AMETHYSTSTAR's SparkPeople Blog AMETHYSTSTAR's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Shock...Anger... Trying unsuccessfully to wrap my brain around what happened here last more tragedy to add to my “hows and whys” ... <BR> <BR> The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming and I am so proud of my city and my neighbors! We may never know the why...but we are united and we are strong. <BR> <BR> I took this picture this morning as I was crying and trying to make some kind of sense out of this whole thing. <BR> <BR> * * * * * * * * <BR> <BR> And still the sun ... Mon, 2 Oct 2017 21:30:48 EST Shock...Anger... Trying unsuccessfully to wrap my brain around what happened here last more tragedy to add to my “hows and whys” ... <BR> <BR> The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming and I am so proud of my city and my neighbors! We may never know the why...but we are united and we are strong. Mon, 2 Oct 2017 21:26:11 EST Lovely vacation....back to "real" life with lessons learned <BR> It's hard to believe it's back to work tomorrow. I am relaxed and pleased with what I have accomplished. I am going to make a concentrated effort to keep this feeling of peace flowing through me come what may. <BR> <BR> During this time, I have learned that I have to make appointments with myself for meditating, and journaling. These two components are going to be as integral to my health and well-being as are eating well and exercising. I am also creating little rituals to enhance my... Sun, 4 Jun 2017 12:42:13 EST Once More With Feeling After having wandered through the first 6 months of the year in a hazy daze, I find the haze is lifting finally and I want/need to get back with my program. The first few days are dedicated to clearing out ALOT of accumulated clutter in my room so I can get back to my exercising/dancing. <BR> <BR> In addition to clearing out the physical clutter, I am knee deep in clearing out the emotional clutter as well. I have been on vacation for the last two weeks and a good chunk of my time has been... Fri, 2 Jun 2017 12:33:08 EST Monday musings I'm still feeling cruddy, not sure if it is a cold or just hyped up allergies due to the high winds and higher pollen count we have had the past few days. I really want to curl up and go back to sleep. <BR> <BR> I find that when I'm not feeling well all I want is comfort food...apparently my self-control flies out the window. Luckily I don't have much in the house at the moment (I usually do my shopping on Sunday), so I have managed to avoid mindless noshing. <BR> <BR> Feeling rotten asid... Mon, 3 Apr 2017 07:05:59 EST Down time today I had plans to go out and spend some time at the park and see "Beauty and The Beast." However, I woke up at 2:00 with a sore throat and very stuffy head. So today is a quiet day of self-care and nurturing. Pajama Day! Hopefully, very early in the day (as in any minute now), I can take a wee nap, then lose myself in my book. I have soup, tea, my blankies and pillows. I think I'm set. I can run around next weekend... <BR> <BR> <em>527</em> <em>282</em> <em>530</em> (Gonna knock it out... Sun, 2 Apr 2017 11:38:32 EST Progress! I have a floor! *LOL* I packed up all my winter clothes away, dusted (between living in the high desert a mile from a quarry, it's a losing battle, but it looks nice for now), vacuumed and am working on two more loads for the dryer. I still have lots to do (A LOT of decluttering which will take steps!) I am pleased with what I accomplished today <BR> <BR> It is very warm today, it's currently 88 out and 82 in the house with the windows open. I had to stop working. My room gets... Sat, 18 Mar 2017 18:29:32 EST Planting seeds and celebrating the possibilites I have a whole weekend for the first time in three weeks! I have been working 10 hour days and 5 1/2 day weeks. Combine that with not sleeping well during that time and I am exhausted. Last night was the first time in weeks I slept deeply and only woke up twice. After the second time, I manage to sleep until 6:00! That is unheard of for me! <BR> <BR> So today is getting everything done that I have not had the time nor energy to do since forever! Loads of laundry, cleaning my poor, very messy... Sat, 18 Mar 2017 12:47:12 EST Time to take charge again (Putting Grim in time out) It has been a hectic few weeks since my last post. I'm working lots of overtime again and it looks as if this will keep up for some time. I have worked half days three Saturdays in a row, not to mention the 1.5 or more hours OT a day during the week. I have let so much go to pot these last few weeks, myself included! Grim has been having a field day and I have been too tired to out him in his place. <BR> <BR> Well, I weighed in yesterday and have put on 5 pounds. So yeah, I'm done! It's tim... Mon, 13 Mar 2017 07:02:48 EST Back to work I had a nice, if quiet birthday 🎂. I enjoy my alone time, but would have enjoyed so much more, sharing my special time with a friend(s). It's just not the same. Bought a couple of gifts for myself, got my nails done, bought myself flowers, and took myself to lunch. <BR> <BR> Set my goals, working on the steps to get me to my goals. <BR> <BR> Any way, I am back at work.This is going to be a nice, short week. Tue, 21 Feb 2017 09:11:28 EST Preparing and Planning for my upcoming New Year Today is the first day of my mini vacation. And what a wonderful day it is! It is cold, windy, and rainy outside...I am snuggled up in my favorite sweatpants and very favorite Winnie the Pooh Sweatshirt. <BR> <BR> Last night I turned off my alarm and managed to sleep in until 5:00. Considering I am usually up at 2:00, this was something! I have my fairy lights on as well as my salt lamp. I had a lovely breakfast of oatmeal and a mocha latte. I have Yanni playing softly in the background and... Fri, 17 Feb 2017 12:44:04 EST One week later and I'm fabulous! The crud got me good. I stayed down all weekend and dosed myself with meds, tea and sleep. I stayed home Monday and Tuesday as much as I hated to do so. I slowly started to feel better and yesterday I felt like myself again. As a matter, I feel better than I have in some time. <BR> <BR> I woke up this morning feeling so full of energy that I decided to tackle my room and bathroom. (which is not to say that over exerted myself, I took lots of breaks.) During my brief round of depression a cou... Sat, 4 Feb 2017 22:57:47 EST It got me! I woke up yesterday morning with a tight chest and rattling cough that came out of nowhere. I stopped at the store on my way to work to buy an arsenal of medications, soup, tea and honey to help make the journey a bit easier. I felt ok during the first part of the day, but as the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. I was ever so grateful that it was Friday and I had the weekend to just take care of myself. <BR> <BR> I was wide awake at 3 am, stuffy and sore throat, so I have the full nastin... Sat, 28 Jan 2017 07:33:57 EST Taking Baby Steps and preparing to enjoy Switched off Sunday! Making eating is pretty much under control, I am moving a bit more, despite the foot pain. My attitude is much better and I am back to my more or less optimistic self. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I worked on my room some more. Did a little rearranging, which changed the feel of my space for the better. I was pretty much on my feet for 3 hours straight and in spite of not doing any dedicated exercising, according to my Fitbit, I managed to burn 645 calories. Not bad! *LOL* <BR> <BR> So... Sun, 22 Jan 2017 12:17:48 EST Been a while....but here I am! Well, the switch has finally flipped on! I was afraid there for while it wouldn't. It's been a rough little bit, but I knew it wouldn't last. My clothes are snugger, but I know I can fix that! So here I am...ready once again. <BR> <BR> Hours are finally back to relative normal at work, which helps SO much. I still work the occasional Saturday (which I really don't like doing as it make my weekend even shorter and I never feel like I accomplish as much) I had a great review, which surprised ... Sun, 15 Jan 2017 23:32:39 EST Long Month so far This has been a month of few ups and a lot of downs. I have not felt well for weeks but cannot pinpoint what ails me. In the words of Lucy Ricardo in the episode she found out she was pregnant..I'm feeling dauncy... a word her grandmother used when she wasn't sick...just not feeling like herself. I like the word, it simply fits. <BR> <BR> Faire was wonderful but exhausting. work...massive overtime and not time for much of anything else, I am sleeping less than 6 hours a night acco... Sun, 16 Oct 2016 12:18:59 EST Such a sad time Last night a member of my Colorado faire family died. I'm still trying to process it.There are no words. Tue, 4 Oct 2016 22:01:51 EST Sunday night ...where does the time go? Feeling a little better, still not close to where I was. I keep pushing forward,but often times find myself sitting more than moving. I lost both my Spark activity tracker and my fitbit zip so I finally broke down and purchased a Fitbit Alta (in plum of course!) The set up was easy enough, however it will take time to get used to wearing a bracelet all the time. I don't even wear a watch. At least it is not fall off when I'm walking. *LOL* The only thing I really don't care for is the difficu... Sun, 2 Oct 2016 21:21:03 EST Monday's over...yay Worked on Saturday, did laundry and finally had a movie night with my Lil Bit. I have missed our weekly date nights. My little mini me is already becoming a mini tween at the tender age of 9. I was much more of a little girl at 9 than she some times seems. *grins* But she still has her moments! *LOL* <BR> <BR> Sunday I treated Roomie, Lil Bit and a mutual friend to Sunday Brunch. Roomie's divorce is finally official and our friend had a not so happy birthday last week. Not to mention it has... Mon, 26 Sep 2016 21:08:46 EST Tuesday morning musings and a light bulb moment Completely slept through my alarm by an hour... I woke up a half hour before my alarm went off, and laid in bed planning my day. I fell in to a deep sleep and woke up at 3:00. Missed my gym time, but have ample opportunities to walk today. I will not be deterred! <BR> <BR> I had a good work out yesterday. I love being there so early (I was there at 3:00), I had the whole room to myself to explore. I walked the treadmill, tried the elliptical machine (Now THAT will take some time to use it f... Tue, 20 Sep 2016 07:27:08 EST Well...not quite as much done as I had planned, but a good start! I kind of overestimated my energy level and how much I really need to do! Too much for one day. I got laundry done and made headway on my room, but I just ran out of steam! Luckily Fall cleaning is just that and I have a few weeks to do everything I want do. I just need to pack my gym bag and get a good night's sleep! Tomorrow I hit the gym! Sun, 18 Sep 2016 19:14:48 EST Active day planned Today is the first day I have had the time and energy to do some heavy cleaning and laundry! Between being gone Labor Day weekend and being exhausted last week, not to mention starting my Fall cleaning, I have my work cut out for me! <BR> <BR> My first load of laundry is on and I've had breakfast. Once everyone is up, I will start my cleaning. I'm going to rearrange my room a bit. With going to the gym before work, I will have time to finally devote myself to establishing a meditation routin... Sun, 18 Sep 2016 12:18:22 EST Moving forward and feeling fabulous! I chose not to work today (Yay me), but I did get up and walk for almost an hour. There is a park not too far from me that has a huge area of grass that can hold two or more soccer games at a time. There is a concrete path the encircles it. According to the description on the website, the walking path is approximately 2/3 of a mile. The field and walking path are set in a basin which has stairs or a inclined path that leads down to the field. I walked up the stairs and up and down the inclin... Sat, 17 Sep 2016 19:02:53 EST 1 step back, 2 steps forward...overall I'm pleased Weigh in today...up 3 pounds. Considering how poorly I have been feeling for the last several days and lack of energy for much exercise, I can handle this. Especially in light of the fact that I have lost 3 inches in my bust and 4 inches in my waist. WooHoo!! I have not lost any in my hips, but I carry the majority of my weight in my belly and that figures in my hip measurement. I have a sneaky feeling that this is the last area in which I will see any kind of change. I KNOW I will see chan... Wed, 14 Sep 2016 20:58:46 EST It's been a weird few days Work has been crazier than normal and I am still working a lot of overtime. I worked 4 hours on Saturday, working intensely on familiarizing myself with the upgrade to our new program we are transitioning to over time. I got to work early and I walked for 30 minutes before everyone arrived. <BR> <BR> After work I had to do some shopping and it was then I really noticed the fatigue setting in. My whole body started aching as I walked around Wal Mart and standing in the long line to check ou... Mon, 12 Sep 2016 07:21:08 EST A weekend to remember I had the best LaborDay weekend I've had since before I got sick! I had a wonderful time with old friends and new. We visited, laughed (Sometimes hysterically), played, ate, saw the new Star Trek movie (Which we all loved) and relaxed. It was as I remember the parties being. I was sublimely relaxed and content when I got home yesterday. I'm still smiling and giggling at the memories! I'd forgotten how good this feels! Life really is good and I am so thankful for everything and everyone in my ... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 07:24:02 EST Such a relaxing weekend I am having the best time! One of my best friends invited me to stay in his room for the weekend, so I am in the thick of things! The beds are so comfortable and I slept in til 7:00! That's unheard of!!! *LOL* <BR> <BR> Before I came, I cut up celery, and carrots, bought some cherry tomatoes, sandwich thins, turkey, cheese and apples to bring with me. Yea for hotels with fridges! Between my walking, dancing and low cal breakfast and lunch, I can have a nice dinners this weekend. <BR> <BR> ... Sat, 3 Sep 2016 20:00:55 EST Huzzah for September! While the weather is most definitely still Summerish, today marks the first day of my favorite time of year! While Autumn doesn't officially start for a couple of weeks, I can already feel the internal shift starting; change is in the air! I am so excited! <BR> <BR> <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> Today is the first day of my mini vacation. Every Labor Day weekend, an online group of people I have known for years, ge... Thu, 1 Sep 2016 09:14:56 EST Omigosh! I did it! I hit two milestones today...30 pounds since joining Spark People (2007)and 50 pounds all told since my divorce (2002). It has taken me a very long time to get to this place, and what a journey it has been! I never thought I could do this and it gives me hope and determination to continue on my journey. Time to bump up the game! WooHoo! <BR> <BR> <em>104</em> <em>521</em> <em>244</em> <em>185</em> <em>88</em> Wed, 31 Aug 2016 07:39:18 EST Sunday night...again I believe my three Saturdays of overtime and daily overtime during the weeks has caught up with me. I woke up with a headache and absolutely no energy whatsoever. I listened to my body and had a jammie day of rest. I'm exhausted and looking at an early bedtime. <BR> <BR> I ate lightly today as I didn't exercise, but after a good night's rest I will jump right back into the game tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I have been on the site off and on today and was pleased to have been invited to join the Bea... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 20:46:23 EST A great ending to a long week Very happy the week is over! Loved the way it ended. 12 pounds down as of this morning and 3 shirts that fit now! Woohoo! And as I was leaving this afternoon one of my co-workers asked if I was losing weight...she could see it in my face! It certainly gives me the impetus to keep pushing myself. <BR> <BR> I had a rest day, I noticed some little pains in my legs, I may have been over doing it little. Love the results, but I want to be able to keep it up so Fridays will be rest day as well as... Fri, 26 Aug 2016 22:09:22 EST Kudos to All of Us...No matter where we are in our Journey! (Formerly titled Surprised) **Okay, this was at the end of this entry, but it it feels as if it should go first as it was what dancing around my head before I actually said it! <BR> <BR> *I think we get so caught up in the doing (which is not a bad thing) and wishing we could do more (despite knowing we need to take baby steps), and comparing ourselves to others (a huge no no) that we lose sight of how far we have come! I mean, stop to think about it. We all had to start at the beginning, we all have our ups and downs... Tue, 23 Aug 2016 07:44:50 EST Things I look forward to As I progress on my journey there are some things I am REALLY looking forward to in the hopefully near future! <BR> <BR> *My hips not hurting when I walk <BR> *Losing some more of my belly so I can do knee lifts and kicks higher and better <BR> *Being able to raise my arms up with weights more then 3 or 4 times in a row <BR> *Being able to do jumping jacks or jumping rope without being afraid of seriously hurting myself (I don't do these now, but I WILL!) <BR> *Walking for longer and l... Mon, 22 Aug 2016 07:23:07 EST Slow and lovely Sunday What a great day so far! I slept 'til 6:30, Sparked for a bit, had breakfast then walked for 48 minutes while watching DS9. I chatted with a dear friend in England, logged my exercise (I used 3 pounds weights for some upper body strength training as I walked) and I'm now ready for lunch. It seems as if it should be later, but it is only 1:00. Gotta love days that linger and don't fly by. I wish I experienced more of them. <BR> <BR> I hope everyone is having as nice a day! Sun, 21 Aug 2016 16:01:55 EST Busy Saturday Up early again...treated myself to one breakfast burrito and a small mocha frappe at McDonald's on the way to work. Once there I walked for 24 minutes around our parking lot. *grins* Had the waning moon on one side of me and a spectacular sunrise on the other. What a marvelous way to begin my day. <BR> <BR> We got almost all the referrals scanned in! *HUZZAH* It would have been all of them, except my co-worker had another seizure. It was worse this time and she didn't come out of it as q... Sat, 20 Aug 2016 19:50:46 EST The magic of Music Apparently the feelings of yesterday decided to linger through today. I woke up in a foul mood and had to push myself to do my morning WATP...I did the two mile walk just to prove to myself that I could. Grim was VERY loud this morning and pitched a temper tantrum as I laced my shoes up. I almost caved...I was so close...but I shoved a sock in his mouth and did it any way. <BR> <BR> I couldn't stop my brain at all as I tried to meditate...I finally gave up. I knew I had to do something, 'ca... Fri, 19 Aug 2016 07:21:59 EST Not so good day...tomorrow will be better I had a rough afternoon, angry and frustrated with co-workers. Sometimes it feels as if I am the only one in my department. I just finished eating dinner and I am very proud of myself for sticking to my menu. I feel more like myself now and I have to say I am very happy tomorrow is Friday! Some meditation to ground and center myself and I should be good as new. I don't like feeling this is foreign and very not me. <BR> <BR> As for the pizza party, I passed with flying colors! I hav... Thu, 18 Aug 2016 20:47:17 EST Mid Week check in It's been great week so far. I have kept well within my calorie range and only had one little slip up. It didn't affect my calories, I'm pleased to say. I had a craving for the banana roll up I have developed a taste for this week. I wasn't hungry per se, having eaten a little while earlier; but it just sounded good. Against the advice of the little voice in my head (whose name is Lyssa), I ate it. Funny thing, it didn't taste as good as I knew it could and I felt a bit over full. Score one f... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 22:34:13 EST Another Marvelous Monday! I had a great weekend and stayed on track in spite of all the temptations. I worked half a day on Saturday, and did my grocery shopping, Laundry, cleaning and movie night with Lil Bit rounded out my day. I tried a new treat from SP Recipes...low carb tortilla, 1 T peanut butter and a banana (I added T Nutella) and roll it all up. Very yummy! I didn't get a dedicated walk in but walked a lot through out the day and used my cleaning to my advantage. Yesterday I walk A LOT but didn't have a ded... Mon, 15 Aug 2016 07:29:36 EST Celebrating the end of a GREAT week! HAPPY FRIDAY! <em>410</em> <BR> <BR> 2 pounds down and my determination soars! I haven't felt this good is such a very long time. Everything I do now is with my eye on the first goal by 12/30. Breaking below 300 will send me me in a delightfully, deliriously, ecstatic dance for joy! What a way to bring in the New Year! <BR> <BR> But for now, I keep doing what I am doing and focusing on the here and now. I am calm (okay... just a bit excited), and focused. I'm stronger than I thought ... Fri, 12 Aug 2016 06:49:48 EST Thursday already! YAY! So happy tomorrow is Friday. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to weighing in. I know I have done my best this week and I will not be disappointed if the scale doesn't move. I've come a long way in my understanding how weight loss works (Thanks to SP!) For the first time in years, I have the confidence I need to do this right. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I plan to enjoy the journey. <BR> <BR> I stayed within my calorie range all week and haven't had fast food s... Thu, 11 Aug 2016 21:06:44 EST What WAS I thinking??? Well, I don't know exactly. ..I am so excited by the progress I am making and the head space I am in at the moment that I signed up for a 5k walk in October for the JDRF though work Each office has a team and I was getting ready to make a donation when suddenly I found myself signing up to walk!!! I can't believe I am giddy with excitement, but it is one more milestone on my journey to work towards. I have plenty of time to prepare and there are some great articles on training for a 5k walk(... Wed, 10 Aug 2016 22:44:05 EST Day 3 of exercise streak (Barely) I am an early bird and obnoxiously cheery morning person in the extreme. I am usually up about 3 hours before the sun and raring to go! I'm usually in bed fairly early. I have found over the past couple of days exercising too close to bedtime doesn't give me enough time to wind down. I was awake way too late and found it difficult to sleep. <BR> <BR> So I am really tired tonight and was going to use that as an excuse not to walk...something in my head(I'm going to name it Grim the Gremlin) ... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 21:47:09 EST A Marvy Monday indeed! I love when a day is as good as today was...Especially a Monday! I woke up smiling and truly looking forward to the day. <BR> <BR> This morning I re-figured my calorie range, having forgotten to reset my exercise goals. It's been awhile since I have exercised for any length of time. Since I have pretty much started the program over again...a clean slate so to speak...I am starting with the fast break stage. I have set my fitness goals for 10 minutes of cardio a day. If I do more..YaY me...... Mon, 8 Aug 2016 22:23:11 EST Time with my precious family and joyful tears watching the Olympics *Disclaimer* Any one who knows me well, knows that I cry at the drop of a hat. I have been told that I am weak, that I have a huge heart, that I feel too much, and that I am empathic. Perhaps this is all true, I don't know...but it is part of who I am. Reading a book, watching a movie, hearing a song, hearing about all the horrible things that are happening in our world, seeing all the beauty in our world...yep...I am a weeper. <BR> <BR> That being said, I had the profound pleasure of havi... Sun, 7 Aug 2016 12:41:31 EST WooHooooo for Friday (and a 2 pound loss!) May vacation approved by supervisor....Check! <BR> Best friend informed and jazzed about said vacation...Check! <BR> Dr. Haas informed of and pleased about said vacation...Check! <BR> First happy steps toward first weight loss goal...CHECK! <BR> <BR> Happy Friday! <BR> <BR> <em>244</em> <em>521</em> <em>185</em> <BR> <BR> Fri, 5 Aug 2016 07:27:05 EST Sunday night already! I can't believe the weekend is over already! While I didn't work yesterday morning, I was still up and out the door at 6:30. I went to Walmart and walked around the store twice before settling down to actually shop. They didn't have one of the items I needed, it was too early to go to Michael's, so I had a bite of breakfast at Jamba Juice which I haven't been to in a few years. <BR> <BR> I treated myself to a medium Orange dream machine smoothie and tried their Island Pitaya Energy Bowl. It... Sun, 31 Jul 2016 23:11:36 EST Enough is more than enough! I'm so done! I'm tired of being tired! I'm tired and mortified at myself for allowing the fact that I am tired to give me the excuse to eat whatever the frack I want and to not move! <BR> <BR> Many things and thoughts have pushed me to this point. Dr. Haas (one of my favorite doctors at work) and two other doctors have been wanting me to attend the annual meeting of the ACR (American College of Radiology) in Washington DC since well before I got sick back in 2009. (And they will PAY for my a... Fri, 29 Jul 2016 07:29:45 EST An even longer week and another short weekend(and my health is suffering) Another long, busy week and short weekend. We are on mandatory overtime and I have worked 25 hours of overtime this pay period as of today. I'm so tired that last night I had a slight crying jag. I felt better afterwards and fell asleep very early. I have rediscovered that Benadryl makes a great sleep aid. It has helped immensely. I made it through 4 1/2 hours this morning and felt pretty good when I got home. I did my laundry and changed my room back to the way it was! It feel SO much better... Sat, 23 Jul 2016 20:10:36 EST A long week and a VERY short weekend! Frantic week at work and I have had trouble sleeping for over a week. Falling asleep is no problem...staying asleep, on the other hand, is another matter completely. I awaken 2-4 times a night....I am exhausted, although I did get some good sleep last night. <BR> <BR> We are in the midst of switching to a new medical computer program for our insurance, prior auth, and most importantly my referral department. Theoretically, we are going "paperless." On the up side, no more paper cuts!! WooHoo... Sun, 17 Jul 2016 21:11:40 EST