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Hard Day - Frustrated


Monday, July 30, 2007

Have joined a gym - yeah! So far, I love it. However, weighed in today and had gained. It seems so hard to get all the pistons firing - all at the same time.

Also, had a dr appt today. Seeing the dr's scale results was so hard that I was crying in the exam room before he even came in. I think I scared him! He didn't have great news for me either. Nothing tragic, just no help w/ some chronic pain except for the possibility of more surgery - which set me on the path to my weight gain to begin with.

So - I'm really frustrated and trying hard not to be depressed and hate myself. This battle in the mind is so much harder than doing physical exercise or turning down that peice of cake. I have been so tempted to eat out of spite for myself, but instead I carefully tracked every bite, and now I'm going to get the kids settled and head off to the gym.

I doubt anyone will read this, but it's cathartic to write it. Getting all the horrible thoughts swirling in my head out might help. Certainly couldn't make things any worse.

All in all, I have to remind myself how many victories I've had in my lifetime. How happy I am to have my children and husband alive and well. How none of this matters as much as I think it does. Hopefully, I will gain success in this area. If not, maybe I can learn to come to grips with it and not be hate who I am.
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OLDANGEL 7/30/2007 8:52PM

    I'm reading it and will be watching for your next post. I understand how difficult it is to work out with chronic pain. Pain leads to depression and no one who is depressed wants to exercise plus it hurts. Poor you. Poor me. Poor all those other folks who suffer as we do. BUT, in the end there is no other way up and out. The trick will be to begin very easy and build...maybe 10 minute walks a day and in a couple weeks either increase that to 14 minutes OR do two 8 minute walks at different times. Add to that stretching with wide rubber bands in bed when you first wake up and/or before going to bed...this will help a lot. The husband, house and kids won't matter a bit if you are not here to enjoy them. Put yourself first and start a slow and deliberate plan to exercise a bit every day in spite of the pain knowing all along that it will decrease as you gain strength and endurance. Keep in touch.

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