ALLIE4993's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ALLIE4993 ALLIE4993's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ A New Journey http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6169499 It's been some time since I blogged and I don't like when I'm not involved with my spark family but life happens and things get pushed aside and unfortunately this and many other things got pushed aside while I was undergoing a transition in life. <BR> <BR> I recently ended a 2 year relationship that I thought was going somewhere but unfortunately while he was deployed he decided to explore other people while I was at home taking care of everything. I know I made the right decision to leave... Tue, 24 May 2016 12:56:54 EST The best workout partner http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6118153 Wow I didn't even realize how long it had been since I blogged on Spark. I'm still active and use the site as a resource for my journey to better health and blogging was one of those things that I use to do. Obviously the time has gotten away from me. I'm hoping I can get back into it a little more regularly. <BR> <BR> I'm a part of the FBI team on the BLC Challenge. I love my team and my amazing teammates. For months now I have been telling them how I want to start running and I've looked ... Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:51:35 EST 9.29.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6006041 Yesterday was a long day and I wasn't successful in getting any exercise in, not even a 10 minute walk. It was raining most of the day but there were periods where I could have still gotten this in, I just didn't. <BR> <BR> The past few days I haven't been making the best food choices so today I am prepared and ready to make better decisions. I have been tracking my calories though even if I am ashamed of how much I consumed it keep me aware of what I am eating. <BR> <BR> Today I am plann... Tue, 29 Sep 2015 08:55:20 EST 9.28.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6005473 Happy Monday! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/eb9e22d0-7e4f-4a62-b4dd-fd560bd7f39f.jpg"> <BR> <BR> So true! And I have to keep remembering this, not only for my health goals but for my goals to improve my overall well being. I have lacked a lot of self confidence and tend to self sabotage and talk negative to myself which only holds me back from doing the things I like. It has been a vicious cycle ever since I was a child. This is something I so desperately want ... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 10:30:22 EST 9.23.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6002646 I'm feeling pretty good today. I'm struggling with a few personal things and I'm trying to deal with them as best as possible and keep a positive outlook. Being an adult is hard!! lol <BR> <BR> BLC29 starts today and I'm super pumped to begin. Shout out to K8tertots for the advice on joining the BLC. WOOT WOOT! Thanks girl!! <BR> <BR> So today is my birthday and being that it is the beginning of BLC29 I really feel like I need to give it my all over the next 12 weeks as a birthday present... Wed, 23 Sep 2015 10:37:20 EST 9.22.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6002124 Yesterday I was all ready for the gym and I got there and grabbed my clothes to go change and as I'm changing I realize I forgot my shorts!! My gym is on the way home from work for me so I hit the gym then head home after that and I wasn't about to drive an additional hour of time to go back to the gym later so I just walked around my neighborhood with Max instead. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow marks the beginning of the BLC29 which will be my first BLC. I'm excited and I'm gonna get myself all organi... Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:26:48 EST 9.21.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6001460 The weekend was good. Mt bf is FINALLYYY done with training and is now a Chief Petty Office in the United States Navy. I'm super proud of him and all the work he has put in to move up in rank. <BR> <BR> Saturday we went to the Khaki Ball which his command put on in order to welcome all the new Chiefs to the Chief's Mess. It was nice to get to know some of the other people and make some new friends. We had an awesome time which we never get to do anymore so that was a much needed night for b... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 12:59:55 EST 9.9.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5993984 Yesterday was a long day for me and I knew it would be but I didn't plan for it. I didn't have any food prepped and ready to go when I left in the AM. <BR> <BR> I have an hour long drive to work and it's difficult to ignore a grumbling belly so of course I stopped and got fast food. I was able to quickly grab something for lunch but I didn't plan for dinner so of course I stopped and got MOREEEE fast food I didn't even make good decisions. I could have gotten a salad but I didn't, I got fri... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 09:01:29 EST 9.8.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5993525 Had a pretty good weekend overall. However I think I may have broken a toe. Not sure though... <BR> <BR> Saturday I met up with a friend for lunch and got some fish. Then Sunday I was watching my niece and nephew most of the day and then had an awesome date night with my BF. I totally over indulged with the margaritas but we don't ever go out anymore and barely have time together so it was a treat. Yesterday I spent most of my time cleaning and doing housework then had my therapy appointmen... Tue, 8 Sep 2015 15:27:38 EST 9.3.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5990108 So yesterday I didn't get a workout in because I was watching my niece and nephew. I took my nephew to a little park while my niece was at dance class and we ran around on the playground so at least I was moving a little bit lol. Also I was able to get a 30 minute walk in with Max (my dog). <BR> <BR> Just my nephew and I hanging out on the bench <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/20c4b2e3-c466-4933-8651-0179494c6bfa.JPG"> <BR> <BR> I did horrible with food yesterd... Thu, 3 Sep 2015 08:07:02 EST 9.2.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5989407 It's already Wednesday! <BR> <BR> I got to the gym again yesterday which makes me feel awesome. I'm going to struggle with feeling bored when I'm there. I have my music and what not but I just get super bored after awhile. Good news is I am feeling sore and know that what I am doing is working, well at least I felt that way yesterday. When I stepped on the scale this morning I was up .6 NOT COOL!!! Super frustrated with that because I have been tracking my calories and am starting up my gym... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 08:22:01 EST 9.1.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5988759 Happy September ya'll! <BR> <BR> So I got back in the gym yesterday after about 2 1/2 weeks of not going. I get in this mindset of feeling like I don't belong there and that everyone is staring at me and watching me and criticizing me. HA! Talk about letting my psyche get the best of me geeze louise. So I told that part of me to SHUT UP and just got back to it. I need to not care so much about what these strangers think of me and just focus on bettering myself. <BR> <BR> So I got my worko... Tue, 1 Sep 2015 10:59:49 EST 8.31.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5987888 So I clearly need to do a better job of blogging at least every other day. I was aiming for everyday and well life happens. Anyway I'll try working on that. <BR> <BR> I got a nice little hike in this weekend with my pup Max. He did awesome and he helps keep me moving! I should have taken pics of the park we were at it was so beautiful. <BR> <BR> I've been really slacking on hitting the gym after work. I've had a lot of other stuff going on in my life that has kept me late or I was too tir... Mon, 31 Aug 2015 07:59:06 EST 8.24.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5983871 I've been getting back into the groove of tracking my food again. I'm doing pretty good with not over eating. The weekends is where I fall off the wagon and forget to track but I try to make wise choices. I really need to get into the routine of cooking food on the weekends because I am just too tired to deal with cooking during the week and well some of the food I buy ends up going bad before I get to cooking it and well that's just money down the drain. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I am going to tr... Mon, 24 Aug 2015 13:25:15 EST 8.21.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5982029 Can't believe it's almost been a month since I posted anything. CRAP! <BR> <BR> A lot of things have been changing and I need to start making some adult decisions and start being more disciplined. I feel myself sliding backwards into a depression again and thats the last thing I want/need. I haven't gone to the gym in almost two weeks. I bring my stuff with me to go after work and then I just keep driving and end up at home instead. <BR> <BR> I did get a hike in with my pooch on Wednesday... Fri, 21 Aug 2015 11:02:34 EST 7.28.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5967844 Feeling pretty good today. I've been slacking on food tracking. Need to get back to doing that. The weekends really get me in this department. <BR> <BR> I'm starting a new strength training routine today. Hoping I can start toning some areas and building some strength. I've laid out my plan below. This is a reasonable plan for me and one that I can stick to. I've never done a strength training routine so I may have to experiment a lot to see what will be effective in making changes. <BR> ... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 08:17:49 EST 7.23.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5965299 So I've been trying to re-coop from my workout on Sunday. I couldn't walk on Monday or Tuesday from the intense routine that my bf introduced to me. I've never been so sore from working out, my joints were locking up on me, it was crazy. <BR> <BR> I definitely pushed myself too far and will not be doing that again. I ended up losing 3 days of working out because of one workout. To me it isn't worth it. I can still get a good workout in and push myself but that is the last time I go to the e... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 07:49:34 EST 7.20.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5963786 Holy moly I can't move. <BR> <BR> I finally FINALLYYY found a gym. I joined the YMCA on Thursday after work. They were very affordable and they have a decent amount of equipment and fitness classes. Perfect, just what I need! <BR> <BR> So I went over the weekend and my BF came with me to show me a strength training program I should start incorporating into my routine. Keep in mind I am use to doing cardio workouts and Pilates here and there. I'm not use to targeting specific muscle group... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 13:42:26 EST 7.16.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5961606 I made it!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm there....I've arrived!!! I'm in the 150's again!! WOOOT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT <BR> <BR> Hahahaha. I honestly wasn't even expecting that to happen this morning but the scale said "Good Morning, today is going to be a great day for you because guess what? You currently weigh 159.6" Oh boy did that wake me up this morning! I felt like a little teenage girl going on a date for the first time. <BR> <BR> So this past week I have really been focused on my foo... Thu, 16 Jul 2015 08:19:04 EST 7.15.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5961082 I've been getting major headaches lately and I think it is because I don't drink enough water. So today I've added that as a new goal of mine. <BR> <BR> I'm less than a pound from being back in the 150's again!!!!! Yippieeeee. <BR> <BR> I went to check out another gym today in my area and it was ok. I live in a pretty remote area and I feel like maybe I shouldn't be so picky but if I'm spending money on something I want to feel as though it's worth it ya know what I mean? Anywhoooo, this ... Wed, 15 Jul 2015 08:02:25 EST 7.14.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5960539 Finally got my food tracking in order. I've been pretty consistent with that for the past few days. I've tried a few different approaches and realized that writing down what I'm eating makes a bigger difference for me than tracking it on spark. <BR> <BR> Alsoooo goooood newss that I'm superrrr excitedddd about!!!! We got a DOGGGGGG!!! He is precious and such a good boy. He is a rescue pup and is just the sweetest little man ever. I've been getting into a routine of walking him every night b... Tue, 14 Jul 2015 08:04:29 EST 7.9.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5957979 Feeling good this morning. Stepped on the scale and lost a little over a pound! I can definitely feel it around my waist. <BR> <BR> I've been researching gyms in my area and the few that are around me are out of my price range. I'm thinking joining a gym isn't much of an option for me and I'll just need to be really diligent about working out at home. <BR> <BR> Today's goal: 30 minutes on the bike, drink 72 oz of water, get an evening walk in. <BR> Thu, 9 Jul 2015 09:09:21 EST 7.8.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5957737 I've been getting back on track in regards to tracking my food intake again. This has really allowed me to see what I'm eating and how many calories I'm taking it. Definitely an eye opener. <BR> <BR> Today I got a bike ride in. I did about 15 minutes and then I started to feel really dizzy and like I was about to pass out so I had to stop. It was really hot out and I think I didn't get enough water in before I worked out. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get 30 minutes in. I also went for a walk abou... Wed, 8 Jul 2015 20:55:52 EST 6.30.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5953244 The past week or so I have been feeling disgusted with myself. It's funny cause when I binge I feel the same way but I never wanted to do anything to change it. Yesterday I was tired of feeling bloated and horrible that I really had to be honest and true to myself in regards to how I have been treating me. <BR> <BR> So I made a conscious effort yesterday to begin the path to change. This is the first time I have really made an effort rather than just giving it a pitiful attempt. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 30 Jun 2015 09:37:08 EST 6.23.15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5949761 So today my goal is to get some exercise in when I get home. It's gonna suck because it's 100 degrees outside and I HATE WORKING OUT INDOORS!!!! I use to ride my bike ALL the time and over the past year I haven't done it as much so I'm hoping today I can get a bike ride in. I'm thinking I will have to start squeezing this in in the AM. Hoping a 5am alarm won't be necessary for me to have to fit exercise into my day. Here is to the next step in my journey...moving my butt!! Tue, 23 Jun 2015 12:49:58 EST A little more time for me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5949153 So I finally got a hike in over the weekend. After a month, actually more than a month of moving/unpacking/organizing the new house I finally have a little more time to do other things that I enjoy such as hiking!!! So I got a hike in yesterday. It was VERY short as I had a complaining companion so I cut it short as I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it lol. I was still happy I was able to squeeze one in this weekend. <BR> <BR> My goals for the week: <BR> Start tracking food intake more regular... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 11:44:49 EST Being Happy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5946067 I'm not really sure how to define what happy looks like for me. I know when I feel happy, but overall how does one truly know they are happy with their life? I haven't figured that one out yet but I want to. I've suffered from depression which in turn has resulted in other issues I haven't been able to resolve yet. I don't like feeling this way, in fact I don't think anyone who has to deal with it likes feeling that way. We all know the various ways of coping with it however it's a matter of ... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:37:23 EST Day 58-Just another day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5939042 I HATE waking up, i'm not cranky, I just am a walking zombie. It especially doesn't help that I wake up in the morning to a buzzing alarm, or two, or 8. Seriously I will set at least 5 alarms in order for me to wake up in the morning it's that bad. Because of this I give myself just enough time to get ready and walk out the door and no time to eat breakfast. <BR> <BR> I'm hoping that I can really get into a routine of waking up and having just enough time to eat a bowl of cereal or even yog... Wed, 3 Jun 2015 11:36:43 EST Day 53- Where did May go? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5936296 Geeze, it's almost June! I have honestly been so busy I didn't realize this month was almost over with. I think about all that I have done and all that I could have done and I just get all caught up in what I didn't accomplish that I need to remind myself I'm only one person and to focus on what I have accomplished <BR> <BR> I really don't know how some people do it I feel like I need to follow one of those ladies around who works full time, has a family, works out, spends time with friends,... Fri, 29 May 2015 13:30:46 EST Day 52- Running in Place http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5935745 I'm feeling as though I haven't been able to give enough attention to making healthy choices because of this lovely life transition of moving. I feel so blessed to have such a nice home but I feel like I'm running in place. I haven't made any progress in reaching my goals and that makes me frustrated. I have focused so much time on getting moved in and unpacking that that is all I have had time for. <BR> <BR> I have made progress in my bingeing choices and haven't binged for a couple weeks ... Thu, 28 May 2015 13:51:57 EST Day 50- Getting back on track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5934552 So last weekend we finished up our move FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has probably been the most stressful two weeks I've experienced in a long time and I'm super glad it is over with. My apologies for being MIA during that time. <BR> <BR> We finally have internet set up but no wireless yet so that's a work in progress. We spent all of Friday and Saturday finishing up the move and unpacking and Sunday we celebrated our anniversary by sleeping in and going to the park for a picnic. It was perfec... Tue, 26 May 2015 12:27:34 EST Day 43- Just Tired http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5930656 We have FINALLYYYYY moved in to our new house. It was a super exciting time and exhausting as well. We spent all of last weekend just moving as much as we could pretty much going until midnight each night and we still haven't gotten everything out of both places yet. <BR> <BR> It has been getting hot here as well and the breaker to our A/C unit doesn't work properly so we attempted to switch that out last night however it started raining of course so another day with very little accomplishe... Tue, 19 May 2015 08:28:25 EST Day 37- Out of touch http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5927697 Man, I spent all last weekend packing and moving, and driving and packing some more. I ended up even locking myself out of our new house. Apparently I don't have all the keys that go to the doors to the house. I have the key to the front door but not to the knob on the garage door. $60 later I was back in the house. It was a stressful weekend and to add to it my bf will not be back in time to help me move the rest of my stuff so I'm on my own. Fun stuff, when does it end? <BR> <BR> On a bet... Wed, 13 May 2015 20:34:49 EST Day 32-Im done with today. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5925045 I had my blog post ready to go and my iPad froze so therefore I lost the whole post. This seems appropriate for the day I have had. <BR> <BR> I'll just cut to the chase. I hated today. It was nothing but stress chasing me wherever I went. Work, getting new house stuff in order, my bf being gone through this whole house buying and moving process. I've come to terms with him being in the military. I get it and I admire him for it. I'm used to him leaving with no notice, not knowing where he i... Fri, 8 May 2015 22:16:43 EST Day 31-stressful day with a peaceful ending http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5924439 So I've been stressing about our move coming up soon simply because I don't know 100% if it will happen when we are planning and if my bf isn't back in time I have to figure out a plan B which I'm not sure what that would be at this point. Work was really hectic today and I had a mental freak out as I thought I had lost something so needless to say today was stressful. Also I feel like I have to pick up after my coworkers. I didn't realize I was working among children. PICK UP YOUR STUFFFFF!!... Thu, 7 May 2015 19:30:08 EST Day 30- Crazy Busy Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5923874 So today was closing day on our house! Unfortunately my bf couldn't be there as he is away for a military assignment, such is military life. Luckily everything went fine and the house is ours!!!! We aren't planning to move in until next weekend when he get's back but I will probably start bringing some boxes and random stuff down there this weekend (it's an hour from where I live now) I'm super excited to start this next phase in our life, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement, st... Wed, 6 May 2015 20:10:12 EST Day 29- Seeing the reality http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5923249 I haven't been giving it my all and today that reality really sunk in for me. I'm on day 29 of trying to live a healthier lifestyle and in some ways I have done such that and in other ways I certainly haven't. I've layed out some of the things I want to accomplish on this lovely journey. My end goal date is..well, never, or when I leave this earth I suppose. <BR> <BR> <BR> How I will reach my goal of living a healthier lifestyle: <BR> -Make better food choices such as including more fruits... Tue, 5 May 2015 19:53:29 EST Day 27: Catching Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5922373 Geeze the weekend flew by. My bf is active duty military and got back from a month long training on Friday and left again Sunday for a quick two week exercise. So we spent a little bit of time together and the rest of the weekend was spent packing. <BR> <BR> We are currently in the process of buying a house which is super exciting but also very stressful as we have had to push dates back move appointments around etc because of the ever changing demands of his job. It comes with the territor... Mon, 4 May 2015 11:06:58 EST Day 22- Veggie's galore http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5919884 Alrighty so today was a day full of vegetables. Big salad for lunch with chicken, pears, pecans and a raspberry vinaigrette. UGHHH SO DELICIOUS!!!! Then I made homemade curry yesterday so had that with some rice for dinner. Ok so this maybe too much info but after I eat the curry I feel really bloated. I loaded the curry with all kinds of vegetables...broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, eggplant, mushrooms, and some chicken. It's delicious and I really get my veggies in for the day but man o man... Wed, 29 Apr 2015 21:16:04 EST Day 21- Feeling the aches http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5919016 So I'm sure other people feel this way or ya'll may just think I'm crazy but I look forward to being sore the day following a workout. It let's me know I pushed myself and my muscles to a point that they haven't been pushed before. I'm using them in ways they aren't use to and they are getting stronger. Whenever I feel sore I think yesss my muscles are getting stronger!!!!! In this case my back and shoulder muscles are pretty sore today which is fine cause I feel like I have an excess in bac... Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:50:47 EST Day 20- Movin and Groovin http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5918734 Today was the day I fianlly got my butt moving. I love to hike but I wanted to incorporate more intensive cardio training into my routine. I did a 30 min HIT <BR> (high intensity training) video and I wasn't sure if I could get through the whole thing but I did!!!! I felt so accomplished at the end and knew that each time I do that video it will only be easier than the first time! Thinking about that allowed me to ignore my thoughts of just giving up. <BR> <BR> I forgot how good it felt to... Mon, 27 Apr 2015 21:06:38 EST Day 18- Treating your body with respect http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5917483 A few posts ago I mentioned I didn't really know what loving myself was supposed to look like. I think this will be a long journey of trying to truly figure out what this looks like for me. However, in my quest to figure out how to truly love myself again I have realized that respecting my body is one facet of this journey. <BR> <BR> I haven't respected my body at all in the past year. I have consumed foods that aren't nutritious and are full of sugar, fat, synthetic additives, GMO's and th... Sat, 25 Apr 2015 13:34:02 EST Day 16 - Feeling Sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5916386 So I haven't been incorporating any exercise into my routine yet, I've simply been focusing on trying to manage my food intake-first with portion control and emotional eating and then with quality food choices. <BR> <BR> Well my plan was to begin incorporating exercise today however death came knocking on my door at 2am. I could feel the blood leaving my face and the cold sweat coming on. I'm in the middle of moving and of course packed up my box of medical supplies where my thermometer liv... Thu, 23 Apr 2015 11:46:31 EST Day 14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5915345 I've been struggling with how to love myself. I have moments I think I love myself, however there clearly is some doubt if I "think" I love myself or is it that I just don't know what loving myself actually looks like? <BR> <BR> I didn't grow up with parents who encouraged me or told me they were proud of me. I grew up around a lot of judgement and criticism therefore I feel the idea of loving myself is a pretty foreign concept to me. I'm not sure what that looks like or how to achieve such... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 19:45:30 EST Day 9 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5912428 So this week my mother has been in town visiting. For whatever reason when people come to visit you tend to just let go of all inhibitions to maintain your healthy decisions. <BR> <BR> With a weekend full of bbq, beer, mexican, margaritas, wings, more beer, fries, burgers, even more beer....I feel guilty. <BR> <BR> Not only did I indulge I just thew in the towel and gave up! You have that conversation with yourself "ok one, beer..oh they ordered wings??!! Ok, fine since they ordered wings... Thu, 16 Apr 2015 14:17:49 EST Day 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5911724 2 pounds down and I can feel a difference. Small changes can make an impact helping to drive your motivation to reach that BIG goal. One day at a time and I know I can reach my goal. <BR> <BR> I feel like I am slowly getting a grasp on controlling the amount of food I am eating. <BR> <BR> Next Steps: <BR> Continue to control my food intake <BR> <BR> Begin eating healthier food choices <BR> Begin incorporating exercise 2-3 days per week. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> <em>20</em... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 10:07:57 EST Day 6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5910496 Temptation struck big time this weekend and I certainly indulged. Too many drinks and too much food. In my mind I have this conversation with myself saying I will make better choices...then that conversation seems to be null and void once it comes time to make the decisions. <BR> <BR> This is how I continuously fall off the wagon because I end up giving up on myself and my feat to live a healthier lifestyle. I make some bad choices and then throw my hands up on the air and over indulge. AHH... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 11:39:36 EST Day 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5908814 1 pound down! I feel like I should be more excited about that. I mean it's 1 whole pound!! 3500 calories!! I suppose it is because I haven't done anything to deserve losing it. No exercise, no healthy eating, more like lack of eating. <BR> <BR> Everyone always talks about setting goals, along with smaller goals leading up to the overall goal. My fear is I set those goals and I'll hit a bump in the road and derail my whole feat of living a healthier lifestyle. I need a reality check here to ... Fri, 10 Apr 2015 10:13:33 EST Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5907625 Time to get to it...again. <BR> <BR> It sucks saying that...again. You have all the hope in the world that this time will be it to make a change, until you look back days, months, sometimes years later to see that change didn't occur. What went wrong? Regret builds and you start to have self doubt, will this time really be it? Will I stick to my plan in order to reach my goals? <BR> <BR> I recognize questioning my ability won't help me achieve my goals but I do really want to understand w... Wed, 8 Apr 2015 10:04:34 EST Fighting Temptations http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5624726 So I tried my best to fight the temptations around me! Sat, 15 Feb 2014 11:59:39 EST