three times last week, did a few 15 minute workouts (1 pilates and 1 stretching/flexibility), drank water every day, cut out non-essential snacking, started tracking my food (not every day and not every meal, but a good start nonetheless), and ate a few pieces of fruit. I also switched over to coconut milk in my coffee instead of creamer, which I was surprised to really like ... Mon, 9 Jan 2012 21:05:30 EST ups and downs I've been on and off this weight loss journey so many times that I can't even count the amount of times I've set myself up to fail, failed, and then over-ate to stuff away all the feelings of failure, and rejection, and lonliness. But, each time I get re-focused, it gets easier and easier for me. Easier to remember that I'm worth it, easier to remember how goot it feels to accomplish something, easier to remember how good it feels to get my tookas off the couch and push myself past the barr... Thu, 5 Jan 2012 22:04:52 EST zzzzzzzzzzzz I'm soooooooooooo tired! Going to bed at 11:30 and getting up at 5 for two days in a row is killer. But, worked out, ate okay, super tired, going to bed. Blah. Wed, 4 Jan 2012 22:10:41 EST Baby steps.... I'm happy to say that my first day back to the grind went pretty well. I got up at 5 AM, got downstairs by about 5:20, and did a 2 mile WATP's video. I drank 32 oz of water before I left for work at 7:30 and another 34 oz by the end of my lunch break. I got the kids up 20 minutes earlier than ususal and, instead of running around like a screaming lunatic, we were able to take our time, go easy, and had a good morning routine. I did so-so on my eating plan for the day. I brought my lunch,... Tue, 3 Jan 2012 21:12:52 EST A new year, a new plan, and hopefully a new me. I haven't been on sparkpeople since August 22. In the last four months, I've continued to feel as if life has gotten out of control. My weight, my house, my seems as if all major aspects of my life have fallen into the crapper. So, it's a new year. I've tried this before and it's worked, I've just made a million excuses as to why I can't keep up with a healthy lifestyle. I've continued to put everyone and everything before myself and I refuse to do that anymore. <BR> <BR... Mon, 2 Jan 2012 22:14:51 EST Shin splints and nightly solitude I've all but demanded that my husband schedule his overtime around my walking schedule instead of scheduling my walking schedule around his overtime. And sometimes I even get a bonus night, like tonight, where I planned on doing a WATP video but was able to get out to walk. I have to say, I'm loving the me time, the alone time. Just me, my music, and my feet in lane 3. No kids bickering or hanging all over me. No husband to be mad at. No work stress. A clear mind and an open path. ... Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:21:53 EST Motivated by fear.... I cut another 23 seconds off of my walking time! Yay! The track that I walk on at night is lit up, but the surrounding fields are not. I'm usually one of 10 or more people walking at night, but today I was the only one. And it was kind of creepy. Especially when someone appeared out of nowhere, walked 1/2 a lap and then left. So, I high-tailed it through my 2 miles just to get out of dodge. I was intending to walk 3 miles, but opted not to under the cirucmstances. <BR> <BR> Oh, and wh... Sun, 21 Aug 2011 21:23:09 EST random thoughts I discovered the stopwatch function on my cell phone that not only allows me to track the exact amount of time I've walked, but also allows me to track how many laps I've done. I was always getting confused about how many laps I had done and found myself walking around the track chanting the number I had just completed with each step (2. 2. 2. 2. etc.). Prior to tonight, I've only tracked my time by looking at the time on the clock when I start and finish, and it's always taken me about 40 ... Thu, 18 Aug 2011 22:29:23 EST Do over I've been slowly trying to reintegrate back into a healthy lifestyle. Making small changes, little by little. I'm about two weeks in now, not sure how much I've lost, but I definately feel some of my pants losening up a teeny tiny bit. I worked out 4 times last week and just found out that playing Wii bowling for 45 minutes actually burns a good chunk of calories. <BR> <BR> I don't have much to say, other than this: it is really, really hard to stay focused on your goals when "real life"... Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:19:24 EST C25K and positive choices I did day 2 of C25K and made good progress for my 2nd run. On Monday, I could only do 6 out of 8 of the 1 minute running portions. Today I did 7 out of 8. AND, on Mondaywhen the podcast ended, I had done exactly 6 laps on the track (1.5 miles). Today, I was at 7 laps when the podcast ended! So, I did an extra lap to make it an even 2 miles. We went out to dinner today to a local pizza place. I had the salad bar and only one slice of pizza. <BR> <BR> Today at work, a co-worker weighe... Wed, 25 May 2011 21:37:54 EST C25K - Day 1 Done. Well, sort of. I did 6 out of the 8 designated running minutes. And I only went 1.5 miles total. But, I haven't worked out in forever and it was my first day back to the grind, so I'm pretty happy with how I did. I was hoping that the track would be empty, considering that there had just been some serious downpouring of rain, however there were at least 15 people there. I have to admit that the thought crossed my mind to not get out of the car. I kep thinking "how are you going t... Mon, 23 May 2011 22:21:34 EST Automatic thoughts and behavior I had to run to Wegman's after work today, so I swung home, grabbed the kids, and off we went. Decided that we'd grab dinner at the cafe' before grabbing the few things I needed to get. We all decided to order pizza, just to make it quick and easy. I ordered two slices for myself and then slices for the kids. I was halfway through my second piece when I suddenly realized that I had automatically ordered and eaten some really unhealthy food, without even thinking twice. Not once did I sto... Tue, 5 Apr 2011 20:54:08 EST Long time, no write.... I'm sure you're all surprised that I'm back, trying again, blah, blah, blah....but had some good moments this weekend that I wanted to writer about. I took the kids to our favorite local park today that has some good walking paths. The kids wanted to ride their bikes, so along we went. Only problem is trying to keep up with two kids on wheels! So, I ran. Not a lot, nor for a long distance, but I ran. And I could have run more than I actually did, had it not been for my son getting angry... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 18:23:25 EST Quite possibly found my rock bottom today..... My sister asked me a few months ago if I wanted to do a 5K today with her. Of course I told her I would, but then forgot all about it until she texted me at 8:30 this morning to ask me if I was still going. I initially told her no, but then my husband agreed to stay up to watch the kids (he works 3rd shift and usually sleeps during the day) so I could go. So, I threw on some walking gear and met my sister there, fighting every excuse whirling through my head as to why I shouldn't/couldn't ... Sun, 13 Feb 2011 00:21:04 EST Really? Last last week, I had a 16-year-old clients mother die unexpectedly and I had to help hospitalize a 12-year-old client in a psychiatric hospital. Today, my sister in law was hospitalized with a brain bleed due to an unknown cause. She needs to have brain surgery tomorrow. I had to leave work today and took tomorrow off, even though I'm a new employee who isn't allowed to take time off for six months. I'm petrified of the fallout there. I shipped my kids off to my parents house for the ni... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 23:13:19 EST Things are looking up.... Had a pretty decent day today. Went to church and then taught Sunday-school at the 2nd service. Visited family for the rest of the day. Ate a little too much for dinner, but we eat Sunday dinner at 3:00 which means I skip lunch, so I think it evened out a bit. I was hungry when I got home, but got the kids bathed and to bed and I changed into my workout gear before I got something to eat. Decided on some Chobani Greek yogurt, which I just tried for the first time last week and love. How... Sun, 9 Jan 2011 21:36:37 EST What a crappy day..... My day started off with the news that the parent of one of my 16 year old clients passed away during the night. This woman was morbidly obese, had diabetes, and had a number of other ailments that I would suspect led to her untimely death. She was 43. She was in my office just last week. This was a huge eye opener for me. Like many other mothers, she put everyone in her family first and didn't take care of herself because she was focused on her family. And now her children have no moth... Tue, 4 Jan 2011 22:51:55 EST Could I possibly.... afraid to succeed? Is there such a thing? I thought to myself today: "What if you lose all this weight and you're STILL not happy?" What if I eat all this food and take such crappy care of myself because I don't know how to be happy? But, at the same time, what if I fail, again? What if I lose my momentum again? What if life keeps throwing me curve balls? <BR> <BR> What I DO know is that I can't keep living like this. I can't keep bouncing back and forth between being health... Mon, 3 Jan 2011 21:38:53 EST Choosing to stay positive Overall had a great day. Spent last evening planning meals for the week from the new cookbooks I bought at the local book clearance sale. I actually pre-cooked tonights dinner so that all I had to do was pop it in the microwave to heat it up. I added some of the pillsbury rolls and dinner was on the table in 15 minutes. Last night I also made my lunch for today and packed my lunch bag. My kids and I had a smooth wakeup and out-the-door routine and our evening routine was smooth sailing a... Mon, 22 Nov 2010 20:23:23 EST Positive attitude What a beautiful day! It started off a little rough after a night of not-so-good sleep. I overslept and felt a bit rushed, but by the time it was time to wake up the kids, I had caught up iwth time and we left the house on schedule. Bitter cold morning, yes it was! But the sun was shining and my kids were smiling...a perfect combination. I had a cancellation at work this morning, so I was able to slip out and take my son to preschool today. I like to do that now and then so that I can t... Wed, 3 Nov 2010 20:42:29 EST Reflections... I just realized that next month will be my 3-year anniversary with Spark people. I joined in December 2007 when my son was just 10-months old. He is now three months short of 4. A lot has happened in those three years. Since that time, I could easily say that I've accomplished nothing. I've lost nothing, or what I have lost, I've found again. But, in reality, I HAVE accomplished things. I may not have stuck with any of my fitness plans to date, but I've learned that I am strong and that... Mon, 1 Nov 2010 22:04:58 EST Reflecting on a great weekend When life throws you clouds and thunderstorms, you have to look for the rainbow on the other side. I could sit here and list a million things that I'm not happy about with my life right now, but instead, I'm sitting at home listening to an awesome storm outside and feeling thankful that the storm held off until after the weekend was over. Kind of symbolic for me today actually. <BR> <BR> I had such a great weekend! On Saturday I went hiking with the kids (I've never gone hiking before a... Mon, 11 Oct 2010 22:08:45 EST Random thoughts.... I've been away from SP for a long time. I just realized that I've been averaging about one blog a month the last few months. I think about SP a lot and I know that I should have been logging on here more often, but thenI would have had to been accountable to someone and I wasn't ready for that. I haven't even been accountable to myself. I've back slid into all of the self-loathing that I've always felt and I've gained back every ounce that I once lost. How does one go for being so motiva... Sat, 9 Oct 2010 19:35:35 EST Baby Steps I'm started a major overhaul of most parts of my life over the last few weeks. I've been organizing and cleaning and purging "stuff" in my house which has restored a sense of control and calm in my mind. My last day of work was this past Thursday and I start my new job on the 9th. I've created routine/chore charts for my kids to help them and me get thruogh our morning and evening routines more easily. <BR> <BR> Now that I feel like my world is more manageable, I'm back to focusing on m... Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:50:19 EST Okay....I admit it.... I've been avoiding you all. I've quickly slid back into shame, embarrassment, and lack of insight. I've discovered that, no matter how hard I try, I'm an all-or-nothing, glass-half-full kind of girl. I've been self-medicating with food.....lots of food....and of course I've gained back some weight. Let me back up a bit... <BR> <BR> I hurt my back the same week that I was told i was losing my job. I'm not sure how I did it, but I'm sure stress played a major part of it. I went into ps... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 07:46:53 EST The good, the bad, and the ugly.... The good: I had a great weekend. We took the kids for an overnight trip from Saturday to Sunday to a local waterpark that's just over an hour from our house. We got there on Saturday morning about 1/2 hour after they opened and we stayed until about 15 minutes before they closed! I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to water rides. I was always too self-conscious to wear a bathing suit in public and I was too scared to try anything new. I can't believe I waited so long!!!! We all ... Mon, 26 Jul 2010 11:57:06 EST Another day.... Had a decent day at work today.....I realized how much I enjoy working with my co-workers and I'm sad that before I know it, I will have to transition to a new set of co-workers. I've had a few calls from places I've sent my resume wanting to set up interviews, so I'm a bit nervous about that. <BR> <BR> Got home from work and decided to try something new. I set the kids up with the TV, put on my workout gear, set the laptop up in the adjoining room, and popped in my workout DVD. What a di... Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:30:45 EST It's all about me today! Totally took a me day today. Got my hair cut, bought some new, much needed clothes (down one size since I started all this), picked the kids up from the sitter, then went to a friends house for a resume seminar/party that her HR friend put on for us. It was great! <BR> <BR> Didn't get home until 9 PM. The kids were 1.5 hours past their bedtime, so I shuffled them off to bed as soon as we walked in the door. Cleaned up a bit and then looked at my 2 week calander of workout goals. Saw I... Wed, 21 Jul 2010 22:13:24 EST Emotional eating triggers... I was thinking today, as I scarfed down some pizza, why I was eating what I was eating. I then started to list in my head all the things that trigger me to eat outside of reason. I am definately an emotional/situational eater. Here's what I came up with so far... <BR> <BR> General Triggers: <BR> 1. Good days. <BR> 2. Bad days. <BR> 3. Happiness. <BR> 4. Sadness. <BR> 5. Anger. <BR> 6. Boredom <BR> 7. Scraps on my kids plates. <BR> 8. My car. <BR> 9. My office. <BR> 10. Buffet's.... Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:01:01 EST God grant me the serenity.... to accept the things I cannot change....and so the saying goes. I've decided that good ol' healthy anger is a good motivator for me. It worked when laboring both my children, and it better work in laboring through this weight loss journey. No excuses. No self-pity. No letting life control me. <BR> <BR> Tonight, I got angry. As I purused through SP, reading friends' blogs, seeing their successes, and knowing full well that I should be at least 50 lbs lighter by now, instead I keep hover... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 22:08:25 EST Rough week I found out yesterday that I will only have a job until 12/31. I had the heads up last week that something major was going to be announced, but I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. My position, and many others, has been eliminated and the unit that I work in will be closed completely. I've never lost a job before and I'm angry that my longevity hinges on my senority in the county system rather than my job performance. Such is the life of civil service I supposed.... <BR> <BR> On on... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:26:11 EST 2nd thoughts for the day Wanted to jot down some more thoughts for myself about some milestones this week: <BR> <BR> 1. I was able to complete the 30 Day Shred (Level 1) tonight only stopping once durng those dang bicycle crunches at the end. I was able to do all the cardio which is a big deal - last week I could barely do the jumping jacks at all and tonight I did them all. <BR> 2. I joined a Biggest Loser summer challenge through one of my spark teams. <BR> 3. I joined a 30 Day Shred challenge, which I re-st... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 23:11:18 EST Confession Here are the things that are different: <BR> <BR> 1. I no longer care what others think. I don't shy away from eye contact. I'm not self-conscious about my clothes or how they fit. <BR> 2. I enjoy excercise. I like pushing myself just a little further. I like making myself sweat. Yesterday I woke up late and almost threw in the towel for my morning walk, but instead talked myself out of bed and did a brisk 17 minute walk rather than lay in bed for an extra 20 minutes. <BR> 3. I cra... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 22:50:15 EST Being sick will NOT throw me off track again! It seems like every single time I start a healthier routine, my body responds to the shock of it all by getting sick! Yes, I'm sick again. Just a cold, but I feel really awful. My son was sick all weekend with a fever and my daughter woke up sick today. I woke up and couldn't breathe out of my nose. <BR> <BR> Didn't go for my morning walk today, but did do the 30 Day Shred Level 1 Day 2. I'm feeling it now. Funny I was doing the cardio portions (jumping jacks and jump ropin... Wed, 30 Jun 2010 20:37:58 EST