ADARKARA's SparkPeople Blog ADARKARA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community On My AML Blog <link><BR>e-with-the-volume-up/ </link> <BR> <BR> I've been trying to come here and write more lately, but there's so much going on. Here's a glimpse. Mon, 16 Oct 2017 21:14:00 EST Oh Hai My life is changing, and my spare time is suffering. <BR> <BR> My week: <BR> <BR> Sunday: Walking group, grocery shopping, cooking dinner from scratch <BR> Monday: Heavy workout, (hopefully) blogging on, making breakfasts, cooking dinner from scratch for the week <BR> Tuesday: Plasma donation, a full day's work, cooking dinner from scratch, doing live makeup demonstrations for my side job as a Younique Presenter <BR> Wednesday: Morning workout, a full day's work, cook... Fri, 22 Sep 2017 11:45:55 EST Re-Dedicating & A Goal Met I gave myself the weekend to eat it like I stole it. I felt so full I felt ill each night when I went to bed. But today, August 1st, 2017. I'm going to re-dedicate myself to eating well and tracking everything. The evenings will be the hardest: when I'm stuck at home with the husband I no longer want to be with. <BR> <BR> This morning I weighed in at 175.4, more than 15 lbs from the goal weight I hit almost 4 years ago. I will take my time and I will take at least some of this weight off. M... Tue, 1 Aug 2017 11:56:48 EST Forgive Me I'm not here as much as I'd like. I log my food (or some of it anyway) every day, and I read blogs, but I'm not present. I forget to post my things for the Rowdy Rebels before I pass out on the couch. I don't leave inspiring comments to help you all along on your journey. <BR> <BR> The truth is, I'm failing at everything. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. The next 8 months are going to be so difficult for me. I'm just trying to survive the emotional rollercoaster I'm on. My marriag... Wed, 19 Jul 2017 11:04:19 EST Positive Changes <img src="">Last weekend I spent 5 glorious days off from work and went to Virginia, both to seem my mom and spend two days hiking in Shenandoah. I went alone, and it really was what I needed to clear my head and heart a little. <BR> <BR> In my heart and mind, my marriage is over. I don't love my husband anymore, and I probably haven't for quite a few years. The short and dirty of it is he has always, and I mean ... Mon, 3 Jul 2017 18:23:17 EST You Are NOT A Perfect Machine I've been at this weight loss game a LONG TIME. I started this journey here on Sparkpeople in April 2012, more than five years ago. And I've learned a lot about the human body in that time, both from experience and self-education. I've observed thousands of people do amazing, then burn out, then come back, rinse and repeat. Hey, stuff happens and we fall off the wagon. You came back, it's all good! <BR> <BR> But what drives me crazy is this mentality: <BR> <BR> "I had a deficit every day th... Tue, 20 Jun 2017 12:37:44 EST Oh Hey, Look! It's a POSITIVE blog! As I look back on my SparkPage the last few months, there's a lot of negativity there. Seems I only check in and blog when I'm venting or feeling overwhelmed, so today I figured I would blog about some good things from this week. <BR> <BR> a) I got a raise. It's tiny, very tiny, but it's something, and I didn't actually have to ask for it. My boss just gave it to me. <BR> <BR> b) my bingeing is over for now. I've actually eaten just under my lower end he last few days. Not because I'm sta... Sat, 17 Jun 2017 14:14:00 EST Another Tough Week My counselor says I need to allow myself to realize that what I'm going through is an incredibly difficult thing, and all the feelings I've been dealing with are normal. <BR> <BR> I had such good intentions this weekend. I wanted to get so much done on my cookbook. I wanted to eat healthy and work out and feel great about myself because this was the weekend my husband was FINALLY going somewhere without me, and I'd have the apartment to myself. I wanted to see what it felt like to live alon... Tue, 13 Jun 2017 16:00:52 EST So It's Been a Minute... Yes I'm back on the fitness track. And I'm almost back on the healthy eating track, too. I overate healthy food yesterday. <BR> <BR> I sort of bombed the end of the Spring Challenge, apologies to my Rowdy Rebels. I plan to rejoin you at the end of this month for the Summer Challenge and see if I can do better. Spending a girls' weekend down the shore and enjoying entirely too many donuts, danish and MUCH TOO MUCH delicious fudge really did me in for a few days, despite how active I was. And... Tue, 6 Jun 2017 16:20:39 EST Taking a Short Workout Break I am going through a period of depression. This is not surprising considering all I'm going through right now. I have spent so much of the last 72 hours crying and trying to figure out my life. The good news is when I'm crying I don't eat. Today is supposed to be my heaviest workout day, but I was so upset this morning I couldn't motivate myself to do anything physically active. Instead I went to Panera and worked on my cookbook for 2 hours. The theme of my cookbook is healthy recipes with ex... Mon, 22 May 2017 17:54:48 EST Venting I'm sitting here at my desk after just having spoken to my mom. This is the first time I've mentioned any problems with my husband to her. As I expected, she handled the situation in the most pragmatic way possible. <BR> <BR> I've got so much flying around in my head right now. I mean I'm analyzing massive life changes but I can't seem to make any sort of solid decision on anything. Housing, my dog, changing careers, moving out of state, etc. I had thought of maybe going back to graduate sc... Sat, 20 May 2017 19:19:05 EST New Workout Plan I have a tendency to take on way too many projects at once and overwhelm myself. I've been working out 6 days a week with an active Sunday for a couple of years now, so it's time to change it up for sure. I'm going to maintain the amount of calories I burn in a week, but I'm going to condense the days I work out to 4 instead of 6. <BR> <BR> Sunday <BR> Active Rest Day - Walking Group <BR> <BR> Monday <BR> Lower body, with heavy emphasis on butt and thighs. It's my day off so I have plenty... Wed, 17 May 2017 15:09:02 EST Therapy and Protein Powder I love my therapist. I found a Groupon for the website that gave me 2 months of unlimited messaging counseling for $99, and I figured at that price I'd give it a shot. The first counselor I was assigned was an idiot, so I switched and got Lindsay. Lindsay not only almost immediately picked up on my main issues, but responded to them with zero judgment (as every counselor should) and with a soft, sweet kindness that makes me feel safe to say anything that's on my mind. I'm also ... Wed, 10 May 2017 13:07:28 EST A Request for Ideas Right now I'm doing my best to keep my head above water with all the things I feel I need to get done. I'm trying to play catch up but really I'm just treading water. I'm struggling with good ideas for posts on my Wellness blog, <BR> <BR> Do any of you have health/food or fitness topics you'd like to learn about? I'd love some ideas on what to write. It would be really helpful! <BR> <BR> Thanks! Sat, 6 May 2017 07:37:23 EST A Difficult Week As you all know, I've started online counseling to deal with what's going on in my life and marriage. I've been in marriage counseling for more than a year, and while the little things have improved, the big things are exactly the same. I have worked hard to try to fix this, but through my own personal counseling I've come to realize that I've done everything I can and it's out of my hands now. If my husband doesn't decide he wants to change, there isn't anything at all I can do about it. I'm... Sat, 29 Apr 2017 09:07:34 EST Update: Emotion Edition So I finally decided that things weren't going to get better for me unless I went to counseling. A good friend of mine told me about and I found a Groupon that made it only $99 for 2 months of unlimited messaging counseling. Basically there is a messaging app on their site, you send a message, and your counselor responds to you in 24 hours. You can also schedule phone calls or live messaging sessions if you like. <BR> <BR> The first lady I had... well... let's just say I felt... Thu, 20 Apr 2017 16:03:11 EST How I'm Feeling The PMS is super bad this month. No tears today but I am SO DOWN. It lies to me and tells me I don't matter to anyone. My anxiety is ramped up too, and my chest feels like a big hole that can't be filled. I KNOW it's PMS. But it still sucks. The good news is my food was on point yesterday and so far today. Seems like last week was bad (Saturday being the worst) and I've made it over the hump. Let's hope so. For now I just want to not feel so sad. Mon, 10 Apr 2017 19:27:12 EST Week 3 Clean Eating Update This week was awful. I've been ridiculously emotional this week.Yesterday's eating was an absolute disaster. I'm PMSing something fierce and instead of crying it out yesterday I ate. Today I'm crying it out. My heart just hurts today. All the things that sit in the back of my mind haunting me are in full force today: my past, my present and my future. I read someone describe this feeling as feeling like an overripe tomato: if someone touches you, you bruise. I'm just very, very sensitive. <B... Sun, 9 Apr 2017 17:17:43 EST Clean Eating Update - Day 13 So I'm smack dab in the middle of the 4-week Mostly Clean Meal Plan, and I'm actually shocked how well it's been going. I started this challenge for myself on March 19th and I weighed 176.6 lbs. My original goal weight was 160 lbs, but I've been fluctuating between 165-175 for the last 2 years. This morning, on day 13, I weighed 169.0. What's extra surprising is I lost this week despite it being my ovulation time. My weight is usually UP surrounding my ovulation, which means it should continu... Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:34:38 EST 40 Things About Me Borrowed from MISSDORKNESS, ONEKIDSMOM, POLSKARENIA, et. al.: <BR> <BR> Learn 40 things about your friends and let them learn 40 things about you. <BR> <BR> 1. Do you like blue cheese? <BR> Only on buffalo wings. <BR> <BR> 2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? <BR> Yes, in college, always accompanying social drinking. <BR> <BR> 3. Do you own a gun? <BR> No. <BR> <BR> 4. What is your favorite sweet drink? <BR> Coke Zero <BR> <BR> 5. Do you hold any diploma(s), degree(s) or certific... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 07:12:23 EST Miscellany I'm still here. Life has been busy, in a good way. I wrapped up my bookkeeping business because both of my clients closed their businesses. No worries there. I started a NEW side job as a Younique makeup Presenter. I threw a party with my sponsor and it went really well, so I'm looking forward to throwing my own solo party! Honestly if you'd asked me 5 years ago if I'd be direct selling ANYTHING let alone makeup I'd have rolled my eyes at you. But it's fun! Makeup is fun for me and it helps m... Sat, 18 Mar 2017 18:39:12 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 4 & 5 Review I missed reviewing the challenge last week, and without going into detail, I've been depressed. I've been trying very hard to stay upbeat, but there is so much going on in my mind and heart right now that it's been a struggle. <BR> <BR> This very short summary: My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8. I used to think that "growing apart" was just a thing people said when they didn't want to talk about something worse but that really feels like what this is. I'm a vas... Sat, 25 Feb 2017 13:16:21 EST If You're Stuggling Here, Read This The root of every "evil" is looking to time and space for meaning, solutions, or identity; for friends, love, and laughter; for wealth, health, and harmony. <BR> <BR> The source of all material things is spirit, which is molded by your thoughts and then, without judgment, impressed upon matter before your very eyes. Trying to get what you want by looking to time and space is like trying to change your reflection in the mirror without changing yourself. <BR> <BR> Instead, look within. Crea... Thu, 23 Feb 2017 11:29:35 EST Better Booty? <img src=""> <BR> I caught a glimpse in the mirror and thought maybe all those squats are paying off. Wed, 22 Feb 2017 21:36:24 EST Loneliness and How You Sparkers Helped Me I wrote on my big blog about how you guys helped me the other day when I felt lonely. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>nt-alone-even-when-youre-lonely/ </link> <BR> <BR> <em>304</em> Sat, 18 Feb 2017 15:51:19 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 3 Review This week was decidedly better than the week before, food wide. I DID go over on Thursday. (Thursday seems to be my day?) But a loss happened, so I'm pleased. In fact, I got 2nd place in weight loss! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Here are my numbers: <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 7 Feb 2017 12:26:52 EST LIES: The Currency of Infomercials It's 6:40 and the only thing on is infomercials. UGH. <BR> <BR> NutriBullet Lean to be specific. <BR> <BR> All I'm hearing from the presenter is LIES LIES LIES in the guise of buzzwords. <BR> <BR> "Unlock the weight loss code." WHAT?! <BR> <BR> "Nutrients ready to be absorbed." THAT'S WHAT YOUR STOMACH DOES. <BR> <BR> "The food you eat does the work for you." Takes the responsibility away from you. <BR> <BR> "17.4 lbs in only 10 weeks." Okay, this is a very reasonable weight loss.... Mon, 30 Jan 2017 06:48:18 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 2 Review This week was... hard. <BR> <BR> I allowed myself to succumb to the negativity exchanged ON BOTH SIDES of the aisle in regards to American politics. Thursday was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I spent most of it trying not to break down into sobs at work. I got into an argument with a friend. For the first time in my 35 years on his planet, I FEEL like I, as a woman, am lesser. Marginalized. IT SUCKS. And I let it get to me. <BR> <BR> This past week was also when I am due to... Sun, 29 Jan 2017 08:36:09 EST Winter 5% Challenge - First Week Review Today is the very first weigh in day of the Winter 5% challenge, and, not surprisingly, the scale is up. <BR> <BR> Confession: I AM A DAILY WEIGHER. <BR> <BR> Why? Because I loooooove data. I'm a numbers girl, and I'm very observant of patterns. So no, I'm not surprised that the scale was up this week, because last week was TOM. My weight is generally the lowest of the month right before TOM, then slowly climbs until ovulation, then drops again before the next TOM. This is my pattern. <B... Sat, 21 Jan 2017 06:17:07 EST I Want Your Opinions, please Okay so I'm doing this with hesitation because the last time I posted something involving something similar I was accused by a stranger of wanting attention. <BR> <BR> I ordered 3 bikinis. I'm keeping them all. But I'm not feeling confident about them. I'm not asking for you to lie to me to make me feel better, but I'd like your opinions, please, because all I can see is how much work I need to do before Memorial Day weekend. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 17 Jan 2017 21:33:51 EST Snow Day <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Came home early from work today because of snow. <BR> <BR> I was supposed to go to a surprise party for tonight but it was canceled so I'm staying home. <BR> <BR> Since I got home, I have already put my clean clothes away, emptied the dishwasher, cleared the dining room table, mopped the floor in the kitchen, and now I'm cuddled up on the couch with the dog watching The Man in the High C... Sat, 7 Jan 2017 14:58:57 EST A Theory For most of December my weight hovered around 172 with my lowest weight at 169.4. My original goal weight was 160, but I've put on muscle and lost inches despite those 12 lbs. Still, I'd like to get a bit farther away from 175 so I have a bigger cushion. I've joined the 5% Winter Challenge, and while I think 5% of my body weight might not happen (I'm currently at 170 so 8.5 lbs is quite a bit to lose in 8 weeks for someone so close to goal already) I'm hoping it will get me back to 165. <BR>... Tue, 3 Jan 2017 08:13:56 EST My Christmas (LONG!!!!!!) I had a very nice Christmas! The Hubs, Bingley and I drove to Richmond, Va, to spend Christmas with my maternal birth family. I love this part of my family: it's where I get my sarcasm, sticktuitiveness, warmth and sense of humor. I fit right in. I had decided before we left that I'd get a pass to a gym near my mom's house instead of bringing workout equipment. This worked out brilliantly! There was a Gold's Gym less than 5 miles from her house, and they opened at 5 am. I could get up at my n... Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:47:04 EST My Day Off Yesterday was the only day of 12 that I had off from work. I decided I wasn't going to do anything remotely productive and I was just going to have a day of pampering myself. I 'slept in' to 7:30, had a short workout and took a nice long shower. I put on a mineral mask and sat around in my robe and gave myself a manicure. I walked Bingley, had a nice lunch of leftover turkey, butternut squash, craisin and wild rice casserole, then got dressed and hit the road. <BR> <BR> I live about 15 minu... Fri, 9 Dec 2016 11:06:51 EST My Crazy December I'm just going to list all the fun things I'm doing in December that will make my life crazy, along with my work schedule, haha. <BR> <BR> 1 - Work <BR> 2 - Work & Candlelight Shopping with Walking Group <BR> 3 - Work <BR> 4 - Grocery Shopping then 1/2 shift Work <BR> 5 - Haircut, 1/2 shift Work, trip to Peddler's Village to see Gingerbread Contest Display <BR> 6 - Work & Roadrunner Sports Christmas Party <BR> 7 - Work <BR> 8 - OFF but going into Philly to Christmas Market and to Amada to e... Sat, 3 Dec 2016 07:03:47 EST Post-Thanksgiving Update and Stress Eating My dietary changes have gone really, really well. Until yesterday. <BR> <BR> On Thanksgiving morning I ran my very first officially timed 5k, a Turkey Trot! I was nervous that I wasn't going to do well, but I'd told myself if I made a sub 40-minute time I'd be happy. I surprised myself and ran the whole way and finished in 32:29.3! I was so proud of myself! That was almost 10 minutes behind the winner but I wasn't worried about competing with more seasoned runners, just with myself, so I wa... Sun, 27 Nov 2016 08:23:00 EST A Wild Plan - Update I'm now a week into this plan and I have to say it's going really well. I tracked EVERYTHING I ate, used my heart rate monitor for all my workouts, and last week I had a calorie deficit of 2629. I'm very happy with that, considering one night I went a little overboard and had a few extra snacks. I did 6 workouts over 5 days. The best part? Re-incorporating peanut butter into an almost daily part of my diet has eliminated the desire to binge on it. Last Sunday I bought two jars of Crazy Richar... Sun, 20 Nov 2016 18:50:13 EST A Wild Plan Appears! I'm really toeing the line of being under 100 lbs lost. At my lowest weight I was 160, and this morning I'm 173. This is unacceptable, especially going into the holiday season. I've been stressed, and this has lead to emotional eating, especially at night right before bed, when I'm tired and my resolve is low. So I've come up with a new eating plan that hopefully will help me not eat 500 calories of peanut butter right before bed. I thought back to how I ate when I hit goal, and I realized th... Mon, 14 Nov 2016 09:10:43 EST Kettlebell Snatch Practice Plus Some Outfits I'm practicing 20 lb kettlebell snatches. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> I got this at Kohl's for $6.80! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The outfit I work to the Girl's Night Out at Roadrunner Sports! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.... Thu, 27 Oct 2016 16:37:10 EST Update First of all, I want to thank each and everyone one of you for commenting on my blog yesterday. I intend to personally respond to you all as I can. <BR> <BR> I think writing it out helped some. It felt like I was confessing a great secret: I am not perfect, and maintenance is not sunshine and rainbows all the time (or most of the time). It's work. <BR> <BR> After I wrote that blog I went to an Out of the Darkness walk with my walking group. For those of you that don't know, it's a charity... Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:24:31 EST Seriously Struggling I'm overwhelmed right now. My boss caused both showroom employees to quit last week, and we've been scrambling to find new people for the holiday season. I had a really long talk with him about self-sabotage, and how it's hard to watch, and I realized I've been doing the same thing with food lately. <BR> <BR> I'm a stress eater. My life is not bad right now. Far from it. But it needs work. (Doesn't it always?) I'm dealing with a husband with self-esteem so low that when I provide constructi... Sun, 16 Oct 2016 08:50:57 EST Why I Will Never Do Whole30 I love beans and peanuts. Beans and peanuts (all legumes, actually) are nutritious. Many beans are an excellent source of vegan protein. <BR> <BR> The Whole30 plan states that: <BR> <BR> "Legumes are often recommended as a healthy dietary choice, based on their fiber, vitamins and minerals, and “high” protein content. But legumes aren’t really a dense protein source (most contain two to three times as much carbohydrate as protein), and they’re nowhere near as dense (or complete) as the pr... Sat, 8 Oct 2016 10:47:57 EST Dr. Oz The Good Life Magazine Article About ME! Remember when I shared some big news about a magazine article a while back? If not you can read it here: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6188782 </link> <BR> <BR> Well the October Issue of Dr. Oz The Good Life is out on newsstands and you might see a familiar face on page 37! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> PS - As a precaution I'm going to say this: if ... Fri, 2 Sep 2016 19:47:26 EST Questioning My Success (2 Year "Maintenance" Anniversary) Maintenance is so much more frustrating than losing weight. <BR> <BR> Science says that the longer you keep off weight loss, the more likely you are to keep it off in the future. In the two years since I hit my goal weight, I *have* managed to keep off 100 of the 115 lbs I've lost. This is what I wrote about maintenance last year on my 1-year anniversary: <BR> <BR> "Adding weight training makes you gain weight. In the past year I have fluctuated between 167 and 174 lbs, which, you will not... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 08:42:47 EST Miscellany! I've been sort of in introvert mode lately, so I wanted to drop in and say hi and catch you all up on what I've been up to. <BR> <BR> Reading: I've been voraciously consuming as much Hugh Howey as I can. If you like dystopian future stories he's your man. Character driven drama with a big fat dose of hope. <em>250</em> <BR> Working Out: (Duh.) I had the Adventure Run last week and a crabby lady nearly ruined it for me as she shot me dirty looks the whole night BUT I did this fun obstacl... Tue, 16 Aug 2016 11:15:54 EST Relaxation is Sometimes Necessary! In which I recommend occasional relaxation for mental and physical health! Mon, 8 Aug 2016 18:30:55 EST "Tough Love" Retaliation? On June 6, 2016 I wrote a blog called "Tough Love". You can read it here: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6177769 </link> <BR> <BR> At the time, I received nothing but positive feedback on this blog. This past weekend, enough people had clicked "I Liked This" to make this blog a featured blog. Once the blog became featured, I began to get a few comments where I was called "judgmental". One person even wrote their own blog berating my ... Fri, 22 Jul 2016 16:39:53 EST Photoshoot Recap I posted about this on AML the other day and totally forgot to share it here! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>-happened/ </link> Fri, 1 Jul 2016 15:14:22 EST Big News Guys? <BR> <BR> I'm freaking out a little. <BR> <BR> I posted on my status recently that something big was happening in my life. <BR> <BR> The big news is I've been selected to be in a magazine and tell my weight loss story! <BR> <BR> I'm not comfortable sharing which one or when yet, but I promise I'll let you know that when it comes out. But I got the call sheet for my photoshoot this morning (it's on Tuesday) and it feels really official so I figured I'd mentioned it here. <BR> <B... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 11:07:35 EST Oh Hai! I was super thrilled with all the positive responses from my last blog. It was a bit harsh, but I didn't receive ANY negative feedback, so I must not have offended anyone, yay! <BR> <BR> I'm just checking in here to say hello. I've been super busy, but things are slowing down a bit around here. This past weekend I visited Richmond for my grandma's 80th birthday party. (Her birthday was in May but this was the actual party.) We had a fabulous time! It's so wonderful to be so fully accepted a... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 11:09:57 EST