Those wedding cupcakes just keep showing up. I resisted them at the actual wedding reception. I didn't resist much else, I ate candy and fattening food, including wedding mints (my real nemesis). But the cupcakes weren't much of a temptation. Oh sure I would have enjoyed eating one, but not nearly as much as I enjoy wedding CAKE. Now wedding cake would have been a real temptation. But they had cupcakes, which was fine with me--not as tempting for me!
The day after the wedding we helped clean the reception hall, and there was obviously a ton of cupcakes leftover. Again I didn't eat one, but did agree to take a box of them to Joyce (my husband's sister, who lives in O'Neill), and since she had invited us over for supper that night, we took the cupcakes with us to give her as our offering for dessert (and left them there!). Once again, I didn't eat any. In fact while we were at sister-in-law's house, I took the opportunity to empty my jacket pockets of all the candy kisses, etc. I had collected while cleaning up the reception hall and left them in a bag at their house for their granddaughters. I had decided I would get right back on track, starting Monday.
So I did okay lat week, losing that wedding gain, for the most part. Then this Tuesday, since I had so much leftover taco supplies, I invited Chris & Jordan to join us for supper, and I made tacos for us. Chris bought a pan of cupcakes with him. ARGH! Once again, I didn't have one. Duane ate one, and told me they were getting a little stale, so I hadn't missed much. He's helpful like that.
Last night was bowling night, and I got there late. I did some shopping after I dropped Du off at the Bowling Center. When I walked in about 7:30, there on the counter behind the bowlers, where I sat, was a pan of cupcakes. GOOD GRIEF! I won't lie. It was tempting to just give in. To reach over, open that box and finally have a cupcake--just one! I kept thinking about what Du had said about them on Tuesday--that they were a little stale and told myself I didn't want to waste all those calories on cupcakes that weren't fresh and delicious. Once again I resisted.
Now if you've counted, that makes FIVE times I've resisted those damn cupcakes. I hope they are gone now, and quit showing up everywhere, cause it's not getting any easier. When you're a food addict, temptation is everywhere. I was reading Holly's blog this morning at http://www.300poundsdown.com/2
I have followed Holly for years, her top weight was over 400 lbs., before she had WLS and lost weight getting down to 170 lbs., before regaining 100 lbs. the last couple of years. She is really struggling. I want to reach out to her and help, but I know that impetus to get back on track has to come from within her. Sean Anderson regained too, http://losingweighteveryday.bl
and he somehow found his way back, losing his regain and recommitting to his plan of no sugar, etc. I remember reading his daily blog as he was losing his regain and feeling so jealous that he had his MOJO back, his DRIVE, his FOCUS, as I prefer to call it, and I could not find mine. And then I did find it. Perhaps reading Sean's blog was helpful, perhaps reading all the blogs of successful people here at Spark helped, but mostly I think that drive to reFOCUS came from inside of me.
It this new Focus I have found permanent? Can I maintain this forever? I don't know. I don't think so, because I continue to be tempted by food, even when I try all my tricks: Telling myself if I don't eat this ONE thing, I will keep the weight off and be successful at maintaining. Telling myself it's just food, it's not WORTH losing this happy weight I've attained. Remembering all I have GAINED from losing those 178 pounds. Still it's easy to slip, and tell yourself, just this once. But knowing how I struggle to FOCUS after slipping just that once, I try NOT to let my guard down, even for a moment. I try to stay super-vigilant and FOCUSED. But it's difficult. One of the most difficult things I have ever done.
It's a hard road we're on, trying to stay on the straight and narrow, while constant temptation is everywhere. We can be strong for a while, but can we be strong forever? Because that's what it takes. I know some people who have kept off substantial weight for many years, and to them, it seems like nothing can steer them the wrong way, they are firmly in control, their new lifestyle is just that--a new lifestyle, not difficult to maintain anymore, just a normal way to live, and temptations don't even bother them anymore.
But maybe I'm fantasizing that it is easier for some people. Maybe it is just as hard for others as it is for me, and Sean and Holly and so many others. We are addicts. Food to us, is like drugs to drug addicts, alcohol to alcoholics, and cigarettes to smokers. I have come to the realization that the tempting food cannot be kept in my house. I am weak when it comes to resisting temptation and it takes every bit of resolve I have to say NO to the food I love to eat, when it is offered and/or available.
But I'm up for the struggle. I can be strong forever. It's even harder when you decide you're at the weight you want to be, because you think maybe you can let the resolve down just a little. Enjoy a treat now and then. I don't want to lose weight anymore, I just want to maintain the weight I call my "happy weight." But a few treats leads to falling completely off track, so I've just got to remind myself of that constantly, and stay STRONG! I love this new life so much and also feeling successful again after losing my latest regain. On October 15, I celebrated five and a half years of being at goal (with a few blips here and there). Since I'm back at goal, however, I feel entitled to celebrate these anniversaries once again.
My new printer arrived Tuesday, and after struggling to get it hooked up and going (it was the exact same printer as I had--you'd have thought all I needed to do was unplug the old one and plug in the new one, but NOOOOOOO, it was a struggle, but Du came through for me, and got my new printer going), I have been busy printing out so many pictures of the wonderful wedding weekend, filling albums and frames (that I bought super cheap at that garage sale last weekend) with my favorite pictures.
Can't wait to see the photographer's shots, she posted a few on Facebook yesterday.
This is Jordan's favorite (so far)!
After a pretty slow week with no medical appointments, we've got a busy weekend coming up. Husker Volleyball both tonight and Sunday afternoon. The Huskers are again ranked #1, and playing the #3 and #4 ranked teams in the country (Wisconsin and Minnesota) this weekend! Should be exciting. Saturday night, after the Husker football game, we are taking our good friends Rich & Shirley out for dinner to repay them (not possible!) for helping with the rehearsal dinner. I honesty don't know how I'd have done it without them, especially Shirley. She tended to all the last minute details while we were gone to rehearsal and dinner was all ready to go when we got there. What great friends!