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just another brick

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

so life is like a brick my mind it is... One brick at a time...either I am putting one up or I am taking one down... seems hard to understand at times...yet so simple on some days... I put up this wall for many different reasons and today I am sure it is to keep myself from getting hurt or disappointed... Truth be told putting up these bricks one at a time is wearing me out...I am tired... Tired mentally thus, exhausting me physically. I use things as excuses to stay stuck... I think hard work scares the hell out of me...either that or I have been experiencing a lot of cramping and pain in my left side of my lower stomach... usually around my menstrual cycle and also afterwards....not sure what that is all about...but when you read up on certain possible explanations it always gives you the worst case scenario Ovarian cancer being one of them. we all know that is no laughing matter... so I have a doctors appointment on feb 21st...I explained my concerns when I made the appointment yet, I still have to wait to see a doctor till then... shortage of doctors affect our Northern town big time.... The brick of fear goes up, like a little red flag in my mind I am deep in thought of what my body is telling me... I pray it is a warning sign and I can still correct what ever the problem is...I have worked so hard to take down some bricks this past year... I still am working at it...physically right now I just feel so run down... I need to conquer my fears and keep breaking down my wall...

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