To Old, To late, To Long and To Tired?

Saturday, January 05, 2008

I decided to stop... Stop SP, stop meal planning, stop exercising, stop trying to get my physical shape and mind in order. So, I did. Of course, I had a little help. It was easier to stop when I had to care for my Dad during his illness and subsequent death. That was my start to my stopping. Then a few weeks after his death. I stepped on the scale. Those little digits showed that I increased higher than when I weighed in the first time with SP in April 2007. I gave a ho-hum, that is just the way it is. I will never be at "goal", why fret about it any longer.

After all I had lost from 301 pounds plus...I say plus as the scale didn't reach higher than that. the needle was straining and almost popping off the highest weight on it. It had taken me 6 years to get down to the slendering 219 pounds that I weighed in that first day on Spark. I was tired of it all. Why did it seem that others, even those of my age reached their goal within two years, but why did others seem to be like me in a constant struggle. Frankly, I didn't care about the others and I sure didn't care about me.

So, I stopped, I took weeks to evaluate what I had done in the past. Oh, I was feeling good about the lost poundage..but, why had not I lost and become as fit as I wanted within 2-3 years instead of continuing to struggle these past 6 years. I began to feel as if I was to old, to late to start to do things better, that it would take to long, and I was just plain to tired of the mind set that I needed. Then I discovered what the "successful" people have known all along.

It is a battle and, only, can be won through perserverance and diligence. I didn't pop right back into the exercise, meal planning stage. I came into Spark and began to erase mypage, but couldn't bring myself to completey delete it. I began to voice my troubles. I didn't expect to find anyone that could relate or even recognize that I was still with a team. Through all my fat/obese years..the bigger I got the more I became invisible. Yet,
the teams I belonged to supported me. They did not pity me, but encouraged and stood by me. Seeming to support me in whatever decision I would make. No judgements, just pure support.

I stayed this by day my mind knew what I needed to do. During December last year, I began to, sporadically, meal plan, exercise and doing all the things I knew would be good for me. Still, I knew something else had to change. That one solitary thing to change was, my mind. I finally realized it was no one else that had made me eat, or not exercise or feel good about myself at any weight. It was mine and mine alone. The responsibility lay on my shoulders.

I also found the reason the prior weight loss was slow. Why? Because I never for one day in 6 years stayed within my meal plan and though I began to workout fairly consistently, all it took was a rainy, cold day or a day that it was hot and I had an excuse not to go. Of course in that period I took care of a husband who was ill and then subsequently died. Was this an excuse? I think not.

Grief has many forms, it was awhile but, eventually my heart was soothed and I got one foot on the wagon. of weight loss....trying to climb up but fearful of falling down. The end result, I didn't put any more effort into my quest than I had prior to his illness or my dad's.

Now, one might expect since I had figured out these things, I would change and do it "right now." That I would plan my meals and exercise, that the self improvement I needed to take would turn around quickly. It didn't. The knowledge I had acquired was simply things I had known all along just did not admit to. I also knew I needed to have a different mind set. Perhaps, I didn't know "everything there was to know about diet and exercise." I began to think ,perhaps, the "experts" in weight loss were right. Perhaps, I did need to know that I would not starve and that I would become more fit simply by following a plan, and motivation could be helped with visual aids of some type. So....

I began a climb to follow my planned meal and my exercise routine. I started tracking what I ate, I planned before my meals. I set a regular time for my workout. I began to take care of me as well as I had my loved ones. Would I do this every day. No, I didn't make it very well the first few weeks of December but along with support from the teams, my "confessions", putting up visual reminders, I began the slow road to consistency.

Now for the past two weeks I have been successful and the weight is coming off and I am now below what I was when I first joined. Will I succeed? Well, I have found that contrary to what I first thought in October of 2007, I am NOT to old, age gives me wisdom, I need to use it. To late,? never to late as long as I have a god given breath. nor will it take To Long, perserverance will provde the success. To Tired? Wisdom tells me to rest my body and my mind, so, I will. For me, I find the key is to just plain stick with it and my precious friends that have so much in common with me on SparkPeople. I thank you for sticking with me and giving me that support I needed.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Summer, I went to your SparkPage and after reading it, I though of how much we have in common. I'm not sure what part of OK you are from, but I lived in Tulsa until just a couple of years ago. I, too, lost a son, nursed my seriously ill husband while trying to work and subsequently lost him, and recently lost my Dad after caring for him for a couple of years. I've dieted on and off for years also. I think most of us have. I actually lost 100 lbs. before my youngest daughter was conceived, but that is more than 25 years ago now.

    After my father passed away, my mother moved to live with her sister in Arkansas, and I know have a lot less stress in my life. I guess that one day I just got to thinking about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I had seen some recent pictures from my Dad's memorial service and didn't like what I saw at all!! It just kinda dawned on me that nobody was going to do anything about my weight problems but me. Right after that I read a magazine article that said that keeping a log of everything you eat was the most successful weight loss tool out there. I thought, I can do that. And began looking on the internet for a way to track my food. I'm kinda a computer junkie, so if I can do it online, so much the better. That is how I found SP. Since then, I have set other goals, but none of them are big. I know I need to lose 100+ pounds, but I am going to just work on it in little bitty chunks.

    Thanks for all the encouraging words!
    3659 days ago
    Summer, Thanks for taking the time to write your blog regarding your ups and downs. What you struggled with is what many of us are struggling with, consistency, consistency, consistency....Also, planning before meals. My husband and I are both trying to get some pounds off. I have a thyroid problem which makes it even harder. I wanted to forget the exercise today, but I made myself get at least 20 minutes in and it made me feel so much better.

    Let's keep each other going!

    3661 days ago
  • JOEGIRL6113
    Summer, I am so glad you are back on track. I know you will do this for you! I too used my husband as an excuse many times and now I do not have any excuses, I just have to get on track and stick to it. It is never easy, but I'm sure we can do this. If you need to talk, just send me a SparkMail. I will be right beside you all the way. Rosy
    3663 days ago
    I know what you mean. I lost my husband almost 3 yrs this coming May and I lost weight about 20 pounds but gained part of it back. But now I'm on the right track and sticking to my food plan and execrising also. So this year is my year for loosing weight so I'll join you on your journey ok.
    3668 days ago
    Dear Summer,

    Thank you for your inspirational story. I have added you to my friends page and hope that we can communcate back and forth often.

    I know what it feel like to give up and have also tried that route. It didnt work - I just felt sorry for myself and sunk deeper into the pit.

    It all came crasking down on me on May 15/07. I ended up in the hospital and was told I had an anxiety/painic attack. What a terrible experience. Now I am on meds to keep me calm, therapy once a week. Since finding SP I am now feeling better.

    I am watching what I eat, exercising three times a week and look forward to a new day - I thank God for my daily strength.

    So, hang in there, please contact me when you feel down and need a pick-me-up.

    3669 days ago
    Summer, when I read the title of this blog, I thought "Summer is singing my song!" Once again, your writing has me right there seeing everything along with you!

    You are an inspiration! I love seeing you on the "I want to get fit. . ." team. You make me laugh and get me out of the Pity Party mode! We are NOT TO OLD! We are NOT TO LATE! We have NOT WAITED TO LONG! We ARE NOT TOO TIRED (most of the time!)

    Together we can do this! We Oldies still have a lot of good years and a lot of miles left in us.

    Thanks for sharing! Together we can do this! I did not believe when I joined SP that the posting on the boards, the blogging would help! It does - the laughter and stories you share with us helps keep us all on track!

    3670 days ago
    Summer, I wish I had the magical words to say this is easy,but it is not for any of us. We have all fallen off that dang old wagon, gained back, lost and done it more than once. The trick for ME is the not giving up knowing I am worth it. I truly feel so much better about myself, my body moves better,feels better and looks better. I am doing this for me. No one else and no one else can do it for me. The support from the 60+ team is mind blowing. They are a group of wonderful,loving, truly caring gals who are always listening, never judging and truly understand. I am so glad you are here. I am an email a way . Just call, vent , whatever. Hugs and much love. Pat
    3670 days ago
    Oh Summer! I'm honored to have you as a friend. You add so much to our team with your outrageous and hilarious sense of humor, and you give us things to think about as well. This was an inspiring account showing what it is to be human and of how each one of us reaches for our goals, slips and then gets back on track with the help of Spark People and the support of our friends here. We have the tools and we are on our way, GF!

    I have a really good feeling about 2008 and what it will bring for you and for me and the rest of the motivated people on our teams.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    3670 days ago
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