AMBIENTRAYN's SparkPeople Blog AMBIENTRAYN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community When Fatigue Is More Than Just Fatigue <img src="">Three months ago, after nine months of solid, enthusiastic lifestyle changes, I lost my motivation - or so I thought. Suddenly, my workouts, varied as they were, just overwhelmed me. My goals seemed so far into the distant future. Drinking my water, cooking my healthy meals suddenly seemed like so much WORK. I was always exhausted, but wasn't sleeping well. Even my new love, jogging, had lost its lustre. I wasn't depressed an... Fri, 20 Dec 2013 11:13:21 EST 40lbs Lighter, But That's Not the Best Part I've lost 40lbs as of today. <BR> <BR> If you wanna get all technical about it, I've actually lost 41 pounds. <BR> <BR> ...and I've lost 14 inches. <BR> <BR> ....and I can do more than double the number of pushups I could do 7 months ago in under a minute. <BR> <BR> Even more exciting: <BR> <BR> I can't remember the last time I called myself a loser. It used to be my daily mantra. <BR> <BR> I'm painting again. <BR> <BR> I need to create a new Vision Board/Goals Chart - I've nearly comp... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 20:28:02 EST When You Lose Inches, Buy New Underwear A few days ago, I updated my status with the statement "My clothes have been falling off me lately..." Well, gee, I didn't mean LITERALLY. <BR> <BR> Oh, if I only knew. <BR> <BR> So today while walking around the grocery store with a friend, we were casually chatting about our volunteer work when suddenly - my underwear started to slide down my hips. I actually hadn't noticed that it had slipped from my waist and settled around my hips, I guess because we'd been running around all morning. ... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 00:01:08 EST Weird Things That Make Me Feel Happy Now <img src=""> <BR> 6 months ago, if you had asked me what made me happy, sadly, I would've REALLY had to think about it. Other than my family and volunteer work, I probably wouldn't have had much to say. I might've MIGHT have admitted that food was all that truly made me feel good. <BR> A jar full of jellybeans? Total bliss. <BR> A box (yes, a box) of Krispy Kreme doughnuts? True joy. <BR> <em>101</em> <BR> Well not anymore! <BR> <B... Tue, 28 May 2013 13:47:32 EST What to Do When SP Goes Offline for a Few Hours <img src=""> <BR> As we all know, our beloved friend, SparkPeople, was offline for a few hours last night due to technical difficulties. Now that we're all back online, I thought it prudent to prepare for the next unexpected night without SP. <BR> <BR> What to Do When SparkPeople Is Offline <BR> 1. Freak out. Seriously. <BR> 2. Sit in hungry fear, occasionally whispering, "What can I eat?" <BR> 3. Make your own Spark wheel. This will tak... Fri, 17 May 2013 11:25:58 EST Workout Guilt Trip Instructor during my workout today... <BR> <BR> "I just know you're smiling right now! <BR> <BR> Me: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Instructor: <BR> <BR> "We're smiling because we're so grateful to be alive!" <BR> <BR> Me: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Thu, 9 May 2013 14:49:32 EST Open Letter to Leslie Sansone Dear Ms. Sansone, <BR> <BR> You don't know me, but I owe you a sincere thank you. Before I explain why, I must also apologize. When I was introduced to you several years ago, I ignored you and at times, even glared at you hatefully. My mindset was different then, you see. I had just been admitted to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation because my depression was the worst it had ever been. When therapists encouraged patients to exercise and popped in one of your tapes (Walk Aerobics), I wasn... Tue, 7 May 2013 09:28:58 EST Facing the Fear That I Didn't Know Existed Several years ago, I was an active part of the Size Acceptance and Size Positive community. I joyfully learned to accept and even love my own body, no matter what shape it was in. Eventually a good friend and I even started our own SA group, quickly drawing hundreds of people also interested in no longer apologizing for their looks or weight. Learning to accept myself the way I was helped both to boost my self-esteem and ease my self-consciousness. <BR> <BR> I still work hard to practice sel... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 22:54:58 EST Until I Was Worth It - a poem Until I Was Worth It <BR> <BR> I was just not worth the worry, <BR> I was not even worth the wait, <BR> I didn't want good things to come to me, <BR> I was frozen by self-hate. <BR> <BR> The concern was appreciated, <BR> but it only went to waste. <BR> While people prayed I would change my life, <BR> I was destroying it with haste. <BR> <BR> Of course, I was no fool, <BR> as I denied it, it was clear - <BR> my body was crying out for help <BR> but I refused to hear. <BR> <BR> See, as a ch... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:17:50 EST My Motivation - Reducing Fatigue How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm so tired of being tired?" Have you ever felt that way? I sure have. <BR> <BR> Constant fatigue is frustrating and depressing. No matter what you long to or need to do, you just can't. Even if you have the best intentions and have planned carefully, well in advance, when you need your body to cooperate, it just won't. It can't. It's too tired. <BR> <BR> My poor health choices led me to experience chronic fatigue. Not to be confused with Chronic... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 12:24:34 EST I'm Fat, Not Stupid I'm fat, and I don't use that word to insult myself. If I were thin, I would say it just as matter-of-factly: "I'm thin." I use the word 'fat' like the adjective that it is. I'm fat, female, near-sighted, a bibliophile, human... it's just a word. <BR> <BR> So why do people try to fit so much meaning into those three letters? <BR> <BR> As many fat people have, I've received lots and lots of "great" advice about how to reduce my level of fat. I've gotten tons of tips on how to "drop a few pou... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 09:20:43 EST