ANGELEYES328's SparkPeople Blog ANGELEYES328's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Eye Opener about Choices I have thinking these thoughts all day. Thoughts about choices and what consequences they have. <BR> <BR> I worked 21 days in a row. Some days I ate better and exercised more than others. The choice was mine to make. On day 20 of working at 9 pm I felt so sad that it actually felt like my heart would break. I knew I was tired, more tired than I had felt in a very long time. I wanted to cry..just sit and cry. The next morning I found out that a cousin of mine had passed away..yes at 9 pm... Sat, 1 Nov 2014 23:01:42 EST I am so done. Yup, you read it right. I am so done, I am quitting. <BR> <BR> Egads..did I really just utter those words that sound like giving up. Yes I did. I am done and giving up on being down on myself. I am done with the thinking that other people should make me feel worthwhile. I am quitting on thinking that if I keep doing so much for everyone else then I will have "good" thoughts and feelings about myself. <BR> <BR> So yes I am done and quitting and so over it. LOL,,,that sounds so easy doe... Thu, 23 Oct 2014 12:29:03 EST Dealing with Depression I never thought I would ever be told I was depressed. I always have enjoyed my family and friends. I even enjoyed working and doing volunteer work. I looked for the positive in my life and I have survived a lot in life. <BR> <BR> Several months ago I started feeling tired, extremely tired, my muscles hurt. I had hot flashes..can I say UGH..big time. I thought it was part of aging..turning "29" again. This year I really did not enjoy turning a year older. This was in June. I felt li... Sat, 14 Sep 2013 00:28:35 EST It doesn't have to be either can be both. I used to have goals like 45 min/day exercise or more, log all my food. I did those goals then life got in the way. When I had those goals I wasn't working or working much at all. Now my days start at 6:30 am and I don't get home until 9 pm. Then of course, there are things that have to be done before I sleep. I could feel myself letting myself down. <BR> <BR> So the wonderful STOP team I am on came up with a more general challenge for the summer..state your goals, and chat about how yo... Sat, 6 Jul 2013 01:44:24 EST Learning the hard way You remember that phrase "You will have to learn the hard way"? Well I have been taught a lesson and I "learned the hard way". <BR> <BR> I made macaroni and cheese to share with several people, two of clients, and my brother. I keep one cup for me...yes, just one cup. It had sounded good and while it baked it smelt wonderful. So for dinner I ate that one cup along with a salad and other vegetables. I logged the food and stayed in my calorie range. <BR> <BR> Okay you ask...what was the ... Sun, 21 Apr 2013 18:22:08 EST I am blessed. I am very blessed. <BR> <BR> Today I took a day off from the world. It did not start as good be truthful yesterday didn't end so well. But this morning when I was printing out some paperwork for a job application, the printer ran out of ink. I didn't have enough oatmeal for was what I really wanted for breakfast. It really bugged reason..I just wanted to eat it before I went to the store. I was feeling bad anyway cause I had to listen to a friend talk about... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 21:47:56 EST Getting to my Goals Well part of this week's challenge is to blog about how reaching my weight and fitness goals will improve my life. <BR> <BR> I don't know for sure how it will be, but I know how so far my life has improved. I have been taken off all my meds. So I am sure I will stay that way..or so I am hoping. I have more energy now and I am hoping to stay feeling as good if not better as I lose more weight. <BR> <BR> My eating has improved so much. I don't have that urge to just give up...I do give ... Sun, 21 Oct 2012 21:59:35 EST Really Liking Myself. First of all let me say that this will probably be long and kind of on the emotional side for me. So you may want to skip reading This blog is mainly for me to finish healing, and to share. <BR> <BR> How to begin. I guess at the beginning..:). Two years ago I finally let myself be talked into having a full body photo taken. I put it up on my sparkpage. It wasn't But it was a starting point. So how did I get to that point and how have I got to the point of "Reall... Fri, 7 Sep 2012 15:33:46 EST Best Shake Ever. That should Actually saw this receipe on another site and made it the healthiest I could. It was the best homemade shake ever. Definately filled my chocolate craving. I just couldn't figure out how to put in the receipe <BR> <BR> Chocolate Shake <BR> <BR> 1 c skim milk <BR> 1 tsp vanilla <BR> 2 tsp unsweetened cocoa <BR> 2 tbsp sugar free, fat free instant chocolate pudding <BR> 2 tbsp lite cool whip <BR> 8 to 10 ice cubes <BR> <BR> Put all ingredients... Fri, 1 Jun 2012 21:52:03 EST Working through being scared I am in a challenge that doesn't focus on the scales. Since I am a very slow loser it has really worked for me ...up till a couple of days ago. <BR> <BR> All of a sudden I felt like nothing in my body was changing. This coming Monday I will be weighing in on the scale. I just feel like I haven't lost anything. I felt the "I don"t care" "I will always look like this", "I will never lose weight" feelings coming on. I felt very discouraged..I didn't walk for 2 days, I didn't watch what ... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:39:59 EST Looking Forward As I sit here drinking a cup of coffee...yes another one..Lol...I realize that I am changing. I have been looking more to forward rather than backwards. Let me see if I can explain. <BR> <BR> I have been on sparkpeople for several years. About 2 years ago I got more serious, then last year I got way more serious as health issues came up. For awhile I kept thinking about why I kept trying. According to charts and tables I hadn't done anything positive in a long time. Then several mont... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:46:24 EST Goals for 2012 I have been thinking about what goals I want for this new year. Not just for health, but for other parts of my life. <BR> <BR> My first priority is my health. I am going to continue to work on my eating and exercise. I want to hopefully get off some of the medicines I am taking. I am too young to be taking a fistful of pills every day. So that end I am going to set of goal of tracking my food daily and exercising 30 min daily for 5 days a week. Plus doing strength training 3 days a wee... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 19:59:56 EST An Insightful Thanksgiving. I learned a lesson during the Thanksgiving Day and the day ahead. I planned out my dinner with several "treats" for meal. Mashed potato and stuffing and a bread roll. I planned for calories, portioned the food out for two meals. I was very excited. The day before Thanksgiving I cooked this meal..I measured out my meals. I was very proud of myself, I was not going to overeat this year. Pat myself on back. <BR> <BR> Well pat myself on the back..on Thanksgiving, after work, I heated up ... Fri, 25 Nov 2011 22:42:11 EST A Twinkling Star Five years ago I met a young man about 20 yrs old..his name was Matt Sacco. He had the most beautiful twinkling eyes, an infectious smile, and a contagious smile. No one could be sad around him. Matt's mother worked with me and we became friends through our love of books and warped sense of humor. Matt gave and got lots of hugs. No one disliked him from co-workers to customers. Matt also worked with me and was definitely a favorite of everyone. He got through a bad relationship and had... Mon, 12 Sep 2011 03:16:56 EST Putting everything together I meant to blog more during this month, but life is crazy. I have enjoyed learning about the how and what I eat and more importantly the "why" I eat. Am I perfect now?....that is a big NO But I am more aware of what I am doing and in the long run I know it will pay off. Not only physical but emotionally also. I now believe that the two go hand in hand in losing weight. <BR> <BR> This last part of August I am putting together the exercise and the eating. Even little bits of ex... Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:39:15 EST Ending Week 1 - Starting Week 2 We mostly focused on exercising (walking and strength traning) on week 1. Week 2 will be focusing on eating. Saying that Dillion has my food journal and we will go over that this afternoon. <BR> <BR> Keeping a more detailed journal was interesting. I tracked my food on here and on paper. On paper I put down why I ate what I ate and what I was feeling when I ate it. I put down everything I put in my mouth. Looking it over last night I noticed some emotionaly eating and some eating out... Mon, 8 Aug 2011 14:18:49 EST Day 3 of Extra Credit Yesterday I wasn't ready for Dillion and exercise when he knocked on my door at <BR> <BR> Today I was up and ready with 1 cup of coffee and a glass of water under my belt..surprised For 2 days we have walked within my comfort zone. Today he pushed me out of my comfort zone. We went faster and farther. I felt like I was short of breath a couple of times. He had me take my pulse so I could feel that it was faster but steady. So we now have a goal of what I need to... Wed, 3 Aug 2011 12:57:57 EST Being a Extra Credit Project :) Yesterday ( Sunday), I spent time with Dillion. He is the med student who will be my coach for the month of August. We talked about what I want to accomplish this month and what he wants to accomplish this month. <BR> <BR> I am writing down goals for me which do not include living by the scale. Even tho losing weight is the ultimate goal. He wants 3 goals. So I am listing them. <BR> <BR> 1) Exercising without being scared that my heart will go into afib while I am away from home. <BR>... Mon, 1 Aug 2011 12:45:57 EST Morning Reflections I came back from my morning walk and drank some water. I poured a cup of coffee and started thinking. For me that could cause smoke out of my <BR> I added 2 minutes of jogging to my walk this morning in 1 minute at a time. Wow, this body really jogged, something I thought I would never do. I feel great this morning. <BR> <BR> Thinking back to a year ago and how awful I felt. Each day dragging myself out of bed and I do mean dragging. I was exhausted all the time, felt like ... Sat, 21 May 2011 13:20:08 EST Very Blessed I was sitting the other evening and started to feel sorry for myself. Being alone during the holidays isn't always fun. But then I started thinking about all the blessings that has come to me this last year. <BR> <BR> I am so very blessed that my house is paid off. That was a major stress relief. Other blessings that come to mind is being blessed to have the freedom to believe how I want to believe. So much is put on the commericalism of Christmas these days. But I believe in the true ... Sun, 12 Dec 2010 03:59:51 EST I am the train that could.... I am going to keep in chugging along, even tho I have been spinning my wheels on the scale. <BR> <BR> I remind myself of the things I can do better. Like this morning, I went a different route on my walk. It included going uphill, leveling off, then going downhill. When I turned around to come home I went uphill, leveled off, then downhill. Now when I walked this at the beginning of spring I had to stop halfway up the inclines cause I thought I wasn't going to make it. I realized on the... Mon, 8 Nov 2010 13:09:39 EST Changing into a new me As I was walking this morning, I started thinking about how I was this time last year. I was pretty bad. I went to work and came home. On my days off I didn't really do anything. Oh I made a token effort at walking, but would and could talk myself out of exercising really easy. <BR> I have been a member of sparkpeople since 2006 and had really done nothing. I felt pretty sorry for myself actually. <BR> <BR> This year started out pretty rough emotionally, but I have made it through it. ... Thu, 7 Oct 2010 15:21:25 EST Progressing along Today I was thinking that I sure hadn't lost much weight in this last challenge I was involved in. I started to get down on myself, then I thought..whoa there...think about what you have accomplished lately. So I started this mental list. <BR> <BR> It has been three weeks since I have taken a nap after work. I come home and do some work around the house. I even take some time to read and relax, but no naps. I have quite a bit more energy than I did even last month and I like that feelin... Sat, 4 Sep 2010 23:58:21 EST Gaining Perspective I have been on vacation for almost a week now and have several more days. It went by so fast. I had got several projects done around my house. <BR> <BR> The biggest project I have worked is my emotions. I am learning why I eat to my emotions. I write down my feelings at the time I want to eat. It is helpful to me to see what triggers my eating besides hunger. <BR> <BR> I have had several good eating days and have started a new challenge. I hope to lose 10 pounds during this challeng... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:32:12 EST Ending June What a month, yucky weather to start, but now it has been beautiful. I find the nicer weather is a positive influence on my attitude. I love getting outside and breathing the fresh air. Okay so maybe the hard yardwork could be what a workout. <BR> <BR> I read a blog on here that was so inspiring and if that person reads this she will know. I can't thank her enough for sharing her story. It got me back off the couch and into the moving world. <BR> <BR> July starts tomo... Thu, 1 Jul 2010 01:33:56 EST Living through grief, discouragment and anger It has been about 2 1/2 months since my best friend stopped chemo and about 1 month since she passed away. Since I was one of her main caregivers I spent alot of time with her. My life feels empty since we talked every day for over 20 yrs or almost every day. <BR> <BR> Two days after she was put to rest my baby cat died. Now I know to some that isn't a big deal, but to me it was. It was another loss. Three days after my friend's service my mortgage company told me I was default on my ... Fri, 18 Jun 2010 01:01:12 EST "Streaking Along" I am now starting to work on my third streak. My first one was just the simple act of longing in to sparkpeople. My second streak to work on was logging the water I drink each day. I am doing pretty good at that one. Missed one day due to computer being down, so it shows that I am starting over. But that is okay I know I have been streaking along on that one also. <BR> <BR> My third streak is to get in 90 minutes of exercise each week. I know it doesn't sound like alot of time working ... Mon, 10 May 2010 13:35:02 EST Finding me Alot has been happening and I lost myself. But now, I am finding me. I am a finding me by doing somethings for just me. At first I felt guilty because I usually do for everyone else first and myself last. I felt selfish and guilty....that led to emotional eating. <BR> <BR> I am learing that it is okay to say no. No..I can't work till 11:30 pm then go back to work at 6:45am. I need more sleep than that allows. No I can't chair that committee at this time. It is now, "Ask me if I can h... Mon, 3 May 2010 14:26:39 EST Angel's Shinning Stars If you have a question or want to log your daily goals that are met..or just want to vent. If you need encouragment..this will be your place to comment. It is just for whatever you want or need to say. <BR> <BR> Our team rocks. Tue, 5 Jan 2010 14:57:57 EST Re-energized I am feeling so much better. It is such a relief I feel like a weight has been lifted off my life. <BR> <BR> I did the 1 mile WATP dvd this morning. I admit I huffed and puffed thru it, but I completed it. My short term goal is to make it thru it easily and go on to the 2 mile walk. <BR> <BR> I went shopping with my sister and niece this last weekend. I had a great time but noticed things about me that definitely need changing. I couldn't walk as fast as they did. We took stairs up ... Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:04:59 EST Re-evaluating my goals and reaching them I have changed from a goal that was more or less unattainable to one that can be attained. <BR> <BR> What brought me to this change..changes in my life. What started out with a lump in back turned into heart damage. I thank God it was caught before surgery was needed, but it has made stop and think. <BR> <BR> I was put on medication that I didn't need and that caused the heart damage. The lump in back was not serious, it was and is a fatty cyst. Of course I will be award if it change... Tue, 3 Nov 2009 14:17:28 EST Slowly but surely I am still working on this. But I obviously have learned something. I say that with a laugh cause somehow even tho I had company and then more company this last week, I managed to lose 2lbs. I am very proud of myself. <BR> <BR> What I need to figure out is how come I have this mind set that I should lose faster. I don't know where it comes from. I am not in a race. I am changing my life and that takes time. <BR> <BR> So my journey continues. Fri, 9 Oct 2009 12:35:16 EST Working thru the blahs I have had a bad bad case of the blahs. I have no idea what brought it on. I have just been feeling like all I do is work. My life consists of working, for a living, for a healthier life, working to get my home repaired. What ever is happening I am working. And it got to me. <BR> <BR> Now the good thing is I didn't overeat. The downside was I didn't exercise. So this morning I walked 1 mile. It took me awhile I admit..about 25 min., but I did it. I also did my strength training. ... Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:26:54 EST Feeling Better Each day I notice I am feeling a little bit better. I am finding a bit more energy now. Health is so important. There are things in life I still want to do and I need to be healthy to do them. <BR> <BR> So now that the physical part of my health is being worked on, I need to deal with the emotional part. For me, I think that is the hardest. It is so hard to admit that I have gained weight back..yet again. I need to overcome the feelings of failing and look at the positive changes I hav... Fri, 4 Sep 2009 13:06:18 EST I am keeping on with life Still no word about the lump on my back. But I am just going to keep on with life. <BR> <BR> I have set new goals and I think they are realistic enough to keep up with them. <BR> <BR> Losing 10% of my body weight by Dec 18, 2009. <BR> <BR> Exercising 30 min at least 4 times a week. <BR> <BR> I am going to work at meeting these goals. Then I will add or change. <BR> <BR> So onward and upward. I can only fail if I don't try. Sat, 29 Aug 2009 13:28:55 EST I can only fail if I don't try I love that saying and it is so true. If I just wish my weight away it won't go...darn <BR> <BR> The last few days has been intense. During a massage a lump was found near my spine, a doctor felt it and now Thurs morning I will be seeing the doctor and go from there. For two days I have just worked and then tried to sleep. Yes I am worried. I woke up this morning feeling better, I have decided not to let this stop me. <BR> <BR> One good thing from all of this is I will be ge... Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:22:17 EST The month of Independance July is the month of independance. For me that means to become independant of food. Of thinking that food can cure all that is wrong with my life. <BR> <BR> That is my old way of thinking..I am a comfort food eater...I eat when I am lonely, when I am bored, or depressed. Not a way to live life. <BR> <BR> So starting today I am going to eat to fuel my body, to gain strength and to live. I am going back to measuring my food and journaling. <BR> <BR> For the month of June I lost 1/2 inc... Wed, 1 Jul 2009 11:56:33 EST From discouraged to being encouraged I got on my scale today and lost a pound. I thought wow after all the exercise I have done and how careful I have been, I only lost a pound. I felt like crying. <BR> <BR> Then I realized something. In the 3 months I have been back to sparkpeople (3 months tomorrow) I have lost 12.5lbs. That is equal to 50 cubes of butter. Now stack that many cubes..that is actually pretty awesome. <BR> <BR> I am exercising more than I ever have. I walk over 1.5 miles at least 5 days a week and job 2 m... Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:36:57 EST Moving in the groove This morning's walk was awesome. At first I thought I wouldn't walk, but then decided to anyway. I am so glad I did. Before I knew it I had done my 1.5 miles. Yes it took me 30 min to get it done. But I got into the zone of just breathing and walking, an inner peace filled me and I feel like I am ready for the day. It is an awesome feeling. Sat, 20 Jun 2009 13:48:01 EST Important to me Last week I didn't get any exercise in. I felt sluggish and a bit depressed. Today I walked and my attitude is so different. I even told a friend that this lifestyle is important to me. I like how I feel and I am losing weight slowly. I am gaining in self-confidence and that is important to me. <BR> <BR> This is my lifestyle and not a diet. Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:23:52 EST Rough Week Last week was rough on me. I usually work the afternoon shift and I worked day shifts. Since I am a cashier, I stand on my feet 8 hrs a day. I did no exercise and I feel so sluggish. I need to figure how to get some movement in when I work days. Even my housework is behind and I am feeling overwhelmed. Then yesterday it was like I didn't even care I was so tired. I got a sandwich and bag of chips. Then some ice cream...way over my calories. <BR> <BR> The only positive thing to com... Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:39:50 EST Inner confessions and a new month While I was walking this morning, I suddenly realized that I had been totally into the breathing and the stride of the walk. It was an awesome feeling. I also realized that I was feeling more feminine then ever before. I have been working on liking myself..for being me..not some model thin person that I used to think I had to be. I am done comparing myself to others. I am done feeling like a failure. I am so done with that kind of thinking. I walked 1 1/2 miles in 30 min., a new person... Mon, 1 Jun 2009 14:27:01 EST I did it again Changing an lifestyle of habits isn't easy. I came home from work last night extremely discouraged due to a new part-time supervisor. She is very hard to work with. I started eating immediately. <BR> <BR> This morning, I thought to myself, what are you doing giving in to those negative feelings. Eating won't make the supervisor better, it won't make me feel better either. So I got my butt up and went for a walk. I did my mile walk in 19 min again. I also am doing 75 sumo squats with... Wed, 27 May 2009 13:57:17 EST Meeting a Goal Today I met my first goal I have set for myself. I walk 1 mile in 19 min. I know it doesn't sound like alot, but since I have knee problems this was a great victory for me. <BR> <BR> I have also been more active. This morning I wanted to just sit. I have been painting the outside of my house and was very sore. I made myself walk and do strength training and I feel so much better. <BR> <BR> I am so proud of myself for committing. For not worrying about failing. For doing the best I c... Sun, 24 May 2009 14:37:51 EST Committed I have been doing alot of self-analyzing. I haven't been committed to losing weight, just interested. I would think if I didn't lose a certain amount of weight each week, I was a failure. <BR> <BR> The other morning I realized that I am not a failure, I am a normal person who will have ups and downs. I am working towards my goal and will continue to do so. <BR> <BR> Since that day I have been exercising more. I am walking 5 days a week now with a goal of walking in Relay for Life wa... Mon, 18 May 2009 13:46:13 EST Back to do this right I finally got a new computer and back to sparkpeople. I realized after getting on the scales that I really diidn't take very good care of myself. <BR> <BR> I was hit by on a drunk driver and got down. Physical and emotional pain really did a trip on me. I didn't walk, didn't watch what I ate. Now I am paying the price. <BR> <BR> But on a positive note, I am back today and started logging my food. I even got out and did some walking. Would have mowed my lawn if I could have started the... Sat, 28 Mar 2009 01:21:09 EST My Goals My goals for this coming week and through the holidays is to stay within my ranges. <BR> <BR> The new goal I have set for myself is to reach the exercise goal set for me. To burn 1470 calories a week. Doesn't sound like much..but I have never pushed myself hard enough to do that. It is so easy to tell myself I don't need to walk or work out. I feel so much better when I do..that is what I have to remember. Sat, 24 Nov 2007 14:53:45 EST Made It Well I did gain some weight..but knew I would. I am back to eating after not eating for a couple of days when I was sick. <BR> <BR> I didn't overeat yesterday and I am proud of myself. I enjoyed what I did eat and quit when I was satisfied. I am proud of myself. Usually I would have had seconds or thirds of mashed potatos and stuffing. It wasn't even a conscious thing to stop eating. <BR> <BR> I can do this journey. Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:38:42 EST My First Goal Reached Well I did it. I lost my first 10% of body weight. I am so happy, but kind of scared also. This is where I usually start gaining it back. I don't want to do that again. Also I have weighed this in years. I wonder if losing weight scares anyone else or just me. <BR> <BR> But I reached my first goal and that is what counts. Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:05:03 EST Goals I have set up some goals for this holiday season. I am going to move more, whether it be walking or doing my WATP DVD. I am not going to bake and have goodies just sitting around here for me munch on. I can have healthy snacks and some low calorie treats on hand. This is one holiday season I hope to get through without gaining. I know it is easier on me than alot of people because I don't have family that want treats..but I still battle wanting to bake this time of year. One day at a ti... Sat, 10 Nov 2007 12:05:51 EST