AMBERLEIGHM1's SparkPeople Blog

Sweet relief & other ramblings

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 15:33:58 EST

I've been pretty quiet lately; I've had a migraine for so long, I've lost count of how long I've had it. I would have to go through my journal to know exactly how long but I know it's been long enough that I've cut out artificial sweeteners and gluten (at separate times); treated myself for my out of control allergies and seen the doctor; bought a couple massage packages; used every combo of meds out there except the Excedrin since I ran out and it's still pulled off the shelf, I knew I was d...

I love these 5% Challenges

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:54:33 EST

I haven't been able to be active since June until earlier this month due to an injury and trying to heal without surgery and then having ankle/foot surgery in December. The broken cartialage didn't show up on the MRI or I wouldn't have tried so hard to heal naturally and with PT. Even though I've only been able to do Pilates and upper body weights, I still reached my 5% goal for this challenge but what is more important during the fall 5% challenge, I reached a 37 BMI which meant I was able ...

Warning, Important Spark change and updates.

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:18:48 EST

This morning I read some blogs and noticed at the bottom of the blog that there is now a "share" button on their so readers can now post your blog on their facebook wall. I'm very uncomfortable with this, I am very open in my blog about my grief and weight loss and I don't want *strangers* coming in to my page and knowing more about me than many people in my life. I do keep my page "open" on sparkpeople because I have enjoyed the community so much and because when I do write informational b...

2012 Accountability Log - (currently blank)

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:24:04 EST

Jan

Feb

Mar

Apr

May

June

July

Aug

Sept

Oct

Nov

Dec

Looking forward to 2012

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:21:54 EST

I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do in 2011; I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted but considering I've been on the couch healing since the beginning of June, I'm happy with the 70.5 lbs I've lost in 2011. I started working out Jan 12, 2011 so I am hoping to make it a 75 lbs. loss in one calendar year.

The 5% Challenges have been fantastic because I have to log my weight weekly to help earn points for my team (the A Team). In 2012, I am also going to join the Callanetic...

Welcome New A-Team Members, please read Ceri's blog

Tue, 6 Dec 2011 11:40:52 EST

Hi fellow A-Team Members,

I hope you are enjoying your first week of this challenge and looking forward to the changes you will make this last month of 2011 and are excited about welcoming in 2012 as a healthier, lighter version of the best possible you.

It can seem like there are too many things in the challenge to keep up with if you are new but we want to make this challenge as easy as possible to keep up with while taking your fitness and nutrition to the next level ...

Thank you!! December goals and surgery update

Thu, 1 Dec 2011 20:45:56 EST

You are amazing!! Thank you so much for you help this past month. It's official, we placed #10 and will get the grant to hold the 1st National Conference for the "choking game". We will have coroners, doctors, nurses. most likely Dept of Health from every state, educators, law enforcement, parents and grandparents. You helped us qualify for a grant to further education and awareness and save many lives of children and many families a heartache that is very painful and lifelong. Bless you s...

Ready for the challenge and asking for help on voting, last two days

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:41:14 EST

I am so grateful for this challenge and seeing how I can push myself and reconnecting with friends and meeting new ones during this challenge. If I can offer you support, please let me know. I see the surgeon Thursday and expect to get my surgery date then but I have a plan of weight lifting and pilates during this challenge so I can keep losing.

This is copied from the organization I work with to help promote education and awareness for the "choking game"; if you can support us ...

Short update and a Favor to ask (long)

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:34:04 EST

I am still seeing the surgeon monthly. I was released from PT last week since I have learned all the exercises and the surgeon instructed me to push it as much as I can this month to see if I can handle the pain and avoid surgery so I can get back to training or if it is as if he expects and I need surgery. Walking on hard surfaces or standing on hard surfaces proves to cause a lot of pain but I am still trying. I have found Barre workouts to be helpful in strengthening my ankle/foot. I'm c...

Are you up for a new challenge?

Sat, 3 Sep 2011 16:02:50 EST

The 5% Summer Challenge kept me focused on my commitment to exercise and to be good to myself (LTGL). When I signed up for the challenge, I had also signed up to commit to the 10k training not knowing that I would be sidelined and exercising from a chair. I've learned to modify many of my exercises so I can still do them from my chair and I did meet my goal of losing 5% of my weight during the challenge.

What areas are you improving in? I'm getting better at giving myself goodie...

What are you afraid of?

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 16:37:25 EST

“There’s nothing better in the world than a little bit of scared to get you doing the right thing. Fear can make you faster, smarter, stronger, absolutely.”
— Laird Hamilton (American big wave surfer)

Are you afraid of facing the scale after welcoming in the New Year? Are you afraid that you are carrying so much weight that you can't carry a baby safely? Are you afraid that if you don't get in shape that you will not live a long and healthy life with your partner?
...

Loving the scale

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:32:05 EST

As if I needed another reminder of how wonderful life was and how very blessed I am, I jumped on this scale this morning to see that I have lost I have lost 51 lbs this year and I am 101 lbs from my high (my sparkthing reflects starting weight here). I'm so happy, I've been on the couch for the last 6 weeks and lost 19 lbs. doing chair exercises don't let injuries hold you back, you can work around them!

We have a little over 19 weeks left in this year, there is plenty of time to ...

DIY Finishing Stats

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 19:44:08 EST

My Starting Weight: 224

My Finishing Weight: 210.5

difference 13.5

Four (or more) Other things I will be measuring during this challenge & their current: (body measurements, race times, crunch max, jeans size, whatever YOU need to track)

1. (start) BMI 43
(finish) 39.67
(difference) 3.33
2. (start) waist 45.25
(finish) 43.25
(difference) 2
3. (start) chest 45.75
(finish) 45
(difference) .75
4. (star...

Today's Motivation

Tue, 9 Aug 2011 14:47:16 EST

"Always, when you know what you don't want, that's when the rocket of desire is born of what you do want. That is the fruit of your experience. Now pluck it and savor it and enjoy it. Visualize it, and find the feeling place of it. And live happily ever after, once you get the hang of this."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

I have continued to do well because even through a two month plateau, I came here daily and I read motivating blogs and fitness articles and reached out...

You can be too frugal! And Thank you so much, you are all awesome:)

Sun, 7 Aug 2011 10:13:49 EST

The other evening as I was putting on my pajama shorts, I accidentally put both legs into one leg and they both fit in there without me struggling to do it or even aware it was happening. It now is very clear why if I try to wear my cell phone on my shorts they will fall down so some I can't wear with the phone at all and some I've had to clip to my underwear to keep them from falling down. I am officially going to go shopping and find clothes that make me feel good but not spend much since...

I did it! Pic included

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 19:21:02 EST

Remember I had posted I had wanted to get a henna tattoo of the butterfly my son drew for his girlfriend before he died? I did one better, I got a real one, it's white so it isn't easy to see but it's beautiful, it is sideways on my inner wrist so both me and the other person can see it and has he signature underneath. I will include the actual picture as well so you can see what he drew which I think is incredible for 11 years old, what mom wouldn't.

3 More 2nd Opinions....

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 07:29:29 EST

Thanks for listening to me after I was so upset Friday. I discussed with my grief support group, the results of my tests and two of the moms spoke with their therapists that felt if I pursued this type of treatment I would cause myself irreversible damage. One of the mom's got me a referral for another therapist that specialises in many different traumas and several different types of therapy and I spoke with her for quite a while and she concurred. She said she lost her memories and was u...

Today sucks

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:23:55 EST

This is what I wrote to my friend; I figured it would be easier to copy/paste than try to remember what I was feeling.

I'm one unhappy lady today. They give you a score of the ability to function based from 0 being bad to 100 being wonderful and I recieved a 29. The tests said I do not have an auditory memory problem but I have a visual memory impairment. The impairment is because of repeated traumas and my brain has refused me access to the good memories because there is...

What do you see when you see red?

Thu, 2 Jun 2011 03:31:04 EST

What do you see when you look at the color red? I see my son's favorite color, I see the red and black outfits we wore at Adam's funeral to honor him, I see the black and red Nike socks he was buried in,, I see the red of the horizon in Hawaii that we will never see together, I see the the Cincinnati Red and Ohio State games we won't be watching together, I see the color of his first hand-me-down corvette on his 16th birthday. There isn't anything in the world that isn't seen from a complete...

To a friend

Sat, 21 May 2011 11:15:28 EST

I hope you are getting to sleep in and can wake up to this gorgeous day at your leisure. It's a great day to be outside in most places, including here. Try to do something fun this weekend that makes you feel less stressed and brightens your day. Think of doing those things you might have put off like reading a book, or painting you finger and toenails, or getting together with the girls.

You work hard and deserve to be pampered from the inside out so have your favorite health...

Quitting is not an option for me!

Thu, 19 May 2011 12:38:35 EST

GreatestQuotes

"Tough times never last, but tough people do." - Dr. Robert Schuller

I'm still not half way done with my journey but I am not discouraged. I look forward to growing stronger, becoming more flexible, and becoming more toned and lean. I feel better after losing 75 lbs. (I lost weight before I came to SP) and my faith in myself is stronger because I know my determination is not going to waver.

Each step I take, each decision I make puts me one ste...

It's been a great week

Fri, 13 May 2011 18:49:11 EST

I slept in for the second day in a row and I'm perplexed why. Sleeping more than usual is usually an indicator that my depression is kicking in but I feel really good. I spent hours talking to a friend last night who is miserable and can't appreciate anything in life and realized I am so grateful that in spite of being a victim of rape and stalking, losing my only child, and being divorced, that I can view almost any situation in a positive light. I didn't get to this point magically, I par...

I met all my goals for today

Thu, 12 May 2011 21:32:23 EST

I slept in which is unusual for me especially considering I took two naps yesterday. I ate healthy today and had two sugar free miniature Reese's cups as my treat I went to Sam's Club and bought 3 lbs. of seedless grapes which I'm so grateful to have since my regular store didn't have grapes this week.

I went to the BMV to get my license and the lady helping me congratulated me on losing weight since I got my last licence which made me feel so good. NC hasn't cleared me official...

If you don't have time to do it right when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden

Tue, 10 May 2011 19:43:33 EST

I had a great day today. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. naturally and feeling refreshed. I started my morning with reading my Bible and then made my morning coffee. I had a light yogurt also. After several cups of coffee and reading my 10 blogs on the marvelous A Team, I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill and had half a light multi-grain English muffin with a tbls. of peanut butter.

I decided to go outside and read and get some Vitamin D. I had just sat my book and water bottle down ...

Challenges likes ours are so motivating.

Mon, 9 May 2011 21:57:27 EST

I started my day with reading blogs from our members and commenting on them. We have so many dedicated members working hard for their goals it is very inspiring and makes me want to work out even on days like today when my ankle is very unstable and I had to wear an ankle brace in order to work out so I won't be out long term.

I had three appointments today on this beautiful day but still enjoyed being outside in the sunshine in between appointments. I loved my coffee break in be...

I made a decision...thank you for all the help!

Sun, 8 May 2011 09:49:02 EST

I thought alot about my blog yesterday and how my grief has changed and where I want my journey to take me. I watched Rabbit Hole yesterday and it was a really good movie and made several really good points; one of which is that the grief never goes away but it goes from overbearing to like carrying a brick in your pocket something you are capable of doing.

When people see me at the grocery store, church, or at the gym, I want them to see me as vibrant, confident, and happy. I ...

I no longer count the days but the years

Sat, 7 May 2011 08:28:51 EST

In the beginning, I could tell you exactly how many days since Adam had died. I hated every Tuesday because he died on a Tuesday, I dreaded every Friday because he was buried on a Friday. I viewed each day as one day further away from him. I'm at a different stage in my grief and recognize this is my 5th Mother's Day without my son but I am also 5 years closer to seeing him in Heaven.

I try to find the beauty or positive in everything just as my son did. Adam didn't hold grudg...

One day closer to Heaven

Sat, 16 Apr 2011 20:29:18 EST

I woke up yesterday and said "happy friday", I was happy because I knew I am one day closer to seeing Adam. My spirits were good and I made my favorite breakfast before me and my Dad went to Adam's school and took a picture of the tree they planted in his honor and of his memorial plaque before going to the cemetery to take new flowers and clean the headstone. I read the poem inscribed on his headstone as I always try to do, some days I am not strong enough but yesterday I was. Here it is:...

Inspiration from a cough drop

Sun, 3 Apr 2011 13:19:50 EST

Yesterday, as many of you know was a very difficult day for me. I arrived at church a little earlier than normal and as I was sitting in my pew, I took out a cough drop from my baggie in my purse. I like to keep them with me because my throat often gets sore from allergies or to use when I am working out so my throat won't become dry and sore.

As I unwrapped the Hall's cough drop, I noticed that wrapper had sayings on them. I straightened out all the crumpled ones in my baggie,...

I need your prayers, today is hard.

Sat, 2 Apr 2011 14:58:57 EST

I woke up with flashbacks. This is two weeks in a row that I have woke up this way. The only worse way I recall waking up was when something was misfiring in my brain and every day I had to relearn that my son was dead; this period lasted several months and was excruciating. I'm not sure what is going on with me, perhaps it is the homework I am doing for therapy.

This past week, I covered three very difficult topics. I wrote the other day about signing my name Amber instead of ...

Today has been a great day

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:01:50 EST

I wrote an email to someone in my yahoo group for people affected by the "choking game" and signed my name "Amber". I never sign my name Amber, I always sign my name "Amber, Adam's Mommy Forever". I am sure a lot of moms can identify with the feeling of being a mom first and a person second.

When Adam was alive, I would always introduce myself as Adam's mom, Amber. After he died, I created a new email address stilladamsmommy because I will always be his mommy since he died wh...

Adam would be proud!

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 19:50:17 EST

In 2006, I was labeled with major depressive disorder after my only child Adam died while "playing" the "choking game". I only have 3 or 4 weeks of Cognitive Process Therapy left and it has helped so much. I can turn every negative thought into a positive thought including losing Adam which I never thought that I would be able to say that. I doubt that I will be thankful that Adam was taken from me but I am grateful that he saved other people's lives through organ donation by his own cho...

I am Blessed beyond measure...

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 23:36:32 EST

Today was a great day; I surrounded myself with positive people, influences, material, and thoughts. I started the day off in a bit of a funk because I was missing my precious son, Adam, who died 5 years ago last month but I walked/jogged 6.5 miles and felt so much better afterwards. I went through my cell phone saving all the positive text messages that have been sent to me so I can read them when I am needing encouragement.

I finally broke my plateau this week which is very enc...

Thanks for all the support.

Fri, 4 Dec 2009 06:09:47 EST

I hope i replied to everyone who sent me messages or sparkgoodies as support, if I didn't it wasn't intentional; I have a severe memory problem related to my son's death but if you send me a note, I'll send you a goodie.

I've only been active about 6 weeks and I've lost 11 lbs. and 3 inches even with an ankle injury that prevents walking. You keep me motivated and inspired to do my best and let me know that my goal is totally achievable and within my grasp for that I am eternally ...

Today sucks!

Wed, 2 Dec 2009 01:32:46 EST

I spent all day in bed, every time i woke up, i realized that my son was dead and not coming back and it was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever had to face. I just couldn't face the day and kept going back to bed and had lots of nightmare and then woke up horribly. i don't know when I'll ever get over my PTSD and anxiety attacks or if i ever will. I am medicated but i am no better off, things haven't changed.

Reasons to be thankful and important decisions

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:27:01 EST

The passing of my son was horrible but even in the midst of chaos I was able to keep my wits and freaked when they were sending my son to the coroner, I said hell no, he is an organ donor. I'm thankful I had a very compassionate son who made the decision all on his own to be an organ donor. If you haven't taken the time to tell your family your wishes, please tell them today and next time you pass the driver's license bureau get a new license with an organ donor card. Not only did my son s...

The Map for my life cont'd

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:17:48 EST

Sorry for the delay its really emotional. I was on disability and needed to go to the doctor to pick up my paperwork so I could get paid. We were gone 38 minutes. On the way home we stopped at the gas station and bought smokes and oatmeal pies. When we got home, I expected to see my son doing dishes or laundry since when he finished his chores we were going to the movies. The dishes had been started, the laundry was going, and we hollared out yet we heard no reply. We finally found Adam...

The Map for my life

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:43:00 EST

In my early 20's I had all my plans laid out and knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish by the time I turned thirty. I reached 30 thankful that I had reached all of my goals. I was a happy, single mother to a wonderful son named Adam that would be turning 6 soon; he was my inspiration and reason to get through the day. Work and school kept me from my son for long hours but our time together was oh so special and I didn't think life could get any better. My son battled several illnesses ...