ADARKARA's SparkPeople Blog ADARKARA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Update: Emotion Edition So I finally decided that things weren't going to get better for me unless I went to counseling. A good friend of mine told me about and I found a Groupon that made it only $99 for 2 months of unlimited messaging counseling. Basically there is a messaging app on their site, you send a message, and your counselor responds to you in 24 hours. You can also schedule phone calls or live messaging sessions if you like. <BR> <BR> The first lady I had... well... let's just say I felt... Thu, 20 Apr 2017 16:03:11 EST How I'm Feeling The PMS is super bad this month. No tears today but I am SO DOWN. It lies to me and tells me I don't matter to anyone. My anxiety is ramped up too, and my chest feels like a big hole that can't be filled. I KNOW it's PMS. But it still sucks. The good news is my food was on point yesterday and so far today. Seems like last week was bad (Saturday being the worst) and I've made it over the hump. Let's hope so. For now I just want to not feel so sad. Mon, 10 Apr 2017 19:27:12 EST Week 3 Clean Eating Update This week was awful. I've been ridiculously emotional this week.Yesterday's eating was an absolute disaster. I'm PMSing something fierce and instead of crying it out yesterday I ate. Today I'm crying it out. My heart just hurts today. All the things that sit in the back of my mind haunting me are in full force today: my past, my present and my future. I read someone describe this feeling as feeling like an overripe tomato: if someone touches you, you bruise. I'm just very, very sensitive. <B... Sun, 9 Apr 2017 17:17:43 EST Clean Eating Update - Day 13 So I'm smack dab in the middle of the 4-week Mostly Clean Meal Plan, and I'm actually shocked how well it's been going. I started this challenge for myself on March 19th and I weighed 176.6 lbs. My original goal weight was 160 lbs, but I've been fluctuating between 165-175 for the last 2 years. This morning, on day 13, I weighed 169.0. What's extra surprising is I lost this week despite it being my ovulation time. My weight is usually UP surrounding my ovulation, which means it should continu... Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:34:38 EST 40 Things About Me Borrowed from MISSDORKNESS, ONEKIDSMOM, POLSKARENIA, et. al.: <BR> <BR> Learn 40 things about your friends and let them learn 40 things about you. <BR> <BR> 1. Do you like blue cheese? <BR> Only on buffalo wings. <BR> <BR> 2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? <BR> Yes, in college, always accompanying social drinking. <BR> <BR> 3. Do you own a gun? <BR> No. <BR> <BR> 4. What is your favorite sweet drink? <BR> Coke Zero <BR> <BR> 5. Do you hold any diploma(s), degree(s) or certific... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 07:12:23 EST Miscellany I'm still here. Life has been busy, in a good way. I wrapped up my bookkeeping business because both of my clients closed their businesses. No worries there. I started a NEW side job as a Younique makeup Presenter. I threw a party with my sponsor and it went really well, so I'm looking forward to throwing my own solo party! Honestly if you'd asked me 5 years ago if I'd be direct selling ANYTHING let alone makeup I'd have rolled my eyes at you. But it's fun! Makeup is fun for me and it helps m... Sat, 18 Mar 2017 18:39:12 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 4 & 5 Review I missed reviewing the challenge last week, and without going into detail, I've been depressed. I've been trying very hard to stay upbeat, but there is so much going on in my mind and heart right now that it's been a struggle. <BR> <BR> This very short summary: My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8. I used to think that "growing apart" was just a thing people said when they didn't want to talk about something worse but that really feels like what this is. I'm a vas... Sat, 25 Feb 2017 13:16:21 EST If You're Stuggling Here, Read This The root of every "evil" is looking to time and space for meaning, solutions, or identity; for friends, love, and laughter; for wealth, health, and harmony. <BR> <BR> The source of all material things is spirit, which is molded by your thoughts and then, without judgment, impressed upon matter before your very eyes. Trying to get what you want by looking to time and space is like trying to change your reflection in the mirror without changing yourself. <BR> <BR> Instead, look within. Crea... Thu, 23 Feb 2017 11:29:35 EST Better Booty? <img src=""> <BR> I caught a glimpse in the mirror and thought maybe all those squats are paying off. Wed, 22 Feb 2017 21:36:24 EST Loneliness and How You Sparkers Helped Me I wrote on my big blog about how you guys helped me the other day when I felt lonely. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>nt-alone-even-when-youre-lonely/ </link> <BR> <BR> <em>304</em> Sat, 18 Feb 2017 15:51:19 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 3 Review This week was decidedly better than the week before, food wide. I DID go over on Thursday. (Thursday seems to be my day?) But a loss happened, so I'm pleased. In fact, I got 2nd place in weight loss! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Here are my numbers: <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 7 Feb 2017 12:26:52 EST LIES: The Currency of Infomercials It's 6:40 and the only thing on is infomercials. UGH. <BR> <BR> NutriBullet Lean to be specific. <BR> <BR> All I'm hearing from the presenter is LIES LIES LIES in the guise of buzzwords. <BR> <BR> "Unlock the weight loss code." WHAT?! <BR> <BR> "Nutrients ready to be absorbed." THAT'S WHAT YOUR STOMACH DOES. <BR> <BR> "The food you eat does the work for you." Takes the responsibility away from you. <BR> <BR> "17.4 lbs in only 10 weeks." Okay, this is a very reasonable weight loss.... Mon, 30 Jan 2017 06:48:18 EST Winter 5% Challenge - Week 2 Review This week was... hard. <BR> <BR> I allowed myself to succumb to the negativity exchanged ON BOTH SIDES of the aisle in regards to American politics. Thursday was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I spent most of it trying not to break down into sobs at work. I got into an argument with a friend. For the first time in my 35 years on his planet, I FEEL like I, as a woman, am lesser. Marginalized. IT SUCKS. And I let it get to me. <BR> <BR> This past week was also when I am due to... Sun, 29 Jan 2017 08:36:09 EST Winter 5% Challenge - First Week Review Today is the very first weigh in day of the Winter 5% challenge, and, not surprisingly, the scale is up. <BR> <BR> Confession: I AM A DAILY WEIGHER. <BR> <BR> Why? Because I loooooove data. I'm a numbers girl, and I'm very observant of patterns. So no, I'm not surprised that the scale was up this week, because last week was TOM. My weight is generally the lowest of the month right before TOM, then slowly climbs until ovulation, then drops again before the next TOM. This is my pattern. <B... Sat, 21 Jan 2017 06:17:07 EST I Want Your Opinions, please Okay so I'm doing this with hesitation because the last time I posted something involving something similar I was accused by a stranger of wanting attention. <BR> <BR> I ordered 3 bikinis. I'm keeping them all. But I'm not feeling confident about them. I'm not asking for you to lie to me to make me feel better, but I'd like your opinions, please, because all I can see is how much work I need to do before Memorial Day weekend. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 17 Jan 2017 21:33:51 EST Snow Day <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Came home early from work today because of snow. <BR> <BR> I was supposed to go to a surprise party for tonight but it was canceled so I'm staying home. <BR> <BR> Since I got home, I have already put my clean clothes away, emptied the dishwasher, cleared the dining room table, mopped the floor in the kitchen, and now I'm cuddled up on the couch with the dog watching The Man in the High C... Sat, 7 Jan 2017 14:58:57 EST A Theory For most of December my weight hovered around 172 with my lowest weight at 169.4. My original goal weight was 160, but I've put on muscle and lost inches despite those 12 lbs. Still, I'd like to get a bit farther away from 175 so I have a bigger cushion. I've joined the 5% Winter Challenge, and while I think 5% of my body weight might not happen (I'm currently at 170 so 8.5 lbs is quite a bit to lose in 8 weeks for someone so close to goal already) I'm hoping it will get me back to 165. <BR>... Tue, 3 Jan 2017 08:13:56 EST My Christmas (LONG!!!!!!) I had a very nice Christmas! The Hubs, Bingley and I drove to Richmond, Va, to spend Christmas with my maternal birth family. I love this part of my family: it's where I get my sarcasm, sticktuitiveness, warmth and sense of humor. I fit right in. I had decided before we left that I'd get a pass to a gym near my mom's house instead of bringing workout equipment. This worked out brilliantly! There was a Gold's Gym less than 5 miles from her house, and they opened at 5 am. I could get up at my n... Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:47:04 EST My Day Off Yesterday was the only day of 12 that I had off from work. I decided I wasn't going to do anything remotely productive and I was just going to have a day of pampering myself. I 'slept in' to 7:30, had a short workout and took a nice long shower. I put on a mineral mask and sat around in my robe and gave myself a manicure. I walked Bingley, had a nice lunch of leftover turkey, butternut squash, craisin and wild rice casserole, then got dressed and hit the road. <BR> <BR> I live about 15 minu... Fri, 9 Dec 2016 11:06:51 EST My Crazy December I'm just going to list all the fun things I'm doing in December that will make my life crazy, along with my work schedule, haha. <BR> <BR> 1 - Work <BR> 2 - Work & Candlelight Shopping with Walking Group <BR> 3 - Work <BR> 4 - Grocery Shopping then 1/2 shift Work <BR> 5 - Haircut, 1/2 shift Work, trip to Peddler's Village to see Gingerbread Contest Display <BR> 6 - Work & Roadrunner Sports Christmas Party <BR> 7 - Work <BR> 8 - OFF but going into Philly to Christmas Market and to Amada to e... Sat, 3 Dec 2016 07:03:47 EST Post-Thanksgiving Update and Stress Eating My dietary changes have gone really, really well. Until yesterday. <BR> <BR> On Thanksgiving morning I ran my very first officially timed 5k, a Turkey Trot! I was nervous that I wasn't going to do well, but I'd told myself if I made a sub 40-minute time I'd be happy. I surprised myself and ran the whole way and finished in 32:29.3! I was so proud of myself! That was almost 10 minutes behind the winner but I wasn't worried about competing with more seasoned runners, just with myself, so I wa... Sun, 27 Nov 2016 08:23:00 EST A Wild Plan - Update I'm now a week into this plan and I have to say it's going really well. I tracked EVERYTHING I ate, used my heart rate monitor for all my workouts, and last week I had a calorie deficit of 2629. I'm very happy with that, considering one night I went a little overboard and had a few extra snacks. I did 6 workouts over 5 days. The best part? Re-incorporating peanut butter into an almost daily part of my diet has eliminated the desire to binge on it. Last Sunday I bought two jars of Crazy Richar... Sun, 20 Nov 2016 18:50:13 EST A Wild Plan Appears! I'm really toeing the line of being under 100 lbs lost. At my lowest weight I was 160, and this morning I'm 173. This is unacceptable, especially going into the holiday season. I've been stressed, and this has lead to emotional eating, especially at night right before bed, when I'm tired and my resolve is low. So I've come up with a new eating plan that hopefully will help me not eat 500 calories of peanut butter right before bed. I thought back to how I ate when I hit goal, and I realized th... Mon, 14 Nov 2016 09:10:43 EST Kettlebell Snatch Practice Plus Some Outfits I'm practicing 20 lb kettlebell snatches. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> I got this at Kohl's for $6.80! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The outfit I work to the Girl's Night Out at Roadrunner Sports! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.... Thu, 27 Oct 2016 16:37:10 EST Update First of all, I want to thank each and everyone one of you for commenting on my blog yesterday. I intend to personally respond to you all as I can. <BR> <BR> I think writing it out helped some. It felt like I was confessing a great secret: I am not perfect, and maintenance is not sunshine and rainbows all the time (or most of the time). It's work. <BR> <BR> After I wrote that blog I went to an Out of the Darkness walk with my walking group. For those of you that don't know, it's a charity... Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:24:31 EST Seriously Struggling I'm overwhelmed right now. My boss caused both showroom employees to quit last week, and we've been scrambling to find new people for the holiday season. I had a really long talk with him about self-sabotage, and how it's hard to watch, and I realized I've been doing the same thing with food lately. <BR> <BR> I'm a stress eater. My life is not bad right now. Far from it. But it needs work. (Doesn't it always?) I'm dealing with a husband with self-esteem so low that when I provide constructi... Sun, 16 Oct 2016 08:50:57 EST Why I Will Never Do Whole30 I love beans and peanuts. Beans and peanuts (all legumes, actually) are nutritious. Many beans are an excellent source of vegan protein. <BR> <BR> The Whole30 plan states that: <BR> <BR> "Legumes are often recommended as a healthy dietary choice, based on their fiber, vitamins and minerals, and “high” protein content. But legumes aren’t really a dense protein source (most contain two to three times as much carbohydrate as protein), and they’re nowhere near as dense (or complete) as the pr... Sat, 8 Oct 2016 10:47:57 EST Dr. Oz The Good Life Magazine Article About ME! Remember when I shared some big news about a magazine article a while back? If not you can read it here: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6188782 </link> <BR> <BR> Well the October Issue of Dr. Oz The Good Life is out on newsstands and you might see a familiar face on page 37! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> PS - As a precaution I'm going to say this: if ... Fri, 2 Sep 2016 19:47:26 EST Questioning My Success (2 Year "Maintenance" Anniversary) Maintenance is so much more frustrating than losing weight. <BR> <BR> Science says that the longer you keep off weight loss, the more likely you are to keep it off in the future. In the two years since I hit my goal weight, I *have* managed to keep off 100 of the 115 lbs I've lost. This is what I wrote about maintenance last year on my 1-year anniversary: <BR> <BR> "Adding weight training makes you gain weight. In the past year I have fluctuated between 167 and 174 lbs, which, you will not... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 08:42:47 EST Miscellany! I've been sort of in introvert mode lately, so I wanted to drop in and say hi and catch you all up on what I've been up to. <BR> <BR> Reading: I've been voraciously consuming as much Hugh Howey as I can. If you like dystopian future stories he's your man. Character driven drama with a big fat dose of hope. <em>250</em> <BR> Working Out: (Duh.) I had the Adventure Run last week and a crabby lady nearly ruined it for me as she shot me dirty looks the whole night BUT I did this fun obstacl... Tue, 16 Aug 2016 11:15:54 EST Relaxation is Sometimes Necessary! In which I recommend occasional relaxation for mental and physical health! Mon, 8 Aug 2016 18:30:55 EST "Tough Love" Retaliation? On June 6, 2016 I wrote a blog called "Tough Love". You can read it here: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6177769 </link> <BR> <BR> At the time, I received nothing but positive feedback on this blog. This past weekend, enough people had clicked "I Liked This" to make this blog a featured blog. Once the blog became featured, I began to get a few comments where I was called "judgmental". One person even wrote their own blog berating my ... Fri, 22 Jul 2016 16:39:53 EST Photoshoot Recap I posted about this on AML the other day and totally forgot to share it here! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>-happened/ </link> Fri, 1 Jul 2016 15:14:22 EST Big News Guys? <BR> <BR> I'm freaking out a little. <BR> <BR> I posted on my status recently that something big was happening in my life. <BR> <BR> The big news is I've been selected to be in a magazine and tell my weight loss story! <BR> <BR> I'm not comfortable sharing which one or when yet, but I promise I'll let you know that when it comes out. But I got the call sheet for my photoshoot this morning (it's on Tuesday) and it feels really official so I figured I'd mentioned it here. <BR> <B... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 11:07:35 EST Oh Hai! I was super thrilled with all the positive responses from my last blog. It was a bit harsh, but I didn't receive ANY negative feedback, so I must not have offended anyone, yay! <BR> <BR> I'm just checking in here to say hello. I've been super busy, but things are slowing down a bit around here. This past weekend I visited Richmond for my grandma's 80th birthday party. (Her birthday was in May but this was the actual party.) We had a fabulous time! It's so wonderful to be so fully accepted a... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 11:09:57 EST Tough Love I haven't been terribly active on here but I do read all your blogs. Being an outsider in all of your weight loss journeys, I see the patterns. I generally try to be supportive and keep my mouth shut when I don't have anything supportive to say. But I'm getting a bit fed up here. I have a LOT of SparkFriends. I read ALL of your blogs, even if I don't comment. I try to like all of your statuses (unless they're bad news). And I've noticed some stuff. Here's some tough love for you: <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 6 Jun 2016 17:21:00 EST Hectic but Good It's been a few weeks since I've blogged. Things have been hectic and crazy! Work still continues to exhaust me. On top of hiring and training new people, my boss's 22-year-old-son cried out for help and attempted suicide. My boss spent more than a week driving the 3-4 hours up to NYC to see him. He'll be okay, he's going to be attending a day camp psychiatric program and has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and will be under psychiatric care from now on. But it's made my j... Thu, 26 May 2016 06:21:06 EST Kettlebell Full Swings/American Swings This may be sideways because SparkPeople is stupid about videos but it's short. <BR> <BR> This is a full kettlebell swing, also known as an American Swing. Don't try this until you've mastered the Russian Swing first, as this is a more complicated exercise. I'm doing this with 40 lbs, and I could use heavier, but I don't own heavier. <BR> <BR> Just for fun! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 9 May 2016 11:17:30 EST Why Motivation Isn't Important Plus Kettlebell Vid <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Source: <link>https://adventurefoxblog.wordpress.c<BR>om/2015/02/04/motivation-is-an-obstacl<BR>e-not-an-advantage/ </link> <BR> <BR> The video is part of my kettlebell routines on Mondays and Fridays. It's called a kettlebell pullover. I'm doing it here with 30 lbs. Give it a shot! <BR> <BR> Not much to say here. I think I've made it over the "hungry week" hump, because today I'm not... Fri, 6 May 2016 14:55:12 EST My Weekend My weekend, for those who don't know, is Sunday and Monday. So I NEVER say TGIF because I always work Saturdays. And I don't hate Mondays either. <BR> <BR> Sunday morning I weighed in EXACTLY AT 165.0! Yay! Here's how I track and see my patterns, btw. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Next I went to the March of Dimes walk with walking group. It was POURING but we went anyway. Bingley knew I was going somewher... Tue, 3 May 2016 07:45:57 EST Happy Monday! The one where I describe my weekend. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 25 Apr 2016 17:39:34 EST I Have Too Much Self Respect to Put Up With Your Bullsh*t I'm a very open, friendly person. I have no problems chatting with someone online if we have things in common. I don't hide who I am. I am who I represent myself to be. <BR> <BR> I started talking to someone I met in a Facebook group through Facebook messenger. We had casual conversation almost every day for 3 weeks. Last night, this person initiated conversation with me, talked for a few minutes, then completely disappeared. For hours. Without saying a word. This, of course, irritated me. ... Fri, 22 Apr 2016 16:25:05 EST Updating My Weight & Other Things When I first started here on SparkPeople my goal weight was 160 lbs. Once I got there, I added in strength training and exercise. I added muscle (and pounds) and lost inches. It took me a few months to figure out how to maintain, and my weight fluctuated a bit. I was never able to get back to my goal weight of 160 lbs. I've been hovering between 164 and 170 ever since. It's been 20 months since I hit goal. 20 months since I haven't gotten back to goal. 20 months of maintaining a 105 lb weight... Tue, 19 Apr 2016 07:07:29 EST Strength <img src=""> <BR> <BR> How happy we are in life is often a matter of perspective. To say our pasts define us isn't exactly true: it's how we have dealt with events in our past that defines us. How has your past molded you into who you are today? <BR> <BR> If I look into my past I see spikes of painful moments. Heck, if I look into my very recent past there's a cluster of spikes: 2015 was a difficult year. But whi... Fri, 15 Apr 2016 07:13:26 EST I Was Meant to be Sideways I've tried 4 different ways to rotate this video. It isn't happening. I'm just posting it because I'm about to throw sh*t. <BR> <BR> (It's been 4 hours since I recorded this and my mood has TANKED, mostly due to this video not behaving itself, the fact that it's raining, and PMS.) Tue, 12 Apr 2016 13:26:49 EST Be Proud of Yourself Yeah, yeah, it's been a week since I've updated. It's not you, it's me. I'm still feeling overwhelmed with what I have on my plate. Today I have a kettlebell workout, a haircut and counseling, and somehow in between those I need to cram in some creative stuff I've wanted to do but haven't had time. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I went to walking group and went grocery shopping. By the time that was done it was 2:30 and I felt like I'd done NOTHING. (Because 12k steps and 4 stores is nothing.) I prepp... Mon, 4 Apr 2016 08:14:02 EST I'm a STRESS eater not an EMOTIONAL eater (and yes, they're different) Last week I was super stressed, what with work, marriage counseling, off-Spark blogging, walking group, planning a cooking class to teach, etc. I was mentally drained. I'll own up to it: Friday night I had to stop at the grocery store to get my free Easter turkey. While there, I decided I didn't have it in me to cook my planned pork chops. I'd worked in the showroom for the second day that week with hardly any help because we were short staffed, and I hadn't slept well the night before. I wou... Mon, 28 Mar 2016 21:40:50 EST Quick Video Hello Just saying hi! Fri, 25 Mar 2016 12:27:57 EST So Tired I've been awake since 4:30 am. I never sleep well during TOM, and I was extra crampy last night. Add to that the time change and I'm wiped out. There's nothing good on tv at 4:30 am, either. <BR> <BR> So here's an update: <BR> <BR> My workouts have been consistent for months. Six days a week. <BR> <BR> My eating hasn't been. <BR> <BR> My weight is up every month since December. The more I think it over, the more I think it's due to stress. Work has been more work than it used to be. I ... Sat, 19 Mar 2016 07:05:58 EST Taking a Socializing Time Out Wow. <BR> <BR> So I got back from my trip to my mom's yesterday afternoon. It was a nice weekend but I got ZERO alone time and my normal regimented schedule got thrown for a loop. It made me crabby. I like my schedule, I NEED my alone time, and i realized I haven't had enough lately. Training chatty women at work takes a lot out of me, even if I enjoy it most of the time. But this month alone I already have 3 social outings not including my regular Sunday walks and Wednesday night workouts ... Tue, 8 Mar 2016 16:42:57 EST