Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


Is Your Man Potty-Trained?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Knowing the importance of drinking lots of water, I’d planned in advance for the day. Upon waking, I’d started chugging down my water, so that hopefully by the time we boarded the plane, I’d have had ample time to let the water “run its course,” before we embarked on the two-hour flight. (Using airplane toilets is worse than creating idle chatter with the passenger next to you!) I was in the middle of second-guessing my bladder capacity, when I locked eyes with a guy walking down the aisle. Rats! He put his carry-on bag in the bin over our head and sat down in the seat next to me.

After buckling himself in, he looked our direction and introduced himself as, Rich. James, in the window seat, looked up from his magazine long enough to feign an interested, “Hello.” Drat! There was an exchange of words! Protocol now dictated that we had to chat at least a little bit during the flight—it was the holidays and the season to be cheery! I resolved to follow through with my duty, then would casually nod off and take a nap until we landed.

Rich questioned our flight—were we returning from Christmas travels? As I explained our yearly trip to Ohio for ringing in the New Year, he nodded enthusiastically. Turns out that he, too, was making the trip to hook up with some friends and family for the same occasion. He’d come from Boston, which explained his curious way of talking and the enunciation (or was it lack of?) of his words. I had to listen intently, to be able to understand his dialog and/or dialect. Unfortunately, Rich took my actions to mean that I was interested in further conversation. I continued to “hang” on his every word and mentally translated the words in my head…”Ca=Car, Ba=Bar, Do=Door…”

The plane took off, James dozed off, and I grew ticked off…How could my husband sleep, while this stranger next to me insisted upon talking?!! I silently called dibs on the window seat for the trip home!! Within that first hour of the trip, Rich and I spilled our life stories to each other, talking of family, friends and foes. I was actually a little amazed at the comfort level we seemed to share with each other. I glanced at my watch, forecasting that we’d be reaching our destination in about 30 minutes. It was then that I felt that all-too-familiar “pang” deep within the bladder region. “Oh no! Please, no! You can hold it until we land,” I silently consoled myself, while subtly squeezing my legs together.

It was then, that Rich uttered the most curious fact I’d ever heard…”I haven’t pottied since last Friday.” Oh My! We had shared a lot in the last hour or so, but why did he feel the reason to divulge this?? And what a way to state such! Only a toddler would say, “potty.” Had he noticed me squirming, and felt compelled to reveal such, to put me at ease? Was he bragging?? I tried to look impressed (actually, I was!) by raising my eyebrows and saying, “Oh really?! I don’t know many guys who can go that long!”

“Yeah, well, I don’t potty too much,” he returned. “How about you?” he quizzed quite seriously. “Do you potty very often?” It was all I could do to refrain from jabbing James out of his nap, as I nervously looked around to see if anyone had overheard the previous passage of words. Everything appeared to be normal, aside from the absurdity of the direction our conversation had taken. “Ah, well, I guess so,” I uncomfortably returned. “I really don’t think I do much more than the average person.”

I prayed that Rich would halt the discussion. I tried vainly to think of a new subject to deter anything more coming out of his mouth. But, to no avail, he continued. “I get hyper when I potty. I just can’t sit still!” “Oh, really?” I asked, trying hard to continue, yet seeing no way out. Another glance at the watch…Rich brought me back to Earth, informing me, “I can never potty sitting down. I always have to stand up and sort of sway.” He intently gazed into my befuddled baby blues, wondering what I’d say next. I was completely baffled by this time. I had thought that most guys did use the toilet standing up. But did they sway? Was there a different “style” in Boston? “I guess I don’t have much of a choice,” I returned. Seeing a perplexed expression on his face, I further clarified myself, “I always sit down.”

Looking more interested than ever, Rich asked, “What do you usually drink when you potty?” Did he mean DURING??? Was this guy daft?! “Uh, well, I don’t know. I guess it depends upon the situation and if I’m extremely thirsty.” By this time, my brows are knitted into what I swear will be a permanent expression of disbelief and wonder. “Are you gonna potty with your friends tonight, or wait until New Year’s Eve?” he inquired next…And it was then, that a sudden wave of embarrassment hit me! Potty=Party!! “Yes,” I replied in a barely audible mumble. “I think I will be ready for a cold beer when I get off this plane!”

How ironic that he should then seek pardon to leave our conversation: “You’ll have to excuse me for a moment, Debbie. I’m going to use the bathroom before we have to get ready to land."

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JANNIEWANNIE 1/2/2012 11:31AM

    You have sure a way with words. Hugs from J

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 4/18/2008 3:11AM

    OMG Deb you are so funny. Just came home after a harrowing day and this just really had me in stitches. Hope I lost a few grams. Keep up this writing it is wonderful and lifts one's spirits

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELEST 3/29/2008 5:35PM

    Hysterical. I've always wondered how people end up spilling their "guts" to near, or total strangers. My moms a lot like that. She'll meet someone for the first time and before you know it, there goes the family dirt......blah blah blah. Me, I want to run a mile. I need a whole lotta time to know anyone before I disclose personal things, and at no given time do I discuss body functions. ha ha poor you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOODLANDMYST 2/15/2008 10:51AM

    Too funny! Reminds me of visiting an aunt in Oklahoma when we were kids. She asked if anyone would like to go to the potty - and being from the Boston area - we were all disappointed that there was in fact no ice cream and cake!

Report Inappropriate Comment
~LASYL~ 1/30/2008 10:19PM

    Laugh out loud, tears rolling down , stomach hurting FUNNY!!!! I think I love you!!(and we just met)!! Thanks, I so needed that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAN71486 1/27/2008 9:40PM

    LOL! Debbie! That was just too funny! You can turn anything into a very entertaining story. You said to read the other blog, and now I'm still reading! LOL Be good!


Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHIN_MN 1/25/2008 10:52AM

    Too funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLISCIOUS 1/24/2008 9:16PM

    Amazing story!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JETTANALA 1/21/2008 12:01PM

    I read through your blogs the other day and now today someone directed me back to read you again! You have quite the fan base and your humor is like a friendly whack on the back!! You are doing something right!! Have a wonderful week!! ~ Kathy

Report Inappropriate Comment
-STEPHANIE- 1/21/2008 9:40AM

    Thanks for the giggles! Isn't it funny how other people have accents but we never think WE do?

Report Inappropriate Comment
MELLY423 1/20/2008 12:03PM

    rofl...did you get the window seat on the way home or is there another story from the return? ;)

Report Inappropriate Comment

    OMG! Too funny!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGICLANTERN 1/19/2008 8:39PM

    LOL !!! I should have taken the 'hint' you so obviously pointed out. LOL ! Thanks for the laughs ---you really do need to write a book of your adventures :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDY4FITNESS 1/19/2008 7:06PM

    This caused me a hugh belly-laugh! (burned a few calories on this --I think) Thank you for making my day!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLUFF-N-STUFF 1/19/2008 4:16PM

    You are so great to read. Thank You!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CYNTHIAS50 1/19/2008 9:22AM

    Only you Debbie, only you! This is too funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARTSPARKING 1/19/2008 7:06AM

    Oh, my goodness! You got my eyes bulging out and shaking my head until the very end! Oh, the story Rich will tell his grandchildren one day about his flight with the knitted eyebrow lady back in 2007...

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAAB_GIRL 1/19/2008 3:08AM

    Gracious you got me going but good! Sheri

Report Inappropriate Comment
PURPLE01 1/18/2008 10:08PM

    Thanks for the good laugh!!!!! I am originally from upstate N.Y. and even I have trouble understanding a native of Boston!

Report Inappropriate Comment
QUILTEDCAT52 1/18/2008 5:04PM

    Too Funny!!! Thanks for the great laugh today! I can't believe your husband slept though that! Doesn't he know better than to leave you alone like that? You'd think by now he'd know that there was another story waiting to happen!
Can't wait to read the next one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
~*LINDA*~ 1/18/2008 1:21PM

    Just making me wonder what Rich is telling his friends about the woman on the flight with the knitted eyebrows!!! LOL,

Report Inappropriate Comment
WYLDHEARTED 1/18/2008 12:56PM

    LOLOL only you Deb, lord have mercy!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FINDINGMYINDIA 1/18/2008 12:46PM

  LOL, I especially liked that he sways when he potties!! Great story!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LVDLPHNS 1/18/2008 10:53AM

    That is a riot....thanks for sharing....
Sure he didnt say BAHTHROOM? sorry, coming from Maine, had to throw that one in there.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARPEOMNIA 1/18/2008 10:39AM

    God Deb...I'm sure glad you're back!! I missed your wacked out sense of humor....thank you for this little tale!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KYLIEMC8 1/18/2008 10:31AM

    All I can say is WONDERFUL..JUST WONDERFUL!! Thanks for sharing your 'potty' story..teehee

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERGIRL60 1/17/2008 3:49PM

    I love it - Can't wait until the next, CA has quite a few! My husband is the I've never meet a stranger I couldn't visit with person. I just get dragged in for the ride! "MEN" You seem to draw in the a little off people-myself included! So keep us up to date!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAREMEG 1/17/2008 1:11PM

    Did you get to Ohio and "potty" like it was 2008? Hah-Hah! My jaws hurt from laughing! Hey, I think I burned some calories just by reading your post! Think that counts as exercise? LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIZZYBETH2002 1/17/2008 12:20PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I cannot believe the situations you get yourself into!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBERROGUE 1/17/2008 11:54AM

    LMAO!!! *HUGS* Oh, that was great! I can imagine your embarrassment... All of my family members have a bit of hearing problems, each to different degrees, and though the accents aren't different, we get into conversations like this all the time! LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAZYOLDLADY43 1/17/2008 10:09AM

    Girl you are to funny, I think you draw them to you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLONDEGIRL10 1/17/2008 9:40AM

!!! YOU are Too Funny Deb!!! You gotta publish your stories, YOU are a fantastic writer! Now, if you'll exuse me I have to go to the party because I almost peed myself from laughing so hard from your story!!! Love it! -Gabrielle

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEATHHILL 1/17/2008 9:38AM

    That was HYSTERICAL!!! Thanks so much for the much needed laugh!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAINLADY 1/17/2008 9:15AM

    OMG, crack me up. This story is just too funny. Since I'm originally from Maine I can relate to the dialect that Bostonians have...ayah! Keep those stories coming. They are a day-maker for sure.


Report Inappropriate Comment
UP4MORE 1/17/2008 9:07AM

    Loved this!! How cute and so true they do talk like that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRIDGEMIK 1/17/2008 8:55AM

    Too funny! I really needed a laugh this morning. Thanks so much!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIXIEMISS00 1/17/2008 7:46AM

    Omg Debbie, that is just to funny. Boston does have their own dialect. I am from Maine and sometimes I can't even understand them. I hope with all your traveling you will continue to take care of yourself. Be safe and have fun thats what life is all about.

Give hubby the elbow for falling asleep and leaving you holding the politeness on the trip.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALKMAMA 1/17/2008 5:21AM

    Hilarious! Thanks for sharing this to give us all a great laugh.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JMARIES51 1/17/2008 2:03AM

    You crack me up so much. I had to go potty after this post. :) Joann

Report Inappropriate Comment
NUTMEG25 1/17/2008 12:56AM

    Very funny! Still chuckling ....Hope you have a safe trip out west.
FYI....since Dec. 31 I have lost 21 lbs and haven't starved. I am very excited about this since I usually loose very slowly.~~~~~~~~~~~Hugs, Meg

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSLANA 1/17/2008 12:49AM

    This is the funniest story I've heard since the mouse was in your trailer! I mean it, this is GREAT! You do have a knack for telling a story, and sister, this is hilarious! Only you could have this experience. I am still laughing out loud!!! Thanks for sharing this one. I needed the laugh!

Report Inappropriate Comment
-ANGIE- 1/17/2008 12:37AM

    You crack me up! You are a magnet for these kind of people- I can tell! Thanks for a good laugh! All this potty talk...well..I gotta go!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHATS201 1/17/2008 12:01AM

  funny as heck...thanks for shairng....I will be laughing at this one for awhille...

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYSTICRAINS 1/16/2008 11:54PM

    Wow...That certainly interesting encounter *lol* Well at least you had an interesting story to tell your husband when he woke

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.