Thursday, January 10, 2008
I know I should be joyful for the little life growing inside me. I know I should be thankful to God for my changing body... but I'm really struggling with negative thoughts about how I look and feel.
I look at pictures of the pregnant belly and the women couldn't be more beautiful and radiant... why don't I look or feel that way? I feel fat, ugly, and like all my hard work is going down the drain.
It seems like my whole body is changing. The muscle I once had it turning to fat and cellulite and everything is expanding. I am barely squeezing into my biggest pair of size 6 pants, and I'm miserable! My friends told me to just wait until the 2nd trimester... you'll feel better they said, you'll feel beautiful. Maybe it's too soon, but there has been no change and my weight seems to go up every day as I continue to look like a fat HOG! It seems so selfish for me to be worrying about how I look when I'm carrying my own child, but I can't seem to wipe the feelings away.
I'm hoping to find some maternity clothes this weekend so maybe wearing clothes that fit my changing body will help me... I can only try.