1-99 SparkPoints 15

you wanted a blog entry, heres the short of it...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

i wish i had something to blog about. sadly im stuck in the 300s and have NO motivation or desire (at this time) to even try to leave.

im a failure. and im being serious, not asking for pitty.

i have an issue with the food addiction, no matter what i know i should do, i cant help myself from being drawn to the carbs...and if im in an establishment that offers them, im right there getting them.
its like a drug for me, but im never happy simply because im eating...
but i DO recognize that i am an addict to food, carbs mostly.

i have canceled one drs visit, because im frustrated with his advice, and i canceld a nutritionist appt. because i havnt been following the rules.

why waste thier time?

this is the hardest thing i have ever had to try to accomplish on my own, and i have no support here at home, and no support groups i can go to to find support.

i do good to have enough energy to post the posts i post everyday.
im just basicly exisiting right now...

in essence i feel alone on an island and drifting about being tossed to and fro...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't give up. I notice here that you are repeatedly slamming yourself on this page. I know it's hard but you need to work on your positive self talk; your self image.
    We look in the mirror and see things that we don't like but that is not really who we are. Who we are is on the inside. Even if you don't like who is on the inside, you need to realize that God does. He loves you for who you are. You are special in God's eyes. You can succeed simply because God loves you. He created you in His image and He will not abandon you regardless of your ups and downs.
    Hang in there. I'm rooting for you. Your picture is up on my web page, I will say a prayer for you everytime I look at it.
    3927 days ago
    You can really do this. We all fail at one time or another -- but if we continue to let things defeat us, we just stay there. But we don't have to. We can choose to make changes and improve. I agree with some of the other comments about making small goals for yourself so that you can feel those small successes. THEYADDUP! For real. And you may not have someone at home to lean on, but we are all here for you in SparkLand! *HUG*
    3929 days ago
    You can do this. It is hard. I know. I weighted 300 + in 1998 when I left my e-husband. It can be done. I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go to. Try focusing on just one thing at a time. Congradulate yourself when you manage to do that one thing all day long. Don't berate yourself when you fail. Everyone fails. The people who suceed are the ones who don't stop trying. Don't give up. The fact that you are willing to try means you can suceed. I love Pizza too. Try making one at home. Use a whole wheat crust-make one out of the cook book, and you can add items to it to give it more fiber which helps, and then use low fat cheese, and lots of vegetables. Try chicken on your pizza.

    You can do this! Do you have some one who will walk with you? Do you have someone you can call and talk to? If not, e-mail me back and I will be your weight loss buddy. It helps to have one.
    3930 days ago
    omg! stupid site! crap, that long comments gone! UUUGH!!! i know i didnt hit deleate, cause the SHOULD be a box asking if your sure you really want to, crap! dang it! UUUGH! thankfull i did read thru the entire thing, and i was going to comment on it...has anyone ever told you sassi, you should write a book about how to help yourself beat those odds? cause, your well versed in the right way to deliver the message, man! THAT SO SUCKS ITS GONE!!! (sometimes i hate the net!)thank you for those kind words, the candle, matrches, and blanket...ill use them. i promise. i just feel frustrated having discussed GAStric bypass WITH MY DR, AND HE WAS ALL ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT ME GETTING IT DONE, AND THEN WHEN THE INSURANCE SENT THE DENILE LETTER stating that this proceedure ISNT within thier policy (when it is) and we researchrched it out and noted all we needed was an aproval letter, go tell the dr and he changed his tune on me right there on the spot, i feel like i put alot of weffort into this attmpt and got...nowhere. wasted work time for hubby, for...nothing. got my hopes up, for....not. its just discuraging, and frustrating and im trying to deal with all that...**SIGH** MICHELLE
    3933 days ago
    ok, so "loser" isnt the RIGHt word, bad choice of phrases, but its as close to the meaning as i can get. ive looked into OA here in my area and the meetings are all scheduled when hubbys working...a few are in the evenings but theres no guarentee that i can attend them because he woks at a call center and you get off when the last customers off the phone, not when the clock dictates...sometimes thats so frustrating. i DO FEEL, however that i need to talk to other ppl who deal with this issue...dieting is alot harder when your a food addict...and when no one else in the home even understands the issue, its that much harder. im not giving up, just..."stuck"...right not leaving, just depressed..i hate exposing it all like this...some ppl will think im looking for pitty, or whinning over spilt milk...this is an effort i have been living with all my life...and i get tired of attempting and failing, i wish, for once i could just get it done and it would be final...i dont understand how most of you can continuously lose the weight ,knowing its a daily struggle, and you yourselves have places that you linger, and you gain, but you do eventually, master this craft...this is the perfect site to use for that technique, i just feel like im in a dark room, alone, and given this and have no idea how i CANT make it work when i can see glimpses of others who are sucessful at it...**SIGH** MICHELLE
    3934 days ago

    How can you be when you have identified the problem and identified the barriers? You are not.

    Is there a OA group in your area?

    Here is a link and it'll have groups in your area:

    Here is online OA:

    I understand the feeling alone and feeling like a loser - you are not alone and you are not a loser. Please check into these and even if you have in the past, its okay, try this again.

    Sometimes we have to run in circles until we finally decide to stop and deal with the issue. It's okay.

    Please don't give up on yourself. You are too important and precious to just give up.

    ((((((many hugs))))))
    3934 days ago
    thanks, thats nice to know.

    i hate to burden anyone with the reason i havnt blogged. its the same issue day in and day out, day after day.

    i just feel..."stuck"

    3934 days ago
    i know how you feel, and although i can't be there to help you at home, i'm here if you ever need help and i will try my best Xxx
    3934 days ago
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