ALLIE4993's SparkPeople Blog ALLIE4993's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 6.30.15 The past week or so I have been feeling disgusted with myself. It's funny cause when I binge I feel the same way but I never wanted to do anything to change it. Yesterday I was tired of feeling bloated and horrible that I really had to be honest and true to myself in regards to how I have been treating me. <BR> <BR> So I made a conscious effort yesterday to begin the path to change. This is the first time I have really made an effort rather than just giving it a pitiful attempt. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 30 Jun 2015 09:37:08 EST 6.23.15 So today my goal is to get some exercise in when I get home. It's gonna suck because it's 100 degrees outside and I HATE WORKING OUT INDOORS!!!! I use to ride my bike ALL the time and over the past year I haven't done it as much so I'm hoping today I can get a bike ride in. I'm thinking I will have to start squeezing this in in the AM. Hoping a 5am alarm won't be necessary for me to have to fit exercise into my day. Here is to the next step in my journey...moving my butt!! Tue, 23 Jun 2015 12:49:58 EST A little more time for me So I finally got a hike in over the weekend. After a month, actually more than a month of moving/unpacking/organizing the new house I finally have a little more time to do other things that I enjoy such as hiking!!! So I got a hike in yesterday. It was VERY short as I had a complaining companion so I cut it short as I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it lol. I was still happy I was able to squeeze one in this weekend. <BR> <BR> My goals for the week: <BR> Start tracking food intake more regular... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 11:44:49 EST Being Happy I'm not really sure how to define what happy looks like for me. I know when I feel happy, but overall how does one truly know they are happy with their life? I haven't figured that one out yet but I want to. I've suffered from depression which in turn has resulted in other issues I haven't been able to resolve yet. I don't like feeling this way, in fact I don't think anyone who has to deal with it likes feeling that way. We all know the various ways of coping with it however it's a matter of ... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:37:23 EST Day 58-Just another day I HATE waking up, i'm not cranky, I just am a walking zombie. It especially doesn't help that I wake up in the morning to a buzzing alarm, or two, or 8. Seriously I will set at least 5 alarms in order for me to wake up in the morning it's that bad. Because of this I give myself just enough time to get ready and walk out the door and no time to eat breakfast. <BR> <BR> I'm hoping that I can really get into a routine of waking up and having just enough time to eat a bowl of cereal or even yog... Wed, 3 Jun 2015 11:36:43 EST Day 53- Where did May go? Geeze, it's almost June! I have honestly been so busy I didn't realize this month was almost over with. I think about all that I have done and all that I could have done and I just get all caught up in what I didn't accomplish that I need to remind myself I'm only one person and to focus on what I have accomplished <BR> <BR> I really don't know how some people do it I feel like I need to follow one of those ladies around who works full time, has a family, works out, spends time with friends,... Fri, 29 May 2015 13:30:46 EST Day 52- Running in Place I'm feeling as though I haven't been able to give enough attention to making healthy choices because of this lovely life transition of moving. I feel so blessed to have such a nice home but I feel like I'm running in place. I haven't made any progress in reaching my goals and that makes me frustrated. I have focused so much time on getting moved in and unpacking that that is all I have had time for. <BR> <BR> I have made progress in my bingeing choices and haven't binged for a couple weeks ... Thu, 28 May 2015 13:51:57 EST Day 50- Getting back on track So last weekend we finished up our move FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has probably been the most stressful two weeks I've experienced in a long time and I'm super glad it is over with. My apologies for being MIA during that time. <BR> <BR> We finally have internet set up but no wireless yet so that's a work in progress. We spent all of Friday and Saturday finishing up the move and unpacking and Sunday we celebrated our anniversary by sleeping in and going to the park for a picnic. It was perfec... Tue, 26 May 2015 12:27:34 EST Day 43- Just Tired We have FINALLYYYYY moved in to our new house. It was a super exciting time and exhausting as well. We spent all of last weekend just moving as much as we could pretty much going until midnight each night and we still haven't gotten everything out of both places yet. <BR> <BR> It has been getting hot here as well and the breaker to our A/C unit doesn't work properly so we attempted to switch that out last night however it started raining of course so another day with very little accomplishe... Tue, 19 May 2015 08:28:25 EST Day 37- Out of touch Man, I spent all last weekend packing and moving, and driving and packing some more. I ended up even locking myself out of our new house. Apparently I don't have all the keys that go to the doors to the house. I have the key to the front door but not to the knob on the garage door. $60 later I was back in the house. It was a stressful weekend and to add to it my bf will not be back in time to help me move the rest of my stuff so I'm on my own. Fun stuff, when does it end? <BR> <BR> On a bet... Wed, 13 May 2015 20:34:49 EST Day 32-Im done with today. I had my blog post ready to go and my iPad froze so therefore I lost the whole post. This seems appropriate for the day I have had. <BR> <BR> I'll just cut to the chase. I hated today. It was nothing but stress chasing me wherever I went. Work, getting new house stuff in order, my bf being gone through this whole house buying and moving process. I've come to terms with him being in the military. I get it and I admire him for it. I'm used to him leaving with no notice, not knowing where he i... Fri, 8 May 2015 22:16:43 EST Day 31-stressful day with a peaceful ending So I've been stressing about our move coming up soon simply because I don't know 100% if it will happen when we are planning and if my bf isn't back in time I have to figure out a plan B which I'm not sure what that would be at this point. Work was really hectic today and I had a mental freak out as I thought I had lost something so needless to say today was stressful. Also I feel like I have to pick up after my coworkers. I didn't realize I was working among children. PICK UP YOUR STUFFFFF!!... Thu, 7 May 2015 19:30:08 EST Day 30- Crazy Busy Day So today was closing day on our house! Unfortunately my bf couldn't be there as he is away for a military assignment, such is military life. Luckily everything went fine and the house is ours!!!! We aren't planning to move in until next weekend when he get's back but I will probably start bringing some boxes and random stuff down there this weekend (it's an hour from where I live now) I'm super excited to start this next phase in our life, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement, st... Wed, 6 May 2015 20:10:12 EST Day 29- Seeing the reality I haven't been giving it my all and today that reality really sunk in for me. I'm on day 29 of trying to live a healthier lifestyle and in some ways I have done such that and in other ways I certainly haven't. I've layed out some of the things I want to accomplish on this lovely journey. My end goal date is..well, never, or when I leave this earth I suppose. <BR> <BR> <BR> How I will reach my goal of living a healthier lifestyle: <BR> -Make better food choices such as including more fruits... Tue, 5 May 2015 19:53:29 EST Day 27: Catching Up Geeze the weekend flew by. My bf is active duty military and got back from a month long training on Friday and left again Sunday for a quick two week exercise. So we spent a little bit of time together and the rest of the weekend was spent packing. <BR> <BR> We are currently in the process of buying a house which is super exciting but also very stressful as we have had to push dates back move appointments around etc because of the ever changing demands of his job. It comes with the territor... Mon, 4 May 2015 11:06:58 EST Day 22- Veggie's galore Alrighty so today was a day full of vegetables. Big salad for lunch with chicken, pears, pecans and a raspberry vinaigrette. UGHHH SO DELICIOUS!!!! Then I made homemade curry yesterday so had that with some rice for dinner. Ok so this maybe too much info but after I eat the curry I feel really bloated. I loaded the curry with all kinds of vegetables...broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, eggplant, mushrooms, and some chicken. It's delicious and I really get my veggies in for the day but man o man... Wed, 29 Apr 2015 21:16:04 EST Day 21- Feeling the aches So I'm sure other people feel this way or ya'll may just think I'm crazy but I look forward to being sore the day following a workout. It let's me know I pushed myself and my muscles to a point that they haven't been pushed before. I'm using them in ways they aren't use to and they are getting stronger. Whenever I feel sore I think yesss my muscles are getting stronger!!!!! In this case my back and shoulder muscles are pretty sore today which is fine cause I feel like I have an excess in bac... Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:50:47 EST Day 20- Movin and Groovin Today was the day I fianlly got my butt moving. I love to hike but I wanted to incorporate more intensive cardio training into my routine. I did a 30 min HIT <BR> (high intensity training) video and I wasn't sure if I could get through the whole thing but I did!!!! I felt so accomplished at the end and knew that each time I do that video it will only be easier than the first time! Thinking about that allowed me to ignore my thoughts of just giving up. <BR> <BR> I forgot how good it felt to... Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:06:38 EST Day 18- Treating your body with respect A few posts ago I mentioned I didn't really know what loving myself was supposed to look like. I think this will be a long journey of trying to truly figure out what this looks like for me. However, in my quest to figure out how to truly love myself again I have realized that respecting my body is one facet of this journey. <BR> <BR> I haven't respected my body at all in the past year. I have consumed foods that aren't nutritious and are full of sugar, fat, synthetic additives, GMO's and th... Sat, 25 Apr 2015 13:34:02 EST Day 16 - Feeling Sick So I haven't been incorporating any exercise into my routine yet, I've simply been focusing on trying to manage my food intake-first with portion control and emotional eating and then with quality food choices. <BR> <BR> Well my plan was to begin incorporating exercise today however death came knocking on my door at 2am. I could feel the blood leaving my face and the cold sweat coming on. I'm in the middle of moving and of course packed up my box of medical supplies where my thermometer liv... Thu, 23 Apr 2015 11:46:31 EST Day 14 I've been struggling with how to love myself. I have moments I think I love myself, however there clearly is some doubt if I "think" I love myself or is it that I just don't know what loving myself actually looks like? <BR> <BR> I didn't grow up with parents who encouraged me or told me they were proud of me. I grew up around a lot of judgement and criticism therefore I feel the idea of loving myself is a pretty foreign concept to me. I'm not sure what that looks like or how to achieve such... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 19:45:30 EST Day 9 So this week my mother has been in town visiting. For whatever reason when people come to visit you tend to just let go of all inhibitions to maintain your healthy decisions. <BR> <BR> With a weekend full of bbq, beer, mexican, margaritas, wings, more beer, fries, burgers, even more beer....I feel guilty. <BR> <BR> Not only did I indulge I just thew in the towel and gave up! You have that conversation with yourself "ok one, beer..oh they ordered wings??!! Ok, fine since they ordered wings... Thu, 16 Apr 2015 14:17:49 EST Day 8 2 pounds down and I can feel a difference. Small changes can make an impact helping to drive your motivation to reach that BIG goal. One day at a time and I know I can reach my goal. <BR> <BR> I feel like I am slowly getting a grasp on controlling the amount of food I am eating. <BR> <BR> Next Steps: <BR> Continue to control my food intake <BR> <BR> Begin eating healthier food choices <BR> Begin incorporating exercise 2-3 days per week. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> <em>20</em... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 10:07:57 EST Day 6 Temptation struck big time this weekend and I certainly indulged. Too many drinks and too much food. In my mind I have this conversation with myself saying I will make better choices...then that conversation seems to be null and void once it comes time to make the decisions. <BR> <BR> This is how I continuously fall off the wagon because I end up giving up on myself and my feat to live a healthier lifestyle. I make some bad choices and then throw my hands up on the air and over indulge. AHH... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 11:39:36 EST Day 3 1 pound down! I feel like I should be more excited about that. I mean it's 1 whole pound!! 3500 calories!! I suppose it is because I haven't done anything to deserve losing it. No exercise, no healthy eating, more like lack of eating. <BR> <BR> Everyone always talks about setting goals, along with smaller goals leading up to the overall goal. My fear is I set those goals and I'll hit a bump in the road and derail my whole feat of living a healthier lifestyle. I need a reality check here to ... Fri, 10 Apr 2015 10:13:33 EST Day 1 Time to get to it...again. <BR> <BR> It sucks saying that...again. You have all the hope in the world that this time will be it to make a change, until you look back days, months, sometimes years later to see that change didn't occur. What went wrong? Regret builds and you start to have self doubt, will this time really be it? Will I stick to my plan in order to reach my goals? <BR> <BR> I recognize questioning my ability won't help me achieve my goals but I do really want to understand w... Wed, 8 Apr 2015 10:04:34 EST Fighting Temptations So I tried my best to fight the temptations around me! Sat, 15 Feb 2014 11:59:39 EST Goal 1 almost complete!!! I'm almost to my first goal!!! Fri, 14 Feb 2014 11:54:56 EST Hula Whoo?? Has anyone Hula Hooped before?? Tue, 11 Feb 2014 18:09:17 EST Feeling Pretty Good Today was a pretty good day! Mon, 10 Feb 2014 17:22:14 EST My Motivation has gone missing... I can't seem to find my motivation. It just seems to have taken a vacation without me. It's not lack of education, I know what I need to do and how to do it. It's just a matter of getting off my booty and doing it. <BR> <BR> I've realized one thing that may be standing in my way is my expectations. I've set them way too high. I expect to feel happy and positive everyday and that I should be working out everyday and eating perfectly everyday. Well what the heck am I thinking?? No one is perf... Sun, 9 Feb 2014 08:48:01 EST Starting Over Just wanted to re-introduce myself to the SparkPeople Community. Glad to be back everyone!! Wed, 5 Feb 2014 15:51:02 EST Getting in the groove of things Well after weeks of NOT getting my butt out the door to exercise, tonight I did it. I went for a bike ride. I kept making excuses..its too cold, i'll go tonight when traffic has died down, I'll go tomorrow, it's getting dark, I'll go after work before traffic gets too bad, I'm tired and the list goes on and on. Any excuse I could think of I would convince myself out of going. <BR> I love to bike and I lost about 30 pounds in High School a long time ago and I loved it. I knew it worked for me... Sat, 30 Nov 2013 18:05:53 EST Becoming more aware So I have been tracking my calories for the past few months or so. I wouldn't say I'm consistent and track everyday however I thought I was doing ok as far as making sure to write down what I eat. I usually wouldn't track on the weekends and if I nibbled on something when I got home from work I wouldn't track it. <BR> <BR> I haven't had much success in losing any weight. I lost a few pounds but then I had a terrible emotional week and ate so much food, including a whole tub of chip dip which... Wed, 13 Nov 2013 20:31:27 EST When does this end? I have always had anger problems since I was young. I have been gaining control of this for the past few months by seeing a therapist. I also have terrible anxiety which has improved over the past few months as well. I was never diagnosed with depression however since my bf (wasn't some silly relationship, we were planning our future together)recently broke up with me about 3 weeks ago all I feel lately is anger, sadness, confusion, aggression, the list goes on. I go to work and I dread comin... Thu, 10 Oct 2013 17:37:12 EST Seeing Results! Yay! So when I weigh myself I usually do it in the morning before I take a shower, seems to be the only time I remember. So this morning as my shower starts heating up I weight myself and I weighed in at 173!!!! Yayyyyy I started at 177 and was wondering when would I see progress. I'm so excited that the small changes I have started to make is starting to pay off. <BR> <BR> I've had problems with motivation in the past but seeing that number drop just makes me want to keep doing what I'm do... Sat, 5 Oct 2013 08:58:24 EST Does it get any easier? So today I walked home from work. It's only about 1.6 miles (I live in a major metropolitan city) but it seemed so much further away. It's funny because I compare it to where I grew up, in the suburbs where if I walked 1.6 miles it didn't really seem too far but now that I'm in the city it seems like quite a distance thinking about where my apt is in correlation to my job. So I think I'm going to try to start walking to and from work. Plus that way I won't be taking the bus everyday and I wil... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 20:03:48 EST Trying to move forward The past few day's haven't been easy as far as trying to move forward from the serious committed relationship I had with my bf that he has ended abruptly. It hasn't been easy, I haven't cried but I haven't been ok. I'm still angry and confused and I wish I could talk to him and work this out but I am respecting his decision and the space he says he needs to figure out his life. With that said I have been trying to just focus on myself and try to lose some of the weight I have set out to lose.... Tue, 1 Oct 2013 17:02:47 EST When it hurts so bad I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We had a long distance relationship. He is a senior in college. He is 3 years younger than I am. He lives 2 hours away and we would see each other every weekend. We switched off each weekend, he would visit me I would visit him. We spoke every night. He talked about a future together, a lot. He loved me, cares for me, and respects me. We had our normal little disagreements that every couple has. We never argued maliciously. We respe... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 07:22:23 EST Slowly Progressing So today some what marked the beginning of several changes that have been happening in my life. I started a new job, and with that I have been thinking more and more about trying to get healthier and lose some of my excess weight that I don't want to carry around anymore. <BR> <BR> With my new job I won't be driving anymore, I will be taking public transportation which is great because I hate driving. Once I get off at my stop I have to walk about 5 blocks or so to get the my job so essenti... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 19:38:52 EST Changes are happening! Well it doesn't seem like almost a month ago I started back at this. Holy Moly I'm really letting time slip on by. I've been so focused on trying to find a new job and all of my time and hard work finally paid off. <BR> <BR> My 25th birthday is tomorrow (9/23) and I start my job on the 24th. Talk about an awesome birthday present. This is something that I really needed to change in my life and I'm so glad it finally happened. Not only is the job changing but other things will change in my l... Sun, 22 Sep 2013 18:49:54 EST Time to figure out my life Everyone always says your twenties is that period in your life where you are "lost". You don't know what you want to do, you're finishing up college, you're at a job that's headed no where and you don't know who you are. I feel like I am the textbook example of what a 20 something year old is and it sure does scare me. Considering I will be 25 in the next month I really don't want to go through the rest of my 20's feeling like this. Something needs to change. <BR> <BR> I used to be on SparkP... Mon, 26 Aug 2013 20:33:37 EST Fat Mirrorrr talk about being MIA for awhile. Life can really get ahead of you sometimes. Each day you tell yourself the same thing about this being the day you will get on track, then another day goes by, then a week, then months. Before you know it you've gained 10 pounds and worse off than where you started from. <BR> <BR> That's exactly how I have been feeling the past 4 months or so. I had a really rough summer experiencing a lot of personal struggles that I never thought I would have to deal with.... Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:22:44 EST If there's a will there's a way! So there is not point to sugar coat the bumps in the road along my quest to a healthy life. In order to reach my goal I need to be honest and real about the unhealhty choices I have made. First off since graduation I haven't been focused on making healthy choices because I was in a transition phase of my life...trying to find a job and wondering how I am going to pay my bills. Well now that I do have not one but 2 jobs I don't have to worry about that. Now its time to focus and create a plan ... Sun, 19 Jun 2011 14:19:19 EST They like me...They really like me!! So upon my day of graduating from college I knew I had to get my act together and buckle down on finding a job... one that will help me gain experience and allow me to move forward. At my graduation Chris Matthews (host of hardball on MSNBC) spoke and he gave the graduating class these little cards that have informative bullet points on them in order to reach your goals. One of them said to get out there and bother everyone...dont stop knocking on doors until you get what you want....Ok so we... Tue, 7 Jun 2011 17:00:24 EST Spring Cleaning anybody? Ok so granted I could do a little spring cleaning around my apartment but I'd rather start with a little spring cleaning to benefit myself in order to be a better me. I'll get to the apartment spring cleaning eventually, besides that wont take as long as my personal spring cleaning. <BR> <BR> Changing your lifestyle is not an easy task. Change in general can certainly be scary and thats what I am enduring at this moment in my life. Lots of changes...I feel like that happens a lot when your ... Mon, 30 May 2011 17:12:03 EST I've GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh...what a relief. So Thursday May 12th marked my graduation from college. Finally! Even though I graduated a year late that set back doesnt take away from the amazing day I had. It was gorgeous and Temple had a really nice ceremony. It was a little hot while the 6000+ students lined up anxiously waiting to enter the venue. As we did we felt on top of the world, all of these people were here for us! Our guest speaker was Chris Matthews from Hardball on MSNBC, he gave some great advice abo... Sun, 15 May 2011 16:14:54 EST Personal Bizzzzzzzzzz Big SIGHH! haha ok guys so Im sure some of you have noticed..well Im hoping some of you have noticed that I have been kind of MIA the past month or so. I've been dealing with a lot of personal things in my life parents seperation and my grandmother also passed away a week after I found out about my parents. So a bunch of stuff all at once. I've been kind of stressed with all of those things along with trying to finish up my last weeks of college. 3 weeks and I will gradute! It's very scary be... Fri, 22 Apr 2011 12:52:10 EST Changesss Just some thoughts...and why I havent been around the past week <BR> Sat, 26 Mar 2011 00:46:09 EST When to step in?? sorry for the ramble Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:32:40 EST