ANDRIANA11's SparkPeople Blog ANDRIANA11's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Checking in - Therapy Trying a new way of blogging <BR> Loading off thoughts and feelings Tue, 2 Jul 2013 15:02:35 EST Italy woke me up from my destructive restricting Café Minerva, Piazza Duomo, Athene's temple, Siracusa, Sicily, Italy. That is where I am writing from this very moment. I am attending a training with leading experts in my field. I was selected amongst 300 applicants and 100 of us made the cut. PhDs, experts, researchers and there is me, an unpaid intern. <BR> <BR> The past few days I have tried to climb my Everest, sometimes I succeeded other times I failed. Siracusa is known for its great food, its beautiful weather and its rich history. ... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 10:36:57 EST Binge free ? As I am working with my therapist, he has set me a challenge this week: to eat dinner prepared by my family and eat it with them. I haven’t had the occasion to do this yet. Partly because, I am still terrified, even if I know that a burger is not going to make me obese overnight and that I should trust myself and the lessons I learned to balance the next morning. Go for a run or have a salad. Still I am terrified. <BR> <BR> My brother is visiting again and this is always a stressful time f... Thu, 9 May 2013 09:16:52 EST No motivation to lift weights As I am going through : mood up then down <BR> Working on my therapy and trying to get in touch with emotions so that it does not affect my relationship with food. It is truly affecting my ability to motivate myself to do anything really <BR> Unfortunately this week and last that includes: to exercise- lifting weights and the gym <BR> <BR> I know it is important but my troubles are making me feel weak and sluggish <BR> <BR> Suprisingly, I have not had a rest day last week but I did more B... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:08:43 EST S.O.S maintenance confusion ... Why is the scale going UP? Weight keeps going up even if I log everything. <BR> Ate within my calorie range. Most times I did not even eat my exercise calories. <BR> Exercised 6 days this week. <BR> What am I doing wrong? <BR> <BR> My suggested BMR maintenance is 1440 cals and that is what I eat but I am confused. <BR> <BR> I have been increasing: dairy low fat, soya yogurt, brown bread and some rice, more sugar too. <BR> I think it might be the sugar. <BR> <BR> Any ideas sparkers? <BR> xoxoxo <BR> always yo... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 05:37:12 EST Body fat % stress is OVER Good morning everyone <BR> <BR> I never gave up looking for answers when I was told 5 weeks ago that if my BFP % was at 3 % With this number, I would be on hospital bed, forced fed and near death. <BR> My Personal trainer stopped all cardio and we focused on weight lifting only. <BR> Over the 5 weeks I had trouble increasing the 3% even though I ate gradually increasing my calorie intake after the restriction phase. I was at 980 cals now I am at 1500 cals (normal). No weight gain !! <BR... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 03:37:08 EST Chocolate & Maintaining It is easter week end <BR> <BR> My brother is coming to visit ! I am really happy ! <BR> <BR> I want to treat myself this week end with my mum and brother. <BR> I have not had chocolate in a very long time. I had half a bueno chocolate with my best friend last week and still lost weight. <BR> <BR> Now I am trying to maintain. Maintaining is different. I really want to have some chocolate with my family. But just to be on the safe side I am wondering how much I should. <BR> <BR> I am ... Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:18:06 EST Not so good ... Weigh in today = not good = Body fat percentage (BFP) went down again ! <BR> <BR> Increasing fat and calories again this week. <BR> <BR> I was so proud I already reached 1350 cals that is + 350 cals on what I used to eat !! <BR> <BR> But I will not give up because I want to be healthy and have energy. <BR> <BR> Why is it so difficult to increase my BFP? <BR> <BR> I am so used to the low fat that I prefer them. <BR> Now I need to snap out of it. <BR> Accept that I can eat to NOURIS... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 07:17:15 EST Week Maintenance Goals <BR> - Reach 1250-1400 cals on non-workout days <BR> - Add more olive oil to food <BR> - More weight training and cardio this week <BR> - Have one dinner with mum at the dinner table <BR> <BR> - Smile more <BR> - Pride myself in what I have achieved <BR> - Pamper myself ( I am thinking sauna ! ) <BR> <BR> Small steps ... <BR> Have a great week everyone <BR> <em>247</em> Mon, 25 Mar 2013 12:30:45 EST They say ....1200 cals BMR Hello all, <BR> <BR> Here is a little maintenance update. <BR> <BR> I am not a fan of numbers but being new to this maintenance phase. I am trying to be as careful as possible. I managed to increase to 1200 cals on NON WORKOUT DAY. Amen ! <BR> I was eating a lot less before. (980cals) <BR> <BR> It has been a week of 1200 cals. But the scale is still tipping down. I really want to maintain the weight I am in. <BR> <BR> My BMR is calculated at 1150 cals. So why am I still loosing weigh... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 09:57:09 EST Planning maintenance Goal reached ! <BR> <BR> 50kg .... 1 week later .... 49.6 kg.......1 week later .....49kg <BR> I am only 1.52 cm so my bmi is in the HEALTHY range. Amen ! <BR> <BR> Maintaining is a scary thing when you have never had to do it before. <BR> Last time I DIETed but did not have a LIFESTYLE change. <BR> <BR> My calorie intake was too low and I exercise a lot. Only 980 cal on work out days. SO time to get it under control because the reason for this was to be HEALTHY. <BR> <BR> From live... Mon, 18 Mar 2013 05:22:29 EST Towards maintenance The journey continues <BR> <BR> At the moment I am using my blog to plan the best approach and gradually increase my calorie intake without (too much ) weight gain. <BR> I quite like the way I look right now. <BR> I have moments, when I deliberately stare at myself in the mirror. <BR> Scanning my body head to toe. Why? <BR> Because it is time to accept it, love it and be proud of how far I've come. <BR> Loosing 27 kg was not a quick miracle. <BR> <BR> So <BR> <BR> After reading aroun... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 14:33:17 EST 30 days challenge in Yoga Hello all <BR> <BR> So I joined a 30 day challenge in Bikram Yoga. Remember the blog post about my little goal to stay in the room and not think about food. I hope over the 30 days I will be able to switch off the little voices in my head. At least for the 90 mins practice. <BR> <BR> I am already seeing my body change, and my strength and flexibility improve. <BR> <BR> BUT.... <BR> <BR> I had a detailed weigh-in this morning and body fat percentage is too low. My Personal Trainer advi... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 06:22:01 EST Little goal <img src=""> <BR> <BR> A portrait of me ATM <BR> <BR> Because I think about food too much. <BR> <BR> I know it is an effect of inner instability. <BR> <BR> But I should still work on it. <BR> <BR> My goal this week is to focus on meditating in the room during my yoga practices. <BR> <BR> One goal, a little step at a time. I will climb the mountain eventually. <BR> <BR> Love & LIght Sparkers <BR> Andriana <BR> Sat, 2 Mar 2013 12:04:15 EST Not all about FOOD So... <BR> <BR> I have not blogged lately. I write in my journal instead and my therapist takes a look at it to help me through this phase. <BR> <BR> What phase you might wonder? <BR> I have been struggling with controlling my food. Right now I weigh, count calories and exercise. So far there have been no under eating or over eating but I seem a little too controlling. That is my view. I get anxious when food does not go my way. <BR> <BR> Sounds like an eating disorder? <BR> I don't wa... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 04:18:14 EST Believing in myself as you know I have been going through some down days lately. I sought therapy and it is going great. I keep a healthy eating habit as much as I can and still exercise regularly. On top of that, I have learned that it is important to be selfish sometimes and cherish yourself. It is important to put ourselves first. So this week I will be focusing on me. <BR> <BR> My little goals for the week <BR> <BR> - believe in myself <BR> - believe that I can do it because I have done it before <BR> ... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 10:27:28 EST I promise I am trying ... To my spark family <BR> <BR> As you may have notice I am not blogging as often as I use to. <BR> Many evenings I thought about writing but my emotions were too extreme to translate them into words. I am working on myself at the moment. I am working on finding a balance with my feelings so that it won't affect my work, nutrition and my daily activities. <BR> <BR> It is not easy. I have a past with eating disorders. <BR> I thought it was gone, that it would fade away. But as I have lost a... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 09:03:21 EST Little signs of depression :( Oh no <BR> <BR> 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and I was on medication. It was a terrible phase. <BR> This week I have not been able to go to work or get my work done from home. It tookk me four days to update just my CV. <BR> <BR> The only thing I can do is go to Bikram yoga and the gym. At least I am still moving. <BR> I went to the doctor, initially to say that I could not sleep (for 6 weeks now). Instead, insomnia seems to be the result but not the cause. Stress, lack... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 03:56:01 EST Lost weight over the holidays Happy new year to you all <BR> <BR> I am thrilled to start this year with my new body. So thrilled. <BR> I enjoyed the holidays to the max. My family was beautifully receptive of my physical transformation. I was still extremely careful about my nutrition whilst enjoying every moment. <BR> We hiked a lot and moved house so I got to do some heavy lifting. On top of relaxing under the sun at the beach. <BR> <BR> My first day back at the gym was not the best. I lost some muscle mass and my... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 09:33:08 EST Only 100 grams? Goodmorning sparkers ! <BR> <BR> I hesitated whether to blog about this. But here I am. <BR> I weighed in with my personal trainer yesterday and I only lost 100 grams. he was not disappointed though because I gained some muscle mass. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I was fine with only loosing 100 grams. <BR> Today I have mixed feelings. I have been upping my calories because they were much too low now I am at around 1000 calories on non work out days. I feel this is alright for now as I do not wa... Mon, 17 Dec 2012 03:51:35 EST I do not deserve this :( My ex-boyfriend and I broke up on good terms. No cheats, no games, no lies. <BR> The words came out of my mouth but he said he wanted to break up too. <BR> <BR> He works in the same institution as me. He is a mover. <BR> I am planned to change office, I should have been moved on thrusday, then friday, then monday. Now... who knows when ! <BR> <BR> I do not deserve this. Whatever his reasons may be. <BR> I am going to keep my calm and pretend that I could not care less about the move. <... Tue, 11 Dec 2012 07:50:23 EST Getting used to my face The title may sound strange but this is exactly my new goal: "to get used to what my face looks like now." <BR> <BR> You see, even when I was obese - 80 kg for 150 cm. I was relatively pretty (at least that is what people said). In fact no one really new that I was obese because I knew how to hide it with my clothes and my face was not hideous. They never new the statistics, the weight, the BMI and the high sugar level. <BR> <BR> This was me at 80 kg .... my heaviest <img src="http://pho... Mon, 10 Dec 2012 05:55:52 EST Getting back on track ... Slowly Last week I was sick for two days. Not really sick but burned out. I forced myself to two consecutive rest days and it paid off. After that I did hot yoga for three consecutive days and held up my intense strength training sessions. I was not ready yet, I was not motivated and felt my body needed to soak up the benefits of the week before. <BR> <BR> Again it paid off. I still lost weight. <BR> <BR> The downside was when I went back to my strength training session. I lacked a lot of energy... Thu, 6 Dec 2012 05:46:11 EST I am an ex ... What a year ! <BR> <BR> So much has happened: <BR> <BR> - Moving to the Netherlands <BR> - Moving back in with my mother <BR> - Unpaid internship <BR> - Masters of Law graduation <BR> - Weight loss (20kg - Thank you Jesus, support and healthy lifestyle) <BR> - Turning 24 <BR> - My first "boyfriend" ( lasted 5 months) <BR> - My first "break-up" (which I initiated) <BR> <BR> Here I am on a bright December morning with a smile on my face. <BR> <BR> I broke up with my boyfriend two ni... Wed, 5 Dec 2012 04:28:15 EST Meal replacements - Yay or Nay ? What are your experiences? <BR> What are your opinions on meal replacements? Shakes, bars etc... <BR> <BR> I usually have them: a chocolate or white chocolate protein bar to satisfy my cravings. It is around 210 cals and I have it with a fruit in the morning as breakfast. Thus my breakfast would be around 265 cals. (Btw: do you think this is too little?) <BR> <BR> My problem is that it is so small and compact for so much calories even if my mind thinks I am eating chocolate. LOL <BR> I ca... Mon, 3 Dec 2012 08:02:34 EST Dream weight ? ... in time Good evening sparkers, I come to you with some news <BR> <BR> 25.9 BMI <BR> <BR> I could not wait to tell you all that despite a very rested week- two consecutive rest days and light exercise at the start of the week- at my last ever weigh in with my dietitian I lost an additional 2 kg. Thus almost meeting the goal we set out in the beginning, despite the 800 stubborn grams. But I am ok with this. <BR> <BR> Right now my bmi is 25.9 but who says it will not be in the normal in a few week... Sun, 2 Dec 2012 14:49:58 EST My body is giving me signs Literally ! <BR> <BR> This week I am listening to my body. Listening to what it is trying to tell me. <BR> <BR> Sunday I was on top of my game during my training. <BR> <BR> Monday at bikram yoga : I made it to the end of the class, but barely I was exhausted. Post yoga, I almost over ate when I arrived at home. My body was trying to compensate from the tiredness. I know this for sure! <BR> <BR> Tuesday (today): I think I will rest. I want to be "top shape" again tomorrow for my stre... Tue, 27 Nov 2012 11:01:46 EST Rest days are a gift to my body Good morning sparkers <em>9</em> <BR> <BR> Last week, after my wednesday training with a personal trainer, I noticed how weak I was during the training. We increased the intensity of my workout. I usually adapt fast, except that day I was lacking energy compare to other days. <BR> <BR> So I reflected on what may have affected my energy level... I went for a run on tuesday morning and did not sleep enough that night. Naturally I did not have enough energy during my training the next da... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 03:45:52 EST Too little? Here I am again with the questions on nutrition and exercise. <BR> With all the information I am learning sometimes I get confused and too strict with myself. The good news is I am back on the wagon, motivated and focused. <BR> <BR> I was wondering if anyone knows... <BR> <BR> I have been tracking my food on spark. <BR> Used a kitchen scale lately to get my portions right. I was very reluctant to get one, but it seems I had some portions all wrong. <BR> <BR> I exercise 5-6 times a wee... Tue, 20 Nov 2012 10:18:02 EST Happy days Dear Sparkers <BR> <BR> If you have been reading my past posts, you will notice in my writings a hint of confusion, desperation, lack of determination and disappointment. Turns out, I really just needed to be patient with my body, as many of you suggested. <BR> <BR> I stopped stressing out about the scale not moving or going up and continued with my healthy habits. I was also very mindful not to eat too little, I cannot let my body go into starvation mode. It seems to be doing that quite ... Mon, 19 Nov 2012 04:11:34 EST Gained 700 grams - Confused Good morning <BR> <BR> So despite my resolutions last week, it seemed nothing worked. <BR> <BR> * I added some meal replacements (of different brands) to try and control my calorie intake. <BR> * I worked out more. <BR> * Logged more <BR> * Increased my calorie intake on some days <BR> <BR> Notes: <BR> * I seemed a little obsessive <BR> * Constipated <BR> * Sometimes tired as if I did not eat enough <BR> <BR> Result = weigh in = + 700 grams <BR> <BR> CONFUSED <BR> <BR> Dietiti... Mon, 12 Nov 2012 04:42:08 EST Breaking my plateau (No weight loss) Dear sparkers <BR> <BR> Since you are a wealth of knowledge and experience on healthy living and healthy weight loss. You are my first choice for advice. <BR> Thank you for the previous ones. I am extremely grateful !!! <BR> <BR> I have hit a plateau (no weight loss) for two weeks now. <BR> Apparently it happens to everyone. <BR> I panicked at first but now I am calm. <BR> <BR> So I am reviewing my habits to try to break out of this plateau. <BR> <BR> I understand that every "body" ... Thu, 8 Nov 2012 06:53:30 EST Feeling Better Dear all <BR> <BR> Although I cheated and ate unhealthily on Friday (post-weigh in), I continued my healthy habits after that. <BR> <BR> I had a few meal replacements to make sure I did not exceed my calories again. <BR> I am not a fan of them but they are convenient when I have no time to prepare a healthy lunch before work. <BR> <BR> My workouts have been going great. I increased my cardio and will be exploring outside running this week end. <BR> <BR> My next weigh-in is this frid... Wed, 7 Nov 2012 04:47:48 EST Patience I cannot control my body <BR> I can only increase my efforts <BR> <BR> I will not give up my journey <BR> This healthy lifestyle feels beautiful <BR> <BR> I believe, it will all be worth it <BR> I trust it will become a second nature <BR> <BR> So I am taking it <BR> One day at a time <BR> <BR> <BR> Thank you for your advices, support and encouragement fellow Sparkpeople <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> <BR> Andriana <BR> Tue, 6 Nov 2012 05:05:31 EST Cheated - worst week ever I am about to leave the house but I needed to write something before I do. <BR> <BR> Last night I cheated on my diet for the first time in 6 months. <BR> I ate: two pieces of chocolate , Fruit paste, white bread and honey and a sultana cake 2 pieces and loads of fruit and dinner. <BR> <BR> So now I am desperate ... <BR> I am not giving up I just dread this week's weigh in.... <BR> <BR> THis week has been the worst, especially as I am closer to my goal. <BR> My doctor says I am losing... Sat, 3 Nov 2012 05:36:06 EST Dieting in silence - Hurt Last night I had a huge argument with my mother. <BR> <BR> My brother came over for the holidays. <BR> He congratulated me on my weightloss and asked about my diet plans. Naturally, I told him about : my workouts , BMIs, and my weigh ins. <BR> <BR> My mother has been a great support throughout this journey. <BR> She was always in the forefront encouraging me. <BR> Yesterday, things changed. She started saying, I should STOP my diet and exercise. <BR> <BR> I sensed some hypocrisy in he... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 09:28:12 EST More fatigue, little loss Dear all <BR> <BR> I am down this road again. <BR> <BR> I went to hot yoga three times last week and once to the gym (strength and cardio). I ate less and had a protein shake in the morning of yoga and after my gym to minimize muscle loss. <em>357</em> <BR> <BR> My weigh in was thursday. I lost 600 grams. Truthfully, I expected more weight-loss because I increased my nutrition and exercise effort during the week. So I was again a little disappointed. But it's ok, I guess it is still ... Mon, 29 Oct 2012 05:33:12 EST Worried ? Last week I only lost 600 grams and not that it is not a loss. <BR> I am just a little worried, because I expected more because I ate a lot less and exercised more over the course of that week. <BR> <BR> What am I doing wrong? <BR> Has anyone been through this: eat less, exercise more, but little to no weightloss. <BR> <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> Tue, 23 Oct 2012 06:41:24 EST Sparkpeople --- I need you To all <BR> <BR> Another week has begun. <BR> This afternoon I found myself looking at my old photos. <BR> I was searching for motivation because lately I have been feeling a little emotionally tired. <BR> <BR> Those around me seem to notice my weight-loss but being the unsatisfied person that I am, I have to admit I have some difficulty seeing the difference. <BR> <BR> At the sight of my pictures, it was not my old physical appearance that shocked me most. It was the emotions that it s... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 10:08:30 EST Lessons learned Dear SP <em>129</em> <BR> <BR> I am so glad I signed up to this site. <BR> It is such a great companion in my journey. <BR> I always find guidance whether happy or sad and for that I am truly grateful to Sparkpeople. <BR> <em>88</em> <BR> <BR> My weightloss has been great lately, although I feel rather tired every now and again. So I incorporated some vitamins in the morning to give me a boost. I feel a little better already. <BR> <em>30</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> This week, my p... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 08:46:38 EST Fear of weighing in I have a weigh in later today and I am terrified. <BR> A summary of my week seems decent in terms of dieting, so I am expecting at least a little weight loss. <BR> But I never know what to expect because I cannot stand fixating on calorie counts. i simply make sure that I eat healthy and simple food. As much as I can I exercise. <BR> <BR> I just wanted to share a little worry. <BR> I don't know who else to address to. <BR> <BR> Gladly there is <BR> <BR> Best <BR> And... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 08:10:00 EST Sparkconfess I am so tired today. <BR> <BR> I am coming down with a flu. <BR> The diet is going really well but I realized I still have a long way to go. <BR> At least 10 weeks until I reach my ultimate goal. <BR> I need to stay motivated. <BR> For inspiration, I started buying glossy magazines again. <BR> I know I will never look like that, but I could work towards it and enjoy the result down the line. <BR> Right now I am simply exhausted. <BR> I lost 1.3 kg last, week quite an achievement cons... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 05:57:06 EST 11 kg lost and so I told him Dear SparkFriends <BR> <BR> My last weigh in was two days ago. I was happier than the last one when I only lost 100 grams. This time 2 kg dropped out of my body and I have crossed the half way line. <BR> <BR> Truth is, the week I only lost a few grams was the result of my outings with my boyfriend. I was conscious of the decision I made. Then, I was not ready to tell him nor impose conditions early on in our relationship. He keeps telling me I am beautiful and so I felt he would not unders... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 07:53:20 EST 6 kg in 7 weeks <em>67</em> Well, <BR> It has not been 1 kg a week unfortunately and throughout I realised that life gets in the way of my "dieting". So I just have to adapt it to whatever it is I am up to. At times I was able to loose 2 kg in one week. Other times just 500 grams in a week. My main obstacle have been my friends and family wanting to eat out or snack in front of the TV. I do not exactly want to expose the fact that I am dieting. So it becomes evermore challenging to say "no". <BR> <BR> I... Fri, 27 Jul 2012 04:49:00 EST Xenical About two weeks ago I had an appointment with a dietician. He weighed me and evaluated my need and want to lose weight. He asked me a crucial question: Are you doing this for yourself? And without hesitation I answered YES. That was not a lie, I really am doing this for myself. I guess that is already one step in the right direction. I had tears in my eyes. It was a reflection of my desperation. So we both agreed that I would take xenical and combine it with a low fat diet. He did not stress ... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 07:03:17 EST 981 calories and a little tired So today I spent the day at home, writing as usual. <BR> I missed breakfast because I woke up at 11 am, so instead I had a cup of Caramel Latte around noon. Then for my late lunch I had some pasta, my portion was smaller than usual, because it was a smaller pasta packet. Usually I am really bad with portions, I guess that packet helped, I am noting that down for next time. I just had dinner, a light one with loads of broccoli and some protein. I feel a little tired and on edge though. So sin... Mon, 11 Jul 2011 15:40:25 EST Ousting pancakes Good morning community, <BR> <BR> Did you know I love pancakes in the morning? Well I do. But it turns out they are extremely high in fat and calories. So if I have 3 in the morning, my opportunity to eat lovely food during the day is lessened. So I really have to find a way to eliminate pancakes for awhile, as I embark upon this quest for a healthier lifestyle. I have one more pancake in the fridge which I plan to eat tomorrow morning. Then substitute it with something else for breakfast. ... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 12:00:25 EST