I did not fall into the ocean, or get swept away by the rain....only dangled over the edge...spent a few days on an eating binge. Felt like cr--, and today, started over with a green smoothie, and stayed within my range. Walked two miles.

Something about the heart. My dear heart cried out to me....remiinded me that it needs my attention, and doesn't want high fat, high calorie meals. GIVE ME LIVING FOOD! So I listened. No pain, no problems, just an internal awareness, that life is short, and I really cannot keep testing, pushing myself to the edge...

I am determined to do this. I think about food all the time. I think about it when I am over eating. I think about it when I am tracking and staying focused. I think about it when I eat mindfully and I think about it when I "wake up" after eating unconsciously...I think about it when I see someone thin, or when I see someone obese. I think about it when I see it, when I smell it, or when I hear someone mention it. I told my husband, it is worse than drugs...and I know it is a battle I will have to fight til I die...and I would rather die later than sooner....

Oh, I wish I was "normal". Or is what I DO normal? Of course, I remember what my mom used to say...If wishes were horses, then beggars could ride...(but I think she really used to say, If wishes were kisses....)