Thursday, December 06, 2007
OK, This is a warning.. Some may find this kind of mean... Don't hold it against me please but I need some objective help.
My mom called yesterday to pass on some news that my aunt wanted my sister and I to know. Our father has cancer and has been given about 6 months.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. I hardly know my father. I got an email from him back in Jan. (sheesh, I didn't realize it was that long ago) In the email he tells me he has health issues, that he will always love me, old news about my sister (another long story) and he wanted to know how his grand kids are. Not once did he ask how I was or what I was doing! The last time I had heard from him was shortly after Corey was born so it had been about 11 years since I heard from him before the email.
So, I started thinking about when I had heard from him in the past. I saw him when I was 6 and nothing until I was 24. That was a couple years after my 2nd baby was born. I remember my grandfather (his father), seeing my 1st baby but I honestly don't recall my father seeing him. Then when my first husband and I split up I saw him for about a week- I honestly got along better with my step-mother (who is younger then me) then I did with him. Then the following summer I stopped at his house in MO when I was driving from AZ to NY with the kids. That's the last time I saw him and I was 28 or 29 then. So I saw him at 6, 24, 28/29 and an occasional card, a phone call after Corey was born when I was 32 and the email in Jan of 07 when I was 43.
When I was a kid he was in the army and when he moved to another assignment he would take the child support paperwork out of his file so finance didn't know he had any and they didn't pay it . Then it would take a few months for my mom to track him down and get it started again. I don't recall ever getting Christmas or birthday gifts. Great father huh?
My step dad died of cancer years ago and I remember wishing it had been my father that had died and not my dad. My stepdad was the one I grew up with and who my kids called Papa. He was there when I broke my arm and taught me how to throw a football, not my father. So, now my father has cancer too and I don't know what to do. My DH has thought all along I should call him or at least email him back. I even wrote him a letter but never sent it.
I told him how his email didn't even ask how I was but wanted to know how MY kids were. That how could he claim to have grandkids when he didn't have anything to do with their mother. And that how he always seemed to contact me after I had a baby.
My DH told me to call him and take the opputurnity to tell him how I feel. But now I feel like I would be kicking him while he was down. I actually had been thinking about calling him but now I feel like it would be taken as a pity call or something...
I don't know what to do....