One of the things I have been working on has been the way that I view success. In the past, I approached success with very end goals: my jeans size, the number on the scale. Truly, it gave a very small margin for being able to obtain that success. It really was a point A to point B goal. I was very tunnel vision in the way that I sought out my goal.
I have really changed the way that I view success. To be honest, if I would have placed my sights on obtaining a certain number, I would have locked myself back into that same tunnel vision. Pursuing some obscure number on the scale or the size of my jeans. Don't get me wrong, I do still have some of those goals. Yes, I do have a goal weight but mostly my pursuits have become so much more...
It truly has become more of a FEELING instead of a mere concrete goal. Truthfully, it is a bit more ambiguous. Ambiguity can be tough. It is hard to measure and say "yep, I've reached that". But I can say "yep, I have reached that!" with terms with eating and exercise.
My friends, it feels awesome.
I am the happiest I have ever been with regards to eating and exercise. Ever.
I said above, if I was only using numbers to measure my success, I would be counting myself as a failure. I am anything but a failure.
I have improved my relationship with food.
I have improved my relationship with fitness.
I put myself on the to-do list and make self care a regular part of my day.
I acknowledge my gratitude on a daily basis.
I am happy.
I feel good.
No number goal would have ever given me that. I have been slow to make physical progress and that has been frustrating. Truthfully, it has been very frustrating. However, making that my ONLY goal I would have given up.
I do think, however, is remembering that success itself isn't linear. Like all things it can ebb and flow as well. Defining success differently on different days is just as important as seeking it out.
What I mean by that is each day brings it's own set of challenges. Some days I have a ton of energy and lots of ambition. I get in a nice workout, I had a good night sleep, I eat well balanced foods, I feel good! Then there are other days that I am just the opposite. I remember when my stress levels were at their highest, it was hard. There were quite a few days that it was pure hell. I had to adjust where I felt successful. On days like that the simple act of survival was a success.
Imagine if I would have kept the bar elevated at the level on the day that everything was chugging along just so. I would have had a feeling of extra pressure and failure when life was kicking me in the teeth.
It is all about allowing the ebb and flow. Expecting it. It is the hardest thing. It is awesome when things go good and would be nice in an ideal world to have all days like that. However, I know full well that isn't reality. It just isn't. But truth be told, adjusting for the less than ideal days and allowing the feelings of success even on those days, adjusting the bar higher for when the good days happen, lower for when the tough days are present. It takes work.
So no, if I would have set the bar for simply weight loss, I would have considered myself an utter failure. However, since I have set the bar for so much more, I am feeling successful. I am a work in progress and certainly have more room to work (don't we all!) and I accept that. I slowly up the bar where I can, adjust it when necessary and try not to allow life to get me down. I celebrate my NSV's hard core and on a daily basis.
One of the best and most defining images that I can seek out to define me:
I used to resent the scribble but now I have come to love it and enjoy it.